 The Jell-O program coming to you from the stage of the Ritz Theater in New York City starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Dane, yours truly Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with oh gee oh gosh oh golly I'm in love. When you come to the end of a perfect day there's certainly a grand feeling of peace and contentment about it and that same feeling of contentment applies to the end of a perfect meal that is if you find a bright dish of shimmering Jell-O there to greet you. Jell-O ladies and gentlemen is really the ideal way to end the meal. It serves as a fitting climax to everything that has gone before and it leaves you with a mellow mood of true satisfaction because Jell-O is a swell looking swell tasting dessert gay with glorious colors and rich with a tangy goodness as refreshing as the ripe fruit itself. So make your next meal a bang up success by serving Jell-O in any one of its six delicious flavors. Incidentally friends this is National Restaurant Week and I hope a great many of you will take the occasion to drop in at your favorite restaurant where you'll always find Jell-O one of the most popular desserts in the menu. Be sure to ask for the Jell-O flavor you like best. Gosh oh golly I'm in love played by the orchestra. And now ladies and gentlemen I would like to announce that tonight marks the ninth radio anniversary of our master of ceremonies. So without further ado we bring you a man who for nine long years in the field of radio has worked, slaved, worried, and looks at Jack Betty. To be talking and Don despite your left hand and approach it's fun looking back though. Well tell me Jack when you made your radio debut your first sponsor was Canada Dry Ginger Ale wasn't it? Well that was my first big program Don. But before that I did an early morning broadcast for Bixby's Bonnie biscuit batter for the lazy housewife. Our slogan was Bixby's batter as light as a feather. Oh it was very popular. Bixby's biscuit batter I don't remember that program Jackson. Well Phil as I was telling Don we went on very early in the morning from seven to seven oh five. It's uh just a short broadcast. Oh well that explains it I sell them get up at 7 a.m. Phil you sell them get in at 7 a.m. We've been in New York now almost three weeks and I'll bet you haven't been to bed once. Well it ain't my fault I can't find my hotel. Can't find your hotel Phil for your information you checked in at the St. Moritz the first day we got in town. The St. Moritz? Yes. I better write that down I gotta get some sleep tonight. That's not a bad idea. Then Jack getting back to Bixby's biscuit batter what side of a program was it did you give morning exercises and all that. No Don I used to read recipes and poetry. I was known as Happy Jack your seven o'clock whistle and my theme song was so cute would you like to hear it fellas. Sure do you remember Jack. Do I I wrote it and get a load of this. Wake up wake up wake up you lit till sleepy head gets your body out of bed it's Bixby batter time wake up wake up oh Mr. Smith and Mrs. Jones do not be a lazy bones it's Bixby batter time whether you sleep on your tummy or on your back wake up with Happy Jack. Well to tell you the truth Jack that'll be pretty corny nowadays. Yeah corny nothing that's class bub. Thanks Hezekiah anyway Don my listeners liked it was a pleasure to start each day off with a smile but I can't understand how you could be happy Jack at seven o'clock in the morning. Oh that was nothing Don before I got that job I was on another program that went on at five a.m. five a.m. Yeah the only fan letters I got were from four roosters and a sleepwalker anyway it was good training St. Jackson what's the name of my hotel again the St. Moritz write it down anyway Don I wonder if I got a room with a bath I hope anyway Don it was good training and it gave me a swell start in radio ah but I can't get over it broadcasting at five o'clock in the morning you didn't have a sponsor then did you I certainly did I was on the air for Newton's non-roll night church their slogan was your knees ease will never feel the breezy I was on the air for 13 weeks and I think I'm the only guy that bought one of those night shirts and you're still wearing it hello Jack oh hello Mary and you're wrong again I don't wear a night shirt I sleep in pajamas coat and pants and a cap all right I maybe have one outfit like that and you make an issue so you might at least congratulate me on my ninth radio anniversary oh I'm sorry Jack congratulations on your anniversary and may you continue to spread joy and sunshine for many years to come well thanks you make that up yourself no that was on the telegram I was too cheap to send you oh well it's a thought that counts I guess you know Mary you are hey Jackson what street is the St. Moritz on Central Park South for heaven's sake it's our last night in town he's worrying about what hotel he's stopping at our last night in town are we going back to Hollywood tomorrow yep first thing in the morning gee whiz and I promised mom I'd get over to Plainfield and see her again I better call her up right away oh yes Mary your folks do live here in the east how are they mom is fine pop is fine my sister's married uncle Otto who came to visit us eight years ago staying for a third term there's all the news in a nutshell go ahead and call your mother up Mary and make it snappy okay hello operator give me long distance please hey Don have you seen Dennis around anywhere well yes Jack he's here someplace a long distance I want Plainfield New Jersey please the number is two two three J hurry it up Mary we got oh hello Dennis hello mr. Benny congratulations on your radio anniversary well thanks Dennis say what's that you're hiding in back here oh that's a cake I brought for you it's got nine candles on it one for each year a cake well well that's just hello hello Peters meat market upstairs and call Mrs. Livingston the phone Peters meat market oh is that you mr. Peters this is Mary remember oh I'm fine say mr. Peters do you still give away garters with leg of lamb Mary hurry up and get your mother will you call mama please okay I'll wait how do you like the cake mr. Benny oh it's swell Dennis and the candles are all lit aren't they well blow them out Jack at your anniversary okay hold a steady Dennis here goes well you got one of them yeah hold it closer Dennis here you are we're leaving for Hollywood as I'm trying to blow out these candles well I'm ashamed to tell her I'll get them don't worry listen mama couldn't you come into New York tonight the only chance I'll get to see you see him flicker fellas asking your mother what she thinks of me she's always got those same two words and what a delivery well I don't like it now Dennis it's about time for a song so go ahead okay mr. Benny aren't you gonna blow out the rest of the candles never mind just sing your song everybody's so worried about me there that got them dog gone it here's a chair jack you better rest for a while thanks Mary thanks by Dennis day and Dennis this is the last number you're going to do from New York next week we'll be back home in California gee it'll be good to see the sun again won't it now wait a minute Dennis it might have been raining and cloudy most of the time but the sun was out all day today I think that was just a publicity stunt for the opening of the fair that's possible and now ladies and gentlemen as we announced last hey Jackson how do you spell St. Barrett's and now ladies and gentlemen have failed next time stay at the YMCA it's already spelled out and gentlemen as we announced last week tonight the Benny even our best friends won't tell us players will present their version of that well-known Wednesday night taffy pool the Fred Allen show the hour of smile thank you bean blossom now being a marker I will play the most unattractive part that of mr. Allen Don Wilson will be Harry von Zell and Phil Harris will be Peter van Steeden you think you can handle the part Phil I don't know I'm a little more blase than he is well at rehearsal folks he said blazy you'll handle it all right Phil now let's see uh who else do we need am I going to be in a jazz yes Mary you're going to play the part of Portland hopper well that's the best hop I had today Mary let's not get into Allen's type of material too soon now Dennis yes please in our play tonight you're going to be a bottle of salopatica go over in the medicine chest and sit down oh boy salopatica what a kid gee I wish I could be that happy why don't you empty a swimming pool and dive in thanks well I guess we're just about set now but Jack how are you going to play the part of Fred Allen your voice isn't anything like is down all I have to do is put a clothespin on my nose I've got one right here and now folks this little satire will go on immediately after the next number which will be played by Peter van Harris and he's dead panna troubadour hit it boy Wednesday night weenie bae that sand in the spinach of life the Fred Allen show Mary hammy that clothespin there you are jack I want to alanize my nose here wait a minute just a second I want to get that on good let's say no uh me me me me me me me that's him all right okay let's go good evening ladies and gentlemen this is harry van wilson welcoming you to the hour of groans 60 minutes of eggs and music eggs with our star comedian Fred Allen music with Peter van harris and our three songbird waiting for the pride of boston that new england boiled comedian Fred and good evening ladies and gentlemen you know harry a funny thing happened to me on the way to the studio tonight oh I was walking down sixth avenue and a panhandler asked me for a dollar bill for a cup of coffee dollar bill yes he claimed there was a hole in his pocket and a coin would slip through oh so much for good clean fun and now let us turn to the latest news of the week harlem new york this dusky community is still carrying on a celebration for rochester van jones butler to jack benny the radio comedian oh news of the week interviews mr van jones pardon me mr van jones i'm a reporter and i'd like to ask you a few questions tell me have you been having a good time up here in harlem have i this turban i'm wearing this full ice cubes i see now mr van jones i understand you're in the employ of a mr jack benny is that correct now what sort of a man is mr benny he's very pleasant well is he hard to get along with oh no sir he's the finest man i ever met pure gold pure sir that mr benny is rather tight you have trouble getting your salary from him is that true oh no sir he not only pays me handsomely but frequently and you're sure all of this is the truth definitely well that clothes then don't fool me mr van jones and i'll see you later so long so long but that was peter van harris playing and now ladies and gentlemen if i may be so bold oh mr alan look who's here i'll be darned if it isn't seattle quite a reception you've got to coma what's on your mind oh mr alan the funniest thing happened to me on the way to the studio tonight i was walking down six avenue and a pad handler asked me for a nickel only a nickel and i wish this eagle would get off my hand now what about our guest tonight he's right here mr alan and his hobby is the most unusual one amateur street cleaner well that's very interesting how do you do sir hi it's chimp now young fellow how did you happen to develop such an unusual hobby well i tell you chimp i'm walking out of street one day and all of a sudden they see some looking at top hat throw away a longy a longy yes a guy a butt that has possibilities so i fix it up when i've been doing that ever since oh you're a bump yeah well one more won't hurt this show 40 now tell me my retriever of nicotine oh tell me what type of man throw away stokies with the greatest possibility of salvage well bankers mostly but once in a while i get some actor yes actors are notoriously carefree yeah all but jack gritty that guy don't throw him away till his bridge wake is on fire oh oh oh thanks for coming up now get out fellow wasn't he now harry yes friend as the farmer said to the horse thief oh where's my plug ladies and gentlemen we now take you to a typical american home the husband speak oh lulu where's that tube of ipanna it's right there honey right behind that bottle of cell hepatic there's nothing behind me danis screw your top off well lulu i gotta brush my teeth all right then run down to the drugstore and get some ipanna young man as long as you're on your way to the drugstore don't forget to stop at your neighborhood grocer and buy a package of jello it is economical easy to make and comes in six delicious flavors you tell him harry and remember young man insist on genuine jello and look for the big red letters on the bar now so much for sponsorial spouting oh and now ladies and gentlemen our own musical mad caps the mary mux will render a special arrangement of that popular song entitled she was only a pipe maker's daughter but oh what stance swing it mucks bye And then on my shoulder, ma, he's kissin' ma. He's kissin' ma. He's kissin' ma. He's kissin' ma. He's kissin' ma. He's all right for heaven's sake. He's makin' eyes of me, sung by the merry mocks. And now, ladies and gentlemen, oh my goodness, look at that man in the control room waving his finger at me. Our program is running overtime, folks. But that always happens. I ad-lib like mad. But we still have a few minutes left for the question of the week. This is Mr. and Mrs. Average Man's roundtable, where three persons selected from our studio audience are invited to give their opinions on a question that concerns some prominent issue of the day. These little sessions are entirely unrehearsed. Oh, yeah? Portland. Continue, Harry. Fred now takes his place at the roundtable where he meets his fellow debaters for the first time. Ready, Fred? The three participants tonight, Portland. Right there, Mr. Allen. The first one is Mr. Adnor J. Lomb of Interzipper, Alabama. Good evening, Mr. Lomb. Hello, ma. Guest is Miss Minnie Tonka of Minneapolis Men. Minnie Tonka. Well, glad to have you with us, Miss Tonka. Tonka very much. Now, who's our third guest party? Oh, there I go and living again. The name is Blur Here, Mr. Allen. I can't make it out. Oh, yes. What's your name, Mr. Mr. Jerkfinkle? Oh, fine. Yes, the name is Logan Jerkfinkle. I might as well make the best of it. Now, Logan, here's the question of the week. Quiz me, kid. All right, here it is. Do you think the National Labor Relations Board presents the optimum hope for the, oh, my goodness, there's that man in the control room again with all my ad-libbing and everything? I suppose we won't have time for the question. Wait, I'll find out. Have we got time for the question, Tommy? I don't know. Hey, Eddie, have we got time for the question? I don't know. Hey, Bill, have we got time for the question? I don't know. Hey, goodness play, Peter. I must stop this ad-libbing. Ladies, do you ever find yourself at a loss when it comes to thinking of something new for dessert? Well, then here's something you'll be mighty glad to know about. A few months ago, we introduced on this program a swell new jello recipe. It's called Jello Pudding Whip. Perhaps you've already tried it, judging from the letters that we've been getting. Practically everybody has. But just in case you haven't heard about it, let me recommend Jello Pudding Whip as a mighty special treat and one that's downright easy to prepare. And here's how it goes. Take one package of jello, any flavor, and one package of jello vanilla pudding, and make them up as you usually do. Then chill the jello and whip as directed on the box. Next, chill the jello vanilla pudding and add to it whipped jello, beating constantly until blended. Then mold and get all ready to enjoy something really distinctive, really delicious. It's a treat that's truly out of the ordinary. So the next time some special occasion calls for a special dessert, remember Jello Pudding Whip, a unique combination of creamy jello vanilla pudding and jello. This is the last number of the 31st program darn this closed in. In the current Jello series, and we will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time, broadcasting from Hollywood, California. Mary, help me pull this clothespin off. I'll leave it there, on you it's becoming. Bye, good night, foe. This is the National Broadcasting Company.