 Green Directors Playhouse, Star Bob Hope, Production, The Ghostbreakers, Director, George Marshall. This is the Screen Directors Playhouse. One of the weekly features on NBC's All Star Festival of Comedy, Music, Mystery and Drama. Brought to you by Chesterfield, always milder, better tasting, cooler smoking, plus no unpleasant aftertaste. By the makers of Anderson for fast relief in the pain of headache, neuritis and neuralgia, and by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television. Tonight the Screen Directors Playhouse is pleased to present transcribed a comedy of terrors, The Ghostbreakers starring Bob Hope. But first, here's a tip for Father's Day, featuring one of Father's Day's most famous fathers. Say, Bing, how are you planning to spend Father's Day this Sunday? Oh, Ken, Father's Day's quite a deal, you know, at the Crosby Minaj. I get to sleep as late as I want to. Then the kids bring me a big breakfast and bed, ham and eggs, cereal, waffles, pancake, sausage. Then what do you do when you get up? What else? I wash the dishes. Well, I know one gift that'll be on that breakfast tray, Bing. Right, you are, Ken, a carton of milder Chesterfields. Folks, we have a fine new Chesterfield gift carton this year, and it's just the thing for Dad on Father's Day. It's got a picture of Godfrey on it, the place to write your greetings, and inside, two hundred of those milder Chesterfields. Remember, Chesterfields gives you mildest plus, no unpleasant aftertaste, and that's the biggest plus in cigarette history. So drop around your favorite dealers and pick up a gift carton. Sure, Dad's a great guy, and Chesterfield's a great smoke. It's a natural. For Father's Day and any day, it's Chesterfield. Now the first act of the Screen Directors Playhouse production of The Ghostbreakers, starring Bob Hope in his original role of Larry Lawrence, with Shirley Mitchell as Mary Carter. If ever a name struck terror into the heart of the underworld, it's the name of Larry Lawrence, intrepid radio reporter and crime buster. Yet only his closest friends know that behind his simple, vacant, foolish smile hides the real Larry Lawrence. Simple, vacant, and foolish. We find him now in his office, professed before leaving on his vacation. Oh, so you'll clam up on Larry Lawrence, huh? Come on, open up. Open up, I say, or I'll drill a hole clear through you. Okay, you ask for it. Take this. And this. And this. Is there something wrong, Mr. Lawrence? Yeah, I can't get this window open. Here, let me try. It's no use, Miss Coase, it's stuck. I'm a strong man, but... There you are. Miss Coase, I thought I warned you about weightlifting on office hours. There's a Miss Mary Carter to see you, Mr. Lawrence. Miss Carter? Is she a redhead or are you wasting my time? You know, I'm due on the air in 15 minutes and I'm waiting for Raspy Kelly. Well, she says it's very important, Mr. Lawrence. And she's a blonde. Oh, then put her in category 7B. I'll see her when I get back for my vacation. And tell her to leave her telephone number and waist measurement. Mr. Lawrence, please. Please, I'm Mary Carter. I'm sorry, Miss, but I'm working on my secret invention. A real invention? Yeah, but it's a bottle preparation for women who want to get their face lifted. How does it work? I mix nitroglycerin with cold cream. It just goes to show how tough a woman has to be when she deals with Larry Lawrence. Oh, then you're really Larry Lawrence. The brave, strong, dashing Larry Lawrence I've always heard about. Well, what are you waiting for, Miss Coase? Go somewhere and flex your muscles. And tell me when Raspy Kelly comes in. Yes, Mr. Lawrence. Mr. Lawrence, I need your help. Ah, yes, don't you all. Poor girl. You don't understand. Mr. Lawrence, you're famous as a crime breaker and gang breaker. And there was that wonderful week in Duluth when I was a home breaker. Now I want to purchase your services. I want you to become a ghost breaker. Ghost breaker? I'm sorry, but the only spirits I mess around with come equipped with olives, not shrouds. I'm serious, Mr. Lawrence. I've been inherited an island off the coast of Cuba, Black Island. And there's a castle on it called Castillo Maldito. Oh, sure. I've heard of that. Isn't that where Kugat raises Little Maracas? Now, Miss Carter, you're not going to tell me that castle is haunted. Well, this afternoon the deed was turned over to me by a senor parada. He told me that no one, whoever eats dinner in the castle, ever lives until breakfast. You mean there's no post-toasties because of the ghosties? There is a ghost. Senor Parada says it's the ghost of Don Santiago, my great-great-grandfather. That's why I'm afraid, Mr. Lawrence. Now, if you'll come with me to Castillo Maldito, I'll see that your time is well paid for. Yeah, but why a lot of few ghost rumors frighten you? After all, what's a ghost just a clue-cluck that's lost his clan? What do you need me for? Here. I received this card in the mail today. Let's see. Death waits for you at Black Island. Well, here's your card, Miss Carter. Thank you and good night. Afraid? Me? Listen, I'm one of the bravest gum-shoes in the business. Well, you're acting like a child. Okay, so I'm one of the bravest bubble gum-shoes in the business. It's just that I don't like spirits to send fan mail, and besides, tomorrow I'll be in the mountain, so take your ghost postage to somebody else. Ah, that mountain there, that's the life. You go to the window at six o'clock in the morning, open it, climb in and go to bed. Oh, fine. I'll see you right away. Miss Carter, if you want an expert in things that go boo-boo-boo, I've got a friend named Crosby. Why don't you see him? No one else will do, Mr. Lawrence. I'm sailing for Cuba tonight on the Rexitania. If you change your mind, I'll be waiting for you in my stag-room. Hiya, Larry. What do you say? Well, hello, Raspy. Say, you sound better. Did you get the frog in your throat a fresh lily pad? I got another Frenchy Duval story for you. It's a killer. Oh-ho-ho-ho. Yeah, and so is Frenchy Duval. Say, does he know you're giving me these stories? Oh, he loves it. Good publicity. I know. I plug him or he plugs me. What have you got? Frenchy adds himself a new racket. Here's how it works. Well, it's cool. Frenchy Duval has a nice new racket, baby laundries. You know the kind I mean with a slogan. This is the little one's laundry mat. Frenchy discovered that there were about 2,000 of them in the state all making money. Without even telling his closest pals, he moved in a three-cornered the market. And so today, Frenchy is really cleaning up the hard way. This is Larry Lawrence saying, goodnight. Larry Lawrence will return to the air two weeks from tonight with more low down on the underworld. Now a word about Cronin's coffee. Well, that's that. One more week on the air without a rest, and I'd begin to look like Bob Hope. Mr. Lawrence. Oh, hello, Miss Cole. Did you hear the broadcast? Wasn't I great? Wasn't I terrific? Frenchy Duval is on the phone. Wasn't I just leaving? Wonder if he saw her. Courage, Camille. Hello, Frenchy. What's new? Got a tip for you, Larry boy. Shoot, I had to open my big mouth. What was that? That was Raspy Kelly saying goodbye. Raspy Kelly? But you're not mad at me, are you, Frenchy? Oh, no, no, no. I told you, I got a tip for what was found in a ditch riddled with bullets. Yeah? When did it happen? Probably tomorrow. Oh, that's what I call hot news. Tell me, hey, Frenchy. Oh, not me, not little old Larry. I'm going to put somebody on the spot, boy. Cole, hand me that bottle of spot remover. Hey, Lawrence, I've taken care of myself. Oh, Frenchy. Frenchy boy, speak to me. Hello, Mort. Come to think of it, hello, mortician. Why did I bother paying this year's income tax? Where are you going? Cuba. As cold as when it comes to ghosts, I'd rather see one than be one. I'm so glad you decided to come. Some state room you got on the ship. You ought to see mine is so far down I can use a propeller to whip up my shaving cream. Say, did you see President Truman in swimming when we passed Key West? No, which one was he? The one in evening clothes. Radio, Grandpa, you miss, and there's one for Mr. Lawrence, too. Oh, thank you, Stuart. Who'd know I was aboard? Oh, here's your telegram. Well, isn't that nice? Mine must be from the Cuban Chamber of Commerce. What does it say? See Cuba and die. Hey, wait a minute, it's signed Frenchy Duval. Stop the ship, man overboard, stop the ship, guzzle a manzo, box the coppers. Larry, Larry, please. What? Larry, look at my telegram. What are you excited about? It just says an empty coffin waits on Black Island. Gee, does Pierce Brothers know about this? You think we should make the one friendly call that covers all? Larry, I'm scared. And it's signed Senor Mertes. Merte. In Spanish, that means death. I know, I know his brother, rigor mortis. You poor kid, you really are in trouble, aren't you? I'd been a lot more trouble without you to help me. Yeah, I'm brave, two gun Larry Lawrence. When I find out who's threatening me, I'll break him in two and use half in the castle and half in the bathroom. Sure, that's me, Courage and the Loose. Only there isn't so. What do you mean, Larry? I'm running away from myself, from some gangsters in New York. Oh, I didn't know. Look, Mary, we're both in trouble. Let's play it together, huh? You stick by me, and I'll stick by me, too. Seriously, Mary, I... You know, you're beautiful. I'm frightened. Hello? This is Senor Parada. Mary, it's Parada, the guy you were telling me about. Who is he speaking? Never mind about me. What's the idea of scaring Miss Carter with all that ghost stuff? Ghost? The wrong state room. Hello? Hello? Hello, Senor Parada. Parada? Well, that's strange. I wonder why he's on board. Yes? Well, I noticed Miss Carter's name on the passenger list. Is she here? Yes, I'm Miss Carter. Who are you? Fly Yard. That's right, Jeff Montgomery. May I come in? Oh, please do. We met at the store club a few weeks ago. Yes, of course. Mr. Montgomery, this is Mr. Lawrence. You traveling to Cuba, Mr. Montgomery? Yes. My home's in Havana. Oh, we're going to Havana, too. And then on to Castillo Maldito on Black Island. I'd heard that Jinx was wished off on... not you. That place is evil. There's the legends about the ghost, and there's said to be a zombie on the island. There's a native woman who looks after the place. Zombie? Yes. Some voodoo priest seemed to have the power to bring the dead back to life. You see them once in a while walking around with despondent, hopeless, staring eyes. You mean like Republicans? Please be careful, Miss Carter. If you insist on going to Black Island, be sure you go well protected. Well, what do I look like, an egg beater? There's nothing in that island but ghost, evil spirits, and zombies. Ghost, evil spirits, and zombies. When's the next boat back to New York? Him, he's just trying to kill me, that's all. Between Black Island and Frenchie de Val, I'll take... Yes, Larry. I'll take... Darling. Black Island, here I come. The next time you suffer from pains of headache, neuritis, or neuralgia, take Anacin. You'll bless the day you heard of this incredibly fast way to relieve these pains. Now, the reason Anacin is so wonderfully fast-acting and effective is this. Anacin is like a doctor's prescription. That is, Anacin contains not just one, but a combination of medically proven active ingredients and easy to take tablet form. Thousands of people have received envelopes containing Anacin tablets from their own dentist or physician, and in this way, discovered the incredibly fast relief Anacin brings from pains of headache, neuritis, or neuralgia. So the next time a headache strikes, I'll take Anacin for this wonderfully fast relief. Anacin, A-N-A-C-I-N. Anacin comes in handy boxes of 12 and 30. Economical family size bottles of 50 and 100. Get Anacin at any drug counter. Now the second act of ghost breakers starring Bob Hope, Black Island. It's silhouette broken by the menacing outline of Castillo Maldito against the night sky. And approaching the island a small rowboat carrying Larry Lawrence and Barry Carter. Boy, no wonder the native boatman won't come here at night. Look at the place. What a ruin. Looks like CBS pulled a raid on it. Just a few more strokes, Larry. We're almost there. Here's the doc. Here. Let me help you out. There. Lafayette, we are here. I think Lafayette's here too. It's probably the old woman caretaker that Jeff told us about. She may be just trying to scare us. She's wasting her time. We're scared already. Oh, there she is. Mother zombie. Zombie, what? Taxi strike, huh? What do you want? Could we interest you in a subscription to Weird Stories Magazine? You've inherited the Castle Maldito. No. My island. The castle is our golden rose mother. Great night for a murder. Who told you? Tell me, does the Greyhound bus make a rest stop here? You guys to Boris Karloff. Let's get into the castle. Hand me the flashlight, Mary. There. Oh, God. What a place. The front porch is down on this knees. Turn your flashlight to the left. A suitcase. It's almost new. One of the people who came to the island must have left it here. FD. Frenchie, come on, let's get out of here. There he is. Okay, here, behind this post. Here in this room. Well, now we know who one of our guests was. What about the other two, huh? I don't know, but I think I could spit and hit one of them. Just the wind. If it is, it's the first time I've ever heard of breeze with adenoids. You strangers. I kill strangers. You never played Philadelphia. Hey, strangers, that's us. Zombie, kill. Sorry, but I got to see your union card. Larry, you stunned them with your flashlight. Help me drag him into the closet. Okay. And you told me you were a coward. Yeah, what do you know? I'm brave. Come on, let's see what else is going on in Nightmare Alley. If this is a short interlude of organ music, let's switch to another station. Let's find out who's playing that organ. Yeah, those things around it are either coffins or boxes of king-sized Cuban cigars. Nobody here now. Wonder who was playing it. I don't like it. Patrillo won't like it either. Maybe somebody put a nickel in it. There's no one there. That's ridiculous. Only a ghost could do that. There's no such thing. If there really are ghosts, I'd lose my mind. I'd end up in the snake pit. Yeah. Move over, Olivia. Hey, do you see what I see? On the organ bench. It's coming out of thin air. Too many reducing tablets. Maybe they're drafting again. What's he talking about? I don't know. Ask him. You ask him. I feel too ghastly to be ghostly. Marching is marching man. Look, it's getting up. And floating toward that empty coffin. It's getting in. Gee, that ghost gave some performance. I'm gonna find out what's really in that box. Look, I'm aside. There's a plate. It's the coffin of Don Santiago. My ancestor who built the castle. Let's get the lid up. Larry, there's nothing but a skeleton. Yeah, old man Moe sure is dead. Larry, I think he was trying to tell me something. Something about the marching men. He wants me to look for something. Look, if he forgot anything when he left, there's no sense looking for it now. Let's go. Don't forget the Frenchie de Valas looking for something. Let's go. Don't forget the Frenchie de Valas looking for us and there's two other characters around somewhere. Larry, turn your flashlight over there above the organ. Isn't that an inscription? Can you make it out? I think, yes, let me see. God's treasures in abundance lie. Something heavenly key. Heavenly key before they die. There's more to this than meets the eye. The ghost. It said something about a key, Larry. How can we look for a key? We haven't even got a keyhole. Well, keys could mean music. Look, let's keep moving around. If we stay in one spot, we're dead. Dead. I wonder who thought up that expression. The marching men must have something to do with it. We'll ask them on the Fourth of July. Come on. Larry, there, on the wall. Aren't those marching men? Those little figures carved into the stone? Now, if I draw a horizontal line through this marching man and one parallel to it through this one and another one and two more... This is a fine time to start playing tic-tac-toe. No, don't you see? It becomes a bar of music. That's what the ghost was trying to tell us. The key is a chord on this organ. Mary, keep playing. Look, down Santiago's coffin. It's shifting off its base. And I don't feel so good myself. Keep playing. There's nothing down there but some dusty old dungeons. Let Jack Benny keep his money. Come on. You go first. Okay. But remember, I'm the lead-off man on the way back. Say, there's a lantern down here. Yes, and railroad tracks, like in a mine. Yeah, railroad tracks. It reminds me of my hotel room in Scranton. Come on, keep going. Look out. You'll trip over that rail. Oh, oh, oh. Did you hurt yourself? What did you land on? This is a comedy. What do you think? Mary, look at this. What is it? I've seen this stuff before. Silver ore, the real thing. Mary, you're rich. Congratulations, Miss Carter. You're rich and you're pirata. So you're a pirata. What's the gun for? You can't get away with it. I'll shoot. Now listen, pirata. No, not you. Behind you. Look out! Jeff Montgomery. Yes, it's Jeff. It's too bad I had to wound you, pirata, but you'll soon be a pirata of your misery. Miss Carter, I came here to warn you. He's mad. He's insane. Against the wall. All three of you. I warned you, Mary, but you chose to ignore my messages. What's this all about? About a vein of silver as wide as the island. I discovered it. You hear? This mine is mine. And what's mine stays mine. Okay, so it's yours, but let Mary go. No. Nobody's going to carry any tails out of here. All right, come on out of there. I'll get your bottle up. Come on. Who's that? Frenchie de... It's the police. They've got you trapped, Montgomery. They'll never get me. Not now. This is mine. They'll have to shoot it out. You tell them, kid. Get through. Finish. Get her. Kill each other. Frenchie and Jeff. I'll match her to see who faints first. Move over. Stop hogging the floor. Hillary. And a fun farewell to Cuba. We leave your castle to mother zombie and her bouncing baby boy. Yes. And with pirata taking care of the mine, we'll never have to come back. And now that I'm rich, I'm going to back you in a television show. Yeah. After all those ghosts, it'd be nice to try out a new medium. What world will we do with a hundred million dollars? What? What will we do with a hundred million dollars? Well, we can always open another hotel in Texas. Understand about the ghosts. It must have been real. No, honey. It was just one of Montgomery's tricks. There's no such things as ghosts. Why didn't we have her sit in the audience? Thank you, Bob Holt. And now a word from RCA Victor. 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Green Directors Playhouse was brought to you by Chesterfield, it's always milder, better tasting, cooler smoking, plus no unpleasant aftertaste. By the makers of Anison for faster relief from the pain of headache, neuritis and neuralgia, and by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television. The Ghostbreakers was presented through the courtesy of Paramount Pictures, whose current release is Ace in the Hole starring Kirk Douglas and Jan Sterling, which is having its world premiere in Albuquerque, New Mexico tonight. Bob Hope will soon be seen with Hedy Lamar in the Paramount Picture, one of my favorite spies. The Ghostbreakers was adapted for radio by Richard Allen Simmons. Screen Directors Playhouse is produced under the supervision of Howard Wiley. Portions of tonight's broadcast were transcribed. This is Jimmy Wallington speaking and inviting you to join Screen Directors Playhouse next week, when we present DOA, starring Edmund O'Brien, with Peggy Castle and Screen Director Rudolf Matte. Tomorrow, you too can live the life of Riley on NBC.