 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay comment I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our talk of topic Ask him these questions before you sleep together. This is what you should be asking before you have sex Really quickly if you're new to my youtube channel, please hit the subscribe button hit the bell So you can be notified of new content if this resonates with you hit the like button Lastly, these are my weekend videos that I shoot out on my balcony very similar to the videos I shoot my private group called midlife love mastery check out the link in the description to join my VIP group where you can Ask me questions directly and I shoot videos personally for you in the group and we have a Facebook group and a once-in-one Webinar all right. What to talk about before sex? I think this is a great conversation because often times now. I know many of you are Already in relationships, so you've already had sex with guys But this is for those of you that are maybe just beginning dating process or you're thinking about dating or whatever I think this is a good conversation. Even if you my hair seems a little messed up today Seems like a good conversation regardless because here's the challenge with a lot of women that I see today in the dating realm Because it used to be that if you wanted to get laid you had to get married Well, we no longer in a live in a world where you have to make the ultimate commitment to be in a relationship In fact, you have to make very little commitment to be in a relationship Other than maybe calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend or something like that and even just those words are actually very weak So what level of commitment can someone make to actually make sense to? Invest your body in another human being as well as your heart your mind and your soul And I think it's important to ask some really good questions ahead of time So what I'm gonna give you an example of what I do in my dating practice and see if it resonates with you And we're gonna go much deeper. So just give me a minute beyond this So one of the things I do very early on the dating process of maybe it's the first or second date I bring up the following. I say hey I just want you to know something about me when I become intimate with a person both physical and emotional I am a monogamous and I'm exclusive What let me repeat that I'm monogamous and what I'm exclusive and what I mean to say is I do not have sex with multiple people And if we join if we begin a sexual aspect of our relationship I'm exclusive meaning I won't talk to and try to meet new people And then I follow up with how do you operate and I say the word operate because this is this is someone's modus of operandi So to speak in other words Are you just cavalier Lee dating and having sex with people and no real commitment to another human being or are you intentional? So my first thing is I say I share this is how my standard and I ask how do you operate? Okay By the way, my coffee mug says do all things with love do all things with love my t-shirt says human kind be both And that's kind of what I'm leaning into today, but I want to go deeper. I want to go much deeper Before you actually begin in a physical intimate relationship with a guy because some men can say yes We'll do those things and not be sincere and many men will be I men don't intentionally Deceive women Oftentimes there's conflicting things going on within a guy that causes someone to be deceptive But for the most part most men are good guys They're just bad daters and I'm here to have you lean into a deeper way of approaching the relationship process And this is why I highly recommend Purchasing the book eight dates. I want you to purchase two copies The book is eight dates by dr. John and Julie Gottman check out the link in the description for Jonathan recommends books all my books that I recommend are there why you want to get this book is it lays out eight Fundamentals here The chapters include here I'm going to read this for you so you can get a sense Chapters date one Trust and commitment date to addressing conflicts date three Sex and intimacy date for the cost of love work and money date five room to grow date six Play with me fun and adventure date seven growth and spirituality and date eight your life of love and dreams And why this is so important before you allow the penis into the vagina or shortly thereafter is you have to decide is this person at At least this is my invitation for you. Is this person serious about wanting a commitment or are they just haphazardly going about life hoping that something will magically change for them because they're in a space of casual and They're hoping they're hoping for some magic fairy dust to change them to want to be committed I'm here to encourage you to choose people who are willing to make the effort and Someone who's willing to read this book with you As you're exploring a relationship Demonstrates that they're much more serious about the process than the Cavalier person and here's the challenge Probably 70% of men out there are cavalier Lee dating in other words. They're haphazardly dating. They're casually dating And what I mean by cat dating is that they're out seeking companionship connection and sex without any real forethought or Intentionality of wanting to be in a serious committed relationship. I'm gonna bet that roughly 70 75 80 maybe even 90% of men Operate that way now a lot of those men do end up in serious relationships But without any real intentionality, it makes it difficult for them to decide who to choose a partner This is why when you create intentionality when you create some I'm gonna use the word Well, when you create standards When you create your standard you have a better chance of assessing if this person is a good candidate For you to invest your heart in because ultimately ladies the minute you invest your body You're investing your heart and once you've invested your heart with the wrong person and this happens again and again And again it can wear on us emotionally. This is why I wrote my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? It's a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work to shore up our own because here's the reality When we've had one experience after another after another it Dating triggers the number one emotional health issue facing almost everyone and that is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likable And this is why I want to encourage you all to start shifting your Inter-narrative to loving on yourself and then being compassionate for everyone else Loving on ourselves and being compassionate for everyone else because when we operate from that premise We have a greater chance of not feeling such so much angst When we've made a choice that wasn't really aligned to who we are and what we want And this is why I recommend reading this book and let me just say one thing I'm getting so many emails from those of you for those of you that are watching my videos I'm telling you if you're brand new to watching this video I'm getting emails or messages from women who have done what I've just said they've adopted Introducing this book in fact I just got a message the other yes this morning from a woman thanking me because of the Recommendation of the books that I've suggested that she's introduced it to the guy She's with and their relationship is actually progressing at a much more deeply rooted space of trust Because it's not this bullshit haphazard men are chivalrous and they'll just claim you and all you have to do is just sit back And you're feminine and men will do all the work if that was such a great Narrative that's so traditional. Why is the dating process a clusterf? It is because a lack of intentionality and before you sleep with a guy I want to invite you to be more intentional Which is gonna create a greater chance for success is this sinking in is this resonating post a comment below? I'd like you to hear your thoughts on this All right, I'm gonna wrap up today's video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic jump and bear hug of self Love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a teddy bear or a pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks so much. Bye. Bye now