 From Hollywood, the NBC Theater presents... Director's assignment, production The Perfect Marriage, director Lewis Allen, star Loretta Young. The Hollywood Screen Directors present a comedy of wedlock in a deadlock. The Perfect Marriage, starring 1948 Academy Award winner Loretta Young and introducing the director of the film, Lewis Allen. Tonight's guest screen director and tonight's story both. First saw the light of the entertainment world upon the stage of the theater and brilliant successes in this field brought them to the motion picture medium. Thus, the selection of our guest to make a picture from Samson Rafelson's popular play, The Perfect Marriage, was a logical one. He has created comedy all the way from London to Hollywood and has directed such fine films as The Uninvited, Our Hearts Were Young and Gay, So Evil My Love and the soon-to-be-released Paramount Picture, Chicago Deadline, starring Alan Ladd. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Lewis Allen. Thank you. There are two schools of thought about marriage. Those who think that it can't be perfect and those who know darn well it can't. Tonight we're concerned with the marital comedy, a story that's one of my favorites, simply because it's a barrel of fun. So here's The Perfect Marriage, starring Loretta Young, her original role of Jenny, with Robert Bailey as Dale. They say that a perfect marriage is like a perfect crime. You can never quite get away with it. Well, Dale and Jenny Williams seem to be getting away with it up to now. They've been just as successful at marriage as they've been at their respective careers. His as an aeronautical engineer, hers as an editor of a woman's magazine. And today, today is their fifth wedding anniversary. A fact which bubbles through Jenny's mind is they indulge in that Native American custom known as brunch. Darling, isn't it wonderful? Absolutely. Best coffee rose ever made. Oh no, no, no. I mean, us Dale. Here we are sitting across the breakfast table after five years. Five wonderful years. Five years of breakfast. One thousand eight hundred and twenty-five breakfasts together. Oh, really? Well, you don't have to count them, darling. One thousand eight hundred and twenty-six and one half counting leap year. Oh, where does the half come in? Our first breakfast. Oh. The eggs were half done, the toast was half burned, and the prunes were half stewed. And so were you, dear. I was not. That was sheer happiness. Oh, Dale, are you happy now? Happy? Yeah. Sure, I guess so. Darling, I have a wonderful idea. Let's go away together anywhere. Let's just dance and laugh and be gay, just like we used to do. Yeah, well, I'd like to, Jenny, but, well, you know, the office. Oh. We'll make it another time. I'll pass the toast, will you please? Certainly. Dale, since you're so busy, you won't have any injections to my going to Atlantic City for a week, will you? No, no, of course not. Well, don't you even want to know why? All right, why? Pass the butter, will you please? Because my magazine wants me to cover a convention there. It's fine, fine. It's good. You sure you don't mind? Why should I mind? Well, I'm your wife, Dale. Well, what's that got to do with it? Then you don't mind. You don't even care one little bit. Well, I'll, I'll miss you if that's what you want me to say. Yes, you'll miss me like you did when I went to Paris last month. Well, certainly I missed you. I shut out when her is your grapefruit. Oh, well, you stop knowing on that toast. Why? Because you look like a moose in molting season. That's why. Jenny, what on earth is a matter with you? Well, Dale, let's face it, our marriage has gone flat. We've let ourselves become just, well, intimate acquaintances who share nothing but a roof. What do you mean? You know very well, you knew that I was going to be in Paris for weeks, and yet you made no effort to stop me, and now it's the same thing all over again. Look, look, you're a businesswoman, Jenny, with a businesswoman's responsibilities, I simply acknowledge that fact. Well, I can remember when you wouldn't have let me gone so cheerfully. Oh, what's that supposed to mean? Oh, I could scream every time I think of that leer on your face when the boat pulled out. It wasn't a leer, it was a smile. Yes. Well, you were glad to see me go. Oh, for heaven's sake, Jenny. And that goodbye kiss you gave me, a bird-peck. A love bird? Hmm, more like a duck-billed platypus soul. Duck-billed platypus, you don't even know what it looks like. Oh, yes, I do, it has a long beak. That was no platypus, that was that, that, that goop you used to date. Do you mean Gil Cummins? He's not a goop. He's a very dear friend. Well, he's a goop if I ever saw one, and I've seen one, and it's him. Well, there'd be anything else, Mrs. Williams. A goop, I say, a goop. I'm sorry, Mr. Williams, but I think you ate the last one yesterday morning. May I go now? My gentlemen friend is waiting. Rose, I didn't even know you had one. Oh, Mrs. Williams, about the refrigerator. What's the matter with it? It keeps making a noise like H.B. Colton born with the hiccups. Well, Mr. Williams is an engineer, Rose. He'll grind the valves or something. Well, if you don't mind, Mrs. Williams, the last time he tried to fix the refrigerator, the radio exploded. Well, Rosie's really very good with airplanes. Yes, ma'am, I'm sure he is, ma'am, but I don't want my refrigerator flying around the kitchen. I'll fix it myself when I get time. Oh, I almost forgot. Miss Moore's in the living room. Shall I get rid of her? That's what I like about you, Rose. No inhibitions. Oh, thank you, ma'am. I never did hold with drinking. Hi, Gloria. Have you had breakfast? Always ago. Congratulations, perfect marriage. I hope I'm not intruding. You are. Dale, I love you. You're so funny. Here's a great big kiss. Hey, wait a minute. He's not that funny. Just to keep peace in the family, it's Jenny I came to see. How about lending me that little black hat that looks so silly on you? Yes, I know the one. Come on, I'll get it. Now, stop looking at me that way, Dale. Your favorite divorcee is tying the can to a latest boyfriend. I want to do it in style. Haven't you got a hat of your own? It doesn't matter with you, anyway. Oh, hangover. That's what you get for mixing gin with gin. It's not that. I dived too deep for the olive. Now, will you please go away? All right, if that's the way you feel about it. But remember... What? I don't know. I can't think of a good line. I'm going upstairs. Here's the hat, Gloria. What's with you and Dale, darling? Do I detect a fleck of tarnish on the perfect marriage? What makes you say that? We both seem so upset. You? Well, it's because of Rosa. Oh, poisoning your food again, huh? Oh, Gloria, she's unhappy. Husband trouble. Her own or somebody else's? Oh, please, Gloria. Now, look, you're an expert on husbands. Maybe you could give me some advice for Rosa. Well, what are the symptoms? Well, it's just that a husband and wife discover that they really don't care for each other anymore. What happens then? They're Ph.T.T.T. I don't know how to pronounce it, but that's the way you spell it. Hey, Jenny, I just wanted to tell you, I'll have to run down to the office. Oh, but Dale, it's Sunday. I'm sorry it can't be helped. My, but Rosa has certainly upset this domestic paradise. Rosa? What she got to do with it? Oh, yes, yes, I was just telling Gloria about the crisis in Rosa's marriage. But she isn't married. And married to the right man? No, of course she isn't, dear. Oh, no, no, of course not. There's always a possibility of salvaging it. How? Well, if they're years together, I have a quality that's too precious to lose. Oh, Gloria, that's gibberish. That makes pretty good sense to me, Jenny. Come in. I'm leaving now, Mrs. Wiggins. Oh, Rosa, come in, I want to talk to you. Run along, Rosa, have a good time. About the refrigerator, ma'am. I think I can help you with your problem. Oh, it's nothing I can fix, Miss Moore. I'm glad to see you're so optimistic. I'll just take a monkey wrench to it. Isn't that a little drastic? It might be better to get a new one. The old one's pretty well wore out. Yes, ma'am. But remember, Rosa, you only have one chance at happiness. Yes, but you ought to hear the noise it makes. Oh, sometimes I wonder if I wasn't happier when the ice man came every day. What an odd woman. Yes, maybe the poor man's right. Well, I've got to run along myself. Hey, how about having dinner with Jenny and myself tonight? I'd love to. Bye-bye, kiddies. Goodbye, Gloria, and thanks for the advice. For Rose, I mean. I'm glad you decided not to go to the office. I'll show her. Not an engineer for nothing. I'll fix this refrigerator. Jenny. I know, dear, I know. We need a new refrigerator. Well, here, move over, I want to help you. Hey, no, wait a minute, you don't have to do that. No, but I want to. Oh! What's wrong? Oh, my back. It slipped out of place again. Oh, here, Rose. I'll come here, turn around. Yeah. I'll get all set. Yeah. You all right? Relax now. Oh! Oh, it's better. Donning hold me close. Dale, I don't know what I'd do without you. No, neither do I. Well, I'm glad you came to your senses. What do you mean, dear? Well, that little spat we had this morning. Oh. You know, I'd feel like a cad leaving you alone. Oh. The ability to cope with the world, it's obvious. Oh. I don't think it's that obvious. Well, of course it is. A man in his 30s has his whole life ahead of him. Yeah. But with a woman in her 30s, it's different. Dale! Yeah. Do you realize what you're saying? Well, yeah, sure, I do. I'm just being honest. But... Now, how many men want a woman over 30 when they can get a young girl? Well, I know one who would. Ha, who? Ha, who? Gil Cummins, that's who. Hey, married women don't talk like that. Well, that's right, they don't. I'll just see what I can do about this little situation right now. Hey, this is a fine time to make a phone call. I can't think of a better time. Now, wait a minute, Jenny, what do you think? Have you gone crazy? Addison, this is Jenny. Jenny Williams. Dale, I want to see you this afternoon. No, no, not for cocktails. We want a divorce. Addison, now, you're our friend as well as our lawyer. But we've come to your house on business, so please, let's keep it impersonal. What a divorce. Now, look, you two, how short can your memories be? Dale, have you forgotten the time Jenny was in the hospital and you walked the corridor for hours on end? No, no, of course not. You don't forget things like that. And Jenny, you haven't forgotten the time you begged me to come to the airfield with you? Dale was testing an experimental plane. You told me you couldn't go on living if anything happened to him. Have you forgotten that, Jenny? Hey, Jenny, I never knew you were there that day. Addison, you promised me that you'd never tell him. Well, let's forget this talk about divorce until you're perfectly sure in your own minds, perfectly sure. Well, I... Take her home, Dale. Straighten things out. Jenny, what do you say? Well, all right. All right, Dale, I'll try. Well, that's more like it. Now you kids run along home and patch this thing up. Yes, all right. Now, as you open the door, don't stumble over my wife. Mabel's probably listening at the keyhole. Oh, my Jimmy, don't! Hello, Mabel. And Dale, I didn't know you were here. Liar. Now, say hello and run along. Well, not until I steal Jenny for five little minutes. I simply must talk to her. Oh, please, Mabel, not now. Oh, but, darling, this is simply can't wait. This is important. Business, darling, but I do want to be helpful. Now, you get a good property settlement from Dale. But I don't want anything. I'm not even sure I want a divorce. Oh, of course you want a divorce. Suppose you lose your job. Suppose Dale goes to head and marries Gloria. She'll have everything she wants. Oh, what's Gloria got to do with it? You didn't know. Didn't know what? Well, you see, well, I thought that was the reason for the divorce. Naturally, I didn't dream. Oh, my dear, I'd be the last person on earth to tell you that... What is it, Mabel? Well, it's just that you've been blind. Blind. What have I been blind about? Well, while you were in Paris, your husband and Gloria dined out every night in an obscure restaurant. So what of it? They had dinner together. But, my dear, they sculled. They giggled. Sheila Jameson told me that one night she saw the movie. But, Jenny, will you listen to me please? Gloria and I just had dinner together. I'm not concerned with dinner. It's what happened after dinner that bothers me. Well, you were in Paris and I was lonely. Well, not for long you were. Well, I just wanted somebody to talk to. Dale Williams, I know your little talks. I knew after one of them. That'll teach me to keep my big mouth shut. And if you think I'm going to dinner with you and that woman, you have another thought. Coming. Well, then, stay home for all I care. Oh, no, I'm not going home. Hold it. One side, chubby. I've got a date with your wife. She isn't here. Well, I'll wait. What are you doing here? This happens to be my home. Well, according to what Jenny told me over the phone a couple of hours ago, you'll be vacating soon. So, I'll just make myself comfortable. Now, where's your bourbon? Oh, it's right over there. Oh, that does it. That does it. I haven't seen her in years. You? Is that you? Hello, Gloria. Yes, very darling. We've got years of catching up. Remember that day for the night? Well, how would you like the more combo? Oh, no, no. Jenny won't be with us. Just a minute, Gloria. What is it? Come on. Yeah? Listening to the Hollywood Screen Director's presentation of The Perfect Marriage, starring Lorena Young in her original role with Robert Bailey, and introducing the director of the film, Louis Allen. Come on, Gill, let's dance. Oh, no, I'd rather sit here and look at you. If I say you're more beautiful than ever, you'll think I'm lying. And if I say you're not, I will be. Oh, don't stop it, Gill. I love it. I love every word of it. I've been saving a lot of words for you, Jenny. I've been traveling the world over. Oh, what for? Collecting bird eggs. Bird eggs? Well, sure. Sure, you love it. Oh, I'm an expert, but we'll talk about that some other time. Right now, I want to talk about you and me. Well, maybe we'd better talk about bird eggs. Now, look, heartbreak gal, you are going to marry me. Gill, I don't know. If I ever want to marry anybody again... I've had a long way, Jenny. What's the matter, Jenny? Look, who's sitting down over there? Dale and Gloria. You know, Gill, something tells me your waiting days are over. Did you know they'd be here? Uh, in a word. What word? Uh, yes. After everything you told me and you still can't bear to have Jenny out of your sight. Well, I was just kind of curious. Well, you can be curious without me. Good night. Oh, no, please, Gloria. Look, we won't stay. I'm very sorry. It was just an impulse. I don't know why I put up with you. Because we're pals. I got news for you, kid. I won't be a pal to any man. Well, you could be more than a pal to me, Gloria. I mean that. Well, let's get busy and see if we can make a deal. Oh, good Lord, they're coming over here. Enter one ex-friend. Oh, now, Gloria, please, don't make a scene. I won't unless she starts it. Well, Gloria. Jenny, darling. Oh, your hat is positively stunning. My old one, isn't it? I should have returned it, dear. It just matches your gown. Does Dale bring you here often, Gloria? No, he usually hides me away in a little saloon near the Bowery. Oh, the Bowery? Oh, isn't that so nice to feel at home in one's surroundings. But don't be embarrassed, darling. I'm not, really. I know you're just unhappy over losing Dale. Shall we put up the cutlery? Good evening, Dale. Good evening. Hello, Gil. What have you been doing? Enjoying it. Now, let's cut out this double talk and get down to cases. See, Jenny and I are going to get hitched as soon as she unloads you, Dale. That is your name, isn't it? Yes, Goop. Gil, Gil, there's no reason to tell him now. Why not? Because in your own simple language, my simple friend, I also have an announcement to make. As soon as I unhitch Jenny, Gloria and I are getting married. Would somebody buy me a good stiff drink? No, no, better than that. Let's have a party. Fine. Let's go up to my hotel. I have a chair, some gin and a bathtub. No, thanks. I never drink gin out of bathtubs. My place is worse. No furniture? No bathtub. Hey, wait a minute. We got a home, haven't we, Jenny? Yes. And besides, Gil might like to see the rest of the place. I don't like this room any better than the others. Well, you don't? No. Then we'll change them all, dear. I think I like this love seat, though. We'll keep it. You stay away from that love seat. Gloria and I are going to build a room around that. Come here, darling. Huh? Oh, this is the way it will always be, sitting here in front of the fireplace, Jenny. Wait a minute. My arms around you. You? Like this. And as you gaze up into my eyes, I'll kiss you. Like this. Hey, don't hold her like that. You keep out of this. Yes, what are you getting so excited about? Molly's trying to kiss my wife. Trying? Nothing. He's doing it. And it's about time I did the same to you. You? Wait a minute. Now what's wrong? Let's no way for him to kiss my wife. Why are you so worried? He'll throw her sacroiliac out of joint. The only trouble with you is too much Jenny. What do you mean? If you can worry about her sacroiliac while I'm kissing you, it's time for little Gloria to bow out. Oh, no, wait a minute. Gloria, wait a minute. Don't go! Love is quarrel. No. Just to change in plans, that's all. Oh, well, in case you're interested, I haven't changed mine. For your information, I am not interested. Oh, I see. Furthermore, I am going to bed. Oh, not in this house or not? In this house, in the study. Oh. Jenny, darling. Yes, Gil? Before we go ahead with plans for our future, there's something that you ought to know. Go on, Gil. Well, once when I was collecting bird eggs, it was in Sheboygan. I was walking down the street and I met a certain little... Jenny! Yes? Where are my pyjamas? In the kitchen. Pardon me, Gil, while I get... Oh, great little housekeeper, Jenny. Keeps my pyjamas in the oven. That is a snide remark. So I'm snide. Why don't you go home? Why don't you get someone to bounce me? I wouldn't need any help. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Here, catch. Thank you. I don't see how you put up with him for five years. Now, what were you saying, Gil, when he so rudely interrupted? Oh, oh, oh, yes. Well, once when I was collecting bird eggs, it was in Sheboygan. Yes. I was walking down the street and I met a certain little... Hey, Jenny. Oh, now what? Where are my vitamin pills? In the medicine chest, where they've always been. They are not, and I'm not going to bed without them. Oh, excuse me, Gil. I'll get them. No, let him get them. Well, look, just because we're getting a divorce is no reason why you should die at Berry Berry. Oh, vitamin pills. Ha! Well, it's just a hobby. After you take your vitamins, I'll take you on for a few rounds of polite boxing. You know, that'll be a pleasure. I've long looked forward to. Here, catch. Thank you, Jenny. You're welcome, Dale. Don't forget to wear your stocking cap. I'm awfully sorry, Gil. Now, what were you saying? Oh, oh, well, oh, it was just this. You see, once when I was collecting bird eggs... It was in Sheboygan. Yeah. I was walking down the street when I met a certain little... Oh, good Lord, what is that? Are you doing? Fixing the refrigerant. Well, do you have to do it right now? I certainly do. Darling, this time I'm going to skip the preliminaries and take you in my arms. Oh, Gil. Just a moment, old man, just a moment. If you're going to kiss my wife, the least you can do is let me show you how to protect a sacroiliac. Nobody asked you. One side, chubby. Now, see here. Now, just watch closely. Yes. You put one arm around her like this. Yes. That got me, Dale Williams. And the other arm around her like this. Oh. Gil, I don't like the look in his eye. Then you pull her toward you. Like this. Oh! Darling, darling. Oh, my back! Well, good night, everybody. Now, don't worry. All you need is a rubdown. I used to have a horse had the same trouble. Oh, this is terrible. No, no, no. Just brace yourself. Now, here we go. Yes. I'll try it again. Oh, no, no, no. Shall I call a doctor? No. Oh, that pain in the neck. What about the pain in my back? On my shoulder. Perhaps you better go, Gil. Well, I can't leave him alone with my fiancé. Who happens to be my wife? Oh, don't argue, Gil. Just do as he says, please. Well, I'll be right outside the door in case he lays a hand on you. Yes. Lie down on your stomach. Yes. And stop squirming. Okay, now, take it easy and just relax. My arm's set. My back hurts. Let me show you ready. Yes. Okay. That help? Yeah. Feel better? Yes. Yes, darling. Yes, what? Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. Oh, Jenny, darling. What did you say? Darling. And I meant to say it. Oh, Dale. Dale, why didn't you tell me about Gloria? Well, there was nothing to tell, darling. You see, but wait a minute. What about Gil? Oh, him, him. What are you doing? I'm locking the door. Good night. Good night, Gil. Gil, my husband said good night. Well, before I go, there's a question I want to ask you, Williams. What do you want, Gil? Gloria's phone number. Hey, hey, answer me. He can't. He's busy. See him in the morning. Happy anniversary, darling. Happy anniversary, darling. In just a moment, our stars will return. Next week, to suit your spring entertainment tastes, the NBC Theatre presents another recipe for laughter, the lilting comedy, Suddenly It's Spring, starring Fred McMurray. And now, here is tonight's star, Loretta Young and screen director, Lewis Allen. Ladies and gentlemen, let me warn you. Don't be taken in by Lewis Allen's soft, quiet words. He's actually a tyrant. Me a tyrant? Well, Loretta, when we made the picture, I didn't strike you once. Well, that's the trouble. You see, you're insidious. You did something worse. What's that? You cut my lines. Tell you what I'll do. You take those line cuts and speak them right now. Oh, really, Lou? On the level? Sure, go ahead. All right. Let me see now. Pass the butter. Ooh, my arm inches. Behind the door? Huh? I don't like your attitude. How do you do? But not tonight. Magnificent. Sheer poetry. Well, seriously, Lou, before we say good night, I'd like to say thanks to you and to the rest of the men behind the camera. We actors portray our parts, but it's you screen directors who make the picture. Softly nice of you, Loretta. Thank you, Lou. Good night. Good night. Good night, everyone. And good night to you, Melanie Young, Robert Bailey and Lewis Allen. The Perfect Marriage, a Hal Wallace production, was presented through the courtesy of Paramount Pictures, currently releasing Alias Nick Beale, directed by John Farrell and starring Ray Maland, Audrey Totter and Thomas Mitchell. Loretta Young is currently being seen in The Accused, a Hal Wallace production for Paramount. Included in tonight's cast were Dorothy Thompson, Life Erickson, Ruth Perret, Barton Yarborough, Gail Bunny and Dan Riss. The Perfect Marriage was adapted for radio by Richard Allen Simmons, and original music was composed and conducted by Dr. Albert Harris. Production was under the supervision of Howard Wiley, associate producer Bill Karn. Your announcer has been Frank Barton. Lesson again next week when the NBC Theatre presents... Screen director's assignment. Production, suddenly at spring. Director, Mitchell Lysen. Star, Fred McMurray. The NBC Theatre came to you from Hollywood. This is NBC, The National Broadcasting Company.