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The Pre-Recorded Messages of Cave Johnson





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Uploaded on Apr 21, 2011

If you're not already blatantly aware, Portal 2 spoilers ahead. These are in no particular order, grouped by "decade." It does not contain any clips of Caroline.

"Hello friends, investors, test subjects. Fan of Cave Johnson here. And let me tell you, have I got something to share today. A couple days ago one of the test subjects found her way into the gates of hell. Couldn't stop her if we tried. Somewhere down there she tested and re-tested everything we thought was good and buried for ages. Apparently a solid multi-layered enormous hatch door can't keep everything out like the engineers said it would. So, Cave went ahead and fired their descendants. Didn't need 'em anyway."

"We found these pre-recorded messages shortly after and here we are today. Now,all the tapes were covered in mold, asbestos, moon dust, repulsion gel, or some combination of otherwise highly dangerous and lethal substances that would kill anything that got within fifteen feet of it. But we had to get what we could! For science."

"We ran out of employees to re-record the tapes and we got some more sitting around. When we get the funding, believe me, they will be heard again. We are also recruiting new test subjects for the same test. Average commitment is about seven minutes. And there's sixty bucks at the end of it. If you're interested, let a test associate know. Fan of Cave Johnson, we're done here."


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