 Wait a second. You weren't supposed to have the fun. Cheating is one of the biggest betrayals in any relationship, but what happens when a spouse suggests an open relationship, to secretly justify their infidelity? This is the shocking and regretful story of a wife, who thought an open relationship would solve her problems, only to realize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Before we start, go to the like button sock drawer, and turn all the socks inside out. This revenge story, might be upsetting to cheaters. Hello everyone, I never imagined that I would reach the point of seeking guidance from strangers on the internet, but here we are. My wife Lucy and I, have been together for 10 years and married for 8. We met in college and were each other's first and only love. I truly believe that we had a unique and beautiful relationship because of this, but it seems that this was just my perspective. Some time ago, my wife started working at a new company. At first, Lucy found it difficult to fit in since she has always been reserved. However, after my encouragement, she befriended a group of women, some of whom were single, divorced, or dating, but not married. Initially, I was glad she had made new friends. But then, she began going out for drinks, attending parties, and participating in various activities her friends had planned. I grew concerned about her changing behavior and attempted to discuss it with her, while also being careful not to impose any restrictions. This shift in her behavior began to affect our intimacy. My wife rarely initiated intimacy, and with her frequent outings, she was often too tired or not in the mood. At some point, her company hired a new manager who caught the attention of my wife and her friends. Lucy began mentioning him casually, but eventually started pointing out how he handled certain issues that didn't seem work related. When I asked her about her fascination with this man, she dismissed my concerns. She even inquired if I regretted not having more experiences with other women, to which I replied no, because she was all I ever needed. I could have sworn I saw a brief flash of sadness in her eyes, but she quickly changed the subject. She brought up the idea of an open marriage as a way to spice up our relationship, which surprised me because she had never been that type of person, nor was she particularly liberal in her sexual views. Initially, I refused and asked if this had anything to do with the new manager. Lucy denied any connection, but admitted feeling like she had missed out on experiences while not wanting to lose me. So this seemed like a safer option. I warned her that she was playing with fire, but naively and reluctantly agreed. We set some ground rules, mainly not to sleep with anyone else in our home. For a year, my wife went on dates and had one night stands. And as if I hadn't seen it coming, she eventually entered into some kind of relationship with the manager. On the other hand, I went on a few dates but didn't engage in any one night stands because it felt wrong to me. Lucy would ask if I was okay, but she didn't really change her behavior. Eventually, I sensed that the love I once had for her, that pure, special innocence of marriage, was gone, and it was eating away at me inside. I ended up going on a date with an amazing woman who had moved here from South Korea. Our conversation flowed easily. She had a quick-witted sense of humor, and her smile was so captivating that one could easily lose oneself in it. This, of course, led to more dates, and eventually, we became intimate. I had never experienced anything like the passion I shared with this woman. I didn't know a woman could be so giving and make one feel so desired. At first, my wife found it amusing, but as the months went by, she started questioning my relationship with my lover. I quickly reminded her that this was her idea, and that she was the one in a relationship with the manager I had been worried about. She fell silent, looking as if she wanted to say something but held her tongue. Lucy started coming home early to surprise me with dinner and made an extra effort to clean the house. She even began visiting me at work to drop off lunch and started initiating intimacy in the bedroom. Honestly, if it hadn't been for her opening up our marriage, which I'm also to blame for agreeing to, all this would have made me overjoyed. I barely gave into her attempts at intimacy, and when I did, it was simply to get it over with. Something inside me had died towards my wife, and I could see she felt it too. I asked what brought on this change in her and what was different. She responded that she wanted to show me that she loved me and was happy with me. I hadn't intended to, but I burst out laughing. I asked about her little group of friends, her manager lover, and her one night stands. She didn't respond that day and simply went to bed in tears. The next day, when I got home, I found her waiting for me. She told me she wanted to close the marriage, admitting that this whole experience had been a terrible mistake. She regretted everything and wanted us to be the focus of our relationship again. I asked her to be honest with me and reveal what had inspired all this in the first place. As it turned out, it was her group of friends that had planted the idea because of their numerous sexual adventures. When her manager came around, he surprisingly supported that lifestyle and encouraged my wife to live freely. Apparently, it had developed into an emotional affair and only became physical once the marriage opened, as if that made it any better. She described it as being drunk behind the wheel of a speeding car, thrilling and intoxicating, but the consequences of this decision have become too much for her to bear. She realizes now that she never needed a comparison, that what we had was truly unique and special. But she feels like she has destroyed our marriage and any chance of a life together. I told her I might never be able to see her as my wife again, and this made her break down in front of me. I simply held her in silence as she cried until she fell asleep in my arms on the couch. Since then, she has left her job, cut off contact with all her friends and her manager, and even told me she's willing to spend the rest of her life making it up to me and working her fingers to the bone to be seen as a wife by me. However, I haven't ended my relationship with my lover. My lover, quite frankly, makes me feel like a man, like I can take on the world. And my wife hasn't made me feel that way in a while. The truth is, I don't know what to do in this situation. I would love to regain the special feeling we once had, if possible, but my lover essentially saved me when I was at my lowest. Please help me. I should also mention that we have our first marriage counseling session in a couple of hours, and I'm not sure how that will go. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Honestly, people have great lives and somehow they feel like they don't, and in the process of trying to fix what's not broken, eventually break it. Why didn't expect such a response? Thank you also very much for your support and advice. I will post an update on our therapy session because quite frankly, that in itself needs it on trade but I will answer some questions. My lover is not married, but she does have the open marriage. My intention for this marriage is still unclear, mainly because I feel as much as I love my wife. I cannot trust her yet at the same time I find myself unable to truly let go because of our years together, and the reason I agreed to counseling sessions was to figure out if I can come to a solution of sound mind and get off the indecisive train. I didn't demand her phone at first, because I didn't want to see an actual image of my wife with another man. The mental images and movies were bad enough, but to see the actual picture or whatever, would have shattered me more than I already am. Forget to mention, this morning as I got out of the shower, I saw Lucy holding my phone and silently shaking, as she read a message I had received. I just took it from her and didn't say anything. The message was from my lover, it said. Good morning handsome, I slept in your t-shirt last night, because I miss going to bed and waking up in your arms. I miss greeting the new day with a kiss, from you. I think this messed up my wife Lucy quite a bit, because she has basically been shadowing me for the past two hours even when I went for a jog, she never once jogged with me, not a single time during our entire relationship. The therapist seemed nice and experienced, appearing unbiased and genuinely eager to help. Even though it was our very first session, my wife took it as an opportunity to lay it all out, it seems. She confessed that her group of friends made her wonder if she had missed her chance at other experiences, as she had committed to her first boyfriend and had no other adventures like some of these supposedly amazing women had, some of whom are divorced but none of whom are married. The therapist pointed out that this can often be detrimental to a marriage due to the difference in mindset. My wife seemed to agree and added that after the new manager started approaching her, some of her friends encouraged her to see where it goes, suggesting it was a chance for her to explore or discover herself. She obviously felt guilty, or so she says, and didn't do anything physical until one of the divorced friends suggested an open marriage as a loophole, telling her that some couples come out stronger because of it. So, after regrettably, again, so she says, convincing me to open up our marriage, her so-called adventure began. It was intoxicating and blinding but lacked real substance, unlike the kind we had built over the years. She started to question her reasons for doing this. She said she could see the hurt in my eyes but told herself this was an adventure, she mentioned she'll never forgive herself for this, and a chance to have an amazing experience, so the gravity of it all never hit her until she noticed a change in me. At first, she assumed that because I went on dates, I would gradually accept her situation and be okay with it, but that all changed when my lover became a constant presence in my life. Apparently, I started to smile again for no reason, and my eyes would light up when I would get a text message or cheerfully leave the room to answer a call. She said she suddenly felt a pit in her stomach and started to experience many panic attacks, for no apparent reason. She went to her friends for advice again. But they told her, It's a totally normal reaction for him to have, during this adventure. However, when the same divorced friend who suggested the open marriage in the first place said, It looks like his lover makes him happy. The reality of it all finally dawned on her. The very real possibility that another woman, and not his wife, brought him joy nearly made her pass out. She realized how ridiculous this all was and begged her friends to help her win me back, but they just told her, If you can't deal with it, then why did you open your marriage in the first place? She knew then and there that these people were toxic and a threat to our marriage and the life we built, so she's been on a mission to win me back by any means necessary. I on the other hand, didn't share much, but I did let the counselor know about the situation on my side with my lover still in the picture. The counselor said no resolution could ever be reached with my lover still involved and suggested we book another appointment for the day after tomorrow. The counselor did mention that it was unusual for someone to stay with their first for this long and gave the impression that any storm can be weathered. I highly suspect she wants us to be one of her success stories. Sorry that it's long, but I figured I might as well give a full update. Let me get this straight, your wife was envious of divorced people's lifestyle? What the hell is happening in the world, that a person with a failed marriage is being envied? Let your toxic friends help you play stupid games, they won't be there when you win stupid prizes. One woman makes you happy and puts the twinkle in your eye. The other woman, you are tied to buy emotional bonds and time. One loves and wants you, the other does not want someone else to have you. This should not be a hard choice whether you love your girlfriend or not, this marriage will eventually end so why hurt the girlfriend and choose the wife? You are trying to be a good guy because that is who you genuinely are or how you see yourself. However, please remember you must be happy and sometimes that means making hard choices and putting yourself first. You loved her enough to give her space to do what she wanted to do, despite the pain it caused and now she cannot grant you a moment of happiness, does that not tell you something? Move on brother. Dude, your wife reveled in your misery. It showed that she was the prize. She got to go be wild and sexually free, leaving you at home pining for her and she loved it. Then you found someone that you enjoyed being with and she can't have that. She stopped all her nonsense because she couldn't stand to see you happy. She regrets opening the marriage only because you found someone not because she saw your pain. If that were the case, she would have ended it quicker. And now it's the toxic friend's fault? She's grown. She made her choices. She knew it would hurt you and SHE didn't care. Frick that. She's selfish. Pick your girlfriend. I want to offer a very warm thank you to everyone who has reached out. I apologize for not being able to reply to each and every one of you, be it in the inbox or on the post. Anyway, here's the update so far. Again, thank you all for your support. It's quite literally been an episode of Jerry Springer. I have since moved into an apartment owned by my brother at a ridiculously cheap price, he owns properties and would have let me stay for free, but I refuse that. I've uncovered some information about my wife's behaviors and some unsettling things about her manager. During our second session of counseling, I asked some of the questions that Redditor suggested. First question, I asked if she was sure nothing physical happened before the opening of the marriage. She looked towards the ground and begged me not to make her say it, saying that if she revealed it, it would destroy us. But after some pushing, she shared that it wasn't physical, but they touched themselves in front of each other. This guy convinced her that since it wasn't physical, sort of, it wasn't technically cheating in that they were simply enjoying each other's full beauty. I was absolutely floored by this revelation, and she started shaking and hyperventilating. Tears and snot flowed as she cried and apologized to me. At this point, even the counselor was taken aback and wore a look of disbelief. My wife got on her knees and hugged my legs, saying how sorry she was. Second question, I then asked her what really changed her view of him. She said that after she started pulling back from the group as a whole, his behavior towards her changed. Then one evening, as she was leaving a meeting, she passed his office and overheard him speaking about her to another male colleague. He said he was surprised at how easy it was to get her, and that she was living proof that you can't trust the quiet ones. When the colleague asked if he actually fancied her, his response was, Oh no, she was a pleasant distraction though. But of course I have absolutely no intention of breaking up with my fiance. He even added that this was simply to get it out of his system, because the only woman who has ever understood him was his fiance, and he didn't want to break up with her. He also mentioned how he felt bad for me but made sure to add, You snooze, you lose. My wife, upon realizing that she was nothing more than a piece of meat to this man, and that she had betrayed me for a cheap thrill. In that moment Lucy actually felt like taking permanent solutions to a temporary problem, if you know what I mean. She said she left her workplace and vomited in the parking lot. She also added that her first thoughts were, What have I done? My love, please forgive me, I'm so sorry. Third question, I asked her if she still loved him and when exactly she had stopped loving me. With tears in her eyes, she looked at me intently and admitted that she had never stopped loving me, which honestly made the situation worse. She explained, He was just something different. I thought it was love, I believed it to be love. But now I realize, how foolish I was. Gripping my arm with unexpected force, she acknowledged her mistake and expressed how much she missed the bond we once shared. She even proposed that we move away and start anew, just the two of us, as it was always meant to be. However, I informed her that it wouldn't be fair to my current partner and that I needed time away from her to process everything. At these words, she seemed to unravel, sobbing uncontrollably and uttering incoherent phrases. Lucy clung to me as if I would disappear, and it took both the counselor and me some time to calm her down. The counselor eventually persuaded her that spending time apart might help us heal. I wish I could end this update here, but upon returning home and beginning to pack, my wife received a tearful video call on her laptop from one of her former friends. It turned out that after my wife's resignation, this friend and the manager had started a fling of their own. However, a pregnancy scare prompted the manager to show his darker side. To make matters worse, the friend had a boyfriend with whom she saw a future, and she had only pursued the fling out of curiosity, a strikingly familiar theme. The boyfriend discovered their secret through an email exchange discussing the potential pregnancy, and the manager subsequently accused her of trying to trap him with a baby. Naturally, the boyfriend left her, and she reached out to my wife, under the impression that we had salvaged our marriage, in a desperate plea for advice. With no words left to say, I turned and left. I've been staying in the apartment ever since. Once again, thank you all for your thoughts and valuable advice. Wow, your wife really decimated your marriage over nothing. Absolutely nothing. I feel for her, but she is the one that made these choices. I don't know that I could see my way back into a marriage like this. Good luck with whatever you decide. First and foremost, I want to extend my gratitude to everyone who reached out to offer helpful advice, share their own relatable experiences, or simply lend a listening ear. Your support means a great deal to me. A lot has transpired since my last update. The former friend, who experienced the pregnancy scare, was indeed pregnant. However, the stress of losing her boyfriend and the humiliation of the affair led to a miscarriage. In response, she basically turned ballistic went full scorched earth on the manager, exposing him to upper management and his fiancé. Out of curiosity, I looked up the manager's fiancé on Facebook. She seemed to embody the archetype of a pretty, small town girl. According to her profile, she is a special needs teacher who values family and enjoys a quiet home life. My immediate thought was, why would he jeopardize his relationship with her by pursuing other women? The fact that men like him end up with women like her, remains one of life's great enigmas. The former friend reached out to me, seeking my side of the story as she gathered evidence against the manager. However, she insisted on meeting in person and I agreed. Upon seeing her, I could tell she was broken. The dark circles under her eyes and the redness of her irises indicated that she had not slept and was tormented by her thoughts. She thanked me for agreeing to meet and immediately apologized for her role in my wife's escapade. It turns out she and my wife had spoken again, which is when she learned I had moved out. She didn't try to shift blame and wanted to take responsibility for her actions, which is why she insisted on meeting face to face. I appreciated her efforts, but couldn't help wondering why she would go to such lengths. So I asked her. She said losing both a child and the love of her life changed who she was at the core. She said she can hardly look in the mirror without feeling disgust. She can hardly sleep, because all she sees is her exes. Face the day he found out. This woman clearly hated herself and this meeting might have been a form of punishment for her. She tells me since fraternizing among coworkers is a breach of conduct and more so because he was in a position of influence, he will most likely be fired and possibly blacklisted from that field as a whole. But the same may be true for her as well and she has accepted it. After sharing her story and apologizing once more, the former friend left. I needed to retrieve some belongings from our old place, so I chose a time when I thought my wife wouldn't be home. Unfortunately, she was there, and to my surprise, she had spread our wedding photos, along with other pictures, on the coffee table and was staring at them. When she noticed me, I could see she had been crying. She tried to hug me, but I gently pushed her aside. She offered me lunch, but I declined, explaining that I wasn't hungry and that I only needed to collect a few things. Before I could proceed, she insisted on showing me something. She pulled out her phone and displayed a message she had received two days earlier from her former manager, who had berated her. She had blocked his original number, so he used a new one. It seemed that my wife had assisted her former friend in exposing him to all the relevant parties, and he was furious. She mentioned that she had drawn inspiration from chump lady and marriage builders. By exposing the secret, she believed she was removing its power and giving us a fighting chance to rebuild our relationship. I told her I was glad she had the courage to do that, but it didn't change anything between us. I also informed her that I would stop attending marriage counseling and would pursue individual counseling instead. This news made her sob softly, and she said she understood. Although I'm supposed to feel either relation at the actions taken or raged because it took this long, I simply feel numb towards her. I know this isn't normal, which is why I want to address it in individual counseling rather than marriage counseling. I have also seen a divorced lawyer at my brother's recommendation just to be safe. As of now I am not really willing to fight for this marriage and it seems my wife can sense it. Before I left she tried to initiate intimacy, but when I refused she yelled and asked. What does your lover give you that I can't? What does she provide you that I'm not? She yelled in a voice so loud, I am sure the neighbors heard it and by doing so, trying to force me to do whatever she wanted to make her stop. I shook my head and told if she still couldn't tell after all that's happened then it's clear where our marriage is headed and left. This is where I am at, at least for now anyway and once again, thank you all for your help. Your wife has indeed begun to face the consequences of her actions. The sad truth is that she would do anything to go back in time and avoid making the same mistakes, but life doesn't work that way. Perhaps she can put effort into understanding herself and becoming a better partner, but it likely won't be with you as she has already destroyed the life you shared. One thing you can be certain of is that she will always remember you and regret what she did. That is more than what many of us received from our unfaithful partners. They say the opposite of love is in hate, it is in difference. I think you have reached that point. Your marriage is probably over and I think you and your wife know it. Do your individual counseling and speak to an attorney. Your sin to be ex-wife will probably get a little crazy on you, but she admitted to cheating prior to coercing you to open the marriage. Your marriage died back then, you both just didn't realize it. What does your new lover do for you that she can't? Respect, loyalty and fidelity are the concepts that escape your former wife. She opened the marriage so the manager and any other man that she fancied could use her as the town bicycle for a year. Keep moving forward friend, there is nothing to return to. Your wayward wife happily gambled that you had less value as a partner than she did. That she could do as she pleased and you would be around if something better didn't work out. Don't forget dignity and support, all of which your new lover seems to bring to the table. You stay till the end, which means you're the one I make these episodes for. Imagine yourself in OP shoes, would you join the vengeful woman on her path of destruction, or would you strive to make things work? Put yourself in his shoes and be brutally honest. I'm curious to know your answer, what would you do in this situation? Subscribe for future uploads and show your vengeful devotion, by tickling the like button, without mercy. And I'll be seeing you, in the next one.