 I believe clinical narcissists is a small percentage of people are, I'd say a significant percentage of people are self centric and myopic, okay, but not narcissists, but the end of the day. Listen. If you're not building a relationship of co-creation, then the relationship probably is going to be how can a woman tell the difference between a man who wants to take care of someone and agrees to the dating vows and the narcissist who claims the same thing, same and seems genuine? That's a good question. I think narcissists tend to pull push their agenda more than appreciating your desires. Okay. So they push their agenda. Now, differentiating between, you know, and again, I'm not a clinical psychologist. I cannot, I cannot begin to say I have any expertise regarding narcissism. What I can say is the term narcissist gets thrown out a lot, you know, clinical narcissism versus just genuine self centric behavior. So here's the thing. What I've observed is what I've observed for most happy relationships is that most of them seem to A, be on the same page on their values and their lifestyles and what they want in relationship to commitment. So they seem to be on the same page with that. Also, the man and woman invest regular time to getting to know one another. And I get it. It's a challenge. We're meeting total strangers. Look, if I could be there on a first date for you as your big brother, and I had this shotgun and I pointed the guy's head and said, what's your intent? What's your intentions with my little sister? We could, that fear of retribution might cause a man to be a little bit more mindful in how he treats you. Well, you don't have that. And I wish I could do that for you. And if you want to pay extra, you can hire me for that. I will have to purchase a shotgun. I don't happen to own one. It's what I, what I'm, how I differentiate is what I think is the sincerity over the agenda. Somebody who's trying to push an agenda, it will feel like pressure to you versus when you can feel it from a place of sincerity. And it feels right from a timing perspective. In other words, again, when you're meeting a stranger, like with my sweetheart, I didn't love bomber. Did I have, did I have lust and limerence with her? Absolutely. And at the same time, I had a relative set of pace. Now, I was the one who introduced the dating vows because I do this for a living, but there's a sense of pace that feels comfortable when you're with a sincere person versus someone who's pushing, pushing, pushing an agenda. That's at least, this is something you have to practice. You have to really tap into your spider senses to really get a sense of the person who's sincere. Now, this isn't a guarantee, but the sincere person versus the person pushing the agenda. Liz, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. How do I differentiate a narcissist from a spender? Well, a spender. Well, first off, I think the most, the, the, a narcissist from what I understand can never say I'm sorry or apologize. A spender can apologize. The challenge with the spender is that they don't have a plan of how to take the relationship from where it is now to where you want it to be. And they are not discussing that plan. They might say things like, oh, we can talk about that in five years or, you know, they're putting off the plan. Okay. A builder and a grower, he has a, he or she has a plan right from the beginning and they're working on the plan. Okay. I did that with my sweetheart. After we agreed that we're going to explore a relationship, we put a plan together to take the distance because it was a long distance relationship. And it's the difference between us. See, I don't want you to differentiate between a narcissist because human being most, I believe clinical narcissists is a small percentage of people are, I'd say a significant percentage of people are self centric and myopic. Okay. But not narcissists. But at the end of the day, listen, if you're not building a relationship of co creation, then the relationship probably is going to be mediocre at best. This is why I recommend reading this book. Making your second marriage of first class success. This hasn't, you know, it says the word marriage, but making your relationship and that you're, excuse me, making your second marriage of first class success. The point is, is since a significant percentage of my population or my audience is divorced, why not understand what it takes to make a good relationship work? Why, folks, stop being so naive. I got a question the other day. Jonathan, why is love so hard? Why isn't love simple? Love is simple. Human beings are hard. Human beings are dysfunctional. Look at if you haven't seen this chart, emotional maturity relationship skills. I say roughly, and by the way, this is not a fact. It's merely an opinion, just like my previous charts, roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues. And while I say 20% of the pop and I'm saying good relationship skills and emotional maturity, most everybody is dysfunctional. Folks, rather than go in with the assumption, I go in the assumption that people are fucked up. It's just a matter of degrees. What's interesting is when I heard my sweetheart story of the dysfunctionality she grew up in her childhood, at age 19, she did something called life spring. And she did it twice. So at a very young age, she was able to go, I grew up with so much dysfunctionality, I need some help. This is why now it took me, you know, to be in my 50s before I did. The Hoffman process, the Hoffman process, by the way, again, the links below to all the books I recommend. This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that cause our dysfunctionality. So I go in, I went in the dating process, always assuming everyone was a bit messed up. It's just a matter of degrees. Okay, Leah says, how soon do you introduce the dating vows? Well, I think, I think it's important to set the stage of what it is you're set your standard first of what it is you're looking for in a relationship. What does a relationship mean to you? This is why folks, it's funny. I have a client, I have women coming to me, come to me and say, Jonathan, I'm in a relationship with a guy and I want more commitment. I'm like, great, what does that look like for you? But Jonathan, I want more commitment from you. What does that look like for you? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him. Excuse me. But what does that look like for you? Ladies, if you don't know what commitment looks like for you, then it's going to be virtually impossible to set the standard to know when is the time to do the dating vows. So first and foremost, if you are genuinely seeking partnership, then I would be absolutely upfront right from the get-go is I'm looking to get married or live together with someone. Now, some of you may not want to do that. That's okay. I think it's going to be difficult. What's the point of dating if you don't eventually, I mean, what's the point, if you don't eventually want to be living together or married, especially at our age. Look at, you know, for us baby boomers, you know, tail end baby boomers and Gen Xers, you know, what's the point? I mean, unless you just want to have casual sex and casual relationship, what's the point? So when's the time to introduce the dating vows? I think before you give your heart to someone and certainly if you're going to take your time getting to know each other, then maybe they're prior to or shortly after having sex together to at least create clarity. This is all about creating clarity. I said 90% of guys will bail on this. Now, will it actually do these people live up to the vow? Well, think about how many people got married set a vow to each other and the divorce rate is 50 plus percent. So it's not a guarantee. It's just a weeding out process. And it's designed to create conversations. See, most importantly, it's designed to create conversations about what it is you want in a relationship. Folks, if you haven't read the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Check out chapter one about trust and commitment. And I recommend women buying two copies of this book and reading it with the guy that they're dating. Is that going to guarantee the relationship is going to work? No, but it weeds out a lot of the people it won't work with. And that's my invitation. So when you say the dating vows, I think the best time to say it is before you give your heart or possibly your body to another human being. And that's my invitation for you. Leah, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it.