 For the safety of your smile, use pepsidon twice a day. See your dentist twice a year. Lever Brothers Company presents the pepsidon show My Friend Irma, created by Cy Howard and starring Marie Wilson as Irma with Joan Banks as Jane. Friendship, friendship, just a perfect friendship, when other friendships have been forgot, theirs will still be hot. These are the mirrors of the mind. That's why a good poker player can be holding a royal flush, yet when you look in his eyes you'd think there was nothing in his hand. I live with Irma Peterson and although she's not a poker player, when you look into her eyes you know there's nothing in her head. She's the sweetest and most wonderful person I know. It's just that sometimes she does things that, well, like the other morning when I sent her out to buy oranges, I said, Irma, are you sure these oranges aren't frostbitten? And Irma said, Of course not, Jane. There's no teeth marks on them. See what I mean? I'm perfectly relaxed and I'm reading the newspaper. Irma, listen to this. Boy of ten saves his four year old sister from burning building. I think that boy deserves a medal. And I think his sister deserves a spanking. Imagine a four year old girl going around burning buildings. No, sweetie, she had nothing to do with starting the fire. And believe me, that little boy deserves credit for risking his life. If more of us would think of others and try to help our fellow man, this would be a better world. Well, I'd like to agree with you, Jane, but it just doesn't always work. What do you mean? Well, the other money, I mean, the other morning I helped an old lady across the street, but she got mad at me. Got mad? Why? She didn't want to cross the street. She was waiting for a streetcar. It's only me, Professor Kropatsky. Hello, Jane, you know, my two little cupcakes, one topped with nuts, the other with nuts in her top. Excuse me, girls, a little joke I picked up from a baker. Why, Professor? See, how did you like that wonderful snow we had last night, Professor? Jane, I got a thrill watching it cover the trees. To me, it wasn't such a thrill. I had to watch it cover my bed. It's a shame that Mrs. O'Reilly hasn't done something about your room. Can't you do anything to convince her? I tried that, Jane. Last night I made a snowman in my room, so she raised my rent because I took in a border. Indeed for Mrs. O'Reilly, once in a while things would be different. This I have also tried. You remember when I invited her that time to the Gypsy Tea Room for dinner? Oh, yes, I remember, but she couldn't go then because she was sick. Why didn't you invite her again? What sense in asking her now? We are all out of arsenic. Yes, Richard. What? Yes, indeed. Oh, yes, Richard. Of course. Yes, Richard. Goodbye. Oh, Jane, I'm so happy for you. Congratulations. Congratulations on what? Well, didn't Richard just propose to you? Of course not. Well, then you certainly wasted an awful lot of yeses. No, honey, he didn't propose, but I'm closer to it than I ever was because, guess what? Richard has invited me to an informal dinner at their Long Island estate tonight. Oh, Jane, that's wonderful. Of course, we've all met, Mrs. Rhinelander. I just love their home. Imagine, 20 rooms, six baths, and a private elevator. I got 20 holes in the wall, six cracks. I haven't got an elevator, but when the wind blows, my whole room goes up and down. Well, naturally I'll wear my... Oh my goodness, my black strapless is at the cleaners. And I also have to do my hair. What'll I do? Well, you go down and get your dress from the cleaners while I stay here and do your hair. You know what you mean, sweetie. You'll get my dress, and I'll do my hair. And wait for me here. I want to take a pair of trousers to get pressed. Well, couldn't I take them for you? Well, you could, but I might catch cold before you get back. Goodbye, Jane and darling, and the best of luck tonight. Well, Stacy, let's see how your hair looks now. Hmm, it's not bad. Who is it? Richard. But I'm not ready. You're so early. I know, Jane, but I have to talk to you. Oh. I didn't want to barge in on you like this, but something's happened that changes our plans for this evening. Oh. You mean dinner at your house is called off? Yes, but I'm taking both you and my mother out to dinner. And Jane, I'd like to have you do what you can to snap mother out of it. She's feeling pretty low. Oh, isn't she feeling well? Oh, it's not her health. Well, her cook and the butler walked out on her and, you know, mother, that's a tragedy to mother. She's really desperate. Oh, I know how she must feel. Well, look, why don't you bring your mother by here for cocktails before dinner? Maybe I can help you cheer her up. That's a splendid idea, Jane. She's always had fun with you and Irma. We'll be by at seven. See ya. Bye, Richard. Hello. Oh, it's you. What do you want, Al? No, Irma will be right back. What? You've got three ice cream cones? Well, certainly you can bring them up here. Why do you ask? Oh, you want to know if we have the ice cream. Diamond Jim Brady, save your money. Goodbye. Here's your dress. Oh, thanks, honey. Do you have any trouble finding the place? No, but I wouldn't go there again. That man is a fraud. A fraud? The sign says French cleaning, but he can speak English just as good as we can. Oh, please, Irma, I've got other things on my mind. Oh, gosh, Jane, you seem so worried. Is there anything wrong? I'm sorry, honey. I was thinking about poor Mrs. Rhinelander. She's just lost her servants and she's desperate. Oh, that's terrible. The dinner had to be called off, naturally. Oh, that's too bad. So, I've invited Richard and Mrs. Rhinelander here for cocktails and we'll go out to dinner later. I'm going to do what I can to cheer her up and make her forget her troubles. Come in. Hello, Jane. Hiya, chicken. Girls, take a last look at the old Al. The next time you see me, I'll be a millionaire. Yes, sir, Al will stand for always loaded. Always stand for avoid labor. Hello, Jane, not when you hear about my new deal. Oh, no, no. What is it this time? Pumping up waffles and selling them for mattresses? Now, Jane, that wouldn't work. Too many people like to eat in bed. This deal is... How do you like that, Dame? Walks out when I'm ready to let her in on a real deal. Well, you must excuse her today, Al. She just had a terrible, terrible shock. What happened? It's a Rhinelander. She says they're desperate and their servants left. You mean they went broke? Well, they must be because Jane told me she's having them over here and drinks. Chicken, give this to me slow. Are you trying to tell me that the Rhinelanders have lost all their dough? Oh, I'm not a stupid person. I know what Jane told me. They're desperate. Hmm. Seems hard to believe. And yet could be. Lots of people's fortunes change overnight. Take me. One minute I'm broke. Next minute I'm in the unemployment line and everything is all right. No, but the rich can't live without money. Well, even when they die, they want it near them. Well, what makes you say that? I always read in the papers about some rich man being buried in a vault. Chicken, that's a different kind of a vault. It makes no difference, Al. The Rhinelanders are friends of Jane's and we've got to help them exist. Just imagine they have 20 rooms and six baths. The least we can do is give them a sandwich and some soap. Wait a minute, Chicken. I'm thinking. Desperate situation. Need help. And in a case like this, there's only one man to call. Who else? Who else, but hello, Joe. Got a problem. Some friends of mine have gone on the rocks. What can I do about it? What's that, Joe? You don't know anybody at Alcatraz? No, no, Joe. Don't mean that kind of a rock. Now these people are desperate and need help. What is my move? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Thank you, Joe, and goodbye, noble friend. What did Joe suggest, Al? We go to some charity organization and report the Rhinelanders need help immediately as they are starving. But Jane may not like that. We're doing what we think is best. And besides, we don't give our right names. Come on, Chicken, know just the place. The Bowery Helping Hand Society. Do they know you, Al? Know me? They've been supporting my family for years. Let's go. Oh, gosh, Al. If anybody were to tell the Rhinelanders that our first, their first food basket was given to them through our efforts, they wouldn't be able to eat. They'd be so choked up. Sister and you, too, Mr. Pepsidon. Pepsidon. We'll rescue you. Pepsidon, toothpaste. Fight, spill, mon teeth. And Pepsidon, toothpaste. Give, spill, mon teeth, the old skidoo. Don't think that you are safe from film. Put on the tip of your tongue over your teeth. If you feel a slippery coating, you have film. And you need Pepsidon with erium to remove it. For film is worse than you think. Film collects stains that make your teeth look dull. But remember, Pepsidon toothpaste removes film. Makes your teeth look bright. Film harbors germs that cause unpleasing breath. True, but Pepsidon removes film. Makes your breath fresh and clean. Film glues acid to your teeth. The very acid many dentists agree is the cause of tooth decay. That's right. But Pepsidon toothpaste removes film and the acids it contains. Film never lets up. It forms continually on your teeth. Yes, you have to fight film every day. So brush your teeth twice a day with Pepsidon toothpaste. Because no other toothpaste can duplicate Pepsidon's film-removing formula. No other toothpaste contains erium or Pepsidon's gentle polishing agent. So start now to fight film with Pepsidon. The toothpaste with an exclusive formula for removing film. Cheer up, sister and you too, Mr. Pepsidon. Pepsidon, the pace for you. This is my shopping. I have the olives for the martinis. Crackers for the hors d'oeuvres and cocktail napkins in case Mrs. Rhinelander wants to dry her tears. Cheer, anyone with all her money can get so panicky just because a couple of servants quit is really beyond me. Me, I'm different. If I had all that dough, nothing would bother me. Then, of course, I'd probably spend it like wildfire. I'd be the type to go to the first person I'd meet and say, Here, friend, here's a hundred dollars. You're a nuts lady, that's a street car transfer. I beg your pardon. After that, I decided to stop my daydreaming and get right home. Now you say the name of the needy family is Rhinelander. That's right, they're desperate. Of course, it was a great shock to us. We always thought they were loaded. Well, some people try to live beyond their means. Now, as far as you know, Miss Peterson, are there any delinquents in the family? Delinquents? Yes. Mr., we don't know too much about the family. We are just two angels of mercy. Very well, we'll investigate. Shall we mention your names as their sponsors? No, it might embarrass them. Just use any two names like Frankie and Johnny. Very well, Frankie and Johnny. We'll get right on the case. Good day, sir. Good day. Well, chicken, we've got all the organizations working for us. Now, Joe gave me the name of a guy who's a pushover for charity, and that's where you're coming. What do you mean, Al? Well, we get him on the phone and you give him a sob story. What should I say, Al? Well, you just tell him it would make you happy if he can see fit to throw some charity in the shape of a donation to a family who are at the breaking point. Got that straight, chicken? Oh, certainly, Al. Before we get him on the line, would you mind running over it once? For good will. All right, Al, let's see. It would make me happy to see you throw a fit, and my shape will be a donation for charity. No, chicken, we better forget it. I think the Rhinelanders have enough to remember as by as it is. Right, Frankie? Anything you say, Johnny? The charity institution in town is calling us up. They want to help us. Help you? Oh, Richard, it must be a mistake. Do they know who's responsible for this? They all say the same thing. Frankie and Johnny. If the phone would only stop ringing. Oh, that's terrible. Terrible, that's nothing. They want to know if my mother will take in laundry. Richard, that's fantastic. Well, come over right away. Bob just missed the funniest thing. What? Well, someone recommended the Rhinelanders for charity. Isn't that a laugh? He and Johnny. Rhinelanders will be here any minute, and I've got more shopping to do. I'll see you later. Chicken. You think maybe we made a mistake? Oh, Al, can't you see? She's just acting. It's her pride. You see, Richard has nothing now. Don't get you, chicken. She doesn't like it. She's covering up, and the Rhinelanders are trying to do the same thing. Of course, Al. You know, chicken, you're pretty clever. Oh, not really, Al. Yes, you are. Well, now that you mention it, I was thinking of giving my brain to science, but I understand it's a very delicate operation. I'm proud of you, chicken. And since we know the Rhinelanders are turning down these charities and the pride got to work direct. What do you mean, Al? We go out to our friends, collect a basket of stuff, and when the Rhinelanders get here, we surprise them. Let's go, chicken. We've got to work fast. All right, Al. Well, try Mrs. O'Reilly first. Family is in distress. Have you any food or old clothing you could... Well, you'd care to give? Well, no food, but I might have some clothing. I look in me trunk. Hello. I bring things for a needy family, Professor. And I think I have something in me trunk. Oh, yes. Here's a pair of riding breeches. I wore them one evening when I went moonlight riding on horseback with one of me bows. And he had to leave you suddenly because the British were coming. Irma, here's a bathrobe I wore when I was a girl. Oh, in those days, my figure was the talk of little old... A little old New Yorker certainly grown up. But don't feel too badly, Mrs. O'Reilly. Your figure has kept pace with it, including the suburbs. Canarsie ain't too bad, but what a younger you've got. That's enough out of you. What are you going to give Al and Irma for this needy family, Professor? Irma darling, let me see. I could give them my old overcoat, but then what would I use for a door? I could give them my old derby hat, but then what would I use to cook in? I could give them a pair of old shoes, but then I wouldn't have any decorations on the mantel pins. Here, they can always use money, so give them my last 50 cents. Oh, thank you, Professor. You're so sweet, but don't you think you'll need the money? No, I was saving it to see that new picture, the snake pit. Stop, stomach. Pour you another cocktail, Mrs. Rhineland. You've had such a harrowing day. Oh, thank you, Jane. You know, it was so complexing trying to figure out who this Frankie and Johnny could be. And then on top of that, I was having tea with Mrs. Van Clyde. When some man walked in, said he could get me a job in the restroom at the Pennsylvania station. Well, Mother, try to forget about it. I'm sure it's no one we know. Hello, everybody. Hi, you folk. Oh, El, I haven't seen either of you in ages. You both look wonderful. Thank you, Mrs. Rhinelander. Considering everything, you and your son, Richard, look almost normal. Irma! Oh, what I mean is that... Oh, don't explain, dear. I'm sure you mean well. Sure she does, Mrs. Rhinelander, and I would like to add my opinion. Let me just give you some advice. I want to see you laugh and face despite the scars and bruises of your collision with disaster. I beg your pardon. Relax, Mrs. Rhinelander. You are among friends. Chicken, bring in the basket. Basket? Yes. Here you are, Mrs. Rhinelander. The basket is for you. What? Yes, and I hope everything fits. Irma Peterson! Oh, no. Irma, you're not Frankie and Johnny. Well, that's us. Mrs. Rhineland, I don't... Maybe I best get mother home. She's hysterical. Oh, no, no, Richard, you can't. I mean, oh, Irma. Blast, Jane, I'm sorry. Sorry. You're always sorry. You were sorry the time you put Vaseline in my bathrobe because I said I wanted to slip into it because I said I felt like... Of course not. On the contrary, I'm pleased and flattered to think that Irma and Al would go out of their way to help me when they thought I was in trouble. Sit down, Irma dear. All right, Mrs. Rhineland. And you too, Al. Well, thank you, Al. Now, I would like to propose a toast. This is to you, Richard. You may travel the highway of life from Iceland to Mele or Burma, but never will you find a pair as loyal as Al and Irma. Well, that's very clever, mother. And now may I add another toast? This is to myself. You may travel the wide world over and interview each boy and each gal, but never will you find a pair who can louse you up like Irma and Al. You are safe from film. Nearly everyone has it. Just run your tongue over your teeth. If you feel a slippery coating, that's film, and you'd better get pepsidant toothpaste to remove it, for film collects stains that make teeth look dull. It harbors germs that cause unpleasing breath. Film glues acid to your teeth. The very acid that many dentists agree is the cause of tooth decay. And remember, film never lets up. So brush your teeth twice a day with film removing pepsidant. No other toothpaste can duplicate pepsidant's film removing formula. Get pepsidant with erium today. Cheer up, sister and you too, mister. Pepsidant, pepsidant, we'll rescue you. Pepe, pepe, pepsidant, toothpaste. Fights film on teeth and dreams breath too. Pepe, pepe, pepsidant, toothpaste. Gives film on teeth the old skiddoom. Landers back off relief. And the evening turned out to be quite delightful. But I'm still a little angry at Irma, and I think I should tell her off. Irma. Yes, Jane? Don't you think it's about time you showed a little more, well, intelligence? Oh, yes, Jane. From now on, I'm not going to do any more of those stupid things. Good night. Good night. Irma, what are you doing with that pail of water beside your bed? Well, the other night I dreamed I was a high diver and I fell out of bed this way. I have a place to land. Know something in or out of water if there's anyone who's all wet. It's my friend Irma. Irma is produced and directed by Cy Howard. Park Levy writes the script with Stanley Adams and Roland McClain, and it's brought to you by pepsidant toothpaste with Arium, another fine product of Lever Brothers Company. Marie Wilson is starred as Irma with Joan Banks as Jane. The part of Al was played by John Brown. Hans Conreed was heard as Professor Gropotkin and Gloria Gordon as Mrs. O'Reilly. Music was under the direction of Vlad Glossy. Ladies and gentlemen, help reduce traffic accidents this winter. When you drive, adjust your speed to road and weather conditions and keep your car in top-running shape. Pedestrians too should be extra careful. Remember, accidents don't always happen to someone else. This is Wendell Niles speaking. The RISK brisk flavor. That's what you get in Lipton tea. Yes, brisk flavor that picks you up brings you back alive in a hurry. Brisk flavor that comes from Lipton's very special blending of the finest orange pico and pico teas. Try it. You will find that this brisk flavor of Lipton's leaves you refreshed and ready to go again. And you can enjoy it often because even wonderful tea like Lipton's costs less than any drink except water. Always ask for Lipton tea, the brisk tea, with that heartwarming Lipton lift. Tune in one hour earlier next week and listen to the Lux Radio Theater followed by the pepsidon show My Friend Irma. This is CBS, The Columbia, and Gloria's consistent.