 and get a bad rap in the dating, mating and relating realm for a very good reason. Because the reality is, is whether you're a man or woman, we are dealing with a population in the dating marketplace with a lot of dysfunctional people. What I mean to say is a lot of emotionally wounded people who have terrible relationship skills and probably weak emotional maturity. So it's no wonder it's a absolute mess out there from a dating, mating, dating, mating and relating perspective. So oftentimes what is actually happening is wounded people are bumping heads against each other, against each other, with each other, excuse me. And they find themselves in unfulfilled relationships, relationships that go nowhere, where there's ghosting, there's disappearing or even manipulation. Now here's the thing. I genuinely believe most men are good people. They're just bad daters. And yet there are men who have clinical issues. There's no doubt about that. And while I say anecdotally that roughly 20% of men have clinical issues, whether they're narcissists, whether they're sociopaths, whether, by the way, men and women I should say have clinical issues, whether they're bipolar, they're borderline passive aggressive. You name your DSM. There's probably a fair percentage of people. Again, I'm making this up. And while we'd all like to think that we're emotionally healthy to be in relationship, I will tell you that there's a vast majority of people that do believe that. I think some of those people are rather delusional. I'm gonna raise my hand as well because I have issues. Okay, I am no picnic when it comes to relationship. I have abandonment issues. I have trust issues. I have the whole laundry list. Now thankfully I've done some personal development, self-help and spiritual work to be aware of my issues. And yet I believe roughly 60% of the balance of the population are rather dysfunctional, meaning that they have weak emotional maturity and weak relationship skills. Now here's the thing. You ladies can all point the finger at men, but just remember there's three fingers pointing back at yourself. Women are no picnic as well. Believe me, I see a lot of dysfunctional women out there, whether they act entitled, whether they act grandiose, whether they sadly act like a doormat and they don't value themselves. Yes, that's right. There are women who don't value their own worth. This is one of the reasons why I continually recommend the book, Why Men Love Bitches, Why Men Love Bitches. This is a great, by the way, Bitch stands for babe in total control of herself, yes. And why I recommend this book is it's an empowerment book. By the way, all the books I recommend are listed in the description below under Jonathan recommends books. Why I recommend this book if you're one of those women who find yourself giving into manipulative men, I'm here to encourage you to take your power back because ladies, you are in charge of your relationship, Destiny, and I know while many of you would prefer to have the men, the leaders of the process, and all you have to do is sit in your feminine energy because naturally just being in your feminine energy is gonna magically work out. How is that gonna work out with the vast majority of dysfunctional human beings out there? And by the way, feminine energy doesn't mean you've healed your childhood wounds and traumas, and whether you're a man or a woman, we are dealing with a population of human beings that are riddled with childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas that cause them to have negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life, especially in their relationship life. This is why I continually recommend the book, the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. This is a deep dive to healing those wounds. So when you find yourself with one of those men who might be manipulative, you don't give your power away. And sadly, I witness women giving their power away. Why do you think I talk to women more so than men? Because you have a propensity because I don't know if this is biological or instinctual, but literally, and I don't know if it's because for the majority of male-female dynamics that women were always dependent upon men throughout Neanderthal days and probably up until 50 years ago. I just wonder if it's instinctual from that perspective. Listen, it's a clusterfuck out there from a dating perspective. What I mean to say is, listen, we no longer live in tribes, we no longer live in villages where we know the person whom we are probably going to be mated with. These days we're meeting for most likely total strangers. And if you don't really recognize, if you, listen, you can be naive, but naive is setting yourself up for failure. This is why if you follow my channel, I recommend a plethora of books to actually shore up your own emotional maturity and more importantly, your ability to actually be emotionally intimate in relationship. And ladies, just because you have a capacity to vomit your feelings doesn't mean you're any better at articulating your feelings. This is why I continually recommend reading the two books in particular, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. I highly recommend checking that out. Also this book, I hear you. The surprisingly simple skills to extraordinary relationships because this is gonna set you up. All of the books I recommend are gonna set you up to how to deal with that person who might be manipulative. So we're gonna lean into this conversation and I've got my trusty notes, okay? And listen, I've got six ways men try to manipulate you. Look, there's probably 15 different ways. There could be 30 different ways. I just went on the internet and I started to do a little bit of research based on my own experience. I wanted to update myself in this content because sadly, listen, I said earlier, I think most men are good guys, they're just bad daters, but I also do believe that there are really a lot of unconscious, selfish human beings right now out in the dating marketplace. I mean, I don't know if it's social media that's created this, I don't know if it's, I just don't understand why it's gotten to be so different. If you're a baby boomer or Gen Xer, like most of my circle of friends, the tail end baby boomers or Gen Xers, we grew up in a whole different environment. And I'm here to say that it requires a lot more knowledge and expertise to understand the mating process if you ever want to find yourself in relationship success. So I shared with you, there's gonna be six ways men try to manipulate you. Number one, they guilt trip you or worse, they gaslight you. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where a guy has tried to guilt trip you or worse, turn something around to make you doubt yourself? That is a, listen, okay, I'll be candid with you. By the way, you all know I'm in a relationship right now and I know some of you saying, don't talk about your relationships, you know, relationship, it's too TMI. Folks, if you follow me, you know, I've always believed in transparency. I've shared the experience of losing my child publicly. I've shared my life. I've shared my child publicly. I've shared my past dating experiences. So why would it be any different that I don't share my personal relationship right now? I shared from a place of wanting to give some perspective because even though I'm a dating a relationship coach, I'm not immune to the dysfunctionality out there because, and I just happen to be more aware than most people. So occasionally I guilt trip her every once in a while and I don't wanna share what she said in the beginning of our dating process, but she said something that kind of triggered me. And every once in a while, I throw it back at her. Now I do it in jest and I do it in fun, okay? And we laugh about it. But what if it's not in jest? What if it's not in fun? It's actually meant to needle you. Now I think people do this because they feel insecure. I think guilt trips are coming from their own individual insecurity or gas lighting. For example, listen, sometimes, listen, I've had situations where people have, for lack of better, accused me of something. I'll use that, that. And I completely denied it and I gave a different perspective on it. That's not gaslighting. Gaslighting is an intentional trying to undermine your own mental sovereignty, your own mental capacity, believing that something, this happens over a repetition. This isn't a one-time or two-time thing. This is a repetition's thing where someone continually tries to guilt trip you or they try to undermine your sense of reality. That's what gaslighting is. That's certainly a clear sign someone's trying to manipulate you. And I would highly recommend, if that's happening, run! Forest, run! Okay, number two. They don't help you resolve problems in your life. What I mean to say is, we all have situations where we could use help. When someone is selfish, they only focus on wanting you to help their needs, but they aren't genuinely teamwork oriented. Teamwork oriented. When you're teamwork oriented, you wanna help your partner out in the problems in their life. I know, even with my girlfriend, she was sharing with me something personal about one of her children and I offered to help. That's what a good partner does. That's what a good boyfriend or girlfriend does. They actually wanna help you in your life. And if they continually avoid your problems, dismissing your problems, that's a sign it's all about them and chances are they only wanna use you for their needs and not actually support you in your needs, okay? Number three. I kinda said this before in the gaslighting, but they undermine your confidence or force you to get out of your comfort zone. Well, okay. Now, when I think of foreshadow comfort zone, we men might push boundaries, especially when it comes to sexuality to get you outside of your comfort zone. I'm not so sure that's so bad. I'm not saying it's good. I'm just not so sure it's that bad, okay? But I'm here to say when they actually try to undermine your confidence. This is what all of this does. All of this manipulation is trying to undermine you so they can take advantage of you, so they can control you. Now, some people, again, people that have inherently controlling behavior are oftentimes completely unaware that they're doing this. It's just they're so programmed that most of the time they had a significant parent in their life that was very demanding, very controlling and they reflected in their own life to protect their own world or their own reality is that they have to control others to feel safe in their reality. This is why they sometimes undermine your confidence because they oftentimes are so insecure that if they make you insecure, that actually helps them in their own warped subconscious way to even the playing field. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? If it is, please hit that like button. Please hit the, please subscribe to my channel. Please share this as well. By the way, you see there's a link for coaching. By the way, if any of this is resonating with you and you'd like to have a discovery call with me, check out that link to schedule a call where you get to speak to me and see if working with a coach is right for you. Okay, number four, they ask lots and lots and lots of small favors. When someone continually asks you for small favors without reciprocating, that's a sign that they're trying to manipulate each. By the way, when I think of manipulation, I also think of taking advantage of a person. So what I'm sharing with you are just simple things, not simple, these are actually fucked up things people do. They do this because as I said before, we are riddled with a dysfunctional population. You know, I look at it this way and I'm gonna address this small favors in a second, but I look at it this way. Before I met my sweetheart, actually I like to call her my beloved now. I really feel a sense of connection with this person and she arrives in two days for our next three week adventure. I share this with you because I'm learning how a healthy, a real healthy relationship feels like and what I'm sharing in this video is when it doesn't feel good. See, when you're in a really good, healthy relationship, most everything feels good and even the uncomfortable things tend to work itself out. Now, this happens because we practice radical honesty with each other. We practice transparency. We're fairly aware of our child and wounds and traumas. We do a lot of self reflection. We are both intentional in the process and we have a strong connection with one another. And when you have this, you have a greater chance for relationship success. So in our relationship, we ask small favors of each other, that's okay when it's reciprocal, when it's a two lane street. This is why most of you know, I'm really tired of the current dating rhetoric because it's all centered around just the man's supposed to claim you and the man takes charge. That's all bullshit in my mindset. In my relationship, it's a two lane street. If you haven't read the book, if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated, this is a great book to throw out the gender bullshit and actually decide, do you wanna connect with someone at a heart centered level? Imagine this, imagine connecting at a heart centered level with another human being. I invite you to attract that in your life. I invite you to call in that kind of relationship so you don't have to worry about manipulation in a relationship. How do you attract that in? God, universe, spirit. I invite love into my life. I invite a healthy person in my life, emotionally healthy person, where we have an amazing chemistry with one another and we connect on a energetic level. And I invite in excellent communication skills, both where we can resolve conflicts and differences with ease. And it's a mutual two lane street when it comes to communication. The communication feels like you're talking to a good friend because you actually like this person. I also invite in shared that, excuse me, lifestyles that are blendable with one another instead of trying to pretzel myself into a relationship. I invite a relationship where we can blend lives together because we are aligned in our lifestyles and we can build this together and we share the same values with one another. And we can develop the deep roots of trust through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, being on the same page when it comes to money, being on the same page when it comes to the five love languages and certainly being on the same page in our sexual capacity because isn't it great to be in relationship with your best friend whom you can fuck on a regular basis? God, universe spirit, I call that into my life. I invite you all to call that into your life. You have the power to manifest what you want. First, understand what you want in relationship. And I got to tell you something ladies, most of you are rather clueless. You all go, Jonathan, I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want. And I say this because when clients come to me and they say, I know what I want, then I put them through my proprietary coaching program that I've created. And you know what happens after they've gone through the boot camp? Jonathan, why didn't they teach me this in school? Why didn't my parents teach me this? Oh my God, I had no clue what I want. And now you know how to ask the better questions to turn this into your life. So you avoid those men who are manipulative because number five, something human beings do to manipulate you is the fucking silent treatment. I really can't stand the silent treatment. Now, I experienced this as a child growing up. There's a picture of my mom and dad. They were married for 66 years before my mother passed away. Interestingly enough, this was in their 20s. My father is now 97 years old. He lives in Istanbul, Turkey. He wants to spend his last years on this earth and the country grew up in. But my mom had a capacity to give the silent treatment. It was rather painful as a child growing up. It was a rather painful to be in a situation. Anyone who gives you the silent treatment, that's fucked in my opinion. Now look, we might all need time to process something. We might all need time to process something. But taking more than 24 hours to process something, especially if you've said I love you to this other person. That's kind of fucked in my book, okay? A healthy relationship. You need to have communication with one another. You need agreements with one another that if there's differences that you state that I need a little time out, that's okay. But just going cold Turkey is absolutely bullshit. So definitely the silent treatment. And last and not least, and I'm going to share this with you. Last but not least, I'm just pulling something up. They withhold things from you. They withhold things from you. You know, one of the most important facets of a relationship, if you want to be in a healthy, happy, juicy, delicious relationship. Look, if you want mediocre relationships, go talk to other dating coaches. That's, homie don't play that. I'm here to encourage juicy, delicious relationship, healthy relationships. If you want those mediocre relationships, go follow the book, The Rules. That is plenty game playing ways to have really mediocre fucked up relationships. Follow that advice. Because I'm here to say that emotional intimacy is the tapestry to build a healthy, happy relationship. This is why I continually recommend the book by Robert Masters, Emotional Intimacy. If you don't know, listen ladies, like I said before, just because you can foment your feelings doesn't mean you're actually good at articulating your feelings in a way that's seen, heard, and understood. And I said here withholding, to be in a healthy, happy relationship, you need to be vulnerable, authentic, and transparent. And transparent means if it's material to the relationship, speak up. And so when you withhold something from somebody that's material to a relationship, that's a fuck thing to do. Because it's wearing you down emotionally so you put up with their bullshit. And like I said in the beginning of this video, whether you're a man or woman doing this, because women, you guys are no picnic either. I know you guys think like you walk on water, you don't. You're no picnic either. By the way, my coffee mug says, swear a little, you'll feel better. I know some of you get offended by my cursing. That's so unprofessional, blah, blah, blah, blah. Look it. I actually, someone wrote to me that the most intelligent people on the planet actually use expletives to enhance the sentence and that's what I do. So I'm here to say, how do you avoid manipulation? Let me say it starts by making better choices. Again, if you want that help at making better choices, schedule a call with me, number one. Number two is to be empowered. To be empowered in your own life. Stop giving your power away. Ladies, many of you, many human beings operate from the premise I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. We are such a fucking dependent culture here where we need validation from everyone else and let me be raised my hand. I'm guilty of this myself. I am riddled with insecurities. My mom fucked me up. Now I'm aware of this and it's kind of funny with my girlfriend. I bring it up on occasions. She laughs at me. She goes, is that your little kid talking? I go, yeah, it's my little kid talking and I know what her little kid's talking because we all have a little kid inside of us. We all have a little kid inside of us that wants to be loved so much. And yet we have all this armor, these masks we live in, the masks we wear. Many of you think I've rushed into my relationship. Let me tell you what really happened. We let down the masks. When you let down the mask, you actually open your heart up to real potential deep intimacy. And I'm here to say, if you want that to happen in your life, first off, you need to find someone you can trust. There's no doubt about that. And it's not easy in a dysfunctional society, but if you sift through enough, you can find that person, especially when you've created the mantra that I shared with you. You actually have the power to invite in an amazing relationship in your life. So you don't have to worry about being manipulated. Does anyone agree with me? Can I get an amen? Can I say, yes, Jonathan, this content resonates with me. All right, I think this would be a good place to start our Q and A. Those who know my format know that if you have a question, write the word question in the little chat box there and then post your question there after or purchase a super sticker, super chat or a super thanks if you're watching the replay replay. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box to order a super sticker. All of the funds from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. That's a picture of him with his brother and I. It's my son who passed away four years ago. That's his dog, Duke, who just passed away wearing a little tuxedo. In Connor's honor, I started the scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development or to donate to causes like the Hoffman process and Insight. Looks like I'll be donating another $1,000 very soon and I've made a pledge for another $500 as well. So I wanna thank you all for that support. Big hugs and appreciation. All right, looks like we have questions here. Oops, where did it go? Where did it go? Oops, hold on. Sorry. Okay, questions. Question, together for over a year, he broke up with me and continues to text me how much he loves me and how sad he is. What does he even mean? Wait, let me see this again. Together for over a year, he broke up with me and continues to text me. You know what? All right, listen, you're not gonna like this advice but you know what? What the fuck is going on, dude? You say you love me but you broke up with me. Are you a man or are you a fucking mouse? Okay, a real man doesn't lose what he loves. So are you a fucking pussy or are you a real man? Now, I'm saying this a little tongue in cheek but you know what? Call him out on his bullshit. Just say the words, I call you out on this bullshit. How can you say you love me and you broke? Now, I don't know the reason why he broke up but say look, either shit or get off the pot. If you want me back, by the way, I will forgive you but the price is gonna be a lot higher. So either step up or step out and make room for a person who genuinely wants to love me. By the way, does anyone relate to this? Do you agree with this? Cause that's bullshit. I'm so sorry I miss you. Yeah, you're tired. You want the cookie without, what's the, you want the milk without buying the, whatever it is, that phrase. That's just bullshit, Kimberly. Don't put up with it. Call him out on his bullshit. Does everyone agree with me? Say call him out on his bullshit. Write that in the comments below. All right, Kimberly. Thank you so much. All right, Ouija, how you doing, sweetheart? Question, please help me understand why he feels overwhelmed and pressured by dating Val due to his previous relationship in 2021. I invested, I invested a little by sleep with him once. Then I brought out the dating vows to him. So what, let's go through the dating vows for a second, everyone. So where is it? All right, so ask him what part of the dating vows confuse him? The agreement that we're going to invest in getting to know one another. Is it the agreement to be monogamously exclusive with one another while we're having regular sex together? Is it the agreement that we're not going to date others while we're getting to know each other and having regular sex together? Is it the agreement that we're going to speak up if this isn't working? Or is it the agreement to invest regular time? This is called fucking courting, okay? If you want my vagina, then you gotta court me. You gotta say, I've got a plan here. I'm not in it for the short run. But Jonathan, he's going to get scared. You want to scare the wrong guy away. If he's uncomfortable, he's a pussy. I'm sorry. There's nothing uncomfortable here for a guy who's genuinely seriously wants a relationship. By the way, in the description below is the dating vow, okay? So if you need a copy of it, it's there. Yes, 80% of guys are going to get scared by this. Or 90%, I should say. But these are guys who don't know what the fuck they want. I get riled up when, listen. Probably in my unconscious days, I might have acted the same way or I would have just ghosted you. But ghosting or at least ended it. I would have ended it by saying, it's not you, it's me kind of bullshit. But at least I would say, I'm not ready. So that's my suggestion for you. Weijin, does that help? Please let me know. All right. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Look at everybody. Kimberly says, call him out. That was the previous one. Call him out, call him out, call him out. There you go. See everyone, call him out. Call out is bullshit, exactly. There we go. Kathy says, great advice, thank you. All right, Stephanie writes, question. How do you know if you can trust a guy? Are there clear signs to know? I think trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust is, can I count on this person caring about my feelings as much as I care about my own? So, okay, here's a couple of ways to check, okay? First, does his action consistently matches words? Does his action consistently matches words? Number two, does he have victor consciousness or victim consciousness? Victim consciousness people are those people that oftentimes throw their ex-partner under the bus and they take no ownership as to why their past relationships have failed. Now, we all have reasons why we could have been with a partner that didn't work out, but if we don't take ownership on our own part, that's a sign of victim consciousness and not victor consciousness, okay? Number three, he knows how to fight fair. And what I mean is he has good communication, active listening skills, and when there's a disagreement, he listens to your point of view and accepts your point of view as being true for you, unlike Weijin's guy that we just talked about. Number four, he has empathy. Empathy isn't that you can just feel someone's feelings. Empathy is you genuinely care about someone else's feelings and more importantly, you have empathy for yourself. And lastly, you are transparent. And again, I said, if it's material to the relationship, you're going to speak up. Those five signs of emotional maturity are good starting point to pay attention if it's someone you can actually trust. I think, you know, when I think of my partner, and by the way, there's a picture of her and I there. We went out with her girlfriend and her boyfriend for dinner. And by the way, I'm a big advocate for spending time with other your partner's friends and she's met many of my friends. I've met some of her friends now. I'm talking, we're talking about me meeting her bestie, bestie who's a guy that she's known 40 years. No, no, yeah, 40 plus years. So they literally, I think they met in grade school or something like that. My point is, I get a sense I can trust her, but part of that is because we've been radically honest with one another. We've been vulnerable. We've been authentic. We've been transparent. We've laid our cards on the table. Now, here's the thing. Some people need to be concerned. I didn't address this earlier. What I didn't do in this relationship is we haven't loved bombed each other. Love bombing is a way to create false trust. Let me repeat that. Love bombing creates false trust. Love bombing looks like this. Oh my God, you're so amazing. You're the most amazing person on the planet. I can see us spending our futures together. Oh my God, this is just so different than everything else. And you let your guard down thinking that this person's legitimate. Love bombing creates a false sense of trust. Real trust is being radically honest and vulnerable with one another. With my girlfriend and I'm, by the way, the only reason why I don't share her name is she has privacy too. And I don't want people to infringe upon her privacy. I know someone complained, why didn't you share her name? Until she allows me, I'm not going to do that. But in our particular case, we really got vulnerable with our past relationships. I mean, we really shared the good, the bad and the ugly about our past relationships so we could give insight into how we operate potentially in our future relationships. I think you have to look backward to be able to get a sense of who a person is. And by the way, you almost have to be a detective these days to really, and you have to understand human behavior. That's why I recommend a plethora of books so you can understand human behavior. Because especially two books that I recommend habitually is Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunch and Also Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. This is two great books to understand and the Hoppen process to understand human behavior. Because if you don't understand human behavior, you're going to potentially make terrible choices in your life, especially when it comes to the area of trust. My girlfriend has done Lifespring, which is, I think it's a derivative of S that started back in the 70s. I've done the Hoppen process, I've done Insight, I've done Warrior Weekend. Thankfully, we've done a lot of introspective work because it's going to be hard to choose people to trust unless you've been radically honest and vulnerable with one another. And it means unpacking your past. Now, I know a lot of dating coaches will tell you to never do that. But there's a reason why we're at where we're at and if you don't understand someone's past, it's like voting for a politician and not finding out their voting history. Not to suggest, listen, I can't stand every politician on the planet, but I'm using that. You want to see their voting history to see what kind of person they might be in the future. This is why you look at a resume, you look at their past job experiences, you look at their schooling. We have to look at the past to get a sense of who this person is. And you have to have a sense of, you have to have a sense of intuitiveness because most of you guys are winging it, you're winging it. You operate from the premise that attraction chemistry equals relationship success. And I'm here to say, do you see attraction is above the waterline chemistry? Below the waterline is shared values, blendable lifestyle and emotional maturity until you can figure this shit out. You're setting yourself up for failure, focusing on mostly attraction and chemistry. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. So trust, you got to dig around. You got to unpack someone's past to get any sense of who they are in the future, as well as those five signs of emotional maturity I suggested, and maybe you have a chance to dive into deeper trust with this person when you can check off all those boxes. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know and schedule a discovery call with me because maybe I can help you with this a little bit further. All right, I wanna thank Stephanie for that fantastic question, really appreciate it. All right, let's see what we've got here. Oh my God, we got, shoot, we have a ton. I'm falling behind here, everyone. Bear with me, everyone, let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. Wait, Judy says, compliment your new relationship gives a new perspective and hope for all of us to go for it once you find the one where there are no rules. You know, folks, so I've been really thinking about my journey lately. I'm gonna take a break here and I'm gonna share things personal here. You know, I followed the blueprint growing up. Go to college, get a job, meet a girl, get married, buy a house, start a family. First blueprint, I knocked out two kids from that, okay? That was the blueprint mom and dad taught me, okay? Then all of a sudden my blueprint collided with my reality. We weren't right for each other. On so many different levels, we weren't right for each other and we got divorced. So I did what a lot of guys did. I signed up to match.com, or excuse me, back then it was Yahoo! Personals and AOL Personals. Does anyone remember Yahoo! Personals and AOL Personals post a comment, okay? And I started online dating and I thought it was gonna be real simple. You just plug in exactly what you want and someone would magically appear. Sure enough, they did. I met a woman, had a great first date. Nice woman, great date, something wasn't right. Another woman, nice woman, great date, something wasn't right, again, again, again. And in one year I had over a hundred internet dates. And what I realized that the something right wasn't me. And right about that time, the movie The Secret came out and I started to do a deep dive into the law of attraction and reading Louise Hay and started to do personal development work. I went to Tony Robbins and followed his work and I started to read all these different books to help me understand who I am because I didn't realize at that time it was preparing me for a new profession. So fast forward five years after my divorce, I met a woman. And we went on to have a six year journey, sometimes on and off in that six years. I was a mess when I met her. And yet she accepted me in my dysfunctionality. Now she's a therapist, beautiful, kindhearted woman, we're very dear friends with each other. She's in a fantastic relationship. And when it ended, I realized there was more healing I needed to be done. So I went to the Hoffman process to really heal my deeper childhood wounds and traumas. And then a few months later, my mom passed away. And then six months later, my son Connor passed away. And then six months later, my dad decided to move back to Turkey. And I was still, I was very much in a state of limbo. This is now a year after my relationship ended. And I was still actively dating, but I really wasn't capable of committing. My business took a slight dive. I didn't want to work. And then 2019, I really didn't have a good year. So that was another, that now it's two years later. And then COVID hit. So I asked myself, why is it taking me five years? Why do I, to meet someone really special? Well, interestingly enough, we met a year earlier and she knocked on my door and said, I'm interested in you. And I kind of blew her off. Then she knocked on my door again and said, I'm kind of interested in you. And I blew it off. And then six months later, she kind of knocked on my door and I still blew her off. And I'm thinking of that, that quote or that story about the woman and the flood where there's a flood coming into town and they warn everybody in the town to leave their homes and she doesn't leave her home. She said, God will protect me. And then there's the floodwaters coming. And then there's this little rowboat that says, I'll take you away. And she goes, no, God will protect me. And then later the floodwaters are raising and there's a power boat that comes by and says, I'll take you away. And she goes, no, God will protect me. And then she gets the waters, reach the roof and a helicopter comes and says, well, lady, lady, we want to protect you, take you away. She goes, no, God will save my life. He'll protect me. And she drowns. And she's up in heaven and St. Peter. She says, St. Peter, why did you let me drown? Why didn't you protect me? And she goes, I warned you at first. I sent you a rowboat the second time. I sent you a power boat the third time and I sent you a helicopter the fourth time. You didn't listen. So I think in my relationship, she knocked on my door three times. I finally listened and I made an overture to connect with her. And while it was a little awkward at first because this is long distance, I knew roughly by our second time together that this one is very special. I think men, when they're really ready, and that's the big piece in this all that I'm sharing this with you, is I felt ready, finally, to really step into my own individual power. I went through a lot of trauma, a lot of shifts. And yes, after my divorce, I had a significant relationship and it took me five years longer to meet someone even, I don't wanna say more special. Now I met someone incredibly special and maybe I'm moving fast, who knows? All I know is everything feels right with this person. She's so chill, she's so kind. We seem to just operate on the same wavelength. It's almost like, when I say something, it's just, or she shares something, we're already thinking of it because we seem so alike. They say opposites attract. I'm like, no, alignment is sexy. And so, and remember I mentioned my first girlfriend after my divorce? My girlfriend now, she and I have met my ex-girlfriend and we went and broke bread with her and her partner. We've met each other's friends. We're looking at shortening the long distance gap and making it no longer long distance. I feel like, you reach a point in your life, oh, and we're going on a vacation in a week, week and a half. I feel like when you reach a point in your life, you don't have time to fuck around. Get busy living or get busy dying. And so, diving in, not from an irresponsible place, but from a place of real radical honesty, laying our cards on the table, being introspective, having that strong connection, having lifestyles that are blendable, having a level of emotional maturity. I mean, our folks, you would be so jealous. I'm sorry, I'm gonna say this. You would be so jealous to hear the level of communication we have with one another. And you know what's amazing? I genuinely like this person. You know, I realize I have so many clients in relationship with men and they're pining for men whom they actually don't like very well. I like this person, I feel like she likes me. So, could it blow up? Absolutely, every relationship has a risk. There's no guarantee whether you move into, well, I mean, move to being exclusive quickly or waiting. The only reason why most people have to wait a longer period of time is because they don't genuinely know the person. While this isn't a dating book, I highly recommend reading the book, Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell, just to merely understand that is when you're meeting strangers, you need to do a way more amount of vetting. You need to do a lot more vetting. That's what I teach you in my private coaching. So, I went off on a tangent here. I share this with you all because a true heart-centered connection is rare. It really is. And something to be coveted, something to be nurtured, something to be appreciative of and certainly something to make a full commitment. And look it, there's things about her I don't like. There's things about me she doesn't like. We've actually talked about it. But these are little tiny things. This is our ego talking because when we look at the core, we're actually connecting at a heart-centered level and that's my invitation. By the way, many of you are not gonna, that's not gonna happen because you haven't shored up yourself. I went through, literally, from the time I get divorced till today, 15 plus years to go through the tunnel as Alison Armstrong talks about. Many of you are in your own tunnel. And that's okay too. The tunnel's a great place to heal. The tunnel is like the cocoon a caterpillar goes in. And it's time to metamorphize yourself. So read all the books in the description below to prepare you for a juicy, delicious, happy relationship. And that's my two cents on my own personal relationship. Has this helped? Does my content and my personal shares help? Please post a comment, say Jonathan, your personal shares help so I know. All right, let's see. We have time for a few more questions. Oh, let's go swim. Oh, no, we've got a scammer here. Sorry about that. All right. Weijin says, merci, Jonathan. I'm glad I told you. If he can't agree with me with the dating vow, then I can't take him regardless of how much I like him. Hey, put your money where your mouth, if he wants your vagina, he's gotta put his money where his mouth is. Oh, Weijin, another $10 super sticker. Thank you so much. Only keeping our standards and boundaries and taking risks will have a greater chance to receive the way we wanna be treated. You changed my life, dear Jonathan. Oh, Weijin, thank you so much. I appreciate that. All right, question. Please, Jonathan, 15 years without dating, how to get back out there? Any advice? Pray. I love where is my, Marianne Williamson says, what's the best advice I can give to someone who's just getting started? You know what? Read this book. This is a great book. If the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated. I love this book as a getting started platform. Start with there and then come back to me and let me know what you think of it. Mia, thank you so much for your question. All right. And B Potter says we come here for advice not to listen to your sappy love story. How does everyone feel about that? Is that true? Would you, is not, is my content, my personal shares not valuable? Does it, like, am I not articulating in a way to demonstrate what is possible out there? Am I not demonstrating the importance of radical honesty, laying your cards on the table, vulnerability, authenticity and transparency? Does that not translate into doing things a different way? Because that's what my hope is by making my personal shares. So anyway, thank you so much for your opinion. All right. Let's go swim in. Coco says, why does my boyfriend think I'm going to leave him all the time? He always says he doesn't understand why I'm still here. So this is, that is his little kid who has a fear of abandonment most likely. He has a childhood wound or trauma that has gone unhealed and he doesn't feel safe in love. I would have a conversation with him. I'd have a conversation with him to ask him, what's coming up? What is your little kid inside you need? I think folks, I think it's time to start recognizing that we all are adults that have a little kid inside of us and ask him, what does his little kid need to feel safe in this relationship? That's my invitation anyway. All right. Thank you so much for that question, Coco. I hope that helped. Jenny, the RN says, you sincerely finally ready. You got this babe. Thank you for the 1999 Super Sticker. I really appreciate it. Claire says, your personal share is valuable. Thank you so much. Kimberly says, I love your story. Thank you. She sounds absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much. All right. Kimberly, Chicago, Kimberly, question. I know I'm being manipulated by a man in my life right now. Pretend you are talking to this gaslighter. What would you say to him, role play? All right. See, I need specifics. This is hard, Kimberly, because I like to have the specifics to actually do a role play. So I'm your big brother. I've got the shotgun out there. I pointed at the guy's face. What are your intentions with my little sister? Would be my first. And I put the fear of God in him because I've got a shotgun pointed at his penis and saying, I'm gonna shoot your nuts off if you fuck up, fuck with my sister. So first and foremost, what would I say? It appears your actions don't match your words. So you claim one thing, but your actions say another. What kind of man are you? Are you a man that your actions match your words because there seems like there's an inconsistency. That might be a way to get this. You see, now that's not, I would say that to him. You know, here's the bottom line. When relationships don't feel good, they're usually not the right relationship. And they don't feel good. They're usually not the right relationship. When you don't feel safe, if you feel like you're being manipulated, that means you're not safe. And if that's happening, that's not a good sign in this particular case. So I'm here to say the best relationships usually are relatively easy. I mean, maybe you got to go through hoops and hurdles like the travel and whatnot, like what's happening in my case. But for the most part, the best relationships work well. You don't feel doubt. You don't feel uncertainty. You don't feel unsafe. And if someone's manipulating with you, I would say, bye-bye, that's what I would do in that particular case. Kimberly, thank you so much. All right, this might be our last question for the night. Question, your thoughts on the phrase if he wanted to, he would. Was dating a guy who was not meeting me halfway? I just stopped trying. So did he. I figured the phrase accurate, your thoughts. You know, here's the bottom line, folks. I'm gonna respond to that, okay? The three types of people actively dating. The users, the spenders and the growers. The users are the love bombers, the short-term game, the players, the gold diggers. By the way, this is not a fact, it's merely an opinion. The selfish people only caring about their own needs. The spenders, they seek connection, companionship, coupling, and sex. No direction, uncertainty, fearful, usually have a dysfunctional life. And lastly, the grower and builders. Those are only 20% or less of the population. They seek long-term commitment. They're emotionally grown up. Good relationship skills. They have their act together. Folks, you have an 80% chance of ending up with a user or a spender. Spenders might be able to turn it around. That's only gonna happen when you actually have a plan. Listen, intentional dating is all about why the fuck are we doing this? Are we just hanging out to have a good time? We should have a good time. I just wanna live in the moment. Don't put pressure on me, I wanna have a good time. Listen, the minute you become physically intimate with someone, the minute you start kissing someone, the minute you start having affection or attachment to someone, you're putting your emotional heart on a limb. And that's a scary place to do if you've done it again, again, again. So trust is built through healthy communication. Trust is built through an intentional way of approaching the process. Instead of this, I'm winning it, I'm winning it, I'm winning it way, that 80% of the population and ladies, you are in charge of your destiny. Make them in before they get to fuck you, read these books. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. All right, thank you so much, Laura, for that question. You know what, this will be a great place to wrap up today. Folks, listen, it sucks because the world is rather dysfunctional. It is. It's divided country here in the United States. We have a lot of emotionally constipated human beings. It's not easy. I'm here to promote personal development, self-help and spiritual work. I'm here to promote my book, What the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help and Spiritual Work. By the way, there's a link below to get all the books I recommend. Why do I recommend my book? Start someplace in your life to shore up your self-love because whether you meet the right person or not, what's most important is the right relationship with yourself. That's what my channel is all about. Encouraging individual empowerment. So if you're not with the right guy, you can either walk away. By the way, if you ever feel like you need to walk away, read this book too good to leave and too bad to stay. Definitely check out this book. I recommend this. I just started reading it so I'm not fully recommending it yet. So, oh, I ordered a book called Sacred Partnerships. I'm really, it comes in tomorrow. I'm excited about that. Anyway, I think you get the gist of where I'm going. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Be empowered in your life. Don't subscribe to the idea that attraction equals relationship success. Remember that you need to share the same values. You have blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity and watch out for those manipulative men like I talked about today. All right, I think this would be a great place to wrap up today. First off, you know my rhetoric. Please sign up to my YouTube channel. Please like this. Please share this with your friends. I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Johnathan Berg of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone. A Pat, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank, who do I wanna thank? We got lots of people. Mia, Magic Star, CeCe, Weegean, Stephanie, Jenny VRN, Amber, Mary Ann, Brenda, Janet, Julie. Sorry I didn't answer your questions. Goddess of Ever, Lisa, Kathy, Gloria, Lauren, Kimberly, everyone, Cole, Coco, everyone, thank you so much for the love. I really appreciate it. Have a fabulous evening, be well. Thanks, bye now.