 I think it's to the point now like I'm just waiting until I'm ready to do it again because when I do it again this time, that's it. What they say to death do us part. I'm not crazy though. It's not but I mean that's just my mindset like when I do it this second time like that's all I want. Yeah you really feel because I just want to build with you. Black girl tell me how you really feel. I want to keep it real with you. I want to live better, eat better. I want to love better, sleep better. Yeah I want to feel so aligned. Are you comfortable talking about your marriage? Not in detail. Not yeah you don't have to go into super detail just whatever you're comfortable with. But I mean that's something I'm curious about and the reason you know I'm so curious is because you know some sides have come out that most black women will not get married, will not stay married and you have at least accomplished the first thing you've been married. So you know talk to me about what marriage means to you or meant to you and what it currently means or you know means to you now. Okay so I grew up in a two-parent home until I was maybe like 11 and then my mom and dad divorced so I guess me in that younger stage you always remember like how your parents interact with each other. As you get older you develop your own thoughts and stuff about marriage and relationships and dating but I guess me being younger and seeing my parents it was like that's what I want like that's the kind of house I want to be in. But as I got older it was like well you know things happen they weren't they separate ways it is what it is. Well I got married at like 26. I was seeing a guy we were dating all day good jazz and he went to the military. So he went to the military and you know we decided to go ahead and let's let's do this thing if we're going to be together if you want me to be with you this is how it was going to be so we got married moved to Georgia. Me and him are cool now so I can go ahead and say that we're cool now so it's no bad bad blood he knows it but I think the issue started like once he got at his duty station he started hanging with guys that were way younger than him because he was like 28 at the time right he had just got in so all of the guys were maybe 20, 21, 22 so he still hasn't developed or understand like hey I have a whole life like I'm married this ain't no contract marriage this ain't no you go do what you do I'm gonna do my thing and we're just reaping the benefits that wasn't what I went in to do you know. So after two years we divorced we went our separate ways. At first I was like real bitter like mad like I'm never gonna get married again I'm never gonna talk to anybody but as the years went by I had to remove myself from that dating pool like I had to work on myself I have to develop myself and I feel like me now 32 I have the mindset of yes I want to get married again it's just made me realize what I'm willing to take and what I'm willing to not take and that's the thing when you said you know women get married but for them to stay married I feel like do I want to stay married just to say I'm married to somebody even though they treat me like trash or do I want to not be married and know what I'm supposed to have like I feel like if I would have stayed in that just because I didn't want to deal with what everybody was saying and I did deal with that at one time I was like oh my god people say I failed I just got married like I wasn't a good wife like that was all in my mind and I would say fuck that like I know I did what I was supposed to do I tried counseling I tried everything but you can't make nobody stay they don't want to stay um but it wasn't me saying that I wanted to stay just so I could have that title of me being married you know nowadays women are married even guys are married if it's just not working and people like oh I have kids put them kids like your happiness is is where it needs to be too because if you're broken how can you raise kids up on love like that so pretty much he wasn't ready to be a husband he wasn't he's happily married now you know he has two kids kudos to him um but at that time I think um it was more of a lesson for the both of us because he got to experience like okay this this girl like fuck with me like like she she really put me because I mean I looked back a couple of times like you're not finna just run over me just because you want to but in the same sense like I said I grew I developed I matured to know this is what I want and this is what I want to tolerate in hindsight because you know hindsight is 2020 at the time were you ready to be a wife I was I was I say I'm not gonna say I think I was I know I was I was ready to be a wife because um I let go a lot of ways that I had in the beginning or me at 22 21 you know 23 years old to be with him like to me that was that's my husband like I'm gonna do what I have to do for my husband I'm gonna do what I have to do like I left a career that I was developing you know I was in a supervisor position I was going to get my my master's at the time in clinical mental health I was doing everything that I felt like I should have been doing at 23 24 25 to leave all of that to go be with this man any woman in her in that right there who who wasn't ready would have been like nah we we can do that at another time but because that was who I wanted to be with that's who I cared about that's who I love I was willing to give that all up I was like oh I can start that life again over you know when we get to where we wanted to get to um I knew also when I prayed for him more than what I prayed for myself like it was one of those things like and it wasn't me praying for him to change or anything like that it was just praying like God just watch over him you know he's in military make sure it's y and z you know stuff like that now me now compared to then I can say at that time I think I really wanted I wanted it that bad you know to to have that that I was ready now I'm ready but it's like oh am I really ready is that something I want to do like is that you know or whatever but the other side of me was like yeah girl you ready you ready but then it sounds like no girl just let it go you know type of thing I think um I was just in a different headspace during that time um but marriage is work regardless of his a year two three 17 years his work like this is somebody they change daily like you know it's a lot of stuff that can happen in between then so I mean naturally my my curiosity you know again you know I encourage people to be self aware and self reflective somebody might ask how come these years later he's married in your life what do you think underlines that um I think for me I can't speak for him um so he may be married for there's reason because he has children he might have got married because he has a child with his wife like he has another child is in another state by somebody that he dealt with when he was you know moved but for me I guess I can say I'm not married because for one I haven't really come across anybody who I would I'm not gonna say taste serious because I mean any guy that I'm trying to date I'm trying to taste serious like I'm I'm trying to build that up but I think it's to the point now like I'm just waiting until I'm ready to do it again because when I do it again this time that's it what they say to definitely us part I'm not crazy it's not but I mean that's that's just my mindset like when I do it this second time like that's all I want like I rather wait to do it than to be on my second marriage and it feel and do be on my third marriage and it feel like I said just to say that I'm married like I have this saying and I tell my friends because I'm mostly the person in my group that don't have kids and you know all of this other stuff and and I'm just like hey either I'm gonna be a Tracy L's Ross in the world I'm gonna be a Sierra I'll take either Tracy L's Ross Auntie living her best life you know I'm sure that she's had her in runs and stuff with people but you know she basically said it doesn't define her if she's not married doesn't define her if she doesn't have kids that's just what she chooses to be but then you have people like Sierra like she's married she has kids that's it I would desire to have that but if I don't and I end up on the other side I'd be totally fine too. Okay so if if you had to evaluate let's say a young lady who's in shoes similar to you were in when you got married and she's saying that she wants I mean a lot of girls right now want to get married they feel like it's the ultimate validation um how would you evaluate whether or not she was actually ready to be a white versus just wanting a wedding? I would ask questions like what would you do if you found out your spouse cheated or um your spouse is sick and you have to take over like stuff like that because you have some people that won't be that won't wipe nobody else's ass like you know they'll be like oh I gotta do that yes yes those are things you have to do if you know and it comes back to also you know people saying the man is supposed to provide the man is supposed to provide stuff like that that was one of my things like okay he's a provider but I'm also gonna bring in what I need to bring in because I I always think the worst I'm not gonna say thank the worst but always think of if something happens to him and he cannot provide who's going to do it it has to be me he help he also has to be confident in if something happens to me she's going to be able to take over like if you're just so concerned about a wedding and oh I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do that but you're not thinking about okay what if this man is paralyzed who's going to pick him up and out of bed who's going to give him a bath me having a background of mental health and working and stuff like you know working with individuals who can't do that stuff is easy for me to to grasp that the concept that like so if that happened to my husband like okay we just have to do we have to do it's it's that nature of it versus the glimpsing and glam and oh he taking me on trips and dates and stuff like that that's stuff that people don't think about okay um since you know your divorce you know I'm sure at different points you've put yourself out there you've gone on dates different things like that um what are the streets like right now the streets is talking don't just what are the streets like slash um what what are what are some issues you've run into trying to find your boas your your your potential partner um I would say communication sometimes can kind of throw things off um but for me dating right now I'm to the point of just say what you want say what you're trying to do like either you're gonna waste our time or it is what it is like you have I feel like some people don't like rejection so they'll feed you all this crazy stuff versus just saying hey I just I just want to have six hey I just I just want you to be around I just want you to be my sneaky link or I just want you to be around so I can go out blah blah blah versus giving me the chance to say nah I'm good or whatever um so I think that's that's one reason something I run into a lot like just say what you want like I'm grown you're grown just say it um but dating wise it's hard it's hard out here you you can like somebody and then all of a sudden you'd be like damn what happened bro like you just fell outside of the earth and then just go from there it go from what you're doing I hate that shit like what you're doing and then it goes to oh nothing okay all of this stuff and then it just like I said it just fades away and then I'm like okay back at square one I've done the apps I've done tinder I've done hands you know uh DMs you know it's just it's real bad it's real bad one of the push backs I'm sure you'll get um men might say the problem is you don't want the men who want you you is there is there a dude in your phone right now that if you said you know what Philip I'm ready that he will pull up to wherever you were scoop you up take you out to get something to eat and make an honest woman out of you is that is that is that true or am I way or um or your DMs or or or your tinder or okay so you think it's mean tell us a yes I'm not gonna say yes because my thing is this like I I get a lot of DMs and stuff like people would come in you know I'll I'll respond like I'll say thank you and stuff like that but I also also had that thing is I'm not gonna entertain you or I'm not gonna lead you on if I feel like I'm not gonna talk to you people my cell phone number is only given to people who I want to talk to you so I've had the same number let me put this I have the same number since eighth grade so that should tell you I protect my energy when it comes to stuff like that at all time so if I give you my phone number is because I see something potentially going on but I just don't entertain in everybody but I'm pretty sure if it's probably somebody in my phone I probably could say that too and be like what you're trying to do and they'll be like oh I'm on the way like so what's wrong with them huh what's wrong with them it's nothing wrong with them I mean that's what I'm saying like I I I talk to them sometimes it just may be um the time is just not right we can keep in contact but the time just may not be right what is or I'm just waiting on them to be like you know but see sometimes women like we wait us waiting on them can sometimes push back you know me I'm gonna shoot my shot I don't care who you are and it's funny because um celebrities I'm always doing dumb shit in in their comment section like if I want to shoot my shot I'm gonna I'm gonna throw it in there like I'm gonna just ooh what's up you know type of thing um but I mean there's nothing wrong with them it's just you just don't want it it's not that I don't want them it's just me like I said once again I go off vibes it's just consistent like because I feel like sometimes people would just do what they want to do on the front end and then when you do decide like okay let's let's try this they just start slacking like me girl what the fuck like but let me ask you this gotta be consistent these rules that you have these these evaluation metrics are they consistent across the board when you're evaluating men or if Mike will be George slitting your DMs all that shit will go out the window no it's gonna be the same I can I I know it would be the same why because I am a stickler for communication I don't care how fine you are if your communication sucks I'm gonna tell you it sucks no no I'm not talking about at the point of relationship I'm talking about as far as getting your interest oh because what you're saying is there are men who are interested you're just not interested enough I didn't say that you're not interested enough to be in that comment section I don't be I don't be in there okay let me celebrities I'll be in their comment session just because it's just it's just fun it's just what if they respond to tell me a celebrity be in that comment section lucky day that's my man okay what if lucky day responded you would still give him the running around like the dudes in your phone probably not but that's my voice but but it has been guys that I if I'm not in that comment section I will go to the DM or I'll send them a text message it's it's