 Ladies and gentlemen, Colgate Dental Cream presents the Dennis Day Show, written by Frank Galen. With Paula Winslow, Dink Trout, John Brown, Charles Dant in the orchestra, yours truly, Vern Smith, and starring our popular young singer in A Day in the Life of Dennis Day. Twice a day and before every date, use Colgate Dental Cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth. Here's Dennis to sing. Seated in a small cafe. Do I like anyone I don't don? In each I am done like. I don't like anything that's good for me. Very unconventional. Do I care? I think I am strange. It is intentional. I think that I don't even like myself. Maybe silly, but it's true. Baby, you're the one exception I do. Colgate Dental Cream cleans your breath while it cleans your teeth. No other toothpaste does a better job of cleaning your teeth than Colgate Dental Cream. For Colgate Dental Cream has a safe polishing agent that cleans your teeth both gently and thoroughly. Brings out their natural sparkle and beauty. And scientific tests prove that Colgate Dental Cream cleans your breath while it cleans your teeth. Yes, actual scientific tests prove conclusively that in seven out of ten cases, Colgate Dental Cream instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. Colgate Dental Cream is famous for its wonderful wake-up flavor too. Nationwide tests of leading toothpaste prove that Colgate Dental Cream is preferred for flavor over other brands tested. So try Colgate Dental Cream to bring out the natural sparkle and beauty of your teeth. For a wake-up flavor you'll thoroughly enjoy. And use Colgate Dental Cream twice a day and before every date to clean your breath while you clean your teeth. Well, April is awfully early in the year to be talking about summer vacations and besides, Dennis Day has been working in Willoughby's drug store for only seven months. So imagine our young hero's surprise and delight when last night Mr. Willoughby offered him a summer vacation with pay. In fact, Dennis was so happy about it that he brought up the subject again the first thing this morning. Gee, Mr. Willoughby, I thought all night long about my summer vacation. Did you, Dennis? Yes, sir. It's just wonderful of you to give me one when I've only been here such a short time and I can't tell you how I'm looking forward to it. Good. I just know it'll be the nicest day of my whole life. And you're grateful, my boy, because there's a favor you could do for me in return. A problem has suddenly come into my life and I want your help. A difficult problem? I'm coming to you with it, Dennis. Gee, practically hopeless, huh? Well, just possibly not. It concerns my own vacation, son. You see, my wife's old maid's sister wants to take the Mrs. and me with her on an ocean cruise to the West Indies. Boy, on a boat? Yes, she feels safer on one when she's in the middle of the ocean. However, I remembered my last sea trip. The third day out, I couldn't leave the cabin. I couldn't stand the sight of food. My face had turned green and I wished I were dead. Oh, you may have been seasick. It's very possible. So I told my wife in no uncertain terms that I positively wouldn't go. She argued with me, of course, but not for very long, you understand? Yes, sir. When do you sail? June 14th. And now you want to get out of this cruise some way, huh? That is my problem, my boy. Any ideas? Well, let's see now. I read a book one time where a fellow went on a hunger strike because he didn't want to do something he was being forced to do. Sounds a trifle drastic. Did it succeed? Oh, sure. He never had to do it. He starved to death. I don't think I care for that one. Might be kind of a hollow victory, huh? You know, it's amazing how I can come to you with a problem and immediately you managed to shed complete darkness on it. Well, it was just an idea. I know, but luckily I have a much better one of my own. Remember that imitation you do of an old man? Oh, you mean, howdy, bub. That's right. Now, can you tell me, Now, can you do that imitation only make him a seafaring man? Sure. A vast area, lovers, batting down the mizzen mass to nook sharp or I'll hit you with the bilge. That's fine. In the lifeboat, your freezing north-east is blowing off the starboard port, all hands in pockets. Come on, get on your feet, you ain't that pooped? Now, here's what I want you to do. Come over to my house disguised as the shipper of the ship where to sail on. Tell my sister-in-law all about your boat and make it sound so horrible she'll give up the idea of a cruise immediately. Gee, that is a good idea. All right, and if it works, I'll give you our tickets and you can take the trip yourself. Why, you could even make it your honeymoon. Honeymoon? Gosh, Mr. Willoughby, do you mean it? Sure. And once more, I'll make you and Mildred a wedding present of a hundred dollars. Oh, boy, wait till I tell Mildred. Gee, I've always dreamed of going on a honeymoon someday. You know, with a girl. I daresay. Well, you practice up on your seafaring talk and I'll dig you up some kind of disguise. Yes, sir, you bet. All right, the engine room, full speed ahead. Raise the tucksle, lower the bottom soles, take in the middle soles. Break out the epsom and call me salty. I just can't believe it. Why, it means we can be married in a few months. That's right, Mildred. Have you asked permission from my parents yet? Well, no, but I will if I meet your mother on the street sometime. On the street? Well, why not here at home? Oh, gosh, no. I want to be outside where I can maneuver. Silly. Well, let's not worry about that now. Let's just sit here and think about us. Oh, Dennis. Mildred, you're holding my bare hand. Oh, what of it? We're going to be married, aren't we? Yeah, but let's not jump the gun. Don't be such an old stuffy. Why, you might even kiss me. Right in the face? Gosh, you are modern. No, Mildred, we're not even engaged yet. Oh, come on. No. For goodness sakes, Dennis. What are lips for? We all have our code, Mildred. I resolved long ago that until I was engaged, nothing would touch mine except a fork. Have it your way. I'm too happy to argue. Golly, I can hardly wait to make plans for the wedding. Yeah, there'll be a lot of things to think about. I'll have to get my trousseau. And I'll have to get my hope chest. Don't get hope chest, Dennis. Oh, they don't? My father certainly didn't get one when he married my mother. Yeah, but for me, there's some hope. I guess we'd better go into the living room and tell the folks the news, huh? Oh, no, Mildred, wait. Let's not tell your mother yet. After all, it's... You're scared. No, but why the hurry? Let's get married first and then break it to her. Say, after we have a few children, they'll help her to get used to the idea. And we're going to tell them both now. Come on. But Mildred, please. Mother? Daddy? Yes, Mildred? Yes, my dear. Wonderful news. See, Poopsie, I told you we'd hear something wonderful when I found that first four-leaf clover in the yard today. Oh, what is it, Mildred? Dennis and I are going to be married in two months. What? What? Really, Mildred? You and your four-leaf clovers. Oh, it isn't really definite yet, Mrs. Anderson. Mildred, I want you to go to your room. Your father and I want to have a little talk with Dennis. All right, mother. But I hope you won't oppose our marriage because our minds are made up. We're as good as married right now. Aren't we, Dennis? Yes, Poopsie. Mildred, go along now. Yes, mother. Sit down, Dennis. Now then, what have you to say for yourself? Why, nothing. My, he sounds more like a married man every minute. Quiet, Herbert. Dennis, have you thought over very carefully what it means to marry a woman? Oh, yes, ma'am. But there's very little else a fellow can marry. Wouldn't it be better, Dennis, if we were all absolutely certain that you were right for Mildred and she was right for you? What would you say to a cooling-off period of... well, ten years? Oh, no, ma'am. I'm sure Mildred and I are right for each other now. Yes, but don't you see... And may I say a word, Mr. Speaker? What is it? Well, there's a marriage clinic over in Middletown and there's business it is to find out whether people can marry compatibly. Now, why doesn't Dennis go over there for an interview? What? Well, that's an excellent idea. I'm rather pleased with you, Herbert. Oh, thank you, sugar-nose. Gee, Mrs. Anderson, a marriage clinic. I don't see... All they'll do is ask you a few questions, Dennis. You owe it to yourself and Mildred to find out whether you're suitably mated. But really, I... You're going, Dennis. Now look, Mrs. Anderson, suddenly comes in a man's life when he gets tired of being bossed around. The day when he rises up and revolts. See? Well... Well, I'd give anything if this was the day. Now, there's nothing to be afraid of, Mr. Day. Just remember that I am your marriage counselor and you must answer my questions frankly and honestly. Yes, ma'am. We'll soon know whether or not you're ready for marriage. Now, first, I want to know all about your parents. Why? They've already mated. I had assumed as much. But I'm trying to learn something of your background. Are your parents happy together? Oh, yes, ma'am. Very. And what are your relations toward your mother and father? In both cases, I'm their son. It's possible I phrased it wrong. I'm going to give you the benefit of a doubt I do not feel. Oh, thank you. Do you remember ever having any trouble with your brothers or sisters, Mr. Day? Oh, no, ma'am. Not at all. How can you be so sure without thinking? I haven't got any. Suppose we try a slightly different tack. Shall we? For heaven's sake? Okay. Do you feel yourself that you're ready for marriage, Mr. Day? That is, have you sewn all your wild oats? Oh, I never touch them. I'm a Wheaties man. Oh, shorthand and typing, you know. Oh, really? Yes. I can quit this anytime, get a job as a stenographer. But I'm stubborn. So, on with the questions, hmm? Yes, ma'am. Now, what was it that first attracted you to your fiancée? Well, I think it was because I'm a male and she's a female. I mean, what specifically was it her eyes, her mouth, her nose, her figure? Just name it and she's got it. Now we're getting somewhere and my, isn't it a nasty trip? Today, I have here a list of questions which are designed to show your maturity and ability to cope with adult marital problems. Shall we throw them away or shall we waste our time? You mean you don't want to ask me them? Why not? Let's have fun. First, do you believe in the double standard? What's that? It's a theory that there is a difference between the sexes. Well, I always thought that was more than a theory. Next question. Suppose you had an argument with your wife and she threatened to go home to her mother. What would you do? Letter. Letter? Letter? If she were her mother, you might not see her again. Sure I would. On my salary, who do you think we'll be living with? Next question. Suppose your five-year-old daughter came to you and said, Daddy? No, we'll forget that when no five-year-old child of yours could possibly talk yet. At the end of the questions, I mean, have you decided yet about my marriage? Yes, indeed. Do you want to make some girl very happy, Mr. Day? Oh, yes, ma'am. Then don't get married. Wait a little while, Mr. Day. You're too immature, too unsophisticated. But really, I... Mr. Day, I get all sorts of people in here. Young men like yourself and old maids of sixty, like the woman who was here before you and whom I advised to look for an elderly sea captain because she loves ocean travel so. But I don't want to marry an elderly sea captain. I have a girl. Don't marry her yet, Mr. Day. Wait. I know. I know everything about marriage there is to know. Well, OK. Thank you very much, Mrs. Parker, only it's not Mrs. It's Miss. Miss? You mean you're not... Certainly not. You think I'm crazy? Dennis, I'm glad you're back. Look, the skippers cost you. Isn't it a beauty? I'm sorry, Mr. Willoughby. The deal's off. Off? But you're honeymoon. Miss Parker down at the marriage clinic says I shouldn't get married. That I'm immature, incompetent, and unsuitable for a girl. Dennis, you're not going to listen to a lot of vicious truths, are you? Yes, sir. You'll have to get someone else to fool your sister-in-law, Mr. Willoughby. But Dennis, you can't take a word of some phony marriage counselor. Why, if I'd gone to a marriage clinic first, I might never have married my wife. And with a little time, I'm sure I could think of a good example. It's no use, Mr. Willoughby. I believe in Miss Parker, and I'm going to take her advice. You're not going to marry Mildred? Not yet. I must ripen first into a mature, suave, sophisticated man of the world. It could take weeks. All right, Dennis, if that's the way you feel, that's all there is to it. Better go back and clean up my office, my boy. It's pretty messy. Yes, sir. I'm sorry it ended like this, Mr. Willoughby. Well, desperate measures require desperate remedies. Oh, hello. Is this Mildred Anderson? This is Homer Willoughby, Dennis's boss. I'm calling about Dennis. He... Huh? Oh, you've heard. Well, that makes it easier. You see, I just thought of a little plot that you and I can pull on the boy to make him change his mind. Now, suppose you meet me on my corner in 15 minutes, and we'll settle this silly marriage clinic business once and for all. Oh, hello, Mr. Willoughby. Say, while you were out, Dr. Hopkins called and... Business! Who's got time for business, my boy? I'm in love! Huh? That's right. I'm hopelessly smitten. Gosh, who smote you? Well, when I heard about that Parker Marriage Clinic from you, I went over for a consultation. I met her there. We fell in love instantly. Carly, who is she? Well, she's... Oh, hello, Mildred. Say, guess what's happened to Mr... Homer, my darling. My dearest darling. I beg your pardon? Mildred, my angel. My love! Yours also I would like to beg. Come, Mildred, darling. Sit here at the soda fountain, and I'll sit beside you and look at you. Yes, and I'll look at you, Homer, dearest. You know, Mildred, I feel there's something strange between us. Don't you? Oh, yes, I do. It's me. I'm on the stool in the middle. Yes, we'd like to be alone. Mr. Willoughby, this is your girl. Take a tip from a younger, less intelligent man. It'll never work out. Oh, quiet, you. Ah, Mildred, my soulmate. Where have you been all my life? For about two-thirds of it, she wasn't even born yet. You're very annoying. Ms. Parker says that Homer and I are ideally suited to each other. Ms. Parker said that? She must be crazy. Ms. Parker doesn't make mistakes, Dennis. Kiss me, Mildred. Just a minute, Willoughby. You're not going to make love to my girl. Dennis, please, control yourself. I'm getting pretty riled up, Willoughby. And when I get riled up, my white corpse will start eating up my red ones, and my red ones start eating up whatever they can get their hands on. Leave me. I'm a mess inside. Oh, Dennis. Dennis, please, don't strike me. Please. Then leave my girl alone. This Parker woman is off her nut in your case, and I'll bet she's just as wrong about me, too. But Mildred shouldn't be your girl. You can't even offer her a honeymoon, Dennis. Oh, yes, I can. Just as soon as I talk your sister-in-law out of that boat trip. Good boy. Here's your costume. You've got to do it, Dennis, so you and I can be married. I repeat, huh? Quick, my boy. There's no time to lose. My sister-in-law's at my house right now. Come on. Okay. But I have the darnest feeling something just happened to me. And you two could be in trouble if I ever found out what it was. All right now, Dennis, just keep your nerve, and we can't miss. Well, I'll do my best, Mr. Willoughby. Do I really look like an old sea captain with this yachtsman's cap and white mustache? You look perfect. Now remember, telling your boat's an old tub, and she's crazy if she takes a trip on it. And your name is Captain Talbot of the Sloop Planet. Can you keep all that straight? Oh, you know me, sir. Certainly. What do you think I'm so worried about? All right. Ring the bell. I'll be waiting for you out here. Okay. Yes. Were you looking for someone? Howdy, ma'am. I'm Captain Talbot, the skipper of that their boat. You're taking a cruise on this summer. You mean you're a real sea captain? Yep. And I'd like to tell you a few things about that boat of mine. Why, we got ratcheting her so big that you... Oh, Captain, I don't want to talk about your boat. I want to talk about you. Huh? This afternoon at the Parker Marriage Clinic, I was told that the perfect mate for me would be a sea captain. And now you walked into my life. Don't you see? You and I were meant for each other. Ma'am, we were talking about rats. Let's not get off into an unpleasant subject. I came here to advise you not to take that cruise, ma'am. I'll never give up the cruise now. Isn't it obvious that fate has thrown us together? Yep. It's also obvious that's now going to rip us a sunder. Nice thinking, ma'am. But you can't walk out of my life like this. But... You're a sea captain. My ideal mate. What? You're the same age as I am. What? You're... Miss Stewart, I guess there's only one thing to do. I've got to tell you the truth. My name isn't Captain Talbot. It's Dennis Day. And I'm not a sea captain. I'm a soda jerk. And I'm not your age. I'm 22. Well, why worry about details now? We'll discuss them after we're married. Oh, no, ma'am. I only went through this so I could go on a honeymoon cruise with my girl. If I married you, she'd probably be so aggravated she'd stay home. We'd better forget it, ma'am. Goodbye. Well, that is... Well, well, is the cruise off? Mr. Willoughby, let's go back to the drugstore. I want to show you something I know you'll be interested in. Show me something? Yeah. We just got in a big shipment of mother-sills seasickness pills. Dennis Day will be back in just a moment with a song. But first, here's a fact worth knowing. Colgate dental cream cleans your breath while it cleans your teeth. And just how important that is, our Colgate players are here to demonstrate for you. As our Colgate curtain goes up, we find Larry, our Colgate leading man, deep in conversation with his girlfriend's teenage brother. Yep. I'm beginning to see the light, kid. Happened Saturday night. Couldn't get a date with Margie. She was busy. So all by myself, I walked down to the corner to inhale a soda. And what do I see? That fine sister of yours busy making eyes at some out-of-town wolf. Sure, I know. That guy's been hanging around sis a lot lately. Well, what happened, kid? Gosh, things are pretty solid with Margie and me, you know? Well, trouble with you, Larry. You want to steam on over to your dentist for the low-down on the breath situation. And here's what Larry found out. Scientific tests have proved that in seven out of ten cases, Colgate dental cream instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more, Colgate dental cream's safe polishing agent brings out the natural sparkle of your teeth. Cleans them thoroughly and safely. Yes, Colgate dental cream cleans your breath while it cleans your teeth. And Colgate dental cream is famous for its wonderful wake-up flavor too. In fact, nationwide tests of leading toothpaste prove that Colgate dental cream is preferred for flavor over other brands tested. So to clean your teeth thoroughly and safely for a wake-up flavor everyone enjoys, use Colgate dental cream. Remember, Colgate dental cream cleans your breath while it cleans your teeth. With Charles Dan to the orchestra, here is Dennis to sing another of his newest RCA Victor recordings, Stella by Starlight. National Sunday School Week will be observed this year from April 14th to the 20th. And may I urge you to have your children, regardless of their creed, attend religious services. Good night, everyone. Dennis Day can be heard with Jack Benny every Sunday. And be sure to be with us again next week for another Dennis Day program. More songs, more adventures in the life Meanwhile, be sure to use Colgate dental cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and don't miss the true story article by Dennis Day entitled OK I'll Talk, that's now appearing in the latest issue of True Story Magazine on sale today at All Newsstand. It's new, it's amazingly different, not a liquid, not a soap, but an utterly new cream shampoo that leaves hair soft, radiant, glamorous and also easy to manage. It's Lustre Cream Shampoo created by K. Dumit who combined rich lanolin with secret ingredients. Use Lustre Cream Shampoo and see how soft, how naturally lovely, how brilliantly alive and well-behaved your hair can be. Ask for Lustre Cream Shampoo at Cosmetic Hounters. This is Vern Smith reminding you that today the worldwide shortage of fats and oils is more serious than it was a year ago. So serious that your help is urgently needed to save used cooking fats and oils to help produce soap, automobiles, refrigerators, all the things you want to need. So save fats, turn them in for cash or pay higher prices for used fats than ever before. This is NBC, The National Broadcasting Company.