 Hi, and welcome back to Let's Talk Tachlis. Wow, we just finished filming a new episode. I promise you'll love it. We'll find it very entertaining, I hope, I believe. I'd like to thank you all for your tremendous support, ideas, comments, and enthusiasm for this podcast. Bochashem, it's growing and it's becoming popular. It's all due to your credit. You can always email us at letstalktachlisnow.tv. We want to hear from you. And as you can see, we are improving as we go along. And it's all with your help and input. I'd also like to welcome our new sponsor, Caliber Business Consulting. I'll talk to you later about them and how to reach them, a few technical notes. Please subscribe to whichever podcast format you're listening to, and also share it with your friends. After all, it's your home, your venue, our guest, let's together make it successful. Thanks again for your support. It's really appreciated and it's evident in the market. Bochashem, so let's get rolling. Hello and welcome again to Let's Talk Tachlis. Thank you so much for joining us. Today we have a guest that personifies the goal in the mission of Let's Talk Tachlis. As you know, our goal is to bring ideas, visions, concepts, from every good common Jew. We love common Jews, we love common Eden. And to us, every Yiddish has Yiddish and a Shomer. And we know that there's so much wisdom and experience and practicality. Let's call it within every Yiddish a person. It's a special gift we got from Bocham from the Ibishtes. So today we have a very fresh guest, fresh in a good way, in a positive way. I would hope so. My friend, Jack Clarksburn, hi, welcome. So how are you? Bochashem, it was fun driving into Brooklyn. Yes, Jack came to us all the way from Thames River to Goodall, Brooklyn. I think you have some relations to Brooklyn in your resume. Grew up not too far from here on 44th Street, 14th and 15th. Very nice. 48 years, this is where I lived. Wow, I know you made a big impact on our city. That's... At me. Anyway, we brought Jack to our studio at our podcast because among other things, Jack is doing his working with kids and boys that needs special attention for psychological reasons, for behavioral reasons. And although this is not his, I believe, bread and butter, but he's doing it totally as a volunteer because he likes to do chesed and he likes to be nice to the world where he lives and to the people that surround him and we look up to such people. So let's hear a little bit, Jack. What's going on? What's cooking? Not much, Bochashem. Well, so, well, thank you for having me here. It's my first go around with these types of situations. Actually, my second, but so please, I'm not a professional, don't hold it against me. I'm just a regular guy sitting here talking to a friend. So that's really what it is. But I do want to add on number one. I grew up in a Hasidish environment. I went to Yushivan Satmer. I went to Monroe, believe it or not. I'm actually the poster boy. No, I'm just kidding. And I lived in Barra Park most of my life or Flatbush for a big part of it and then moved to Thames River about three years ago. But when a good friend calls, we always try to accommodate. So these, everything we're going to discuss is not, I'm not trained, I'm not licensed. There's nothing like that. These are just personal observations, I guess, from 50 years of living, dealing with unfortunate situations over probably the last five, six years of being involved with crisis management and things like that with individuals and just living life. So if you keep your eyes open and your mind open, you can always learn. And that's what I've been trying to do for the last many years. And you're doing it well. I try. So if you're all mine, let's talk a little bit about quickly about your past. Like if you can summarize what, in the Tachles, they were this, let's talk Tachles or all about Tachles. And it's a Tachles takeaway, like what do you think got you to change slightly the direction? Slightly, I mean, whichever way, no, okay. So the truth of the matter is when you look at me, you know, trim beard, no payus, the first thing you're going to think that probably I just went crazy when I was 20 years old and that's actually not what happened. I was not the kid that was the Dalit student in class. I was an Avalov student. I love to learn. As I grew up, I just felt that certain things were not correct for me. And I remember my father telling me at the time, it's OK if you change, but change to something. And I feel that that's the biggest mistake that a lot of people make, that sometimes they run away from something that doesn't work from them for whatever reason. We're not going to get into why. The why doesn't matter. It's what you do with it. And when I, I guess, as you call it, made my slight change, it was to revel able cats that passed away about two years ago. And I started governing by him and learning there. And I think that's been a progression upward for me as a human being. And moved out of Barbaric probably about 15 years ago. Went to Flatbush and then moved to Tom's River when Brooklyn became not tolerable anymore. Talk to me about it. So I want to, like, I feel very comfortable that you don't have any bitter memories for your past, for the way you grew up, and for what caused you. Because it's a total different story to talk to people who are still bitter and still upset and still sad versus talk to people that went through a certain change in their life and came to certain conclusions. But they said, I want to do it unresponsible. And I'm connected. I'm a yeet. I am who I am. But I feel that I can bring the best out of me in a different way, in a different style. Personally, I'm not bitter. I'm not angry. I have no animosity, actually, towards anybody. I try to live my life. My wife and I, we always talk about this, that a fact is a fact. Whatever happened, happened. So you now have a choice. You can either be bitter and angry with a fact or you can be happy. The fact is not going to change. So it's really a personal choice as to how. I can see you're still one. They're wearing long payas and a long beard. Yeah, you would say so. Like my mother still has the hope. I'm in good comfort. But I always tell my mother. I said, listen, I was probably earlicher now like this than the other way. So it's. And I'm really proud of you. Earlichkeit has nothing to do with that. And I'm really proud of you because earlichkeit is the bottom line. So obviously I see, I'm starting to connect the dots and see how you shifted from, besides doing whatever you do for a living, that got you interested in being involved with people in crisis because you have a healthy approach about these things. And so talk to me a little, talk to our audience a little bit about, in short, what you're doing. And it basically, it basically just happened. So there's an organization in the five towns called Madregos. It's run by Rabbi Silver and a very close friend of mine, Shieldgate, but Rabbi Silver runs the day-to-day. And there is a Rosh Hashanah program that they do for, I don't like to use the word the OTD because it's just, it is no such thing. But for kids at risk, kids that are struggling, you know, whether it's a substance abuse, whether it's with life, whatever it is. And I was invited to go there by my friend Gilles about, or Yaakov Gate, sorry, Yaakov Gate, about 10 years ago. And we started going 10 years ago. And it's just happened, they started coming over to me and just asking me questions, simply because I guess the knowledge that I was Hasidish and that I'm not at the moment, or not, it's not the way, it's not the lifestyle that we live at the moment. And they felt comfortable just coming over, talking, asking questions. And one thing I saw, Shem just always gave me the right answer to give, when it, because the truth of the matter is, it's very hard to prepare. When somebody comes over to you and says to you, I'm an apicoitus. How to deal with this? How do I deal with that? And, but I am spiritual, but I am this. And my style has always been, there are other people out there that their styles are, you know, always to placate. I'm a little bit more of a brutally honest person. So, and no, I'm just, I say it the way I see it. And I'll tell you one story. And there was a kid that came over to me, not a kid, he was 27 years old. And he said to me, he says to me, I'm an apicoitus, I don't believe in God, but I would like to come back and start taking on some mitzvahs. So I said, so what's your question? It's like, how can I work with this if I don't believe in God? How does any of this thing work? So I said to him like this, I said to him, I don't want to use a name. I said, pardon me, but I'm gonna say something maybe that might upset you a little bit, but I feel it's the right thing. And I think it'll help you if we discuss it, that you won't, and if you think about it, because you seem like a smart kid, let's just hear me out. So I said to him, first of all, I said, let's first establish something. You're not an apicoitus. I said, you're about to have just like me. I said, the only difference is that you want to be able to sleep well at night. It bothers you that you're misbehaved, so the only way you can feel better and sleep at night is saying there is no God. So there is no God. I didn't do anything wrong. So I said, we have to first establish that there is no real apicarsis here. Well, there's an old story within a tzv. Thalmud of his came to him and said to him, Reba, I'm an apicoitus. So he said to him, let me ask you a question. Did you finish Himmish? Rasha says no. Says, did you finish Gomorrah-Bavli? Rasha on me says no. Says, did you read Plato? Aristotle says no. Says, you're not an apicoitus, you're ignorant. To be an apicoitus, you just don't know. To be an apicoitus, you need to be very educated to be able to be an apicoitus. Most unfortunately in a situation that we find now, kids that are struggling, they like to use the word apicarsis in fear, is because I use that as a tool to get attention. More than anything, it's rather- I think to run away from reality. It helps you obviously, because if your reality is you're brought up that there is a Shemysburg that is there, and unfortunately being taught in the schools that he is the God of punishment, yes, you don't want to deal with that. So the easiest thing to say is I don't believe. So I said to first, let's agree that it's not enough believing, it's just you want to be able to sleep at night and that's okay, there's nothing wrong with that. I said the second question that he asked me was, but how do I get back to Yiddish Kite? I want to know that the Shemysburg is going to accept me. I said, okay, I get that. So I said, let me just ask you a question. I said, if you approach life with that thinking, you'll never get married. And he looks at me and he was a little upset at me. He's like, what do you mean I'm not going to get married? What's the connection? He said, very simple. I said, you meet a girl and you start talking to her. You take her out, spend a lot of time with her. And there you don't question that you want to know. I'm only going to spend the money and the time as if I know for a fact she's going to love me. But with God, the one entity that's promised you that I will accept you if you do the right thing, there you're questioning it. So that should make you think, are you really looking to come back or are you looking to be able to sleep well at night? I've tried. I'm not sure Hashem is going to take me back. So I'm not even going to start. I said, but that thinking is not real. That's just an out. And that was my first conversation when I started, I guess, getting involved in this. How did he take it? He was a little bit, he was actually a very smart kid. He's in banking. He's a smart kid. And he was initially, he was a little bit taken aback by it. But then he thought about it and he came over to me. So, okay, so what should I try? Shabbos would film. I didn't know the answer to that. I asked and I was told that Shabbos is the bigger one, that that's the Shabbos is the one to try. And he still struggles. But he'll tell me from time to time. So listen, no, I went to Shul, I did this, I did that. I was running, the head is a bigger head, but I'm being my market share today. He's not asking any shyness, but he's struggling, but he's trying to get better. He recognizes that. He recognizes what he was doing is he's trying to find an answer to be able to live comfortably with a misbehavior. And that's really what it boils down to. It's be honest with yourself. Just, I've always said, just be honest with yourself. To all my friends, if I talk to somebody and he's misbehaving and he starts coming up with a million things, stop it. Be honest with yourself. You wanted to do what you did. And that's the end of that and you'll be fine. Stop justifying it and that was really, so that was the initial introduction into that. And then it just, I guess it blossomed from there. Wow, excuse me, so I wanna, let's delve into it a little bit. Let's try to figure out like, I know each case is different and you cannot compare apple to oranges. But more in a broad. In a broad style like, what pushes a person or a kid to feel uncomfortable with his surrounding, with the place he was brought up, by his parents, by his Rebels, by his staff. And they all mean well and they all mean to turn each boy and girl into fine Yiddish students, eventually in Galat and family, heads of family. What is one of the main problems that pushes out some people out of the system and it's so sad for the parents and for the, It's sad for everybody. It's sad for the perfect individual, of course, the most, he's the most, he's the biggest victim of all. Because he suffers more than anything. So there's obviously, as you know, there's many different reasons. There are people, unfortunately, that are assaulted in many ways, whether it's by teachers, family, friends. So we're not gonna talk about that. We wanna focus on typical kid that's going to school, coming from a regular family, what would create an environment for a kid to say, this is not working for me. And I have to readjust. So again, this is my opinion. I'm sure there'll be people that'll disagree with me and I'm open minded to have a discussion about it. I'll boss you in the phone over there. You can call me at any time to have the conversation. But I wanna take a little bit of a step back, as to when Ari called me, that we should have this conversation, it's just something dawned on me one morning. I was sitting with my friends, it was a Sunday morning, and we just finished learning in Davening. And my friend mentioned to me that he has a business in Orlando. And he used to drive down trucks with luggage for people, for Yontov, is that okay? Nice service. How many trucks? He said he used to have two trucks, but this year he is down to one truck. I think he was not happy about it. Said then what happened? He said to me that a lot of people that used to come to Orlando started going to the Maldives and Croatian, the Carpathian mountains, just everywhere but Orlando. So it made me think. And I said to him, these are people that went there for many years. He said, yeah, they've been coming for five, six, seven years, so. It's like, I personally do not go. This is booming, no? Maybe, but I personally would not go away for Yontov. I believe that basically you should stay home. I think it, I don't find it to be the best environment when you go away to a hotel. I think there's nothing like having a Seder at home. That's my personal opinion. I still look. And I would never go, and again, it's not because of cash. There's nothing to do with that. Everything is kosher. But I think it's simply, there's no Seder like a Seder at home, in my opinion. 100%. And I think it's also important that we don't need to eat on Pesach, pasta and bagels and pretzels. The idea is to have Manistana to ask what's different, not basically to have everything you have. What's it saying? It just takes, it just tastes a little different. So I said, it just made me think, why would somebody go for five to seven years to the same place and then feel the need to go somewhere else? And it dawned on me, because it became too popular that too many people started going. So now I gotta be different. I gotta outdo my friends. So this doesn't work for me anymore. But the question is, it worked for you till now. The weather is nice. You have a nice house. You have a pool. You have a minute. It doesn't work because it became too common. Once it becomes too common, I have to do better. I have to step above my friend and I have to be a little bit better. And if you would look around, so that question, I guess blossomed in my brain. If you look around, look around at Kadeshim, look around at Shevrochis, Achasin, about Mitzvah, about Mitzvah, whatever you wanna call it, birthday parties and add on top of that people getting drunk, doing drugs. What is the driver for people? Ultimately, both down two people are unhappy with who they are. They don't even know to look inside as to who they are. So the only way of lifting themselves up is, I'm gonna be better than everybody else. Whether it means by going to the Maldives. The joke is, if you couldn't tell anybody, anybody that you were in the Maldives for Pesach, would you go? The answer usually is no. I once heard a joke that in Europe, everyone just like here more or less, but in Europe, going away in the summer is a must. It was a must, yeah. It was a must. So people couldn't afford it, just stayed inside, they were all done. They have window gates like in Israel, it's called Tresem, and they close at Tresem. You weren't able to see the lights if they're on or off. And that's it. They were there for three weeks, and they came out with the luggage. They said, hello, I'm back. Yeah, and that's really what it is. So the question is, if you can't tell anybody, would you really go? Most of the time not. It's all about when you're gonna come back and say how great it was. So where does that come from? That's really the question. What is the drive that we see so much, especially in our community, is somebody has a caddy, he needs a Range Rover. Somebody has a Range Rover, he needs a Porsche. It's like always, that you're always chasing, chasing, chasing, whether it's with the houses, whether it's with the secondary homes, whether it's vacations, what is the reason? So I guess that made me think of a concept of individualism versus being part of a community. What is that underlying concept? We grow up, and there's a lot of pros to it. We grow up as part of a community, whether it's Chassidish, Litvish, American, it really doesn't make a difference. We're all part of a community, whether it's Shul, whether it's schools, whether it's just a community, or whether it's Chassidish, it doesn't really matter. We grow up as a great community. People take care of each other. I still remember, and I'll always remember what it means, on the Yom Neroom, to be in Satmar in Davening with 10,000, 20,000 people, some tostoyda, that is something you don't forget. There's something amazing like that. Yeah, havorabu. Yeah, havorabu, even the Berges Kahanim, you remember. So the whole concept, it's a beautiful concept, but I think what gets lost in there a little bit is that you people lose their individuality, but that's already when somebody is 20 and 25, but let's back up. A kid goes to school, they're two years old, three years old, they go to Chhaidan, everybody's very excited, and we're coming at the Chhaidan, the kid's got to learn alambez, the kid's got to learn whatever it is that he needs to learn, whatever it is, and as you grow up, going through the grades, there's a box, you either fit in or you don't fit in. So if you're not a Balkishan, and for whatever reason you struggle, you get labeled, and that label can unfortunately follow you for the rest of your life, and it can follow your kids, and I've seen it happen with kids that I went to school with, except if they got lucky and they made a lot of money. But if they didn't become rich by buying a lottery or having rich parents, it's stuck with them for the rest of their life, they should, their own shodoch was affected, their kid shodochem is affected, everything is affected, why? Because we take a kid, a person, and basically say to him, because you couldn't learn the alambez, or because you couldn't teach a toys visit as well, as the next person, then you're no good. And there's an old saying, Albert Einstein said, that if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it's always gonna think it's an idiot. And that's really what we did. We took at times kids that didn't have a particular kishun, didn't have, they were not the smartest, the brightest, and if you were not an alaf alaf, then you were nobody. Okay, an alaf, but if you were a bias, bias plus, it was over. And I've watched that happen. So, what that does- I want to slightly correct something. Oh, challenge, that's okay. Not challenge, but just a touch up. I think there's a big awareness coming slowly into all the khadurim and all the schools today. I see all the new khadurim, all the schools are being built, have next to the classrooms, there's a lineup of five, six small rooms where kids get individual teaching and individual learning and individual observation by my separate staff members besides the regular- And that's amazing, but I want to ask you something, Ari. If you were that kid that goes there and you're eight years old, what does that do to you? And what does that do to your self-esteem? So the kids, when they're bullying you, they're busy telling you that you're the dummy that has to be in special ed quality, for lack of a better- Correct, so it's still not worked out so well to bring in a little pride or a little bit dignity. As long as you keep it separate, you're never gonna be able to give it pride and dignity because it's separate, it's identified. Yeah, they did something, they created a smart class and a dumb class. So every year, the parents are fighting to put their kids into the smart class, even when the kids don't belong there. Even when I think I heard from Y.Y. Jacobson once said, it's a sharp vart, but it's a true vart that he said, he was always wondering when he was learning khumish, how could, it says babal paura, I think was the way it is. I don't remember which one it is. And he said, how could parents do that? But the fire and everything killing their kids, he says, but when you watch what's happening with some of the schools, it makes sense to him that you have parents that are fighting to get their kid into a class where they really don't belong. They will never succeed. But they're gonna be able to say, my kid is in the better class and it's about the prestige that they're literally sacrificing their kids for their own, and what drives that? Because if you don't know who you are and you're not comfortable with who you are, then you're always, all you know is the competitiveness. All you know is standing above somebody else and being better than the next person. And I think that's, it's a shame actually. I just thought, I wanted to add it in Shedichem as well. We're hoping to have one of the next podcasts, a very big expert in Shedichem. And many people bump into the same issue that some parents don't want to take the best match for the, except the best match for the child actually, if it does not match them. And that's why unfortunately, the divorce rate is through the roof. Correct, unfortunately. And there's so much to talk about it and to learn about it and to adjust all these pre-existing conditions. Because I think it boils down, I think ultimately it's always going to boil down to one very simple thing. Are you okay with knowing who you truly are, your Kishoinus, your Malus and your Kishoinus at the same time? And if you're okay with looking into yourself and being comfortable with that, then you wouldn't care. But if you don't have the capacity and you never thought what it means to be introspective, to look in a little bit and look into yourself a little bit, then you're always going to be chasing at every aspect of your life, whether it's schools, whether it's Shadokhem, whether it's whatever you're doing, it's always going to be that chase. So the question is, a kid is five, six, seven, no one expects him to look in and to judge himself. He needs to be taught. Exactly, how does this transition happen that the person should slowly learn not to look at the flashy life around him or the competitive life around him and the excitement and want to achieve the goals and be like this person, like this person and start thinking, who am I? What can I be? What's my potential? Where's my potential? And how can I bring myself to be the best potential I can without being damaged or being out of the box? Like, how can I stay in the system and still get like you say some individuality? So I heard actually, I heard a podcast, another podcast. I apologize. I apologize. Yeah, but I did listen to a different podcast and this woman was saying a very interesting thing. She said that when she grew up, her father, they would sit at dinner and a father would go around the table and ask every child, what have you failed at today? Versus what most people do today, what have you accomplished today? And the idea behind that is to make it comfortable to understand that it's okay to fail for people that like baseball. So let me talk to you a little bit about our new sponsor, Caliber Business Consulting. In business, just in our personal life, we all have ideas and plans we'd like to implement so we can be more efficient, more profitable and more successful. Most of us often are envious when we see our competitors doing things so smooth and so effective. But usually we're stuck and we're having a difficult time to figure out how to actually change it. 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You have 25 kids, 26 kids sitting in a class and the kid that was right here and didn't know but maybe he's an unbelievable balkhassid. Maybe he's very warm and has got loads of empathy and but what now happens is he's allowed, the rabbi puts him down or maybe doesn't put him down but doesn't make him feel real good. Let's be real. And the kids I'm sure mentioned it when they're fighting with him or whatever it gets mentioned. A stag here, a stag there. You take his casinos and you made it all about one thing and everything else gets pushed to the side. And the concept is to, now I don't believe in participation trophies. I think that's just ludicrous. That's, I'm sure you know what those things are. Maybe explain it to the audience in short. And it's just as long as you're here, you get, that doesn't make sense either because obviously you get, you can call it star. You gotta get something for the effort that you put in but it's build up each kid on the construction as that they have and adjust to that whether it's done privately or publicly. If a kid is very, as a big balkhassid, make sure to bring that up. Don't focus on that he didn't know his fair hair but focus on, wow, I watched this kid do this for this other kid. What a beautiful thing it is. Here is a present for that. I'm using that as an example. There's many different things. I'm sorry, the problem is that you have a rabbi or a teacher sitting in a class with 25 kids like you said and 40% of them have a good kishoyness. 30 are middle range and 30 are below average and it's so, so difficult for a rabbi, even a trained rabbi, even a professional to have his three hours and serve each kid according to their capabilities and needs and performance. It's almost impossible to understand. It is definitely impossible but I actually heard something and I just remembered now while you were asking that question. If you have a class that is like you said that you have 40% great kids, sharp minds, you have another 30% that it may be not the sharpest. I think the numbers are even. Whatever the number, it doesn't matter what the number is. It's just as using that as an analogy and then you have 10% that just totally not there. They happen to be here physically but in no other sense of the word. Who's the rabbi teaching do and who should the rabbi be teaching to most of his time? What happens is they teach to the sharp kids. Correct. That's not what they're supposed to be doing. The sharp kid doesn't need him. The second level, that's who needs him. The middle level. But the problem is they don't focus on the middle level. They focus on the mid-see-unim. So all that focus goes to the mid-see-un and that middle level now starts getting shifted to the side. The mid-see-unim, it's human. If you sit with a friend, you're a kid, if he's a smart and pleasant and a paternal person, you enjoy his company. But that's why we're sitting and talking versus teaching and that's why teaching is not for everybody and you have to be able to identify that and say, you know what? No, I gotta put my effort to the kids that actually need it. The mid-see-unim is gonna know anyway because he's gonna get it way quicker than the kid that actually needs that. So the mistake, and I've heard this and I don't remember who I heard it from, that that's a big mistake that some, I wouldn't use rabies because this is teachers and it goes across the board. They tend to teach this- That's probably in every education system in the world. In every education system, that they tend to teach the smart kids versus the kids that actually need it. And I think that will make a big difference. First of all, it's gonna make the kid feel good. How many times, if you really think, when a kid misbehaves, how many times does it occur for attention? How many times? So imagine if the rabbit gives him the attention or the teacher gives him the attention before that in the teacher's way, in a positive way versus the other way then you wouldn't have to act out to gain that attention. Again, these are broad conversations. It's not like you could take a brush and just go and it'll be fixed. It's just rather conversation, something to think about, something to discuss. But I think a lot of it has to do at home. That if you see your child maybe is a great artist, is great with music, is great with whatever, it's your responsibility as a parent, maybe that might not be that great at academics, but build what they need to build with their castroiness and build on that. And make them feel like you don't have to be perfect at everything. It's okay not to be perfect at everything. It's like I said before, I think there is some advancements and openness in parents to come closer to these things, but it's still a long stretch because our structure. It's human nature. Human nature, no, and not only that, our structure, our own upbringing calls for the big tachlis again. We are the tachlis of the year. So listen, I wanna tell you. The tachlis of a year is to serve the Ibishtir in this world. Yeah, but there's more than one way to skin that cat. That's the point. I'm totally agreeing with everything you said. I'm just talking about the challenge of it, challenging part of it, that because our gold and our tachlis in this world is to serve the Ibishtir, and this is our biggest priority, and this should be every year, and every kid and every girl's biggest priority to serve the tachlis, and that's why we came down to this world for. However, I agree with you with that. The people that have difficulties, either the keshoiness, or they don't have the focus, or they don't have the capability to blend in in the group and be in Kukikara style, education system should get much, much more attention and much more individuality like you are promoting rightfully so. But I'm just saying, it's a very big challenge to take education systems. Some Yeshivas, some schools have five, six, 8,000 children coming into the building every single day. I hope to have Rebus teachers to accommodate that, and they usually do, and hopefully to have the right people to actually do that. The point is what you're forgetting, in my opinion, forgetting one very important factor. You're correct, what the tachlis is and what we do, and I sit and learn in the morning, and I love it, and I give every morning two hours, it's learning, doveting, all of that every morning from 5.30 to 7.15 every morning. Don't call me 5.30, please. The point, I'm not calling you a 5.30. Most people, most of my friends don't want to be called that at that time. But you're forgetting a very simple thing. Part of your tachlis is also to give this to the next generation. And do you really think that you're going to, a kid that has grown up with that harshness and always feeling like the outsider because he was not the top of his class, that he's going to enjoy doing anything related to Yiddish guide? Or he's going to either become a robot like you see, unfortunately, how many people do you see? Yes, they wear the lavush and they have this triangle package and they have the beard, but they're empty. There's nothing there. Why? Because nobody ever, nobody infuses them with that love of that. So I think, yes, you're right what the tachlis is, but there's a bigger tachlis is given it to the next generation. Yes, I agree. Well, I think we're going to open it the right way. Now, don't get me wrong. You're talking here about thousands of kids that grow up fine and it works for them. Now we can get into the argument what's considered work or not work, but it works the way the parents want their kids to grow up. But unfortunately, we are dealing because the Jewish population grew so much that we can't ignore that, even to call it a small percentage, because that small percentage is hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of kids. Out of the many. Out of the many thousands. So yes, the bigger, the positive side is the bigger your negative is going to be as well because it's percentage wise. So we can't just ignore that either. And we also have to be realistic out of that positive side. And that's the truth. When was the last time you've seen somebody that exuded and actually felt true joy or happiness? And I'm not talking... By the way, do you know the difference between happiness and joy? Yes. But I'm not talking... You're not talking in Yiddish kind, right? I'm talking in people in your life, but especially in Yiddish kind. I'm going to ask you this in a read. First of all, what's the difference between happiness and joy? So joy, I think, is a more... is a individual, is a general term for good life and enjoying life. And things are supposedly good for me around me. And happiness is an inner state, the inner feeling, the inner state of mind that the person feels satisfied with. It's not doing things that make me feel good at this time. Happiness is something that is a state of mind. You're not going to mind if I actually flip it on you. Yeah, you're right. Happiness is from things. Right. It's things. You become happy, you get something. Joy is inner joy. Right, that's right. Joy is just joyful. So if you would look... Go into Rismedrish. Go into any Rismedrish. How many people are truly joyful? I can tell you it's going to be the guy or the person that is truly into a void of session and he loves to learn, he has that inner joy. He is all involved in it and he loves it. But then you have 70% of people that are basically... 70% is a big number. I'm not going to use percentages. But there's still a lot of people that just go through the motions. So why is that? So you have to understand, again... I want to shift the numbers a little bit. Shift it. It doesn't matter. It's not about the amount. It's not about the amount. I'm trying to make a point. The point I'm trying to make is that... The mechanical... It's about when you don't feel it when it's not been infused in you from a place of love and a place of accomplishment and a place of competency, then it becomes more... I'm just going to go through the process. You go through the process list. I'm not part of a community. I'm not an individual. I'm just part of it. I have no choice. I have to put up with this. So what ends up happening is when nobody looks, they misbehave or they think nobody looks, but their kids always see it and the kids always feel it. So who ends up suffering? So I think it's bigger than the kid that is falling to the side. It's even... It goes into what we call the positive part because unfortunately, look around. Look around at a kid-ish on a Shabbos. How many people drink more than they should? How many people, unfortunately, now became the norm is do weed more than they should? Why are they doing this? What's this need for this? Because there's such an emptiness inside and they're always trying to find themselves and just look for anything to not make me look here. I keep myself busy or whatever I can just not to look in here. And that's why you have, in my opinion, and I'm sure a lot of people are going to hate people saying this, that's why you have the private planes constantly. That's why I have people dropping hundreds and thousands of dollars in steakhouses sitting with friends and whatever, drinking and doing drugs and doing whatever they're doing. It's because they can't fail. They cannot afford to look inside and just take a step back and just look in there. They can't handle it. So let's talk to Achles. It's almost unreasonable to expect from the system to cure and correct this big failure. How do we make it there? I wouldn't use the word failure because it works for hundreds and thousands of people. Correct. But I'm talking for the individual, people who feel like a failure. So in my humble opinion, it's learning to be okay that you're not the best at everything. But how do we... It starts when you're younger. I was going to say, I want to focus a little. It's introspective. It's about learning to build up your child at things that they're good at. Yes, there are times you've got to punish a child. It's very normal. But we've got to build up... I mean, we use the word child and that's wrong, I guess, to a certain extent. I guess build up humans. I try to make an effort. We have a million, a 6-30 million that I started about two years ago and Burkha Shem is a long great. And I make an effort when somebody walks in the door is to greet them by name. Give them a hug at this or that, how you're doing, how's it going. We never know what somebody is going through and what's going to make them feel better. And that's on a very broad level. But you can do that in a very rifle approach as well. But it's people need to be okay. Correct, but what I'm trying to say is that it's probably... The core of it has to start at home. I agree. Because number one, there's no way, there's no possible way for a system to accommodate, and cater, and serve so many people. And a kid is more at home than in school. So it's kind of me at home as well. So this is really another path that we need to have is to talk to the parents and not to talk, to enlighten them and bring them into the reality that they have the biggest, not only a chai, the biggest possibility, and they are the only tools that can start validating the kids for who they are, for what they are. And for what they have. And parents have this problem, competition within the own children. But then themselves, within the own children. I'm a big believer, you know, I've been, for 31 years, I like to work out. That's one of my Michigas and some things that keep me sane. And people always ask me, like, how do you do it? And I always tell people, just be aware. Forget about the lifting weights, that's nothing. It's mostly 80% of your food intake. It's be aware of what you're doing wrong. Be aware of who you are. Be aware of what's going well for you in life. Don't always focus on what you need to beat. Focus on what's working for me. I think I mentioned you a while back when we talked. We wake up in the morning. What's the first thing that we say is moida ani. I mean, there's a million things you could say the first thing you wake up, or maybe we say that in short. Why is it so important to say that as soon as we wake up? Because I think the first thing is extremely important is to say, I'm thankful for what I have. I'm thankful that I could see. I'm thankful that I'm breathing. I'm thankful I'm not in a hospital bed. If you start becoming thankful and recognizing of what you got going for you, then you can start building on something. But if you're consistently fighting the uphill battle and fighting and fighting and fighting, you can't focus on what's working for you. And those two things, they're mutually exclusive. They don't mix. I want to add a cute word to what you said. The end of moida ani says, rabu menusecho. Yeah. What's the real Pshatu? Before you challenged me, remember you challenged me before? With the happiness, the joy. I don't know the answer. You chirped me? Rabu menusecho, what is it? Bechamelu, she's out to be with you. She's out to be with you. Bechamelu with you, mercy with you. Rabu menusecho. Rabu does not go on Bechamelu, go on something. Rabu menusecho means you trust, your faith in me is very large. You, the Ibishter, trust me that I can perform and I can do, I'm not gonna let you down. And I thank you also, besides the thing you just said, and we're thankful and appreciative. I thank you for having trust and faith in me and I will not let you down and I'm gonna run and conduct a beautiful day. That's the meaning of rabu menusecho, which is very... Okay, so I see that's something I learned today. Good, good. I appreciate it. Okay, I'll say it definitely. But again, I mean, it's not about beating a dead horse. It's just, you know, I told you, I like to listen to my things and I heard a great saying and I have to look up the verbiage is that when we do not build on competencies, then we end up creating a life of competition in the worst way. That unfortunately so many people, they celebrate failures versus then celebrating successes. And the reason for that is because it's an internal happiness, unhappiness. So you only get better when somebody else is failing as well versus just being happy for the person. And that has a lot to do with being internally happy. I think to celebrate failure is, I think it's a sickness. It's more sickness. It's unfortunately most people... It's a failure. You own or I don't? No, no, somebody else. Somebody had failed in business 90% of 90. Again, I'm not going to use percentages. It doesn't make sense to use percentages. There's a lot of people like, oh, okay, you know, they don't, how many people really have the empathy? He didn't do this. It's like they gloat in it versus really feeling bad for somebody or somebody comes and tells you, man, I just, it was so great. I made a million bucks. How many people is like, man, I wish I could have made that. You know, there's a joke that I'm... It's not really failures between... But surely it's failures. It's failing. In business, but it's part of that because if you are unhappy and you're not appreciative of what you have, you don't want the other person to have it. That's human nature. So when a person tells you they lost something, like, oh, at least I'm... It's what it's all about. It's the way it is. And the other one is, oh, I did something. Oh, should have been me. So there's a joke that this billionaire went over to a guy and said to him, what would it take for you to be happy? Said I'm a billion dollars. Said, okay, great. Meet me tomorrow at eight o'clock. I'll give you a billion dollars and please bring two of your friends and we'll give them five billion dollars each. By the way, I don't know what the rest of the story is, but he can call me 530. He can call you 530. So the guy says, you're giving me a billion and then five billion? Wow. The guy says, what do you care? You just said, for you to need to be happy, you need a billion. What do you care what the other person is getting? But that's the way our brain is wired. So you need to always try to overcome that and I think, again, that starts when you're little, it's about appreciating effort. So that is the point. Yes, you can't, you're not always gonna get in business. You're not, effort is not gonna get you to the top. But when you're growing up in an interpersonal relationships, if somebody is making a real effort in something, we gotta appreciate it. We gotta show them it's okay and that's why I really appreciate the dad that says to a child, what did you fail at today? And he would say what he failed at that day because a kid looks up to a dad so they wanna see that it's okay. It's not the end of the world. And the bigger part of it is to learn to be comfortable with yourself, to be honest with yourself. How many times we just, we're dishonest. To ourselves because we try to convince ourselves of something, being honest with yourself, being introspective, looking into you and being comfortable with that. It takes a long time and I still struggle with it. I was gonna ask where are you, one to 10. I am probably started out as a one like everybody else. But for me, hiking is my thing that has bothered, I figured out what has bothered us was by the way. That's what was hiking. We call it has bothered us but it's gone walking in the woods. That was going on in the brain while you're hiking. The truth is it's what you wanted to and the idea is to be able to unplug and let go. For me, it's simply about just thinking and it doesn't matter what the thought is, I'm not that afraid of it. I'm not gonna say I'm way far from perfect from it but at least I try. You're getting away from giving yourself a mark, right? I'll give you a mark. I would say my mark now is probably between a five and a six. Oh, nice. Over the hill. It took many years to get to the place where I'm not that afraid of myself. The only downside to that is then you blame yourself too much for things. So it's that, that's the other side of the coin. I wouldn't worry about you blaming yourself too much. My wife always yells at me. She says, stop faulting yourself because I'll always say what did I do wrong? But that just, but that took me years and I'm way far from perfection on this one. But the one thing I do wanna give a mention to and I'm sorry, I gotta look this up is you asked me about what could be done. There's a school in Lakewood. The name of the school is, pardon me, I have it on my phone. No, it's fine. Please forgive me on that one. It's fine, our audience. I'm sorry. It's a smart phone. It's very tolerant. It's a smart phone, I apologize. There's a school. Should we have a good filter? Yes, obviously. Obviously. Benoist Brocher and Khed Vaz High School. That is run by Rabbi Peck Hiei and he did something that I find is amazing. What he did was he created in each grade three, I'm sorry, three options. And each option has a different strength whether it's math, history, social studies, whatever it is. And the kid can choose the beginning of the year if they have a particular strength, they can pick that class. That was what I was looking for, sorry. So what that does is it allows the kid to build on a strength of theirs. You have a kid maybe that is just bad at math. If you put him into a regular class, there's gonna be a subject. They really are gonna fail. But these classes, so instead of creating the schwache class and a great class, you create strengths. So this is a strength in one area, a strength in another area. So what that does is it allows the kid to say, okay, maybe I'm not that great at this, but I know I'm good at this. And I think that makes an unbelievable difference because you don't get stamped with anything. Sorry, you're going to the schwache class. You know what happens then. None of us want that. Well, it's really an amazing story. I mean, it's a pity we have a constraint of time. Do we? I'm sorry. No, we did well. I'm the one that has to drive home. I think we just got into it. We just started touching the deep and sensitive points, but I'm sure our audience will be very amused and amazed by what they heard here. And like I said to you, I'm open-minded, you know, I mean, I agree that this is not the end all. This is a conversation more than anything. It's not the answer to anything. All right, but it's just a conversation. It's an eye-opener. It's just a conversation. It's a conversation about the very important thing. And we have to ask for Seattle to Schmeier. Nothing works without it. Correct? That all our people who are in charge of the curriculums and all the issues, all the schools, should have the Seattle to Schmeier to guide and steer the ship right. I would add a little something to that. The individual ships. They should have Seattle to Schmeier to not let their ego get in the way. You're not gonna like that. But I know you're not gonna like that. No, because I don't want to open this. I'm not disparaging anybody. All I'm saying is it's very easy in these situations to, you have Nagias, you have certain Nagias. That's what I'm saying is that of Seattle to Schmeier that the Nagias should not be there. That's what I'm trying to say. Seattle to Schmeier for everything. However, I am strong, a very, my strong opinion is that all mechanichem try their best. Yes, I agree with you. And all work hard. That's why I said that Seattle to Schmeier for the head. And it's very, very difficult to be a mechanich and to have so many. Besides your own bag that you bring to the Moises every day, so many children like we spoke before, different types, different natures, different levels. You're gonna deal with a million things. That's why I'm not a teacher. And the parents, and the management, yes. But however, so I don't want to focus and start the Pandora Bucks to talk about it. No, no, no, I just said that's why I added it on. It's just as a note. Just as a... For Seattle to Schmeier, it's worth mentioning. Yes, we should all have Seattle to Schmeier. And I really want to thank you for... My pleasure. It was a lot of fun. Yes, it was. And it was a deep conversation that I didn't expect we're gonna go to this direction, but I'm always ready for good surprises. I hope you survive. Your blood pressure is okay. Yes. And we invite our audience to share the thoughts, the feelings. Bring it. I look forward to it. I got no issue. I'm not gonna tell him everything you said about him. And if it's bad, oh, well, that's life. That's called being okay with failing at something. If I failed, fine. But if you comment me with something, let it not just be an opinion. Back it up. If you're gonna teach me, educate me. I got no problem with that. You're ready to sponge. You're ready to be educated. I try. Very good. Thanks so much, Jack. Appreciate it. And let's keep on doing the right thing.