 The makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Cy Howard and starring as celebrated actor Mr. J. Carol Nash with Alan Reed as a squalor. And the makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum are glad to bring you life with Luigi because they feel it's a friendly, good-natured show that offers you relaxation and enjoyment. And they'd like to mention the fact that they're proud of it. Wrigley's Spear Mint gum offers you relaxation and enjoyment too. It's pleasant to chew on a smooth piece of Wrigley's Spear Mint whether you're working, shopping, listening to your radio or doing just about anything. Wrigley's Spear Mint gum tastes good, it's refreshing and the good easy chewing gives you comfort and satisfaction. Now Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum brings you Luigi as he writes another letter describing his adventures in America to his mama Vasco in Italy. Mummy, just like Italian people, American people, they love to dance. Only in Italy, we do the talentela and here is the djida bug. I'm going to think a bigger difference is in Italy, they're crazy about dancing and in America, when they're dancing, they look crazy. Oh, mummy, you shouldn't see them. Once I went to party and the younger people there was a dancing djida bug, first they danced it closer, then the boy throws the girl away. She kicked up with her feet and then he's a grabber by the neck, a throw over his back and if the music wasn't a player, you'd think the girl was fighting her for her life. However, you know how I love to dance in Mamma Mia. So you can imagine how I'm going to enjoy tomorrow night, one of my night schoolers are going to have a big dance in a school gymnasium and I'm going to go. If you're the dancer, you're going to dance, you're just a bouncer, but I'm going to maybe take it. And now I'm going to go to my night schooler class, so I'm going to finish up on my letter later. America, I love you. You're like an apartment to me. But I'm more excited. I'm going to go mountain. All right, class, class, please, please. Goodness, what's that big grin on your face? It's just the color of the spotting, we've got a bigger surprise for you. All right, Mr. Vasco. Who won? Mr. Hawick. Who? Mr. Olson. Mr. Schultz. Chick. Don't call me Arthur Murray and Schmeier. And Miss Baldwin, nobody is going to know nothing today because we're all excited about the bigger dancer tomorrow. That's right. Are there going to be a lot of people there, Miss Baldwin? Your hotel is Miss Baldwin. Even I don't feel like studying. I can't be too playful. Can I ask that you hear Olson? Yeah, that's like Einstein asking somebody to join him in a game of posse. Well, all right. Yes, there will be a big crowd. Mr. Orth, our principal, has decided to invite all the other night schools. And the big surprise is that the entire evening will be devoted to square dance. Oh, dear. Oh, wonderful. Mr. Vasco, you look confused. Is something bothering you? Well, I'm... I'm going to advance this to square dance, Miss Baldwin. People will love it, Luigi. You take your partner, swing her around and swing your ma and swing your pa and clean up the kitchen like you swept the floor. Yeah, but I'm not sure. So what kind of dances are where you swing at a par with your partner, clean up at the kitchen or with your mama and then... Stop, Luigi. You got it all for schimmel. Those are only the words of a square dance. Don't worry, Mr. Vasco. Some square dances are very simple. I'm sure you'll catch on quickly. Miss Baldwin, who is going to be the caller? You know, it's really important to get a good caller for a spare dance. Well, I don't know, Mr. Olsen. Mr. Olsen hasn't selected one yet. Incidentally, if you know of a good one, he'd appreciate hearing from you. Oh, and by the way, gentlemen, you're all invited to bring your wives to the dance. Well, unfortunately, my wife, Rita, has got to watch it to babies. My wife Olga is expecting her sister in the moment. Yeah, my wife Esther is knitting at rest with some bull I just bought her. Let's not get rid of the opposition. Now, what about you, Luigi? Well, I'm a donno-no-guzzam. I'm a come-by-myself. Besides, why shouldn't we come alone, if all of you are? Thank you, Miss Baldy. Well, do you see what I think? Why shouldn't we come alone? Thank you, Miss Baldy. Smells to me like a romance. No, friends, please. Roses are red, magnets are blue. At this instance, I mean instance. Miss Baldy, tell me, do you get mad when we talk like that? I do. And Luigi, do you get mad, too? I do. Good, I now pronounce you man-on-vive. Well, a wonderful time at this square. Luigi, my friend. Hello, Luigi, hello, hello. Hello, first party. You're late to coming home from your class, little banana nose. Miss Baldy, you forget how much is a one-on-one, so did she keep you in after school? No, first party. Well, it's a little later, so I'm going to... Oh, wait a minute. Calm down or relax. I understand. Is it going to be a big dance tomorrow night in your school, Luigi? That's just a little dance, first party. In a gymnasium. Just for the classes. Only a few people are going to come. Maybe I'm not even going to go. If I go, it's just to take a look. Luigi. Huh? You're fighting with something that's a bigger than the both of us. I know. Rosa. Don't talk like that about you dancing apart, no, Luigi. Yeah, Baldy Pasquale, this is a square dance. So what? It's impossible to square dance with somebody who's so round. Baldy Pasquale, please, let me learn, let me... First, I'm going to learn all about this square dancing. Look, look, Luigi, you're Paco Rosa. I'm going to go along with you and teach you. You know, I'm a wonderful dancer. So happens, I'm going to go ahead of a square dancer. Yeah, go to be Pasquale. You're the biggest square dancer I ever saw. That's a funny thing. When I'm a sailor, it's a come out of differ. Well, what do you say, little man in the head? Taking Rosa? Much better. What's the use? I'm going to take Rosa to a few dances, and I'm going to never could dance with her. Why not? Because dancing with Rosa, I feel like I'm taking a hitch on the ice track. No, but I'm going to have to take nobody. Shoots, all sorts of other words. They're not even taking their wives. Ah, there. You're sailor, Luigi. That's why I always say you should marry Rosa. Marry her? Why? You're single. You've got to take her. But if you married, you've got a perfect right to leave her home. But Pasquale, I'm going to make you very happy. You're going to marry Rosa? No, I'm not going to leave her home. There's a Pasquale out of my way, because I'm going to go over to Tony. Tony? With the accordion? Pushing the squeeze box? That's a matter. You're going to get him to supplies the music? No, but maybe he's enough of a good caller for the square dancer. The principal in the school is asking if we know one who could have called him. That's Tony. It's a phone number, then a telephone. Wait, I'm not ready to let you go yet. First, uh... Okay, okay. You go find a caller out of Lily Cabbage Puts. I'm going to mind the stall for you. Oh, thanks. Thanks, Pasquale. There's enough for her to fill in. No, no. Oh, the poppy squeak. No hard feelings. His artery should be so hard. Where's that phone number? I'm going to fix it here, but it's good. This is for the Friday. Tomorrow, no school. The day of the dance. Uh, excuse me, please. Do I have the honor to talk with Mr. Orton, the principal? Speaking. Who is this? That's Pasquale, the fellow important Luigi Vasco from Italy. I met him once and opened a school week, remember? Oh, yes. You're the one whose daughter got stuck in the door. Yes, that's me. Mr. Orton, I'm calling to do you a big favor. I'm calling to do you a big favor by the square dance at the Maronite. Oh! I found out you're looking for somebody to call out the dances, so I figured why let the school spend its good money when the champion square dancer called in all of Chicago can have you got the for nothing free, absolutely gratis. Really? Who is this man? Luigi Vasco, fellow Mrs. Baldwin's class. What? But why hasn't he volunteered himself? Well, he's the bashful type. You wouldn't believe it, Mr. Orton. He's going with my daughter three years. He ain't got the nerve to ask her to marry him. I see. Well, it's all right with me, Mr. Pasquale, but are you sure Mr. Vasco can handle those square dance calls? Am I sure, Mr. Orton? In Italy, Luigi was the best caller of all. Look, here's how he does it. Vieni Bambini, subito, rambalari with the dosido. There, there. How's that sound? It sounds all right. What is it? That's a square dance without English translation. Look, Mr. Orton, Luigi knows a hundred of them by heart and in English. Well, that sounds fine, and we won't have to call on an outside help. Does he have a band? An orchestra. Now, don't worry. Leave everything to Luigi Vasco, and tomorrow night you're going to hear calls like you never heard of before. Return to life with Luigi. We'd like to say a word about the chewing enjoyment delicious wriggly spear mint gum gives you. You see, one reason wriggly spear mint is an ideal treat is simply this. It not only tastes good, but you can chew and enjoy it right while you're doing other things. Many office and factory people, for instance, chew wriggly spear mint to ease tension and make their work more pleasant. Lots of women enjoy chewing wriggly spear mint while doing housework. It's well to chew when you're driving your car and enjoying movies, radio, or television. Yes, friends, wriggly spear mint gum is a taste treat and a chewing treat that fits right in with your daily activities. You can chew it almost any time and anywhere. So treat yourself often to refreshing, delicious, wriggly spear mint gum. Get some when you go to the store and always keep a package or two handy. Now, let's turn to page two of Luigi Vasco's letter to his mother in Italy. Well, mom and me tonight, we got a big square dancer and all day I'm so excited I've shaved myself three times since this morning. Once I've even forgot to put in a blade. And also, mom and me, I'm a took-a-shoes advice. I'm going out to water myself a blue jeans a cowboy shirt that had a hacka-chip for on the neck. And the man has tried to sell me what's called ten-a-gallon-a-hacka. He's a put-it-on to me. I'm a look-in-a-mirror. I'm deciding not to take it. It was about three gallons of too big. Come on, mom and me. I'm gonna feel so good today. Luigi, my fellow boob. Hello, sir. Well, I'm ready to go to the dancer. Look, how I'm a look-in-a-mirror. Did you ever hear of General Kostas Lashdam? Yes, sir. I'm a look-a-like a general Kostas. No, no, you look like Frozen Kasta. Hi, Schultz. Schultz, you're joking. Joking? I'm just staring. Ach, Schmein. Think of all the fun we are gonna have. Yeah, but, Schultz, you stay with me, huh? Don't worry, I'm looking. I'll call you. I'm answering. Hello? Hello, Mr. Basko. This is Mr. Orr. The principal. Oh, human. You've got to be old designer. Him or to what do I... I mean... Yes, sir, Mr. Orr? Mr. Basko, are you ready to sashay round the hall? Oh, sure, sure. I'm ready to sashay. I mean... Meet your partner. Come and aid home. Do we do what are they doing? I don't know. So far he's a dancer with me and a telephone. See you soon, Mr. Basko. Yeah, right. Hello, Mr. Orr. Mr. Orr. Yeah, yeah, soon. I just wanted to be sure that your voice was in fine shape. Oh, Mr. Orr, this is in a wonderful shape. Good. Frankly, I wasn't so sure you'd be a good caller. A good caller? Next time don't be so bashful. Mr. Baskoale hadn't told me about you. It would have cost the school twenty-five dollars. Well, goodbye. Yeah, but wait. Hey, wait, wait. Mr. Orr. What's the matter? Don't faint till you tell me. Mr. Orr. Excuse me, my name. I'm a little bit of squared dancer. God, everybody's expecting me. Why didn't you tell them the whole thing is kakai? They didn't even give me a chance to... I should see what I'm assured, though. I don't know, but if there's a three-o'clock rocket ship leaving for the moon today, do I have it? Mama, mama, mama. That's the worst thing that's gonna happen. No, wait. Wait into my head. An idea just poof. Maybe we can beat that steaming pasquale after all. So what is it, what am I going to do? Downtown at the Orpheum Theater, they got this fella, Spade Coolie. But stop standing there with your mouth open. Don't you know who Spade Coolie is? Some MacArthur player? And you got a color square dance in three hours. No, Spade Coolie is a Western band leader, one of America's biggest Western entertainers. Now, you go backstage to him, tell him anything, but try to make him come to the dance. But what if he's in a water? Then grab one of his guns and shoot your dance. In that case, ask him to teach you how to call a square dance. Yeah, he, he should have teach you, man. Maybe you, you, you. That's a good idea, Schultz. Schultz, that's a good idea. I'm gonna learn it. Good, good. Now, go on. I'll go to the dance and stall a little, and you go to Spade Coolie. Oh, Schultz, Schultz, thanks for your little friend. Who would have thought you would be there? Everything's gonna be all right, you know. No, she'll be like me, always happy, always laughing. Ha, ha, ha, ha, whoo. My homotism is killing me. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. They didn't see me. So he's gonna go to the office, but see Spade Coolie, huh? Well, I'm a candlelight, no grass, I grow underneath to my feet. I think I'm gonna do some laughing to myself. Ha, ha, ha, ha, whoo, whoo. That's funny, I got a pain in my back, too. Mr. Baskerville, I sure would like to help you out, but I just can't go along with you. Oh, well, that's too bad. I really am sorry, because I always looked like to help a fan, you know. A fan? Do you like a fan, sir? Are you kidding? I owe everything to my fan. Oh, that's the way they call you, Coolie. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Look, I've got to go on and get ready for my show now. No, please, please, Mr. Fan, I mean, Mr. Coolie. You know all about the West. I sure do, I've spent my whole life there. Why am I happy as days when I used to saddle up mulled doggy and ride the range? You was to put a saddle on a dog and sit in a gasser and... Ha, ha, ha, ha. Look, I've got the... No, please, please, please, Mr. Coolie, I'm gonna get a terrible trouble. That was a make-me-call-it-out thing in the school square dancer tonight, but I'm gonna know what to call out there. Is that all the trouble is why a shuck's that easy? Why don't you give up with a little turkey in this stall and then follow it up with a little brown jug? Mama, you mean I'ma gotta bring you the food and the drink, too? Ha, ha, ha. No, no, no, that's just the name of a couple of little square dance tunes. Now, look, Basko, I've got to get on the stage in a few minutes, so I'm gonna give it to you real quick. Calling square dances is the easiest thing in the world. You know the first thing you want to do when you get up there on the stand? No, what? Well, you yell out the directions like this. All right, set squares out on the four of these. Four couples to each set. First couple stands with the back to me, second couple on the right, third couple faced with me, fourth couple on the left, and then Gents' partner on the right, corner on the left. Now you got that, Basko? Oh, what? Huh? Ha, ha, ha. Well, I'ma gonna try, Mr. Cool. I must see now that Gents' partner facing with the back to the front and the left to the right. Oh, now, oh, now, eh. Mama, I'ma sound her so bad that he's calling me Nellie. Ha, ha, ha. No, no, don't worry. Now after everyone gets out on the floor, you try a couple of basic calls like this one. Swing that lady opposite you, now you swing your koo-chee-coo. Birdie in the cage and the buzzard steps in and the birdie steps out and the buzzard's on a limb. Try that, Basko. Birdie in the buzzard and the koo-chee-coo and the straights are down. No, no, no. The bird's in the cage and the buzzard steps in. Mama, here's a gonna eat the poor baby. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, Mr. Cool, Mr. Cool, the jump. Mama got lots of trouble. Here's a look impossible. I'ma never gonna learn in a time. Well, try this one then, Basko. Take your partner and prominate down. Come. You said a prominate. Well, oh, this, I'ma hide this. My principle is a pyramid, that is. There, now you're catching on, Basko. That means the ladies cross their forearms, taking each other's right hand in the right, left hand in the left and they move around the set, counter-clockwise. Now you get it? Oh, sure. Let us attack at a gent's arms, he's across to the right, they're with the left, he's left in the right and then they're going. What's the matter, Basko? Mama, here with me, everybody's a gonna need a forearms at tonight. Mr. Orc, Mr. Orc, don't worry about Luigi. He'll be here any minute. Well, I certainly hope so. The crowd is getting so red. Horrible, horrible. Horrible, did you talk to him? Yeah, yeah, Schultz, I even told him Luigi would bring the music. Schultz, you suppose Luigi could forget it? Forget it. If he does, Horrible, you and me are gonna be the first human guitars I've ever heard of. Oh, Schmeis, Schmeis, everything is gonna be all right. Look, there's Olsen trying to get next to me, Spaulding. Miss Spaulding, you look simply super nervous. Real western style. Would you do me the honor of joining me in the first dance tonight? Well, I've already promised Mr. Schultz. Well, here he is. Schultz, would you mind very much if I had the first dance? Well, this is all very flattering, Olsen, but I already promised my dance to Miss Spaulding. There's no Schmeis, everybody, have fun. Shh, shh, shh, there's Luigi. Even though in 10 minutes we may be dead. Luigi, come here, before anybody knows it from you. Tell me this, how did you make out for Spade Carly? It's a coolie, not the Carly. Carly, right now, I don't care if he's an Airdale. What happened? Well, Schultz, he was a very nice guy. First, he teach me a few things, and then I'm gonna watch a part of the show to learn how to go. Listen, now, they got a promenade, the granderites are left for chache with a partner's shave, and a haircut to shampoo. Luigi, you were supposed to learn how to be a barker, not a barbark. It looks like that Venus schnitzel is gonna come so far, as well. Oh, where's the mood? Cut down, I don't know what he's shooting. I'm gonna take care of everything. I got a tourney, all his friends. They're coming up the steps now with the music. Hey, look, there's Luigi Basko! Let's go, let's go, let's go! Yeah, yeah, let's go! Hello, Miss Spaulding. Oh, Mr. Basko, you look a little pale. Luigi is just excited. You came late, so you don't know it, Miss Spaulding, but Luigi's going to call the spare dancers tonight. Yes. Miss Spaulding, now, you look a little pale. Commander Luigi, here's Tony with the squeed park. Ladies and gentlemen, we are very happy indeed to have one of our old members of Miss Spaulding's night school class call out the square dancers. Mr. Luigi Basko! Thank you, thank you. I'm sorry I was late, but is it take a long time to make the trip off of those wide open spaces? Give a little to him, Ken Murray, Miss Spurs. All right, the square is set, so out on the floor, please. What couple each you set? The first couple stands over the back of to me, second a couple on the right, the third couple are facing to me, fourth a couple on the left, gentle partner's on the right, the corner's on the left, and excuse me, friends, I'm going to come up for failure. All right, all right, now, ready to go. Music, a maestro. Swing it, and the opposite of you, push on a buzzard and a kuchiko. Come on in, come on in, with a hot a buzzard and with a buzzard, I'm in, I'm in, excuse me, friends, I make a big mistake, excuse me, please. All right, start again, please. Music, a maestro. Start with a buzzard, opposite of you, buddy, and it turns you with a shabbin' of hair, captain. Mamma mia, mamma mia, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna forget everything. Well listen, our fine dance we can't do. Shut up, if you don't like it, go back where you came from to Roseland. All right, Luigi, you were calling fine. Like a professional, spend it, enter. Friends, friends, I didn't know you, some spoiled everything before everybody. Mr. Ott, believe me, is not to my fault. Well, that's all right. How about some waltzes? Ah, Mr. Ott, you're a fella after my own heart. Waltzes, Mr. Ott, if you can lead, I'll follow. Oh, my money. Wait, wait, hold it, hold it, who is everybody? That's fine, bro. Evening ain't a losty after. Luigi, if you were to listen to me, you wouldn't have had to look like a catastrophe to your friend. So happens, and my name carries a lot of weight in the Chicago. Spades, come on in. Howdy, folks. Spades, come on in. You see, Luigi, now you believe I carry a lot of weight around here, eh? Mr. Pasquale explained to me how important it was for me to be here, and I just couldn't turn him down. Did he tell you who got Luigi into the strubble in the field? Please. Yeah, but what's the difference? She'll sit down as everybody is sitting here. Eh, Luigi, not to everybody. It's the saint in the party, waiting outside is the one to join the dance. Let me bring her in, Luigi. Let her in. Let her in. No, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait. Wait, friends, I'm a holding old grudging. I'll write the Pasquale, bring her in. All right. Hey, hey. Rosa. Rosa. Rosa! My little Judy come over. Because of you, poppers, carry a lot of weight and brought a spade of cooling. You go to dance. I choose the wheat. No, no, no, no, no, no, Miss Hagen, she's got a cause. What? I don't want to dance to it. She's got a cause. Never mind. She's a joint free. It's all right. All right, come on. Everybody join the hands. What's funny? You're on my left. I'm Miss Paul Ding on it. I said... Come on, Miss Paul Ding. All right. All right, boys. Let her flicker. Start the music. It's Wayne. You're 52. 30 indicates to the buzzer. Step down. The buzzer's on a limb. You like it? Hey, we'll do it again. See you to your papa. Luigi, don't push me so hard. Everything has come out to fine after all. That except for Pasquale. After the X-rays, he's the finalist. He's only got a three block and a ribs. Well, he's not to worry about it because he's a belong to the Blue Cross Hospital of Plans. But I don't think the Blue Cross is enough. I'm looking at where Ross is a fall on him and I'm thinking Pasquale is going to need the black and the Blue Cross Hospital. He'll only send Luigi Vasco, the little immigrant from the wide open spaces. Well, friends, the makers of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they'd like to remind you that Wrigley's Spearmint Gum is not only good, but also good for you. Chewing Wrigley's Spearmint is an aid to digestion, for instance. Then, too, it freshens your mouth, helps cleanse your teeth, and sweetens your breath. So you see, it's wise to chew a stick of Wrigley's Spearmint Gum after every meal, as well as between meals. It's for reasons like these, plus the fact that Wrigley's Spearmint Gum is a delicious treat that millions of people chew this refreshing gum every day. Next time you go to the store, get a few packages of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum. Remember, it's good and good for you. The makers of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum invite you to listen next week at this time when Luigi Vasco writes another letter to his mama Vasco in Italy. Life with Luigi is a sigh hard production. Pat Burton is associate producer. The script is written by Mac Benhoff and Lou German, and is directed by Mr. Benhoff. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Vasco, with Alan Reed as the squally, Hans Connery as Schultz, Joseph Gilbert as Rosa, Mary Schiff as Miss Folding, Joe Forte as Horowitz, and Ken Teeters as Olson. And our special thanks to Spade Cooley for his appearance this evening. The music is under the direction of Lud Bluffin, this is Charles Lyon. This is the CBS Radio Network.