 I had this real clarity around. I thought I wanted to communicate something to my family members like the adult family members around. Just the present buying. This is just, this is time for something different you know like where we just buy things for one another like that people don't even want. It's just like this is and we spend time like this is crazy you know so I thought I felt really clear. I thought it's on the phone to my aunt and I noticed this like trembling as I'm talking it's like just kind of almost like this thing of stepping out of the normal the known way of and I noticed she was like at me wow that's a bit early to be it was only Christmas yesterday to be talking about like and it kind of like I think I've got a question there somewhere around um just the idea around I think like sometimes I misuse the idea in the course about like I am responsible. As you go on this spiritual journey and you want to be authentic and you want to face these things and and let these things express through you but but for me that the question it was very helpful uh that I would get from the spirit a lot of times would be like it would be coming through into my mind like who who am I really trying to convince here you know sometimes he thinks the ego protests too much sometimes I I would take like a stand like okay I'm just gonna be as non compromising as Jesus is not a shred of compromise and everything but ultimately what I found with that was was that it was such a training in in mind watching and and going deep inside and finding that stillness and just letting the spirit guide and direct me you know to where I could bestow my miracles because Jesus says you know I will guide you I will tell you where to bestow your miracles and when things start to just blow up in my face or just come right at me come right at me over and over and over I'd say am I like missing something here is this you know is this the way it's supposed to go and it was it was always this gentle presence saying let me direct where you bestow your miracles I will direct you and it was far far beyond the the biological family I mean this just scared me all around the world and took places where I couldn't go on television or go on radio shows and just be myself and it would just be easy like I would attract into my awareness these talk show hosts or these these people that would be open minded and curious and we would have these great lively discussions not antagonistic at all you know just I've never been on any kind of radio show or television show and it was kind of an antagonism there I know it's just been such a gradual thing where I wasn't going to try to push push this on anybody you know I'll sit there in my hermitage in the in the woods of wherever it was Michigan or Kentucky before I'll go and try to push it on anyone and then when the invitation started to come it was like Jesus saying I'll go before you and make straight your path you know I will bestow those miracles where there are those who have the ears to hear it and and it takes a lot of surrender for that to happen otherwise you know you tend to find something flaring up here or flaring up there or in your face I know with Gary Bernard you know at the very beginning after after Disappearance in the universe was just published at the very beginning he went on a national very syndicated very popular talk show radio talk show in the United States called Coast to Coast and I think the best way to describe that interview or that that radio host was would be antagonistic the interviewer became furious with Gary during the the interview absolutely livid because Gary kept using one word that was just like this major trigger for the host every time Gary would use this one word the host would just flip out in anger and just zap zap zap projection projection and the word was oneness it wasn't Jesus or something or Moses or something like that it was oneness flip out and and then and what Gary did was he he would have to go inside with it and and just really pray and pray and pray and pray before he would respond and he did say that a lot of people in his travels because it was so it was broadcast so far and wide that people would come up even years after that interview and say I remember you on Coast to Coast oh man what an interview but there would be reflections and comments that would come back like well you really practice what you preach you know you really that guy was attacking you left and right and you just didn't you just didn't defend yourself and so those were like reflections that would come down the road and and really that's it doesn't matter what the what the situation is or how extreme the situation is it's always an opportunity to practice your your forgiveness you know I mean he did have to go right into prayer when the seeming words were being fired and so on so forth you know and he did say afterwards he said in the whole spirit thanks a lot thanks for that setup like that was a real setup but but it actually did get get used subsequently I think for me it's been it's been like this gradual sense of of really not to try and to make anything happen not turn to make anything up not trying to stir something up or you know anything like that it's been this just this focus on my mind and like my state of mind and my process within and then after years of that then then the invitation started to come like just like cascading invitation it's more invitation than I could possibly handle and just being very prayerful and intuitive about which ones of those to accept and I do feel that that's been an example to me of what Jesus taught you know talking about the Holy Spirit he will go before you making straight your path and leaving in your way no stones to trip on no obstacles to borrow your way not one seeming difficulty but will melt away before you reach it you need to take thought for nothing except the only purpose you will fulfill there's a gentleness to that it's not like trying to steamroll through like like you're the bull in the china shop trying to get through the china shop you can't by knocking all the fine china flying and cracking everywhere but really like like gliding through in a very soft easy way and I don't know I just sense that there there was really something to that that gentleness you know that I was I would have to be very very patient with myself yeah and it was always like who are you trying to convince