 I'm a father of seven children, five of which being girls. I felt that I had to protect them when nobody gonna protect them the way that I could. And something happened to one of my daughters in my own home by a family member that turned everything upside down until this day he's still in jail for the actions that he took and which we found out that had been taking place over the course of maybe four years. There's nothing that I had experienced in combat or a police officer that would prepare me for something of that magnitude happening to me to her while I'm there. I had to keep up the persona for her and the rest of the family that I was strong and that I would take care of this but on the inside it was killing me. I didn't want to do anything in my house because I didn't want my family to be able to have to clean up my mess and I walked to the middle of the street and I looked both ways there were no cars coming and I said this is it I'm gonna do it. My neighbor who was also a veteran was outside cutting his grass and I came outside he didn't know I was armed but I was. He called me over I walked over to his yard and he said brother what are you doing? I said just looking he said that's bulls*** I see it because I've done it I was there so I could see it a mile away he said I could pretty much smell it on you let's talk and that day he knew it as well as I did he saved my life I was tired of fighting I was tired of going through things just tired period tired of being tired there are days that even today where you feel that everything will be better off if you were just gone and they'll be more taken care of and you wouldn't have to deal with it but then how would they feel if you gave up and you ended it all and why do they have to keep fighting when the strongest person in their eyes gave up and didn't continue to fight I was lucky enough to have a support system in the family and outside of the family that I could talk to and they helped me through a lot and it helped her through a lot going through counseling you need each other we need each other without each other were nothing so why would you suffer in silence tell someone reach out it doesn't make you less of a man or less of a person period for you to seek for help that's why we all exist to compliment each other to make each other better to be able to share our experiences to learn from one another no matter what the troubles are there's always higher ground and if you have hit rock bottom and there's nowhere else to go why not try to go up because all that's free you're never powerless you're never worthless you get your second win and you get back in the fight don't give up never give up