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You may recall on our community garden sloth, last week there was an appeal made with regards to a hit-and-run incident in Cairndona and it involved a young man being hit between quarter two and 20 to four in the morning. Now we're joined on the line by Lisa, who is the young man's mother. Lisa, good morning. Good morning, Donal. Lisa, your son Nathan was the victim of this hit-and-run. Tell us what happened. Yes. Nathan was at the Tall Marine Nightclub and he was over and he was heading towards the chipman. He was on the left hand side of the road when he was hit by a car and just left their line. In terms of his own well-being, we know he was brought to hospital afterwards. How is he at the moment? Nathan has to go and get his nose rebuilt today. He's out in the Galvan tomorrow to get him facial reconstruction on the left side of his face. He has severe bruising to his kidneys. He has two broken teeth and another tooth that has shoved up and he's gone and he has busted lips and he has a gash to his right side as well. Now there's work being done on the Galvan. I understand work has to be done in Sligo as well. Yes, yes. I was going to make the point that very often when you hear Gardi say a man was treated for non-life-threatening injuries, it's almost saying, oh that's grand so and leave it at that but the story you're telling is a stark reminder too is that the phrase non-life-threatening injuries doesn't negate the fact that people have multiple surgeries, multiple hospital appointments and have an awful lot to deal with both mentally and physically. For quite a long time and certainly that seems to be the situation that Nathan is in at the moment. Yes it does. Nathan has, I was told on that letter Kenny that he has a long road of recovery ahead of him with facial reconstruction and then to get his nose rebuilt as well. Now we know from what the Gardi were saying that they're very anxious to trace the driver of this car and to speak to the driver of the car. So far as we understand it there hasn't been an awful lot of progress. What is the situation as you understand it? Well what I've got back from the guide is that they're following a couple of lines and clarities and that is all I have heard from them. Obviously we will be hopeful that if anyone has information or dashcam footage that hasn't come forward yet that that they would do so and you know approach the Gardi so that you know this this investigation can progress and that's an appeal you want to make yourself as well. I just want, I know that part of the road is pretty busy because there's a chip and just a couple of meters up the road from where it happened so there had to be people walking on that part of the road that seemed something and I'm just begging them to come forward and contact the Bunkrana Gardi station because Nathan's uncle has put a reward up for information because we're that desperate to find out who did it. And as you say it's a weekend night the tullery as you say was in full flow there will have been good crowds around people going for chips as inevitably happens after a night out and you know there is no doubt but there were people on that road it isn't as though it was an isolated secluded road in the middle of nowhere there will have been people there. There would have been plenty of people there and because Candona that weekend had a music festival the cars that were going down to the town could only go once the town and weren't coming out of the town so any cars that were on that road had to pass Nathan and pass that accident when it happened. How much information do we have? Sorry. The only information that we have is that it's a dark colored car that's it. Yeah. So again the appeal and just remind us of the date Lee says so we can perhaps just jump in this memory. Yeah it was Sunday the 10th of July. There is a Sunday the 10th of July between 335 and 340 is what I've been told off the Guardian. Yeah. So that's a week ago last Sunday. Yes, yeah. In terms of Nathan's own health as you said physically he's got a long road ahead I mean I'm sure this incident has had a severe effect on him mentally as well how is he in that respect? He just wants to find out who John is because he's had to hand like he's lost in out time in his work and he works in the local and he's shown co-op and he's lost in out time as well in the local GEA club. Yeah. And he just wants to be back out working and back out playing these the Gaelicians and he's got coming up now but he can't play nothing and he can't he's back to square one. Yeah and as you say he's got to have more facial surgery and reconstruction there on the nose and other parts of the face as well so presumably if he does get back on on a pitch and well he won't get back on a pitch sadly in in the coming weeks but I mean hopefully in the coming months perhaps he can wear one of those protective masks or something that'll get him back out there but I'm sure it's going to be very hard for him you know not to have the trading not to have the camaraderie and and not to have that sort of feeling part of the team with his mates. Yeah because he's going to have he's going to lose certain a good lot of time because he's got the facial reconstruction to get done has noted to be read but many to get his teeth started as well. So just just to remind people this this happened between 22 and quarter to four in the morning on Sunday July 10th the early hours of Sunday that's a week ago last Sunday and it happened close to the chip van near near the townery. What's that road known as locally? It's the Meval Road between townery and going on to the town it's just right beside the old co-op building. And obviously a lot of traffic on the road and as you said there was a sort of an impromptu one-way system working at the time because of the music festival so any traffic on the road would have been coming in toward Cardona. Yeah it had to be all the cars were going on towards Cardona that night. So somebody had to see something and I know myself that road is pretty busy at that time. Yeah so it's it's a we don't have too much detail we know it was a dark colored car we can't give any more detail than that but if you saw anything on the road if you witnessed the incident or if you saw any cars that may have been involved or if you have dashcam footage anything you have and and we always say this because it's true. Gardy very rarely solve something like this by getting one big huge piece of information that solves everything with one fell swoop what tends to happen is Gardy will get 15 small pieces of information that will all be painstakingly put together like a jigsaw and that's how they come to their conclusions. So however small or minor you may believe the piece of information you have to be the fact is Gardy may well be able to use that to make a bigger breakthrough. Yeah because it was the worst phone call that I could ever get at four o'clock in the morning so does and I wouldn't wash it in anybody else. Well thankfully Lisa I couldn't think of perhaps one phone call that might be worse and thankfully it wasn't that and as we say thankfully we are talking about Nathan's recovery and we're talking about Nathan getting back onto a pitch and you know we can take some comfort in that because it could have been worse in that respect and thankfully it wasn't Lisa thanks indeed for speaking to us this morning thank you so much. If anyone out there is in a position to give any information to Gardy and however minor you may believe that information to be just please do come forward because you can hear from Lisa's voice and from what Lisa is saying the family want answers Nathan wants answers and there'll be a sense of needing closure until those answers are forthcoming so if you can help the Gardy in that investigation you can call Gardy in Bunkrana from memory it's 9320540 from memory and we're going to take as I say that's that's the number there for I think as I say it's a 205 yeah 9320540 from memory and if I am wrong I do apologize for that. Let's just take a look at a few comments just one or two comments that are coming out from yesterday Carter says on Thursday I made 25 calls to my local GB practice to no avail it was for an elderly person who needed medication it was closed due to unforeseen circumstances it says phones being answered from half nine to half twelve today again no answer this situation has been ongoing since COVID the front door is locked it's very frustrating this person needed their medication I had to call now doc as a result because the person is quite ill has anyone else had that problem in another area or is it just us now I know certainly over COVID I mean the difficulty people were having in contacting their GP practices was considerable so the situation should be improving at this point in time one would have thought but it certainly seems from this caller they are still having difficulty making contact with their GP caller says quick question we got her car fully serviced with the dealer two months ago all was perfect the cost was 600 euro now there's a noise coming from the back of it now have we any rights to have a check for free as nothing was highlighted in the service report thank you it's it's an interesting question I am not aware of the situation as it pertains but certainly you could take advice on it another caller says I wonder why the riverbank on the left of the four lane road hasn't been sorted the footpath is not complete on the left and it's closed on the right and I know they're working on it at the moment I happen to be walking out that on the left hand side and it's clear there is more work to be done but it's a good question caller and we'll see what happens with that now we spoke yesterday to Ruri who was involved in a rescue in Rathmullen on Sunday and I'm delighted to say that we now have on the lines the three girls who were involved in that rescue Eve Flanagan Lily May Foley and Searsha McHugh all 11 and all from the Straban area girls you're very very welcome I want to go first Eve to yourself because when Ruri spoke to us yesterday Ruri told us that when one girl had fallen and we understand you you are the girl that initially fell so tell us what happened so basically I was just in the water spaces Searsha and Lily May and then I just dropped down underneath and then they saw me drop down Lily May so then Lily May came out to get me but then Searsha thought we were messing about so Searsha didn't really know what to do but so I put down Searsha came out and then I kept on going underneath and coming out and then as soon as I got up I showed it help but I couldn't really get the whole word out because water kept on getting in my mouth but I kept on going down and coming back up again and had the water become deep very quickly because from what Ruri was saying he was out of his depth so you really must have been out of your your own depth yeah I just got deep so quick and like and then Chris was also pushing me to the side where he wanted me so I'm going to go to you Lily May because you went out to help Eve I mean did you realize immediately that he was in trouble yes because I knew he'd come some so I was even more worried because even if she was nice enough she couldn't sort of like she wouldn't have made it back if she was joking yeah and I said I'm in the pool I feel like going around the side down by the boat and I kind of went after her and we kind of just both went under at the same time and Searsha thought we were joking so then we kind of tried to explain it and then when she realized she kind of got pulled over as well yeah and then at that point we were kind of all just trying to get up for air and we were kind of on top of each other at some point like pushing down on each other so air but like we were just like we didn't mean to but we were just trying to get air anywhere possible and and and Searsha it must have been very very strange for you because as the girls were saying you you didn't realize that they were in trouble you thought for a minute they were messing I mean it must have been a shock for you when you realized that they weren't messing that that they were really in trouble here yeah it was it was a big shock because I didn't think that they'd actually like get into trouble with the water because that was only up to hip size hip height yeah it just kind of got really deep really fast yeah and it seemed like when I got pulled in it was like I got twisted and it was like nice carry yeah because as well the current is pulling you in toward the pier as well isn't it I mean that's the way that current works it's going to pull you you know so it isn't as though you you can just swim back you're going to feel the force of that current Eve and it must have been really you know when you realized that Rory was coming when you realized that help was on its way and that that someone had heard you I mean that must have been a huge relief to you at that time yeah it was and from what Rory was saying he had he managed to grab two of you and then the third one was it you Eve was the one that had to grab one of the other girls legs yeah and I didn't grab one of the other girls leg I was going down and then now I may saw her go down so she put her hand out for me did I grab onto her hand oh yeah he actually I think he actually thought that you were holding on to one of the girls legs so when I was talking to Rory yesterday um and well well done Lillie Mae that that was really thoughtful to put the hand down and do that um I mean were the three of you worried I mean how worried were you over the course of what was happening because when you realize you're not in control it must be a really scary thing yeah yeah it was really scary yeah and it must have been a huge relief to get back on on onto the sand and to get out of the water yeah yeah yeah did you manage to talk much to Rory after you got out of the water yeah we were like yeah Lillie Mae I'll ask you that question first I mean you know in turn when you got out of the water you you did manage to have a few words with Rory at that point yeah well I think Rory stayed back and like tried to move us to anyone else seeing it yeah me and he went up to your wife yeah and like told them what will happen and a few minutes after Rory came up and we all thanked him and gave him hope you know yeah and then later on in the day when we were leaving we went up to him and thanked him a lot yeah like and give him another hug because it was like scary it would have been and you know and and and and it's really nice to talk to you and I'm really delighted I can talk to you today and it's great to know that that this did did resolve itself and resolve itself well I mean a lot of people go to Rathmonton a lot of people go swimming in that water um Searsha as someone who taught the two girls were having a bit of fun and then realized it was more serious than that I mean what message would you have for people who are swimming in Rathmonton be careful on the water in the water because it's just yeah you don't you don't know what can happen and it's just it's just so mad how things can escalate so quickly it is and and and the current as we said the current over by and it's quite dangerous over by that pier because we know the currents over there are very strong I mean if you're a bit further up the beach it's absolutely fine it's it's lovely you don't have the same problem with currents but when you get in toward that pier that current is really strong and and and you even more than anyone knows how strong that current is yep um girls it's been lovely to talk to you and um you know as I say I know from talking to Rory yesterday that he was quite shaken by it how how do you three feel now I mean I'm sure you were very shaken and and very shocked yeah it was kind of scary because we were swimming but like since the tide was going back while we were going forward I was swimming on the spot yeah and we weren't going anywhere so we were kind of just swimming right there and like yeah we just thought we just thought we were going back yeah well thankfully Rory was there thankfully Rory saw what was happening and as as we said it's all worked out really well um Eve Lily May and Sirsha all three of you listen all the best and hopefully this won't have any lasting effects and uh I know you'll all be far more careful when when you're in the water again and the message to all people is look always be careful when you're in the water and particularly be in in wrath modern don't swim close to that pier because the currents there are very dangerous uh Eve Lily May Sirsha uh thank you all bye bye now thank you bye bye and and that's the three girls bye bye now and that's the three girls that Rory saved yesterday and as they said they went over and they gave him a well deserved hug afterwards and you know it's it it's really great to know that that that's been the outcome and we 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pornography to be leaving search subject now look we all know it's not what's happening is that the sphe program is going to be updated the education minister normally saying that the current relationships and sexuality curriculum in schools is outdated and will be significantly reformed and as part of that reform information about pornography and perspectives on it are to be included in the program now i'm joined in studio by mary hurley who is manager of the dunigal women's center mary good morning good morning thank you for inviting me mary in terms of of this updating of the sphe program to include topics such as consent and digital media and online pornography is going to form part of that discussion how important is it from your point of view that that's what we're doing or don't I think it's vital the original program that was there is over 20 years old so it was time for to be reformed to bring it up to date to watch actually our young people are involved with now and I suppose the biggest change will be the online access to online material access to online stories and just the whole access to the internet as a whole so it's really really important I'm delighted to see that it is being included and updated yeah and to reflect those changes now I mean let's I mean the way it would have been was I mean young young men over the years might have had a couple of magazines hidden under the bed or they might have had a couple of pictures that they cut out of a tabloid newspaper and things like that but the online thing is more insidious because what's available online is going from the potentially dangerous to the absolutely depraved and obscene and and beyond in in some cases potentially yeah yeah and you're absolutely spot on with that and it's the access is 24 hours it's you know it's 24 seven every single day of the week every week of the year so it's non-stop you know it's complete and uncontrollable access to it and and that does reflect in relationships you know and I suppose that's what we see in the work that we do in the center is the impact of pornography it's the impact of making unhealthy choices it's the impact of not knowing what consent is and you know for us it's really difficult to be able to you know to try and work with people because we're educating them when it's actually too late so all of this has happened you know the unsafe the risky behavior the access to pornography it makes what pornography doesn't teach is consent it doesn't teach you know safe healthy relationships it doesn't teach how to make an informed choice it doesn't teach how to have safe sex which is basically pardon me basically what it's about so to see this happening is brilliant and the other problem is it gives people a completely skewed vision of what sexuality is and what relationships are and it creates a sort of a fantasy world and we all know that the world doesn't work like that and relationships certainly don't work like that and and what you can see portrayed online and portrayed in films and portrayed in stories I mean it's to say the least it's not real and that that isn't the way life works absolutely and that's one of the biggest ones as well the the issues it gives an unhealthy portrayed of what sex is like of what conceptual sex is like because most of the pornography that's accessible by by young people and we know that you know there's such a range there it goes from very extreme to even more extreme beyond words like you say and that as was you know they form unrealistic expectations of what a healthy relationship is like of body image of consent of you know all of that and what they think they see online is what they actually expect when they go into relationships and that's where we're picking it up where you know two people are in a relationship there are unrealistic expectations on both sides or you know mostly maybe from from men from the male side to the female side because all they've seen all their education has been around access in pornography so they expect a woman to perform in a certain way they expect you know that violence non-consensual acts are completely normal you know it is normalizing what they think relationships should be and and that's not right you know we do need to do something about it and sometimes too we can perpetuate that most renders myth that i mean and i'll just say it bluntly that women like a bit her off and i'm sure you have heard that yourself and as i have that sort of people there is a perception there that oh well they really really want to deep down like you know and i'm i can divine that they really wanted it so they didn't really mean it when they said no that's it that's it exactly you know and that comes from that real unrealistic expectation of watching it online because if it's online it must be true if all their friends are watching it it must be true you know and if women don't have the capacity maybe to consent in a lot of times you know if it's underage if they're under the influence if they're on you know if they're being coercively controlled into the relationship all of that comes with unrealistic expectations it comes with exploitation of the young women violence from male to female and all of that just all nicely wrapped up and given to a man who thinks it's a free for all and he can do what he wants as he wants to women and and that's that's just not okay in terms of of the way men understand consent sometimes the perception is that consent is implied unless someone very explicitly says no do we need to sort of revise that understanding of consent to to to understand that it isn't just that she didn't say no that really you know there should be a very distinct and and a very clear yes it's not just the absence of no it's the presence of yes i think that's what it is exactly you know and you take into all the other factors you know nobody under the age of 17 can actually give legal consent so that's your can be your starting point and then it is listening it's engaging with each other it's having those conversations you know how far do we go what's the the word for this to stop you keep on I suppose in communicating with each other while they are together in an intimate situation and just keeping that lines of communication open and saying yeah you know just because she didn't so it didn't say no doesn't mean she said yes either yeah Mary can I execute there's a set of headphones there beside you can ask you to put those on because we're joined on the line by Rebecca Rebecca McTaid who's a member of the group appearance right Rebecca good morning good morning how are you I'm very well indeed thank Rebecca yourself not too bad excellent Rebecca you've been listening to Mary and and the points that Mary's been making now you you have campaigned on the issue of sphe and changes to it and you you have certain concerns about this well we have already said as a group we have the most important things that the parents are informed of what is the content so whenever you get the content then you can make an informed decision as to what it is that you agree to and what you disagree to if you don't have that information you can either argue for or against so I think that's first of all that's that's the most important thing here and I think that the other thing that that needs to be addressed here is the issue of the access that children will have or certainly I mean we have to go down to obviously the age group that they they wish to give the information to as at first second as it only junior start here you know because you're talking about minors yeah and and this ultimately has got to go down to the parents and the legal guardians of these minors do we know what consultation the minister has done and do we know how this is going to be organized on an age basis or is this just the start of a discussion process yeah and that's a really important question and my understanding and as was I need to clarify I'm not here on behalf of the government or anything like that I you know I'm here purely out from Donegal Women's Centre and my understanding is this has been an initial consultation with the students and with teachers and with appropriate adults within the school setting from yesterday there is a draft available on the NCCA website and people can go in and download it and from yesterday there is a three month consultation and anybody can actually feed into that consultation so now this is the opportunity for anybody who wishes to you know contribute or have comments or thoughts on this this is their opportunity to do so. Rebecca is that enough for you or do you believe that the government and the department should be doing more to specifically speak with and consult with parents? Well I think that the only way forward on this is to get meetings in the schools where the parents can go to a school where the school can actually give the information as to what exactly will be taught and I think that that's the only way you're going to get proper engagement because as you know everybody is busy you'll have families where maybe the two parents are out working and you don't know what time they're going to finish that meeting they also then have to come home you have dinner to get ready you've homework to do and there's a lot of time taken up there specifically for that alone and that's the only family you know everyday life. So I think that there has got to be there has got to be night put in place in the school where every school informs the parents that would be the best way forward I think and that and I also think that there has got to be legislation on the actor of content that you know um it's another issue I mean you can't just go down to say that you know the issue that children um you're kind of at all of the responsibility on them yeah I think that's wrong. In terms of your own concerns have you had a chance to go onto the ncca website and download that draft and have a read of it yourself? Well I didn't know that it was available right now because I know that I had tried to get on before and the content wasn't available for other aspects there was other things that I wanted to check up and it wasn't available I think there was a crash in the system or something like that um but you know it's good to know that that information at least is available now that people and and the parents and the legal guardians can now take the opportunity um to go on there and have a look at the information but again in order to get proper engagement and in order to get a proper informed um consent from any parent you've got to show them exactly what is going to be taught you need the language you need the wording you need to know who's going to do it who's going to deliver this how are they going to deliver this um it's not just a very plain um black and white um canvas here that we've that we've got to work off there's so many different aspects that we have got to consider um and as I said given the fact that these are minors they are not they are not in a position to make proper informed decisions for themselves either so parents have got to guide them they need the guidance of their parents until they're at least 18 and and long you know long after that now I know you have either what age we are at we'll always go back to the parents again no I I I do know that you have you have over the years and we've spoken about this before and you've spoken to Greg and Dave uh that you have particular concerns about the age groups and what age groups are being thought what under the wider sphc program in in terms of what what's being discussed at the moment in in terms of issues of consent in terms of issues of online and material that's online and the potential dangers of that material I'm sure you you you have no issues with that being taught as part of a program provided as you said that it's two children of of of the appropriate age for for for that information yeah well that that again is where um don't know we have got to know exactly what the wording is going to be that's crucial you know the words that they use how are they going to describe these words um and you know I have to think at the end of the day also what benefit is this going to be because you're going to have some children who may get content on the internet or wherever you're also going to have other children who are not going to be exposed to any of that and what you're what you're doing then is you are totally disregarding the innocence of that child who doesn't know anything about it in order to inform another child is it not important Rebecca that the the children are aware of potential dangers out there because I mean we know and sadly and it's it's a terrible thing to say but sadly many many teenage children are potentially vulnerable they're potentially ripe for exploitation and and as well as um you know I know and I know I utterly understand your concern about giving them inappropriate information but is it not also vital that they understand the world around them so that they perhaps in their innocence will also know if someone is trying to act inappropriately towards them yes and I think that that is that is also an issue where the parents and the guardians need to have that uh you know they need to have the conversation with the children themselves and the reason why I would say that is because every parent knows their children individually and they know what they're capable of learning they know how they learn they know their vulnerability and their educational needs and every child is different how they accept the information how they take in that information those children are different and if you have two three four children in a family there won't be two of them the same and I think that this you know the the one plaque pony of of the approach going through schools and teaching the one thing to every single child that is that's not acceptable because that is not going to be acceptable for that more innocent child that is going to set their heads wheeling they are not going to understand then they will start asking questions and then you're delving into information that they would never possibly never be exposed to there's someone who will never be exposed to that Mary can you understand and you're just completely sorry don't hold yeah okay I'm sorry you're just completely infringing on that on that innocence and that the right for that children not to know the information you know you you have two different sides to this yeah you have some children who are exposed to they need they need guidance but isn't there also a problem Rebecca and with with with all with all you know I mean I absolutely appreciate what you're saying Rebecca but I think there are going to be very very few children and and I will be blunt and honest about this particularly boys who will go through an entire school five years or six years or however long it is and not pick up this information in the playground not pick up this information in conversation with their friends I mean I I think the chances of someone getting through the whole school system without being exposed to this in some form I would not be hugely hugely confident Rebecca to be perfectly honest that that can happen I want to bring Mary back in here Mary I mean in fairness to Rebecca she is making the point that you know this a lot of this you know should be the work of parents and this should be for parental discussion with their children and the parents have rights to ensure that their children have the the moral bring the moral upbringing and the social upbringing that they believe appropriate for them does Rebecca not have a point in that oh absolutely um and I would never take that away and she absolutely has a point and I suppose as parents that's what we all want for our children I think maybe reframe it slightly and have it age appropriate so you're not what you're going to say to a 14 year old is not the same as what you're going to say to a nine year old so I think you do make it age appropriate I suppose we do need to take into account that not all parents will have the language or the knowledge of how to explain this to a child um you know the conversations can happen out in the schoolyard and where there may not you know might be somebody bringing in an image or talking about what they had seen on the internet the night before parents can struggle with technology technology just may not be in in their household but their kids are going to other houses where it's there it's in the schools you know it's wider maybe than just having the conversation I think it has to be age appropriate um you know you need to prepare them for going to school discos so while there may be one child that's very innocent um the parents have done everything you know that they want as a parent has a right to do and make a choice in the language and the conversations they have and then they go to an underage disco and the child isn't able to cope you know or stuff happens and there's expectations of what's supposed to happen at a night out and that's where the kids need to be informed about they need to know that this can happen it absolutely Rebecca is right not all children are exposed to this however you know their friends may be and that's where the influences are and at that at that age group you know their peers are very important their friends are very important mom and dad pardon me mom and dad don't know all of us so they're more likely to listen to their peers than what they are to their parents um for some things you know I think I think what you're saying is right you know and this consultation from what I have read from it does offer the opportunity for parents to have a look at at the curriculum we're getting a multiplicity of views and you know one sort of person asks does this not perpetuate the notion that it's okay for our children to be engaging in porn and underage sex and I mean I really do not I don't think that that certainly isn't the intention of the program um Rebecca is that a fear you would have that you know children will get this information in schools and then feel that oh that sounds interesting I must experiment or something like that is it your fear that this will far from helping them make informed choices and maybe putting off bad decisions that this will actually prompt them into making bad decisions it's very hard to know um don't know but you have to get you know you have to give children credit at the same time you know that if they're if they're talked to properly and I do believe that if the parents if they take the responsibility I mean when Mary made the comment there and sorry I didn't get to say hello to you Mary either but that's okay you know when Mary made the comment there about um you know parents may be being uncomfortable like there's obviously a reason why this is uncomfortable and you have to take into consideration you know how uncomfortable is it going to be for the children to be to be here in this in school I mean it's not what it's not what I would want to be sending my children to school for information that I that I wouldn't be prepared to tell them myself I want to be able to tell you know whatever I want to say to my children I would like to think that that that's the type of stuff that's going to be taught in schools as well it does go back it does Rebecca go it does go back to the point to Rebecca and I mean I'm going to be upfront and honest I mean I learned about 60 percent 60 to 70 percent of what I knew about sex at the age of 16 17 I learned from dirty jokes and conversations in the playground that that is being honest I learned most of what I knew about sex at the age of 16 17 I learned in the school playground that that that is an in conversations with friends that that that is the truth of it and I think you know the problem is and fairly there are parents like yourself who are responsible and who do take this very seriously and who do sit down and who have the conversation and back in the day we did it ourselves and and we had that conversation but we did it in the context of an SPHE program which at that point was running in schools no in our day there was no such thing as SPHE in in the schools when I was going through the system back in the late 70s early 80s so I mean there wasn't an SPHE system in schools and I kind of wish there had been because I had a very sort of a skewed um I had some skewed notions when I was a kid um yeah and I wish there had been an SPHE program because it would have made things I think a lot easier and certainly the ideal is to have perhaps the ideal would be to have an SPHE program in schools and in tandem with that parents having conversation with the children at home as well that's the ideal people like yourself are obviously doing it but the reality is in some cases parents aren't and that is creating a vacuum and really I think if I'm reading what the minister is trying to do correctly here what the minister is trying to do more than anything else is ensure that we don't have a vacuum and and that we do have an understanding of life for our children I want to just give you a couple of more of the comments that have been coming through caller says um it's about time we got this taught in school we no longer live in the 1940s parents need to take their heads out of the sand and accept that these are the facts of life um another caller says school is neither the time nor the place to be taught this another caller says if I was around if this was around when I was in school I would have been so embarrassed another caller says knowledge is power this education will save many people from unwanted sex another caller says it's about time we stopped the normalization of women being used as play things or having to submit to a miserable sex life and another caller says as a parent I agree with Rebecca she is expressing the views of most parents online consultations are not practical to me they're just an excuse for the pretence that parents agree so certainly that there are a myriad of views on this issue and you know certainly support for yourself Rebecca um I want to Mary just go back to yourself uh before we leave this and we are getting to the end of the discussion I mean the point Rebecca is making is that you know parents want to have these discussions with their children and that parents are the right people to be having it is is it your concern that you know in certain cases we can have a vacuum is that the real problem here oh I think that's the reality that's where we are now that's why there is sexual abuse domestic abuse that's why there's a need for all the you know the the sexual and domestic violence services in the country because there is that vacuum there's a lack of understanding of respect of consent of what is it to have a safe and nurturing uh relationship um and because it hasn't been there we have never done anything like this before and for me I think it should be an all-round approach so the parents have input absolutely the school have input the communities have input you know it is about rallying around the children giving them a holistic approach that they can make an informed choice when the time comes that's what it's about it's about keeping our children safe it's not about putting notions or ideas or you know kids are curious and you know kids have an insatiable appetite for information they're going to find it why not give them this information in a safe place have resources around them to support them that whatever comes up that the teachers are trained appropriately that there is you know the appropriate support there when they get the information that it's given age appropriately in a language that they can understand you know because the the you know the conversation that we're having today you wouldn't have that was a nine-year-old or a 10-year-old you would talk about it differently you would talk about you know minding yourself um permission for people to give you a hug or to touch you um you'd be dealing very differently so I think the earlier that we start with this the more that we are going to prevent sexual assaults domestic violence incidents rapes everything you know I want to give the final word to Rebecca we have literally 30 seconds Rebecca you now have the opportunity there's a three-month consultation obviously you and your colleagues in appearance right will be taking the opportunity to making your views quite clear to to the minister and and to the department yeah well don't you have to um you have to consult with the parents first that's it you have got to inform them of the information um when you do that then you get you get the opportunity to actually see exactly what they're and what's available before you ever ask for their consent and you must ask their consent it's worded on this that um it will be taught um you know that it would be mandatory and it would be taught regardless I don't think that that is the correct approach in any of this you cannot disregard appearance right and I'm afraid Rebecca that is where we're going to have to leave Rebecca McDade from Appearance Right and Mary Hurley Heap Manager of Donegal Women's Center thank you both very much indeed thank you thank you thank you thinking of North America Erlingas from Donegal Airport is the way to go with great fairs and onwards connections across North America you'll fly via Dublin where your pre-clear customs save a new time on arrival see erlingas.com offer subject to conditions and availability did you know that last year Pieda supported more than 600 families who had lost a loved one to suicide or that we have Pieda centers across Ireland providing almost 1000 hours of cancelling every week or that we are now hiring additional 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