 Luster Cream Shampoo for soft glamorous caressible hair and Colgate dental cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay. Bring you Our Miss Brooks starring Eve Arden. Another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks written and directed by Al Lewis. Many teachers returning from their vacations, well tanned and rested, are looking forward to resuming their duties tomorrow morning. But Our Miss Brooks, who spent most of her vacation time teaching English at Madison High Summer School, doesn't share their enthusiasm for getting back into harness. No, I've been wearing the thing so long I'm saddlesore. Of course when summer school ended in August, I did make up my mind to get a complete change of scenery. So I took the money I received, added it to my savings from the regular school term, and by careful budgeting was able to spend three glorious weeks in the furnished room I rent all year round. But last Thursday morning at breakfast, my landlady Mrs. Davis and I were discussing my plans for a Friday picnic. But why must the picnic be tomorrow, Connie? Why not Saturday or Sunday? Because, Mrs. Davis, tomorrow is the last weekday I'll have off until Thanksgiving. And if our beloved principal could get away with it, he'd change that to a Sunday. Oh, Mr. Conklin isn't bad, bad, Connie. He likes a good time as well as the next fellow. He likes a good time better than the next fellow. But if the next fellow happens to be a teacher, Mr. Conklin will stop having a good time to give the teacher who's having a good time a bad time. From the song by Rudy Valley. Oh, is Mr. Boynton taking you to the picnic, Connie? Yes, Mrs. Davis. I accepted my invitation on the phone last night. It'll be good to see Madison's bashful biologist again. He just got back from a three-week vacation, you know. Who will all this going on this picnic, Connie? Harriet Conklin and Walter Denton all. It was really Walter's idea. The poor kid can't spend any time with Harriet without Mr. Conklin constantly barking at him. Mr. Conklin isn't very fond of Walter, is he? Oh, it's not that Mr. Conklin isn't fond of Walter. He hates him. But it ought to be a nice outing for all of us. Oh, that's the door, isn't it? No, that's the bell. The door makes more of a creaking sound. Well, I'll answer it. I need the exercise. If you want me, I'll be in the backyard, Connie. I've got to prune the big tree. Why, it's Mr. Boynton. Come in. Good morning, Miss Brooks. I brought this basket over for the picnic tomorrow. Do you think it's big enough for us? I don't know, but it might be fun trying it on. Oh, you mean for sandwiches? Well, it seems sort of small, but the basket can wait. I want to know all about your vacation. Where you went, what you did. Well, I just went up to Eagle Springs, had a beautiful cabin, did a little fishing, played some golf and tennis. I did a little rowing, too. And at night they had a campfire when we broiled our barbecued steaks. And after that, there was usually a movie or some entertainment at the casino. That's all there was to it. You should have asked for your money back. Did you do any dancing at the casino, Mr. Boynton? Dancing? Yes, I did dance a little. With whom? I didn't dance with anyone, just by myself. You know, I'd get off in a... I'd get off in a dark corner of the casino and sort of waltz around in time to the music. It's nice that way. You get bored, you can always cut in on yourself. Tell me, how was your trip back to town? Oh, very pleasant, although the train was quite crowded. Guess who came into town on the same train with me? Who? I'll take a guess. Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy? No. Charlie McCarthy alone? No, Miss Brooks. No, it was Wallace T. Hewitt. It was? Yes, ma'am. Wallace T. Hewitt himself? That's right. Gosh! Who's Wallace T. Hewitt? I'm surprised at you, Miss Brooks. I thought every teacher knew the chairman of the state board of education. Oh, it was that Wallace T. Hewitt. Did you ask him for a raise, Mr. Boynton? I know you're joking, Miss Brooks. I didn't speak to Mr. Hewitt at all. As soon as we landed in the depot, he was surrounded by reporters. Well, he's a power in educational circles in this state. It was all like a duty to get a glimpse of him. What does he look like? Oh, he's quite short, almost completely bald, with a little wispy mustache and small beady eyes behind thick glasses. Good-looking boy. And although he's very stout, he moves along rather briskly, like a penguin. I wonder what he's doing in town. Maybe shopping around for a new tuxedo. But let's not talk about the board of education, Mr. Boynton. Time enough for that when school opens next Monday. You're right, Miss Brooks. You haven't had a real vacation this summer. This picnic tomorrow ought to be... Oh, it's the phone. Excuse me, Mr. Boynton. Hello? Hello, Miss Brooks. This is Mr. Conklin. Oh, how are you, Mr. Conklin? You shall have to dispense with the amenities, Miss Brooks. I'm calling to inform you that Madison High School will open tomorrow morning at the usual time. Tomorrow? But school doesn't start till Monday. I said, Miss Brooks, that our school opens tomorrow. But Mr. Conklin, Monday is September 12th. All schools open on the 12th. I'm beginning to feel as if I were talking into a thermos bottle. Miss Brooks. Just a short time ago, I received a telephone call from Mr. Wallace T. Hewitt, Chairman of the State Board of Education. Although I've never met Mr. Hewitt, he notified me of his intention to visit my office in the morning. Naturally, I expect a 100% turnout from faculty and student body alike to help me welcome this most distinguished visitor. But, Mr. Conklin, we've got a picnic planned for tomorrow. In a few minutes, Walter Denton's going to take me shopping. Walter Denton? Please, Miss Brooks, I've asked you before, and I beseech you again. Don't mention that name so soon after breakfast. What my daughter sees in that lame brain dunce is more than I can... Until tomorrow morning, Miss Brooks, it's au revoir. Au revoir to you, Mr. Conklin. Well, there goes our picnic, Mr. Boynton. Where? Down the drain, I'm afraid. Your precious Mr. Hewitt has decided to honor our fair school with a visit tomorrow morning. So Mr. Conklin's ordered us all back to greet him. Tomorrow? But school doesn't open officially until Monday. Believe me, Mr. Boynton, I delivered that message with all the feeling my parched little throat could muster. But the answer's the same. It's the best deal at dawn. Well, it can't be Walter Denton. Why not? Hiya, Miss Brooks. I just saw Mr. Boynton on the corner. I know, he just left. Walter, I've got some sterling news for you. Your news will have to wait, Miss Brooks. I've got the bulletin' of all time. Oh, you have. Sure. Listen to this. You know how Mr. Conklin hates me. Well, I wouldn't call him a fan, Walter. Yeah, I know. But even so, when he hears about anybody having a good time, even me, he sometimes tries to muscle in. So I thought of a way to keep him from ruining our picnic tomorrow if he decides to horn in at the last minute. But Walter, about tomorrow... Please, Miss Brooks, let me finish. About an hour ago, I called old Marblehead on the phone at, I mean, Mr. Conklin. And I put a handkerchief over the mouthpiece and disguised my voice. Oh, you should have been there, Miss Brooks. It was a riot. What did you say, Walter? I said, get a load of this, Miss Brooks. I said, hello, Conklin. And he said, yes, this is how it's good, Conklin. Who is this? And then I said, oh, this will kill you, Miss Brooks. Well, let's not make it such a slow death. Who did you say it was? I said, Conklin, this is Wallace T. Hewitt. Wallace T. Oh, no! Yeah, and then I said, I'm inspecting some of the schools in this area, and I'll expect to see you in your office at 9 o'clock tomorrow morning. And then while he was falling all over himself, it'd be nice to me, huh? River is at a rib. That, Walter, is the greatest rib that's been pulled since Adam was a bachelor. Starring Eve Arden will continue in just a moment, but first here is Vern Smith. Now, dental science reveals a startling discovery in the fight against tooth decay, proof that always using Colgate dental cream right after eating helped stop tooth decay before it starts. Continuous research, hundreds of case histories makes this the most important news in dental history. Imminent dental authorities supervised hundreds of college men and women for over a year. One group always brushed their teeth with Colgate's right after eating. The other followed their usual dental care. And here are the amazing results. The group using Colgate dental cream as directed showed a startling reduction in average number of cavities, far less tooth decay. The other group developed new cavities at a much higher rate. No other dentist offers proof of these results. And Colgate's contains all the necessary ingredients, including an exclusive patented ingredient for effective daily dental care, no risk of irritation to tissues and gums, and no change in flavor, foam, or cleansing action. As always, Colgate's cleans your breath while it cleans your teeth. The Colgate's now at your dealers is the same formula used in the tests. Always use Colgate dental cream right after eating to help prevent new cavities. Help stop tooth decay before it starts. Well, I spent most of Thursday night trying to figure how to keep Walter Denton from being expelled and still go on our picnic Friday instead of waiting around school for a Mr. Hewitt who would never arrive. About four in the morning an idea was born and a thoroughbred infant it was out of desperation by panic. A half hour before school was due to convene, found me heading for Marty's malt shop, a student hangout across the street from Madison. As I entered, I noticed stretch snotgrass known to his chums as athlete's foot of the brain seated at the table by himself. Good morning, Stretch. Am I intruding? Well, no, Miss Brooks. You don't look no different to me than you always do. I think. Mind if I sit down and have a cup of coffee? Not at all. Here, I'll take this off the seat for you. It's my football. Yes, I know. That's the only thing you've passed all year. But, Stretch, there's something you've just got to understand. Yeah, there must be something. Now I'm not so sure. But it seems that a very dear mutual friend of ours engineered a rather foolish prank yesterday. And if the facts ever leak out, he'll be expelled from Madison. You and I, Stretch, hold his scholastic future in our hands. Now, how good are you at keeping a secret? Well, I'm very good, Miss Brooks. Like yesterday when my pal Walter then imitated Mr. Hewitt's voice on the phone and told old Marble had the... Oh, Mr. Conklin, he better hightail it over to school today. After Walter done it, he made me promise to keep it a secret. So that's why I won't tell nobody. Not a word of it. Not a word of what, Stretch? Well, pal Walter told... Oh, no, you don't. You can't trick me into spilling anything. You couldn't beat it out of me with a rubber hose. Stout fellow. But, Stretch, the entire faculty and student body have to be in school this morning only because Walter imitated Mr. Hewitt's voice on the phone and told old Marble had... Uh, Mr. Conklin... to hightail it over to school today. Gosh, how did you know that, Miss Brooks? There must have been a leak. But I've got an idea that can get us all out of here. Now, will you help me, Stretch? Sure, Miss Brooks. What can I do? Well, you can see to it that Mr. Hewitt arrives nice and early so we can all leave the same way. But I don't know Mr. Hewitt. And Mr. Conklin doesn't either. Now, listen closely, Stretch. You know the little park right across from the school library? Library? Where all the books are kept. Books? It's on the way to the football field. Oh, that little park. And that is... there's always a bunch of old delirics sitting around there. Old what? Delirics. You know, bum, sorta. Oh, now we're getting somewhere. Stretch, I want you to get one of those men and bring him to me. But be sure you get a fat one with glasses who has a little moustache. Mr. Conklin might have seen a picture of Mr. Hewitt somewhere. Well, that shouldn't be too tough. A lot of them look like that. But Miss Brooks, supposedly don't want to come. He's got to come. Tell him he'll be helping Miss Brooks. Tell him anything, but bring him directly to me. Well, I don't get him, Miss Brooks. A quiet stretch, Harriet Conklin's coming over. Now, whatever you do, don't mention a word of this. Good morning, Miss Brooks. Well, shut Stretch's mouth if it isn't Harriet Conklin. How are you, Harriet? Oh, I feel wonderful, Miss Brooks. Hiya, Stretch. What do you know? You couldn't beat it out of me with a rubber hose. What's wrong with Stretch, Miss Brooks? He ain't talking. Stretch, you'd better go over to the park and do what I told you. I'll explain to Harriet and get her oath of allegiance on our way over to school. All right, Miss Brooks. Remember now, get a small, chubby one with glasses. I'll remember. See you later, Harriet. What's this all about, Miss Brooks? What did you send Stretch after? A penguin, Harriet. With glasses? Why not? A penguin's entitled to see where he's going, isn't he? I don't understand this. Boy, of all the people in the park, why did you have to pick on me? I was just messing around. He... I mean, like I told you, Mister, it's a matter of helping out a human being. Besides, you wasn't doing nothing in the park. I wasn't doing nothing? Who teaches you English, boy? Miss Brooks. Well, there she is, waiting on the steps. I'll introduce her to you in a minute. What's your name? My name is Hewitt. Wallace T. Hewitt, Chairman of the State Board of Education. Excuse me a minute. Why better go back to the park and get another one? One second. Morales my curiosity now, and I'm going to see this thing through. Hello, Stretch. Miss Brooks, this is Mr. Hewitt. Oh, it certainly is. Oh, he's perfect, Stretch. Perfect. Miss Brooks, this really is Mr. Hewitt. I'll say, from the top of his shiny skull to the tips of his waddly little toes. Now, see here, young woman. I demand to know what this is all about. First, I'm sitting in the park reading. The want ads can wait, Chubby. I've got a job for you. A job? For me? It'll only take a few minutes, and I'll see that you get a dollar for your trouble. A dollar? This kid is really anxious. We could probably have swung it for a quarter. Now, listen carefully, Hewitt. I'll be calling you by that name from here in, so we might as well get used to it. All you've got to do is convince Mr. Conklin, that you're Mr. Hewitt, Chairman of the State Board of Education. I see. And do you think my card might help to convince him I've got some in my wallet here? There we are. The cards are right in this little compartment. See where my name is printed in gold letter? Wallace T. Hewitt. Quick, Stretch, call a cop. This bum has just murdered Mr. Hewitt. Now, look here, young woman. This has gone far enough. Fortunately, I'm just proud enough of my position to carry with me a newspaper photo which appeared last month. Here, look at it. Wallace T. Hewitt, Chairman of the State Board of Education. Stretch, it's him. Sure it's him. Of course it's him, it means. Why, Mr. Hewitt, we knew it was you all the time. You did, huh? But you said I waddled and that I murdered myself. Well, that was all part of the joke, Mr. Hewitt. You see, one of our teachers came back on the same train with you from Eagle Springs. You didn't see him, of course, but he couldn't help observing what a jovial, good-natured, jolly sort of person you are. Well, I do have quite a good sense of humor about some things. But another explanation seems in order, Miss Brooks. Why are so many students roaming about the campus? School doesn't start until next Monday. That's because our principal, Mr. Conklin, wanted us to get a head start. Really? Well, that is unusual. I'd like to meet Mr. Conklin while I'm here. Oh, no, you wouldn't. He's not in on the rib. I mean, that is with such a distinguished visitor, I'd like to tell him you're here first. You know, give him a chance to run a comb through his tie and fix the knot in his hair. But my dear Miss Brooks... Oh, please, Mr. Hewitt, take a little stroll around the grounds and I'll meet you at Mr. Conklin's office in a few minutes. Well, if it'll make you feel more comfortable to announce me. But how will I find Mr. Conklin's office? You can't miss it. When you come back to the main building, open the door with a gray-haired English teacher and a straight jacket in front of it. Just push me aside and walk right in. Daddy told me he'd be right over here giving the athletic field a last-minute check. Have you seen him, Walter? No, Harriet, but he might be in the gym. Gosh, I'm nervous as a kitten. If your dad finds out we're hiring a hobo to impersonate Mr. Hewitt, we'll be boiled in oil. Oh, he won't find out. We'll just have to be real cagey about it. I wonder where Daddy could be. I'm right here behind the handball court, my dear. Mr. Conklin! Though I'm to be duped, am I? By an impersonator, eh? A hobo, eh? Oh, uh... But, Miss Brooks, I don't understand. Why am I sitting behind Mr. Conklin's desk? Because, Mr. Boyden, with the real Mr. Hewitt on our hands, we've got to have a fake Mr. Conklin. And outside of Mr. Conklin, you're the best fake I could find. But he might come back to his office and... Well, we've just got to take that chance. If Mr. Hewitt talks to Mr. Conklin and the truth about that phone call comes out, Walter Den will be expelled. Gee, I wouldn't want that to happen. Well, then we've got to see this thing through. Mr. Hewitt should be finishing his tour of the school. Come in! Well, Miss Brooks, I'm back. Good. Mr. Conklin here has just been perishing to meet you. Mr. Conklin, may I present Mr. Hewitt? How do you do, sir? So you're Mr. Conklin. I've been the principal of Madison High School. Oh, not long at all. I imagined as much. You're a very young man to be holding this high office, Mr. Conklin. And I might add, a very handsome young man. Isn't he a doll? He's so industrious, Mr. Hewitt. You won't catch many principals jumping the gun like this, coming to school ahead of time. That's very true, Miss Brooks. I'll certainly mention this in my report to the board. I'm returning to the state capitol in a couple of hours, you know. Oh, really? Then we wouldn't want you to miss your train, sir. Now that we've met you, maybe we ought to let you get out. But fast. I'll show you the shortcut to the bus line. If you'll just follow me out this door. Going somewhere, Miss Brooks? Not me. I'm rooted to the spot. Good. And this, I presume, is Mr. Hewitt? That's right. Mr. Wallace T. Hewitt? Yes. Chairman of the State Board of Education? That is correct. Get out of this office, you hobo! This has gone far enough. Mr. Conklin, did you hear what I just heard? Of course I heard. What's the meaning of this? Something wrong, Mr. Hewitt. This hobo just called me a hobo. Do I have to show everyone in town my picture in the paper to prove I'm not a vagrant? Here, take a look at this, you oaf. First T. Hewitt, Chairman of the State. Good. It's you. Yes, it's me. And I'm going to see that the Board hears of this outrageous affair. Now, what's your name? My name? Yes, your name. My name is... Denton. Walter Denton. I presume you're a member of the Madison High Faculty? Faculty? No, no, no, I'm a student here. A student? You? G.I. Bill of Rights. Making up some credit so we can get into grade school. Hi, Miss Brooks. The door was open, so I just... Oh, Mr. Conklin. Yes? This is Mr. Hewitt. Mr. Wallace T. Hewitt. It's no use. The jig's up, Miss Brooks. Mr. Conklin knows he's just a hobo. Again, hobo? What is your name, young man? Me? That's my pal, Mr. Hewitt. His butt is here at school. Stretch, snodgrass. Take hands with Mr. Hewitt, Stretch. Stretch! Somebody much in my name? Not yet, but we will in a minute. Mr. Hewitt, this is the boy who asked you to join us while you were sitting in the park. Meet Philip Boynton. I don't think I'm quite following the goings on here today, but I've just got to make that train. Let me tell you one thing though, Mr. Conklin. Yes? Will you please stop putting in Denton? Sorry, Mr. Hewitt. I've been with the Glee Club too long. I just want you to know that in spite of my sense of humor, I consider this incident a grievous insult to a man in my position, and I'm going to take action immediately. But, Mr. Hewitt, what action are you going to take? I'm going to see to it that a certain Walter Denton is expelled from this school. Expelled? Expelled? Boy, I'm glad I'm not in their shoes. Young woman, as the instigator of this degrading practical joke, you shall be as severely penalized as the State Board permits, and I shall take great pleasure in recommending your immediate suspension without pay. Now, Miss Brooks, what do you say to that? Well, Miss Brooks? Miss Brooks? Who's Miss Brooks? Well, if you're not Miss Brooks, then who are you? Mr. Hewitt, shake hands with Sam, the janitor. Well, Miss Brooks returns in just a moment, but first... Dream girl, dream girl, beautiful luster cream girl. Tonight, yes, tonight, show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo. Luster cream, world's finest shampoo. No other shampoo in the world gives K. Dumont's magic blend of secret ingredients, plus gentle aniline. Not a soap, not a liquid. Luster cream shampoo leaves hair three ways lovelier. Fragrantly clean, free of loose dandruff, glistening with sheen, soft, manageable. Even in hardest water, luster cream lathers instantly. No special rinse needed after a luster cream shampoo. So gentle, luster cream is wonderful even for children's hair. Tonight, yes, tonight, try luster cream shampoo. Dream girl, beautiful luster cream girl. You owe your crowning glory to luster cream shampoo. And now, once again, here is our Miss Brooks. Well, what started out as a pretty dangerous practical joke soon proved to be nothing more than a clean-cut, wholesome shambles. But by mass pleading and a pint of quickly-generated tears, we finally prevailed upon Mr. Hewitt to suspend sentence, and at long last we were off on our picnic. In less than an hour, Mr. Boynton had driven us about 30 miles from town. Well, it took us a little while, but we can still have some fun. Sure we can. It's a beautiful day and the rides just swell. Don't you think so, Miss Brooks? I certainly do, Walter. Your car drives beautifully, Mr. Boynton. So much smoother than mine. Oh, thanks, Miss Brooks. But you know something? I can't help wishing we had taken my car instead. Why, Miss Brooks? Because that's where I left the picnic basket. Next week, putting to another Our Miss Brooks show, brought to you by luster cream shampoo, for soft, glamorous, caress-able hair, and Colgate Metal Green to clean your breasts while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay. Our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden, is produced by Larry Burns, written and directed by Al Lewis with music by Wilbur Hatch. Doctors prove you two may have a lovelier complexion in 14 days. Yes, 36 leading skin specialists proved in tests on 1,285 different women that a new method of cleansing with palm olive soap, using nothing but palm olive, brought new complexion beauty to two women out of three. Just wash your face three times daily with palm olive soap, each time for 60 seconds, massaging palm olive's beauty lather onto your skin, then rinse. So start your palm olive facials today. See what palm olive soap can do for your complexion in just 14 days. Here is an urgent message from the National Foundation for Infantile Paralysis. 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