 Welcome to day two of the 21 convention 2017 of Rolando, Florida 10-year anniversary special event. Our next speaker is Ryan Stone. Ryan as I was speaking to him told me and I believe him very sincerely and very deeply that he's a good example, a great example of what the Red Pill can do for you as a man, as the average man, the everyday man trying to improve his life and understand women himself and how men and women interact. He's also a moderator at the Married Red Pill subreddit on reddit.com the forum and he was strongly recommended to me right off the bat by Rola Tomasi and he was helping me build the speaker list earlier this year. Without further ado, please help me welcome Ryan Stone to the stage. Morning everybody, can you hear me in the back? All right, so I want to thank everybody at the 21 convention, Anthony, Rolo for the invite, Hunter who'll be up right after me. A little bit about me. My kid from Edmonton, Alberta, parents got divorced when I was about five years old. Most people here are probably kids of divorce. Ended up being raised in a small farm, a small ranch in small town British Columbia. My dad was a playboy, a bit of a gambler. My stepdad did drugs, loved to drink, drove a Harley. So I rebelled against the family, went to university, fuck that. Ended up doing the life script that everybody kind of knows. Work hard, play hard, follow your passions. Didn't work out so hot. Got drunk one day, joined the Royal Canadian Navy. Seemed like a good idea. It let me follow a vision, queen and country. Ended up settling down with a nice girl. Life was good. Hit a little bit of a road bump. I'll spare you the details because nobody likes a pity party and there's nothing more attractive than a guy who complains. Ended up doing the Google search, going, what the fuck just happened with my life? Ended up on the married red pill and year or two later, here I am today. So the married red pill and the red pill in general, they're really just guys swapping notes. It's a bunch of guys, they get together, they talk about the problems, the grievances they have in life and they come up with practical solutions on how to deal with it. So I'm not here as me. I'm here as the thousands of guys over 10, 20 years all the way back to pickup artistry in the 1980s who put these notes together and talked about their grievances. So a little disclaimer, I'm not a speechwriter. I'm not an intellectual. I'm not a thought leader. I'm sure as fuck not a role model. I don't have a book for you to sell or a book for you to buy. I don't have a course for you to take. I'm here because I enjoy life. I enjoy the struggle. I'm here because I would rather live in a world where I know what's going on and accept it for what it is than a world where it's what I want it to be and end up getting let down. My plan is to give you a very, very brief overview on a typical male action plan or a map. It takes about half a dozen books and approximately a year or maybe a month for every year you've been in a relationship, you've been married to unfuck yourself. Because let's face it, relationships, they're women's work. The topic of this speech is male navigation of relationships, but fuck that. It's about unfucking yourself. So we work with the idea of what they call a proxyology. It's simply put you know that things are purposeful. People aren't random. Girls aren't special. You're not special. Your problems aren't unique. Everybody has them. We're shipbuilders. We're building a ship. We're not going to tell you why you have to build this ship. We're not going to tell you where to chart your course. We're not going to tell you what your goals need to be. It's the how. It's all about how it's guy swapping notes. It's like auto mechanics. Now for your ship, you can build a cigarette boat, something fun, something flashy, something fast. You can build a houseboat, something big, something you can fit a family into, something comfortable. Fuck. You can build, you can build a shitty dow and go park yourself a couple miles off the coast and go fish and drink every day if that's what you fucking want to. It's your life. It's your rules. So you've built your ship and you're the captain. The thing about being a captain is everything that happens on board is your fault. We have a saying we had in the military for us once we got to middle management started getting the ODs under us. Your mistake, my fault. It doesn't matter if it's one of your crew. It doesn't matter if it's the sea. It doesn't matter if it's your own incompetence. It's your fucking fault anyway. So you might as well run it like you want to. So we find when guys have hit that rock bottom moment, there's usually two generic categories of men. There's the fallen man and there's the backup plan. The fallen man, AKA Chad, AKA the alpha fucks. He's the playboy. He's the jock. He's the successful business guy. He's the guy that's good with women. I was that guy. I joined the Navy at 23 because I was bored looking for a vision, which was great. Hung around a bunch of other men and I learned how to ride life hard and put it away wet. I remember at the time I was a little bored with dating so I kind of learned pick up the mystery method. Life was fun. I had it by the balls. I was fit. I was fun. I was financially successful and I fucked. I call it the 4Fs of a good life. And for a while there it was good. You work hard. You play hard. Hard work pays off. Life's a meritocracy. Why wouldn't you believe that? That's all you're knowing. Then at one point, a couple years into it, tragedy struck. Like I said, I'll save you the pity party. Nobody cares. You guys all have your stories. Ended up sitting there one day. The fuck just happened here. I went from a guy who was fit, who was financially successful, who fucked, who was fun. I went from that to a guy who ended up drinking every day. Taking SSRIs, huge anxiety attacks and a nice little shit locker to boot. So like a typical guy, I end up searching online for my problems and ended up in the married red pill and here we are. The funny thing too I find is when we're down, a lot of the behaviors that manifest with us tend to be unattractive. So it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy, like a self-sabotage. When you're down, you tend to sulk, you tend to complain, and those are the things that make you unattractive and it doubles down. It sets up this great narrative for your spouse, your wife, your girlfriend to be the hero and the victim and you to be the asshole. And of course, you should leave her ass. I think Rolo talked about that yesterday where he brought up the shit testing you so that way she has a reason to get out of the house. So I've said it already. I joined the Navy when I was 23. I was bored. I was kind of directionless. At the time, I followed that life script of following your passion. Didn't work out so well. Turns out your passions don't make money. They kind of suck. Worked hard, played hard. The one thing I will say about my situation is there's another red pillar. I don't know if you guys are aware of him. His name is Terence Pop. He has a video on administrative violence on YouTube. I strongly suggest you guys go check it out. Especially, I know there's a few people here who are in the forces. There was at least one sailor here. Was there not? Show of hands? Is he here? No? There we go. It's a good thing to know for your future anyway. At the time when I first settled down, it was like the, it was like the Chad and it's very easy because you date women. You date a lot of women and they kind of filter themselves out. They'll all have a red flag at some point, distance them off. At the time, the girl I was seeing, the one I'm with now, she was 19. We were casually dating amongst dating other ones. She was about 23 at the time. I was turning 30. I remember I was dating a stripper and she flaked on me the one day when we were in a foreign port. She was dating some son of a rock star and she flaked on him. She just happened to be there and I kind of had that moment, that vetting moment that guys have. You realize I've been dating her on and off for a couple of years now and she never had any red flags. It was fucking new to me. So like, let's give it a shot, see what happens. And it works great. That's when you start building up your little piggy bank of high quality relationship behaviors. I paid the mortgage. I paid the bills. Why the fuck not? I'm a high value man. This is my place. It's not hers. She had all of her money. It's her disposable income. She can buy what she wants to. She wants to get a high price luxury car. Fuck sure. Why not? Should be fun. She runs in a little financial trouble. I'll help. I'll bail her out. Why not? We're a team, right? She'd do the same for me. I like how you laugh at my pain. Thank you. So like I said, after a few years in, the hardship struck, the administrative violence, that it didn't help either way that the month before that I got hit by a car, almost lost two fingers. I was kind of laugh at that. Deployed outside of Iraq, fighting pirates in Somalia. What kills me? First month in Montreal, trying to ride a bicycle. Fuck a C. So something happened then when I was down. And this happens to guys. It's maybe something you don't bounce back from right away. Maybe it happens after a year. Maybe it's 10 years. Some guys, you even notice it at that 20 year mark, the golden years, once the kids are out of college. It's like a light switch. Something happens. You reach back into that piggy bank of all those good little relationship tokens you've been dropping in there over the years, and you find out it's not even there. It's like they call it the light switch effect, and she essentially rewrites the narrative. So it's not, it's the things that she used to like about you and all the things that kind of piss her off. You've always been an asshole, even though you're like, what the fuck are you talking about? And it turns out that nice sweet girl that you met, that you properly vetted, and she was the best one. She's not like any of the other girls. She gets cold. She gets bitchy. She fucking hates your guts. And she sure as fuck doesn't want to fuck you. So best case scenario, you end up in this life of quiet desperation where it's like a constant cold war. And worst case, she divorces you. She takes the kids. She gets a little payout for her troubles, because you've always been an asshole. The second guy is the backup plan. The beta box. I call him guy, as opposed to man. He's the guy who was never very successful with women. I was this guy too. In high school, I fucking owned real estate in the friend zone. It's a fucking booming market. I look like Pedro off of that movie Napoleon Dynamite. It was fucking embarrassing. If you guys remember, do you guys remember the 90s haircuts, the undercut where they got the part in the middle and it's like down to here? Yeah, that one. Fucking embarrassing. College too. I ended up getting a good social network full of a lot of guys, a lot of the jocks and that. I was getting into shape, so I was there, but my mentality wasn't there. And a lot of guys have it. Rollo talks about it in his new book. He calls it the promise keepers. And it stems from your childhood. So if you guys think back, you can probably remember a situation where your mom was bitching about your dad or your stepfather. Mine did it all the time. He was always an asshole and you're just a kid. You don't know any better. All you know is that woman there who's the most important person in my life. She fucking hates this guy and she complains and you take it at face value and you make a promise with yourself. You're like, I am never going to be like that fucking guy. That guy makes the girl that I like feel like shit. Here's the problem though. You're a kid. You don't fucking know any better. A lot of times when women complain, it's just their mouth collecting their thoughts. You got, but you take it literally at the same time. Yeah, he's an asshole, but he got her. He's able to get women with it. So you end up throwing out the baby with the bath water and you end up just self sabotaging yourself. It's probably one of the cruelest little tricks we play on ourselves. So luckily enough, I got out of that early enough, but some people carry on with it and they double down. They decide they're going to be the best lawyer, the best doctor. They're going to be that guy that women will like. It's working very hard to win that prize at the end. And that's all you hear is like your little ego stroking to kind of reinforce that. Yeah, of course, I would love a guy like you. Not right now. I mean, we're friends. And then sure enough, you start getting to around your 30s. You start getting into your stride. She gets to the tail end of I wasted my 20s. And now all of a sudden you become the prize and it reinforces it in your head. Oh, I worked hard 10 years. I got the prize. Men are aspirational lovers. And you know, by the time somebody hits 30, you start showing some wear and tear. You get some barnacles on the hull, but you don't see that. You see that same 19 year old that you fell in love with 10 years back. She looks just as perfect to you. They call it wife goggles. And it's one of the greatest things ever. That's why guys still see their wives 20, 30 years in as that same girl they first married. So here's the thing though, you find out, and it's a cold fucking slap of reality, you paid full price for used goods. She doesn't really get attracted to you. This sex doesn't really work for you. It kind of tapers off, maybe once a month, kind of starfish, just enough to keep people going fucking mad. Maybe she wants a baby. All of a sudden one week out of the month. Hey, this is the sex it's supposed to be like. I did something right. I fixed it. I knew if I just did more chores. Sure enough, then she has the baby, settles it back down to nothing. And then something happens. And then something happens. It's another article I really strongly suggest you guys read. It's probably my favorite one out of all Rolos, even though I'm not sure he agrees. It's called saving the best. It's eventually, it's a basically describing this guy. And in that story, I believe the guy finds a sex tape. That is wife film back in college. She ended up doing all kinds of shit. Now here's the thing. He didn't care that she was a whore. She cared that she wasn't his whore. She didn't do oral. She didn't do anal. She doesn't really like sex. That's not the girl we saw in that video. And it fucking hits you hard. Like I said, that's when you realize you paid full price for used goods. Here's the thing. Sometimes it's that. Sometimes it's because she's not attractive to you. She puts herself in positions where she goes and gets her tingles elsewhere. And then sometimes, you know, as a guy, you forgive her. I get it. You're not like that anymore. No, no, no. I don't just like you for your sex. Well, and then maybe you buy that little trickle truth she feeds. Well, we just hung out. We weren't friends. Oh, okay, okay. Well, we kind of kissed a little, but that was it. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Well, it was a little bit of oral, but we didn't really fuck or anything. All right, all right, all right. Yes, yes, but it was just sex. I used a condom. Oh, okay, good, good, good. Oh, it's definitely your baby. There we go. So slowly, but surely, what you thought you had here, you had this wonderful life where you worked hard and you got the prize. It all comes crashing down. Suddenly she becomes cold. She becomes distant. She starts having those girls nights out minus the other girls. Again, the light switch flicks. Oh, I've never really been attracted to them. Oh, I only did it because I didn't know what I wanted to. Well, I need to go find myself. Best case scenario, you're that life of quiet desperation, just like the Chad sitting there quietly with dry dick. Worst case scenario, she divorces you. She takes the kids, gets a nice little payout for her troubles, because you've always been a pussy. So both the guys, the fallen man and the backup plan, the Chad and the guy, the alpha fucks and the beta bucks, they're sitting there at the same situation. Dry dick, life of desperation, fucking frustrated, fucking angry. Do a couple internet searches later, type in your problems. You find an eerily similar thing. This guy has it too. This guy has it. All these guys have this exact same problem at me. I'm not fucking special. Then they end up in the married red pill. So the first thing you got to do, it's called a map, a mail action plan from author Athol K. He eventually kind of went weird and called it a mindful action plan because mail made it sound too, whatever. Fuck, mail action plan. You're building your ship. You're going to set yourself a goal. I don't care what your goal is. It doesn't really matter. Some guys up here saying you got to, you got to have kids. You got to step whatever. I don't really care. The thing is though, when was the last time you had a goal for you? It's fucking hard. A lot of people don't. They're directionless. They don't have a vision. I had it. I joined the military because I wanted a vision and I latched onto theirs. I'm sure you guys know this one, the happy wife, happy life. That's her vision. You got everybody else's visions. Right now, you're starting from scratch. You have no idea what to do. We have a nice short term placeholder vision. The idea is right now, you're a fuck. Fucking own it. Your goal over the next month per relationship year or however long it takes is to be a high value man. It's to be a high value man with options. It's to be a high value man with options that tomorrow is going to make these big decisions about what kind of boat are you building, who's going to be on board and what course you're taking with it. You can't make these big decisions. You're no position for it. So you're saving that for tomorrow you. Frame. Frame is the most important part. It's hard to discuss it in this short of timeline. The best way to think about it is it's the 30 second elevator pitch of your life. It's if you're telling a story, that's your story. Now you're always in a frame. If it's not yours, it's somebody else's. And we'll kind of have this peppered out throughout the speech so I can kind of explain it a bit better. So right now, your short term frame while you unfuck yourself and get your shit together, like I said, high value man options who's going to make those big decisions down the road. Anything outside that is amusing, intriguing or funny. Nothing else gets inside. All right so she, this, your relationship, that shit's over. I already told you relationships are women's work. You can put in all the work in the world. If she doesn't want in, you're not in one. It's Prifalt's law. I think you guys remember that one. So here's the thing too. Since you're not in a position to kick her to the curb or you're not in a position to keep her, take advantage of what you got here. What you have is a walking, talking, bitchy, cold shit test of a woman that you can use as a sparring partner throughout your map. Take advantage. You got her right there. So let's take stock. Right now you've got a map. You've got a map and you're working on your frame. So for the love of God, internalize this. Shut the fuck up. You've been validation seeking most likely for quite a while. You want her to validate your emotions. You want her to pat you on the tummy. Stop that shit. Don't tell her you're doing this. Don't tell her that you're working on being a better man. Don't say yourself improving. She doesn't give a shit. Chances are by this time, she doesn't believe you anyway. And why would she? Because when you're up to this point, you probably haven't been doing it. So just shut the fuck up. Your cell phone. Shut the fuck up on this too. Texting is for logistics from now on. No, I love views. No. Hey, what you doing? None of that bullshit. Logistics only. Besides texting is autistic as fuck. It's open for misinterpretation. It's open for Asperger's. No good comes of it. Only bad comes from it. I'm sure there's tons of guys, pickup artists, whoever that have really good text game. That's not you. Two rules to attraction. Be attractive. Don't be unattractive. Don't be unattractive. The second thing is dearing. It's an acronym for defend, excuse, explain, and rationalize. These are fear based responses that we do because we've let her be your judge for the longest time. Your validation seeking. Honey, I'm self improving. We're going to fix this marriage. It's going to be great. You want her to tell you that's good boy. Give you a pat on the tummy. Suck your dick a little bit. Now, dear is what happens when somebody shits on you because you've done something bad because you've made them the judge of your life. You are your judge. You are your captain. You own the decisions. You got the consequences anyway, so you might as well do it the way you want to do it. Dearing is a fear based response to hide that fact of you've done something bad. Besides, your woman's going to hate taking responsibility for your life anyways. Women absolutely hate it. They want a man who's in charge. All women want a man who's in charge. So there's no reason to ask for permission anyways. Oh, yeah. So I had a friend, a good friend. We sailed together a bunch. He was dating this fucking crazy chick from Quebec, which doesn't really narrow it down, but whatever. And it was the same thing every time. We'd want to go golfing. We want to have a couple drinks at the water wheel. We'd want to do something together as friends. We didn't have very much short time anyway. And without doubt, she would shit test them every time she'd play wounded. So we could white knight her. Oh, you mean to tell me you're going out with your friends to go golfing a steep? You know, I'm sick. You know, we don't have much time for them. And sure enough, he would deer every time he'd defend. Oh, what are you talking about? It's just golf. He'd make excuses. Oh, come on. It's just a couple of rounds. He'd explain it. We're just going there. It's not like we're going to go fuck some sluts or anything. He'd rationalize it. I tell you what, I'll give you a bunch of calls there and I'll bring back some tomato soup or whatever the fuck. And then sure enough, he wasn't going golfing. A good thing to get in the habit of is just own it. You decide what to do with your own time. So that starts up again. You mean to tell me you're going to go golfing with your friends to you like, yep, give her a kiss on the cheek pat on the ass on your way. If any of you guys follow me and I'll be surprised if you do, there's one thing I hate. It's a little sidebar here. I call them don't eat paint warnings. I fucking hate them. If you're the kind of guy who's going to go do this stuff and you haven't handled your shit at home, you're going to get shit and you probably deserve it. If you decide to go drinking with your buddies when your kids got a fever and somebody has to pick them up from school and you're the only one there, that's not owning your shit. At this point, stop your map right now. You need to learn some basic adulting skills. The rule of thumb I use here is what would you do if that girl in your house died tomorrow? We'll fucking do that. Like I said, your life is your ship and you maintain it and you're responsible for it. There's a reason that's work hard and then play hard. So just make sure you have your shit together. All right, let's take stock. Right now you have a map. You have a mission. You're working on your frame. You don't deer, you shut the fuck up. Now we're going to lift. Now I don't give a shit what your plan is, what your goal is in life or what you want to do. There is no male endeavor in this world that exists that isn't improved by you lifting weights, building a little lean body mass and losing fat. Period. The beauty of this thing is it's the greatest way to get a nice feedback loop going. Let's say you're the beta bucks, you're the guy, you're the backup plan. You probably haven't lifted a weight in your life. You're in a short side of 40. Anything you do is going to work for you. It is impossible to go down from zero. Maybe you're the Chad, maybe you're the jock, the fitness guy. That's fine too. You should already know how to work out. At this point it's just getting back into it. So we suggest guys get on a nice strength and powerlifting program to start here. The goal is not to be a big muscle bound Arnold Schwarzenegger with six pack abs. Right now we're building good habits, long-term thinking, we're getting your hormones in check. Nothing helps you build testosterone like lifting weights and nothing keeps you more calm than lifting weights. It's more than that though. It's also, it's your time. There isn't much else that you can do that's 100% yours. 100% yours. Nobody comes to bother you in the gym, nobody's calling you on your phone, and you have focus. You aren't sitting there worrying about the mortgage, the bills or anything. Right now the only thing you got concerned with is that piece of iron that's right above your head, and the only thing keeping you from a nice little skull fracture is your focus. So you stay focused on your task, and this is part of those parts that build frame. So like I said, two rules of attraction. Be attractive, don't be unattractive. Right now this is firmly in the being attractive category. It's fucking cold up here. Oh yeah, no excuses either. I don't give a shit. Oh, it's 50 bucks a month. I can't afford that. Bullshit. Skip one raptor's game a month. Stop drinking Budweiser with your friends two weekends out of the month. Where there's a will, there's a way. The obstacle is the path. There is no way you can't scrounge up $50. There's a reason I say lifting. I didn't say cycling. I didn't say running. I didn't say doing push-ups in your mom's basement. I said fucking lifting. There's one of the regulars at the Married Red Pill, S Curvemuch. He said something that kind of resonated with me, and I'll add it here. Did you know it's easier to eat than it is to not eat? It's fucked. It's resonated with me for like a good year now. This is the first time in human history that lifestyle choices are your natural predator. And it's not just food. It's not just eating like a pig. It's not just booze. It's porn. It's video games. Every single lifestyle luxury. It's basically hard to have hardship. And then finally, chances are, if you're in a hardship situation, you're going to have stress. Most guys have stress. It's a big thing. Nothing de-stresses you as much as the iron. I remember when I would deploy, we were off a Somalia there. We had one and two shifts they're called. You work from seven till noon, five till midnight, or the reverse if you're on the other watch. So that's 12 hours a day right there. Add on top of that, I had an hour, a shit-shave, shower, and eat. An hour again every now and then for firefighting exercises. Maybe we had a boarding. I had to get on the comms and sit there for four hours. I basically had four hours of sleep a day. I couldn't even take a piss unless I cut into my sleep time. But I always made time for the gym because if I didn't, I was a fucking nervous wreck. My shins hurt because I was doing wind sprints on the flight deck. Have you ever tried doing a squat on a platform that's moving up and down? It's fucking difficult. I was in pain and I hurt, but if I didn't go, I was fucking losing it. So let's take stock. Right now you have your map. Right now you shut the fuck up. You don't deer. You're lifting weights and you're starting to look good. This is the part where you start learning your time is valuable and you only give it to somebody when they give you value back. A little example here from you this might hit closer to home than others. Apologies. Not really. Your wife? You want to fuck your wife. I know. Fucking crazy right? She can make excuses up. Oh I have a headache. Oh the kids have to sleep in bed with us because they're gonna have anxiety or some bullshit excuse. There's a reason that they call them cock blockers by the way. Maybe you got one of those special ones that builds the pillow for it in between the two of you. Or she's one of those ones and yes it happens. Some girls have three periods a month. So you fall into that framework and you buy all these bullshit excuses. So here's what happens. During the afternoon you get off of work. You sit there quietly walking on eggshells trying not to piss her off because you'll lose it. Then you go to bed when she says she want to go to bed. You guys watch your half hour of TV and then you make some half-hearted attempt to fuck her. She throws out one of these excuses and the only limit to these excuses is the creativity of the human mind. Then you sit there and you try to pretend like you're not sulking and butt mad over it because you don't want her to think you're mad or you're pissed. Maybe she throws out some lame excuses like, oh we can cuddle that's the same thing right? You pretend to cuddle whatever fuck. So then you wait for her to go to sleep or you wait for her to pretend to go to sleep. You sneak off to the bathroom, go rub one out quietly so you don't wake her. Fucking embarrassing. So here's what you do instead. This is a practical strategy. You're already going to the gym. You go to the gym seven o'clock every day. Start the day off fresh. Everything's nice and happy, do a little bit of light flirting, hugs, kisses, whatever. Come 6.59 try to fuck your wife. She shoots you down. When she shoots you down, pick up your bag, big smile on your face, take off, go into the gym. You might get a little flack. Are you mad? Little shit tests. Oh, you're not butt mad are you? Just flip it around. Why would I be mad? And you're not lying, you're right. Like I said, your map is you're going to be a high value man who owns his own ship, runs his own life. And right now in that 60-minute window, the best thing you can do to achieve that is go into the gym. The second best thing? A quickie. So she gets first crack at it. She doesn't get to monopolize your time and then you start getting in the habit of there. So a lot of guys kind of argue about this when you talk about removing your time and attention based on your on the value that you receive. They bring up kind of excuses too. And like I keep saying on this one, it's all about how you look to her. Oh, I don't want her to think I'm mad. I don't want her to think I'm pissy or sour. Pro tip for you? She already thinks you're a fuck. Own it. Besides, she probably did you a favor. A little bit of frustration is the greatest thing on earth to go to the gym with. You'll make your one rep maxes on that. Just a little bit angry. Perfect. So I remember it was nearing the end of this map for me. We lived in Montreal at the time. And this is what I was doing. Start the day off nice, flirty, doing whatever. I can't remember the exact wording but it was something to the effect of there was this bar, this lounge we really wanted to go to, Le Locale. Really fucking swank. I'm like, I want to go to this place. You're welcome to come along. Now in my pickup days that was like the cocky funny thing. But you think I'd ask her to strangle a fucking dog. Are you fucking kidding me? Do you mean that I'm just a placeholder that I can come if I want to? I want you to want me. You get the idea. I'm sure you can picture the nagging in your head. Fuck it. Put on my shoes, put on my jacket. Big smile. I'm going out. I'll see you later. You know where I'll be. Left the phone at home. She probably did still complain just like that example of the crazy French chick I was talking about earlier. I wasn't there to hear it. And I had a great time. I haven't surged in forever. Made a bunch of new friends. Learned a lot about whiskey that night. Had a blast. Got home. I wasn't ready to go to sleep yet. So I go put my swim trunks on. I head upstairs to my rooftop. Hang out in the hot tub. Turns out there was five young French chicks there. And they thought my shitty Anglo accent was fucking hilarious. So I'm sitting up there. I'm trying to practice my French having a good time. At one point she comes upstairs to give me a blast of shit for not not daring, not falling into her frame. And it was the weirdest thing. You saw this snap right away. So as a man to get people to value your time and attention, you really only have three tools. You have your affection, you have your attention, and you have your comfort. And none of these tools matter for fuck unless you have value. So in this case she walked up and that frame instantly changed. She instantly came into mine. I was a high value man. I had options. And right now my time, my attention, and my commitment were on auction to the highest bidder. So she had two choices to make. I can either step up my girl game and work to keep this guy or I can let him go. I'll talk about it after we don't have time for it now. It ends up into a main event. It's kind of fun. They call it the mother of all comfort tests. Anyways, but you can only go so far in a swimsuit. So at this point you got to start dressing like you give a fuck. Let's take stock again. So you got your map. You got your direction. You're shutting the fuck up. You're not daring. You're lifting weights and you're looking good. You value your time, and you only give it to somebody when they're giving value to you. Tanner's going to have a speech on this. He's going to handle it much better. I could run off about it for hours. So I'll just leave you with a couple tidbits here that help. If you guys remember, Joe Navarro had the talk yesterday where he was talking about what you signal with your clothing. He had the big list there. I won't go over it. Your status. Are you a details man? All that shit. Now a lot of guys will complain about this one too. Oh I don't play that game. I don't like those kind of people who signal what you do. It's just you aren't your brand, whatever. Guess what? You're still communicating even if you're not trying to. You can't help it. So you might as well shape it to say what you want to say. The Navy was big for this. Boots have to be highly shone. The welts have to be blackened. Haircut has to be six centimeters the length. Four centimeters of girth. I don't know how to do Imperial. You guys can Google that if you want to. No inappropriate hairstyles, hair colors, conservative, pressed jeans, or pressed pants, pressed shirt. The whole idea here is it sends a message. A uniform professional fighting force. So you got to think to yourself what do you want to communicate with. Strongly suggest you listen to Tanner. I think he's on later today. The four tips that I got now fit always Trump's price. $100 suit expertly fitted is always going to look better than a $1,200 off the rack suit you're drowning in. Taylor's worth is weight and gold. Having said that, the best Taylor is the iron. I had a fourth one. Oh yeah. The big stuff is easy. It's the details that make a difference. And that's good. Being a detail man is always a good thing. Another thing to keep in mind when you're walking up to somebody for the first time, before you open your mouth, before you say a word, before you shake hands, before you do so much as breathe, you've already communicated them a stronger message, a first impression that you can't take back. Don't sabotage yourself. Dress like you give a shit. Let's take stock again. You got your map, you got your mission. You shut the fuck up, you're not daring. You lift weights and you're looking good. You value your time and you only give it to somebody who's valuable to you. You dress like you give a fuck and you look like a million bucks. Now we're going to learn game. If you did any pick up back in the day, this should be fairly easy. For some of you guys, you're starting from scratch. The Chad, the guy, doesn't really matter. Right now, you're learning how to be social. You're learning how to look people in the eye when you talk to them. Just like McQueen was talking about yesterday, that body language, open body language, or like Joe was saying, do the high status things in the pocket. The upward thing. Yeah. Roush has a great book called Day Bang and there's a concept in it I absolutely love. He calls it Old Man Conversation and you can read through this. If you can too, take an improv class. It's great for this. It teaches you about open communication styles. The idea is you don't give closed questions that are yes, no. You learn to take a conversation, lead it here, there and everywhere. You kind of agree with somebody, you amplify your conversation isn't a matter of exchanging information. That's how guys talk. That's fine. You're talking with women. The more words you use, the more comfort you build. That's why they can talk about random subjects, bounce back and forth. Doesn't really matter. I'll give you two quick examples. Picture this guy walks up to a girl. Nice shirt. Thanks. What are you reading? A book. Fucking brutal. Another example then for me. Do you guys remember when Starbucks had those pink unicorn diabetes frappuccinos? Yeah, yeah. So I'm sitting out at Starbucks by my work, just bored as fuck. And I remember there was this girl there, a cute little paralegal. Her resting bitch face was off the charts. Totally unapproachable, fucking fingering through her phone. And I think Hunter and I were talking about this earlier. People are so addicted to their phone and they're so craving of like genuine human contact. Just by opening somebody, you're probably making their day. So sure enough I walked up. I hear those things are like diabetes in a cup. How the hell do you handle that? And it's like she lit right up. I just made her day. And all I'm doing is being social. I don't give a fuck about the cup. I don't give a shit about the drink. I've never had one. I've never even had a pumpkin spice latte. Doesn't really matter. Oh well actually it's not so bad. I just like them now because it's a limited time offer thing and I want to try it out. Oh that's cool. So after that you're switching back to the PSL's. The conversation branches. I don't even know what the fuck it was about. It's kind of the point here. Just building a rapport. End of the day. Alright thanks. Take care. Maybe you're that guy who's got social anxiety and you can't do it. Like McQueen was saying yesterday. Alright just walk up to 100 people ask the time. Now if you remember at the beginning of this speech I told you you have a walking talking cold bitchy shit test at home. Perfect time to use it. Practice your game. The lifting strategy. Set your gym bag by the door. Wake up in the morning. Start every morning fresh. Start gaming your wife. Start making these conversations. Do the old man conversation. Do a little quinoa. Do a little seduction. End of the day. 659 you make your move. If she shoots you down grab your bag. I'll catch you later. Maybe you're picking up more hobbies. Maybe you joined a jujitsu gym. Maybe you decide to pick up the guitar and start a band. Maybe you're underwater basket weaving. Doesn't really matter. It's your ship. You're filling it with the things that make value for you. So if you remember like I keep saying the rules of attraction. Be attractive. Don't be unattractive. Right now you're kind of working on both right now. And so you're getting progress. And a funny thing starts to happen at this point. We told you before shut the fuck up. You can't brag about your value. There's a reason New Year's resolutions don't work. It's because you telling somebody that you're going to do something gives you that same dopamine rush as actually doing it. So when you shut the fuck up, you don't step on your own dick here. But here's what happens. You start being this social fun guy, dressed as well, looks good. All of a sudden this value is something you can't hide anymore. And if you remember from the hot tub example, and if you've learned anything in game, you know that pre-selection is probably one of the best attraction triggers out there. So all of a sudden you start to have value. Women are like children that way. They don't want to play with that box of toys over there. They want to play with that toy that that girl's playing with. All right. So let's take stock again. You got your map. You got your mission. Your lifting weights, you're looking good. You shut the fuck up. You don't deer. You dress like a million bucks. And you got game. You've been gaming your wife. If she turns you down, maybe you're gaming other women. At this point, you're that high value man we talked about at the beginning. Like I said, this usually takes about a month for every year. You've been a fucking your relationship sometimes longer. So you're at this point where you got to start making a choice. At this point, I assume you have your own map, your own mission, your own thing you want to accomplish, your own ship, and your own course. So you give what they call the fuck me or fuck you speech. It's not a threat. It's not an ultimatum. It's just stating in plain direct language. Hun, you do know happy couples and healthy marriages have sex, right? Hun, you do know that happy healthy relationships involve people who can stand to be around each other and aren't constantly nagging, right? Whatever the fuck it is that you're missing, it's a matter of fact statement. Healthy relationships aren't with people that do this. And you leave it there. You don't nag on it. You don't harp on it, mention it and drop it. You still keep with the game plan. You still keep packing that gym bag. You still keep flirting. You keep doing the keynote. Keep building value. You keep being social. You flirt with your wife. If she shoots you down, you go to Starbucks, you practice, catch and release. It doesn't matter. But at this point, maybe she's just a cunt. Maybe she doesn't want a high value man. There's one of my favorite regulars on this is a user. He goes by the name of xaddicbro. His map was pretty fucking harsh. So he got his shit together and then he found out at the end. His wife doesn't want that. She wanted the meat codependent. She wanted the guy that make her feel good about herself. She wanted the guy that could reflect her laziness. So at that point, I've already said your relationship is over. I've already said you're the high value guy who has options now and you can replace her. So this is where you start doing your ground, your paperwork. You start talking to legal. Get some lawyerly advice. We got a bunch of resources on how to find a good lawyer and what you're looking for. Maybe some strategies on how to ensure you have good custody of your kids. I won't go into a lot of it here. The idea is you're doing your due diligence. You're getting to the point that you can walk up and give the fuck me or fuck you speech. You're at the point where you have your stack of divorce papers in hand and you drop them on the desk. Fuck me or fuck you. Sign this, paperwork there, dick there. And at that point, it doesn't really matter. The stay plan is the same as the go plan. If you've done this properly and if you haven't bullshitted yourself, you can easily replace her if you wanted to. You know all your ins and outs. You've seen the worst case scenario and you can live with that. You can always make more money. Fuck worst case scenario, you can always make another family. I know everybody here has at least one example of some guy who divorced a girl and end up having another family over in Chicago where, I don't know wherever they do that now, I don't know. The second, and this is the only other don't eat paid warning I'm going to add here, a lot of guys are larping this. They're faking it. They're doing it because they want to win her back. Like I said, relationships are a woman's job. They're not yours. There's nothing you can do that convinces her to be in a relationship. She has to want it. And the only way that happens is if you're a high value man. And a lot of guys have this moment where they realize they've wasted their last year. They wasted it because they realized they were doing it all for her. And she fucking hates that. And this is validation seeking and there's no good that comes of it. So if you're at that point, start from scratch again. Or better yet, just cut your losses. You kind of fucked it up twice now. I got nothing for you. There's another concept too though. It gets to the point where you start having value and she does get on board and you kind of resent her for it. Because now she's a reflection of how shitty you used to be. They call it the thousand foot toe rope. So because you've shut up for the last year and just done your thing and built your value, she has to have time to catch up. Most girls are smart. Nobody jumps off a moving train. And they kind of step up their girl game. If that's good enough for you, that's fine. If not, that's fine too. All right. So this last part and I'm adding it very briefly with a bit of a caveat. Because as soon as I mentioned it, everybody fucking latches on to it. Some guys, they do the legal thing where they find out and maybe their options suck. Maybe they have a hundred percent chance of losing custody. Maybe they've done something stupid enough that in the courts, you're going to have to pay a massive Alamone statement to the point where you're living in a car at the back of a Denny's stealing their Wi-Fi. Don't worry Christian, I love you man. Little dig. You've decided for whatever reason that your map doesn't involve going that route and you decide to just go get your needs met elsewhere. Like I said, it's your ship. You already know the consequences to your actions. You live it how you want to. So if you want to go get some strange, it's a little bit outside of my wheelhouse. I don't have the most experience with this, but a couple tips. Be discreet and give her plausible deniability. A lot of times if she really doesn't want to fuck you, but she still likes your paycheck and you're staying together to the kids turn 18 and it's only two more years where you get to be that jaded cop waiting for the pension. All she needs to do is not be embarrassed by her friends and go do your own thing. So to sum up, my understanding of the red pill is it's just guys swapping notes. There's a lot of theory, there's a lot of underlying principles at work here, but at the end of the day you're guys swapping notes with other guys and you're building a plan and you're actually doing shit. I want to thank everybody now for your time. We got a good eight minutes left. If you guys have any questions. Oh yes, I'm supposed to wait for the microphone. You're talking about the beta guys paying full price for youth's good. So my question is why would a woman would not want to behave sexually with her husband? Because I mean she wants to fuck right? She still have the need to fuck. I'll put it this way. Who fucking cares? No, I'm serious. This is the one thing it kind of grinds my gears the most about this. Everybody's always searching for why. Why is a stupid fucking question? What you have right in front of you is she doesn't want to fuck you. It doesn't matter why. But you know how to get her to fuck you. Be a high value man. Be in shape. Have frame. Have a mission. You got all the tools there. You can sit there with dry dick all fucking day if you want to and think about why she's doing this or you can get to work and solve it. Or it's something about attraction triggers alpha, beta. Rolo explains that way better than me. So that answer your question. All right, next anybody. I know. They never exactly there's never quite in the way you want but it's the way that works. That's the other thing. Oh, branch off on that. Save me a little digression. I got seven minutes. Rolo, I remember you show me that article. I can't remember who it was from some UK study or something like that. We're not actually designed for truth. We're kind of designed for utility. The, my favorite part of the red pill is not so much that it's the truth. It's that it's useful. If I can get up here tonight and tell you guys the moon is made of cheese and you go hit the gym 20 hours a day, turn into a Greek God, the moon's made of cheese. It's just that simple. You can search for the truth if you want to and that's your thing. I put at this point at the end of the day you have to do what's useful. If it doesn't work then you're wasting your time and if anything that's what you are pre unplugged. You're buying into what you want to be as opposed to what actually is. All right. Oh shit. Okay. In your time being the admin for the married man subred what would you say is the single most common problem that guys come to that subred with and how do you go about addressing that? This is easy. It's the most common problem. Self sabotage and your fucking ego every time every guy will come in there and roll over mentioned it yesterday how you double down on those behaviors that you're good at not the ones that are actually effective. Oh, I don't need to be muscular. I don't need to work out. I'm a good provider. I'm a good father. I earned good money. Nobody gives a shit. And they come in there with that attitude and they got to shed it and it's really hard because your ego invested in it because the alternative is you have to admit for the last 10, 20 years however long you've been building up this great beta male narrative of yours that you've basically been fucking up. It's not lost time there's still value there but a lot of guys can't get past that. And as far as the way around it I have to say my Navy training has been the best at it. You break them down you got to test them like Ian Ironwood he has a great article on the male social matrix you kind of test a man for fitness you prod at him you see if you can get him to lash out have a bit of ego then once he's past that you can kind of have that bit of self-humility and you can start getting to work. Yes. So for guys who oftentimes you hear they lack a purpose or lack a vision would you recommend military? The answer is yes no and maybe. If I was talking to myself when I joined I would probably say yes but it's a stop gap. I know reading a lot of that stuff from Mathis lately your guys is new secretary of defense he mentioned it as a great way to climb the socioeconomic ladder. It's got some good points you meet with other men you have a masculine purpose I don't know if it's the case now I've really been following the American Navy the Canadian one's kind of yeah. But we do have the beer machine still on board I think I think. I don't know they canceled that too oh yeah fuck it don't join but no it's good you kind of learn and you work really hard and you play hard nothing helps you value your time and your presence more than being out of the country 180 days a year. So yeah I would say yes but don't buy too much in a cleaner country and you'll kind of it's one of those lessons you kind of have to learn the hard way. But at the same time if you don't want to too there's tons of other ways to do it I wouldn't feel comfortable giving a guy a map and giving him a direction so I guess the best answer is if you say so sure all right oh please do right it's a passage you hunt a deer with a knife eat its heart and then you gain its strength the strength of deer oh wait no don't get the strength of deer we should have picked a moose fuck yeah that's the thing it used to be the case where we always had a mission work for the king work for your boss that's the problem is uh oh and I'm not gonna be able to quote it right one of the guys on red pill he had this great little summary of it as a man oh okay his question was if you don't want to join the military what can you do as to get a vision or to get a right of passage for a vision my answer to that is I don't think there is one a lot of guys say differently but that's not I'm not the authority to tell you one way or the other I find just I find it to be kind of illusion it's a nice little framework that we have a nice little narrative that I did this and then I become a man at the end of the day you're a man when you say you're a man you're a man when you do the things that you want to do as a man you're a man when you handle your shit and you're a man when you have your own mission how you get there I wish I had an answer for you I don't but it's one of those things it's like porn I can't describe it but I'll know it when I see it I know it's not the answer you want but it's the answer I got I can see that look of dejection right in your face ah fuck all right when trying to do some research on things like the red pill married red pill going to a sub reddit form how does a person filter out the bullshit from actually interesting and pertinent information I'd say the sidebar the sidebar is the one good place the whole the comment section and that stuff it's kind of a lab guys pinging ideas there's a lot of shit a lot of shit the sidebar is a good one there's a lot of really good authors out there we suggest you start off reading rollo all of his books one two actually I don't think we've added number three yet so we'll get to that we're a little lazy there Athol K back before he kind of went off the rock went off his rocker Manuel Smith there's a lot of James Franco practical female psychology there's a lot of stuff out there and I say if you get to the sidebar it at least gives you it's the stuff that's kind of been curated over the year so at least gives you enough of a foundation so you can see what bullshit is versus not bullshit and we have a nice little thing we call it an own your shit weekly thread where guys actually lay out their maps and then they swap notes with each other because a lot of times you're not seeing the blind spots and so other guys who have had these same experiences can say hey I know you were saying you wanted to do strong list five by five maybe try an eight by three schedule or maybe when you're talking to your wife like there that looks like you're deering and you didn't know you were doing it so it's a good way you get like immediate feedback from other guys who have had the same experience and I found those are my two best ways to filter out the wheat from the shaft that help all right I think I'm done now I want to thank everybody for your time thank you Ryan