 Rochester, I'm sure that golf ball sliced over here to the right. No, no, it's not here. Boys, why don't you give up? We've been looking for that ball all week. We'll find it. Don't be so impatient. Now, let's see. When I hit it, I know it went over here by these trees. Hey, Jack, Jack. Oh, hello, Mary. Hurry up. We've got to get to the studio. It's Sunday again. Oh, my goodness. How time does fly. Come on, Rochester. We better get going. Come on. J T L L O The Jell-O program brought to you by Jell-O and Jell-O Pudding starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, Rochester, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens the program with deep in the heart of Encino. Flavor, flavor, and still more flavor. That's what you get in Jell-O, ladies and gentlemen, thanks to Jell-O's marvelous new process that locks in its delightful goodness. The tang of Jell-O with swell intriguing taste are there for you to enjoy as never before. For today, Jell-O offers you a new high in flavor, a new peak in pleasure. You find that Jell-O is more than ever a glorious dessert, a grand treat that everybody loves. A clear, colorful mold of Jell-O, what an attractive side it is, and how it glistens with goodness. And never have you tasted anything better than the lively, refreshing flavor of Jell-O. Flavor that makes you think of the juicy, ripe fruit itself. Flavor that is locked in for your added enjoyment. Prove to yourself how much richer Jell-O's locked in flavor really is. Open a package of Jell-O, notice that there's no telltale aroma, no sign of escaping fragrance and flavor. Then dissolve the tiny Jell-O particles, and notice how Jell-O's captive goodness comes pouring out in a rush of richness. Get Jell-O tomorrow and thrill at the extra delight of Jell-O's locked in flavor. Sunset and Vine, played by the orchestra. Ladies and gentlemen, as we announced last week, we present our four-year entertainment, Doc Benny and his world-renowned minstrel show. That's right, so let's get going. Is everybody here? I think so. Say, Mary, where's Dennis? Dennis? I don't know. I haven't seen him. He must be around here someplace. That's you, ya dodo. Come here, Dennis, we've got a minstrel show to do. I see you've got burnt cork on your face. Where were ya? I was over in the corner practicing how to talk like Amos and Andy. Good. Good nothing. It comes out like Lumen Abner. Oh. Wonderful world. Never mind, you'll get rolling. Now, Mary, we have to do this right. So straighten things out and put the chairs in a semicircle. What's a semicircle? Look, put the chairs in a circle and then take half of them away. Now, Phil, we want some real old time minstrel music tonight. You know, a lot of loud, corny brass. Do you think your band can do it? Well, it ain't our style, but we can try. Oh, brother. Now, let's see, where's Virgil? We gotta have our props. Is the sound man here? No, I'm in a Turkish bath. Want me to steam some clams for ya? Now, Virgil. Virgil, you don't have to get cute about it. We're doing a minstrel show tonight, so pass out the tambourines. I passed them out already. You did? Yeah, and they're swell, nice and juicy. Those are tangerines. Now, Virgil, there's a whole pile of tambourines right there on your table. Now, pass them out. Okay, here they are. You don't have to throw them on the floor. He's mad because you won't want to be an end man in your minstrel show. That's too bad about him. Well, I guess we're all set, so let's get started. Come on, Don, give us an introduction. Okay. The minstrel's including the incomparable Mary Sweetstuff Livingston. Mary. That sentimental gentleman from Georgia, Phil Honeyboy Harris. Take it easy, gals. I'll get to you. Also our own silver voice tenor, Dennis Sugarfoot Day. Very good, Dennis. And only Don Blubberlip Wilson. Yes, sir. The time was a bright summer afternoon many years ago. The place, Main Street of St. Joe, Missouri. They love me there. Take it away. Mrs. Farrell. Come here, Charles. Stay right close to your mother. I see you've got some new traveling salesmen sitting on the porch of the mansion house. They ain't you. We just dusted them off. Every house counts to be old. Follow the parade, folks. The show starts. Candy popcorn and sandwiches. You can't enjoy these hams without a sandwich. Sandwiches, get your... Please, right this way. Here you are, sir. B2 on the aisle. There's someone sitting there. Oh, yes. I'm sorry, madam. You've got the wrong seat. I've got the right seat. Well, you've got it in the wrong place. Here. I got a ticket for him. Nothing else. The show hasn't started yet. Dub, dub, please. Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please, for a few moments before the big show begins. Now, I have here a selection of the latest song hits of the day. Toons, they're all a whistlet. In the shade of the old apple tree. On a bicycle built for two. Only a bird in a gilded cage. Down by the old bill stream. And a zoop suit with a reed plate. I kill hay, while, sir. All the latest songs, folks. Take me out to the ballgame. Wait till the sun shines now, Ed. Hey, have you got that old sweet heart of mine? The song will flash change before the curtain goes up. Over! To Mississippi, on the Mississippi. Where the? To the Mississippi. Here, oh, Mississippi. That's where I- Hello, Mr. Harris. How are you feeling this evening? Mr. Interlocutor, I am in the mood to mango some merriment. Well, I must say, Mr. Harris, that you do look good. Well, boss, why shouldn't I look good? I just had myself a Kentucky breakfast. A Kentucky breakfast? What's that? A big steak, a bulldog, and a quarter whiskey. Well, what's the bulldog for? Somebody's got to eat that meat. Very good, very good. It didn't impress me. Now, now, Mr. Day, you mean to say you can do better than that? Ask me what the difference between a man with asthma, a farmer milking a cow, and an Eskimo fan dancer. Well, I don't know, Mr. Day. What is the difference between a man with asthma, a farmer milking a cow, and an Eskimo fan dancer? One is wheezing and one is squeezing. Well, what about the Eskimo fan dancer? She's freezing. Get her blanket. Excellent, Mr. Day. Excellent. I ain't convolved. Why, Ms. Livingston? Say, Mr. Interlocutor, do you mind if I ask you a riddle? No, no, Ms. Livingston, go right ahead. What's the difference between you and a jackass? I don't know. What is the difference? A jackass wears a collar. Well, so do I wear a collar. Well, then I guess there ain't no difference. Mr. Interlocutor, when it gets to me, I wish you to convey that I'm mentally and physically fastidious. Well, Brother Wilson, what makes you so happy? I got a wife and a cigarette lighter and they both workin'. Very funny, Brother Wilson. Very funny. And now, ladies and gentlemen, our Silver Boy's tenor, Dennis Sugarfoot Day, will favor us with a song and dance. That ever-popular ballad, Can't You Hear Me, Colin Caroline, and dedicated to Mrs. George Primrose. Miss you in the morning when all papa and kisses call captain shadows fall. Rendered with feeling, sweetness, and tenderness. I didn't like it. Why, Mr. Harris, I noticed that you and Mr. Day have been quarreling quite a bit of late. What have you got against him? Nothing, that he's dishonest, disloyal, and hand-to-conscious. Oh, come now. Who cares? Don't you remember that nice fat chicken I served you? Remember, boy, I recognized it. Mr. Harris, that's a bold allegation. I think you should apologize. I'll say he should. I can't believe that Mr. Day has been stealing your chicken. Not only that, boss, he stole my wife. I didn't steal that old thing. She jumped in the bag with the rest of the hen. Why, Mr. Day, I'm ashamed of you stealing Mr. Harris' wife and chicken. I'll bring them back. I'll bring them all back. Don't bring back nothing that ain't got feathers on it, son. Now, you better watch your step, Mr. Day, that Mr. Harris is a bad man when he gets riled up. Don't worry me, nun. I'm going to walk over there and put some rats back in the mouth. Who is? Hi. How you going to get back? Gentlemen, gentlemen, please let this bickering cease. Gentlemen, yours truly, Doc Bendy, will render that renowned and melodious selection entitled, A Sleep in the Deep, assisted by the Alabama Four Music Professor. Cough, cough, cough. Loud, clink, clink, clink. Leigh the bell, clink, clink, clink. In the old towering, clink, clink, clink, clink. Big, clink, clink, clink. Ding a sling, clink, clink, clink. To the warning it brings, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. Say, Lord, take care, take care. Oh, Jack, I'll be well. I'll be. I may be late, but I'll be in the deep. I'll be. I'll be. I'll be. Yes, Miss Livingston. I just thought of another riddle. Another one? Well, let's hear it. Why are the Japs nervous like a man on his way to the dentist to get a tooth pulled? I don't know, Miss Livingston. Why are the Japs nervous like a man on his way to the dentist to get a tooth pulled? Cause the Yanks are coming, yippee! Now, that was really brilliant, Miss Livingston. Yeah, Miss Interlocutor, what's the difference between you and a bag of wind? I don't know, what is it? Berger, you stay out of this! We don't want any more riddles. I'm awful sorry to hit you, Miss Interlocutor, cause I got one that's not only entertaining but appetizing as well. All right, blubber lips, let's have it. When you go down to your neighborhood, Grosso, what is the very first thing that you ask for? Credit. Now, Mr. Harris, please. I don't know, Mr. Wilson. What is the very first thing you ask for at your neighborhood grocer? Jello, G-E-L-L-O. A blubber lips never went to school, folks. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as a special added attraction, Doc Benny offers for your enjoyment and amusement Benny offers for your enjoyment and amusement that well-known minstrel man, Rochester Van Jones. Yeah, Mr. Interlocutor! Mr. Van Jones will sing that ever popular song, a success made famous by the late Bert Williams entitled, Somebody Else, Not Me. At moments come to ever man some situation where he can obtain such fame, folks acclaim the very mention of his name. The circus played our town one day, three bingo tigers got away. The manager looked right at me, he said he, yes, opportunity. Somebody's got to catch them cats. Somebody's got to go. The tiger man is sick in bed. Put on your hat and coat, he said. Now, the man who catches them alive a hero's gonna be. It's a wonderful chance for somebody, somebody else, not me. Three bones with ebony dots off time's lead to cemetery lies. A game last night brought on a fight which finished up with pistol shots. I was the brothers from the door. All the others got out before somebody lay on the floor dead and through the trance somebody said. Somebody's got to stay behind. Somebody must remain and when the officers arrived explain how came he ain't alive. The man who stays and sees it through gains notoriety. It was a wonderful chance for somebody, somebody else, not me. Thank you, that was somebody else, not me, rendered by Rochester Van Jones. Oh, Rochester. Yes, Mr. Bennett, Mr. Interlocutor. I, uh... That mistake didn't either hurt or help the program, Rochester. I noticed that in looking over your expense account for your costume and so forth, you put down a dollar and a half for makeup. Is that correct? Yes, sir. Well, that seems a little unnecessary. Would you mind explaining what you spent that money for? Well, I heard you tell everybody to buy burnt cork for their faces. Uh-huh. And then as much as I didn't need it, I bought a cork with a bottle of gin around it. Oh, I see. Well, I, uh... I have news for you, Rochester. You may collect that dollar and a half, but it'll be from somebody else, not me. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as you all know, every minstrel show has an after-piece, and ours will be no exception. So tonight, we are going to offer Doc Benny's version of the greatest love story of all time, Romeo and Juliet. The scene is the balcony of the home of Miss Juliet Johnson on Beale Street in Memphis, Tennessee. Curtain. Music. Uh-huh. Romeo and Juliet were sweet hugs. And oh, how that Romeo could love. That's me, folks. Yeah-de-de-de. Oh, Julie. Julie, climb down this ladder. You know, we're going to rope tonight. I can't see you down there. Romeo, Romeo. Where for is you, Romeo? Here I is, gal. Right below Yarden balcony. Well, get thee on that ladder, son. Forsooth, honey. I'll be there forsooth. Yuck! I'll be right up, sugar. Just a minute, Rummy. Get thee down from that ladder. Hush up, son. I'm ascending to my lady friend, Juliet. I'll then move over because I am the local, and this is the express coming through. I don't know what you did with that gag. Those, you can be the local, and the express. I must be the local. Now, wait a minute. I mean, either you is the local, or the express. Now, wait a minute. Who, uh, who is you, anyway? Here's my card. Hmm. Julius, Mushmile Caesar, and his orchestra, appearing nightly at ye Biltmore Arena. That's me. Now, listen here, Mushmile. You ain't got no business around here. Get off this ladder. Don't mess around with me, Romeo. Remember, flowers don't care who they lays on. I understand. A pass, friend. Guzzoox. Mm. Who had a Romeo? Somebody else, not me. Now listen, Romeo, you're coming up here, or is you ain't? Be patient, woman. Keep thy cloak on. Yuck! Oh, but sure, that's me. Hey, you, get off that ladder. What? You hear me? Juliet is my gal. Oh, no, she ain't, son. She's my gal. So you better hide the away-knee. Well, I'm going to take my razor, and you're going to be grinning from ear to ear. Understand? You make one pass at me, and you're going to be playing love and bloom on a harp. Well, in that case... pass, friend. He gasped. Hey, Romeo, Romeo, what is this pain and vile? I'm caught in traffic, honey. Well, here I come, Julie. Here I come. I'll be right with you, Julie. Oh, pardon me, brother, but you'll stand it directly in my path. Now, who that? Who that? Who is you? Othello. Othello who? Othello Jello. Oh, then you is the merchant of Venice. Pass, friend, unhindered. Look at that latter bend. Hey, Julie, can it be that you is unfaithful? I ain't unfaithful, honey. I'm going to look tonight. With me or not with me? That am the question. All these men climbing that ladder. I's regusted. Now, don't be jealous, honey. I'm just raffling off a Plymouth up here. A Plymouth? Oh, that's right. Where did I put my ticket? Oh, here it is. Here it is. The lucky number am 987X42. That's me. That's my number. I've got it. Here I come. Here's the dessert, friends, that will make a big hit with everyone because it's so good-lucking and so downright delicious. It's jellied plums, a swell attractive treat that combines luscious plums and rich emerald lime jello. Yes, here's a dessert that is really a masterpiece. A dessert that your family will get mighty excited about because it's so gay and inviting and so thrillingly good. Jellied plums is truly a treat of treats and easy to make. Simply dissolve one package of lime jello in a pint of hot water and chill until slightly thickened. Next, fold in one cup of canned plums. Then mold and serve plain or with whipped cream. And you'll say you've never tasted anything that was more delightful. Never laid eyes on a dessert that looked more enticing. Make up this grand treat. Tomorrow, get a package of lime jello. But be sure it's genuine jello because jello's new locked-in flavor is extra rich. This is the last number of the 26th program in the current jello series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Jack had a runaway and do a show for the Motion Picture Relief Fund. Good night, folks. J-E-L-L-4. The jello program is written by Bill Miro and Ed Beloin and is broadcasted each week by Shortway to our armed forces throughout the world.