 Hello and welcome. I am Matthew Coast and today I'm going to be talking about the real secret in keeping a man interested in you. And so there's a lot of a lot of women that come to us a lot of it's actually in the men's dating space as well where a lot of people kind of focus on this whole idea of attracting somebody or getting somebody and they don't focus nearly as much on what it takes to keep somebody and it's really kind of interesting to me because you know what it takes to kind of keep somebody a lot of times is what it takes to attract somebody but long-term and so a lot of people kind of focus on these really short-term attraction strategies, right? They do things like you know trying to figure out what words to say to him which sometimes can be a really good thing to learn about in just communicating with men and talking with men, but a lot of times it's it's kind of this trickery thing. A lot of people are trying to find a way a lot of women are trying to come to us trying to find a way to trick a man into wanting to be with her and the problem with that is that there's no long-term security in the idea of tricking a man to be attracted to you or tricking a man to be with you or tricking a man until you get him because then you have this long relationship that comes right after that where you have to continue to do these trickery things or it won't end up working out and you'll end up seeing through it. So if you're here and you're interested, if you're concerned with maybe you're afraid that your relationship might fall apart or maybe you get into a place sometimes or a lot where you're feeling really jealous or you know, maybe you're just you know, you're just here and you want to have a relationship that lasts. This is the live stream for you right now. So I'm gonna say hi to everybody Hey, hey, hey, if you're here at our live stream right now, I love it when you say hi, so please say hi and there's Helena. Helena's on here too. That's cool. Thanks, thank you. No tricks, just be yourself. So I want to talk actually a minute about that just be yourself thing because it's a really great idea. Like it feels really good when you think about the idea of hey, let's just be yourself, right? Like I want to be myself. I want somebody to love me for who I am. The problem is is that a lot of people have kind of taken this idea of just being yourself to kind of an extreme, right? Where they've it's actually become a really controversial idea in our industry to you know, develop and grow yourself versus this idea of just being yourself and so a lot of women kind of take this idea of just be yourself and they use it to excuse themselves of bad behavior that they might have, right? So they might be abusive to a guy and they're like, oh, well, I'm just being myself if he doesn't like me for myself, you know, screw him. And I think it's a really destructive way to look at this idea of just being yourself. Obviously, you want a guy to love you for who you are, you know? And I think it's the things that a lot of the things that do make up who you are are the things that men fall in love with you for, right? You'll find the flaws and the the vulnerabilities that you have attractive if you, you know, connect with him in the right way first. And so, so, yeah. So I just wanted to throw that out there about the whole just be yourself thing. You know, try to avoid excusing bad behavior of yourself because we all have different parts of ourselves, right? So sometimes I'm angry. Sometimes I'm a very grumpy person. You can ask Colleen about that. Sometimes I'm really, really happy. Sometimes I'm excited. Sometimes I'm really passionate. And if you've been following us for a while now and you've been on some of these live streams, you've probably seen me do some of that passionate stuff on here. And, you know, there's there's times when I'm just, you know, I'm just angry or, you know, like sometimes I get hangry, right? Does anybody else? Does anybody else in here get hangry, right? You know, and it's one of those things. It's like, who am I, right? What does it mean when I go on a date and I'm just being myself? Or what does it mean when I'm in a relationship and I go through a period or you go through a period where maybe you're depressed, maybe you're, you know, just, you know, because we all go through different phases, right? So sometimes we're angry. Sometimes we're high on life. Sometimes, you know, everything feels like it's falling around, falling apart around us. And so this whole idea of just be yourself, it sounds really great. But the idea is a lot more complicated than that, right? There's a lot more to it than that. And my suggestion would be to not use the idea of just being yourself to excuse yourself from the idea of growing into being a better and stronger person, from learning how to communicate better with other people, including men, you know, using it as an excuse not to create a better relationship, because, you know, if you're here, you probably want to create a better relationship. And so I'm going to get off that soapbox right now. But just be careful with the just be yourself thing, because it can be really it can create an environment for you that kind of hurts your ability to really attract and keep the guy that you want to have in your life. And so hi, hi, hi, hi. Hi, Adela. Hi, on name. Jafar. Hi, Gabriella. Hi, Mara. Hi, Tamika. So, hey, say hi if you're here. I love it when you when you say hi. So thank you so much. Yeah. So, so, Gibbemi says, be the best version of yourself is what they mean by being yourself. And sometimes that's true. Sometimes it's not, you know, I've been in this space for a long enough that most of the people that come and say, just be yourself on our channel or in our community, what they aren't saying, be your best self. They aren't saying that at all. What they're saying is I don't want to have to do anything differently than what I'm currently doing, because doing anything differently means that I'm not being myself, which I disagree with completely. You know, it's like if you go to a gym and you learn how to work out, does that mean that you're not just being your, you know, does that mean you're not being yourself because you're learning how to do something differently than what you would normally do if you just showed up in the gym, started pushing things around or whatever. And so, yeah, I think it's I think there's I think there's really good meaning to the idea of just be yourself. But I think that the way a lot of people use it is very destructive. And I think that what they say isn't actually what they what you're saying right there, which is being your best self. But, you know, being your best self is is the ideal. Let's so anyway, OK, let's move on here. So let's talk about the secret in keeping a man interested. So what doesn't work? You know, what doesn't work? One is, you know, going back to this idea of excusing bad behavior by saying, just be yourself. That doesn't work. We've already talked about that. Another thing that doesn't work is shaming men. And we get this all the time. We actually had it on our channel yesterday. You know, a woman was talking about how men are into, you know, they like younger women, so they must be pedophiles. You know, all men are pedophiles because they like younger women. It's just it's ridiculous. That's like shaming women for being emotional or liking older men or whatever. You know, anything that makes a woman a woman. Any time you're shaming somebody, that doesn't work for anything long term. Right. It makes that person feel bad. It might make that person feel resentful towards you. You know, if you start shaming a man for his desires or the way he feels about you or your relationship together or how he acts, it's not going to help you keep him. And so again here, I don't want to make you think that I'm saying that you should ignore abusive behavior or anything like that. I would never say that. I don't think you should excuse bad behavior for men either. Right. That's not what I'm saying. I always have to put that disclaimer in there because a lot of a lot of people get confused by that. Another thing that doesn't work is trying to convince him that you're perfect for each other. A lot of women will do this by maybe buying him things or changing the way that they are around him to try to make him feel like you're perfect for him. And that actually doesn't work at all because guys see that. Guys see it all the time and they think to themselves, why is she totally changing everything around to try to fit this image of what, you know, what I want or what I, you know, I said that I want or what she thinks that I want. And that can be really, really destructive, too, because it will talk a little bit more later about what it creates in a relationship, but it creates something that's not not very good for you. Right. It, it, it pulls the power away from you. It makes you actually far less attractive to him because it's doing exactly what we're from the worst, the first one where we were talking about just being yourself, right? It's, it's doing the exact opposite. Right. It's turning you into what I call a pretender where you are pretending like you're this other person and everybody, nobody can really connect with you, the man in your life can't really connect with you because he's like, who is she even? You know, she doesn't seem to have any kind of identity. She doesn't seem to have any kind of like normalcy to her behavior. She just seems to kind of adapt and try to pretend like she's this person that she's not to try to get me. And then so another one, another thing that doesn't work is treating men like a fixer-upper, right? So if you get into a relationship with a player, for instance, who's just trying to go out and play the field all the time and trying to turn him into this, you know, like loyal man for you, right? That doesn't work or trying to stop a man from being abusive, right? Emotionally or physically abusive, that doesn't work. Trying to fix his behavior in any way with any kind of technique doesn't work, right? And we'll talk about what does work here in a little bit. But trying to change him, focusing on him, putting all your focus on him and trying to fix him or change him or turn him into something else, that does not work. It doesn't work long term, at least. And if you do try to do that, what it does end up doing is making him feel like you're not really with him, like you're working against him, like you don't really accept him for who he is and like you don't really love him for who he is. And then the last one, the last thing that doesn't work is falling in love with a man's potential. So if you fall in love with a man's potential and you see him and we get this all the time, we get women, they're like, well, he said that he was going to make a million dollars and he was going to be this rich business person and he was going to do all these things. And now it's three years later and he's still doing the same thing that he always does. And you're like, yeah, I could have told you about that. You know, that's what happens, right? You have to fall in love with a man for who he is right now and not fall in love with his potential, because if you fall in love with his potential, you're going to there's a high probability chance that you're going to get into some kind of abusive relationship. There's kind of been a lot of talk in our industry lately about this thing called a narcissist, right? And so there's a lot of different there's actually two different meanings for narcissists, right? There's the narcissist that is like an actual clinical definition of a narcissist, which is NPD, which is not what most of these people are talking about. That's not what most people are talking about is this narcissist where this person really doesn't feel good about himself, but talks highly about himself and just is constantly thinking that he's the best person in the world and kind of treats everybody else like garbage. That's what most people are talking about when they talk about narcissists. And so, yeah, focus. Yeah, turn your focus. So Diana says it said it right right there. Turn your focus on you, right? So focus. Yes, Steve, focus. I never shame a guy for his behavior because I wouldn't want to be shamed for so. That's a good that's a good motto. It's a golden rule right there. Do unto others, right? So so how do I get flowers again like I like you did when we first met? Oh, he does want to lose me or want me to lose weight. But OK, OK, so let's talk about what does actually work when you're trying to attract and keep a guy. And so before we talk about this real quick, I just wanted to mention our membership thing again, where we're up to 15 members right now on our channel. So thank you, everybody that's joined our channel. And and has a has become a member of ours. So thank you very much below this video. There should be a link that allows you to join. If not, there's one on our homepage from now on. We're not going to do any question and answer on live stream unless you're a member. So our members have exclusive access to our question and answer on our live streams. So if you have a question and you wanted to answer, the best way to do that is to become a member. It's five dollars a month. You know, you don't have you get lots of cool like things depending on how long you've been a member with us. So just throwing that out there and we've we've hit 15. So we're going to be doing the second part of our Helena and I are going to do the second part of the live stream that we created before. And so we're going to which is going to be a great one. It's about communication secrets or something like can't even remember what it is. What is it? Helena, she's not here to answer. OK, so we're doing a live stream by yourself after you've done live streams with other people all the time and all of a sudden you're like, yeah, I want to ping off of them and talk to them about something in there. And Helena, she's just not here. She's just not here for me to ping off of. So we won't do that. So let's talk about what does work in a relationship in terms of keeping a guy. So one of the things that does work is only allowing men into your life who's going to treat you well. And this is really a thing about value and seeing your own value and looking deep inside and saying I'm somebody who is worth having a man in my life who treats me well and not accepting men that don't treat you well, not settling for men who don't treat you well because those are the only men who are around you at the moment, but saying, yes, I really deserve having a great man in my life, right, which actually goes back to this whole thing where we're just talking about just being yourself and instead like developing yourself and looking inside and figuring out one of the things that we do a lot of in our coaching practices is look at what's going on inside of you and healing all the pain because what ends up happening when I was a kid and I learned how to drive, I learned how to drive on a truck and I drove that truck around. I promise this is relevant to what we're talking about. And I drove that truck around for a long time and then ended up getting another truck and then eventually when I became 18, I joined the military and I went to Iraq and I was driving this up armored Humvee everywhere. I was actually one of the drivers for my platoon and I drove this up armored Humvee all over the place. And then when I got home, I bought an expedition, which is a big Ford kind of SUV and I drove that around all over the place. And then when I was I think I was like 26 or something, I bought this little Honda Civic, it was like an old super old hatchback Honda Civic, like one of the old ones. And all of a sudden I was like running into curbs and like because with the other the trucks that I had, it was like I could just drive over curbs, you know, I could like run into something and it wouldn't even hurt my my truck. And all of a sudden I've got this car and I'm like bottoming it out on top of curbs. I'm like, oh, I'll just go over that. You know, and it's just like, oh my God, I just do. And so I had to like relearn the way that I drove so that I could drive with the new vehicle that I had. And it's the same way in our lives in terms of relationships, right? Some of us, you know, we have we go through these experiences where maybe you were experienced abandonment as a child. I experienced that, right? Or maybe you experienced something else where it was really painful for you or not even as a child, but in your, you know, relationships when you're older, but, you know, not as quite as old as you are right now, you know, we've all gone through a heartbreak. Almost everybody I've ever talked to in my entire life has gone through a heartbreak and a lot of times we'll take that heartbreak and we'll make some kind of meaning out of it, like, you know, men are bad or, you know, I'm all alone or, you know, a man will never love me for who I am or I'm not really worth having a great guy to come into my life. And so we come up with these different meanings or interpretations of the events that happen in our lives. And then we take that on and sometimes it serves us, you know, sometimes it really serves us to, especially like when you're a child and you experience abandonment and you feel and you have this kind of meaning that comes to you where like I had where you start thinking, oh, I'm all alone in the world, you know, I have to make it on my own. I have to figure this out. It really served me for a long, long time. But then you end up getting into a relationship in, you know, your 20s or 30s or whatever and you get into this relationship and you still have that way of being that you bring into the relationship where you're like, you know, I have to survive on my own, you know, I'm all on my own or, you know, I'm not worthy of having a great relationship or, you know, I have to be able to prove who I am or, you know, nobody's going to love me for who I am. And you bring that to a relationship and it's painful. It's painful to you. It's painful to your partner. It's painful to everybody and it can destroy the relationship that you're in. And so this whole idea of allowing a man into your, only allowing a man into your life who's going to treat you well. A lot of times has to do with healing your past, right? Going back and looking at it and getting into that experience and letting go of it and coming back and saying, you know what, I want something better for myself. I want something better for my life. You know, I'm going to I'm going to go ahead and heal that. I'm going to reframe whatever beliefs that I had about myself and and create an experience for myself where I feel worthy, where I feel like, you know, I can find a person in my life that will love me, that I can create a relationship that's going to last, that's going to be amazing, that, you know, is filled with love and passion and excitement. And, you know, all those really awesome things that that you get out of a relationship. So what do you guys think about that? We have to realize who we see is what he is. We tend to be dreaming. Yeah, that's right. That's going back to the the one where you're not falling in love with his potential. So what else do we got here? You attract what you're feeling and focus on, right? Yeah, you know, you can you attract a lot of different things, right? What ends up happening in Helena is actually better at the manifestation part of all this stuff. But, you know, you you attract a lot of different things. What I've found that a lot of women have, the problem that they have isn't that they're attracting the wrong men. A lot of times it's that they're attracted to the wrong men, right? So they're noticing the wrong men. The other men are still there. They're still around. You know, maybe they approach them sometimes or talk to them or maybe they're interested in a lot of times, you know, those good men, you don't even see them or you don't realize they're there or, you know, you ignore them or whatever. And so a lot of times women have that problem. And what you need to do is when you come from a different space, you start experiencing different things. And it can make you more attractive to different types of guys, depending on who you're being, right? So if you come from a space of being or feeling like you're not worthy, you're not good enough or you're insecure or you're desperate and you're like, oh, God, I got to make this happen. Right? It can create an experience in men where you're, you know, good men where they're like, oh, I don't want to deal with that. You know, I mean, that's, you know, like I want something that's a little bit more on my level. And so a lot of times, yeah, you're right, you won't attract those guys. But sometimes you do attract good guys because it's something that doesn't kind of impact a good man like that. They just really, you know, everybody's got issues, right? We all have, we all have issues. If if if you knew me in person, you'd know that I've got issues, right? I like a bit of a hermit and I'm awkward, really awkward around things. Sometimes I say weird stuff around people and people are like, what was that? You know, but it's it's fine, you know, because we all have issues. We all have things, little quirks and weird things about us. And anybody that says that they don't, those are usually the people that have the biggest weird things going on that they're hiding and shoving deep down. So we're all, you know, we all have issues and that's OK. And, you know, just making sometimes it's just becoming aware, right? So I used to have this this wing woman when I was a men's dating coach, I had a wing woman that came out with me and we would go out with these guys and I would teach them about interacting with women and she, her name was Emily, her name is Emily, and she would go out with us and she would help men get into conversations with women and it was funny because she used to always complain like, oh, my God, you know, men are attracted to me. Men never flirt with me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'd hear it all the time from her. And I was like, you know, she was she was a good looking girl. You know, she took care of herself in a lot of ways and she was very attractive. And so I was like, there's no way that she's not being hit on by men. There's just no way. And so I decided to test this out. I was like, OK, does she really not get hit on by men? You know, like, let's see what happens. And so I live in Denver, Denver, Colorado. And so I took her to this club downtown in Larimer Square that was a really hopping club at the time. I think it's closed now, but it was really, really like a popular club at the time. And it had this like a row that went from one side of the club all the way to the other side of the club. And so I walked in front of her. And when I was walking in front of her, I kind of walked like a couple of feet in front of her. And I was like, OK, we're going to the other side of the club. And so we walked. And so it was it was kind of like this aisle of, you know, I knew that you're going to get hit on in this aisle. And sure enough, you know, all these guys were like dancing up on her and being like, hey, girl, what's going on? You know, and you know, cheesy things that guys do when they're hitting on women. Like, hey, what's up? You know, and all the way through the club, right? And she's like, get away from me. You suck. Ah, you know, like, get off of me. You know, you're ugly. It was just like she was totally rejecting, like in a really bad way. Like every single dude that was like hitting on her, you know, these guys were like dancing on her and she's like, get away from me. You know, we get to the other side of the club. And I turned around and I looked at her and I was like, um, I thought you said that guys don't hit on you. And she's like, they don't. And I was like, whoa, you know, I had this realization. She has no idea that guys are even hitting on her. And I wasn't a women's dating coach back then. And I wasn't really trying to help her out in that way because I, you know, at the time, I didn't really know what was going on. But there's a lot of times we're just unaware, you know, we're unaware of what's going on around us. And I've seen that with many, many women before where they just are completely unaware that guys are hitting on them. You know, they, and I actually experienced this when I was a kid, right? I, I had, when I was a kid, I thought that, you know, when I was in high school, I had all these girls that would hit on me. And I had no idea that they're hitting on me, right? Like they would like, you know, like hit me on the shoulder and like say flirty things or sarcastic things, which if you're, I'm from Ohio, right? Which is pretty close to the East Coast. And there's, we kind of have this sarcasm culture there, right? And so like, if you like somebody, you like say sarcastic things to them or whatever, and that's a lot of what they were doing with me, you know? And I didn't realize that they were attracted to me. I thought they were just being mean. And so I totally took it as them being mean. And what I realized later in my life, once I started dating women more, is that that's a normal thing. Like that was actually them flirting with me or hitting on me. And I just didn't realize it because I was shut off to it. And I had these belief systems that said that these women wouldn't be attracted to me, they wouldn't want to hit on me. And that happens a lot with, man, we are running off on tangents. I've got nobody here to stop me running off on tangents. So I might run off on some tangents. All right. So what does work? We're talking about what does work. And we're on the first one and we've got three more left. And so, you know, what does work is healing yourself. It's reframing your belief systems. It's it's finding a space where you feel and you can see your worth, right? It's seeing the value that you bring to relationship and bringing to a man. And when you don't see that and you don't experience that, it doesn't matter how much a man might hit on you. It doesn't matter how much a man loves you, right? If you're in a relationship and you're trying to keep a guy interested in you, but you feel like you're not worthy. He's going to pick up on that, right? And eventually he'll start to believe it. We have a phrase that we say, which is he who he who whoever is most certain always wins, right? And if you're most certain about your belief that you're not really worthy of him, it's going to come across to him and he's going to start picking up on it and eventually he's going to believe it, right? And if he believes that you are worthy, but you're just so certain of it that it doesn't matter what he says or it doesn't matter how he acts, you're certain that you're not worthy. It's going to come across in the relationship and it's going to create lots of friction and pain and bad times and all kinds of things that end up creating dysfunction and make men run away eventually. So there's that. All right, so let's move on to the next one, which is creating a life that you love, right? So creating a life that you really enjoy, that you love, that you are bringing to a man, right? A lot of times I'll hear women say things like, oh, I'll start doing that when I find a guy or I'll start, you know, taking care of myself or start, you know, doing all these fun things that I really care about when I find a guy. And one end what ends up happening is you end up meeting these guys and the guys are like, oh, yeah, what do you do? Like, what do you experience in your life? And you're not filled with passion, you're not filled with excitement, you're not filled with love, you're not filled with feeling good about yourself. And I want to preface this with, you know, a lot of times people talk, we talk about having your own life. That doesn't necessarily mean going out all the time. If you're a homebody and you like to spend time at home, there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with really much of anything in terms of what you want to do, right? If you are into sewing, if you're into, you know, sports, if you're into whatever, there's nothing wrong with any of that stuff. Right? What matters is that you enjoy your life. What matters is that when people are around you, they notice that you love, you're, you're that you're excited, that you feel good, right? That that when a man's around you, he feels good because you feel good. And he's like, man, there's something, there's something special about this woman, because most people that they meet are walking around pretending like they're happy. They're like, hey, how are you doing? I'm doing great. Right? And they really deep inside, they're like, they have these issues and they have these problems and they're angry and they have, you know, all this stuff that they're afraid to talk about or bring up. And so if you create a life where, you know, you've you've gone through a lot of healing and you've created a life that really excites you and you're passionate about and you love, it's going to come across, right? People are going to experience that when they're around you men are going to experience that when they're around you and that can be really, really powerful and great because I'm a home body. Yeah, you know, there's a lot of people that are homebodies. It's not a big deal. You know, I think we have a culture in our society where we kind of shame people that want to be homebodies, right? I was actually hanging out with some friends of mine in Destin, Florida last week, I went down to Florida and I was hanging out with a couple of really good friends of mine, they're married now and they've got kids and and they, you know, they were they were really excited that I was there because they were like, yeah, we're going to go out, you know, we're going to go and so like we went out a lot, you know, we're going out to eat, we're going out for drinks, we're going out for all these different things. And like the last night we were there, they're like, oh, my God, what else do you want to see? Where else do you want to go? And I'm just like, I don't care, you know, like half of the reason that I'm out with you guys right now is because you guys love going out. You know, it's like really exciting for you. But it's not, you know, like I'm not as thrilled about it. It's not something that I enjoy as much. I like, you know, I have just as much fun and sometimes I like it even more if we're hanging out, you know, playing a board game at home or just getting into a really deep and interesting conversation with a couple of people. Like I don't need to go out and be like, yeah, yeah, we're drinking. You know, not that there's anything wrong with that, you know, like if that's your thing, that's totally awesome. Whatever, you know, find your things, find your things and realize that there's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with, you know, enjoying reading books and hanging out at home and, you know, doing whatever you do when you're home. There's nothing wrong with going out and enjoying, you know, going out into nature or going out and going to clubs or whatever. Do whatever you want to do, you know, find, find what works for you. We are equal opportunity non-judgmentalists here at Commitment Connection. So all right. And so the next thing, the third one that we're going to be talking about, I've really kind of drawn this out, huh? The third one that we're going to be talking about here is this idea that I picked up from Alice in Armstrong. But for me, it's one of the most important things ever because then you'll see it in some of our some of the chats that you see on here. And we've actually had it in in our chat here that we've had so far already. And we we get it on some of our our YouTube videos sometimes for some reason, a lot of guys will end up like watching some of our videos. And and, you know, sometimes we have some great guys on our channel. We have some really great guys sometimes that are here, that are very supportive of the women here. They're supportive of our ideas. They're supportive of what we're doing. But sometimes we get guys that are just horrible. I mean, they're just God awful. They're just, you know, they're in a space in their lives where they're in a lot of pain, probably. A lot of these guys are in the Migtow community. I'm not sure if you you're familiar with that yet or not. But it's kind of this it's like the men's feminist movement, basically, where they're like fighting for men's rights, but they're really whiny and victimy about it. You know, they like cry about how bad their lives are and how much it sucks being a man and how evil women are, right? And it's just this really destructive, harmful kind of community that is just stupid. And there's so there's this war of the sexes, right? And we have it on our channel on both sides. We get plenty of women. We get women all the time. Like I said, yesterday, we had this woman that was shaming men. We posted a video yesterday. I posted a video yesterday from Helena and there's this woman that got on the video and she was just like, men suck. Men are stupid. Men are, you know, the disease and blah, blah, blah. They're, you know, there's horrible, horrible people and all men, you know, like screw them, you know. And I get that, you know, I get being in a space where you're angry at the opposite sex. I was there once. You know, my high school sweetheart, who I thought I was going to get married to, ended up cheating on me with a bunch of dudes. And I was very angry at women for a while after that. And I get it, you know, and I get being angry. I get the war of the sexes, you know. I get feeling like the other side has it better and, you know, nobody cares about us and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I get it. I get it. And I think that there's a lot of important concerns that we need to talk about as a society around men and women, around gender, around, you know, the sexes. I think it's very, very important stuff. And at the same time, you know, doing this thing where you're fighting for control or you're fighting. You know, I felt at one point in my life, like I gave up relationships for a few years of my life. There was like a good period, good chunk of time. I think it was like five years or something where I totally gave up relationships all together. I was like, I don't even care anymore. I'm gonna work on myself because relationships to me at the time, they felt like what they were was this battle between men and women to get your needs met, right? It was like, oh, well, I gotta get my needs met. So I gotta like, you know, say all this manipulative stuff to her and she's gotta get her needs met. So she's saying all this manipulative stuff to me. And I didn't realize until I started reading Alison Armstrong's work that there is another way, right? Alison Armstrong's work really kind of, and if you don't have it, you should go check out, she has a book, it's called The Queen's Code. You can get it on Amazon. And there's another one called The Keys to the Kingdom. Those are both really great books. If you haven't, if you haven't seen her stuff, you should go and check it out. And so it's, there's this idea that she has in there, right? And it's called partnership. And it's this idea of men and women being on the same side. And believe it or not, a lot of countries in Europe, a lot of countries around the world and in Asia and Eastern Europe and all over actually most countries, most countries don't have the word the sex is going on, right? They have this thing where men are men and women are women and they have different ideas and they come together into relationships. And those relationships look very different depending on which country you're in and what culture you're from. But a lot of other countries have these ideas of, things not being so hostile towards each other from men and women. And, if you really want a man to look at you and feel like you're really valuable to him, if you want a man to look at you and feel like your long-term relationship or marriage material. I was actually, we have this woman, her name's Celine and she's one of our coaches, she's our sex coach. She has a show called Sex Matters on our channel. And it's a great show, it's really great. I think you should go, everyone should go and watch it. And one of the things I was talking to her fiance, Kevin, right? Cause Kevin is this guy who, he used to not want to get married at all. He realized, he saw all the signals that men were getting screwed over in divorces and he was like, I don't want, I just don't want to play a part in that, right? And so we were talking for a little bit and I asked him, what was it that really changed your mind about getting married to Celine? Cause now they're getting married. I was like, what was it that changed your mind about that? And he said, I really feel like we're in this together. Like I'm not afraid at all that she's gonna hurt me. I'm not afraid that she's got ulterior motives or that she's going to do something destructive to me. And so, because I wanted to show her how much I care about her, I decided that I wanted to get married. And it's just really, really powerful, you know? Being on the same side as a man, it makes it, you know, cause we're in this war of the sexes and being on his side and showing him continuously that you're on his side is incredibly powerful. You know, he'll feel like all those concerns for him go away. You know, a lot of those concerns that men have about getting married and doing all these things and being in a committed relationship, a lot of times they're because they're afraid of getting hurt, right? Men get hurt just like women get hurt. You know, men get cheated on all the time, you know? Half the people, half the men in my family have been cheated on by women in their lives. And so it's very important to know this stuff. It's very important to think about things in terms of being on a man's side. Like what does that mean, you know? And I'll tell you a few of the things that it means. We actually, in one of my programs, I think it's the Love Frames program, but it might be the Make and Want You program. I can't remember at the moment. I know it used to be in my commitment program, but I don't sell that anyone. We have these kind of ways of connecting with a man that show him that you're on this side, right? And one of the ways is by, you know, connecting and finding out who he is and finding out what his life is about, finding out what he wants to create in his life, what his, you know, we talked earlier about not falling in love with a man for his potential. There's another side to that though, which is finding out about what that potential that he thinks is there is, right? And connecting with who he is right now and then showing him that you can see him becoming the man that he wants to become, right? And the way that that looks is just, for instance, you might ask him like, well, you know, what are your dreams? What do you want to create in the world? What do you, you know, if money wasn't an issue for you, what would you do in your life? You know, what are you, or if he's working on something right now, a lot of times men will talk about it. They'll be like, oh yeah, I'm working on my business and this is, and you just ask him about it, just be really curious about it and ask him about it. And he'll be like, oh yeah, well, I want to create this and I want to become a doctor or I want to, you know, have this business that impacts millions of people around the world. And just look at him and find traits that you can see that would enable him to do that in him, right, and so maybe you're, let's say that he wants to be a doctor, you know, and you're like, hey, you know, like, I can tell that, you know, you would make a really awesome doctor because, you know, just the way that you treat people, the way you treat our waitress, I can tell you have a really kind heart and you really, truly care about people. And I think that you'd make just an amazing doctor and really help a lot of people out, right? And connecting with somebody, and it has to be real, you know, connecting with somebody like that, connecting with a man like that, it shows him that you're really on his side, like that you're paying attention, that you get him, that you see who he is and you see what he's trying to create or who he wants to become and you're connecting it together and you're seeing this huge whole picture of who he is and that you support him in this mission or journey or quest that he's on in his life. And it's really, really powerful stuff. So we're going deep here, guys. So very helpful info says Lovanna. So great, I'm glad this is really helpful info. We've got one more thing that we're going to be talking about here. It is extreme feminism for males, yes. So the MGTOW stuff, that's right, Angelic, it's extreme, it's extreme feminism for males. That's what MGTOW is. Maria says, I'm not shaming men, I love men, I love sex. I'm having, I'm just having a hard time understanding them. Yeah, we all have a hard time understanding each other. Hopefully we can give you some tips here on this channel about how to understand men and get what's going on with them. Why do people not realize what they have until they lose it? You know, it's a common problem that a lot of people have around the world with everything, right? I live in Denver right now. And this place is beautiful. I mean, it's gorgeous. The sun, we have 300 days of sunshine a year. We have these beautiful mountains out here. I meet people all the time who have lived in Colorado their entire lives and they've never been to the mountains. They've been here for 25, 30 years and they've never been to the mountains before. And you're just like, how do you not appreciate these amazing mountains that you have right here? And I think we have to experience what it is not to have something to realize what it is to have it. And so, I mean, everybody does that. And it's one of those things where I think what that turns into is this question of, how do I make somebody realize what they have while they have it, you know? And I think that there's some pretty clear answers to that. Like I said, I'm not gonna be answering questions here unless you're a member. If you're a member, I'll answer your questions. So if you want your questions answered, just become a member. That's all you're gonna do. I'm such a tease. All right, let's get on to the last one. So the last one about keeping a man, you know, what really the real secret to keeping a man is complimenting him. And I'm not saying complimenting him like saying nice things to him, but complimenting him by being not necessarily his opposite, but being somebody that, and it doesn't even have to be in a support role. Sometimes what men want is to be in a support role. I know, so I have some good men friends who actually prefer being in the support role and but being able to connect with him on the pieces that he's kind of missing, right? And so one of the ways that we talk about this stuff on this channel is in terms of masculine and feminine energy dynamics, right? So if you're a interested or if you're with a masculine man, being that feminine energy there for him and connecting with him in a feminine energy way is a really powerful way for him to be like, oh my God, this woman, you know, like I've never felt like I needed somebody to complete me, but it's like this woman does that for me. She's like everything that I could possibly want in a woman. And so doing that kind of stuff is really, really powerful. So Gu Yan, me, Cash says, how do you become a member? There should be a join button under this video or a link to join under this video. If not, if you go to our channel page, there's a join button there and you can click on that and you can join, it's five bucks a month. You can quit at any time. You get a cool little first, the first one is like a heart that goes next to your name and it signifies that you're a member, right? And the longer you remember the cooler little icons you get and we're gonna roll out with some other cool things that you're gonna be getting as well. But we're also gonna be talking about all the things that you want. We're gonna answer your questions. We're gonna do members only live streams here in the future. And so if you want to become a member and help support our channel and we're bringing value to you and you feel like it's been really great and you like what we're doing here, then become a member and it'll help us out. Helena is gonna be doing a lot of the live streams here in the future. She's gonna be connecting with a bunch of guests that she thinks is gonna be really valuable for you and we're gonna be talking just about your stuff, specifically. So yeah, like I said, if you want your questions and if you have a question you want an answer, you gotta become a member if you want that. It's only fair, it's only fair. So yeah, we're talking about complimenting a guy. So there's the masculine and feminine energy dynamics which is one thing, right? And we have entire live streams and tons of videos on feminine energy if you're interested in connecting with a masculine man and you want to be that feminine energy presence in his life, we have videos, all about that kind of stuff. If you have a, but there's other stuff, I keep getting distracted by the comments. I'm like, okay, I'm reading the comments but trying to talk at the same time. Note to self, don't do that. All right, so there's other ways to compliment men as well, right? So it depends on what he does, right? Like what's going on. One of the things that I talk about is this whole idea of silence, right? And creating this moment of silence, right? Where you're not necessarily needing to connect. One of the mistakes that a lot of women make that we've seen is that a lot of times they'll go into situations where a guy just wants to hang out and she's like constantly trying to get his attention, right? And she has a problem just sitting there hanging out with a guy while he's working or something like that, like if he works from home or if he has something that he needs to do and just being able to be in silence a lot of times can be really, really powerful because a lot of times what ends up happening is there's gonna be a lot of downtime, right? There's gonna be a lot of downtime in your relationship where you're not going out and doing activities, where you're not doing stuff that is a big deal, right? It's not, you're not going out to eat, you're not playing games, you're not doing anything where you're actually doing much of anything and there's this down period of time. And what you do during that down period of time is very important or what you don't do. And so a lot of times what's important to do is just to be able to just hang out and not necessarily need anything to happen there or feel like there's anything that needs to happen in that situation. Because if you start creating things that need to happen you start trying to vie for his attention, you start trying to pick up the conversation he's just hanging out doing whatever and he doesn't want that, that can actually make him feel like you guys can't just hang out together, which is a bad thing. And so it's complimenting him as well. So all right, so anyway, I hope all that stuff was useful for you. Like I said before, if you want your questions answered on our live streams, make sure you join our channel, it's five bucks a month and it's awesome and we're very, very grateful for everybody who's here. So thank you so much for being on this live stream. Thank you so much for being a part of our community. If you're not in our Facebook community yet, you should go to Facebook and type in the Goddess community. And we have a group there, it's really great. It's got a lot of awesome women there that are helping each other out. We've got a lot of other programs and stuff if you're interested in doing that as well. And so if you want to further your work in this field and connect more with other women who know what they're doing, join the Goddess community. It's a great place to connect with other women. So it looks like Guyani ended up becoming a member. Good job, yeah, figuring it out. So great job, thanks so much for becoming a member. It really helps us, supports this channel and helps us keep going and creating videos and creating great content and creating other live streams and stuff. And like I said, if you want your questions answered, if you've got questions and you're a member, we will answer your questions in the live stream. So I think that's it. If nobody has anything else, I guess, thank you so much for watching. And we will see you, I think the next live stream is either gonna be this Friday or it's gonna be next week. We're gonna start getting on a consistent schedule here where we're having live streams every single week now because we're getting enough members in and we're gonna be doing that every single week. And so we're gonna be answering your questions and talking specifically about what is going on with you in your situations, what you're most concerned with as a member of our channel. So thank you so much. You're awesome for being with us here and I will speak with you again soon.