 the speech that I'm really, really looking forward to. Man, just to share a story, there's a guy who a lot of you guys are fans of. Eric Von Siedau, Hypnotica. And he said, Steve, you're hosting the 21 convention. You have got to hang out with this guy. He is, and I know him. He's a legend. He's been around way back in the day when we all got those David D'Angelo CDs for $20 a month. And a true, true man, awesome guy. And here, let's welcome on to the stage the Brent Smith. Thank you. Man, great to meet you. That's a lot to live up to, actually. I hope I can do it. All right, take it away, man. OK, hello. How are you? Everyone good? OK, I'm super excited to be here today and have this discussion with you. My glasses on here. OK, so today, I'm going to start out by giving you my most important piece of advice. And what I think is the secret to attracting hotter women into your life and having incredibly healthy relationships. And when I was talking to Anthony, I said, what is the most highest leverage concept that you've ever heard from me? And he said, well, by all means, it's this one. Stop chasing women. That's it. And that's all I want to say to you today. So thank you very much. No, but I could. If you just took this one piece of advice and did nothing else, your life, when it comes to dating women, would be fantastic. Because you'd save a ton of money, a lot of your precious time, a lot of heartache. But I'm going to go in and tell you exactly what I'm talking about. OK, so when you hear me say something like this, stop chasing women. You probably think, oh, that's absolutely ridiculous, Brent. Why would I want to do that? How does that work? Will women even chase guys? And if I want to get women, how do I? I don't understand. How do I stop chasing them if I'm chasing them? I understand. It can be very confusing. But the reason we're having this conversation is because dating in itself is broken. The whole dating, according procedure, and process that we go through is broken. It hardly works for anyone these days. Even though there are a myriad of experts out there who have books and programs and appear on TV shows and are telling us all how to do it the right way, what they think is the right way, still most relationships end in divorce, most relationships end badly. And it's because we're doing things the traditional way. And so what's happening is men have become very pushy and women have become very passive. OK, so we do it a certain way that we've been taught. So there's the traditional way, which is man chases women and all the things that go into that. As men, we sit around in an obsess about, oh, I've got to meet women because it'll make me cool. How do I do it? Where do I go to do it? What do I say? How do I ask a woman out? How do I get a phone number? How do I get sex? How do I get a girlfriend? It's all about getting, getting, getting. And what most people teach is just a way to do this. I was trying to draw it kind of like a horse. So we know that this doesn't work really, the traditional way. We all have had experience. I've had tons of experience in the old way of doing things. And it just doesn't end in the results that we all want. But we keep beating this dead horse. And people keep teaching us things that don't necessarily work. But we keep following because we have no other way of doing stuff. No one else tells us anything different. So just a little background about me. I used to go on a lot of traditional dates and chase a lot of women. And I start out like every other guy, basically, which is with no skill set, very socially anxious, not known what to say. And I only knew the traditional way. So I didn't even know there was any other way to think about it. So I would go out, try to talk to women, try to get numbers, try to get dates, all the normal stuff. And what happened was I ended up committing a ton of time to it, and I became a master pursuer of women. So I was really good at it. I was a master number collector. That's all I did. But I got to a point where, even if I did a massive amount of it, there was very little return. So even if you're really good, you can ask the guys who are really, really good. Even if you have a high quantity of women you talk to and interactions you have and numbers you get, you're only going to convert a certain amount of them into actual dates, even the best guys. And I'm sort of lazy. So one day I was thinking, I'm pretty good at this, and it's happening for me, and I'm converting these things in date. But it's so exhausting. I'm out every night trying to collect numbers, and then, of course, trying to figure out how to leave them a message, what to say, how to respond, how to get them to do this, that, and the other thing. So I decided, I had a crazy idea, that maybe I would just do the opposite of what I had been taught. Maybe I would just kind of not give a shit anymore. And I'd go out, talk to people. And instead, when I talked to women of trying to get their phone number and trying to talk them into stuff, I would instead give them my number, have them chase me, ask me out, a pretty crazy way of doing things, except that it started working. OK, so I want to discuss with you why the traditional way of chasing women is not a good thing to be doing, just so for you why guys out there. So doing everything the traditional way sets you up as the provider. When I say provider, women will say, oh, I want someone to provide for me, and so on. And that's not what I'm talking about in that traditional context, because that's true. I do believe that you should provide for your family, and so on. But the way that most guys use provider is in that we give women things in order to get them to like us. We do things for them just in order for them to like us, because we think that's the way we have to do it. And I'll tell you something that I forget out along the way is there's absolutely nothing sexy about the provider, the provider I'm talking about. Absolutely nothing sexy about it. We've all seen this scenario of the rich guy who has a ton of money, he's got a nice car, he meets some girl, he asks her out, he takes her to an expensive restaurant, and then at the end of the night, he spends all his money on it, at the end of the night gets a kiss on the cheek, and he drops her off. OK, maybe some of you have done that. I've done it for sure. And then there's the guy, the other guy. He doesn't spend any money on a girl. He's not a great dresser. He doesn't seem to have many skills, but she's addicted to him and can't get enough of him. And this guy doesn't do anything that the other guy does. He's a complete opposite, so he's not the provider. He's more of the friend with benefits type guy. He's more carefree. He's not trying to push her into doing anything. And she's addicted to this guy, always trying to find out where he's at. What is he doing? She's texting him, trying to meet him. Where is he at this certain club or this bar? Going over and hunting him down. And sometimes this girl goes from the date with the rich guy and texts the friend with benefits guy on the way home, goes over to his house. So which guy do you want to be? It sounds simple to me. You want to be the guy who attracts women like that, who doesn't have to jump through all those hoops. And you guys know what I'm talking about. The traditional way that we're taught, especially when we're interacting with women, is we're out there and we're talking to them. We're kind of hovering over them and pressuring them. And I go, I've got to talk this girl into, I've got to get her number. And I've got to talk her into going out with me. And everything is about pressure. And everything is never letting up. And for those of you who say, well, will women really do that? Well, you probably wouldn't know because you spend most of your time trying to talk women into something they already want to do, but you're trying to talk them into it. So in other words, women don't meet this cool guy very often. They meet the guy who's over pursuing. He's relentless. I'm talking about in the creepy way, right? You know what I'm saying, right? We've all been there and done that. It's the guy who's desperate and needy and he wants something. He's trying to make something happen. And that girl's not going to be excited about being assertive. And what I find is that most women I talk to would love to be assertive. If number one, they knew that we could handle it when they are assertive. And I don't mean aggressive. I mean assertive in a very healthy, fun way. And they don't meet that guy. They rarely meet that guy. They always meet the guy who's doing the same thing as every other guy is doing. And when you're doing the same thing that every other guy is doing, that's competition. Guys tell me all the time, oh, how do I eliminate my competition? No, I'm in a bar. What about all these other guys and all that kind of stuff? And I said, well, if you're doing everything that they're doing, then yeah, they're your competition. But if you're this other next level guy that I'm talking about, they're not your competition anymore. And so that's something to think about. OK, so nothing sexy about the provider. Now, if you want to be the next level kind of provider, then the next level provider is a guy who provides women with an opportunity to be interested in him. So that's a provider I can stand behind. That's a provider that is sexy. A guy who provides, instead of talking at a girl about himself and all the great things and cool things about him and trying to get her interested, is providing an opportunity for the woman to talk about herself, asking questions, providing her an opportunity to be interested. That's really like the number one thing there. We talk at them, and we don't give them a chance to respond in the way that they would like to. Now, if you're chasing women the traditional way, it can also be a tremendous waste of money. As you guys can imagine, we already talked about the situation. And it doesn't have to be on that grand scale. But if you date a lot, you chase women a lot, and that's your whole thing. Even small dates and expensive dates, if you start adding them up. And just because you're trying to impress them, it can get quite expensive and waste a lot of money doing that. It also takes up a lot of your time. Imagine all the time that you spend trying to figure out how to pursue women. It doesn't matter how much money you've got either. It's like guys at every level that I deal with. They all have the same issue. They're obsessed, obsessed with women. I've got to get more women. I've got to get hotter women. I've got to get this. You don't understand. This makes me a man. This completes everything. I've got everything but that. I've heard it all. And so we're obsessed with that whole chasing scenario. And we spend a lot of time to that. I mean, shoot, when you think about money, I'll just go back to that for a minute. People buy cars, homes, clothing, all kind of crap you buy to get more attractive, to get more women to like you or think you're cooler or richer or better than other guys. Again, competing with other guys. When if you just had this one mindset change of backing off a little bit and being the attractive guy rather than the pursuer, those guys aren't your competition anymore. You're in the league of your own. There is no competition unless you run into another guy like that. But then if you did, you'd probably team up with that guy because you're not about competing anymore. You're about collaborating. So it's not that other guys are bad and there's only a certain amount of women and it's a scarce resource, right? How we're all taught, oh, it's a scarce resource. You know, there aren't that. There are millions of women in the world. There's millions, millions of beautiful young women if that's what you want. Lots of them all the time. They're everywhere. OK, traditional chasing of women will cause you to overcommunicate. This is one of my favorite subjects to talk about too. Overcommunication. Oh my god. I mean, when we are chasing women, we just feel like we need to talk about things endlessly. Because especially if we haven't been together with them yet, we're trying to talk them in. I've got to keep her interested. Even if we have hung out with them, we want to keep them interested when I tell them all kinds of stuff. I have a saying and it is, the more you tell them, the more you repel them, OK? Now mind you, I've learned all this by doing it the wrong way, just in case you think that somehow I just made some of it up. I mean, I've taught thousands of people, both men and women. I've had thousands of interactions with people, done a lot of social experiments, and then done it wrong millions of times. And I can tell you that if you don't create a sense of urgency because you tell them everything, why would they get together with you? What's the point of that? They already know everything. If you're going to tell them something else, it should be when both of you are together, OK? And I'm telling you, I see these guys come up to me and they show me all these super long text message threads or instant message. I mean, they must be like, you know, they go on for sometimes weeks. And I say, hey, so you guys got together? No, but I think I'm going to talk about it soon. We're probably going to maybe get together. I'm like, really, this is your problem. This is over-chasing women. This is the old way, and this is exactly why you're not getting together with her. I'm looking at all the stuff you're telling her, and it's the same thing every other guy is saying, right? It's how it's going. You're trying to tease her, right? You're doing all the stuff that they teach you to do in all the books. And you're arriving at the same place, which is generally bad results, right? So like I said, even if you do that a lot, and imagine if you're doing that with one girl, right? Most guys aren't doing that. They're doing it with two or three girls. Maybe if guys are good, he's doing it with more. But you can imagine, your whole life is on your phone, going back and forth with women you haven't even met up with, and you probably will never meet up with. So it's a horrible amount of time that's wasted for doing that. All right, so next thing I want to talk about is, so if that's true, then why, if what I said it was true, then why do guys still do it, why do we all do it the same way pretty much? So what's that all about? Well, the biggest reason that you do that is because you really don't have any inspiration to do it any other way. You don't see anyone else doing it a different way. Maybe hear about the random guy now and then who says, oh yeah, I just walk into a room and chicks come over to me, right? Which I've said before actually, but it's more complicated than that. It's not like that easy. So you're socially programmed to think this is how it works, right, from childhood. Everything we see in here is all about, is to support the traditional courting procedure, traditional dating. And I'll tell you that when I talk to couples and I ask them why their relationship didn't work out, I can always trace it back to a couple of things and one of them is always, oh yeah, he called me and he kept calling me and I said no and then I finally said yes. Which will lead me to something else I'm gonna talk about in a couple minutes. So you've got everything around you is leading to that. The media of course is a huge culprit. You can take your pick from magazines, TV shows, to commercials, everything's supporting the current way of doing things. Why do they do that? Because it's easier to sell you stuff when you say this is what I want, okay here we'll give it to you rather than no, let me show you something that you don't know you want and I'm gonna change your mind and then I'm gonna sell you something. So that's another reason that they would keep going down that road. So if you're thinking in your head because this is how my mind works, I'm going why wouldn't people just stop doing that? Well, or why are they telling me that? Because they have something in it for them, okay? So that's why it's like that all the time. They're trying to support all the stuff, right? You gotta get engaged, not get engaged to the right, I was gonna say there's a, I love this engagement ring store. Their message is get engaged. That's it, just get engaged because that's all they care about. They just want you engaged. They don't care if it's to the right person for the wrong reason. In fact, if it's to the wrong person, it's actually better for them because then you come back and get engaged again. Buy another ring, see? So I'm just kind of giving you an idea. I'm not mad about it and I don't want you to be upset about it. I just, if you're a why person and you're wondering why it continues, this is why. So it's nice to have a little bit of a, to know what's going on. So everyone's doing it. Everyone talks about it the same way. All your friends are doing it. And you got peer pressure too. Sometimes when I teach this stuff, my clients will say, man, I'm the only one in my group doing it this way. And my friends are giving me crap because I'm not out there getting 400 phone numbers a week and they're doing it. And I'm finding a lot of, like that's why you would go back and do it the old way, right? So there's a lot of peer pressure. That's why guys go back. There's one person in the group that says, I'm gonna try a different way. I'm gonna try and experiment. And everyone else says, no, no, no. I don't wanna do it that way. Let's do it this other way. Goes back to scarcity too. So even if you knew there was another way to do it and someone showed that to you, because you're competing with other guys and you're afraid of loss, right? Oh, I don't wanna lose that girl over there to that other guy who's really, you know, on her. That's another thing. That's another reason that you wouldn't do it. Okay, and here's one that's also very important. Overcoming complicated situations. This is one of the biggest roadblocks for guys. Okay, so we've been taught, especially as men, that anything worth doing and accomplishing has to be something that's very difficult. So you wanna overcome unbelievable circumstances. Because number one, you'll feel really good about yourself, and number two, something you probably don't think about is the story you get to tell other guys is awesome, right? And since you wanna be popular and fit in, and maybe you didn't in high school and so you still crave that, you wanna tell this fricking story about how you overcame this stuff. So I will get messages from guys or questions from them saying, okay, Brent, listen. I could teach them a lot of ways to do this, very simply, and be attractive and attract great women into their life and have great relationships. What they wanna know is they wanna know how to do only the most difficult things, okay? So it's Brent, there's this girl, and she is on her laptop, and she's got headphones on, and she's blind. Okay, not only that, but she's sitting in the middle of a ring of fire. And outside of that ring, there's guys standing there with machine guns. How do I talk to that girl? I mean, seriously, you wanna know how to talk to that girl? Only that girl, I just wanna, because I may come across that situation sometime. So we crave complicated situations, okay? It's the old, the hero's journey, if you know what that is. It's the basis for every love story ever written, movies, television shows, and so on. Again, the guy, there's this guy, and he's going up against these insurmountable odds, and he has to escape all these death-defying things and to reign in the end to overcome everything in the end and then get the spoils of it, right? That's how we're taught. So that's the story we wanna tell. That's what we wanna tell. We wanna say, well, there was this girl. You don't understand, she didn't like me at all. She told me I was horrible, and told me to get away from her. So then what I did was I came up with this great line, and I walked over, and then I placed my hand over here, like the Vulcan mind thing, and then I talked her into it, and then we were an item. That's what you wanna tell. You wanna tell your guy, oh man, it was incredible. I mean, it should have never worked. There's no way. I mean, it was impossible. No other guy could do it on the planet, but I did it. I mean, we used to have competitions between me and my friends to see if you could overcome the biggest challenge, right? I mean, ridiculous when I think about it now, but back then it was what I was all about. The story you should wanna tell is the simple story, right? Hey, I walk, you know, everywhere I show up in life, I just show up, and people love to see me, and everyone I talk to, every girl I talk to is excited about talking to me. Sometimes I approach them. Sometimes they approach me. It always ends the same way. We end up getting together for attracted to each other, and voila, you know, but we don't wanna tell that story. That's the story you should wanna tell though, and that's how this has to change. If you really want an easy lifestyle, a lazy lifestyle, and I definitely do, that's it. Okay, so if what I've said is true up until now, then why don't women chase you? Why aren't they chasing you right now? Why aren't they knocking down the door here to get in to see you guys? Well, it's based on what I said earlier, is they don't meet that guy, okay? They don't, first of all, they don't think it's possible, right? Like I said, they don't think that if they came up to you and were assertive that you'd know what to do, you'd probably screw it up some way by trying to oversell her when she's already interested. Right, we've all done that, right? No, wait, wait, no, wait, your work, you're messing up my whole sales process, stop it. No, I just wanna leave you right now. I wanna get together with you. No, no, you're going too fast. I have a process, steps I need to go through. That's how we are. And so they don't think it's possible, and they just don't meet any guys who are like that. They don't even meet any cool guys. They meet the same guy over and over and over again. Your competition, that's who they meet. And so, okay, so when they do meet a guy, let's say they do meet this right guy. So you guys are now self-developed. You understand this whole concept and you've gotten into it and you're doing it. Is it possible that women will just switch over immediately? Yeah, it is, because even though they're programmed just the opposite of the way we are, the passive way. So women are, of course, unfortunately programmed to be passive. So we become too pushy, they're too passive. So they kind of wait around, right? They've been taught to wait around and the right guy will approach you, or he won't, right? Now some girls are assertive and I applaud them if they are, but very few. And so they don't even realize that there's another guy out there because they've just, and then they complain about, women will say, well, you know, and then I say, well, what guys are approaching you? Oh, well, it's always the same kind of guy. So I must be a magnet for jerks, you know, or something like that, right? Because they're waiting around, they're passive. But when they meet someone who's cool and who understands this concept and they know that you know and you're carefree and you're fun and you're not hovering and trying to make them do stuff and talk them into doing stuff, but you're being cool and you're asking the right questions and you're hanging out, you know, they have a state change, they do. They have a state change and then it compels them to be inspired to sometimes take the reins and be assertive towards what they want. The kind of guys they wanna hang out with. Okay, so what should you do instead? Or how should you do it when you're, if you're not chasing women? Okay, so a couple of very important things here you're gonna wanna listen to and take some notes. So there's some things you're gonna stop doing and some things you're gonna start doing if you want this to really work for you. So you're still gonna approach women, okay? So that's what you're still gonna do. But you're not gonna be hovering over in them and hitting on them and trying to extract information from them in the way that you're used to doing it. So number one is you're going to stop asking them for their contact information and you're gonna give them yours. You're gonna offer yours up. Which is probably the biggest difference between how I do things in most everybody else. And again, I told you that I used to be the master number collector and contactor and I was like a cold caller. I would get on that phone and just start calling and calling and calling until I could get it to happen. I thought, oh, this is exhausting and I'm just, I'm lazy and I'm bored and I don't wanna do it anymore. So I remember when I just started doing it I was like, yeah, it's been great talking to you. You know, just give me a call and we'll talk about getting together or something. And I gave it out a few times and it didn't work and then all of a sudden this girl calls me and she's like, hey, you wanna get together? I'm like, whoa, it worked, really? Even if the odds were the same, even if I had to give out as many numbers as I got numbers, I'd still rather do it the lazy way. That's how I was thinking. I mean, even if the odds were the same. But what I found out over time and over experimenting is the odds are not the same. The odds were well in my favor when I started learning how to offer it up in the right way, where I wasn't drawing attention to it and I wasn't forcing my number on girls which would be just like forcing a girl or keep continuing to ask her for hers. Right, it's like, it's creepy pursuing as far as I'm concerned. And I've been through it, I did it. So it has a much higher rate of return. And if you're all about return, which everyone tells me they are, oh, I'm all about return, man. I gotta get the most return on my investment, Brent. You know, I wanna have girls calling me and texting me and hunting me down. Well, this is the way to do it. So your favorite new line, or if we're giving that way of giving your number is really just under the radar. It's just, shoot me a text about it. Shoot me a text about that thing. So, which is what I say all the time. I'm always like, shoot me a text about it. I'll find me on Facebook. I'm very nonchalant about it. So I don't force it. You know, if I say something like shoot me a text and a girl doesn't get out her phone, you don't wanna force it. You don't wanna say, hey, don't you want my number? You can ask questions that lead to it. Okay, this is the way to do it. So I'm always asking questions of people like, so what's going on over here? What's on the agenda? What are you guys up to? What crazy shit you have going on? I'm always asking questions about escape and about fun things. And then whether someone asks me that about myself, I just offer up the information. Okay, so I say, well, oh, that's cool. Actually, what I think I'm gonna do, right? If I don't have a social life, I may just be saying, like if you guys don't have a social life, saying, oh, you know, I think I'm just gonna head out, you know, maybe go home, drink a little bit of wine or something. You're welcome to join if you'd like. Just shoot me a text. Just shoot me a text, right? Same thing, if I'm moving on to the next place, it's like, hey, we're going to this other bar, we're going to this other club, this party. It sounds like it might be cool. Oh, that sounds great. Well, you know, shoot me a text if you wanna know about it, if you wanna know if it's worth coming over. I'm doing this thing on Sunday. It's really exciting, it's really cool. Oh, that sounds good. Well, you're welcome to join. Just shoot me a text about it. You see how it's the same theme, okay? Maybe tough to get your head around first, but I'm telling you, it's much better than me taking that phone number and just trying, oh my God, I mean, I did that for so many years, trying to make it happen, so much better. So giving out your phone number is one of the things that you should try. And look, I'm just asking you to consider it in what you already do. Try it, see if it works for you, it worked for me. Don't force it, don't get the girl's phone out and or grab her phone and put your phone number in. That's as bad as making her, you're begging her for hers. We talked about, you wanna talk about escape and fun things, and if you end up, okay, so two more things about that. You wanna always end the conversation first. That's another big one, guys. Okay, so most of the time what we do is we wait around to women to dismiss us. I used to do it. I'd keep talking and talking and talking and talking until she either rolled her eyes, turned away from me, oh I gotta go to the bathroom and talk to my friend, you know, just blew me off completely. I didn't understand the power of not fearing loss, right, or being carefree and not being attached to this one girl, okay, so end the conversation first. It's powerful, and you know, a lot of stuff I'm telling you guys is applicable to other parts of your life too. So it's applicable in business, other relationships. So as soon as, you know, the other person realizes that you're gonna dismiss yourself, that's powerful. So dismiss yourself and move on. Talk to someone else. Open up more opportunities for yourself. And if in fact you get in a communication string with any of these women that you end up talking to, over communicating in between getting together is a no-no, remember, right? One of the greatest things I have to tell you is when a woman is interested in you and they take action on it, I mean that's like, for guys, you know, you'll say that's the holy grail even though you may not get there or be open to the way I'm telling you how to get there. Really, I'd rather have someone in whatever kind of relationship it is, whether it's casual or other, who wants to be there, who's interested in hanging out with me. Not someone who I feel like I forced or tricked or manipulated into wanting to hang out with me or get together with me or hook up with me or whatever. Right, I know that's what we're taught and that's what we've all done that. But the next level is actually being excited about having someone who's interested in being there. And this is what this allows women to do. It allows them to be interested in being there. So in other words, if you text someone and the girl doesn't text you back, don't text her three more times saying, did you get my message? Just wanna make sure you got my message. None of that, guys. I've been guilty of that as well. Okay, and the other thing you need to do is you have to, so there's obviously a lot of intergame that goes along with this. You have to change your mind about a lot of things. So you have to create your own personal mantra that this is the only type of woman I meet who is attracted to me. So every time I go out, I run into women who are exactly my type and so what they do is this. I offer my number, they take it, they ask me out, we go out and that's how we roll. So you have to actually convince yourself that has to be your new mantra. Be on a shadow of a doubt that this is your new life. And for those of you who have not done any inner work, I know that that sounds probably a little weird to you, but I'll tell you, you're already doing it. You're just doing the opposite. So you already have a mantra, a personal mantra, every time you look into the mirror, every time you think about yourself or your life, you're already telling yourself stuff. Just change the information you're telling yourself. Most of the stuff you're telling yourself is negative, how you're not good enough and how it won't happen for you and why it's not possible about everything in your life. If you just change that whole conversation, and right now we're talking about the context of women, if you change that conversation, it'll be super powerful. Okay, a couple last things I wanna leave you with here. How are we doing on time? Okay. Okay, so if you wanna start this life with girls that you're already maybe in conversation with or you're already sort of like chasing the old way, if you want women to chase you, you have to stop chasing them, period. That's it, to make room for it, you can't be attached, you can't try to hold on to old relationships and stuff. If you want this new way, you have to be willing to clear the deck of everything you're doing. Now, that won't necessarily happen. I'm just telling you how to be willing to do that. So here's what I suggest. If you're in a current conversation somehow with a woman in whatever way you're doing and you're doing the traditional role, where you're chasing her, you're checking in with her, trying to make her interested, let's go out on a date. She's saying, no, I can't until next week. Okay, I'll check back with you. I want you to go dark. I want you to radio silence. No more communicating at all. Stop yourself, okay? Just stop. That's number one thing. Do not contact them again, okay? Until she contacts you. Once she contacts you, that's just the beginning of a whole new thing, possibly. Now, I'm not guaranteeing that this will work. These next two things I'm gonna tell you because you've already set yourself up as a person who chases, right? So there's a precedent and people don't like you to change the way things are done after the fact. They wanna know who you are to begin with, not later. But this works sometimes, okay? So you wanna go dark and then when they contact you, then you wanna say, oh, okay, great. But here's the other thing. Is that everything is about getting together. There's no more conversation back and forth that's idle conversation about shit that doesn't mean anything, okay? No more. That's out the window, okay? And having said that, and that leads me to the last thing here, and that's, and it's related. If you currently have a date, a traditional date with a girl that you have done everything the traditional way with, and you're gonna meet out, I don't know, three or four days from now or whatever, and you're gonna go out and have drinks or dinner or whatever, I want you to send them the following text. Or however you're communicating. Change of plan. Drinks, 8 p.m., my place, or their place, whatever. And then if you would just put your address in there or ask for their address, and that's it. You're gonna change the whole way things are done now, and so could women respond to that badly? Of course they could, but like I said, you gotta be willing to do that. So everything has to be about getting together, and if you wanna stop all of this in this tracks anytime when you're communicating, just send the message that says, so I suppose you wanna get together, question mark, and that's it. Then you know, yes or no. Don't continue trying to talk them into it. Don't have a 42,000 step system for doing it. Just move on to the next thing. Okay guys, that's all I've got for that. Hope you enjoyed it. Questions. Awesome, great stuff. Who has got questions for Brent Smith? All right, here we have, what if a woman forgets who you are between the approach and the date? Really? Then you haven't done a very good job of making yourself, making an imprint on her. If she forgets it, well give me, how would I know she forgot? Because you're gonna text her and say, hey it's so-and-so from the other night and she'll go who's this, is that what you're saying? Or what are you saying? Exactly. Because you're not texting her, you're waiting for her to text you, right? Yeah. She meets you and then you have a conversation and then she, and then another guy, she meets another guy. Exactly, and that's what I'm counting on. I'm counting on you not being able to wait and go after her. Because then you're the pursuer and you're not my competition anymore. You see, you have to be willing to just let it all go and give it all up. And you have to work on being this great guy when you're in her presence, who's carefree and funny and attractive and like I said, who gets it and then you won't have to worry about that. So you have to be willing to walk away, right? So I know there's that inclination, right? I had that temptation too. When I was first coming up with this idea, I thought, will I really be able to do it? Number one, I was really attached to all the girls that I was hanging out with at that moment because I had done a lot of work to get them, right? I'd gone out every night, got phone numbers, crafted great messages, talked to these girls, me didn't belated them a little bit, whatever. We get together and I'm like, man, if I switch it up on them, they're gonna all bail on me, right? But then I had to think, okay, well, if I'm willing to go this new direction, I have to be willing to let it all go. And it was very tough for me, I have to say, but it was one of the most important things I did. So my answer is, let it go and work on being a better guy and less about the one that got away. Make sense? I know it's tough, but you have to kind of, get to that point where you just don't care anymore. What happens if you really connect with someone and they lose your number or they lose their phone or something happens and they lose it? You just lost a connection because... Well, listen, if you come to me and you say, Brent, I know there was a connection and you tell me about the whole interaction and I know that what you're saying is true, then yeah, I'm gonna say, yeah, that's a different story maybe. So yeah, if you don't hear from her, maybe something happened, yeah, you could check in with her. Yeah, so it's not in stone if you, I'm just saying in most scenarios, in most cases from what I hear from guys is not that. Unless a guy says, oh, I know we had a connection and then they tell me about it and go, dude, that wasn't a connection. That was something else. You think there was a connection, but there wasn't. But if you really are that kind of guy who really connects with people on a deep level, so I could say that and I could also say this. I could say that you can have what you're willing to give up. So if you're willing to not worry about that one who you had a connection with that maybe she lost her phone. When you are kind of unavailable to giving in to worrying about those situations, then you will truly be on the next level. I could say that too. So my point is that if you could be willing to let that go and not worry about whether she actually lost your number or her phone or gotten a car crash or whatever, I don't wish that to happen. I'm just saying that when you have to just move forward, you have to always be moving forward and don't worry about those little things. As tough as it might be. Brent, thank you for the talk. This really resonates with me. I have two questions. The first one's really easy and then the next one's a little more complicated. What media do you give your number out? So if you're gonna leave the conversation and say, hey, yeah, here's my number, whatever, are you telling her? Are you giving her your card? In what capacity, how are you doing it? Yeah, number. So then it's an exchange. Well, to speak to what he has, the cards are easy to lose. They're easy to misplace. Not if she's attracted to you. Well, I'm just saying that sometimes, right, let go or if you happen to run into her again and say, hey, I thought you were gonna, you know, call me, oh, I lost your card. It can be an easy way out, an easy excuse. So then it is an exchange of numbers. Yeah, it's an exchange of numbers. Now, if that's all you got, your phone's dead or it's not working, yeah, do whatever. But I'm just saying that in most cases, what I do is I will just offer my number. The next thing was, you said not to overcommunicate. In your first encounter, if you wanna exchange numbers and say, hey, I'm doing this thing or Sunday or whatever it is, I'm going to this bar, how do you know between overcommunicating and mystery and saying, hey, I'm involved in this or I'm doing this? What's the balance there? Okay, well, when I'm talking to her, I'm watching her body language and seeing how she's reacting and everything I'm saying. I'm also looking for a little indicator of interest, of course, that's always best, right? If I talk about it and she says, oh, that sounds cool, that sounds fun, I love wine or I love this. I go, oh, well, it's like as an afterthought, as opposed to what I used to do, it's, oh, well, you're welcome to join me if you'd like. Just shoot me a text and we'll work it out or whatever. So I'm still not overly excited, but I'm inviting. That's the other thing. I'm never pushy, but I'm very nice and I'm very inviting and I'm like, oh, yeah, you wanna join me? Sure, absolutely, yeah. Shoot me a text and we'll try and work it out. I don't, also, I don't commit to it 100% because I don't wanna make her feel like she has to either, even though I know that that could be considered bad if you're worried about women flaking, but if you do this the right way, you'll have very few women flaking on you. Does that answer your question? Yeah. Okay. At the end, you said to just send a very blunt text recommending to come over for drinks or to go over to her house for drinks. My question is, I personally, if I got that text, I would be like a little like, oh my gosh, maybe scared. So like if she gets like scared or something like that, like is there a way that you would suggest like phrasing it or maybe like only say it to like a specific type of girl? I totally understand where you're going with that. Okay, so yeah, I mean, I'm assuming that if you're, and I'm, you know, again, this is all about experimenting and some of this will be, if you have a certain context with a person that you've already set, there will be some pre-context, right? So it's not gonna work in every situation. Someone is gonna say maybe, oh, I don't feel comfortable with that, right? Like I'm not meeting, let's meet out again, right? And I understand that. So in that case, I would be saying, you know, I don't know what you're doing, but I'm thinking about just staying in and maybe having a glass of wine or watching a movie or something. You know, let me know if that interests you, right? Instead of, you know, being super blunt, you know, let me know. But so what I'm assuming is that when I usually, when I teach this in a much, you know, deeper way where people, you know, the whole course about it is that you're building trust when you first meet someone. So there's, of course, no one's gonna get together with someone alone if they don't trust them, right? If you don't feel trust where you're not gonna meet up with a stranger at their house or you're out of them into your house. So I understand where you're coming from. So I'm assuming that there's trust built, but there is another way to go about it and hope that was helpful. Okay, cool. All right, most guys complicate things for the story. How do you decomplicate things and lose the story framework? You create a new story about how everything is simple, fun, and easy. That's what you do, okay? My life is simple, fun, and easy, meeting women and attracting them is simple, fun, and easy because I just show up and they feel a sense of trust and support for me and they feel like they can be themselves around me and be assertive and we have a great time and they feel my great vibe and stuff like that. So that's how you would do that. Tell yourself that it's simple, fun, and easy rather than, oh, it's complicated and I'm gonna overcome it, cool? All right, let's give it up for Brent Smith. Okay, thanks.