 Men will absolutely commit to you when these three things happen. These are critically important if you are seeking a significant relationship with a man who wants a life partner, and excuse me, you want a life partner. These three things must happen before he'll ever commit. So let's dive into the first thing that must happen. Now, the way I've outlined this, it says he wants to be a husband and he seeks a wife. He wants to be a husband seeks a wife. Now, for those of us in midlife, a significant percentage of people aren't necessarily looking to get remarried, given that probably 75% of singles who are in the dating marketplace over 45 years are divorced, a big percentage of people don't necessarily want to get remarried, but the idea still stays the same. He wants to be a husband. In other words, he wants to be a partner to another human being, and he's seeking a person who is also partnership material. Now, men operate a little bit different than women, but I've outlined a few things that men seek in let's call it a wife, okay? And we don't mean a wife, we really mean a life partner in this particular case. So you've got to kind of, just like ladies, you're seeking a man who checks the boxes, well, this is what the man's boxes must be checked off. And I think the first one is she considers her attractive enough, okay? Now that might offend some of you, but what I mean by attractive enough is like, look, every guy has this fantasy of being with a supermodel, a gorgeous actress, some sexy woman type of person in their life. We all have that fantasy. Men have this fantasy. Ladies, you seem to have the same fantasy I hear about Ryan Gosling all the time. And there's a few other men that seem to be in your fantasy category. What was that friends episode? You were allowed to sleep with the five people that happened to came into your orbit. Does anyone remember that with Ross and Rachel? Isabella Rossellini ended up being the lynchman there. But my point is, is he's seeking a person where he feels attractive enough. And I know that sounds a little off-putting, but what I mean to say is he genuinely feels like, wow, I've got someone I'm attracted to that I don't necessarily need someone better looking. I don't need someone better looking. This person is attractive and I don't need to be seeking someone else who's better looking. See, a lot of men find themselves in relationship with women where they're like, yeah, you know what? I get occasional companionship. I get occasional connection. I get occasional sex, but you know what? I think I can do better. These are the men who I call spenders. What they mean is they're spending time with you, but they don't think you're all that, okay? So they don't mind wasting your time because it fulfills their needs. This is why I'm such a big proponent of couples progressing the relationship. Listen, a man who's, after he's had sex with a woman, and they've been dating for about three, maybe four months, he knows whether or not she is wife material, okay? I'm using her partnership material. He knows if she checks the boxes of pretty enough. The other box to check is, is she emotionally stable? Is she emotionally stable? Well, not emotionally demanding. Not emotionally demanding. These are a couple of critical boxes men need to have checked off before they're ever commit to someone. This is all the partnership wife material, wife material. And again, he has to want to be a husband. He has to want to be a partner. This is one of the first critical things that must happen before he even begins dating you. If it's more like, well, I'll just see how it goes kind of person, then he's not committed to commitment. And so he wants a partner who is attractive enough for him. She's not, she's emotionally stable and she's not emotionally demanding. See, this is the critical piece where a lot of couples fail as they become emotionally dependent on one another. And one person rejects it and the other person needs it more. Excuse my slurping. My coffee mug says, don't make me go all psycho roommate on you. That's all a cup. Okay, at least forgive the slurping, it's very hot. The other piece for wife material, partnership material. Now, this isn't always the case, but I think for midlife people, given that probably 90, 95% of the population, at least here in the United States is living paycheck to paycheck or at least doesn't have more than a year's worth of saving, a year's worth of livelihood in the bank. There are men that are looking for women who are financially stable, that they can support themselves. Now, that's not as critically important to men as it might be to women. Women tend to gravitate to more emotionally stable men, but as women are now significant in the workforce, their capacity to take care of themselves. This isn't necessarily a high degree of checking the box, but I would say in many cases, it's important where two sovereign people come together where they can financially take care of one another and merge into lives together. And this is the first critical piece is that he wants a life partner. He wants to be a husband. He wants to be a wife, okay? Or excuse me, he doesn't want to be a wife. He wants, he's seeking a wife, but the point is, is that this is where his state of mind is in the beginning stages or before you ever meet him. Number two, this is the idea of all in. In other words, he's found a partner where he's all in. In other words, he wants to take care of her. You know, I think this is the peace missing. You know, if you're familiar with my chart of the three active people dating, you might be able to see this. Excuse the glare. There are the users, the spenders, and the grower builders. And this is not a fact, it's merely an opinion. But I would say, you know, 20% of the population seek short-term gain. They're only in it for themselves, whether it's a man or woman, it's just all about themselves. And while I say 20% are grower and builders, they're seeking something more significant. Most everybody is in this spender category. They are happy to spend time with you, but they won't fully commit. See, the grower and the builders, these are the men that want all in. They want to actually take care of someone. And until that reached that point, by the way, have you ever read the wedding vows? I was just looking it up earlier today, you know, but this is traditional wedding vows. I, you know, Jonathan, take you, you know, ABC, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, to love and cherish until parted by death. You know, that's the all in space. Until a person reaches that space of all in, they're not gonna fully, they won't absolutely commit to you. They have to want to take care of you. This is where I would say probably 80, 90% of people fail in their relationships as they never reach this point of all in. And I'm gonna tell you something. The grower and builder men, the men who are serious about relationship, they know this stuff roughly about three months after you've been, or after you've physically been intimate with one another. They know whether or not they want to go all in. But the problem is we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality. We are swimming in a complicated sea of human beings who are wounded in many cases. Whether it's childhood wounds or traumas or adult traumas, and let me just say something about childhood wounds and traumas. And I'll get to the third piece in a moment. These three things need to happen. But childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas don't have to be, childhood doesn't have to be anything overtly significant. Doesn't have to be physical abuse. It doesn't have to be emotional abuse. It doesn't have to be rape or anything like, oh, God, I didn't even like saying that, incest. It doesn't have to be something dramatic, although it can be something incredibly traumatic. But in many cases, we've all experienced micro traumas growing up, micro wounds. Little things our parents did. We could have had good parents, but they didn't mean to emotionally affect you because a child's brain is completely different than an adult's brain. And by the way, adults don't necessarily communicate well with each other either. But I'm here to say that we, the challenge with dating today is we are swimming in a sea of emotionally wounded people. And those adult traumas tend to be divorced. And divorce can be a very traumatic effect on one. So even the breakup, I know my breakup with Marie, this is, I'm grieving this experience. This isn't easy to navigate the ending of this relationship. I was all in. I was ready to be a husband. I was all in. Because we didn't have a shared vision of the future, I thought we did in the beginning, but it turns out as we got to know each other greater, we were really on two different trajectories. And so for her to want to move on, I understand her need to move on and it's okay that she's moved on. But the same time, folks, how many of you have experienced a breakup and it hurt deeply? It affected you deeply. And these wounds cause us to be fearful of going all in. I truly hope that this experience doesn't cause me to, well, you know what? I'm gonna make a declaration today. I wanna be a husband to someone. I'm seeking a wife. I do want all in. So I am in that grower builder category. I know that significantly. I know I'm still grieving the experience. So it's okay to grieve. You know, grieve is, you know, we go through these, it doesn't have to be the loss of, many of you know I lost a child. And, you know, grief can come. Okay, I just have to pause for a second. I'm just thinking of Connor for a moment. Those who don't know, there's a picture of Connor there when he was a little baby, a little child, his woody outfit. He's my son who passed away over five years ago. Grief doesn't have to be death. Could be the grief of losing a relationship, the grief of losing a job. There's a lot of different forms of grief. But my point in bringing this up is it might cause so many people to be reluctant to go all in, to want that all in relationship, to want a life partner, and then to be all in. All in is a critical piece in this component. And so I invite you all to look in the mirror and say, do you want all in? Are you wife material? Or in other words, do you wanna be a wife or are you seeking husband material, excuse me? These are the critical questions that must be answered in the early stages of dating. This is why when clients work with me, by the way, there's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Folks, many of you just do a terrible job vetting the person in the early stages. We've adopted mostly from what I've observed, this is my relationship iceberg, but we've adopted the belief that chemistry and attraction equals relationship success. And relationship success has more to do with compatibility, shared values, blendable lifestyles, and emotional maturity. And within shared values is a shared vision of what you seek in life, is a shared vision of what you seek in life. In other words, are you on the same trajectory of where you want your life path to be? This is one of the challenges that many midlife people face. I've been thinking about this with respects to the Golden Bachelor, for example. You know, he's meeting women, is anyone following the Golden Bachelor, but he's meeting women who have completely full lives in the cities they live in. And I suspect he has a full life in the city he lives in. So this is gonna be a complicated challenge in this relationship to really be able to go all in. You have to share the same values, the same vision. You have to have lifestyles that are blendable. And as I talked about emotional maturity, coming back to the deep childhood wounds and adult traumas, has this person healed from those traumas? I gotta tell you, we are swimming in a sea of people that are struggling in this area. And so the minute we meet someone where they check some of the boxes and we have chemistry, but there's a few boxes that haven't been checked and those are the red flags. And then we paint those red flags green because we have such good here that we've doubled down on what was good and didn't truly address what was missing in the very early stages of this dynamic. This is the challenge we're faced with for many of us. So what's the third piece that a man will absolutely commit? I was watching a Joe Dispenza video. Does anyone know who Joe Dispenza is? I highly recommend checking out his videos. I was watching a video of his this morning and it talks about the importance of gratitude, the importance of gratitude. Being grateful for what you have can override a lot of the little differences between a man and a woman. See, gratitude is a powerful, a powerful, not tool, but is it an emotion? Is gratitude an emotion, a feeling? I mean, certainly it's a feeling, but not but and. But I'm gonna say gratitude is like love. It's about making that conscious choice to appreciate what you have. I really do believe that humans spend so little time and gratitude. Here in the United States, it seems like we're suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness. So I can only speak from what I have observed, but not but and I recognize that gratitude is the critical component for someone to fully commit. So I talked about my relationship for a moment and then it ended. See, I could view the ending from a place of bitterness, jadedness, fear, doubt, uncertainty, or I'm gonna choose gratitude. Marie is this beautiful human being. We were just on two different trajectories and that's okay. That's okay, but I'm grateful for what she brought to my life and even though it was only a year or just slightly over a year, I got so much out of this. I'm gonna tell you something folks. I invite you all to ask yourself these four questions if your relationship didn't work out. And that was, what are the positive things did you learn about yourself in this relationship? Number two, how did you heal a childhood wound or an adult trauma in this relationship? Number three, what was good about the relationship and most important, what are you most grateful for about this relationship? Can someone write this down? What positive things did you learn about yourself? How did you heal from this relationship? What was good about the relationship? And most importantly, what are you most grateful for? Because gratitude is a powerful amplifier to attract a new partner in your life or to keep a part, well, when two people are in a state of gratitude, that relationship is rock solid. They can get through anything when they're both in a state of gratitude for one another, provided that everything else lines up too. So just to repeat, men will absolutely commit when these three things happen. First and foremost, he wants to be a husband, he's seeking a wife. And within that component, that really just means he wants to be a partner and he's seeking a partner. And he checks off the boxes, he's attracted to her and she's emotionally stable and not emotionally demanding, okay? That's the first piece. The second piece is he's all in. He says, I wanna take care of you, whatever that looks like. It could be you even have more money than him. It's not financially taken care of. It could simply be emotionally taken care of. When we think of the term provider and protector, the protector means he wants to cherish you. He wants to take care of you. He is all in. And that third piece, and again, I cannot stress this enough, the importance of gratitude to be grateful, both for what you have, for what you had, and most importantly to amplify those into your future experience. God, universe, spirit. I invite in a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship, where we have amazing chemistry with one another. And our communication is off the charts and we're able to handle conflicts and differences with ease and our lifestyles are blendable. And we share the same values and have the same vision of life in life. And we're both emotionally stable and we're both emotionally givers and we're capable of receiving for one another and we handle those conflicts and differences with ease because we are emotionally grown up and we have great relationship skills. And lastly, we are fully committed to building the deep roots of trust that sustain a healthy, happy relationship. And that, and lastly, we have great sex and chemistry with one another. Because without that, that's the icing on the cake. God, universe, spirit. I invite that in and with gratitude. I express that out to the universe and I invite that in for myself and for everyone who watches and appreciates my material. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. If it is, please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. And if you found value in this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell when you get notified, so you can get notified of new videos. Did you find value in this? I hope you did. All right, those who know my life format, know this is time for Q and A. If you have a question, write the word question and then post the question thereafter. Or you can purchase a super sticker, super chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. Or you can, if you're watching the replay, you can purchase a super thanks. All the monies from the super sticker, super chats goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. Again, that's a picture of him there right there. He's my son who passed away over five years ago and we donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute, just to name a few. All right, if you have a question, write the word question and post the question thereafter. Let's see what we have in the chat box. Let's see, Dogo Diva says, if a guy you're talking to just started a date begins asking you about your feelings about getting married again, is that a positive sign? Yeah, I think that's a great sign if someone's interested. But at the same time, I would wanna find out what his feelings are around marriage. So yes, I think that's a great sign. But it's gotta be a consistent one. The question I have is, Diva, is if you haven't had sex yet, some guys understand that if we sell long-term, we can get short-term benefits. So it goes beyond the physical, the first time you're physical together, that that's a continual conversation. That's a better sign. But this is the trick, ladies, let me just say this, this is the tricky part about choosing someone. This is why jumping into bed first, second, or third date is just not a good long-term strategy. While there are some success stories out there, those are the exception, not the rule. Takes about 100 hours of face-to-face time just to build the first layer of trust with another human being. So, and it requires, listen, if you're not, again, coming back to my private coaching, by the way, there's a link for all the books I recommend and join my membership group and everything, those in the description. But I talk about radical honesty, laying your cards on the table, and the rules of engagement. And this is critically important to assess this in the early stages before you're physically intimate with someone. And if you wanna learn more about it, again, schedule a call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Digital Warrior says, thank you, Jonathan. That is a fantastic way of looking at it. I don't wanna say failed relationships, but I guess they failed. I don't like failed relationships. I simply say relationships that end. My relationship with Marie didn't fail. It didn't. It was actually a great relationship. It taught me so much. It brought so much healing, so many positive things that came out of it, so many good things came out of it, and so many things I'm grateful for. So it just ended. It transmuted into, well, I've got a bit of word we're friends now. I mean, she's living 3,000 miles away from me, so it's not like we're gonna be hanging out together. And I don't need her for emotional support. I've got tons of people in my life for emotional support. When relationship ends, oftentimes you still remain each other's therapist. She doesn't need me to do therapy for her. I don't need her to do therapy for me. I've already got people in my life that do plenty of therapy for me. So when we communicate, it's just simply, I just wanna check in to see how things are going, how are our children doing that sort of thing. So just to give you kind of a quick update on what's going on. Okay, violets in the house. If you're out on a date after dating about six weeks, what might it mean when a stranger asks us if we are married and without a beat, he says, not yet? Well, I think that's kind of a compliment. I mean, I take, maybe I'm missing something here, but I take that as a full compliment. He sees something within you long-term, but it's more important that he says that after 90 to 120 days of being together after you've been physically intimate. After physical intimacy, somewhere between 90 and 120 days, if he's still saying that, that's a great sign. This is, could be, I don't know if you've had sex yet, Violet, but if you haven't, it's hard to say if that's truly a good sign, but it's certainly in the right direction. And it might open up, wow, that's interesting. So you might open up the conversation with them, Violet, is do you see yourself getting married? Do you wanna get married? That opens up the door to having that conversation with them. I think that's a great door opener to build that conversation with them, all right? Okay. Cindy says, if a man says he wants to be with you, but doesn't like to talk every day, is this something you should compromise with? Dating over 50 with limited long-term relationship history. So, I'm gonna speak for myself here. I wasn't big on, when I'm dating someone, when I've been pursuing a relationship with someone, I would say in the early stages, before physical intimacy and shortly after that, I'd want to stay connected with someone to build a sense of trust with them. So, but I didn't like it when it was like, if we didn't physically see each other for weeks at a time, I didn't like the habitual talking on the phone. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. I didn't like that, that just wears on me. So I prefer to spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either something serious. So, if usually a lot of telephone, so here's the thing, if you're dating someone around the corner, you don't need to talk always in between dates if you're seeing each other frequently. And it can be kind of exhausting and it creates a little bit of, I mean, other than maybe a check-in kind of message. Hey, just checking in. But you don't need to fuel the relationship with that telephone call. Usually that's needed for those long distance relationships. And I gotta tell you, after a while, we just get tired of fucking talking on the phone. We men like physical touch is usually then one of the top three love languages for men. We wanna physically be in your presence. So usually that happens with long distance dynamics. And yes, it's very possible. Does it mean you have to compromise? It means figure out where your relationship is going if you're in a long distance. What's your plan? I'm guessing, Cindy, that you're in a long distance, okay? Hey, one of our Facebook group members, by the way, folks, if you'd like to have direct access to me on a regular basis, check out the second link below called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a group where you have direct access to me on a regular basis. I interact with the members and for a small fee, you can join my membership subscription program, okay? Let's see what she has on the table. Do you think keeping male friendships with failed dates is harmful? Many times I find men I'm not in relationship material with but we connect on other levels. The word friends is a very subjective term. Here's the thing. To me, my friends are the people that if I need something, they'll be there for me in a heartbeat. I got a friend that called me up, the Uber Eider didn't pick her up and this was some years back. And she said, Jonathan, will you come pick me up and take me to the airport, okay? That's what a friend does. Being friendly with someone you dated, sure, that's fine but the real question I have for you is, is this person gonna be your friend when you meet your soulmate, when you meet your love of your life, when you meet someone special, what's your life partner? Is this person going to be someone you're gonna call every day? I briefly had connected with a woman that we decided it was gonna be, we went on a date, it wasn't a match for her, it wasn't really a match for me either but we started to talk every day sometimes a couple of times a day and it just became draining and I realized, am I gonna be, it was keeping company, it was nice to have company but I wasn't really building a friendship but also she lived far away as well and then when I met Marie shortly thereafter I didn't need this person to keep me company anymore so the why is really important and just remember that it might be a temporary solution. By the way, I cut off friendship with that person I didn't cut it off, I just said it, I can't communicate this much and Marie entered my life shortly thereafter. So I'm just saying to this, you know what? If you're hold, if you have a tether with someone else it could be blocking you from attracting someone else in your life just be mindful of that, okay? Thanks for that question. Hey, by the way, I wanna give dog Diva props for the $3.99 super sticker. Listen, let's reach $50 today, $50 today. We only need $46 more dollars to get to the my goal of donating for today. All right, Miss Pickles is in the house. Someone I'm seeing is serious but has unhealed emotional wounds. I told him we need to stop interacting until he resolves his conflict energy. Did I do the right thing or should I help him heal? You know, you can't heal someone else. You can't heal someone else, okay? If he has conflict energy it's going to be incredibly problematic to build a relationship. I just want you to understand that this is a chart I created, emotional maturity relationship skills. You know, 20% of the population has clinical issues. True clinical issues that this is emotional maturity relationship skills usually stems from deep, deep seated wounds and traumas, okay? And while I say 20% of the population is healthy and by the way, this is not a fact it's merely an opinion. I believe most everybody is dysfunctional. It depends on his dysfunctionality. Is it closer to the clinical level or is it just at the borderline of healthy? If he's on the borderline of healthy which it doesn't sound like he is you can hold space if he is doing healing work. If he goes to a therapist, if he has a coach in his life if he does daily personal development self-help and spiritual work. I call this self-love. Do you see the book behind me self-love? I call this self-love. This is my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? Journey of Personal Development, self-help, spiritual work. There's a link below to get a copy of my book, okay? If he's not on a daily practice and he's not on the borderline of healthy and dysfunctional, you are setting yourself up for a very complicated relationship especially if he has serious conflict energy. Just be prepared for it. Haven't talked to me, I'll vet him for you. I charge you fee for it but I'll, but I can vet him for you. Okay. Hey, I wanna give dog Diva a shout out for the $5 super sticker. So we are $41 away of reaching our goal tonight. Today, excuse me, thank you so much dog Diva. And never, by the way, Miss Pickles never, it's not your job to heal someone. You cannot heal someone, they have to heal themselves. Ronnie is in the house. Do you think one year of giving, grieving loss of a spouse is sufficient to begin seeking a new partner? That's a tough question. That's an individual question. I was just reading about stages of grief earlier and I was just thinking that acceptance is the critical piece to be able to move on that you fully accept it. And quite frankly, one thing in the stage of grief that isn't listed, but I believe coming back to what we talked about earlier, when Connor passed away, by the way, his nickname is Salty. By the way, if you ever see, by the way, if you see the products listed below you see Salty Love, that's due to Connor. Excuse the armpit stains. I'm just a bit hot here. Grieving with love means I'm in a state of gratitude, not that he passed away. I'm grateful for the 19 years and a few months I had with him. I'm grateful for every experience. If you can be grateful and you've accepted it, I think it's possible to be, if that's the space you're in, it's possible. It's hard to say. We carry residue from our past. So if you fully healed from the experience and you're not in a state of denial, you're not a state of bargaining, you're not in a state of anger, at least consistently, okay? I mean, significantly. I mean, you might have residue, but the residue is just residue from the past. It's not a coat of armor you're wearing, if you will. Then yes, I do believe it's possible, Ronnie. So, you know, I was just thinking, how long is it gonna take before I'm ready for the relationship with Marie? You know, being one year together, because that's an ending, it's not a death. Oh, you said grieving the loss. I'm assuming that was a death as opposed to breakup. You know, for a one year relationship, I'd say somewhere between three to six months of healing afterwards is a good time, you know, for every, I'd say for a longer relationship, I'd say at least a year or two years of healing, if it's a significantly long relationship. I would say, you know, really coming back to this, Ronnie, one to two years of really integrating back into your sovereignty is about, you know, there's no right or wrong here. There's no absolutes here. I don't know what if even a therapist would tell you, you just have to be in a good space within yourself. You have to love yourself. Coming back to my book, what the heck does self love anyway? All right, thanks so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Also, I wanna give props to Violet for the $2 Super Sticker. Thank you so much. So we're $39 away and it looks like Barbara is in the house, $20, so we're $19 away. Thank you so much and Ms. Pickles just gave $4. So we're $15 away from hitting our goal of $50 today. All right, let's keep seeing what's in here. Do you possibly have any leftover, stay salty teas? It's in, by the way, in the link below, there should be a whole plethora of salty t-shirts, okay? Okay, I don't operate that, that's a company that does it all, okay? All right, let's, oh, Summer is in the house and she says, how do I navigate a new relationship with a younger man who is also a widower, your widow? He is wonderful but wounded. Yeah, that's a tough one to navigate. You know what, if he is still deeply hurting from the loss, he needs time on his own to heal. And the fact that he's younger, you know, it's hard to say, you know, but I'm here to say, if he is deeply wounded, he needs time to heal. If he's coming out of it, you know, then you hold space together, but it's sound, here's the thing, you might be what's known as a spender. He's spending time with you, you're filling, you're possibly a placeholder in his life. By the way, I think you should schedule a call with me, hire me for a one coaching session. We can do a, I can get inside his head on your behalf. I can get inside his head on your behalf and we can assess the merits of this relationship. So yeah, I would recommend that, Summer. Hey, Pickles, wow, a $50 super sticker, that's a big deal. Folks, we just collected $95 today. Well, let's make it 120, so we need $25 more to hit the, there's some money we're donating to Hoffman and I think Insight Institute will be our next charity we're gonna donate to. Liske wants to tell you that a call with Jonathan sounds like a great idea. Yes, I appreciate that. Hey, Ronnie just gave us a $20 super sticker, so that's makes it, well, you know what? Let's make it $150, we're $25 away from, excuse me, $30 away from getting $150 donations. Wow, this is great. Summer wants to say thank you. Oh, you're very welcome, I'm happy it helps. Liske wants to say wowza, I appreciate that as well. See if there's anything else in here that's worth sharing. Ms. Kay, you shouldn't be seeking friendship with a man. You know what, I think we have to be careful. You know, I shared something earlier with you all, but I did begin a friendship with someone and it just was because it was COVID, I was lonely, it was just nice to talk to someone. She was readily available to talk on a regular basis, but it wasn't healthy, wasn't building a true, listen, folks, I think I'm of the space that I wanna only build a new friendship with a woman who is going to be my life partner. I don't need to make more friends in my life. And not to say I wouldn't want more people to connect with, but building deep, deep friendships requires a lot of significant effort and I'd much rather do that with a potential life partner. That's just how I feel, I'd like to hear how you feel. By the way, Roller, the girl just gave us $2 for Connor. Thank you so much and Lisa just gave us $5 for Connor. Okay, we're $20 away from getting to our $150 goal. Wow, you guys have been so generous today. Thank you so much. Hello, Jonathan, when he tells you between us it's more than just having sex, what does that mean? I think it means what it says. Between us, there's more than just having sex. There's an emotional connection there. That's the way I interpret it. I mean, it's hard to say, but I think that's a great sign, love and peace, yeah. Means there's something more than just sex. I think he's straightforward there. At least that's my sense anyway. Oh, Liz just gave us another $5 super sticker. God, we're only 20 bucks away. Ellie Louise is in the house. Question, in a new long distance with a man on the other side of the world, he's been stressed out with work, life and letting me down in communication, which hurts. Do I easily, do I go easy on him or state my needs? All right, this is your big brother talking. You are setting yourself for the biggest gigantic emotional disaster of your life. Well, not, okay, that shouldn't be true. I don't know, you could have had significant words. You're setting yourself up for emotional disaster and you're setting yourself up for a potential catfisher or scammer. Folks, unless you're doing FaceTime with someone, okay? If you're not doing FaceTime with this person and you don't know who he physically is, danger number one, danger number two, most women will completely abandon their standards for a man. That's what you're talking about, abandoning your standards, okay? You're taking a big risk on somebody. You, okay, folks, it takes about 100 hours of FaceTime to build the first layer of trust. The second layer of trust comes after 200 hours of face-to-face time. Until you're face-to-face on a regular basis, you are setting yourself up for emotional fall. Does everyone agree with me? Say, oh my God, Jonathan, I agree with you or say amen or something. Because, I mean, you're setting yourself up. Ms. Prickle says, thank you, Jonathan, for your insights. I keep your advice in mind. I also love this Q&A format. I feel like I gained so much from hearing about others' views and dilemmas. By the way, if anyone wants to join the hot seat right now, here's a link I just posted. Okay. And you can join live with me, okay? You can join live with me. I think the timeframe for healing is complicated to calculate and it depends on so many factors. Jonathan, I've missed watching you and I've been so busy. I haven't been watching YouTube. Well, thank you, Digital War. Yes, you know what? It's, this healing is complicated. It is not one-size-fits-all. You know, I think being on a daily basis I think being in a state of acceptance and gratitude helps accelerate the process. If you've gone through the anger, denial, bargaining, all that sort of thing from a loss and then for your individual healing, you are constantly looking at your blind or your introspective enough to know your, to catch yourself with your triggers, okay, folks? When you get, by the way, very cool. I did something called the Hoffman process. This was a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and adult traumas. One of the things we talked about is triggers. When you get triggered, it's an opportunity to look in the mirror and say, okay, what is at the root of what's going on for me? What is at the root of what's going on for me? And so, yes, it is through those triggers that we can heal and if we can catch ourselves before we get like, and I, by the way, I think one thing Marie didn't like about me is, and there was things I didn't like about her, so, but I have anxiety when I feel scared. And I can, these days I feel scared more frequently because it's scary getting older. It's scary being alone. It's scary being by yourself. It's scary the world we live in. There's a lot of things that make us feel scared. And when I get scared, I go into a heightened state of anxiety. It could be as simple as traveling sometimes. I'm not the best to travel with. And she was, she loved to travel, so there was conflict between the two of us there. And I'm working on it. I catch myself in my triggers, but it's still hard. Even going to the doctor yesterday triggered me on something. And I felt it right here in my gut. And I recognize that I need to give, need to give that part of me a ton of love. But giving love to oneself is so complicated. There's nothing easy about this work. This is, this is herculean work to heal oneself. So, by the way, folks, I sometimes get criticized for, okay, folks, I'm very vulnerable and authentic with you all, but sometimes I'm criticized for it because you use my shit against me. And I don't like that. You know, how do you like it when you're vulnerable with someone and it is used against you sometimes in comments or whatnot? You don't, listen, I mean, you're welcome to do whatever you want. I don't let it bother me. I mean, well, yeah, it does bother me. Obviously, if I'm bringing it up, it bothers me, but I'm not gonna let your dictate my life, but I'm gonna tell you something. When a person is vulnerable and then you use it against them, that's not cool. That's fucking not cool, okay? So I'm vulnerable and authentic and transparent because I'm trying to demonstrate as I'd like to be a wake-up call for human beings to do personal development, self-help, spiritual work therapy, you know, to heal. So you can find the juicy, delicious fruit within this thing called life and you can squeeze the juice out of it. Anyways, that's my two cents anyway. Hey, Christina Noel, thank you so much for the $20 Super Sticker. I really appreciate it. I really appreciate that. And Tina, thank you so much for the 10. Is it Franks, Lyra, Pounds? What is that, Tina? By the way, we reached $160 today. Why not get up to $200 to donate? Let's hit, let's, we need another $40 to donate some big bucks. Okay, Miss D, how do I tell my widowed boyfriend of three years that I'm done because he has kept his 23-year-old daughter from having friends. Wait, 23-year-old from having friends and does things with us. Always the em, a measurement is a real way. How do I tell my 20, my widowed boyfriend of three years that I'm done because he has kept his 23-year-old daughter from having friends and does things with us? Oh, if I'm understanding this correctly, Miss D, Missy D, do you believe that he has a very strong connection with his daughter? And if so, is it possible he's experiencing emotional or covert incest? I want everyone to Google emotional incest with a child or covert incest with a child. It is possible that the child represents his, I think that's where you are going, his significant emotional container. And so that's why she's so prevalent within your life. He hasn't separated that, which makes it almost impossible for you to lean into a healthy, happy relationship because he puts his daughter up on a pedestal above you. I think that's where you were going, but I could be completely mistaken. So, but that's my suspicion on that. Vote folks, check out golden or covert incest or emotional incest with a child. All right. Hey, Renette gave us a $5 super sticker. Thank you so much. And so did Violet, another $1.99. Thank you so much. All right, let's keep going here. Liz says, what if you accept your triggers and just rode them out? Resisting can make anxiety depressed. Well, well, first off, observing and acknowledging it isn't necessarily, you know, it's not about resisting and make, it's about accepting the triggers. I agree, and riding them out versus resisting them. No, I think we have to own all our triggers and feelings and acknowledge them and then just ride through them. See feelings, folks, everybody feelings aren't facts, F-A-C-T-S. They're not facts. They're just feelings. They come and go, they move around. They're not, they don't have to, now it could be, you can be in a perpetual state of depression or perpetual state of anxiety, but it's not, it doesn't mean that it's a fact. It can always change just like the tides, the water moves in and out. That's how feelings are. It's kind of like, but they can be like a roller coaster and all over the map as well. So yes, I fully agree with that. Yes. Ronnie says, totally agree about difficult self-love. Yeah, there's nothing easy about this shit, folks. I mean, it is just not easy. I often wonder if I just, like the ending of the relationship with Marie. I wonder if that was just so, I can really get what my clients feel when you genuinely are all in and it doesn't work out. I, to really embody empathy, you have to feel it and ride through it with self-love. Self-love is wrapping yourself in a blanket. I've got you. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere. Anyway, thank you so much. Roller Girl says, I love your honesty. Thank you. I really appreciate that. Let's see. Tina says, thank you, Jonathan. I learned so much from you. Thank you so much. I appreciate that, Tina. Don't mind anyone dictate anything to you. Continue to be yourself, people. People are fake. No, people are wounded and they have masks. People are real. They're really wounded and they really have masks on. We create these, our ego is this unique system of trying to protect ourselves and it does it in these self-sabotaging ways. I mean, there's good parts of ego too, so I don't want to diminish that, but not but and. Folks, most, it breaks my heart when we judge and crucify another human being. I mean, unless you had to call a doctor, an attorney or a policeman, unless you had to call a doctor, attorney or policeman. I heard that from Dr. Pat Allen. Crucifying someone for their behavior is just unnecessary suffering. It's unnecessary suffering on your part. I don't know if that's where you were going, love and peace, but that's where I took what you said. So thank you for sharing. I appreciate it. Renetta says, hi, early Saturday session with Jonathan. Thanks for helping me out. So folks, let me just be very transparent with you. I am heading off today to do a spiritual journey using plant-based medicine, plant-based medicine. I'm doing it with, he's not a shaman. It's a husband and wife. They're not shamans, but I call them my shaman. I mean, shaman is a teacher, a guide, a guru and to that extent, that he's not the legitimate Peruvian type of shaman. I'm doing it with a great group of people. If you haven't done plant-based medicine experiences, I highly recommend it, checking it out. If you're ever in Los Angeles, I can give you some details on it. And the plant-based medicine I use is psilocybin. It is like being on meditation on steroids. It is like meditation on steroids. It's also known as the God experience because you connect with parts of yourself through a release of chemicals in your brain that allows you to experience life in this beautiful, beautiful, harmonious experience. Now, for some of you, it could be a deep, dark, shadowy ride. I call it Mr. Toad's Riled Ride. If you have some serious shadow, some serious wounding, it can bring up all of the dark stuff in your life too, but that means it just needs to be healed. And plus, I just love communing with people. There's gonna be probably 10, 11, 12, 13 people total and it is just a great experience of really first going inward and then experiencing life through different tentacles, if you will. Anyway, that's just a personal share. I know I was vulnerable right there. Please don't use it against me. All right. How do I practice patience when I'm excited and for things to lead towards a committed relationship? I'm aware that I'm a pulsive and eager, but recognize this could jeopardize things. All right, Shirley, you're walking down a street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. You fall in, you're lost, you're helpless. It takes forever to walk, fall out. Number two, you're walking down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. You fall in, same thing happens, but as you say, it's not your fault. Chapter three of this is called My Autobiography in Three Short Chapters. I heard this from Wayne Dyer. Chapter three, you're walking down the same street. You see a deep hole in the sidewalk. You fall in, you're lost, you're helpless, but you take ownership of it. Takes you much quicker to get out. To get to chapter four, which means you walk down the street, there's a deep hole in the sidewalk and you walk around it, requires self-discipline. Folks are shiny, not Shirley, shiny. Self-discipline is catching yourself before you fall in. You have to be so hyper-focused and aware that the minute you fall in, or at least the minute you get there is you're gonna do everything in your power to do something different. So instead of hitting that text message, maybe you give yourself 10 minutes to rethink something. The minute you feel that impulsive, give yourself 10 minutes, maybe give yourself an hour. It's practice. There's an old saying, how do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice. You're going to have to practice over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. By the way, folks, you probably got tired of that, but that's how you get through it. It takes practice. By the way, Tina wants to let me know those 10 euros, so I'm sorry, I'm just, you know what, folks? I'm gonna share something very vulnerable with you all. You know, a school teacher once told me, third grade teacher told me I was stupid. And I tested very high for IQ. I was in third grade. And I feel like that deeply affected my trajectory in life. So I make grammatical errors all the time. I make faux pas. There's just too much fucking information in the world to just know everything. And when I make a mistake or I don't know something, my little wounded kid feels stupid. And it hurts, you know, that I didn't know that. Like you didn't do anything, Tina, I'm just sharing with you all that it hurt me. And I saw it, you know, I felt it. I'm just sharing with you what went on on the inside. The minute I saw you said euros, I'm like, why didn't I know that? And the little kid in me is like, you stupid, you know, like the school teacher telling you you're stupid. And I, working on it, I'm sharing with it publicly because I'm, you know, I don't wanna repress this feeling. But I would say every time I shoot a video, I make a faux pas, I make a grammatical error. I say something completely. I remember the other day I said something. I'm like, God, you know, like you didn't, you know, like I just feel inadequate. I don't feel enough. It's so hard to live in a world that expects perfection. Anyway, I'm sorry. I'm just being, you know what? I think it's probably time I wrap up. I'm gonna be doing my journey. I can work on my shit there. Folks, Shinee says thank you. I appreciate that. Roller girl says that teacher dumped her bad day on you. Yeah. Tina says you probably didn't spend enough time in Euroland, 10 euros or about $10. I have high IQ to high IQ, but I'm stupid when it comes to relationships. I'd like to think I have good EQ, okay? Hey, Christina, thank you so much for the message. I appreciate that. Oh, Renetta, thank you so much. I hugged that kid, yes. I'm gonna hug that little kid big time today. All right, folks, listen. Men will absolutely commit to you when these three things happen. First, he wants to be a husband. He's seeking a wife. He wants a life partner. Number two, he'll absolutely commit when he's all in and he wants to take care of you. And number three, he's in a state of gratitude. This is true for men and true for women alike. You're in these three spaces and when you're in these spaces, you can be ready for a fully committed, juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship. And I hope you found value from this video. If you did, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to the channel, post comments. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Hey, folks, I wanna thank Yvonne and Roller Girl and ask you, and oh, I forgot to give myself a first. Let me give myself a big, gigantic, Jonathan Barrow of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera even with my pit stains and give you a hug of love as well. I'm gonna ask you to turn to a friend, Pat, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Ronnie and Yvonne and Roller Girl and Love and Peace and Gigi and Christina Noel and Pickles and Renetta and Lisk and Tina and Lindsay, Digital Warrior and Shiny. Ms. D and Val, Valentin, Megan, Christy, Priya, Christine, Areta, Ms. Farley, I'm just butchering names. Everyone, big hugs. Thanks so much, bye now.