 The Kraft Foods Company presents Wellard Waterman as the Great Gilder Sleeve. The Great Gilder Sleeve is brought to you partially transcribed by the Kraft Foods Company. Kraft, makers of the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. We say one and only because there just isn't any other salad dressing like Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip is different and it tastes different. Miracle Whip tastes so good it's become the most popular salad dressing ever created. More Miracle Whip is sold than the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Try it, make your salads better tasting with the one and only Miracle Whip. Like everybody else these days, the Great Gilder Sleeve is being made aware of the pros and cons of all matters pertaining to the public interest, both local and national. It's almost five o'clock now and before he closes his office, the water commissioner is trying to get his favorite news commentator on the radio. What's the matter with it? Nothing comes out. I'm missing the program. What's wrong with this radio? Hi, Aunt. Hello, Leroy. What are you trying to do? I want to listen to the news, but I can't get this radio to work. Well, your radio may not be working, but you're making coffee. What's that? The coffee pot's plugged in. Coffee pot? Oh my goodness. I forgot Mrs. Munson brought a coffee pot to work this morning. Yeah, I'll fix that. Strong coffee. I'll get sure H to give up. Yeah, quietly, Leroy. I want to listen. Well, I can't buy the ride home with you. Why don't you listen to the car radio going home? The program will be over before then. This commentator, the greatest threat to our welfare today is the public's apathy. Under the increasing burden of heavy taxation, we grumble to friends and families. But what do we as individuals do about it? You know the answer and so do I. We say, let George do it. Who's he talking about, George Washington? No, Leroy. Let's all be George's. This is election year. When we choose our public servants, let's ask ourselves, are they thinking of ways to curb public expense, or are they just being expensive to the public? Which one of you wants it? Leroy. In this historic year of 1952, give us men, men of integrity, men of vision, men of strength and capability. Give us public servants who really serve, for therein lies our salvation. Good night. By George, he's right. We need more men like me. Well, Leroy, like the man said, we need efficient, economy-minded public servants. Not only in the national and state fixtures, but on the local scene. Economy begins at home. Now I'm going to do something about it. You mean you're going to cut my arms? No, Leroy. I'm talking about the cost of city operation. Come on, let's close the office. Good for you. I'm trying to offer it to me. As long as it doesn't affect me. I'm afraid a lot of people feel that way, my boy. But the public payrolls are growing by leaps and bounds. You look right here at the city hall. Every year, we have to build a new wing to house the city employees. Pretty soon it's going to look like the Pentagon. You can't tell me we need all these people to run a city the size of summer heat. Now there's a new face coming out of the mayor's office. Yeah, keen. Yeah, I haven't seen her around before. Tailored suit, horn-rimmed glasses, carrying a briefcase. Trying to make a big impression. You look important. What does she do? I don't know. Yeah, George, I think I'll find out. I'm a public servant. I'm going to start looking into these things. Kill on Leroy. Let's catch up with her. Young woman! Just a moment, please. Yeah. What do you do here at city hall? I beg your pardon. That's all right. You don't have to apologize. Just tell me what you do. I carry a police whistle, and I hope I won't have to blow it. No, just a minute. I asked you a simple question. I asked you what you do here. I'll tell you what I don't do. I don't talk to strangers. He's no stranger. He's my uncle. Well, he looks very strange to me. Young lady, I'm not just making idle conversation. Oh, what kind of conversation are you making? I'm making like a city official. Yeah, I mean, I'm the head of the water department. Oh, please. Don't make me dislike water. You better pick on somebody else, sonk. Now, miss, don't misunderstand me. I didn't mean to be fresh. Oh, you mean the city doesn't have a fresh water commissioner? Yeah. Well, since you have your nephew along, I suppose you are harmless. And you know, you have me curious. Just why did you stop me, water boy? Water boy. Well, I was in my office listening to the radio. Oh, there's a logical reason for a man stopping a girl. And it's my duty as a public servant to keep an eye on the other servants. Not just let George do it. Sonny, who's George? That's why I asked him. What we need is efficient, economy-oriented people. And economy begins at home. Sonny, take your uncle by the hand and lead him home. Come along, honk. No, wait a minute. Leo, stop pulling. I'll go off to the night, Margie. Oh, he's going to a political meeting, onky. Oh? Uh-huh. The junior thinkers are getting together again. The junior whas? Thinkers. Oh. Well, good for Bronco. His high time all of us took a more active interest in politics. And I know I've been giving it a lot of thought. That makes you a senior thinker, huh? Well, at least I have a very adult approach to the problems of the day. I'll say. Margie, should have seen him approach a cute adult at City Hall today. No, Leo. What happened? Nothing. I saw a lady coming out of the mayor's office and we asked her a lot of questions about what she was doing. And she said, Sonny, take your uncle home. Onky, weren't you being a little presumptuous? Not at all. We don't know enough about the people who carry on the city's business. There are a lot of newcomers, upstairs. People hired for this and for that. How do we know they're capable? She was. We don't know that. And I'm going to find out what goes on down at City Hall. And an election year is the time to do it. Oh, here we go again. Margie, what do you mean by that? Well, onky, every election year you start crusading and then you forget all about it. Not this time. That's been the trouble with all of us. Margie, we're too apathetic. This is a historic year when we need leadership. Men who are strong and sturdy. Somebody call a sturdy? No, Bertie. I said we need men who are strong and sturdy. Men with ideas. Yes. I'm just going to clean up City Hall, Bertie. Oh? You bet. Tomorrow I'm going to the mayor with a few pertinent suggestions. Oh? I'm going to suggest that he hire a hard-headed business man to investigate all departments and make recommendations for offering efficiency and lowering cost. Yes, sir. Mr. Gelsiever, you're going to be the hard-headed business man. Well, now that you mentioned Bertie, I'm hard-headed enough to take the job. Yes, sir. If the right people haven't been appointed to serve the public, we'll get the right people. Yes, sir. Well, you know they sure make some mistakes when it comes to appointing the right people. I found that out in my charity club. You did, Bertie? Yes, sir. There was two members up for chairman. One was loaded with ability and the other one didn't have nothing. I mean, nothing. Yes, sir. And who do you think was appointed chairman? The one who had some or the one who didn't have nothing? Well... They took that no-good character who didn't have nothing and left the gala loaded with ability out in the cold. Oh, that's too bad. Who got left out, Bertie? Me. Bertie's joking. But I'm dead serious. I'm going to see the mayor first thing in the morning. Well, Mr. Mayor, what do you think? Frankly, go to sleep, I'm impressed. You've been coming in here for the past ten years with ideas, but this one makes sense. Yes, thank you. Yes, we need somebody like that, an honest, fearless troubleshooter. Someone accountable only to me. My right-hand man. But who would it be? Well... Guilda Sleep, what are you doing? Moving over by your right hand. Oh, I forgot to shake your hand for this worthwhile suggestion. Shake, Guilda Sleep. Thank you. Well, now let me see. Such a person should have an important title. You bet. Such as... Civic Coordinator. Civic Coordinator? It's very good, Mr. Mayor. I think so. The question is, who should I appoint? I just love to appoint people. Well, that's up to you. I'm not the pushy type of city employee who reminds you that it was my idea. I'll have to give the matter some thought. I'll appoint some competent person to the job. Well, I'll be in my office all day, like a competent official should, while you're thinking about it. Dad, what an idea! Glad you like it. Good day, Mr. Mayor. I'll be in my office. Right, George, I've got it in the bag. If you invite me, lady. Well, it's the big water man again. Oh, you again. Didn't mean to bump into you. It's my fault. I must have made a wrong turn. I didn't know I was on the truck route. Yes, yes. Did your nephew get you home last night? I not only got home, but I got to work on time this morning. It's 10.15, you know. Well, he tells time, too. Come in. Good morning, Mr. Mayor. Well, well, Miss Pickens, won't you sit down? I just wanted to stop in and thank you for the wonderful cooperation you've given the college. Oh, not at all, Miss Pickens, or should I say Professor Pickens? Well, I like the miss. When my students call me prof, I'm not a prof, I'm not a prof. Well, well, well, it's an honor to have been of service to the School of Business Administration. And I'm gratified that you chose the city's financial structure for your research project. I hope I haven't been a bore. I've been in and out of your office so much I'm afraid your water commissioner thinks I'm an employee. Oh, you've met Commissioner Gilda Sleeve. Well, he hailed me last night and I bumped into him again this morning. He's a great personable man when you get to know him. Perhaps you'll have a chance to know him better. So far as I'm concerned, it was hail and farewell. Goodbye, Mr. Mayor. Wait a minute, Miss Pickens. I have an idea. Oh? Why didn't I think of this before? Eureka, I have it. I'm impressed, but I don't know why. Miss Pickens, do you suppose, along with your classes in business administration at the college, you could handle a job for the city? What kind of a job? Which your training has qualified you? Streamline the various branches of the city government. Miss Harriet Pickens, civic coordinator. You could be my right-hand man. Woman. I don't know, Mr. Mayor. Oh, come now. I suspect you've already seen where some changes could be made around the city hall. Well, yes. We have a lot of dead wood around here. Gilda Sleeve and I agreed on that. You mean he admits it? I think, Miss Pickens, you're just the person I need to ferret out inefficiency. I'll give you a free hand in all departments. Streets, traffic, light and power, water. Well, it might be fun to plug a few leaks. I could run down the PVs for a coke. No, better not. The Mayor might phone. Where's my tape measure? Better see if there's room for another title on the door. Hello, Gilda. Hello, Judge. What are you doing with the tape? I'm measuring the door. Why? To see if you can still get through it? No, Judge. I'm seeing a civic coordinator will fit on the door. Somebody else taking over your office? Hardly, Horace. I'm taking on new responsibilities. Oh. I went to the Mayor with an idea for appointing somebody to streamline the departments. Give the taxpayer a break and it looks like I'm in. This is a break for the taxpayer? All right, Judge. If I'm good enough to get the idea, I'm good enough to carry it out. I mean to go through every department like a threshing machine, separating the wheat from the chaff. Well, Gildy, I've observed a laxity in certain departments. No offense intended. But I didn't think we needed a complete overhauling. You'd be surprised. Now, I'll take this new girl coming down the hall. What could she possibly do around here? Maybe she just goes around looking pretty. Well, she'd better watch it. Not at all. Just a minute, Judge. This is my office. I'll decide who's intruding and who isn't. Oh. Young lady, what are you doing here? Just browsing. Oh, my goodness. On city time? Yes. Grazing browser. Young lady, you may as well know that when I bumped into you this morning, I had talked with the Mayor about appointing a city of coordinates. Yes, so? His job would be to check up on employees to come to work at 10.15 and spend the rest of the day browsing around other people's offices. Uh-huh. In short, I think I ought to warn you. There's going to be a house sweep. Do you understand? I should. I'm the cleaning woman. You? Oh, is that what you do around here? I am the new civic coordinator. Well, my advice to you is to come to work on time and do your civic coordinates. Young lady, I'd like to meet you. I'm Judge Horace Hooker. I'm Harriet Pickens. I'm Rune. The great gilded sleeve will be back in just a minute. Most good cooks know that the salad dressing really makes the salad, but I wonder if you know which salad dressing in particular will give your salad the exceptional goodness you wanted to have. You'll find that salad dressing is miracle whip. It has a flavor that's lively, teasing, yet not a bit too sharp. Millions of folks say miracle whip tastes just exactly right. And it has a flavor you won't find at any other salad dressing because miracle whip is actually a different kind of salad dressing. It's made from a secret craft recipe that combines the best qualities of old-fashioned boiled dressing and fine mayonnaise. Miracle whip tastes so good, it's become America's favorite salad dressing. Actually, it's the most popular salad dressing ever created. Outsells the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Whether you're serving a luscious fruit salad, a colorful vegetable combination, a shimmering gelatin mold, or a main dish meat or seafood salad, remember this. To make your salad truly delicious, make it with miracle whip salad dressing. Get a jar tomorrow. Just be sure you see the name miracle whip on the jar you buy. There's only one miracle whip salad dressing, and it's made only by craft. When you throw a boomerang at a target and miss, it usually comes back and you'd better duck. Water commissioner Gilderslee threw an idea on the mayor's desk that looks very much like a boomerang. I had a good idea, Marjorie. Having the mayor appoint a city coordinator to save the taxpayers' money. It was a wonderful idea, Unky. Yeah, I thought he'd appoint me. I even knew the first person who was going to be cut off the payroll. Who was it, Unky? The woman he appointed city coordinator. The mayor appointed a woman? Yes. End of all people. It was the woman I stopped in the hall yesterday. The one with the glasses and the briefcase? Yeah. The one who got mad when you wanted to know what she was doing there? That's the one. Now she's the one who'll go through the city departments with the big acts cutting out the dead wood. Your brother. You may not be wood, but you're dead. What are you going to do, Unky? Well... I know what I'd better do. Get me a paper out. No, Leroy, that isn't necessary. Yet. No, I'll wait until all this is over. I couldn't stand on the corner selling papers with big headlines about my uncle losing his job. Yover. Please, Leroy. On the other hand, I might make a lot of money for you, Unk. People might feel sorry for me. Civic coordinator. Is that why he's washed up? Birdie, I'm not washed up. No, then what are you? I'm still water-commister. Because there's a possibility that woman might try to cause trouble. Unky, you didn't really say anything to antagonize her, did you? Of course not. I was my usual diplomatic self. Well, thinking back, I did suggest that if I had anything to do with it, she might not be there long. Oh, Mr. Gale, please. It wasn't my fault I bumped into her in the hall and nearly knocked off her hat. Oh, Mr. Gale, please. What did you say to her, Unky? Well, I told her to watch it. Oh, Mr. Gale, please. You've got to be poor all right. I think I will take that paper off. Maybe I better get one myself. What can I do for you this evening? Oh, nothing. I'm just wandering around thinking. I thought maybe you might be busy with your homework tonight. Homework? I hear you fell down at City Hall and have a tutor. Peevie, if you're talking about the city coordinator, it was my idea. You mean you gave the mayor the idea of appointing somebody to check up on you? Well, in a way, yes. You're delivering dangerously, Mr. Gale. Now, Peevie, the city needs somebody to weed out inefficiency. That's what I'm saying. You know I've done a good job down there, Peevie. And I don't like the idea of a woman coming in and telling me what to do. I thought this was a man's world. Well, Peevie, you've never worked for a woman, have you? Hasn't every married man? I'm talking about working for a professional woman like Miss Pickens. Well, Mrs. Peevie originally intended taking up a profession. Animal husbandry. Did she ever do anything with it, Peevie? Well, she made a lamb out of me. Right, George, I'm not going to count out of Miss Bornroom Glasses and her big fat briefcase. She better not come snooping around my office. No, I won't be a lamb. I'll be a roaring lion. Don't jump, Mr. Lion. It's just a telephone. Peevie's pharmacy? Oh, hello, Marjorie. Yes, he's here. Just a moment. For me, Peevie? Yes, it is. Thanks. Hello? Um, Miss Harriet Pickens just phoned for you. Hello? Uh-huh. She said she's going through your office tonight. She's in my office tonight? Uh-huh. She said she doesn't want you to feel she's going behind your back. Zeke. What's the matter, Miss Gildesley? Peevie, I've just been stabbed in the back. Well, they're on you to search yourself. Don't worry, I will. She can't make a fool out of me unless I'm there. Thank you for calling, my dear. Goodbye. Goodbye. Peevie, do you know what's happened? Yeah, I'm afraid I do. That woman is in my office tonight, going through my files, trying to trap me. She's on your trail, all right. Well, she won't find anything wrong, Peevie. Now, I've kept my house in order. In my office, things are fairly chip shaped. Hmm, yeah. Because she doesn't like me. She may try to frame me. Hmm, yeah. You know, how do I know what she's up to? She may try to get rid of me and take over my job. Hmm, yeah. You know, I'm going down there and have it out with her. She may be a brainy college professor. But that doesn't mean she can put anything over on me. No, no, I wouldn't say that. But this is Harriet. I'll be a little late tonight. I'm phoning from the water commissioner's office. No, he isn't here, but I wish he were. I have a whole notebook of questions I can't answer. Uh-huh. I just hope I can get the information out of him without letting him know how little I know. But I suppose I can bluff as well as he can. Oh, here he is. I'll have to hang up, mother. Bye. Miss Figgins? Oh, hello, Mr. Gilderstein. What's going on here? That's what I'm trying to find out. I phoned your home to let you know I was here. Yeah, I know. That's why I hurried down. Getting worried? Certainly not. But from the amount of work piled up around here, you're evidently not in the habit of coming back night. No, I'll see you here, Miss Figgins. Unless it's for a cup of coffee. Coffee? I found this percolator filed under unfinished business. Well, Miss Figgins, I may not run my office according to the book, but my customers are happy. Oh, do you serve them all free lunch? No, I don't. That coffee pie... Oh, never mind, never mind. There are more important things to discuss. The mayor is expecting me to produce, Mr. Gilderstein. Let the chips fall where they may. So you're going to make me the first big chip? Guilty conscience commissioner. Not at all. I know what you're trying to do, Miss Figgins. You're trying to get rid of me. Let me see what you're written in that notebook. Mr. Gilderstein, give me my notebook. Oh, no, I have a right to know what you're reporting to the mayor. Mr. Gilderstein, you're being a brute. Well, you were a brute first. Mr. Gilderstein. Let's see what you've got down here. Find out, for Mr. Gilderstein, about water supply, purification, and distribution. Why do you want to know that? Well, so I can talk intelligently to the mayor. I mean... So you have to find out to me what to say to the mayor? Well... What is Mr. Gilderstein's long-range water system plan for a greater summer field? Mr. Gilderstein, if I'm going to make recommendations to the mayor, I might... You have to find out what to recommend from me, eh? I didn't say that. What's the next question? What is a snifter valve? You mean you don't know what a snifter valve is? No, I don't. She doesn't know what a snifter valve is. The college professor doesn't know what a snifter valve is. All right, I admit, I don't know about your silly old water department. I didn't want this job in the first place. It was the mayor's idea. It was not. It was mine. Well, then I hate you, and I resign. Yeah, wait a minute, Miss Pickens. Don't give up. Well... Yeah, I think it's fine that you're a city coordinator. Now that we understand each other. Now you take this patent and I'll help you. Well, you don't have to... You just take down what I say. Well... All right. The water commissioner forgives Miss Pickens. As a city coordinator, he thinks she makes a good school teacher, period. Mr. Gildesleeve, will you please be serious and answer the question? Oh, yes. Now she's all business again. And while you're thinking about them, I'll plug in the coffee pot. Well, Attagirl, what have I been worrying about? The great Gildesleeve will be with us again in just 30 seconds. Nothing goes quite so well with the hamburgers we all like so much as really good coleslaw. And to be sure your coleslaw tastes its delicious best, make it with Miracle Whip salad dressing. Miracle Whip will give it a wonderful flavor, a flavor that's peppy and just sharp enough, a flavor your whole family will like. Treat your folks to some good coleslaw soon. And remember, to make it better tasting than ever, make it with the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. You've been very helpful, Mr. Gildesleeve. Well, I like to cooperate, especially with a lady, especially with an attractive lady. Oh, thank you. In fact, I've decided you were very attractive. Now that I know you're not so smart, you mean fool. Well, I suppose I shouldn't have told you quite so much about myself. Well, I suppose I shouldn't have told you so much about the water department either. About the little mistakes here and there. But that'll all be just between us. Oh, of course. Just between you and me. And the mayor. Wait a minute. Well, what did you think I was going to do with this information, write it in my diary? No, but... Good night, Mr. Gildesleeve. No, Mr. Dickens. I thought we were friends. The coffee. Unplug the pop. You're using city electricity. And Mr. Gildesleeve. Yes. I think you're quite attractive. Now that I know you're not so smart. Good night, Miss Pickens. Good night, folks. The Great Gildesleeve is played by Willard Waterman. The show is written by John Elliott and Andy White and is partially transcribed. Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, Mary Lee Robb, Lillian Randolph, Mary Jane Croft, Stan Ferrar, Earl Ross and Dick LeGrand. Musical compositions by Jack Meakin. This is John Heaston saying good night for the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of Kraft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the further adventures of The Great Gildesleeve. What goes into a perfect sandwich? Maybe it's roast beef or savory baked ham. Whatever your favorite, the perfect meat sandwich needs the perfect mustard. Kraft, prepared mustard. For when you add a little mustard, you add a lot of tang. You can take your choice of two kinds of Kraft mustard. Mild Kraft mustard is smooth and delicately spiced. Or if you like your mustard with extra pep, try Kraft mustard with snappy horseradish added. Keep them both on hand and keep everyone in the family happy. Next time, get Kraft, prepared mustard. Stay tuned to Groucho Marx and You Bet Your Life, next on NBC.