 Hello, I'm from the Australian Government here to bring you a special weather forecast. Australia is about to head into a federal election. This means you can expect a high pressure system of bullshit to form over Canberra. The bullshit will spread across the continent rapidly, thanks to topical cyclone Rupert, causing scattered showers of misplaced spheres of refugees that will distract voters from the real existential threat we face. Climate catastrophe, you know, rivers vomiting up dead fish, roads melting, Tasmania on fire, towns full underwater, crocs cruising the streets, and the first mammal just went extinct due to rising sea levels, cool and normal. Few will emerge from this election without being covered in bullshit, especially children, who'll be the ones to pay for it. That's why they're skipping school and going on strike, because they know this is a crisis requiring an emergency response. Lucky for us, the little shits can't vote yet. Go back to school, little shits, then you can one day become a scientist. Who's climate change science we can ignore. As you can see, we care about climate change and your kid's future. That's why our Colfond Law & Chief has just announced the Climate Bullshit Fund. Will it help us meet our Paris emissions target in a canter? Sure, by using accounting tricks rather than reducing actual emissions. Your grandchildren will love hearing that story whilst playing survivor on a dead planet fucked by a dick at a count in ancestors. Is it just a rebranding of Tony's even older bullshit policy? The one that caused emissions to rise ever since he scrapped the carbon price? Of course it is. We're just hoping you're too stupid to remember that. Do we still plan to build new coal-powered stations? Absolutely. Not only that, we're also promising to make you pay for their debts when they can no longer compete with renewables. That's free insurance for private companies to shit on the planet. Go broke and have you pick up the tab. Fed income power. So remember, despite all the bullshit leading up to the election, we're still just a bunch of bought and paid for shills desperately hoping to use your money to bail out our rich moron friends who thought coal had a future rather than your children. Australian government. Vote for us because bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Authorised by the Department of Adults Requiring Child Supervision.