 Have you shown up yet, Birdie? Not yet, Leroy, but you'll be here. Count on Mr. Guilts, please. Gosh, what a long vacation. Why doesn't he shake a leg? Well, he's coming. You can count on Mr. Guilts, please. That's right, Birdie. He'll be here in a minute. Tonight in the first of a new fall and winter series of Wednesday Evening Broadcast, the Kraft Foods Company presents Willard Waterman as the Great Gilders League. The Great Gilders League is brought to you by the Kraft Foods Company, makers of a complete line of famous quality food products. And here's great news about parquet margarine, that wonderful tasting margarine made by Kraft. Where state laws permit, you can now buy yellow parquet, already colored and ready to serve, in a new foil wrap and at a new low price. That's right, each quarter pound in the new parquet package is now individually wrapped in new flavor saver aluminum foil to seal freshness and flavor in, deep staleness and odor out. Now the margarine that tastes so good, because it's always fresh, is actually fresher. Better tasting than ever. And listen to this. Since the repeal of the federal tax on colored margarine, grocers now sell yellow parquet at a new low price, lowest in history. If you live where yellow margarine is sold, get parquet tomorrow in its new flavor saver foil at its new low cost. Elsewhere, get parquet in the handy color quick bag for a regular package. Get PARKAY. Parquet margarine made by Kraft. Now it's been pretty quiet around the Great Yielder Sleeves House this summer. The water commissioner has been away on a long vacation, but today the household returned to life. Bertie the housekeeper swept off the welcome mat and put the leaf back in the dining room table. Yes, Sam. Sure glad he's coming back. This family without Mr. Yieldsleeves is like a hot dog with no muscles. What happens, Leroy? What happened to your head? I got a haircut. Surprise for Uncle Lawrence. Seen, huh? You got no hair left. Yeah. It's a butch. Butch? With that sunburn neck and that white dome, you look like old Baldi. Nobody's gonna be here any minute. Now, you go get cleaned up and help straighten up the house. We want things looking nice around here when y'all come. Well, holy cow, where's Lawrence? Why doesn't she do something? You don't need to worry about your sister. Miss Margett and Mr. Bronco got their little apartment upstairs as neat as a tent. Mr. Bronco even cleaned out the basement. Hey, what's been going on with Margett and Bronco today? What do you mean? We've been acting kind of funny. I heard a big racket upstairs this morning and all day Bronco's been going around wearing dark glasses. Who was wrong with a man wearing dark glasses? In the basement? Don't matter to me what Mr. Bronco wears. What makes you so nosy, Leroy? You're the nosiest boss. Well, it's nothing going on. Oh, Bertie? Yes, Miss Margett? Do we have any steak in the icebox? Steak? You want a cookie? No, I need it upstairs. What you gonna do with steak upstairs? It's none of your business. Yes, me, Bertie. Yes, me. I told you there was something. Leroy, you hush. There's a steak in the icebox for dinner, Miss Margett. You can take some of that. Well, thanks, Bertie. And I need some adhesive tape. Stake and adhesive tape? What you gonna do? Put the cow back together? There's the tape. Thanks, Bertie. What you gonna do with that stuff? Leroy, stop being so nosy. Well, gee, where is it? Somebody's at the front door. Hey, a circle of water? Oh, you crossed my cigar. Well, Bertie. Welcome home, Mr. Killsley. Well, thank you, Bertie. My George is good to be home. Back with a little family again. I'm sure glad to see you, Uncle. You are? Oh, what a lovable boy. What'd you bring me? Brings? Well, I may have a little package in my release with your name on it. Oh, boy, you're the best Uncle a kid ever had. Sure, sure. Smile, you sure look fine, Mr. Killsley. Yes, I'm a new man, Bertie. What'd you say, Uncle? Aspenola hot springs, sulfur water, real mud baths. That must have been high-powered mud. You even look different. This is your old Uncle a lot of good, my boy. Say, where's Marjorie and Bronco? Oh, auntie, auntie. Hello, Marjorie. Mmm, little Marjorie. Oh, Uncle Mort, we've missed you so. Have you really? Well, I've missed you too. All of you. But, Auntie, what have you done to yourself? Well, you look different. He's been in the mud. Oh, the hot springs, my dear. I feel as frisky as a coat. Well, that reminds me, where's Bronco? Uh, Bronco? Yes, Bronco, remember the man you married? Oh, Bronco, he's upstairs. Well, tell him to come down. This is a family reunion, and he's part of the family. Bronco! Well, you see, Auntie. Bronco! Am I home? Coming right down, Mr. Killsley. Why is he wearing those dark glasses? Feeling his way down the stairs. Well, the sun is pretty bright, auntie. Sun? There's no sun in here. It's Coco. Nira, you hush up. Welcome home. Glad to see you, Mr. Killsley. Bronco, you're shaking hands with Birdie. You're over here, Mr. Killsley. Bronco, take off those dark glasses. Yes, sir. What a black eye. Bronco, what happened? What happened? Who hit you? Well, I'll tell you, Mr. Killsley. Well, I can explain it, auntie. Bronco was lifting a suitcase down from the shelf in our closet, and... Now, wait a minute. You don't have a shelf in your closet. We don't? The slainer's been holding her face. Oh, Marge slugged him. You see, Mr. Killsley? I was about... He was getting his suitcase down from the shelf in the garage. The garage has been locked all the time I was away. And I had the key. Oh. I enjoyed somebody in this family is trying to hide something. Yeah. What in the world have you people been doing while I was gone? Well, it's like this, Mr. Killsley. I started to go down the stairs. Are you not going down the stairs? But, Marge... Now, wait. Who's black eye is this? Well, Mr. Killsley, it was like this. No, it wasn't that way, auntie. Oh, for goodness sake. I turned my back for a second to take a month's vacation, and the family paused apart. Bronco, come into my study. I want to have a little talk with you. Me, too? No. Okay. Sit down, Bronco, and let me... Oh, thanks, Mr. Killsley. I'll bet you had a swell time on your vacation. Oh, yes. Now, Bronco, there's something going on here. It sure is fine to have you back, Mr. Killsley. Thank you, Bronco. Now, if you wouldn't mind... It did you a lot of good, Mr. Killsley. You're the picture of hell. Now, wait. A man needs a vacation, Mr. Killsley, and you took one. Oh. Bronco, look me in the eye. We're the one that's open. Yes, sir? Now, what happened? Mr. Killsley, a fellow should always tell the truth. Isn't that right? Certainly. And if a fellow can't tell the truth, he shouldn't tell anything. Don't you agree, Mr. Killsley? Yeah, of course. In the case of this black eye, I can't tell you the truth. My lips are sealed. Who said so? Marjorie. Marjorie? My wife. Oh, yes. Mr. Killsley, someday when you get married, you'll understand. Bronco, stop talking like my grandfather. You're just a boy, just a youngster. Yes, Mr. Killsley, but I've lived. Yes, I can see that. Well, it doesn't matter to me, Bronco. I don't care what you and Marjorie do. Go your own way. I have too many other things to think about. We'll simply forget the whole thing. Yes, sir. Don't bring your trouble to me. Not even interested. Yes, sir. Now, I'm very busy, Bronco. Nothing else you want to talk to me about. You'd better run along. Thanks, Mr. Killsley. I'll see you later. Oh, what a boy. I wonder if he and Marjorie are having problems. They say the first year is the hardest. Still, Marjorie couldn't have hit him hard enough to give him that black eye. I don't know, though. You can't tell about women. They can be dangerous. I think I'll slip upstairs and talk to Marjorie. Oh, what a mess. By George, I got back from that vacation just in time. I'd like to talk to you. May I come in? Oh, certainly. The door is locked. Well, your little apartment is very attractive. Thank you, Auntie. Yes, indeed. Well, I haven't seen you in quite a while, my dear. Everything going all right, is it? Oh, just fine, Auntie. You and Bronco are happy, are you? Oh, yes, very happy. Well, good. Glad to hear it. Yes, indeed. It's none of my business, but about Bronco, has he been boxing lately? No, not that I know of. Well, not crying into your personal affairs, my dear. It's just that, well, it's nothing important. Certainly doesn't matter to me. Not in the least. Poor Auntie, you're dying of curiosity. Me? Curious? Oh, Marjorie. Uncle Mort, can you keep a secret? I certainly. What kind of a secret? Can you both tell a soul? Of course, now. All right. I'll tell you how Bronco got his black eye. Well? Well, this morning, he started to run downstairs to tell Birdie and Leroy something, and I caught him by the shirt. Poor Bronco, he tripped and bumped his nose against the banister. Oh, is that all that happened? Really? That's all. But what was he going to tell Birdie and Leroy that made you grab him by the shirt? Well, that we're going to have a baby. Oh, isn't that silly? You're going to have a what? A baby. A baby? A real baby? You? Oh, Bronco, we're so excited. He was going to run out and tell everybody. Oh, Marjorie. My little Marjorie. I can't believe it. Well, it's true, Uncle. Oh, a baby. You'll be a mother. Well, you mustn't tell anybody. Not anybody for a while. And nobody else knows about it? Yes, you and I and Bronco, and the doctor. Of course I won't tell anybody. We're going to have a baby. Our own baby. Oh, just think of it. Isn't it wonderful, Uncle? Oh, Marjorie, our own baby. All these years I've been a mother to you. Now I'll be a grandmother. The Great Gilder's leave will return in just a moment. It's fresh. Fresh. Really fresh. Fresh. Always fresh. Fresh. That's why it tastes so good. It's parquet margarine made by Kraft. And it's fresh. Really fresh. Blended fresh from top-grade products of American farms. Parquet is brushed fresh by truck to your store, sold fresh by your grocer. Every pound of parquet is flavor-dated, and grocer's stocks are regularly checked by Kraft representatives. That's why Kraft can positively guarantee that the parquet margarine you buy will be fresh, really fresh. And that's why it tastes so good. If you live where colored margarine is sold, get yellow parquet in its new flavor-saver foil at its new low price. Elsewhere, get parquet in the handy color-quick bag or regular package. In any package, at any store, you'll be getting the margarine that tastes so good because it's fresh. Really fresh. That's P-A-R-K-A-Y. Marquet margarine made by Kraft came home from his vacation and ran smack into a beautiful secret. Little margarine expecting a baby. I never anticipated that she was anticipated. Ha-ha-ha. Oh, it's nice of her to trust her old uncle with the secret. She was so cute about it, too. Now, remember, uncle, you mustn't tell anybody, not anybody. Don't breathe it to a soul. Don't breathe it to a soul. Wonder how I can tell Pee-Vee without breathing. Well, I can keep a secret. You can tell the water commissioner something without it leaking out. Okay, to be honest, please. My patient must have agreed with you. You're looking good. I feel good, Pee-Vee. In fact, I'm a new man. You don't think? Yeah. Yeah, my head's in the clouds, Pee-Vee. Sure, I see you. Pee-Vee, wouldn't you like to know why I'm walking on air? Aren't you curious? Hmm, well... Not that I'm going to tell you. After all, this is strictly a family affair. Just concerns Marjorie and Bronco and me. And the fourth party, who for the time being, shall be nameless. Oh, well, I'm not kidding. No, no, Pee-Vee, don't try to pry. You can't get out of me. Mr. Jealousy, well, I'm not... You're pretty sly, Pee-Vee. But I'm not talking. If I give somebody my word, I don't talk. My lips are sealed. There's a leak somewhere. But I'll tell you what I can do, since you're so interested. I can give you a hand. No, I don't think you should do that, Mr. Jealousy. No, Pee-Vee, whose secret is this? Well, how many people have you met, can't you hear this? Pee-Vee, you're a fellow jolly boy, so I'll give you one guess about what's going on in our little family. What do you think of when you look up there on your shelves at all that baby oil? It's greasy. Well, that's why I made six cents a bottle on it. That's pretty slick. Good. Pee-Vee, you're not even interested in my secret. I'm getting out of here. Yeah, well, by the way, Mr. Jealousy, why are you going to see Marjorie? Marjorie? A little later, yes. Well, will you be kind enough to give her that little prescription? The prescription? What's in it? Well, it's a pharmacy secret. Oh? For expectant mother. Oh, my goodness. Now, Pee-Vee, don't go jumping conclusions. This prescription might not mean a thing. Marjorie could be ordering this medicine for me. Oh, I wouldn't say that. Neither would I. Marjorie with a baby. All right, George, it's certainly going to be a hard secret to keep. But I'm not going to tell anybody. I think I'll stop in and see Judge Hooker. I haven't seen old Horace since my vacation. Whereas the ridden hadius corpus was obtained by the party of the first part. Lawyers, look at it, making a speech to the wastebasket. Therefore, gentlemen of the joy, my appeal to you is... Judge! Judge, what are you doing? I'm practicing my rebuttal. Just like an old goat always thinking about his rebuttal. Now, girl, there. When did you return from your vacation? Just got in, Horace. You miss the old water commissioning? Uh, no. What? In fact, while you were away, the city water tasted much better. You can't say anything that'll send me today. I feel too good. Judge? Yes, Gilles? You're a fine old friend of the family. Thank you. Marjorie and Leroy's godfather and all? Very true. Old friend, I have a very confidential secret. Oh? That I can't tell you. A balderdash. Well, I have a secret, too, Gilles. Guess what I have in this box? Judge, aren't you curious about my secret? Take a look at the box, Gildy. Get your nose out of that box, Horace, and listen to me. This is important. My box is important, too. Not as important as my news. Look, Gildy, a football helmet. A lawyer with a football helmet. Judge, guess what I found out when I came home? But, Gildy, don't you want to know who it's for? Oh, all right. Tell me who it's for and then listen to my secret. It's for Marjorie's and Bronco's baby. All right, now I'll let you in on Marjorie and Bronco's baby. Of course. You knew, didn't you? Me? Of course. Certainly, I've known all along. Naturally. Now then, what's your secret? Secret? Don't get nosy, Judge. I don't go around telling secrets. I wonder how the old judge found out. Half the fun has taken out of this thing for me. Not being able to tell somebody who doesn't already know. Receiving congratulations. Say, there's Floyd standing in the door of his barbershop. I don't need a haircut, but I'm going to tell somebody. Hello, Floyd. Hiya, Grandpa. Floyd! How did you know? Don't kid yourself, Commissioner. I got more grapefines out than you got water mains. Come on in and get a haircut. Well, I might get a light trim. Add it, boy. I just phoned the bushes in the back. Now, raise up your bottom chin so I can get the sheet around you. Add it, boy. Yes, Floyd. We're expecting a blessed event. This is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. What's so wonderful about it? What? Don't get me wrong. I'm glad to see the kids expecting. But I hate to see this happen to you. Floyd, what are you getting at? Don't you get the picture, Commissioner? It ain't been no time since you were a gay dash and blade. But what are you now? Now? You're a grandfather. What's wrong with that? Well, you're just been pushed back a generation. All rocking chairs got you, Grandpa. No, Floyd. Just because Marge was having a baby doesn't make me any older. Yeah? What about that pretty little nurse you used to squire around? What do you mean, used to squire? Well, is she going to want to be seen dating a grandfather? Watch it, Floyd. When you become a grandpa, Grandpa, you might as well face it. Your court and days are over. You've been turned out to pastor. I won't really be a grandfather. After all, Marge really isn't my real daughter. She's just my niece. I haven't even been married yet. That's worse. Commissioner, you've been tossed out of the ballgame before you come to bat. Let me out of here. Where's my cane? I mean my hat. Oh, Mr. Gill, please. Yeah, I had a hard day, Booty. Yes, sir. But if you knew what I just heard going to happen around this house, you'd be kicking up your heels. What's this, Booty? Mr. Gill, please. You're going to be a grandfather. No. Yes, you are. You've got every reason to be kicking up your heels. You're going to be a grandfather. No, Booty. Let's say you kick up them heels. You've got every reason to. Now, wait a minute, Booty. Mr. Gill, please. You know why you've got every reason to kick up your heels. Booty. That's right. You're going to be a grandfather. I'm going to stop to this. Booty. Booty, come back here. Yes, sir. Booty. Now, sit down. I want to have a talk with you. Yes, sir. You've got this all wrong. I'm not going to be a grandfather. No way. Put Miss Marjorie. I know that. But I'm only Marjorie's uncle. If she has a baby, that doesn't make me a grandfather. Well, does it, Booty? No, sir. But you've always been like a father to her. Well, that may be. She's been just like a daughter to you. Yes, she has. But I'm not a grandfather. You understand that, Booty? Yes. I want everybody in town to understand it. Mr. Peavey, the judge, all of them. I'm not a grandfather. Yes, sir. Of course, if you don't want to be one, that's up to you. But all little babies need the grandfather. They do? Miss Marjorie ain't got no father to be the grandfather. Well, no, she hasn't. And that baby's going to need a grandfather. Babies need grandfathers to kick you cool and bounce them on their knees. Well, I do have a way with babies. Of course, if you want to pass up one a life's big reward. Reward? Yes, sir. When a man has fine children and grand children around him, that's a life's big reward. Well, I... Besides, Mr. Giltz, if you'll get to know this when you're so young. Young? Well, yes, but, Birdie, nobody thinks of a grandfather as being young. Yes, they do. Look at Miss Marlene Dietrich. She's a grandmother. What do you think of her? Uh, nice. Of course, you ain't got legs like Miss Dietrich, but you don't need them. She's a grandmother. She don't look it. She's still lovely. Well, so am I. Birdie, it's going to be a good life. Yes, sir. Sit down, Leroy. I want to let you in a little secret. Yeah? What is it? I'm going to be a grandfather. No. No, I'm not. Marjorie's going to have a baby. Great kill this leave. We'll be right back. Remember, in states where the law permits, you can now get yellow parquet margarine already colored, ready to serve in the new aluminum foil, flavor saver wrap, and at a new low price. Elsewhere, get parquet in the color-quick bag or regular package. In any package, it's the margarine that tastes so good, because it's always fresh. P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine made by Kraft. Thinking? Move over. You want me to go to Canada? Canada? What for? Who wants to stay around here with a darned old baby? No, my boy, don't feel that way. It'll be a long time yet. Besides, this is going to make everybody very happy. It isn't going to make me happy. Oh, you wait and see. It'll probably be a boy. I like it the way it is right now. It's just us. A darned old baby comes and it'll all be different. It'll be baby, baby, baby. Holy cow, all you hear is baby now, and he isn't even here yet. Well, I'll tell you, my boy, you'll feel different when the little fella gets here. There's something about a baby that's pretty wonderful. Huh? Oh, there is. The way the margarine lets you hold him for the first time. Yeah. Yeah, I'll show you how you do it. Yeah, I'll roll my coat up. You see? Now, this is the baby. You sort of cradle him in your arms like this. Such a little fella. New to the world. And his bright little eyes look up at you. So wide, wondering. His little feet kick the blanket away. There's his toes. Ten of them. Then one of his little hands comes up and kind of touches your cheek. And he smiles. Let me hold him on. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the further adventures of The Great Gilded Sleeves. Want to taste something good? Well, next time you make a cold meat sandwich, don't forget to add a little craft-prepared mustard. But when you add a little mustard, you add a lot of tang. Every bite tastes better. Now, you can get two kinds of craft mustard, salad mustard delicately spiced for those who prefer a milder flavor, and craft mustard with snappy horseradish added. Get both kinds. Then with every meat dish hot or cold, just add a little mustard, and you'll add a lot of tang. Craft-prepared mustard. Next week, be sure to hear the Ronald Coleman's and The Halls of Ivy on NBC.