 What's up? Good people and welcome back to SPM bars. My name is Shiko Gitao. If you are new here, Karibusana. Today we have an amazing guest, Najili Kanakama, Wanjiro Kiyama. And Wanjiro Kiyama is a cancel especially matters, relationship and marriage. So it's up to you to pick a story. And first of all, I watch any Kupi Fursa wu Jintrodus. Then we get to the 14th. It's the month of love. Jintrodus labdako atazama J2Con. Ah, Najili Kanakama. Kusohili tu nasemam toa nasaha. Diyana itwa cancela. And that is what I do. And I am a marriage coach. And I thank God because he has used me. And I am reaching out to families. Oh, beautiful. Now on the 14th of this month, you have something for us. Or for people out there to envy elabdanini na happen on the 14th Valentine's Day. We know 14th is Valentine's Day. But we have organized something very good for couples and singles to come to Rainbow Resort Ruiru. We shall have dinner. We shall have a talk by Wanjiro Kiyama. We shall have very good music by a man called Kamauka Rongo. And we shall have ladies getting a glass of wine and a rose. And there will also be chocolate for everybody. And now the talk is the climax because you want to see what is happening in families because all is not well. But we have to talk. But personally I think couples are busy looking for money and they forget to be romantic and to love. And that's what I remind them that day. To be romantic. To be romantic and to give love. You know, you said all things are not all okay. Because of course last month we had stories of femicide end up from the stories. Roughly 40% of them are from marriage or married people. And maybe Kwanzaa, since you stated that you are a counselor, what is the reason why you are a counselor, a marriage counselor and a marriage coach? Why? I became a marriage counselor. After what I went through in marriage, my husband felt sick and I took care of him until the day he left this world. So I felt now that I've made it, why don't I share with other women so that they can follow Even if they don't follow my example, please they know that marriage is work and marriage works is only you who can make it. You can spice it even if it's bad. You can know what to do and spice it because marriage originates from God and everything that comes from God is good. Yes. And maybe you stated there are some things that couples really need to do or you felt kuna vitrombas or couples hawa fanyi and that is why we are seeing these stories out there. Labda, you can tell us or tell us more about his vitrombas or what to hawa fanyi kwenyendo. Well, commitment is number one. People are more committed to their businesses than to their spouses. Adotary is on the higher side and so men have side chicks. Women are getting bintens and so there is a lot of problem that is why because men are more jealous. Sometimes they kill their wives once they know that their wives have gone out of marriage. And to ease this, we only need to love each other and be romantic and know what is expected of us because if you find me in the house looking like a good girl, a smart girl, a smiling girl, I don't think you'll live. If I went home and found my husband waiting for me, waiting to hug me, waiting to pek me, I don't think I'll live that house. So that's what we are trying to do and that's why I want to welcome people, to come to that talk because it will be powerful and that is why there is a fee. Kapos are paying 5,000. Singos are paying 2,5 so that now we can enjoy everything, even that wine, even that food and all will be well. And I know the marriages, the people who you attend, their marriages will never be the same again. Yes. Well, I am not married. I know so little about marriage. But why do you think or we have these stories out there? Kwa mba marriage is only beautiful, skuza kwanza kwanza, they call them the honeymoon days. After that, you start seeing your partner like nothing, heshima ina potea, mbone ina kwa tunizile skuza kwanza kwanza, it doesn't go for so long. This is kuzoiana. Ukizoiana, you get tired and that is why I tell Kapos if you can put that writing that says just married so that you read it every day and you think you are married just that day. When you see it as a new marriage, you never fight. Rakinimu kizoiana, sasa ita kuwa, oh, sikujuwa una ngorota ukirala, oh, sikujuwa una eza kunigonga, oh, sikujuwa you shout no. Get married every day. Yes. You mentioned something about being romantic in marriage. And I think it's something a lot of Kapos are finding it so hard because of whatever you have stated, quote-unquote, kuzoiana. How do they keep up with this? Kus utapatan to they are married for 20 years, for 30 years. Is it possible for them to remain romantic for this 30 good years? I think I'm a good example. I've been married for 38 years and I think I was a romantic girl. I went through until my husband went to be with the Lord. It's how life is what you make it even now as a young girl. If you want to look down on your boyfriend or your fianc, it will happen. If you see him as a man, a good man, he'll be a good man. So it's in the making of each individual. Yes. Because even now after he has left, I don't want to sit there and look like a very sad widow. I want to look like a romantic widow. Oh wow. I mean being a romantic person, what does it entail in general? Romance. It is, okay, jokes. Juking with your spouse is part of romance. Peking, holding, hugging, giving compliments. You smart, I love your colon. That way. Kuling by the name Mary Joseph. Ya. All that is romance. Kuna dada wa taki wa itwema jeena. They want to be called sweet names. Na babes. There is power in na name. I better be called Esther than babes. Why? I will be a baby. I will behave like a baby. I don't like that name. Babes. And that is why you watch. Watoto wa nazariwa wana itwa dadi na mam. And they are looking responsible. Na itana babes wana pigana atabele wa toto because of the power of the name babes. So you wouldn't advise a couple out there kuitana like hijira baby babes? If it precedes them, I wouldn't make a judgment, that is me. I don't want anybody to ever call me babes. Even if I got a friend now. And my husband went calling me Esther. We have never called each other babes. I used to call him David. And he used to call me Esther. There is power in na name. But they say these sweet words are also part of the quote and quote roman. But you are the same people who are saying jifanya tu kuni ita babes na ukuna sidechik. No. Unuskia mutua na ita bibi babes, akitokanja na ita sidechik. Babes, which is which. So it's a better name. Maybe talking about issue yaku chit. Because of late we have also been having, everyone has a voice in this. Because ladies feel men cheat a lot. Men feel ladies are so much looking for people with money, even those who are married. And there is this debate in Mekwa a couple of weeks ago. Because a couple of people felt like naturally money is polygamus. Yani manome haizikana manam ke moja. Manome hari wubuana. Si juni kam changa, kali wubua kakuwa kaliya side. That is why they are called sidechicks. We don't want to say it's natural, but we find it happening. And I think looking at women and feeling good is no more for men. It comes bad when a memue kama hari na kona bibi. But having fun with them, colleagues and others, it makes men feel very good. But the fun sometimes in a go overboard. Now those are people without control. Because when I was a teacher, I used to go for kukulam nyaman na my colleagues and there was nothing beyond that. But because somebody is after that man who has money, one thing you lead to another na nita kuchokoza na uta nitu kuwa. So there is a lot of lust. There is a lot of love of money. There is a lot of kuzoeana iyo. And so people in the house are like housemates, not lovers. I wish people can be lovers in the house. Nobody will go out. What advice would you give men? Because after that a lot of men were actually in support. Yes, and we had even some who were advising. For example, we all know Pastor Man Kush. We had an interview with him, Nalisa Makonba. The only man who is not supposed to have two or more wives is only a priest. I'm a pastor. When they are allowed, it's okay because it's natural for them. It gives man some peace of mind. If say Kush, nikuwa na meangalia, if we start fighting that, it's like you are fighting a losing battle. And that is why he has left them to do what they want. But remember the Ten Commandments. If you are a Christian, you should not commit adultery. Now getting another person is adultery. Hiyomutambiana na mungu. That is why Kusha mewa acha. Mutuwa chaguwe. Life is full of choices. And choices have consequences. So a mewa acha as you are judge. Because he is Paul, he likes showing us his wife so he has no two wives and he's a good example. But these are the men. Imekuwa piya preja. Waka iona huyuwa na wawiri ya na hendia wa tatu. Na unaona vire kumekuwa na vita. Some pretend to be friends. And then within a short time we see those women fighting. And mukikuyu wa kukosea, these two wives are two pots of poison. So they can never rhyme. So even those who are pretending to rhyme at the end of ito tu naona waki pigana na waki tukana na. So according to God it's not right. But according to where we are now, we think Kira mutuwa fanya na choizi ake. And maybe I advice in Yoneza, pay a man, now you, as I want you to come. Yoneza want me anini on this whole debate on having multiple partners. And having that mentality kwa mba manis naturally polygama. I want to tell our men to take care of us because ume ona vire sabiko kansa ime ingia sana Kenya. Nikuwa sababu, he HPV virus, wana ume ona ibeba, they don't get sick. So the more multiple women he sleeps with, he might end up giving them that disease. And that is very unfair. So I would ask them, kwa anini musiru di kwa zero grazing? Kana bibi ako? Kama uri ona imu iginia ame nona? Nona e shawako? Kama uri ona ame jipaka mafuta vizuri? Pakawako? And then we are going to be okay. Kwa sababu akuna manamki ameka angwa, we are all the same. Age is the difference. And there is what we call the consequence of sexual sin. And men should know this, that if somebody took yushiku and your somebody's daughter, his daughter in future, who is now very small, will be taken by a married man. What goes, yeah, comes around. So mutua kifanya iwi afikiri e. Nani me ona he is sexual sin in proverbs 31, one to nine, there is a mother who is advising the king, my son, avoid women. Kwa me angusha hata wa faalme. So uki edana nawa uju uta anguka. Most of the men I know who are the multiple women ended up poor because sexual sin brings poverty. Now talking of this whole story, I don't know whether it's something that you may be willing to talk about or to talk on, because miliana kwenye mi tandao mahali, kama you also, he's a daze, you also had to, had that issue of cheating in your marriage. How did you overcome that? How was it for you as a lady? The first thing and I thank God he helped me was forgiveness because I had already done counseling and somewhere we learnt that forgiveness brings healing. So the first thing was to forgive and because now he came home sick, I had to forgive and take care because I came as a helper and the Lord would always remind me and the vows, so my vows gave me strength. I would tell myself, wajiru you are the one who said in times of sickness and in times of health and I've done that for 18 years and I thank God. How easy is that? Because for example, I know I have, we have a lot of ladies out there who have the same stand. For me, I have tried to put myself in the shoe of a lady who is experiencing cheating or rather the man is going out in marriage and for me I feel like I can't forgive such. If it happens, it's the end. The best thing is to forgive the one who is in your house then that one who is out there. If you are a real Christian, pray to God to give her a husband and it has happened. It is painful, it's a painful pill, but when God sees that you can pray for your enemy to get a husband at Ampera Maramoja and they will never fight again. You will have your husband as a whole. Utam tukua whole. But out there they say once a man is a kuchit it becomes like a norm. Especially if I forgive them what I do is like a norm. I can't forgive such. I can't forgive such. I had a couple here and they came to my office and they forgave each other and they are good to go now. So you can tell ladies out there boldly looking at this camera. I can tell them forgiveness brings healing. It is very painful. Kujwa matunda ako ya meriwa namutumungine. But the minute you forgive you start seeing this person unamonea uruma. Because even some girls out there are provoking our men namanawa tukua. Why don't you pray for your man because you said utampenda hata kiwambaya? Are we now afraid of taking these vows because? That is why the Bible clearly says you better not vow than vow and not fulfill. I better not take those vows. But nini muna tukua kama poem and then the following day you are fighting. I do ini nani hapa because you said at times ladies are out there provoking married men. I do ini ma marriage nuhu na provoke your man. Men are weak. When I talk to some men here I ask them, how did you cheat? I go, I found myself in Naivasha. We almost turn out ini kaliya ala ni ambiya manen on irijiwa na Naivasha. I didn't even know what to tell my wife. Don't think they plan some of them. It comes. And that's why every morning you are supposed to pray for your partner. Naia kumbe. Diyo mushinde vizuri asiyonane na hawa na haribu. Oh my goodness. I think we'll look for more time and talk much about this. But before we leave I want you to look at this camera. First of all talk to ladies in marriage and also talk to men. Ladies I want to tell you that marriage is sweet and don't say you'll take somebody's husband because utawe kwa vizuri na uta kwa na responsibilities a kufuangu o kupika we ni kua kwa una pere kwa kwa hoteli but there are consequences. Na sisi wana waki amba utume olewa let us take care of our husbands so that we are all over them and giving them food and cooking for them nicely. We are in good clothes putting on cologne to sika e kamas kia kuru kwa njumba hata toroka kwa evo each one of us even the man has a role to play. We mwa na ume penda bibi ni bibi bidi na kwa bia u penda bibi bide kristuari penda kandisa. Na sisi wana waki we humble to submit na hapa wana waki wate kuna submission kama ni u koloni apana submitting is asking just even asking something he will feel like a king sio ana ingia njumba una muriza he uri ingia it's very different so ladies take your part gents take your part girls look for your men get married because that is the the will of god kua olewa kua nabuanako wachiakunye merewa wengine na jwa na jwa nita tukana miu tukana wasana na wasana ni kisei maivi hatakuna moja kwa warabuni ali ni ambia I started watching you the other day because I think you are again side chicks ni kama bia there is no way I will support side chicks I will pray for them and I will tell them to pray for themselves to get good hasbats they are there ya now please talk to to the side chicks or rather ladies who are going out with married men talk to them girls some of you are employed some of you are even driving why should you go and take somebody else's hasbad na muna se masikuchuku ani wawa na kuja tell them to go to their wives tell them to go to their children because all what you are doing utalipa machozea na liwa liliwa na weo bibi atawa utalia and because you don't want to get such a hasbad then one day you get married please get your hasbad get married love them give them what they want ya and then you get what you want in a minute I know it will be so bad of me kumaliza interwebila kuhiliza iswali because it's a discussion finally I've had with a couple of my friends yesterday and today what role does kitendo chandoa play in marriage because of course waki enda inje you said sometimes waki angaliya that's what most of them are after what role does kitendo chandoa play in marriage there's a book that I read it's called his needs are needs na i me categorize each person has five requirements and for a man the first requirement fulfillment ake a kwanza is sexual fulfillment and I always say there is a book called how to beat your wife hiu kitabu mutu yule me andika siku piga and I say ma my wife I ask for sex from you 365 times that is every day of the year and I only succeeded 36 times what can you say about such a wife and the reasons you gave why I have a headache my back is aching my mother-in-law is here see jwi ni ni what you came there as a helper and that is one thing you should help because the book of corindian says where you can't help yourself and I can't help myself as a man tukutane katikati tu saidi ane hiu kitu ya bedroom it's the best that keeps families 365 days 365 days 365 days yule yule yukitu na ripata oni 36 times so uh for you una yu will tell ladies it should be 365 days to keep them satisfied no hiu tana ita kuwa too much but at least make this man happy you came to make him happy nini yu do umutangari amone mo yu enu we shall be having it there is a week twice a week every day of the week regarding or depending on the strength strength of a woman strength of a man all right thank you so much ma'am for your time it's a whole discussion and of course you'll look for more time have such sessions from experiences in unapata maybe guiding people in marriage and things like that but uh what one has a kufatili or a pedon whether you have social media platforms yeah my my my facebook is wanjiru kyama or mcu kansera wanjiru kyama tik tok is wanjiru kyama official youtube is wanjiru kyama and my number is 0722822928 all right thank you so much for your time and that to anyone watching us i hope you have learned something today mimi mimi me learn a lot maybe you can tell us palivok on your comment section one take home that you're going to take from this particular interview until next time habini hoshiko gitao remember you can find her kwaizu social media platforms amezakupiana the number amezakupiana you can reach out to her as a couple as a single if you need any advice until next time have yourself a good time