 of the woodland! Ranger Bill, warrior of the woodland, struggling against extreme odds, traveling dangerous trails, showing rare courage in the face of disaster, in the air, on horseback, or in a screaming squad car. His mind alert, already smile, unswerving, loyal to his mission. And all this in exchange for the satisfaction and pride of a job well done. I chuckle every time I think of this story. It was one of the funniest things that ever happened to Grey Wolf. You know that Grey Wolf is usually very quiet and reserved and doesn't have much to say. However, that doesn't mean he's asleep, far from it. His trained eyes see things that most of us miss. He has even stumpy misses and things that Grey Wolf sees. He has a mental alertness. It's the envy of almost everyone that knows him. But in this story, Grey Wolf doesn't have a chance, even with all the excellent qualifications the man possesses. It seems everybody at everything gangs up on him as though they planned to pound sign him at once when he wasn't looking. Oh boy, does he get it! Well, the story began just after Henry left to do some errands for me in Central City. Well, I suppose Henry will be gone two or three days. He's got quite a list of things to do in Central City. Besides, see Colonel Landers, and he's got some business in Junction City. A monkey business or a real business bill. I was having the same, say, maybe I should have given Henry my harmonica while he's gone so he can have some music. He's got a radio in the car for a music stumpy. Now there's a grey... What do you mean? None of us can play that wind whistle, you know it. I'd gladly give you a fast lesson. Oh no, not on your life. Besides, I haven't got time. Full of pep. Huh? What'd you say? Forget it, as long as you've stopped playing that thing. Thing? Nicky, a thing? I'll have you know that this is a genuine bony fight. Noisemaker. Noisemaker. You'd better take it easy, old timer. Stumpy, you all right? Hitchin' my back. That did you act like you're 20 years old. Here, better answer the telepathy. Well, where do you help me get my old bag of busted down bones into the office? Oh, I'll help you. Then I'll rub you down with horse liniment. Horse liniment? What do you think I... Not answer on grounds that might get me punchin' nose. You trying to... If I rub you down hard enough, it hurts so much, you forget about other hurt. Piece of psycho-ology's I've ever hurt. Okay, that word hurt most. It used to be, now I'm not so sure. You mean you hurt all over? Well, ain't that what you're trying to do? Kill a man by massaging him to death? I'll let you live a while. Now, I'm done now. How you feel? Like a rolled-off... Hey, what's Hale and Bill? He's been acting mighty peculiar since that phone call. Yes, I noticed that. What going on, Bill? Yeah. What's on your mind? Whoever that guy was that called must think I'm some kind of an easy mark for a joke. Well, let's hear the rest of it. He said we should come down to the supermarket right away. Well, what are they doing? Givin' away free food? No, this character said there's a cougar in the supermarket. Oh, Bill, somebody really played joke on you. I'll say they are. They try to play joke for Bill too smart to fall for it. Well, as Henry says, anybody that would fall for that ought to go to a head doctor for a roof job. How could anyone be so dumb as to think we'd fall for that? That's right! That's probably the same clown calling again. I wonder what his story is this time. Hey, let the phone ring. Answer when I give a signal, okay? I call a phone company on the line and have Tracer put on. Well, now you're thinking. Oh, okay, Bill. Answer it. We got a Tracer on it. Ranger Ed Quarters, Bill Jefferson speaking. Hey, hey, slow down. Hey, slow down. I can't understand what you're saying. Take it easy, will ya? Slow down. Okay, hang up, Bill. Operator is tracing call now. Operator, do you find where call come from? It did. Thank you. Well, is it legitimate? Yeah, they trace call and say come from supermarket phone. Well, then it isn't a joke. Now, what's a cougar doing in the supermarket, Stumpy? How should I? It's about time you rangers got here. I'm Amrose People's manager of this supermarket. Never in all my years of supermarket work have I had anything like this happen. A wild beast just walks into my store, chases everybody out and takes over. Oh, this is terrible. What if that monster needs somebody alive or cloth them to death? It's a good thing I have a strong heart. I'd be fed from fright. Well, you fellows aren't even armed. You should have rifles, big rifles like to use to kill elephants with. Well, don't just stand there and look silly get that that vicious beast out of there so my customers can get back into the store. Money I'm losing while you men stand there and do nothing. Why don't you You better stop talking and sit down before you break blood vessel. Well, I can see that you don't take your responsibility very seriously at all. I'm losing money every minute you stand there. I want that. It serves a very bad just very bad indeed and this isn't doing any good. Where are your pills, Mr. People's inside the store in that little office right there with the door where it says checks cash and manager. Uh-huh. That animal let to get some more from Dr. Jones right away. I'll get them for you. I'll be right back, Gray Wolf. And accept my mistake. Are you sure he's going to the drinking fountain with a cup. I doubt that the pills will do any good now. My nerves are completely unraveled. Oh, good. Here comes Bill now. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you again. I think I'll just sit down on the curb for a while. That's a good idea. You rest yourself for a while until you can calm down. Yes, I will. I'll do that. You walk right into the jaws of that terrible beast and live to tell about it. Oh, my boy. We do something quick before that man has to go to hospital. I wouldn't worry about him too much. The kind that let it out don't usually crack up. It's the kind that keeps it bottled up but end up in the hospital. There's a beast in there, Bill. Maybe we get heavy leather gloves and bury it and capture it. I have a strange feeling about that cougar, fellas. Yeah, so, you remember him somewhere else, maybe? Oh, Stumpy, you're impossible. No, I think that's a tame cat. Hey, might be right. But we get gloves and rope anyway. Then we go inside and find out for sure. Look out, you dumb cat. You can't walk on that pile of cans. Well, Knucklehead, are you satisfied now? Look at the mess. Listen to Bill just like he understood. He's not a wild cougar that fellas tame. Look at him. He's not trying to run away or climb the wall. Only a tame cat would come in a place like this. You know, young fella, he's to somebody sure as I am a foot high. Look at the collar mark. Yeah, I didn't notice that before. That's a collar mark, all right. Here, take my gloves and rope. I try to coax him down from top of shelf alone. I was hoping you'd let me try it, Grey Wolf. No, I try. Even though he tame, he's still clawed plenty bad. He's a very young cat, not quite full size yet. Come on, Bill. Let's get back by... Let's not get back too far though. I want to watch Grey Wolf and see what goes on. Winders, I'll say. I hope they don't push in that plate glass. And cat's just sitting up on the shelf and looking at Grey Wolf. Yep, nasty, neither. Which means he ain't a feared a man. Wolf's sure playing it smart. He's talking. What a nice cat, aren't you? You're not afraid of me, are you? Hey, how about you come over here and show me you like to be my friend. You're a very fine cat and very smart. Too bad you're not able to talk. You belong to somebody who can train you and tame you from kitten. Sure, you're real friendly. Hey, you don't lick my hands. That horse liniment I forgot to wash off when in a big hurry to get here. Hey, you get burning tongue from stuff. I can't believe it. Do you see what I see? Or what I see, Bill? But I'm sure looking at it, that cat likes Grey Wolf. Especially the horse liniment smell on his hands. Well, that stuff starts burning his tongue. I know one kitty that'll be looking for a small sized iceberg to munch on. Everybody is facetious as you want, but I'm not taking any chances with that wild beast. Aren't you going to put a robe on the cat, Bill? He's very tame, Mr. People. Scythe sure likes the way Grey Wolf's hands smell. He's just crazy about horse liniment. Take him to headquarters and car. Come on, Mr. Cougar, whatever your name is. So long! You're taking him in the car when he's run behind? Oh, there's too much. Too much. I'm glad so many people saw this, or I think I might be for the rest of them. Why, they treat that wild beast like he's somebody's family house cat. Oh, where are my peels? Where are they? This is great. He's just as contented as he can be. Does he like to be petted and have his ears scratched? I've read about tame cougars and panthers. I never thought I'd be this close to one. Grey Wolf, we can keep him here until we find out who owns him. Where else can we keep him since he's somebody's pet? Cat food! You can buy it in the store. You crazy. Why, we have to open 100 cans to feed this big fellow. You didn't take me seriously, did you? Well, I'd better go to the meat market and get some meat for him, Mr. Cougar. You fellas take care of him, huh? We'll take real good care of him while you're gone, Grey Wolf. How else wants to go too? It looks like you got yourself a real buddy. Ranger Bill Jefferson speaking. Joe? Joe? Oh, Henry, you pulled that on me once before and now I'm awake. Oh, we're all the famous rangers. We're fine, but what's this famous stuff? Well, catching a cougar in the supermarket by using horse linemen. Hey, how'd you find out about that? I've got a radio in the car, remember? It's on the radio? Hey, fellas, the story about the cougars on the radio. Well, what's the story? I should say, Grey Wolf did. Can you hear them, Henry? Can I talk to Grey Wolf? Sure. Oh, good. Hello, Henry. Hello, genius. Hey, you know, I think a genius would not tell you, maybe not be able to get rid of cat. Well, it isn't everybody that has a cougar for a pal. Hey, how soon you come back anyway? I'm glad you mentioned that. I almost forgot to tell you, I'll be delayed, but I should be back by the weekend. Oh, okay. We'll see what else we can do for excitement without you to find it. Oh, cut it out, Grey Wolf. Well, I gotta go along now. Goodbye. That cat sure loves you, Grey Wolf. He won't let you out of his sight. Don't you know the secret, Bill? The horse linemen stomping? Yeah, that's right. He just has that wonderful aroma about him. The oil of winter green reminds the kitty of the great pine trees in the wide open spaces. Oh, better wash linemen off, Hans. Wash the linemen off, are you? What'd it look like I do? Wash it on? Grey Wolf, how can you do that to such a good friend as Mr. Cougar? Well, I not know about you, but I not like to sleep with the smell on my hands. Oh, that reminds me. What's healing you? Sleep? Yes, stop you. Not me, the cat. I think Grey Wolf's going to have to take the cat home with him. I draw a line right here. Cougar not going house with me. What are you going to do with him? He's got to sleep too, you know? I tie him outside on porch. Come on, cat, at bedtime. Put on porch post to keep him company. Good night, Ray. The fun ended too soon, Stumpy. I was thinking the same thing. Let's stop here and listen. I suppose I shouldn't wish a man to lose some sleep, but I'd sure like to hear that cat sound off. So would I. Imitation that would do the trick just hurts him a lot. I don't think you'll have to, Stumpy. Listen. Grey Wolf's coming out on the porch now. Looks like he's talking to the cat. So we can get some sleep, will you? Get some sleep, huh? Okay, Sam. I hear without yelling. There's a bar time. Why'd you get a small cat like everybody else has? No, you got to get one bigger than the rest. Bigger noise too. I'd take him in the house. You go get glass of hot milk. You sleep good all night. All I want is for you to shut that screaming banshee up, and I'll sleep fine. Good night. If you two don't shut up and go to bed, I'll run you both in for disturbing the peace. Here comes O'Rourke. Looks like it's been plenty from the way you're enjoying yourself. I don't know why I'm laughing, but if I'm going to laugh, I better what I'm enjoying myself about. Sit down on the curb, Pat, and rest yourself a bit. All right, and if you laugh and haine is just two minutes to tell me what's going on, I'll run you in. No time for that now. Pat, what's the penalty for peeking in somebody's window at night, huh? It depends. Who's window? Grey Wolfs. Well, no penalty for his window, I guess, but otherwise you might get a lump in your head. Why Grey Wolfs window, anyway? We want to see if the cat goes to bed with him. He won't tell us if he does, and we want to know for certain. Come along and watch the fun. Well, no, that's an invitation I'll accept to be sure. I always wanted to watch a lion tame the tamer. Watch out for the bushes now. Yeah, you sleep on floor now and be quiet. Out of bed. Get up. Not sleeping bed with me. Okay. You're sleeping bed. I sleep on floor. I cover you with a blanket. I'm gonna sleep. Good night. Well, I guess that's all for the night. That ain't all. Look, lad, see what's going on. Oh yeah, easy does it. Careful you don't make any noise now. Look at his undershirt. He's coming around this side of the bed now to fix the blankets. Sleep, huh? Once more and out you go. Pet or no pet. Good night, everybody. I gotta get home and get some sleep so I can be in the office before Grey Wolf gets there. I can't wait to see the look on his face. What's that, Stumpy? No numbers, is it? No. Too worn out for that. They've got to be alert. We'll recognize him now. Good morning. What good about it? I hear story. I'm radio. How come it took you so long to get here? I have to wait for right this far, Senor. I come all the way from Mexico. What is your name? Pedro. Thank you very much. Someday, Senor someday I catch baby cat and I send him to you for presents because you take care of the pizza so good. No, thank you. I like sleep. Cat does not. I must go now. Thank you again, Senor Grey Wolf. Goodbye, Pablo. If I guess you can get some sleep now. Yes? Yes, sir. What can we do for you? Good morning, gentlemen. I'm selling the best cure on the market for back aches and sore muscles. Oh, there, mister. What's the matter? Can you hear the ginger sound asleep in that chair? Yeah, I see him. But what's that got to do with me? Does he need some liniment? Far from it, mister. Here, take this bottle of... Well, what'll you do for back aches from now on? We soak backs in hot water like we should do in first place. Yes, sir. Thank you. Goodbye. Needless to say, that's the last we ever saw of that salesman and also of Pablo and his tame cougar. Grey Wolf got his sleep and when he woke up, he was once more a quiet and reserved human being and stumpy. Now he soaks his muscular aches and pains in a tub full of hot water. Not liniment. Well, see you next week for more adventure with... Will came to you transcribed from the studios of the Mooney Bible Institute in Chicago.