 Palm olive soap your beauty hope and luster cream shampoo for soft glamorous dream girl hair Bring you our miss Brooks starring Eve Arden Our miss Brooks teaches English at Madison High School And although one day in the life of a school teacher is pretty much the same as the next at night you Well, perhaps we'd better let Connie Brooks speak for herself Although one day in the life of a school teacher is pretty much the same as the next at night. You wish you were dead Not that I'm bored How could I be with mr. Philip Boynton teaching biology at Madison? Of course every new frog he gets in his laboratory represents an arch rival But I shouldn't complain it gives me an added interest in life each morning before I get out of bed I look down to see if I'm getting webbed feet Somehow ever since we've been on the faculty together mr. Boynton just doesn't seem to think of me as a woman I can't quite understand that because when I think of mr. Boynton, I always think of me as a woman And I almost always think of mr. Boynton or dream about him like the other morning around 725 Oh, of course Philip. I'd love to go dancing with you. When will you come for me? That's quick work It's mrs. Davis The alarm clock went off. It's so loud and nerve-wracking. Oh, I'm pretty used to it by now, mrs. Davis I always like to clear my throat before I pour orange juice into it I guess I better get up and perform my morning ablutions like they say you can a blue later, Connie You stay right where you are. Oh, but mrs. Davis at 730. No, no, it isn't I set the clock a half hour ahead But why snap? Snap that's right. They want pictures of you from the minute you first wake up till you go to sleep. Who does snap You're fated All this about mrs. Davis snap is a magazine Connie Sometime ago, I read that they were looking for the ideal American teacher for an interview The next thing I knew the layout editor was here in town and it called me up for an appointment with you me But why me I guess somebody recommended you as the mother teacher Somebody like who somebody like me I Wrote them all about you what a wonderful teacher you are and how all your pupils love you Oh, you shouldn't have done that mrs. Davis. I didn't what I discovered the letter in my desk this morning I'd forgotten to mail it So it must have been somebody else who here they are Connie. They've been waiting in the living room, but mrs. Davis I'm not dressed come on in Snap snaps a school teacher. Where is a little lady? Well and not such a little lady after all tootsies reach all the way over the end of the bed Those are my stockings hanging over the rail Miss Peterson Pete to my friends and this is mrs. Farris, how do you do if you'll just wait in the living room for a few minutes? I'll get myself well frankly miss Brooks We'd rather start in here. You see, I'm the layout editor. That's nice, but before you lay me out To comb my hair and wash my face I wish you wouldn't just put your head back on the pillow for a minute. Will you oh, but I do you pose the way the folks Want you to Connie? I'm going to make some breakfast for all of us Well, that'll be our second shot snap snaps a school teacher snapping up a breakfast Good, huh? very snappy I was saying my dear we don't want you to do a thing for this picture Realism is what our readers want the eyelids practically stuck together Little straggly clumps of hair flopping over the ears and those little tired lines around the mouth It looks like it just tasted a raw lamb chop We want you just the way you are Have you picked your Paul bearers yet? Oh That's just what we want that snarling look when the teacher first gets up in the morning. Got it. Now listen you We're going to be together all day. It'll be much more pleasant for all of us if you cooperate Well, it isn't that I don't want to cooperate It's just that I don't like to have my picture taken without a little makeup Even if it's only an inch or two like you've got on Little makeup a dab here and a dab there here a dab there a dab everywhere a dab there No, Miss Forrest, I'm not sure I really want this spread. I know dear But when a woman reaches a certain age some spread is inevitable about it after breakfast I'm starved good. Will you join us at the table or do you want your saucer of milk on the back fence? Enjoyed my pancakes. You know the batter is my own invention. Oh, really? They're watching it if she tells you you'll never eat them again Instead of eggs, I use hot peanut oil Then to the customary amount of flour and milk I had half a cup of baking powder mixed with cornmeal two cups of yami yogurt and While the whole thing is being whipped in the mix master I gradually add a teaspoon full of cider vinegar and just a smidgen of goose liver She's got a recipe for stuffed cabbage that would send you screaming into the hills Oh now Connie it isn't that good Well, I'll help you clear the table, Mrs. Davis. Oh get a shot of this Pete school teacher helps out with chores at home before going to classroom Here take a stack of dishes miss Brooks. All right. I don't mind. You're taking my picture so much now that I'm dressed Well, I don't blame you my dear. That's a very nice suit Shark skin, isn't it? Yes, it is such durable material one can tell at a glance that it's worn you for years You're very observant it would be a shame to see those great big eyes of yours closed for a while I think maybe you'd better get somebody else for these pictures But can they think of the prestige it will give you at school it will of course Everybody making a fuss over you why I bet it would make even mr. Boynton sit up and beg mr. Boynton The school mascot. He's a schnauzer Oh, never mind don't worry about it. I've changed my mind. You can take all the pictures you want. Oh That must be Walter Denton. He said he'd pick me up this morning. Oh, that's right Your car is in the repair shop again, isn't it Connie? Oh, you own a car miss Brooks? Yes, I do Well, what kind of a car? Well, I had a brand new 49 Hudson, but I didn't want to show off so I traded it for a 32 studs Must be nice to have a man call for you in the morning. Who is he? The well-known absent minded professor. No, dear. This one's more your type. Oh 16 years old and he can't run very fast You think Walter mind if we ride down to school with you miss Brooks. Oh, I guess it'll be all right come along. Goodbye, Mrs. Davis Goodbye, Miss Forrest. Thanks for breakfast I'll help you sterilize the mix master Well, good morning, Walter boy somebody looks yummy this morning Why Walter do you really think I sure do miss Brooks? Where did you meet her? Oh You mean Miss Forrest Miss Forrest mr. Peterson meet Walter Denton there with snap magazine Walter glad to know you Walter Hi, well, I'm certainly glad to make your acquaintance. Mr. Denton What subject do you teach at Madison High? Teach. Oh, I'm not a teacher Although I do coach some of the younger students and subjects that just naturally come easy to me Lunch period and study hall Well, it was a natural mistake you seem so gallant so worldly, mr. Denton. I just call me Walter Then you must call me Stephanie I must Gosh Do you really think I'm worldly Stephanie? I certainly do I knew this morning was gonna be different Even though it started out like all the other crummy mornings in my life On my way over here. I just felt that something romantic was going to happen and sure enough Here you are Why Walter what a lovely speech. It's not a speech. It's merely what I feel Stephanie Shall we go to school now Walter or just stay here in the Casbah? Our miss Brooke starring Eve Arden will continue in just a moment But first here is Vern Smith with an important announcement ladies. What's your complexion problem? My skin's so dingy Mine's oily my skin's dull course-looking for a lovelier complexion You must stop improper cleansing instead use palm olive soap the way doctors advised Leading skin specialists have now proved the palm olive plan using nothing But palm olive soap can bring fresher brighter complexions. Yes regardless of age type of skin or previous beauty care Now here's what these doctors advised wash your face with palm olive soap Massaging for one minute with palm olives soft lovely leather this cleansing massage brings your skin palm olive soaps full beautifying effect Rinse do this three times a day for 14 days. It's that simple But remember 36 doctors leading skin specialists advised this way for 1285 women with all types of skin dry oily normal young older and prove this plan Using palm olive alone nothing else really works for two out of three So for a lovelier complexion forget all other beauty care instead do as these doctors advised Use palm olive for a fresher brighter complexion for loveliness all over use big thrifty bath size Palm olive in your tub or shower You know folks when I read that snap magazine was looking for a model teacher I was going to write in and suggest miss Brooks But then the midterm exams came along and I got kind of busy and I yeah But honest I was going to miss Brooks. Thanks anyway, Walter. I think Is her picture going to appear on the cover when the story comes out? I imagine so Walter Gee, that's great. It'll sure be a relief from those pictures of glamorous young girls in bathing suits with legs It may come as a shock to you Walter, but I've got legs myself. You have yeah Of course, they may not be as pretty as Marlena Dietrichs, but then I'm not a grandmother either You're not Rancid one Maybe we'd better change the subject Miss Forrest Stephanie after you get through taking pictures of Miss Brooks at school You ought to get some at the faculty student malt hop this afternoon Malt hop well the faculty call it a tea dance, but we call it a malt hop because it's held in Weber's mall shop Sounds fascinating. Yeah, they serve a wonderful malt there Their slogan is our malts are too thick to sip through a straw. You have to eat it with a spoon Some of them are even too thick to eat with a spoon Some of them are even too thick to dance in We've got a swell jukebox and a cute little dance floor Yeah, before we get to school Stephanie. I'd like to ask you Would you Could you she wouldn't she couldn't she'll be there ten minutes ahead of you? You sound a little put out you weren't by any chance expecting Walter to ask you to the hop me no I go with a girl I Did you what do you think miss Brooks is a blackboard eraser with teeth? Yeah, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings miss Brooks. No, you didn't Walter. I'm used to it I was just wondering about Harriet Conklin. Did you have a date with her for this afternoon? Oh sure, but there was nothing definite about it. I merely asked her if she wanted to go to the hop and she said yes I didn't know it was that tentative I guess you're going to the dance with mr. Boynton, huh miss Brooks Oh, do they let schnauzers in Now it was just a joke Walter. I referred to mr. Boynton as our mascot He's really the biology teacher at Madison Miss Forest and what a teacher boy. Is he good-looking? Oh really, Walter? Yeah, he's tall dark handsome stoop shoulder knock me cross-eyed Hey, isn't this the school? Oh, yeah, I almost passed it Yes, I was looking at somebody on my right Well, if you'll just turn your head Walter you'll see Harriet approaching on your left. Good morning, Walter miss Brooks Oh, I didn't know you had passengers. Well, this is Miss Forest and mr. Peterson Harriet. They're here from snap magazine How do you do I if you'll excuse me? I'd like to get some atmosphere shots at the campus Oh, yes, do that snap has picked miss Brooke as the model American teacher. Oh, that's wonderful miss Brooks Coincidence coincidence Harriet. Oh, yes when I read about it I sat right down and wrote them a letter recommending you well Thank you Harriet, but of all the silly things to do. I forgot to put a stamp on it It just came back the other day. That's just like a child of your age Harriet What do you mean child Walter? Do you see Stephanie? This is the infant I allowed to toddle at my heels when I'm not involved with some more glamorous creature like yourself Walter Denton, what's gotten into you on this crummy morning? Walter's become a man of the world Well, I'd better find a place to park all those that want to better get out here and miss Brooks Hinter you walk you back to school. I was hoping you would I Don't like the way that woman looks period She's certainly a chic in a cobra-like sort of way Has she seen mr. Boynton yet bite your tongue girl Well, I think you ought to get permission from daddy before you go through with this interview after all he is Madison's principal Harriet you've given me an idea I must admit I kind of liked all the attention because I thought it would make mr. Boynton sit up and take notice But I never stopped to think that he might sit up and notice the wrong thing Well, maybe daddy won't consent to the interview then you'll have to clear right now Harriet you are wise beyond your years. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to beg for your father's unpermission Talk to you for a moment. Mr. Conklin. I'm all ears miss Brooks. Yes Conklin snap magazine wants to do a layout on me as a model teacher for 1948 you miss Brooks Isn't it ridiculous? They've sent a Miss Forrest and the mr. Peterson to take pictures of me and the unpainted school And the overcrowded classrooms and the strained looks on the faces of the pupils I can't allow that miss Brooks. Of course you can I mean you can Certainly not. It's beneath the dignity of Madison High way beneath mr. Conklin I've always looked upon Madison High and his teachers as my family and it's the first rule of a family that its problems be kept to Itself strictly to itself We should not hang out our wash for every Tom Dick and Harry to see Tom Dick and Harry should not see our wash now Won't do you any good to argue miss Brooks. I've made up my mind Publicity is nothing but a cheap parasitic device designed to prey on the unfettered appetites of the unsuspecting publicity is Oh You must be mr. Conklin. I've been looking forward to meeting you mr. Conklin. I'm Stephanie Forrest of snap magazine Won't you sit down Miss Forrest I'll be with you in a moment As I was saying miss Brooks publicity is the foremost blessing of our century. It makes the unknown known It brings information and joy into the home of everyone. I can just see Tom Dick and Harry peeking at my wash Miss Forrest I was just explaining to miss Brooks what this wonderful Exploitation will mean to Madison High and its problem. Oh, I'm so glad you see it that way mr. Conklin You and I will have to work together on this. I'll need your advice on so many things Of course miss Farron. Oh Well, that's not be so formal you can call me Stephanie and you can call me ours good You can call me a doctor. I'm ill Settled I'll get a hold of Pete and we'll start shooting miss Brooks at once fine. I'll bring my own blindfold I didn't know you were busy sir. Well, I am boy, and you'd better come back later. So you're mr. Boynton Well, no wonder I've heard so much about Madison's biology department Well, thank you miss, uh, miss, uh, don't look at me. I never saw her before in my life Miss Brooks has such a quaint sense of humor. My name is Stephanie Forrest But you can call her miss Forrest if you want to live to see your frogs again Oh, what's that miss Brooks? Never mind miss Brooks now Boynton. What do you mean now? Miss Brooks, will you stop mumbling? Boynton miss Forrest here is going to do a story on miss Brooks for snap magazine Oh, really? Then they must have picked you as the model teacher. That's wonderful miss Brooks You know, I was going to write in and suggest your name myself But then I got all wrapped up in my pigmentation experiments and neglected to do so Well, it's nice to know that you thought of me Well, now that you're here Boynton, what is it you wanted to talk to me about? Well, sir, uh, it's something I need for my guinea pigs, but uh, I'd rather talk to you when when you're alone Oh, come now, mr. Boynton, you mustn't keep anything back from a reporter What is it you need for the creatures Boynton? I Rather not say in mixed company, sir. Oh, come now. We're over 21. Some of us are way over Oh, come on Boynton out with it. What do you need for those guinea pigs? Well, if you insist Uh, hormones peculiar behavior You ran right out of the room. Well, uh, I guess I'd better be running along to mr. Conklin Just a minute miss Forrest. Shouldn't we give the quarry a few minutes head start? Right you are Now chosen by snap magazine as the model american school teacher of 1948 Thank you. Thank you boys and girls and now I'd like you to meet miss Forrest snaps layout editor Quiet boys Thank you class now before we take any pictures miss Brooks Would you please ask those boys standing in the back of the room to sit down? They are sitting down miss Forrest. They're sitting on the top of the desk But why well with the room as crowded as it is I use them as lifeguards Lifeguards. Yes, they keep the smaller children from being shoved into the inkwells Snap magazine sits in while miss Constance Brooks acts as faculty advisor to a student club The Socrates philosophy club will now come to order Thank you, Walter Miss Brooks, I must ask you to stop combing your hair and fixing your makeup between classes You're making yourself look like a human being and this layout is supposed to feature a school teacher Well, I'm sorry miss Forrest. It's just that so many school teachers I've met bear such a marked resemblance to human beings Well, we'll just stick a few pencils in your hair and throw a little chalk dust on your suit There that's better Now just continue as if I weren't here. That'll be a pleasure Now let's get on with the meeting walter. Yes, ma'am Our subject is should a high school graduate turn to teaching as a career But what I mean miss Brooks is in the face of our inflated economy What security is there in the teaching profession? Well, walter the way I figure it is this when I first started to teach school a dollar was worth a dollar Last year a dollar was worth 60 cents and this year it's worth 40 cents So if I were earning more I'd be getting poorer all the time Thus by being a school teacher. I'm actually saving for a rainy day Snap joins miss Brooks for lunch in the school cafeteria Thanks so much for getting my lunch, mr. Boyden. You're very welcome miss Brooks. Here's your change Let's see I'm uh, I'm swiss on rye You're the stuffed tomato and uh What am I now there's an opening you could drive a truck through Pete going to take any pictures while I'm eating in a few minutes. He's getting a bite himself right now Oh good, then you'll have time to smear some mayonnaise on my nose Frankly darling, I'm not terribly interested in you at the moment Mr. Boyden when we chased you into your laboratory before you wouldn't tell us whom you were taking to the malt hop this afternoon Well, I really don't know if I should leave my work. You see there you are Stephanie. I've been looking all over for you You're going to the hop with me, aren't you? Well, I can't tell yet walter Good afternoon folks a miss forest as principal of madison high I feel that it is my very pleasant duty to invite you to the faculty student dance this afternoon Well, really mr. Conklin. I don't know if I'll be finished with my work That is could I give you my answer after I've eaten? I haven't had a bit of lunch. Oh, I'm sorry miss forest I'll go get you a tray. I'll get your knife and fork if you just take my arm miss forest I'll personally escort you to the steam table Oh Shall we have lunch together? No, thanks harried. I'm quite full. I've just eaten my heart out I saw what happened just now Well, it's my own fault harried my sins have come to roost Well, what do you mean miss brooks? I knew it. I just knew it knew what I knew I shouldn't have sent that wire to snap magazine recommending me as the model teacher Miss brooks returns in just a moment, but first dream girl dream girl beautiful luster cream Tonight show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo Only luster cream brings you k-doomits magic formula blend of secret ingredients plus gentle lanolin Gives loveliness lather even in hardest water Glamorizes your hair as you wash it Luster cream not a soap not a liquid, but a dainty cream shampoo leaves hair Fragmently clean free of loose dandruff glistening with sheen Soft manageable gives new beauty to all hairdos or permanence Four ounce jar one dollar smaller sizes either tubes or jars Tonight try luster cream shampoo and be a dream girl dream girl Beautiful luster cream girl you owe your crowning glory to A luster cream shampoo And now once again here is our miss brooks Well things didn't work out quite as badly as I expected they would Right before the dance one of mr. Boynton's guinea pigs had a blessed event triplets in fact And mr. Boynton couldn't find a sitter for them anywhere So he didn't even attend the hop Walter denham was kept in after school by his history teacher and After a couple of dances with mr. Conklin Stephanie forest packed up her equipment packed up peat and packed us in Not long after that I was sitting in the cafeteria one day when walter rushed over all excited miss brooks It's out snap magazine with a four page spread of you as america's model teacher Let's see that walter. I've got it open to the story. Oh, I'll read the story later How about the cover is my picture on it? Well, it says portrait of model school teacher miss brooks, but Here you better look for yourself How do you like that stephanie forest a blackboard eraser with teeth? Next week tune into another our miss brooks show brought to you by promolic soap Your beauty hope and luster cream shampoo for soft glamorous dream girl hair Our miss brooks starring eve arden is produced by larry burns written and directed by al lewis with music By wilbur hatch mr. Boynton is played by jeff chandler Mr. Conklin by gale gordon others in tonight's cast were jane morgan dick crana gloria mcmillan mary jane croft and jack crucian Dentists know what cleans teeth best and over four thousand dentists say Colgate tooth powder with a two-minute routine gets teeth sparkling and super clean So to remove dull film and get your teeth shining clean Just brush teeth two minutes morning and night with colgate tooth powder Brush inside outside and biting surfaces always brush away from the gums See how this gets teeth naturally bright it removes dull film that improper brushing misses And colgate tooth powder also sweetens your breath try it buy colgate tooth powder today For mystery liberally sprinkled with laughs listen to mr. And mrs. North The exciting fun fact adventures of an amateur park avenue detective and his beautiful wife Tune in tuesday evenings over most of these same stations And be with us again next week at the same time for another comedy episode of our miss brooks bob luman speaking This is cbs where 99 million people gather every week the columbia broadcasting system