 How's my hair look? It's kind of early. Who cares? You know, I like these mountains. That's the famous boulder flat irons, but the light's just not good here, so I'm going to point the camera the other way. All right, this is a little bit better. Welcome to beautiful boulder. So, I was wondering when I would get the motivation, inspiration, spark to make a new video. It's been over a month since I've touched a camera, since I've opened my editing software, and I just haven't felt it. And then, last night, I couldn't sleep. I was up late, and I started scrolling through my Instagram all the way to the very beginning of Instagram, my Instagram, back in 2010. I was looking at all these photos and my captions, and it just filled me with a sense of gratitude. You know, what a life! And I just started feeling really happy again, and excited to get out there again, and get it on, you know? So, I was like, tomorrow I'm going to wake up early and come out here and make a little video for you. Sorry, this is kind of like a boring style video. I'm just going to be talking to the camera, but baby steps, you know what I'm saying? We'll get back to the full productions here soon enough. But I just wanted to make a video so that you all know that I'm good. I've had a great month of doing almost nothing. Which is like the first time in my life I've really just sat back and just let it all be. Like I've just really focused on being present, being here, being here. I've spent a lot of time here at my sacred thinking trees out in nature. And from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank all of you out there, all you wonderful people. When I made my video about feeling burned out, so many of you reached out, and just poured on the love, and it touched my heart deeply. And I can't thank you enough. I really still get affected by it when I think about it. It's like, wow, all these people around the world really care about me and that's a special feeling because I care about you. And this is a two-way thing, this is a community. This isn't just Ryan's YouTube channel. This is us. Everything I put on here is to hopefully motivate you to go out and challenge yourselves or just put a smile on your face or enjoy a bean burrito, whatever it is. Whatever you get out of this channel and then you share that with your neighbors and your friends in your community and we're all making the world a better place and that's the goal with all of this. And it feels really good to be standing here right now talking to you because I didn't know when I'd get this feeling back and I was worried that I wouldn't get it back. And I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude. So, thank you. I wish I could reach right through there and give you all a big hug because I care about you all. So what have I been doing exactly? Well, just taking it easy, really. And it's been really good for me physically and mentally. And I've spent a lot of time with near and dear friends, of course. A lot of long walks with my friend Waylon. A lot of bike rides with Dana. You all know and love Dana. I spent a lot of time with my mom, my brothers and his two cute little kids and every night actually my brother calls on FaceTime when his kids are in the bathtub and we have this little bath time moment and it's just so fun to be connected to them even though it's just through a phone. And I've also been spending a lot of time with my grandma. As you know, in the most recent video I told you that she's suffering from pretty severe dementia. And I've been going to visit her about twice a week. And some days are good and some days are bad. Dementias, you know, so unpredictable. And more than anything, it just feels good to be with her and hold her hand and let her know that I love her. You know, I just sit there with her and hug her and listen to her. And most of what she says doesn't make a whole lot of sense. It's hard to understand her sometimes. But I think she does understand love. You know, we all do, no matter what's going on in our brains. We feel the human connection and that's been really powerful in my life over the last year with my grandma. You see, she didn't live in Boulder. She lived in New Hampshire. So I only saw her about twice a year. So even though she's suffering from dementia which is a horrible disease, we brought her out here and seen her more than I ever have in my life. And it's a good reminder just to live every day to the fullest. I know it's kind of a cliche saying, but it really is. She had this wonderful life, madly in love with her high school sweetheart, traveled the world. My grandpa was in the military. He worked at embassies all over the world and they had this incredible dream life. And about five years ago, we started noticing things. She was forgetting things. She was saying things over and over. The same things over and over. And it's just gotten worse and worse and worse. And now her life is completely different. She doesn't even really know where she is. And it's heartbreaking. It absolutely is heartbreaking. And it just, it's a good reminder. Like you never know when something's going to be taken away from you. Whether it's your mind or a severe injury or death, you never know. My grandma was living this amazing life and all of a sudden dementia hit. And now she can't even put on her own clothes. And yeah, it's tough, but we're there with her every day. And she's physically, she's great. I think we've got her for a while longer. And I'm just going to keep on going and loving on her. And it's been good for both of us. It really has. And she still remembers me. Whenever I show up, she knows it's me. She calls me Rai. Hey Rai. It's been really nice just to be here with my grandma and not traveling. You know, usually I'm on the go. I'm in and out. I can't commit to seeing her all that often. But for this past month, it's been all Nana. And it's been great for the both of us. All right. That sun just popped through the clouds. I'm going to move the camera. I don't know if that's any better. It's hard to escape the very bright Colorado morning sun. I'm just going to have to deal with it. And I also like to say it's okay to cry. Men can cry. You've seen me do it many, many times on this channel. That's love just pouring out of me. That's all it is. Another highlight of the last month was my birthday. On January 21st. Mark it down in your calendars. I turned 43 years old. What? That sounds old. You know what? My mom told me when I turned 43. She's like, do you know what? I was 43 when you graduated from high school. Mom, why do you have to say that? That's all right. Young at heart. Forever. And I still have my hair. Of course it's getting a little gray. But that's all right. So on my birthday, I just went on a nice long run. A four hour run. And it was a snowy day. And it was beautiful. And I just wanted to be outside in nature. Moving my body. And have time to think about this beautiful life that I have. And I really started thinking a lot about taking a month off. And how fortunate I am that I could even do that. So many people. My mom, for example, when she was raising kids, couldn't just be like, you know what? I'm burned out. I'm taking a month off. Peace out. Uh-uh. She had four kids to raise. And I'm really grateful that I've had this time just to be with myself. And figure things out. And really think about what I want in my life and in the future. Any time to think about the past and just all this beauty. And the whole past month I've just been overwhelmed with the feeling of gratitude. I'm so fortunate and grateful for this beautiful life. And for what I get to do as my job. I get to talk to you. I get to share stories with you. Travel the world. And that's my job. And it's an absolute dream come true. And even though I've felt burnt out and tired, you know, I really always come back to just gratitude for the ability to do this. And to have all of you on my side. And I know that I've been getting messages from you. When are you coming back? When are you coming back? And you know, I appreciate it. I appreciate that you're excited to see new videos. And I'm excited to make them. I don't really count this as like a cool new video. This is more of like a catch up with you and me. But I will get back to it soon enough. And on the night of my birthday, I had dinner with my nearest and dearest, with my mom and Dana and Xanthe. And another person. Another person was at my birthday dinner. And, man, there's somebody new in my life. And it's incredible. And this is just an example of life handing you something when you least expect it. You know that John Lennon quote, life is what happens when you're off making other plans. Well, I was off making other plans. Actually making no plans. Not doing a whole lot. And then a very special woman came into my life. And I didn't expect it. And I'm not even sure that I was ready for it or wanted it. I was kind of okay with being single. Single guy. You know, my life is awesome. And relationships have always been very tough for me. I have 100% failure rate. You know, and I've loved deeply. I have a lot of love to give. And I've had wonderful girlfriends. And I've learned so much from them. And I still love all of them. But things haven't worked out. You know, it's been years since I've met somebody. And this is, you can tell, I'm excited. When I'm excited and I'm feeling love, these things come out. Tears. I met a wonderful woman. And her name is Amelia. And she was at my birthday dinner with me. So this is the whole story of why there was another person at my birthday dinner. And she's wonderful. And she's kind. And she's thoughtful. And she's caring. And she's athletic. And she liked running and riding bikes. And we've had a wonderful month together. Getting to know one another. And it's really special. Because I didn't know if I would ever feel this again. I've had love. I've had love. But I don't care who knows it. And now you all know it. And I have a really good feeling about this. I have a really good feeling. And I know it's only been five weeks since we've officially been together. But it feels so good. It's a deep, passionate, intense, genuine love built on honesty. And we've been open with one another. And you're probably bored with this. I'm sorry. I didn't think I was going to come up here and get emotional. But I can't help it. It's just who I am. I want to go find a new spot. Come with me. So I woke up early today after not sleeping a lot last night. Motivated to make a video. Essentially just to let you know that I'm good. I'm really good. And I want to thank you again for all of the huge outpouring of love that you bombarded me with. It really humbled me. It really did. And thank you all so much. I'm feeling my sense of joy and wonder coming back every day. I feel a little bit more excited about all this every day. And I don't know what my channel is going to look like going forward. I don't know if I can maintain the one video a week thing. Sometimes I will when I go on an adventure and I have tons of footage. But I don't know if I can maintain the one video a week. It's just a ton. But I'm going to do my best. I promise you I'm going to do my best. I love this channel. This is my job. I love all of you. I love the world. And I take my job very seriously. Because I want to do this. I want to be there for you on your Sunday mornings or Sunday afternoons in Europe or two in the mornings in Australia or whatever time it is when I release these videos. But I'm good. I'm really good. And I feel like the best is yet to come. It really excites me. Even when I say it out loud I believe it and I know it. Yeah, that's about it. I'm going to reach through here now and give you all a big hug. And I hope you're all doing well. I really do. Stay tuned. Like and subscribe. Tell your friends to subscribe. You know the whole deal. If you would like to support me on Patreon I'm all moving. I'm going to keep this machine going forward. And I promise it's going to be good. It's going to be great. It's going to be beautiful. Think of all the endless drone shots that are coming your way and all the beautiful close-ups of flowers and more importantly all the wonderful people I'm going to meet and then I'm going to introduce you to. That's my favorite part of all this we're all brothers and sisters and fathers and mothers and children you know this is the hippie in me coming out now but we are all connected and we're connected through love and I'm feeling it more than ever right now. I really am. Have a wonderful day and stay tuned.