 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm your host, Jonathan Asley of johnathanasley.com, and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, the five questions to ask a man before you give your heart away, okay? Really quickly, if you're new to my YouTube channel and you find after this video, go this information resonates with me and you want to think, or if you've been thinking about hiring a coach, check out the link below to schedule a discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you. Okay, let's do those. The five questions you need to ask a guy before you give your heart, before you give your heart, heart, heart, don't give your heart away too quickly. Okay, this video is really a result of so many of women have a tendency to get to the relationship finish line ahead of a guy. And what I mean to say is they feel comfortable that they're with the one usually before the guy. Now, that's not an absolute, that's not an always, but that seems to happen partially because a lot of you women give your heart away to a man freely. In fact, you practically give your power away to a man. And before you do that, I really want to highly encourage you to begin on loving on yourself so much that you don't need to give your power away. And if you need help with that, please check out my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, because this is all about retaining your power in a relationship. Because it's not that you get to the finish line ahead of him, it's that you give your power away most often before a guy. But, not but. And to help you decipher if you're with the right guy, there are really five questions that you have to get answered right away or as soon as possible before you do a deeper dive into relationship. And if you're currently in a relationship, you can still ask these questions. So question number one and number two actually go hand in hand because here's the question you want to ask. You want to ask him about his childhood and you want to ask him about his parents. You want to ask him about his childhood and his parents. If you've been watching my channel for a while, you've heard me talk about the Amago, which Harvelle Hendricks talks about, the Amago. And what this is is we tend to choose relationships similar to the patterning of our parents. And if you're not familiar with Harvelle Hendricks, check out his book, Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt. I think I should know that by heart, but sometimes I forget. Okay, this helps you understand both for men and women how we choose relationships based on our upbringing. So if a man had a very tumultuous, very challenging, very toxic, very dysfunctional childhood and upbringing with his parents and or his surrogate parents, this could directly affect the relationship that you're in with him right now. So if it was very toxic, dysfunctional, challenging, then the follow-up question that relates into this is how have you healed from that? Because I promise you, and I know you know this, even if you had a challenging childhood, if you haven't healed from that, it's gonna make it very problematic to be in relationship with someone. So you wanna get that out of the way fairly quickly. And the follow-up question, now this is question number three, number three, because we did number one and number two, number three is you wanna find out about his past relationships, his past relationships. Here's the deal. If you had a challenging, most of my audience is midlife. That's after baby making years and before retirement. So a lot of my clients are between 42 and 69, although a lot of 20-year-olds and 30-year-olds are hiring me, which is so fantastic. In fact, one woman wrote me and said, Jonathan, you're like a father yelling at me. I love your advice, okay? So yes, this applies to 20 and 30-year-olds. But here's the thing. By the time you hit 40 plus, there's a chance that you've had a marriage on your belt, 75% of singles over 45-years-old that are looking for love are typically those divorced. So past relationships can directly affect how someone chooses relationships in the future. And if it was a very contentious relationship, very problematic relationship, a drama-filled relationship, then this could directly affect how your relationship ends up being with them. And if he hasn't taken responsibility for his part in the relationship, watch out. This is gonna be problematic. Because if he's always pointing the finger at someone else, it means he doesn't take personal responsibility for his choices. And if you watch my video, The Five Signs to Emotional Maturity, or my podcast on the What Would Love Do podcast, definitely check out my podcast. It's called The What Would Love Do Podcast. I talk about the five signs of emotional maturity. And number two is taking personal responsibility for your choices. So I highly recommend that you ask about past relationships. Now, number four. Number four is really an assessment of his lifestyle. Is an assessment of his lifestyle. Does he have a busy lifestyle? Is it chaotic? Is it, you know, is he in the middle of raising children? And that's his priority, or if his work is his precious priority. Or if he's in a startup business, or does he spend all this time in jock activities with his friends, you know? You wanna get a sense of his lifestyle to see if it can actually meld with your lifestyle. I know a lot of you women get hung up on long distance relationships. And I'm bringing this up because you're seeing someone maybe once every other month kind of thing, you know? And you have to kind of determine, is that person's lifestyle gonna fit into mine and vice versa? And I'm picking on long distance right now, because I know a lot of you women get into the fantasy of the idea of a long distance thinking it's going to blend together. But lifestyle meshing is hugely important. And you would want to know if your lifestyles can mesh before you give your heart to someone. I mean, doesn't this make sense? I mean, this is like common sense 101. And yet ladies, many of you are caught into the fantasy. Well, if he loves me, everything is going to magically work out. Like magic fairy dust is just gonna sprinkle and make it all gonna work out. And that's not how relationships work. Relationships work because they're compatible with one another. Number five, the fifth one, we got to number five already. Is what's his, you know, where does he see his future from the perspective of relationship? Where does he see his future? You know, most men just say, well, I want something casual or I don't know what I want or I don't want to get married. If you're following my channel, follow it for one reason because you are seeking partnership with a man and you want to choose men who are seeking partnership as well. I'll give you an example. I'm single at the moment of shooting this video. If someone, if a woman asked me, where do you see your relationship future? My answer is simple. I'm looking for a current relationship where we're spending three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies and mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, spending intimate time together both on a physical sexual level and on an emotional level, building up teamwork that eventually leads to partnership. I am very crystal clear on what I want. Now I recognize that I'm in that 10% category of men. Only about 10% of those single men out there have a clear definition of what they want. Now, men that are in their 20s and 30s who want to start a family, they're very clear on what they want and they're seeking a wife. And for men in their midlife, I'd say it's about 10% who are like me. Now here's the deal. Half of these men don't ever want to get married ever again and of the other half that are seeking something casual, they may or may not want partnership but this requires a little digging because why give your heart to a man who clearly doesn't know what he wants? And so at least be leaning to the guy that's kind of close to the 10% like the guys like me, at least they're close to that by asking really good questions. And if you need help in asking questions, I created a workbook for my private coaching clients called Improve Your GPS which stands for Improve Your Guy Picking System. If you need help picking guys, schedule a discovery call with me because that's what I'm a master at at helping women decipher men behavior, deciphering men. And we go deeper than these five questions but listen, I just gave you the nugget, the gold right now because if you're not asking these five questions to get a sense if he is even capable of being in a relationship, then shame on you because before you give your heart to a man, before you give your vagina to a man, then you better vet this guy. And by the way, he should be vetting you because trust me, I do the same thing. I find out, are you dealing with issues with your parents? Are you dealing with childhood issues? Do you have an ex that's gonna be a nightmare in this relationship? Is your lifestyle chaotic? I ask the same questions as a man and a woman and men should do the same. And that's my invitation for you today. Whoa, we covered a lot. All right, really quickly, as I said before, if you're interested in finding out of working with a coach is right with you, check out the link below. Also check out the link for my membership program. It's a great group called Midlife Love Mastery. And if you don't have the resources to hire a coach, check out the group Midlife Love Mastery. Also my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? And also my podcast, The What Would Love Do podcast, all the links are below to check out the work. I do have this resonates with you. Well, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic hug of self love. I'm just gonna give you a big gigantic hug of love. I'm gonna ask you to turn to somebody and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use a lot more love in our lives right now. Thanks so much and wishing you a super duper wonderful day. Bye-bye now.