 the under 21 convention Orlando Florida 2016 guys this is an amazing speaker manion for a real treat because not only is he the founder of the legendary life podcast and a good friend of mine awesome awesome guy elite level personal trainer but he's a guy that has influenced now so many men with his story you know his connection and dedication to men and women and dedication to moving men to be their ideal self this is Ted rice thank you so much Steve for that great intro and let me just say it's a pleasure and honor to be here today to be speaking to a group of men who are here to step up their game while your friends are off playing video games and being hungover from the night before you're here to become you're the best version of yourself and I want to salute you for that so today I'm here to talk about how to overcome any obstacle or any adversity that you ever face in your life and I know that's a strong statement to make you may be wondering who this bearded balding meathead looking guy is up on stage to be making such a claim and as Steve said my name is Ted rice I've been a health and fitness professional for the past 17 years in Miami Beach Florida I've worked with guys like Richard Branson Robert Downey Jr. Ricky Martin most of my current clients are CEOs of multimillion dollar companies very successful individuals of whom I have the pleasure of working with I'm also a professional speaker and consultant and I have a top-ranked podcast like Steve mentioned called legendary life where I've been able to sit down one-on-one and speak to some of the top thought leaders experts best-selling authors and more and to help them get their message out to raise the consciousness of what we get in the media and I consider myself very grateful and very blessed to be able to do what I do for work as well as all the opportunities that continue to come my way but I'll tell you my secret to success is probably not what you think because the truth is I'm just an ordinary guy I was born with no special skills no special talents in fact my secret is that I've had to work very hard for everything that I've accomplished my story is actually one of overcoming tragedy when I was 14 years old my mother died in a car accident at least that's what I tell people when they ask me what about my mother but the truth is that she was very mentally ill to the fact that my father had to divorce her when I was four years old had to take me and my little sister away from my mother because of the severity of her mental illness and that car accident that she was in wasn't just a lose control and die in a car crash she ran a police roadblock late at night slammed into a tree and died instantly more like a suicide than a car accident although I'll never know what was going through mind at that time and when I heard of the details of what had happened and how she died not only was I full of anger full of sadness I was also full of guilt because my sister and I we shared every other weekend with my mother we lived with my father my step mom but every other weekend we would go over to my mother's house spend time with her but that weekend I didn't want to go I just needed a break watching her struggle just to get through the day because of her mental illness I just needed a break from it and so when she died in that accident I felt responsible for it so when I went into high school it wasn't paying attention in class to get good grades so I could get into a good university so I could get a good job afterward no no it's full-on rage mode I ran with a tough crowd used drugs and alcohol skipped a lot of school got in trouble with the law most of my friends were in dropout prevention but me they had a special class for severely emotionally disturbed that was a special class I was put in in high school just so they were like oh this guy has good test scores but he's just a mess and so they put me in that class to hopefully get me through high school and I can't say that that wasn't an accurate description of my mental state at that time however I did make it through when I got into college something happened I started to move out of the darkness of my mother's death I started to enjoy the freedom of being able to choose what classes that I wanted to study choose the direction I was in control my life finally and I wanted to study neuroscience because I was fascinated about how my mother's mental illness how her brain was more in control of her than the other way around and by my own struggles and how sometimes I fell out of control and I thought it would be great started getting straight A's in school for the first time in my life unfortunately the winning streak wouldn't last long because when I was 19 just a couple months before my 20th birthday my nine-year-old brother Jimmy went missing and because of who my father and my stepmother were two successful attorneys upper middle class and just working their way up nothing but good going for them so it seemed it became big news it became national news in fact they went on to meet with Bill Clinton to get a law passed to help to allow missing children's posters to be posted in federal buildings because up until that time they wouldn't allow missing children's posters in federal buildings and what I was going through during that time was just a mess the FBI got involved as they do with every missing children's case I was interrogated I felt like my rights were violated even though of course that's what they needed to do and that's what they did with my entire family and all the while no son of Jimmy no word of what had happened leads were coming in from all over the country because of the exposure but nothing was leading to any information about is where he was or how he was doing in fact psychic started giving information and we would listen because although we didn't believe in it we were desperate where we would try anything the weeks turn into months and after three months although it seemed like three years with the stress the sleepless nights we finally found out what had happened to my brother he was kidnapped that day walking home from school he was taken to a trailer not too far away from where my parents lived he was sexually assaulted and eventually murdered as he tried to escape after enduring hours of torture and abuse and when I heard the details of the killer's confession because they did catch the individual who did it words can't describe the emotional feelings that I felt but broken would be an accurate description and that's exactly how I felt broken not just emotionally but physically I stopped taking care of myself financially I was broke and spiritually I didn't know what to believe about people anymore about the world anymore and all those dreams I had about being a neuroscientist and making a big difference and helping people get more and control themselves all that was ripped away from me and I didn't know what to do anymore I dropped out of school I couldn't focus and lectures and textbooks when I experienced something so deeply and intensely emotional seemed like a joke and I bounced around from job to job and that went on for a while until I hit bottom I don't I didn't feel like I could go any lower and I needed to do something and after bouncing around trying different things most of which were unsuccessful not leading to any happiness at all I bought by pure serendipity I found myself in the fitness business when I was 22 years old what I say is that fitness saved my life and what I tell people is that health and fitness form the foundation for success in your life and for me it was a lot more than just building muscles and bulging biceps and abs that stuff's great but it was about taking responsibility was about claiming power over myself over how I felt and one of the most important lessons I learned was that I could be feeling terrible I could go ahead and work out and I felt better and you know what nothing externally changed it was all internal it's a powerful lesson and that's that's how I started to learn the power of physiology the power that our bodies have over us because we are living in biological machines and there's certain rules that this machine follows if you want it to work the best if you want to feel your best and not only was I able to do that for myself but I was able to do it for others and it became a living it was amazing and finally I felt like I was on top of the world I felt this is awesome I had a way to make money I had a way to heal myself to help myself but also to help others and that's when I went on to meet all those people and develop a business and being in Miami Beach it was an amazing time in the late 90s early 2000s and you know I was able to also build my change my body completely from that pale skinny unhealthy person that I became after dealing with the tragedy of my brother's death and go on to that's me I know it's a little too much picture there and some people on my Facebook when I posted that picture mentioned but I also live the Miami Beach dream I was training restaurant owners and club club owners who was all VIP all the time it was it was a blast and it wasn't all good because there were some down moments especially business wise especially relationship wise as you heard Anthony talk about his experience I mean there's some really crazy people that you come across in that type of environment in the party life but it was a night and day change from what I had come through what through what I've been through and I would I felt like this is awesome unfortunately though the story of tragedy didn't end with my brother in 2012 just a couple of days before New Year's Eve I got a call from one of my sister's friends they told me that they have found my sister in the bathroom of the house she was staying in face down covered in blood with the pistol laying next to her she had decided that life was no longer worth living and when I heard that I was like oh my gosh how can one person how can one family because it wasn't just me deal with so much how could all this happen but I started to shift my perspective after a while I started to embrace the lessons that I learned from diversity through the tragedy that I've been through and what I tell people now when they ask me Ted you've been through so much how do you how do you stay so positive how are you able to make such a difference in other people's lives I say I've learned a lot of lessons and I will share with you some of the top lessons today what I think is important not just to get through adversity but to live your best life but also I want to share with you the biggest lesson that I learned and that is we all have just one life we are only here once there is no second chance there are no do-overs and all those moments you've been alive even though most of you are very young our precious moments that you'll never get back and this is a time in our glass of your life they're always running out so I want to tell you that my big reminder that is my big reminder when people ask me about what I learned from those experiences my brother my sister my mother they remind me that anytime that I'm feeling down not a hundred percent that my time is limited and if I want to do what I feel like I'm here to do I need to get moving and I shouldn't stay down one second longer than I need to and that's my story but I want to ask you what's your reminder it's a powerful story I a lot of people tell me that but we all have a story you all have a story maybe it's coming from a dysfunctional home maybe it's struggling in school not thinking that you're living up to the expectations of society or your parents maybe it's something completely different and most of the time as men we front pretend I'm good man good doing well everything's awesome we don't talk about those experiences but we all have them we all have been securities we all have the fear we all have the pressure we all have our stories and most of the time like I said we all push them down but I'm gonna ask you now to open up to those stories and let that experience whatever it is for you in your life create a sense of urgency to do what it is that you feel like you're here to do because at the end of the day life is not about finding yourself life is about creating yourself and it doesn't matter those external circumstances you take what you've got genetically home wise and you run with it you play the hand that you were dealt and now I want to talk about some ways that you can create yourself that I think you should create yourself and the first one is master your health and already talked about that how you can be feeling down then hit a workout and you feel better nothing else has changed that's a way to master your physiology so is meditation someone asked about that and someone else's presentation an amazing technology for creating a different version of yourself that is more in control more focused on what you want to do in your life and I'll tell you some people feel bad for me when they hear my story man that's a lot of tragedy feel so bad for you don't because there are people without that story who are depressed who are not living the life that they really want to live they don't have any major tragedy they don't have any big story but yet they feel so bad and what I want to tell you is the first step to overcoming anything is taking care of your health because when you learn to master your health you'll learn to master yourself it's critical and some people don't know where to start with this whole journey I see some of you are in shape you're on this path of mastery through physical culture and that's awesome some of you I'm not so sure about and some of you watching it online I know it can be confusing especially as Drew mentioned in his talk with all the confusing people saying one thing versus another but what I want to tell you to do is to focus on the basics do you drink water when you wake up in the morning do you drink water with every meal that you have do you lift weights whether you do high intensity training which I don't personally do I like gymnastics strength training because it's a bit different I'll talk about that later a little bit up do you do some type of strength training are you an active person or do you go hit the gym and sit on your butt and play video games and watch TV and YouTube and Facebook are you out there being more active do you sleep well do you sleep long enough those are all the basics that you start with the next thing is master your mindset and when I think about mindset I really like the way that Carol dweck breaks it down with her fixed mindset versus growth mindset in case you're not familiar with it fixed mindset people they're the type of people who think I am naturally blessed and when I do something and it goes my way it's because I'm so awesome it works until you run up against something that you're not so good at then what happens oh man maybe I'm not so blessed after all maybe I'm not as awesome as I thought you know I'm just gonna stay away from this thing that I'm not good at and so they avoid challenge and they take failure personally growth mindset people they realize the big secret the big secret is that everything is learnable everything is a skill and no matter who you are what your genetics are what your home life was what doesn't matter if you put effort in time you will get better period maybe you'll be world-class or maybe you won't be but you will get better and these types of people they view failure as just oh learning experience that I tried something it didn't work well I'm gonna have to try something different they don't take it personally I don't want you to take any of that personally because it's all a learning experience and here's some brain imaging of the fixed mindset versus growth mindset because it isn't just a cool idea the fixed mindset person what's going on they try to challenge they shut down I'm not I don't know how to do this I'm done I give up growth mindset person what's happening that brain is working it's rewiring path creating new neural pathways or you know obviously I never didn't become a neuroscientist but it it's starting to change it's starting to learn skills and our brain is plastic in fact oops our brain is plastic it's called neuroplasticity it means that the habits that you do create who you are a lot of us make identity statements so I'm not the type of person who wakes up early or goes to the gym those are just habits coming home downing a six-pack and playing video games is also a habit and while it may be hard to change habits you can do it it's simply a matter of putting the effort in and get a little carried away with the clicker there so you want to achieve more but you procrastinate and and I think a lot of you here you're past that point because you had to overcome a lot of resistance to get here right you had to pay money you had to fly or drive that's a big deal but you watching at home I'm not so sure about because you should have been here or you should have been at some event because that's what really matters as Steve said in his presentation it's really about us getting up here gives you guys an excuse to come congregate meet each other realize that you're not alone that there are a lot of you on the same path so growth mindset fix mindset the truth is that all of us are a combination of the two and I'll tell you a story I was very growth mindset oriented when I came to my body like building my body and learning how to do that I was like I'm gonna figure this out I got this but when it came to the business side of things marketing sales all that I was very fixed mindset I sucked at it wasn't good at it I didn't want to learn it wasn't interested in it so I want you to ask yourself anytime you come up against an obstacle something that's hard are you applying that growth mindset are you looking at it as a challenge well a little bit later we'll talk about which challenges you should take versus which ones you shouldn't because you shouldn't just take any challenge that comes your way align with your purpose sounds a little woo-woo but it's not and it can help you make better choices whenever you're faced with a decision of to do something or not right now I'm aligned with my purpose I'm up here sharing a message with you a bunch of awesome individuals and the secret behind aligning with your purpose comes down to is beautifully summed up in this statement when we work hard on something we believe in it's called passion when we work hard on something we don't believe in it's called stress that's by Simon Sinek and Simon Sinek wrote a book called start with why and in that book he argues that it's not what you do it's not how you do it but it's why you do things and it's not airy-fairy it's not metaphysical it's biological it's because we need to be emotionally connected to what we do like Drew is talking about if you're if you're just trying to get abs or lose weight that's not a very strong why when it comes to staying on the path the physical exercise physical excellence when you're tired you don't want to work out your muscles are already sore or you've been out the night before whatever it is to get you through and you can ask a very simple statement with anything that comes your way in your life everything is either a hell yes or a hell no and don't take this the wrong way because you could say you know what driving the speed limit that's a hell no I'm gonna go 90 everywhere from now on that's not what I'm talking about or saying you know what I'm done paying my taxes that's a hell no I'm talking about the bigger picture things what you're studying in school is that a hell yes or a hell no what you plan to do with your life after school are you living your parents idea of what you should do society's idea of what you should do or is it a hell yes for you and if it's not consider doing something different or the relationships that you're in are you in a relationship with a woman or in with friends that you really don't need to be in that you're just doing it out of convenience is it a hell yes or hell no very simple yet powerful binary approach to living a better life and I don't think you may not know your why a lot of you are in your teens your 20s and that's cool because I didn't know my wife for a long time I'm 39 years old I've been through a lot I've had a lot of time to think about this and figure it out and if you're in that situation keep on the path like you're doing right now for you at home watching online you know next time make it out to an event instead of watching it online there's just something about being here that you'll never be able to recapture watching it online and your why will change when I first started out like I told you being a personal trainer that was a hell yes you kidding me but now it's just okay this is a hell yes sharing this message up on here and all the other places that I speak with so be cool with your why evolving and being able to adapt with how you change over time because you will grow especially you in this room you're on your personal development journey you'll meet people who are the same after ten years but not you if you stay on this path you'll change a lot and some people just don't care and you know what I don't think that's anybody in this room or else you wouldn't be here but if you're watching the line you're saying you don't care you don't have to you don't have to have passion in life but we have consequences to our actions and if you don't have passion in your relationships expect a mediocre relationship if you don't have passion with your business or career or job expect a mediocre expect mediocre results in that area of your life but you don't have to do anything but certain things lead to better results than others next take smart risks risk is such a negative connotation in our society it's such a negative word right has negative connotations to it but I want to suggest you taking risks is what leads to more happiness it's what helped me get out of some really bad mental states bad ruts and I want to read to you a quote from a guy who beautifully sums this up it's from a guy named me hi chick sent me high and he said the best moments in our lives are not the passive receptor relaxing times the best moments usually occur for persons body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile it's a powerful statement because too many of us think that you know it's cool just gonna sit on the couch play a little video games watch some TV oh I don't want to take any risks I might fail what will people think of me you know it goes back to that fixed mindset versus growth mindset and another powerful thing we'll talk about in a bit but something that's really cool me hi chick sent me hi was a psychologist and he studied this state called flow states and flow states are defined as being an optimal state of a of being where you feel your best and you perform your best and if you've ever played a sport and been in the zone if you've ever lost yourself in a conversation like this weekend talking to like-minded individuals or if you ever just zoned in on one of the speakers you know what a flow state is however he found that most people don't spend much time in flow states so he wanted to change that he reversed engineering came up came up with what I think is one of the most powerful concepts which is what you're seeing now it's called the skills challenge ratio and as you can see it's it's a little complicated but it's fairly simple and it take any area of your life talking to women working out growing a business doesn't matter what it is when your skill level is high and your challenge is low you're bored and you you probably all know people like that they started out with a fire in their belly they went after things and their skill level got high but the challenge either stayed the same or it got a lot lower they hit that rut conversely you know probably no people who have very low level of skill and the challenge is so high that they're feeling like they're going underwater they're full of stress they're full of anxiety but there are people who figure it out that you need the right amount of challenge for your skill level and when that happens and you do it the right way you'll hit that flow zone and that's where the biggest breakthroughs come from and I don't have a lot of time to go into it if you want to ask questions about it we can talk more about it later but I want to suggest that this flow zone is also the take smart risks zone that's how you know which risk is right for you is it aligned with your purpose yes but also is it the right amount of challenge because I'll tell you speaking at this event I wouldn't have been able to do this two years ago would have been the challenge would have been too high especially I was asked two weeks beforehand I like to practice three to four weeks beforehand but I did it because I felt the challenge was right in fact it was a good challenge I got to step up my game I'll do it so in your life make sure you're taking the right challenges you're challenging yourself at the right amount don't let anybody crush you with challenge make sure that it's at the right level also make sure you're pushing yourself hard enough and well you know some people are afraid to take risks some people are take the failure to harden we already talked about that with the fixed mindset versus growth mindset but you just have to detach from it not outcome independent like some people have been talking about you just got to say hey well you know I'm not good at it yet and own it but you know that it's just a matter of time before you get better but taking smart risks is one of the keys to overcoming any bad situation any obstacle in your life circle of strength so important in fact that's in part why you're here to be surrounded by like minded individuals guys who've got your back guys were on the same path I talked to Max earlier and he was talking about how he felt all the guys he knew in his hometown they weren't they're not on this path they're not trying to get better they're not trying to figure out their purpose and follow that they're just living life and there's nothing wrong with that but you need to intentionally go out of your way to form alliances to be part of a community you got to get around individuals who have your back who have support for you and help push you forward people have already talked about the Jim Rohn quote which is great you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with Tony Robbins has another that you rise to the expectations of your peer group cool and you and you think there's something to that right like there's something to that now I want to tell you that there is in fact in his TED talk Dr. Nicholas Christakis did research showing how phenomena is diverse as obesity smoking emotions ideas germs altruism can spread through your social ties and forget about the genes part but it can spread through social ties and he found that even if your friends with someone who's really overweight that can have an impact he found even deeper than that if you if your friends with someone who has a friend who's really overweight that makes your chances more likely not just one thing it goes for all these other things as well so intentionally choose who you hang out with and if you're hanging out with guys we're like mom let's grab beer go watch the game eat some wings and some pizza and you know that's who you're gonna end up like more or less because it does what what our parents or at least my parents used to say like oh don't hang out with him he's a bad influence I used to think they were so full of crap right but it's true and it's become one of the things that I look back and say well they were right it's one of the most powerful powerful influences in your life are who you surround yourself with and you're surrounded with some awesome men in here so make sure you connect with them make sure you don't just let this end here right phone numbers Facebook's be a part of a community like Steve was talking about and some people don't have a lot of people in their support group in fact your parents may not support you your friends may not support you and I want to tell you again be more intentional with who you spend time with I'm ruthless I have a good relationship with my dad now but I didn't talk to him for ten years and it goes back to another story where you know there was some dysfunction growing up my family but I felt like he was a negative influence along with my stepmother because of alcoholism and some other things I didn't talk to that's how much I live this and how much I think it's important for you to live it as well and that saying that blood is thicker than water choose your friends you be the creator of your life and who's in it you choose you make the decisions the last one I want to talk about is be the hero of your own life and when I say hero I'm not talking about man I'm awesome the hero I don't mean that in the narcissistic way the self aggrandizing way we don't need any more of that right not at all and so what is a hero I think it's beautifully summed up by Joseph Campbell who said a hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself and this goes beyond just having your why because your why may be pretty selfish and that's okay but and that may be appropriate for you at your time how young you are you need to be selfish you need to work on yourself but eventually you need to think about something bigger than yourself and there's a whole list of biological reasons because when you do nice things for people it creates oxytocin and you feel less stressed and that's part of the beauty of having a circle of strength people you can help out people who look after you as well because the people you do nice things for release oxytocin as well us Joseph Campbell he is the world-famous mythologist in case you don't know and what he did was he looked at a bunch of different cultures the mythologies from different cultures and he found that no matter where you were in the world at least the myth that he looked at there were common themes in fact the heroes of stories from all these different cultures that in some cases existed at different times had a lot of similarities and I know there's 12 things here but I want you to focus on the big parts part one call to adventure part two initiation part three transformation part four the return home and the first one the call to adventure call to him call to adventure isn't what you think it is it's not your buddies hey man let's go out at night let's go play you know let's go to the club let's talk to some girls drink some drinks listen to some house music it's not the call to adventure the call to adventure usually I like it usually shows up as something that you don't want to do thinks Luke Skywalker saying no to Ben Kenobi saying that he needs to stay for the harvest until his family his uncle and his Anna murdered and finally he answers the call and that was my situation with the negative events in my life with my mother with my brother my sister and it will show up in your life in a different way in your own way and when you come up against that adversity that obstacle is I want to suggest you that's a really a call to adventure to become so indifferent to go through the initiation because that you will suffer through trials and tribulations on your path to doing whatever it is that you want to do if you're really going to go for it in life and you will be transformed by it too I stand up here as not the same person as I was before all those events before I went on that path and lastly bring something back don't just think about yourself think about your family think about your community think about your country whatever it is whoever it is that you want to give back to and there's a great a great quote the best the only thing that one artist can do for another is to serve it as an example and inspiration and that's by Steven Pressfield and Steven Pressfield is an author he wrote Gates of Fire I highly suggest you read that book it's about the battle at Thermopylae about the 300 Spartans that fought to the death he also wrote a book called the War of Art and in it he shared his personal experience and in it he says this and I want you to substitute artists for man in the best and only thing that one man can do for another is to serve as an example and an inspiration and when people aren't people are telling you you can't get through something you can't do something and you go out and do it you make sure that you let other people know it's possible by your existence by sharing your story by bringing something back and here's a few people who've overcome great adversity and went on to do something great Richard Branson whom whom I've had the pleasure of meeting and working with he was not a good student he had dyslexia he had big business problems too which a lot of people don't realize changing from a dying industry with the record industry and going into a very tough industry the airline industry but he succeeded through it and he's a person that embodies these qualities that we're talking about here and he lives for a higher purpose he wants to change the world and whether you agree with what the way he does it with what his beliefs are it's irrelevant he's a person who's on this path and living it another one Albert Einstein I remember in grade school always seeing Albert Einstein in my elementary classes he was up on the wall and teachers love to talk about him but what they don't tell you is he is not a product of formal education he flunked out he did not do well in school he was laughed at it was not a good time for Albert and all those things he went on to do started with him working as a patent clerk after leaving school after leaving academia and he went on to become the most famous physicist of all time in fact you all know his name can you name another physicist there you go one other one Neil DeCrasse is like the new there you go so we have three out two others but in a non-sexy career path in a non-sexy at least not sexy today we all still remember Albert and I wouldn't be able to go on to do what I did if I hadn't have embraced the call to adventure that showed up in my life is tragedy obstacles adversity hardship depression and let's talk about the most important person here which is you we all have a story we all have a journey we're all on a journey and I want to ask you will you embrace the call to adventure when it comes will you go through the process of initiation will you let it transform you and will you come back and bring something back for others to either serve as an example or to educate others to make a difference and if you do you that what type of difference could you make in your life in your family's life in the community that you live in in the country that you live in or even the world thank you could you talk a little bit about gymnastics training you said you're gonna go into that a little bit sure yeah it's very different than than what drew was talking about or many other ways of approaching physical culture physical development and yeah it's a way if you go back to the the the skills challenge ratio it's a more athletic way of approaching exercise did you have a specific question about it or just I don't know whatever you have to say about it yeah I I think it's a way drew made some great points about exercise and I think they're very valid but I also think there are other valid ways to approach exercise even though I'm a hundred percent with him on the stress recovery idea but if you look at a gymnast they don't work out to get big buys man or you know my quads look at my fastest media Alice looks a little small bro really need to do those you know it's not like that they go in there to master skills and as a result they have a very strong powerful and muscular body so as a resource I can give you gymnastic bodies calm is I think the top guy however that's not like getting your black belt in Muay Thai which probably takes a couple years it's more like getting your black belt Brazilian jiu-jitsu which takes like nine or ten years but it's it's an amazing journey and it gets you into that flow because there's this danger involved when you're doing a handstand or doing some of the other exercises hey man thank you for your talk could you talk a little bit more about getting in the flow state staying there for me personally exercise is a big one I know that if I start my day like that then it's usually upheld from there but like or down now I should but no upheld it's good it's good is what it is but yeah just staying in the flow state like being at peak performance sure how to get there or yeah how to get there and stay there I think that's the big question and I don't know if I'm the one to really answer that but I will tell you what I do know and at first I never even knew there was a name for flow all I knew which I didn't mention is I've been doing Brazilian jiu-jitsu for a long time I got a brown belt I'll probably never get my black belt at the rate I'm going now because of my injuries but I felt like I was in flow but I also felt that when I played music when I played in a band and I also felt it when I did some other things and I didn't even know there was a word for it so it really is about finding the the triggers for you there's something called the flow cycle which is the process that you go through getting into flow there are flow triggers which are more what you're talking about you can't stay in flow because what the research shows and I'm no expert on this but it's a dump of neurotransmitters and hormones all at the same time that give you that in the zone feeling that is metabolically expensive to do so you can't stay there and if you read the book rise of Superman which you should totally read by Steven Kotler he goes into that and he uses extreme athletes as the model and those guys he credits flow states with them being able to do what they do because if we look at sports right like basketball conventional sports ain't a lot going on there's just some big powerful genetically gifted individuals doing their thing with more rules imposed on them every year however in extreme sports guys are breaking world records on the regular doing amazing stunts that we thought were impossible so check out that book but also for the flow triggers what I can tell you is that there's environmental flow triggers there are physical flow triggers you have to find out what does it for you and exercise you said helps do that absolutely look for more challenging ways of exercise because I don't know how much a flow state you get from just doing bicep curls in the mirror however if you do a handstand if you're working on going from like a l-sit to a handstand on some parallettes now that's something different right there's danger involved you could hurt yourself doing this you know or bench press that's why I don't do that stuff it's just it's boring to me so look at that also traveling because you take yourself and put yourself in a novel environment so make sure you travel me didn't you feel it a little bit while you were here right like at first you're a little like oh man who are gonna who are these guys gonna be or who's gonna be talking so put yourself in novel situations that challenge you socially challenge yourself physically it's what I would say could you tell us a story of how you built your business you've got some some big names on your on your website and people you've coached could you maybe tell us how you met those folks did you go to door did you knew somebody that knows somebody how did all that get started for you the celebrity the celebrities okay all right rule number one move to a place that has celebrities that live in it or frequent it I live in Miami Beach if you live in I don't know Miami Ohio you're probably not gonna have the same opportunities right so that's number one but beyond that I'll tell you become the type of person that attracts those types of people because they didn't get in and I'll tell you what I mean by that sure you got to be an expert at what you do but also they asked me to train what Ricky's Ricky's manager met me in the gym and asked me hey I have a famous artist that I want you to train like are you interested he it was he didn't even tell me who it was and there was this process of getting there and being the type of person that they could trust that wouldn't sell their information or snap pictures and selling the schemes here whatever those people worry about also with Richard I mean I trained it's about creating your networks I trained a guy who has a luxury salon in Miami Beach who knows the niece of Joan Branson I met her and trained her then I trained Joan eventually met Richard so it's through creating these networks and by by becoming the type of person with integrity trustworthy you know and I'm not talking about being a nice guy either because I'm not so nice at times but people know that they know where they stand with me they know that they can trust me and you know they're they know that I'm not gonna do something shady so that's what I would say but it only works if you're in a place with those types of people how are you a personal trainer by the way okay yeah so Steve made some comments earlier about how going back to the sexual world real quick where moments starting to get hot you got a girl back in back in your room and all of a sudden your rational brain just it turns off it's this is game on this is the only thing I could think about condoms whatever it's this is game how from the opposite side of that when your mother is killed when your brother is killed and then your sister kills herself how like when those times how do you not put yourself in in a situation I guess what I want to say is it sound like your sister succumbed to the previous two incidents and how do you use your rational brain in in those instances yeah great question and I would tell you that it goes back to what I said about mastering your physiology it's a great question by the way especially when you mention my sister seemed to succumb to it versus me and she we didn't share the same mindset it's big it's a huge deal we didn't share the same level of care self-care when it came to physical health and I don't think everybody needs to do that but you have to do what works for you and for me I needed to focus on it a lot so I look like I have it all together but it's because I've created it that way and but you also have to go through the grieving process and you also have to feel the emotions fortunately I was never brought up with a dad who is like rule the dog cry you know it's complete BS you know guys are weak is and not fully grown men in my opinion so I was allowed to feel my feelings and do what I felt was right and I just kind of you know I kind of went through it but just go back to that mastering your health what you're talking about let me finish up by saying what you're really what I hear you talking about in a physiological kind of cold and emotionally detached way is how do you reduce the stress level so you can think straight and it comes back to that meditation headspace app is awesome I'm not a guy who's like I'm just gonna sit and meditate I'm not like that right headspace it's an app it's a great program they give you like 10 days free it's a little weird but it's only 10 minutes and if you go through it you feel different afterward that's a technology you can use to lower stress exercise is another way there's also supplements you can take magnesium is a supplement I like to take oral magnesium as well as topical magnesium that's a way to change your physiology to get rid of the stress chemicals the catecholamines that are coursing through your body that are making you feel like ah you know like so stressed in and there's so that's another way also making sure you get good quality sleep as well sleep is huge in fact in October I'll be doing a whole talk on on sleep so that's what I would say your story of overcoming your journey is it's amazing far less have not overcome far less or far more have not overcome far less I'm interested in your comment of what you can share with maybe one individual more that maybe sitting here saying oh yeah well that worked for you you're but you don't know my situation and I'm gonna go home to my situation is there a few highlights a few points of what we could do what someone could do when they go home and they leave the energy of this event and they leave the energy of this social support and now they're back in their journey Michael thank you so much for saying that although I don't like to make I share this story because he gets people's attention I don't like to again it's not about self-aggrandizement or narcissism for me but it's a fantastic question so you're here you're feeling awesome you're like whoa but I heard your story and I'm gonna go back to my house and it ain't gonna be cool and what I would tell you is make a list an action list the top three things that you're gonna do when you get back home to start taking control of your situation maybe you're already working out and you're like man I work out and it works a little bit but then but then I'm back in the same situation and I don't it's a very general question but I will say this if you're going back to a situation where you're surrounded by parents who in spite of their love for you and care for you are kind of messing you up kind of being in your way then you need to take yourself out of that environment I would say environment is huge the people you hang around with is huge and you may not even be able to focus on all the other stuff if you're in a bad environment get out of that but make an action plan maybe maybe that's not the right one for you either make an action plan and ensure that you do it and get an accountability buddy you know some people laugh at that idea but that's I train guys who are worth hundreds of millions of dollars and I'm their accountability buddy because they go and crush it in business but they they're not crushing it with their physical health we can all use someone to hold this accountable joining a community like Steve mentioned is another way people that you can talk to people that have your back make make a list have someone hold you accountable for it and take action hey so one of the speakers had mentioned accountability also and having an accountability buddy or friend where like you set up a goal and if you don't meet it then there's some price to pay or some kind of associated just like something but like what are tools that you use other other things to keep your friends and your the people that you mentor accountable the only coaching that I do is health and fitness I don't do like you know dating or I don't really do men's coach or anything like that I do health and fitness coaching and in that way I use an app and I make sure we're in contact so I don't know if it's super relevant to you but I I have people signed up to this app where they have to report on what they do and I see what they do and either they're not doing what they're supposed to be doing or they're not logging it and I get on their case about it and say hey what's up I see your numbers are down I see you haven't gotten your 10,000 steps in what's going on and that's one way you know being setting a regular date where you talk to someone setting up a meeting where you talk to someone is another way meet every two weeks hey here are your goals how are you doing with them oh man I haven't taken action well why not and then I'll be honest some people aren't ready yet Steven Pressfield that book War of Art when I was trying to build my business I mean I did well but I was trying to take it to the next level and I was so frustrated but I wouldn't do the things I knew I needed to do I didn't study market I just couldn't bring myself to do it so I put in the War of Art and listen to it over and over and over and over again until I finally got pummeled by his message so badly that I was finally inspired into action and you know there's I do a podcast it's about that there's some other great podcast Steve has a great podcast but find something where you can regularly motivate yourself that's what I would say so you went from being a personal trainer to professional speaker podcaster what was that like that's the dream of a lot of guys like how can I have my own podcast blog and it was I feel a big transition career-wise for you so what how did that work how long have you been doing it and what are some things to for guys to keep in mind sure and I'm not fully out of personal training I still do it but it's at a different level now it's a side of my business and my main focus is speaking and it started with podcasting it started with me having a message and a mission because if you're just out there you're like man how can I get people to buy some shit you know oh that's not gonna work a lot of people right but people do it all the time you're like hey man come on you know you got to have a mission you got to have a message and you got to share that message in a way that connects with people and I just had a man I've been doing health and fitness for 17 years I have a lot of education on I also have a lot of experience in it and a lot of opinions on it as well and I wanted a medium where I could share that and reach more people and you can blog and I'm a decent writer believe it or not but it takes me forever to write one article and although I used to be a really kind of shy awkward dude believe it or not some people don't think that but it still even comes out at sometimes you know I just felt interviewing people was the way to do it and by the way that's a huge way of not only increasing your network like we talked about earlier but developing your communication skills and it's changed my life and as far as the speaker well I was speaking on the podcast I got better at it but also I took improv acting classes I took toast masters I offered to give speeches I got a toast masters man in the back all right and I did what it took and I took public I paid money to go to courses I took a public speaking course and then I started putting it out there I started saying hey I'm a professional speaker this is what I do and I did my first keynote this year in April so and I have a lot of other opportunities coming up this year and next year so it's and it's a time it takes time it takes a lot of work but yeah it's about following that process striving for excellence but also like what I said about being the hero having a message that serves other people not just yourself hey man you have a great-looking slideshow I was wondering do you have a background in design or anything like that or do you hire someone yeah you know thanks I'm pretty awesome and yeah I didn't put it together Giselle is the other half here you just made her entire month so yeah and that's another thing I wouldn't be able to do that I would not be good at it and you know partnering up with someone getting someone to do that and Giselle and I were partners in more than one ways and she handles the marketing side and we do this together we share the business and you know she does what she's great at and I do what I'm great at right let's give it up for 10 rice