 The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris and his orchestra. The orchestra opens the program with I Feel a Song coming on. It's in the air around you, it's written in people's faces, it's anywhere and everywhere, the wonderful excitement that comes with Christmas week. Now when spirits are high and appetites are keen, Jell-O is the perfect dessert for you to serve. For Jell-O's festive shining colors, its delicious fresh fruit flavor are right in keeping with the gaiety of the season. So let Jell-O help you celebrate your holidays, serve it in any one of its six delicious flavors. Flavors unusually rich because they come from fresh ripe fruit. But just remember that there is only one Jell-O, and only Jell-O brings you that extra rich fruit flavor. So make no mistake, insist on the real thing, insist on genuine Jell-O. We bring you a man who stands for good wholesome entertainment, who stands for bright sparkling humor. In fact, a man who stands for almost anything, Jack Benny. Hello again, this is standing Jack Benny talking. Listen Don, I may be easy going and all that, but there's a limit to just how much I will stand. I think you've found that out the past few weeks. But I've never really seen you blow up, Jack. Well that's because I managed to keep myself under control. But if I ever lose my temper, well I just hope I'm not around when it happens. Oh Jack, you haven't such a temper. Well I've heard you argue with Phil Harrison you've been as gentle as a lamb. Yes Don, but you'll never know the battle that goes on inside of me. How I have to fight to hold myself back. Well, that's generally a nice safe quarrel. Yes. Jack, I don't want to interfere, but I do think that since Christmas is so near that you and Phil ought to make up. No Don, the wound is too deep. You see you only know me on the surface, but there are really two Jack Benny's. There's the patient, amiable, fun-loving fellow you see around the studio. And then there's that other me, stark, savage, primitive. A throwback to the stone age. I tell you Don, one minute I'm as meek as a mouse, and then all of a sudden I'm Vasuvius erupting. My, my. Well anyway, I'm through coddling people around here and that goes for Phil Harris or anybody else. You know, you can go just so far and then the worm turns. You're right Jack. I'll say I am. Hello worm. Well I haven't turned yet. You better watch your step too Murray. What I just said about Phil goes for everybody on this program. I'm not worried about you. I've got my own troubles. You know I just had an awful fight with myself. You did? You may not know it Jack, but there are two Mary Livingsons. Oh there are. Yes. There's the quiet, home-loving me who spends the time in the kitchen. I see. And then there's the other me, wild, reckless, with a yen for caviar and cheap jewelry. Oh so, so you've got a dual personality too. Have I? I'm a regular Dr. Jackal and Mrs. Hyde. Well, as they don, did Phil get here yet? Oh yes Jack. He's right on time tonight. He must have read my thoughts last week. Believe me it's good to put your foot down once in a while. Hello Mary. Hello Jack. Hello Kenny. Say what kind of a hello was that? That was my other self talking. Hey Don, look who's got another self. Oh yeah? I've got two me's too. Oh you have. Sure. There's one me that you all know around the studio, good nature, dumb and unconscious. And then there's the real me, smart, bright and witty. Why don't you bring him around sometime? Oh Mary, leave him alone. That guy don't know enough to come in out of the rain. He does too. Come in where? Forget it Kenny, it doesn't rain in California anyway. It doesn't? No. Then what keeps falling out of the sky, orange juice? Well maybe the weather has a dual personality too. You know there are two sides to everything and everyone. Don't you think so Don? Positively and now that you brought it up, you know Jack, you may not believe this but there are really two Don Wilson's. Oh I can see that Don. But a little dieting will take care of that, you know. Oh you're laughing at my expanse. No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm serious. But all kidding aside, I too have another self. There's the quiet retiring me who just says, Jell-O is the fastest selling gelatin dessert in the world and every day millions of people eat it. I see. And there's that other me that says that Jell-O has six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon and lime. Why Don, you frighten me. Oh! Quick playboy! Don! Go back to your room and tell me. So you can tell she comes from Dixie, conducted by Phil Harris, who also has a duo personality. By that I mean he's a two-timer. You know, during every number he waves one hand at the orchestra and the other at the girls in the audience and it's got to stop. All right, I'll quit waving at the orchestra. Well, at least that'll help the music. Are you even poising the boys in the band against me? I have not. You haven't and why don't they laugh at my jokes? Why don't you say something funny? I don't want to establish a precedent around here, that's why. That's awfully good. Laugh at him, boys. Well, at least they were together. That's more than I can say about their music. Zowie! What happened? Jack thought he said something funny. It's a fine bunch I'm associated with. What's the matter with you, Jack? Every year you pick a fight with us. Well, what about it? Last year it was just before Christmas too. Well, I like to do my Christmas scrapping early. Jack, why don't you consider my suggestion and make up with Phil? How about it, Phil? Well, I'm willing if that horseless cowboy is. Well, I'm not a horseless cowboy. No, you're a brainless master of ceremonies. Oh, yeah? That means fighting my country. I wish we were there. Gee, a little geography saves Jack a lot of trouble. There'd be a lot of trouble right now if it wasn't that Kenny has to sing his songs. I can wait, Jack. You sing when you're supposed to, not when you're ready. Oh, this thing's getting worse and worse. Come on, Jack, now make up with Phil. What do you say? No, Don. I realize this is the time of year when we must forgive and forget. But even this holiday spirit cannot erase this car that has been etched into my heart. Oh, Jack, you're making a scar out of a molehill. No, I'm not. Did you ever hear that famous poem by Ludwig Schmutz? James Arthur, tonight. That poem called Barrett with a Grim? No. Well, it goes something like this. When your soul is torn as thunders by some fellow's thoughtless blunders and your troubles deep down under Barrett with a Grim. When he makes your life so dreary and your eyes with tears are bleary and your oaths so gosh darn weary. Barrett with a Grim. Many. So if your false friend should forsake you and a fool he tries to make you point at him and say you snake you and say it with a groan. I guess you know how I feel about it now, Don. Sing, Kenny. And my poems are supposed to be bad. Am I so jealous of the moon? Summer night in you. Why can they remain beside me? Tonight sung by Kenny Baker and tonight it seems to have an extra touch of tenderness. But there's one thing that puzzles me, Kenny. How can you say so many dumb things and yet sing so sweetly? Well, I don't have to think when I sing. Oh. I bet he's got a record in his mouth. I doubt it. Well, Jack. Yes, Don. I don't want to interrupt the program, but I may not get to see you again until after Christmas. That's right. Well, come to the point, Jack. Mary, Kenny and I got together and bought you a little Christmas present, which I hope you like. Well, thanks, Don. Mary, you too, Kenny. You're welcome. Here you are, Jack. Here, I imagine it's something awfully nice. Well, well. Gee, this is a surprise. A gold buttonhook. Uh-huh. Say, that'll come in handy. Of course, I haven't worn button shoes in a long time, but if they ever come back, boy, I'll be all set. Well, I'm glad you like it, Jack. It's a beautiful buttonhook and gold, too. Yeah, and there's a toothpick on one end. Oh, there sure is. Well... If these ever come back, you'll be all set. Well, thanks, kids. I sure appreciate this. Gee, you must have gone back 20 years to get it. Oh, it wasn't any trouble, Jack. No, I imagine it wasn't. Now, uh, uh, gather... gather round, everybody. It's my turn to play Fanny Clause. I got a little surprise for most all of you. Here's a little gift for you, Kenny. A beautiful red-built necktie. Oh, thanks, Jack. Isn't it pretty? Gee... You know, this looks like the same tie I gave you last year. Well, it isn't. It's different. Yeah, it's got spots on it now. Quiet. He can have it cleaned. And, Don, here's a present for you. It's something I know you love. What is it? A box of genuine jello. Oh, goody! I knew it would love it. My wife's going to give me a sliced pineapple for Christmas. They'll go swell together. Oh, they sure will. Um, oh, Jack. What? Where's the present I'm going to exchange? Here, and don't be funny. Hmm, change. What is it? What is it? Can't you see? It's an earring. An earring? Yeah. One earring? Where's the other one? Well, there'll be other Christmases, won't there? This is a fine present. Now I'll be lopsided. Put it on, Mary. That's a style now. Anyway, one earring. Uh, Jack, didn't you forget somebody? Not anybody that didn't forget me. But to show you the difference in characters, come here, Mary. Here's a present for him. You give it to him. Okay. Here, Phil. Jack told me to give you this Christmas present. What is it? It's a curling iron. A curling iron? Yes. Thanks. Only my hair is naturally curly. Well, if it ever straightens out, you'll be all set. And, incidentally, it's time for your next number to stop grinning at the girls in the audience and play. All right, Simon. Man, I'll wait him. I may be exacting, but I'm no Simon LaGrie. I meant simple Simon. Oh. Now I'm stumped. Now go ahead and play a number, smarty-pants. Mary, how do you like that earring I gave you? Fine. My ear's turning green already. Some Christmas spirit around here. Some presents, too. The mutiny in the brass section played by Curly Harris. The kink of jazz. And incidentally, folks, not that I care, but evidently Mr. Harris has never heard that it's better to give than to receive. Imagine a guy not reciprocating after you've given him a swell curling iron. Well, it isn't even electric. I told you like Benjamin Franklin to autograph it. What a guy. And now, folks, this being our last program, let's meet for Christmas. Oh, well, come in. Hello, Chikbani. How's it going? Good to see you again. How'd you happen to drop in? Well, it's the holiday season, and I'm bringing you some greetings. Well, thanks. What are you doing these days, Patsy? Can you read Engels? Engels. Of course I can read English. Then you can read English. Of course I can read English. Then here's my card. Patsy Flick. Suits, clothes, and merry Christmas. So you're in the clothing business now, eh? Yes, sir. And, Chik, it's rather bull-rolling. I brought you a Christmas present. Well, that's very nice of you, Patsy, but you didn't have to do it. Don't mention it, cutie. I'm temperamental. Oh, look at this, a brand-new suit. Is it really a present for me? Well, indeed, Rick. Well, it sure is a nice gesture. Hey, wait a minute. There's only the pants and vests here. Where's the coat? That'll cost you $75. I see. Well, I don't need a new suit. You don't need a suit. Look at that coat you're wearing. What's wrong with it? The tatis I wouldn't put in that bag. Oh, you wouldn't, eh? And look at this cheap material. You call this a pocket. See? Hey, wait a minute. Hold on there. What are you doing to Jack? Don't interrupt the sale. Say, you've got a lot of nerve. And look at this fleece. Now, is that a coat I asked you? Not now it isn't. And look at those pants. Can I leave the room, Jack? No, this is going far enough. Here, take back your pants and vests and get out of here. Oh, that's shit, man. You give a guy a present and he don't even reciprocate. Now, goodbye and happy New Year. Here's my coat all ripped and torn. I got a date with a doll right after the program. Now, what are you laughing at? If it's a rag doll, you're all set. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as I said before, this being our last program before Christmas, tonight we are going... What's that? Andy Devine. Glad to see Andy. Oh, glad to see you, too, but... What brings you? Well, ain't you and me going out looking for cactus face armor? Dog gone and Andy, we got to arguing and talking up here tonight and giving out presents. I'm afraid we won't be able to do Buck Benny rides again until next Sunday. Oh, shucks. And I'm all dressed up in my cowboy suit. Don't take it so hard. Come over next Sunday and you can play with us. Sorry you had to make this long trip, Andy. Well, I didn't mind coming over. I'm kind of stuck on Mary, you know. Stop blushing, Andy. I ain't blushing, I'm boiling. Well, Andy, I'm sorry about Buck Benny. I really am. Well, I'm sure disappointed, too. I know how you feel. Well, dog on it, but you know, Buck, that reminds me of a poem by Ludwig Schmutz. Good ol' Schmutzie. Good ol' Schmutzie. By Ludwig, huh? Here in it goes something like this. When you're just a buck of room. And Buck Benny, you cannot do. Don't feel bad and don't feel blue. Just bear it with a grin. Ah, those are real sentiments, Andy. Ludwig sure went to town on that one, huh? Well, so long, Buck. See you next week. So long, Andy. So long. He sure has a lot of fun, doesn't he, huh? Well, I gotta run along now, fellas. The program is nearly over anyway. I don't think you need me here any longer tonight. Besides, I've got a date, so I'm gonna go. Goodbye, Mary. Goodbye, Jack, and a merry Christmas. Same to you. So long, Don. Goodbye, Kenny. Merry Christmas, Jack. Same to you. Well, so long. Hey, Jack. Yeah? Merry Christmas to you. Same to you, Phil. Goodbye. Wait a minute, Jack. I want to talk to you. Well, hurry up. I've got a date. Listen, Jack, I think we've both been acting like a couple of kids, but I want to tell you one thing, and it comes right from my heart. I've been with you 12 weeks now, and I've enjoyed every minute of it. You wouldn't know it. Of course, sometimes you've tried to act hard-boiled, but deep down underneath, you're a regular guy. No, I am, am I? Well, I'm going. Wait a minute, Jack. Just to show you how I feel about you, here's a little Christmas present. Thank you. Well, why don't you open it? Oh, you open it. It's probably some trick. Gee, I hope you like it, Jack. Oh, I already said thanks. Gee, look, fellow. God, gee, where? Oh, Jack, look. Hmm. Why, it's the most beautiful watch I've ever seen. I've got a watch. And look at that platinum case and diamonds all around it. I thought so. If I wear that, somebody will hold me up and hit me over the head. Oh, gee, it's beautiful, Phil. It certainly is. Oh, Jack, that's really something. Gee, it is pretty, isn't it? Gee, platinum and diamonds all around it. Gee, thanks, Phil. You're welcome, Jack. Oh, boy, that is gorgeous. Well, Phil, I hardly know what to say now. I feel so, oh, I don't know. I'll forget about it, Jack. I wish I'd have bought you an electric iron now. Boy, I'll bet this must have set you back plenty, huh, Phil? Well, just don't fire me for about two years. Well, Phil, all I can say is I'm terribly sorry for everything that happened and see if I can ever do anything for you and if you ever want to know what time it is, don't hesitate to ask me. I don't value anything, Jack, as much as I do your friendship. Gee, I didn't know you felt that way. See, but all I can say is, well, thanks, Phil. Oh, you're welcome, Jack. Merry Christmas. Come on, fellas, come on. Pull yourselves together. Ladies and gentlemen, I wish you could all be here to witness this touching display of friendship. In fact, I personally am so moved that I can hardly say that jello is the most tempting jello in the first world. Don't just be sure to get the chance you would jello with a big red lettuce on the fire. Is there a Santa Claus you've bet your life there is and you'll be more certain of it than ever once you taste jello chocolate pudding? It's the best that comes your way since the old days when your grandmother made chocolate pudding. Smoother, creamier, more chocolatey with a grand, homemade flavor. That's jello chocolate pudding. And it's amazingly easy and inexpensive to make. Here's all you do. Mix the contents of one package with some milk in the top of your double cool and this delicious pudding is all ready to be served in your sherbet glasses. And if you want to give it an extra special Christmas touch, add some raisins or toasted nuts or both. You'll get six luscious servings from each package of jello chocolate pudding which sells for the same low price as jello. Ask your grocer about it tomorrow. If he hasn't put it in stock yet, be sure he orders it for you. Remember the name jello chocolate pudding. This is the last number of the 12th program in the new jello series. And we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time when you will hear our next installment of Buck Benny Rides Again. Well, fellas, I was going out on a party tonight but I'd much rather be with a gang. Come on, let's all go out and make whoopies. How about you, Phil? Thanks, Jack, but I've already got a date tonight. Oh, bring her along. And if she's got a girlfriend, bring her along for me. She has, Jack, but her girlfriend isn't very pretty. Oh, I don't care. Phil, see as long as I'm with you. And Phil don't care as long as he's with a girl. Good night, folks, and Merry Christmas. J.E.S.L.L. All. Here's loving your eyes from the big broadcast of 1937. Summer night is from Sing Me a Love Song. The jello program comes to you over the red network from the Hollywood studios of the National Broadcasting Company. K.F.I. Los Angeles Earl C. Anthony, Incorporated. 15 seconds before 9.