 Hi, this is Pastor David Rosales of Calvary Chapel of the Chino Valley, California. Today I want to answer the question, what do I look for when I begin a new relationship? Over the years I have taught on the topic of marriage and have taken time in the message to encourage those who are unmarried and desire to date to prayerfully consider what they should be looking for when it comes to dating. I remind them that people normally end up marrying the person that they are dating. And because this is true, it is important to establish a criteria when it comes to going out with someone. Doing so is not unwise but in fact is actually one effective way to save them from making a very bad decision. It is a good thing to resist rushing into a dating relationship because it can ultimately cost you. This is a very difficult thing to deal with yet we need to remember that there are worse things than being alone and one of those things is being married to the wrong person. My advice to those of you who are unmarried and who desire to be married is for you to hold out for God's best for you. You might want to remember that at this moment you are free to serve the Lord without marital distractions and as you serve the Lord it is possible to have His peace and often this time of singleness has a way of being used to give you spiritual satisfaction as well as having the effect of making you into the best person that you can be and you can become the best person your future mate could ever marry. As I mentioned a moment ago, I normally will take time in my teaching on marriage to encourage the singles in our fellowship to evaluate their criteria related to future mates. I also encourage those who are presently dating to evaluate their present dating relationship. This is not un-spiritual, it is actually wise because it rests on counting the cost as it pertains to not only dating but to making the decision to make an oath to God on their wedding day that they will love one another and remain faithful to them for the rest of their lives. It is sad to say that many seem to be more careful when they buy clothing or a car than when they are making decisions that will impact them as well as all who love them for the rest of their lives. Here are a few questions that can help you to think about your present or future relationships. First, are they really Christians? What is it about them that makes you believe that they are? Some say no, but I am going to win them to the Lord. This is called missionary dating and it's wrong. You will ultimately reap what you sow and will be terribly hurt. Second, if they are believers, how would you describe their walks with the Lord or does that even matter to you? Third, is your walk with Jesus improving or is it decreasing in its importance for you now? Fourth, do you as a couple ever read the word, fellowship, pray together, share your faith with others? Fifth, do you attend the same church? If not, are you willing to change churches and if you do, who will lead in such a decision? Does it matter to you at all? Sixth, who is the spiritual leader? If you can't make it to church, do they go without you? If you are a woman, do you find yourself always having to encourage him in his walk? It doesn't get better when you are married because while dating, he's usually presenting himself in the most favorable way. Seventh, what about them do you like the most? Their looks, personality, education, spirituality. Eighth, are you physically pure? Are they pressuring you to have sex? Are you pressuring them? Are you living together? That's called fornication. You need to repent. Ninth, do you find yourself making excuses for them to your friends, your family, even strangers? Tenth, how do your parents feel about this person? Does it matter? And if not, why not? Eleventh, do you feel obligated to stay with them because you've been with them for so long or because you've compromised sexually with them? Twelfth, do you think that they are the best you can get so you might as well live with it? Thirteenth, are they overly dependent, selfish, jealous, do they have a hot temper? Do they hit you, belittle you, emotionally abuse you? If so, get out of that relationship. Fourteenth, if you're dating, do you have to ask permission to do something from them or to go somewhere? Why? Fifteenth, do they control you? Do they tell you who your friends can be? Do they have a temper? The scripture says, do not make friends with a hot tempered man. Do not associate with one easily angered. You may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared. Sixteenth, how do they feel about your family? And what do they say about them? Seventy, how often do you see them? Do you rush home and call them after the date ends? And if so, why? Eighteenth, are you doing domestic duties for them? Cooking, cleaning, doing laundry? Why? Nineteenth, when it comes to finances, are they always between jobs, borrowing money from you or your friends? Never paying the loan back? Do they like nice things and charge up their cards to buy them? Do you end up paying for the dates and excusing it by saying, well, we're gonna get married? Twenty, what things do they do that irritate you? Can you live with those things? Twenty-one, are they free to date? If you answer that they are presently separated, that simply means they're still married without going into the reason that they are separated. Just remember that if they are not free to be married, then they are also not free to date. And finally, is this really God's best for you or are you just anxious? Listen, you need to wait for God's best choice for your life. Serve God first while you wait on Him to prepare the circumstances that are related to meeting the one you will one day marry. I met Marie while teaching a Bible study. I wanted marriage but prayed to be put to sleep to my desires in the way that Adam had been placed in a deep sleep. And it was shortly after I had prayed this that Marie came into my Bible study. She got saved and ultimately she became my wife. To my unmarried friends, please don't rush into marriage, wait on the Lord, serve Him, take your desire to Him, wait on Him. Remember, God knows what you need before you even ask. He knows the one who will fill those gaps in your life the best. This is David Rosales, pastor of Calvary Chapel of the Chino Valley, California.