 Chapter 95 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle, Volume 2 by Tobias Smollett. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Chapter 95. The young gentleman is introduced to a virtuoso of the first order and commences Yelper. Chapter two Peregrine had professed himself an author without reaping the fruits of that occupation except the little fame he had acquired by his late satire. But now he thought at high time to weigh solid pudding against empty praise, and therefore engaged with some booksellers in a certain translation which he obliged himself to perform for the consideration of two hundred pounds. The articles of agreement being drawn he began his task with great eagerness, rose early in the morning to his work at which he labored all day long, went abroad with the bats in the evening, and appeared in the coffee house where he amused himself with the newspapers and conversation till nine o'clock. Then he retired to his own apartment, and after a slight repass but took himself to rest that he might be able to unroost with the cock. This sudden change from his former way of life agreed so ill with his disposition that for the first time he was troubled with flatulencees and indigestion which produced anxiety and dejection of spirits, and the nature of his situation began in some measure to discompose his brain, a discovery which he no sooner made than he had recourse to the advice of a young physician who was a member of the College of Authors at this time one of our hero's most intimate acquaintance. The son of Esculapius having considered his case imputed his disorder to the right cause namely want of exercise, dissuaded him from such close application to study until he should be gradually familiarized to a sedentary life, advised him to endure his friend in his bottle in moderation and weaned himself from his former customs by degrees and above all things to rise immediately after his first sleep and exercise himself in a morning's walk. In order to render this last part of their prescription the more palatable the doctor promised to attend in in these early excursions and even to introduce him to a certain personage of note who gave a sort of public breakfasting to the minor virtuosity of the age and often employed his interest in behalf of those who properly cultivated his countenance and approbation. This proposal was extremely acceptable to our young gentlemen who besides the advantage which might accrue to him from such a valuable connection foresaw much entertainment and satisfaction in the discourse of so many learned guests. The occasions of his health and interest more over coincided in another circumstance the minister's lovey being kept the times in the morning so that he could perform his walk yield his attendance and breakfast at this philosophical board without encroaching a great deal upon his other avocations. Measures being thus preconcerted the physician conducted our adventure to the house of this celebrated sage to whom he recommended him as a gentleman of genius and taste who craved the honor of his acquaintance. But he had previously smoothed the way to his introduction by representing peregrine as a young fellow of great ambition, spirit and address who could not fail to make a figure in the world that therefore he would be a creditable addition to the subordinates of such a patron and by his qualifications and trapidity and warmth of temper turn out a consummate herald of his fame. Upon these considerations he met with the most engaging reception from the entertainer who was a well-bred man of some learning, generosity and taste, but his foyboat was the desire of being thought the inimitable pattern of all three. It was with a view to acquire and support this character that his house was open to all those who had any pretensions to literature. Consequently he was surrounded by a strange variety of pretenders but none were discouraged because he knew that even the most insignificant might in some shape conduce to the propagation of his praise. A babbler that he cannot run upon the scent may spring the gain and by his yelping help to fill up the cry. No wonder then that a youth of Pickle's accomplishments was admitted and even invited into the pack. After having enjoyed a very short private audience in the closet, our young gentleman was shown into another room where half a dozen of his fellow adherents waited for the miscellaneous who in a few minutes appeared with the most gracious aspect, received the compliments of the morning and sat down to breakfast in the midst of them without any further ceremony. The conversation at first turned upon the weather which was investigated in a very philosophical manner by one of the company who seemed to have consulted all the barometers and thermometers that ever were invented before he would venture to affirm that it was a chill morning. This subject being accurately discussed the chief inquired about the news of the learned world and his inclination was no sooner expressed than every guest opened his mouth in order to ratify his curiosity but he that first captivated his attention was a meager shriveled antiquary who looked like an animated mummy which had been scorched among the sands of the desert. He told the patron that he had by accident met with a medal which though it was defaced by time he would venture to pronounce a genuine antique from the ringing and taste of the medal as well as from the color and composition of the rust. So saying he produced a piece of copper coin so consumed and disguised by age that scares the vestige of the impression was to be perceived. Nevertheless this connoisseur pretended to distinguish a face and profile from which he concluded that the piece was of the upper empire and on the reverse endeavor to point out the bulb of the spear and part of the parazonium which were the insignia of the roman virtues together with the fragment of one fold of the multicum in which she was clothed. He likewise had discovered an angle of the letter in and at some distance the entire eye from the circumstances conjecturing and indeed concluding that the medal was struck by Severus in honor of the victory he obtained over his rival Niger after he had forced the passes of Mount Taurus. This criticism seemed very satisfactory to the entertainer who having examined the coin by the help of his spectacles plainly discerned the particulars which the owner had mentioned and was pleased to term his account of the matter a very ingenious explanation. The curiosity was circulated through the hands of all present and every virtuoso in his turn licked the copper and rung it upon the heart declaring his assent to the judgment which had been pronounced. A link that fell under the inspection of our young gentleman who though no antiquarian was very well acquainted with the current coin of his own country and no sooner cast his eyes upon the valuable antique than he affirmed without hesitation that it was no other than the ruins of an English farthing and that same spear, parazonium, and malticum, the remains of the emblems and drapery with which the figure of Britannia is delineated on our copper money. This hearty asseveration seemed to disconcert the patron while it incensed the medalist to grinning like an enraged baboon. What do you tell me of a brass farthing? Said he, did you ever know modern brass of such a relish? Do you taste it young gentleman? And sure I am, if you have ever been conversant with subject of this kind you will find as wide a difference in the savour between this and an English farthing as can possibly be perceived, betwixt, and on your nana turn it. Besides this medal has the true Corinthian ring, then the attitude is upright whereas that of Britannia is reclining and how is it possible to mistake a branch of palm for a parazonium? All the rest of the company espoused the virtuoso sight of the question because the reputation of each was concerned, the patron finding himself in the same circumstance assumed a solemnity of feature dashed with a small mixture of displeasure and told peregrine that as he had not made that branch of literature his particular study he was not surprised to see him mistaken in his opinion. Pickle immediately understood the reproof though he was shocked at the vanity or infatuation of his entertainer and fellow guests as pardoned for his presumption which was accordingly excused in consideration of his inexperience and the English farthing was dignified with the title of a true antique. The next person that addressed himself to the chief was a gentleman of a very mathematical turn who valued himself upon the improvements he had made in several domestic machines and now presented the plan of a new contrivance for cutting cabbages in such a manner as would secure the stock against the rotting rain and enable it to produce a plenteous after crop of delicious sprouts. In this important machine he had united the whole mechanic powers with such massy complication of iron and wood that it could not have been moved without the assistance of a horse and a road made for the convenience of the draft. These objections were so obvious that they occurred at first sight to the inspector general who greatly commended the invention which he observed might be applied to several other useful purposes. Could it once be rendered a little more portable and comodious? The inventor had not foreseen these difficulties was not prepared to surmount them but he took the hint in good part and promised to task his abilities anew in altering the construction of his design. Not but that he underwent some severe irony from the rest of the virtue OC who complimented him upon the momentous improvement he had made by which the family might save a dish of greens in a quarter for so trifling an expense as that of purchasing working and maintaining such a stupendous machine. But no man was ever more sarcastic in his remarks upon this piece of mechanism than the naturalist who next appealed to the patron's approbation for a curious disposition he had made touching the procreation of muck flies in which he had laid down a curious method of collecting preserving and hatching the eggs of these insects even in the winter by certain modifications of artificial heat. The nature of this discovery was no sooner communicated than peregrine unable to contain himself was seized with a fit of laughter which infected every person at the table the landlord himself not accepting who found it impossible to preserve his wanted gravity of face. Such a mannerly mirth did not fail to mortify the philosopher who after some pause during which indignation and disdain were painted in his countenance represented our young gentleman for his unphilosophical behavior and undertook to prove that the subject of his inquiry was of infinite consequence to the progress and increase of natural knowledge but he found no quarter from the ventral engineer who now retorted his ironical compliments with great emphasis upon this hotbed for the generation of vermin and advised him to lay the whole process before the royal society which would doubtless present him with a medal and give him a place among their memoirs as a distinguished promoter of the useful arts if said he you had employed your studies and finding out some effectual method to destroy those insects which prejudice and anort mankind in all probability you must have been contented with the contemplation of the good you had done but this curious expedient for multiplying maggots will surely entail you to an honorable rank in the list of learned philosophers i don't wonder replied the naturalist that you should be so much averse to the propagation of insects because in all likelihood you are afraid that they will not leave you a cabbage to cut down with the same miraculous machine sir answered the mechanic with great bitterness of voice and aspect if the cabbage be as lightheaded as some muckworm philosophers it will not be worth cutting down i never dispute upon cabbage with the son of a cucumber said the fly breeder alluding to the pedigree of his antagonist who in page two of the affront started up with fury in his looks exclaiming since death meaning me sir here the patron perceiving things drawing towards a rupture interposed his authority rebuking them for their intemperance and recommending to them amity and concord against the goss and vandals of the age who took all opportunities of ridiculing and discouraging the adherence of knowledge and philosophy after this exhortation and they had no pretense for carrying on the dispute which was dropped in all appearance though the mechanic still retained his resentment and after breakfast when the company broke up a cost of his adversary in the street desiring to know how he durst be so insolent as to make that scurrilous reflection upon his family the fly fancier thus questing to accuse the mathematician of having been the aggressor in likening his head to a light cabbage and you're the altercation being renewed the engineer proceeded to the illustration of his mechanics tilting up his hand like a balance thrusting it forward by way of lever embracing the naturalist nose like a wedge betwixt two of his fingers and turning around with the momentum of a screw or a paratrochium had they been obliged to decide the dispute with equal arms the assailant would have had great advantage over the other he was very much his inferior in muscular strength but the philosopher being luckily provided with a cane no sooner disengaged himself from this appropriate application than he handled his weapon with great dexterity about the head and shoulders of his antagonist who finding the shower blows very disagreeable was feigned to be take himself to his heels for shelter and was pursued by the angry victor who chased him from one end of the street to the other affording unspeakable satisfaction to the multitude as well as to our hero and to his introductory who were spectators of the whole scene thus was our adventure initiated into the society of yelpers though he did not as yet fully understand the nature of his office which was explained by the young physician who jid him for his blunt behavior in the case of the metal and gave him to understand that their patron's favor was neither to be gained nor preserved by any man that would pretend to convict him of a mistake he therefore counseled him to respect this foible and cultivate the old gentleman with all the zeal and veneration which a regard to his own character would permit him to say this task was the easier to one of our young gentleman's client disposition because the virtuoso's behavior was absolutely free from that insolent self-conceit which he could not bear without disgust the senior was on the contrary mild and beneficent and picker was rather pleased and shocked at his weakness because it flattered his vanity with the supposition of his own superior sense cautioned in this manner peregrine profited so much by his insinuating qualifications that in a very little time he was looked upon as one of the chief favorites of the patron to whom he dedicated a small occasional poem and everybody believed he would reap the fruits of his attachment among the first of the old gentleman's dependence end of chapter ninety five chapter ninety six of the adventures of peregrine pickle volume two by Tobias Smollett this leverbox recording is in the public domain chapter ninety six peregrine finding himself neglected by sir steady stairwell expostulates with him in a letter in consequence of which he is forbid his house loses his pension and incurs the charge of lunacy this prospect of success together with his expectations from the minister whom he did not neglect helped to comfort him under the reverse of fortune which he had undergone and the uncertainty of the lawsuit which he still maintained for the recovery of his 10 000 pounds the lawyers indeed continued to drain his pocket of money while they filled his brain with unsubstantial hope and he was actually obliged to borrow money from his bookseller on the strength of the translation in order to satisfy the demands of those ravenous harpies rather than lay the misanthrope under any difficulties or have recourse to his friend hatchway who lived at the garrison entirely ignorant of his distress this was not at all alleviated by the arrival of the india man in which he had ventured 700 pounds as we have already observed for he was given to understand that the borrower was left dangerously ill at bombay when the ship sailed and that his chance for retrieving his money was extremely slender so situated is is not to be supposed that he led a life of tranquility though he made a shift to struggle with the remonstrances of misfortune yet such a gush of affliction would sometimes rush upon his thought as overwhelmed all the ideas of his hope and sunk him to the very bottom of despondence every equippage that passed him in the street every person of rank and fortune that occurred to his view recalled the gay images of his former life was such mortifying reflection as stabbed him to the very soul he lived therefore incessantly exposed to all the pangs of envy and disquiet when i say envy i do not mean that sordid passion in consequence of which a man repimes at his neighbor's success however deserved but that self tormenting indignation which is inspired by the prosperity of folly ignorance and vice without the intervening gleams of enjoyment which he felt in the conversation of a few friends he could not have supported his existence or at least he must have suffered some violent discomposure of the brain but one is still finding some circumstance of alleviation even in the worst of conjunctures and pickle was so ingenious in these researches that he maintained a good battle with disappointment till the revolution of the torment which he had received his pension of 300 pounds however seeing the day elapsed without touching his allowance not withstanding his significant method of presenting himself at the minister's levy when the year was expired he wrote a letter to sir steady reminding him of his situation and promise and giving him to understand that his occasions were such as compelled him to demand his salary for the ensuing year in the morning after this letter was conveyed the author went to his honor's house in expectation of being admitted by a particular order but was mistaken in his hope the minister not being visible he then made his appearance at the levy in hopes of being closeted but though he took all opportunities of watching sir steady's eyes he could not obtain one glance and had the pleasure of seeing him retire without being favored with the least notice these circumstances of willful neglect were not over and above agreeable to our young hero who in the agonies of vexation and resentment went home and composed the most acrimonious remonstrance to his honor in consequence of which he was not only deprived of all pretensions to a private audience but expressly denied admittance on a public day by sir steady's own order this prohibition which announced his total ruin filled him with rage horror and despair he insulted the porter who signified the minister's command threatening to chastise him upon the spot for his presumption and prevented the most virulent implications upon his master to the astonishment of those who chance to enter during this conference having exhausted himself in these vain exclamations he returned to his lodgings in a most frantic condition biting his lips so that the blood ran from his mouth dashing his head and fists against the sides of his chimney and weeping with the most bitter expressions of woe pipes whose perception had been just sufficient to let him see that there was some difference between the present and former situation of his master overhearing his transports essay to enter his apartment with a view of administering consolation and finding the door locked on the inside desired admittance protesting that otherwise he would down with the bulkhead in the turning of a hand spike peregrine ordered him to retire on pain of his displeasure and swore that if he should offer to break open the door he would instantly shoot him through the head tom without paying the least regard to this injunction set himself at work immediately his master exasperated at his want of reverence and respect which in his present paroxysm appeared with the most provoking aggravation flew into his closet and snatching up one of his pistols already loaded no sooner saw his valet enter the apartment in consequence of having forced the lock than he presented it full at his face and drew the trigger happily the priming flashed in the pan without communicating with the charge so that his furious purpose did not take effect upon the countenance of honest pipes who disregardful of the attempt though he knew the contents of the piece asked without the least alteration of feature if it must be foul weather through the whole voyage peregrine mad as he was repented of his mischievous intent against such a faithful adherent in the very moment of execution and had it proved fatal according to the design in all probability he would have applied another to his own head there are certain considerations that strike upon the mind with irresistible force even in the midst of its distraction the momentary recollection of some particular scene occasioned by the features of the devoted victim had often struck the dagger from the assassin's hand by such an impulse was pipes protected from any repeated effort of his master's rage the friendly cause of his present disobedience flashed upon the conviction of peregrine when he beheld the rugged front of his valet in which also stood disclosed his long and faithful service together with the recommendation of the deceased Commodore though his wrath was immediately suppressed and his heart torn with remorse for what he had done his brows remain still contracted and darting a most ferocious regard at the intruder villain said he how dare you treat me with such disrespect why shouldn't I lend a hand for the preservation of the ship answer the unruffled pipes when there is more sail than balance to board and the pilot quits the helm in despair what signifies one or two broken voyages so long as our timbers are strong and our vessel in good trim if she loses upon one tack may have she may gain upon tether and I'll be darned if one day or other we don't fetch up our leeway as for the matter of provision you have started a pretty good stock of money into my hold and you are welcome to hoist it up again when you will here Tom is interrupted by the arrival of Mr Crabtree who's seeing peregrine with a pistol in his hand and such wild disorder in his looks his head hands and mouth besmeared with blood and moreover smelling the gunpowder which had been burnt actually believed he had either committed or was bent upon murder and accordingly retreated downstairs with infinite dispatch all this speed could not convey him without the reach of pipes who overtaking him in his passage carried him back into his master's apartment observing by the way that this was no time to shear off when his consort stood in need of his assistance there was something so ruefully severe in the countenance of Cad Wallader thus compelled that at any other time our hero would have laughed at his concern but at the present there was nothing reasonable in his disposition yet however laid aside his pistol and endeavored though in vain to compose his internal disturbance for he could not utter one syllable to the missing throat but stood staring at him in silence with the most delirious aspect this did not tend to dispel this may of his friend who after some recollection I wonder said he that you have never killed your man before pray how may you have disposed of the body Pickle having recovered the faculty of speech ordered his lackey out of the room and in the most incoherent detail made crabtree acquainted with the perfidious conduct of the minister the confidant was very glad to find his fears disappointed for he had really concluded that some life was lost perceiving the youth too much agitated to be treated by him in his usual style he owned that sir steady was a rascal and encouraged Pickle with the hope of being one day able to make reprisals upon him in the meantime offered him money for his immediate occasions exorted him to exert his own qualifications in rendering himself independent of such miscreants and finally counseled him to represent his wrongs to the noblemen whom he had formally obliged with a view of interesting that peer in his behalf or at least of obtaining a satisfactory explanation from the minister that he might take no premature measures of revenge these admonitions were so much milder and more agreeable than our hero expected from the misanthrope that they had a very favorable effect upon his transports which gradually subsided until he became so tractable as to promise that he would conform to his advice in consequence of which he next morning waited upon his lordship who received him very politely as usual and with great patience heard his complaint which by the by he could not repeat without some hasty ebullitions of passionate resentment this peer after having gently disapproved of the letter of expostulation which had produced such unfortunate effects kindly undertook to recommend his case to the minister and actually performed his promise that same day when sir steady informed him to his utter astonishment that the poor young gentleman was disordered in his brain so that he could not possibly be provided for in a place of importance with any regard to the service and it could not be expected that he sir steady would support his extravagance from his own private purse that he had indeed at the solicitation of a noblemen deceased made him a president of 300 pounds in consideration of some loss that he pretended to have sustained in an election but since that time had perceived in him such indisputable marks of lunacy both by his distracted letters and personal behavior has obliged him to give order that he should not be admitted into the house to corroborate this assertion the minister actually called in the evidence of his own porter and one of the gentleman of his household who had heard the execrations that escaped our youth when he first found himself excluded in short the noblemen was convinced that peregrine was certainly a bona fide mad as a march hare and by the help of this intimation began to recollect some symptoms of distraction which appeared in his last visit he remembered a certain incoherence in his speech a violence of gesture and wildness of look but now evidently denoted a disturbed understanding and he determined for his own credit and security to disentangle himself from such a dangerous acquaintance with his view he in imitation of cert study commanded his gate to be shut against our adventurer so that when he went to know the result of his lordship's conference with the minister the door was flung in his face and the janitor told him through an iron grate that he needed not to give himself the trouble of calling again for his lord desired to be excused from seeing him he spoke not a word in answer to this declaration which he immediately imputed to the ill officers of the minister against whom he breathed defiance and revenge in his way to the lodgings of Cadwallader who being made acquainted with that manner of his reception begged he would desist from all schemes of vengeance until he, crabtree, should be able to unriddle the mystery of the whole which he did not doubt of unveiling by means of his acquaintance with a family in which his lordship often spent the evening at wist it was not long before he had the desired opportunity the nobleman being under no injunctions or obligation to keep the affair secret discovered the young gentleman's misfortune by way of news to the first company in which he happened to be and Pairgrine's name was not so obscure in the fashionable world but that his disorder became the general topic of conversation for a day so that his friend soon partook of the intelligence and found means to learn the particulars of the minister's information as above related nay he was in danger of becoming a proselyte to sir steady's opinion when he recalled and compared every circumstance which he knew of Pickle's impatience and impatuosity indeed nothing more easily gains credit than an imputation of madness fixed upon any person whatsoever for when the suspicion of the world is roused and its observation once said it were the wisest the coolest man upon earth will by some particulars in his behavior convict himself of the charge every singularity in his dress and manner and such are observable in every person that before past unheeded now rises up in judgment against him with all the exaggeration of the observer's fancy and the sagacious examiner perceives distraction in every glance of the eye turn of the finger and motion of the head when he speaks there is a strange peculiarity in his argument and expression when he holds his tongue his imagination teams with some extravagant reverie his sobriety of demeanor is no other than a lucid interval and his passion mere delirium if people of the most sedate and insipid life and conversation are subject to such criticisms no wonder that they should take place upon a youth of peregrine's fiery disposition which on some occasions would have actually justified any remarks of this kind which his greatest enemies could make he was accordingly represented as one of those enterprising bucks who after having spent their fortunes in right and excess are happily bereft of their understanding and consequently insensible of the want and disgrace which they have entailed upon themselves Cadwallader himself was so much affected with the report that for some time he hesitated in his deliberations upon our hero before he could prevail upon himself to communicate to him the information he have received or to treat him in other respects as a man of sound intellects at length however he ventured to make pickle acquainted with the particulars he had learned imparting them with such caution and circumlocution as he felt necessary to prevent the young gentlemen from transgressing all bounds of temper and moderation but for once he was agreeably deceived in his prognostic incensed as our hero was at the conduct of the minister he could not help laughing at the ridiculous aspersion which he told his friend he would soon refute in a manner that should not be very agreeable to his cal lumbniator observing that it was a common practice with the state pilot thus to slander those people to whom he lay under obligations which he had no mind to discharge true it is that peregrine he has succeeded more than once in contrivances of this kind having actually reduced diverse people of weak heads to such extremity of despair as hath issued in downright distraction whereby he was rid of their importunities and his judgment confirmed at the same time but I have now thank heaven attained to such a pitch a philosophical resolution as will support me against all his machinations and I will forthwith exhibit the monster to the public in his true liniments of craft, perfidy and ingratitude this indeed was the plan with which Mr. Pickle had amused himself during the researches of crabtree and by this time it so effectively flattered his imagination that he believed he should be able to bring his adversary in spite of all his power to his own terms of submission by distinguishing himself in the list of those who at that period wrote against the administration nor was this scheme so extravagant as it may seem to be had not he overlooked one material circumstance which had Walleter himself did not recollect when he approved of this project while he thus meditated vengeance the fame of his disorder in due course of circulation reached the ears of that lady of quality whose memoirs have already appeared in these adventures the correspondence with which he had honored our hero had been long broke off for the reason already advanced namely his dread of being exposed to her infatuating charms he had been candid enough to make her acquainted with the cause of exiling himself from her presence and she admitted the prudence of self restraint although she would have very well satisfied with the continuance of his intimacy and conversation which were not at all beneath the desire of any lady in the kingdom notwithstanding this interruption she still retained a friendship in regard for his character and felt all the affliction of a humane heart at the news of his misfortunes and deplorable distemper she had seen him courted and cultivated in the sunshine of his prosperity but she knew from sad experience how all those insect followers shrink away in the winter of distress her compassion represented him as a poor unhappy lunatic destitute of all the necessaries of life dragging about the ruins of human nature and exhibiting the spectacle of blasted youth to the scorn and apporance of his fellow creatures aching with these charitable considerations she found means to learn in what part of the town he lodged and laying aside all superfluous ceremony went in a hackneyed chair to his door which was opened by the ever faithful pipes her ladyship immediately recollected the features of his trusty followers whom she could not help loving in her heart for his attachment and fidelity which after she had applauded with the most gracious commendation she kindly inquired after the state of his master's health and asked if he was in a condition to be seen Tom, who could not suppose that the visit of a fine lady would be unacceptable to a youth of peregrine's complexion made no verbal reply to the question of beckoning her ladyship with an arched significance of feature at which she could not for bare smiling walked softly upstairs and she in obedience to the signal followed her guide into the apartment of our hero whom she found at a writing table in the very act of composing a eulogium upon his good friend Sir Steady the nature of his work had animated his countenance with an uncommon degree of avacity and being dressed in a neat desabeal his figure could not have appeared to more advantage in the eye of a person who despised the tinsel of unnecessary ornament she was extremely well pleased to see her expectations so agreeably disappointed for instead of the squalid circumstances and wretched looks attending indigence and distraction everything was decent and gentile and the patient's aspect such as betokened internal satisfaction hearing the rustling of silk in his room he looked it up his eyes from the paper and seeing her ladyship was struck with astonishment and awe as at the unexpected apparition of some supernatural being before he could recollect himself from his confusion which called the blood into his cheeks she told him that on the strength of old acquaintance she was come to visit him though it was a long time since he had given her good reason to believe he had absolutely forgot that there was such a person as she in being after having made the most warm acknowledgements for this unforeseen honor he assured her ladyship that the subject of her reproach was not his fault but rather his very great misfortune and that if it had been in his power to forget her so easily as she seemed to imagine he should never have given her cause to tax him with want of duty and respect still dubious of his situation she began to converse with him on different subjects and he acquitted himself so well in every particular that she no longer doubted his having been misrepresented by the malice of his enemies and candidly told him the cause and intent of her coming he was not deficient in expressions of gratitude for this instance of her generosity and friendship which even drew tears from his eyes as to the imputation of madness he explained it so much to her ladyship's satisfaction that she evidently perceived he had been barbarously dealt with and that the charge was no other than a most villainous aspersion notwithstanding all his endeavors to conceal the true state of his finances it was impossible for him to give this detail without disclosing some of the difficulties under which he labored and her ladyship's sagacity dividing the rest she not only made him a tender of assistance but presenting a bank note for a considerable sum insisted upon his acceptance of it as a trifling mark of her esteem and a specimen of what she was inclined to do in his behalf but this mark of her benevolence he would by no means receive assuring her that though his affairs were at present a little perplexed he had never felt the least circumstance of distress and begging that she would not subject him to the burden of such an unnecessary obligation being obliged to put up with this refusal she protested she would never forgive him should she ever hear that he rejected her offer when he stood in need of her aid or if in any time to come he should not apply to her friendship if ever he should find himself incommodated in point of fortune and over delicacy in this respects that she I shall look upon as a disapprobation of my own conduct because I myself have been obliged to have recourse to my friends in such emergencies these generous remonstrances and marks of particular friendship could not fail to make a deep impression upon the heart of our hero which still smarted from the former impulse of her charms he not only felt all those transports which a man of honor and sensibility may be supposed to feel upon such an occasion but the sentiments of a more tender passion awaking in his breast he could not help expressing himself in terms adapted to the emotion of his soul and at length plainly told her that where he disposed to be a beggar he would ask something of infinitely more importance to his speech than that charitable assistant she had proffered her ladyship had too much penetration to mistake his meaning but as she did not choose to encourage his advances pretended to interpret his intimation into a general compliment of gallantry and in a Jaco's manner desired he would not give her any reason to believe his lucid interval was passed in faith my lady said he I perceive the fit coming on and I don't see why I may not use the privilege of my distemper so far as to declare myself one of your most passionate admirers if you do reply her ladyship I shall not be fool enough to believe a mad man unless I were sure that your disorder proceeded from your love and that this was the case I suppose you will find it difficult to prove nay madam cried the youth I have in this drawer what will convince you of my having been mad on that string and since you doubt my pretension you must give me leave to produce my testimonials so saying he opened an escoutoir and taking out a paper presented her with the following song which he had written in her praise immediately after he was made acquainted with the particulars of her story one while with fond rapture and amaze on diet transcendent charms I gaze my cautious soul essays in vain her peace and freedom to maintain yet let that blooming form divine where grace and harmony combine those eyes like genial orbs that move dispensing gladness joy and love in all their pompous hail my view intent my bosom to subdue my breast by wary maxim steeled not those charms shall force to yield to but when invoked to beauty's aid I see the enlightened soul displayed that soul so sensibly sedate amid the storms of forward fate thy genius act is strong and clear thy wit sublime though not severe the social ardor void of art that glows within thy candid heart my spirit sense and strength decay my resolution dies away and every faculty oppressed almighty love invades my breast her ladyship having perused this production where I inclined to be suspicious as she I should believe that I had no share in producing this composition which seems to have been inspired by much more amiable object however I will take your word for your intention and thank you for the unmerited compliment though I have met with it in such an accidental manner nevertheless I must be so free to tell you it is now high time for you to contract that unbounded spirit of gallantry which you have indulged so long into a sincere attachment for the fair Emilia who by all accounts deserves the hold of your attention and regard his nerves thrilled that mention of that name which he never heard pronounced without agitation rather than undergo the consequence of a conversation upon this subject he chose to drop the theme of love all together and industriously introduce some other topic of discourse end of chapter 96 chapter 97 of the adventures of peregrine pickle volume 2 by Tobias Smollett this Lieberbach's recording is in the public domain chapter 97 he writes against the minister by whose instigation he is arrested and moves himself by habeas corpus into the fleet my lady having prolonged her stay beyond the period of a common visit and repeated her protestations in the most frank and obliging manner took her leave of our adventurer who promised to pay his respects to her in a few days at her own house meanwhile he resumed his task and having finished the most severe remonstrance against surresteady not only with regard to his private ingratitude but also to his maladministration of public affairs he sent it to the author of a weekly paper who had been long a professed reformer in politics and it appeared in a very few days with a note of the publisher desiring the favor of further correspondence with the author the animad versions contained in this small essay were so spirited and judicious and a great many new lights thrown upon the subject with such perspicuity as attracted the notice of the public in an extraordinary manner and helped to raise the character of the paper in which it was inserted the minister was not the last to examine the performance which in spite of all his boasted temper provoked him to such a degree that he set his emissaries at work and by dint of corruption procured a site of the manuscript in Peregrine's own handwriting which he immediately recognized but for further confirmation of his opinion he compared it with the two letters which he had received from our adventurer had he known the young gentleman's talents for declamation were so acute perhaps he would never have given him cause to complain but employed him in the vindication of his own measures now he might still have treated him like some other authors whom he had brought over from the opposition had not the keenness of this first assault and sensed him to a desire of revenge he therefore no sooner made this discovery than he conveyed his directions to his dependent the receiver general who was possessed of Pickle's notes next day while our author stood within a circle of his acquaintance at a certain coffee house holding forth with great eloquence upon the diseases of the state he was accosted by a bailiff who entering the room with five or six followers told him aloud that he had a rift against him for twelve hundred pounds at the suit of Mr. Ravage Gleenam the whole company were astonished at this address which did not fail to discompose the defendant himself who as it were instinctively in the midst of his confusion saluted the officer across the head with his cane in consequence of which application he was surrounded and disarmed in an instant by the gang who carried him off to the next tavern in the most appropriate manner nor did one of the expectators interpose in his behalf or visit him in his confinement with the least tender of advice or assistance such as the zeal of coffee house friendship this stroke was the more severe upon our hero as it was altogether unexpected for he had utterly forgot the debt for which he was arrested his present indignation was however chiefly kindled against the bailiff who had done his office in such a disrespectful manner and the first use he made of his recollection and the house to which they conducted him was to chastise him for the insolence and indecency of his behavior this task he performed with his bare fists every other weapon being previously conveyed out of his reach and the delinquent underwent his discipline with surprising patience and resignation asking pardon with great humility and protesting before God that he had never willingly unwittingly used any gentleman with ill manners but had been commanded to arrest our adventure according to the express direction of the creditor on pain of forfeiting his place by this declaration peregrine was appeased and out of a delirium of passion waked to all the horrors of reflection all the glory of his youth was now eclipsed all the blossoms of his hope were blasted and he saw himself doomed to the miseries of a jail without the least prospect of enlargement except in the issue of his lawsuit of which he had for a sometime past grown less and less confident every day what would become of the unfortunate if the constitution of the mind did not permit them to bring one passion into the field against another passions that operate in the human breast like poisons of a different nature extinguishing each other's effect our hero's grief reigned in full despotism until it was deposed by revenge during the predominancy of which he considered everything which had happened as a circumstance conducive to its gratification if I must be prisoner for life said he to himself if I must relinquish all my gay expectations let me at least have the satisfaction of clanking my chains so as to interrupt the repose of my adversary and let me search in my own breast for that peace and contentment which I have not been able to find in all the scenes of my success in being detached from the world I shall be delivered from falling and in gratitude as well as exempted from an expense which I should have found a very difficult if not impracticable to support I shall have little or no temptation to misspend my time and more undisturbed opportunity to earn my subsistence and prosecute revenge after all the jail is the best hub to which a cynic philosopher can retire in consequence of these comfortable reflections he sent a letter to Mr. Crabtree with an account of his misfortune signifying his resolution to move himself immediately into the fleet and desiring that he would send some understanding attorney of his acquaintance who would direct him into the steps necessary to be taken for that purpose the misanthrope upon the receipt of this intimation sent in person to a lawyer whom he accompanied to the sponging house with the prisoner had by this time retired peregrine was under the auspices of his director conducted to the judge's chamber Ray was left in the custody of a tip staff and after having paid for a warrant of habeas corpus by him conveyed to the fleet and delivered to the care of the warden Harry was introduced to the lodge in which he was obliged to expose himself a full half power to the eyes of all the turn keys and doorkeepers who took an accurate survey of his person that they might know him again at first sight and then he was turned loose into the place called the master's site having given a valuable consideration for that privilege this is a large range of building containing some hundreds of lodging rooms for the convenience of the prisoners who pay so much per week for that accommodation in short this community is like a city detached from all communication with the neighboring parts regulated by its own laws and furnished with peculiar conveniences for the use of the inhabitants there's a coffee house for the resort of gentlemen in which all sorts of liquors are kept in a public kitchen where any quantity of meat is sold at a very reasonable rate or any kind of provision boiled and roasted gratis for the poor prisoners now there are certain servants of the public who are obliged to go to market at the pleasure of individuals without fee or reward from those who employ them nor are they cooped up so as to be excluded from the benefit of fresh air there being an open area of a considerable extent adjacent to the building on which they may exercise themselves and walking skittles bowls and a variety of other diversions according to the inclination of each our adventure being admitted a denizen of this community found himself bewildered in the midst of strangers who by their appearance did not at all pre-possess him in their favor and after having strolled about the place with his friend Kat Walleter prepared to the coffee house in order to be further informed of the peculiar customs which was necessary for him to know there while he endeavored to pick up intelligence from the barkeeper he was accosted by a person and canonicals who very civilly asked if he was a newcomer being answered in the affirmative he gave him the salutations of welcome to the society and with great hospitality undertook to initiate him in the constitutions of the brotherhood this humane clergyman gave him to understand that his first care ought to be that of securing a lodging telling him there was a certain number of apartments in the prison let at the same price those some were more commodious than others and that when the better sort became vacant by the removal of their possessors those who succeeded in point of seniority had the privilege of occupying the empty tenements preferable to the rest of the inhabitants howsoever respectable they might otherwise be that when the jail was very much crowded there was but one chamber allotted for two lodges but this was not considered as any great hardship on the prisoners because in that case there was always a sufficient number of males who willingly admitted the females to a share in their apartments and beds not but the time had been when this expedient would not answer the occasion because after a couple had been courted in every room there was a considerable residue still and provided with lodging so that for the time being the last comers were obliged to take up their habitation in mount scoundrel an apartment most miserably furnished in which they lay promiscuously amidst filth and vermin until they could be better accommodated in due course of rotation peregrine hearing the description of this place began to be very impatient about his night's lodging and the person perceiving his anxiety conducted him without loss of time to the warden who forthwith put him in possession of a paltry chamber for which he agreed to pay half a crown a week this point being settled his director gave him an account of the different methods of eating either singly in a mess or at an ordinary and advised him to choose the last as the most reputable offering to introduce him next day to the best company in the fleet who always dined together in public pickle having thanked this gentleman for his civilities and promise to be governed by his advice invited him to pass the evening at his apartment and in the meantime shut himself up with crab treats in order to deliberate upon the wreck of his affairs of all his ample fortune nothing now remained but his wardrobe which was not very sumptuous about 30 guineas in cash and the garrison which the misanthrope counseled him to convert into ready money for his present subsistence this advice however he absolutely rejected not only on account of his having already bestowed it upon hatchway during the term of his natural life but also with the view of retaining some memorial of the commodore's generosity he proposed therefore to finish in this retreat the translation which he had undertaken and earned his future subsistence by labor of the same kind he desired cadwalleter to take charge of his movables and send to him such linen and clothes as he should have occasion for in his confinement but among all his difficulties nothing embarrassed him so much as his faithful pipes whom he could no longer entertain in his service a new tom had made shift to pick up a competency in the course of his administration but that reflection though it in some measure alleviated could not wholly prevent the mortification he should suffer imparting with an affectionate adherent who was by this time become as necessary to him as one of his own members and it was so accustomed to live under his command and protection that he did not believe the fellow could reconcile himself to any other way of life crab tree in order to make him easy on that score offered to adopt him in the room of his own valet whom he would dismiss though he observed that pipes had been quite spoiled in our hero's service the peregrine did not choose to let his friend under that inconvenience knowing that his present lackey understood and complied with all the peculiarities of his humor which pipes would never be able to study or regard he therefore determined to send him back to his shipmate hatchway with whom he had spent the four part of his life these points being adjusted the two friends adjourned to the coffee house with a view of inquiring into the character of the clergyman to whose beneficence our adventure was so much indebted they learned he was a person who had incurred the displeasure of the bishop in whose diocese he was settled and being unequal in power to his antagonists had been driven to the fleet in consequence of his obstinate opposition though he still found means to enjoy a pretty considerable income by certain irregular practices in the way of his function which income was chiefly consumed in acts of humanity to his fellow creatures in distress his eulogium was scarce finished when he entered the room according to appointment with peregrine who ordering wine and something for supper to be carried to his apartment the triumvirate went with her and had walleter taking his leave for the night the two fellow prisoners passed the evening very sociably our hero being entertained by his new companion with a private history of the place some particulars of which were extremely curious he told him that the person who attended them at supper bowing with the most abject civility and worshiping them every time he opened his mouth with the epithets of your lordship and your honor had a few years before it been actually a captain in the guards who after having run his career in that great world had threaded every station in their community from that of a buck of the first order who swagger's about the fleet in a laced coat with a footman and with blank to the degree of a tapster in which he was now happily settled if you will take the trouble of going into the cook's kitchen city you will perceive a bow metamorphosed into a turned spit and there are some hewers of wit and draws of water in this microcosm who have had forests and fishponds of their own yet notwithstanding such a miserable reverse of fortune they are neither objects of regard nor compassion because their misfortunes are the fruits of the most vicious extravagance and they are absolutely insensible of the misery which is their lot those of our fellow sufferers who have been reduced by undeserved losses or their precipitation of an experienced youth never failed to meet with the most brotherly assistance provided they behave with decorum and a due sense of their unhappy circumstances nor are we destitute of power to chastise the licentious who refuse to comply with the regulations of the place and disturb the peace of the community with riot and disorder justice is here impartially administered by a court of equity consisting of a select number of the most respectable inhabitants who punish all offenders with equal judgment and resolution after they have been fairly convicted of the crimes laid to their charge the clergyman having thus explained the economy of the place as well as the cause of his own confinement began to discover signs of curiosity touching our hero's situation and pickle thinking he could do no less for the satisfaction of a man who had treated him in such a hospitable manner favored him with a detail of the circumstances which produced his imprisonment at the same time gratifying his resentment against the minister which delighted in recapitulating the injuries he received the person who had been prepossessed in favor of our youth at first sight understanding what a considerable part he had acted on the stage of life felt his veneration increased and pleased with the opportunity of introducing a stranger of his consequence to the club left him to his repose or rather to ruminate on an event which he had not as yet seriously considered i might hear in imitation of some celebrated writers furnished out of page or two with the reflections he made upon the instability of human affairs the treachery of the world and the temerity of youth and endeavored to decoy the reader into a smile by some quaint observation of my own touching the sagacious moralizer but besides that i look upon this practice as an important anticipation of the peruzer's thoughts i have too much matter of importance upon my hands to give the reader the least reason to believe that i'm driven to such palkry shifts in order to eke out the volume suffice it then to say our adventure past a very uneasy night not only from the thorny suggestions of his mind but likewise from the anguish of his body which suffered from the hardness of his couch as well as from the natural inhabitants thereof that did not tamely suffer his intrusion in the morning he was waked by pipes who brought upon his shoulder a portmanteau filled with necessaries according to the direction of cadwalladier and tossing it down upon the floor regaled himself with a quid without the least manifestation of concern after some pause uc pipes said his master to what i have brought myself i i answered the valet once the vessel is ashore what signifies talking we must bear a hand to tow her off if we can if she won't budge for all the anchors and cap stands aboard after we have lightened her by cutting away her mask and heaving our guns and cargo overboard why then may happer brisk ale of wind a tide or a current setting from shore may floater again in the blast of a whistle here is 210 guineas by the tail in this here canvas bag and upon the scrap of paper no abas that's my discharge from the parish for mall trundle i here it is an order for 30 pounds upon that what do you call him in the city and two tickets for 25 and 18 which i lent uc to sam studying to buy a cargo of rum when he hoisted the sign of the commodore at st catherine's so saying he spread his whole stock upon the table for the acceptance of peregrine who being very much affected with this fresh instance of his attachment expressed his satisfaction at seeing he had been such a good economist and paid his wages up to that very day he thanked him for his faithful services and observing that he himself was no longer in a condition to maintain a domestic advised him to retire to the garrison where he would be kindly received by his friend hatchway to whom he would recommend him in the strongest terms pipes look blank at this unexpected intimation to which he replied that he wanted neither pay nor provision but only to be employed as a tender and that he would not steer his course for the garrison unless his master would first take his lumber aboard pickle however preemptively refused to touch a farthing of the money which he commanded him to put up and pipes was so mortified at his refusal that twisting the notes together he threw them into the fire without hesitation crying de blank the money the canvas bag with his contents would have shared the same fate had not peregrine started up and snatching the paper from the flames ordered his valley to forbear on pain of being banished forever from his site he told him that for the present there was a necessity for his being dismissed and he discharged him accordingly but if he would go and live quietly with lieutenant he promised on the first favorable turn of his fortune to take him again into his service in the meantime he gave him to understand that he neither wanted nor would make use of his money which he insisted upon his pocketing immediately on pain of forfeiting all title to his favor pipes was very much chagrined at these injunctions to which he made no reply but sweeping the money into his bag stalked off in silence with a look of grief and mortification which his countenance had never exhibited before nor was the proud heart of pickle unmoved upon the occasion he could scare suppress the sorrow in the presence of pipes and soon as he was gone he invented itself in tears having no great pleasure in conversing with his own thoughts he dressed himself with all convenient dispatch being attended by one of the occasional valets of the place who had formerly been a rich Mercer in the city and this operation being performed he went to breakfast at the coffee house where he happened to meet with his friend the clergyman and several persons of genteel appearance to whom the doctor introduced him as a new messmate by these gentlemen he was conducted to a place where they spent the forenoon and playing at fives an exercise in which our hero took singular delight and about one o'clock a court was held for the trial of two delinquents who had transgressed the laws of honesty and good order the first who appeared at the bar was an attorney accused of having picked a gentleman's pocket of his handkerchief and the fact being proved by incontestable evidence he received sentence in consequence of which he was immediately carried to the public pump and subjected to a severe cascade of cold water this cause being discussed they proceeded to the trial of the other offender who was a lieutenant of a man of war indicted for a ride which he had committed in company with a female not yet taken against the laws of the place and the peace of his fellow prisoners the corporate had been very obstreperous and absolutely refused to obey the summons with many expressions of contempt and defiance against the authority of the court upon which the constables were ordered to bring him to the bar v at armus and he was accordingly brought before the judge after having made a most desperate resistance with a hanger by which one of the officers was dangerously wounded this outrage was such an aggravation of his crime that the court would not venture to decide upon it but remitted him to the sentence of the warden who by virtue of his dictatorial power ordered the riot to be loaded with arms and confined in a strong room which is a dismal dungeon situated upon the side of the ditch infested with toads and vermin surcharged with noise and dance and impervious to the least ray of light justice being done upon these criminals our adventurer and his company adjourned to the ordinary which was kept at the coffee house and he found upon inquiry that his messmates consisted of one officer two underwriters three projectors an alchemist an attorney a parson a brace of poets baronet and a knight of the bath the dinner though not sumptuous nor very elegantly served up was nevertheless substantial and pretty well dressed the wine was tolerable and all the guests as cheerful as if they had been utter strangers to calamity so that our adventurer began to relish the company and mix in the conversation with that sprightliness and ease which were peculiar to his disposition the repass being ended the reckoning paid and part of the gentleman withdrawn to cards or other avocations those who remained among the whom peregrine made one agreed to spend the afternoon in conversation over a bowl of punch and the liquor being produced they passed the time very socially in various topics of discourse including many curious anecdotes relating to their own affairs no man's group will own the nature of the debt for which he was confined unless it happened to be some piddling affair but on the contrary boasted of the importance of the sum as a circumstance that implied his having been a person of consequence in life and he who made the most remarkable escapes from balers was looked upon as a man of superior genius and address among other extraordinary adventures of this kind none was more romantic than the last elopement achieved by the officer who told them he had been arrested for a debt of 200 pounds at a time when he could not command as many pens and conveyed to the bailiff's house in which he continued to hold fortnight moving his lodgings higher and higher from time to time in proportion to the decay of his credit until from the parlor he had made a regular ascent to the garret there while he ruminated on his next step which would have been to the marshall sea and saw the night come on attended with hunger and cold the wind began to blow and the tiles of the house rattle with the storm his imagination was immediately struck with the idea of escaping unperceived amidst the darkness and noise of the tempest by creeping out of the window of his apartment and making his way over the tops of the adjoining houses glowing with this prospect he examined the passage which to his infinite mortification he found greater with arm bars on the outside but even this difficulty did not divert him from his purpose conscious of his own strength he believed himself able to make a hole through the roof which seemed to be slender and crazy and on this supposition he barricaded the door with the whole furniture of the room then setting himself to work with a poker he in a few minutes he reflected on passage for his hand with which he gradually stripped off the boards in tiling so as to open a cellar port for his whole body through which he fairly set himself free groping his way towards the next tenement here however he met with an unlucky accident his hat being blown off his head chance to fall into the court just as one of the bailiff's followers was knocking at the door and this mermadan recognizing it immediately gave the alarm to his chief the running upstairs to the gear forced open the door in a twinkling notwithstanding the precautions which the prisoner had taken and with his attendant pursued the fugitive through his own track after this chase had continued sometimes said the officer to the imminent danger of all three i found my progress suddenly stopped by a skylight through which i received seven tailors sitting at work upon aboard without the least hesitation or previous notice i plundered among them with my backside foremost before they could recollect themselves from the consternation occasion by such a strange visit i told that my situation and gave them to understand that there was no time to be lost one of the number taking the hint led me instantly downstairs and dismissed me at the street door while the bailiff and his follower arriving at the breach were deterred from entering by the brethren of my deliverer who presenting their shears like a range of chavo de frieze commended them to retire on pain of immediate death and the catch pole rather than risk his carcass consented to discharge the debt comforting himself with the hope of making me prisoner again there however he was disappointed i kept snug and laughed at his escape warrant until i was ordered abroad with the regiment when i conveyed myself in a hearse to grave zen where i embarked for flanders but being obliged to come over again on the recruiting service i was nabbed on another score and all the satisfaction of my first captor has been able to obtain is a writ of detainment which i believe will fix me in this place until the parliament and its great goodness shall think proper to discharge my death spot a new act of insolvency everybody owned that the captain's success was equal to the heartiness of his enterprise which was altogether in the style of a soldier but one of the merchants observed that he must have been a bailiff of small experience who would trust a prisoner of that consequence in such an unguarded place if the captain said he had fallen into the hands of such a cunning rascal as a fellow that arrested me he would not have found it such an easy matter to escape for the manner in which i was caught is perhaps the most extraordinary that ever was practiced in these realms you must know gentlemen i suffered such losses by ensuring vessels during the war that i was obliged to stop payment though my expectations were such as encouraged me to manage one branch of business without coming to an immediate composition with my creditors and in short i received consignments from abroad as usual that i might not be subject to the visits of those catch poles i never stirred abroad but turning my first floor into a warehouse ordered all my goose to be hoisted up by a crane fixed to the upper story of my house divers were the stratagems practiced by those ingenious ferrets with a view of decoying me from the walls of my fortification i received innumerable messages from people who wanted to see me at certain taverns upon particular business i was summoned into the country to see my own mother who was said to be at the point of death a gentle woman one night was taken in labor on my threshold at another time i was disturbed with a crime murder in the street and once i was alarmed by a false fire but being still upon my guard i baffled all their attempts and thought myself quite secure from their invention when one of those bloodhounds inspired i believe by the devil himself contrived a snare by which i was at last entrapped he made it his business to inquire into the particulars of my traffic and understanding that among other things there were several chests of Florence entered at the custom house on my behalf he ordered himself to be enclosed in a box of the same dimensions with air holes in the bottom for the benefit of breathing and marked upon the cover and being conveyed to my door in a cart among other goods was in his turn hoisted up to my warehouse where i stood with a hammer in order to open the chest that i might compare the contents with the invoice he may guess my surprise and consternation went upon uncovering the box i saw bailiff wearing up his head like lasers from the grave and heard him declare that he had a writ against me for a thousand pounds indeed i aimed the hammer at his head but in the hurry of my confusion missed my mark before i could repeat the blow he started up with great agility and executed his office inside of several evidences whom he added assembled in the street for that purpose so that i could not possibly disentangle myself from the toil without incurring an escape warrant from which i had no protection but had i known the contents of the chest by all that's good i would have ordered my porter to raise it up as high as the crane would permit and then have cut the rope by accident that expedient said the night with the red ribbon would have discouraged him from such hazardous attempts for the future and would have been an example in terror in of all his brother the story puts me in mind of our deliverance achieved by tom hackabelle a very stout honest fellow an old acquaintance of mine who had been so famous for maiming bailiffs that another gentleman having been ill used at a sponging house no sooner obtained his liberty than with the view of being revenged upon the landlord he for five shillings bought one of tom's notes which sold at a very large discount and taking out a writ upon it put it into the hands of a bailiff who'd used to mill the catch pole after a diligent search had an opportunity of executing the writ upon the defendant who without ceremony broke one of his arms fractured his skull and belabored him in such a manner that he lay without sense of motion on the spot by such exports this he will became so formidable that no single bailiff would undertake to arrest him so that he appeared in all public places untouched at length however several officers of the marshall c court entered into a confederacy against him and two of the number attended by three desperate followers ventured to arrest him one day in the strand near hunger ford market he found it impossible to make resistance because the whole gang sprung upon him at once like so many tigers opinioned his arms so fast that he could not wag a finger perceiving himself fairly overpowered he desired to be conducted forthwith to jail and was stowed in a boat accordingly by the time they had reached the middle of the river he found means to overset the weary by accident and every man disregarding the prisoner consulted his own safety as for hack about to whom the element was quite familiar he mounted a stride upon the keel of the boat which was uppermost and exhorted the bailiffs to swim for their lives protesting before god that they had no other chance to be saved the watermen were immediately taken up by some of their own friends who far from yielding any assistance to the catch poles kept aloofed and exalted in their calamity in short two of the five went to the bottom and never saw the light of god's son and the other three with great difficulty saved themselves by laying hold on the rudder of a dung barge to which they were carried by the stream while tom with great deliberation swam across to the surrey shore after this achievement he was so much dreaded by the whole fraternity that they shivered at the very mention of his name and this character which some people would think an advantage to a man in debt was the greatest misfortune that could possibly happen to him because no tradesmen would give him credit for the lease trifle on the supposition that he could not indemnify himself in the common course of law the parson did not approve of mr. hack about's method of escaping which he considered as a very unchristian attempt upon the lives of his fellow subjects it is enough that he that we elude the laws of our country without murdering the officers of justice my own part i can lay my hand upon my heart and safely say that i forgive from my soul the fellow by whom i was made a prisoner although the circumstances of his behavior were treacherous wicked and profane you must know mr. pickle i was one day called into my chapel in order to join a couple in the holy bands of matrimony and my affairs being at the same time so situated as to lay me under apprehensions of an arrest i cautiously surveyed the man through a lattice which was made for that purpose before i would venture to come within his reach he was clothed in a semen's jacket and trousers and as such an air of simplicity in his countenance as divested me of all suspicion i therefore without further scruple trusted myself and his presence began to exercise the duty of my function and had actually performed one half of the ceremony when the supposed woman pulling out a paper from her bosom exclaimed with a masculine voice sir you are my prisoner i've got a writ against you for 500 pounds i was thunderstruck at this declaration not so much on account of my own misfortune which thank heaven i can bear with patience and resignation as at the impiety of the wretch first in disguising such a worldly aim under the cloak of religion and secondly in prostituting the service when there was no occasion for so doing is designed having previously taken effect yet i forgive him poor soul because he knew not what he did and i hope you sir simple will exert the same christian virtue towards the man by whom you were likewise overreached o d blank the rascal cried the night where i his judge ye should be condemned to flames everlasting a villain to disgrace me in such a manner before almost all the fashionable company in town our hero expressing our curiosity to know the particulars of this adventure the night gratified his desire by telling him that one evening while he was engaged in a party of cards at a drum in the house of a certain lady of quality he was given to understand by one of the servants that a stranger very richly dressed was just arrived in a chair preceded by five footman with lambo and that he refused to come upstairs until he should be introduced by sir simple upon this notice continued the night i judged it was some of my quality friends and having obtained her lady's permission to bring him up went down to the hall and perceived a person whom to the best of my recollection i'd never seen before however his appearance was so magnificent that i could not harbor the least suspicion of his true quality and seeing me advance he saluted me with a very genteel bow observing that though he had not the honor of my acquaintance he could not dispense with waiting upon me even on that occasion in consequence of a letter which he had received from a particular friend so saying he put a paper in my to my hand intimating that he had got a writ against me for 10 000 pounds and that it would be my interest to submit without resistance for he was provided with the guard of 20 men who surrounded the door in different disguises determined to secure me against all opposition enraged at the scoundrel's finesse and trusting to the assistance of the real footman assembled in the hall so you are rascally bailiff said i who have assumed the guard of a gentleman in order to disturb her ladyship's company take this fellow my lads and roll him in the kennel here are ten guineas for your trouble these words were no sooner pronounced than i was seized lifted up placed in a chair and carried off in a twinkling of an eye not but that the servants of the house and some other footman made a motion towards my rescue and alarmed all the company above but the bailiff affirming with undaunted effrontery that i was taken up upon an affair of state and so many people appearing on his behalf the countess would not suffer the supposed messenger to be insulted and he carried me to the county jail without further let or molestation end of chapter 97 chapter 98 part one of the adventures of peregrine pickle volume two by to buy a small it this lever box recording is in the public domain chapter 98 part one pickle seems tolerably well reconciled to his cage and is by the clergyman entertained with the memoirs of a noted personage whom he sees by accident in the fleet the night has scarce finished his narrative when our hero was told that a gentleman in the coffee room wanted to see him and when he went there he found his friend grab tree who had transacted all his affairs according to the determination of the preceding day and now gave him an account of the remarks he overheard on the subject of his misfortune for the manner of the arrest was so public and extraordinary that those who were present immediately propagated it among their acquaintance and it was that same evening discourse to punna at several tea and card tables with this variation from the truth that the debt amounted to 12 000 instead of 1200 pounds from which circumstance it was conjectured that peregrine was a bite from the beginning who had found credit on account of his effrontery and appearance and imposed himself upon the town as a young gentleman of fortune they rejoiced therefore at his calamity which they considered as a just punishment for his fraud and presumption and began to review certain particulars of his conduct that plainly demonstrated him to be a rank adventurer long before he had arrived at this end of his career pickle who now believed his glory was set forever received this intelligence with that disdain which enables a man to detach himself effectually from the world and with great tranquility gave the misanthrope and entertaining detail of what he had seen and heard since their last parting while they amused themselves in this manner over a dish of coffee they were joined by the person who congratulated our hero upon his bearing this chance with such philosophic quiet and began to regale the two friends with some curious circumstances relating to the private history of the several prisoners as they happened to come in at length the gentleman entered at sight of whom the clergyman rose up and saluted him with a most reverential bow which was graciously returned by the stranger who were the young man that attended him retired to the other end of the room they were no sooner out of hearing than the communicative priest desired his company to take particular notice of this person to whom he had paid his respects that man said he is this day one of the most flagrant instances of neglected virtue which the world can produce over and above a cool discerning head fraught with uncommon learning and experience he is possessed of such fortitude and resolution as no difficulties can discourage and no danger impair and so indefatigable in his humanity that even now while he is surrounded with such embarrassments as would distract the brain of an ordinary mortal he is added considerably to his encumbrances by taking under his protection that young gentleman who induced by his character appealed to his benevolence for redress of the grievances under which he labors from the villainy of guardian pair grinds curiosity being excited by the synchromium ask the name of this generous patron of which when he was informed i'm no stranger said he to the fame of that gentleman who has made a considerable noise in the world on account of that great cause he undertook in defense of an unhappy orphan and since he is a person of such an amiable disposition i'm heartily sorry to find that his endeavors have not met with that successful issue which their good fortune in the beginning seemed to promise indeed the circumstance of his espousing that cause was so uncommon and romantic and the depravity of the human heart so universal that some people unacquainted with his real character imagined his views were altogether selfish and some were not wanting who affirmed he was a mere adventurer nevertheless i must do him the justice to own i've heard some of the most virulent of those who were concerned on the other side of the question bear testimony in his favor observing that he was deceived into the expense of the whole by the plausible story which at first engaged his compassion your description of his character confirms me in the same opinion though i am quite ignorant of the affair the particulars of which i should be glad to learn as well as the genuine account of his own life many circumstances of which are by his enemies i believe egregiously misrepresented sir answer the priest that is a piece of satisfaction which i'm glad to find myself capable of giving you i've had the pleasure of being acquainted with mr m from his youth and everything which i shall relate concerning him you may depend upon as a fact which has fallen under my own cognizance or been vouched upon the credit of undoubted evidence mr m's father was a minister of the established church of scotland descended from a very ancient clan and his mother nearly related to a noble family in the northern part of that kingdom while the son was boarded at a public school where he made good progress in the latin tongue his father died and he was left an orphan to the care of an uncle who finding him determined against any servile employment kept him at school that he might prepare himself for the university with a view of being qualified for his father's profession here his imagination was so heeded by the warlike achievements he found recorded in the latin authors such as caesar courteous and be candid that he was seized with an irresistible thirst of military glory and desire of trying his fortune in the army his majesty's troops taking the field in consequence of the rebellion which happened in the year 1715 this young adventurer thinking no life equal to that of a soldier found means to furnish himself with a fusel and bayonet and leaving a school repaired to the camp near sterling with a view of signalizing himself in the field though he was at that time but just turned of 13 he offered his service to several officers in hope of being enlisted in their companies but they were not received in because they rightly concluded that he was some schoolboy broke loose without the knowledge or consent of his relations notwithstanding this discouragement he continued in camp curiously prying into every part of the service and such was the resolution conspicuous in him even at such a tender age that after his small finances were exhausted he persisted in his design and because he would not make his wants known actually subsisted for several days on hips haws and slows and other spontaneous fruits which he gathered in the woods and fields meanwhile he never failed to be present when any regiment or corps of men were drawn out to be exercised and reviewed and accompanied them in all their evolutions which he had learned to great perfection by observing the companies which were courted in the place where he was at school this eagerness and perseverance attracted the notice of many officers who after having commended his spirit in zeal pressed him to return to his parents and even threatened to expel him from the camp if he would not comply with their advice these remonstrances having no other effect than that of warning him to avoid his monitors they thought proper to alter their behavior towards him took him into their protection and even into their mess and what above all other marks of favor please the young soldier most permitted him to incorporate in the battalion and take his turn of duty with the other men in this happy situation he was discovered by a relation of his mother who was a captain in the army and who used all his authority and influence in persuading him to return to school but finding him deaf to his admonitions and threats he took him under his own care and when the army marched to dumb blane left him at sterling with express injunctions to keep himself within the walls he temporized with his kinsman fearing that should he seem refractory the captain would have ordered him to be shut up in the castle inflamed with the desire of seeing a battle his relation no sooner marched off the ground than he mixed in with another regiment to which his former patrons belonged and proceeded to the field where he distinguished himself even at that early time of life by his gallantry and helping to retrieve a pair of colors belonging to him's regiment so that after the affair he was presented to the Duke of Argyle and recommended strongly to Brigadier Grant who invited him into his regiment and promised to provide for him with the first opportunity but that gentleman in a little time lost his command upon the Duke's disgrace and the regiment was ordered for Ireland being given to Colonel Nassau whose favor the young volunteer acquired to such a degree that he was recommended to the king for his insincy which in all probability he would have obtained had not the regiment been unluckily reduced in consequence of this reduction which happened in the most severe season of the year he was obliged to return to his own country through infinite hardships to which he was exposed from the narrowness of his circumstances and continuing still enamored of a military life he entered into the regiment of scott's graze at that time commanded by the late Sir James Campbell who being acquainted with his family and character encouraged him with a promise of speedy performant in this core he remained three years during which he had no opportunity of seeing actual service except that the affair of glans heel and this life of insipid quiet must have hung heavy upon a youth of him's active disposition had not he found exercise for the mind in reading books of amusement history voyages and geography together with those that treated of the art of war ancient and modern for which he contracted such an eager appetite that he used to spend 16 hours a day in this employment about that time he became acquainted with a gentleman of learning and taste to observing his indefatigable application and insatiable thirst after knowledge took upon himself the charge of superintending his studies and by the direction of such an able guide the young soldier converted his attention to a more solid and profitable course of reading so inordinate was his desire of making speedy advances in the paths of learning that within the compass of three months he diligently perused the writings of Locke and Malabrange and made himself master the first six and the of the 11th and 12th books of Euclid's elements he considered puff and dwarf and grotes with uncommon care acquired a tolerable degree of knowledge in the French language and his imagination was so captivated with the desire of learning that seeing no prospect of a war or views of being provided for in the service he quitted the army and went through a regular course of university education having made such progress in his studies he resolved to qualify himself for the church and acquired such a stock of school divinity under the instructions of a learner professor at Edinburgh that he more than once mounted the roster in the public hall and held forth with uncommon applause but being discouraged from our prosecution of his plan by the unreasonable austerity of some of the scotch clergy by whom the most indifferent and innocent words and actions were often misconstrued into levity and misconduct he resolved to embrace the first favorable opportunity of going abroad being inflamed with the desire of seeing foreign countries and actually set out for Holland where for the space of two years he studied the roman law with the law of nature nations under the famous professors Tollier and Bart Bayrock having thus finished his school education he set out for Paris with a view to make himself perfect in the french language and learn such useful exercises as might be acquired with the wretched remnant of his London estate which was by that time reduced very low in his journey through the Netherlands he went to Namur and paid his respects to Bishop Strickland and General Collier by whom he was received with great civility and consequence of letters of recommendation with which he was provided from the Hague and the old general assured him of his protection and entrance for a pair of colors if he was disposed to enter into the Dutch service though he was by that time pretty well cured of his military chiodism he would not totally decline the generous proffer for which he thanked him in the most grateful terms telling the general that he would pay his duty to him on his return from France and then if he could determine upon re-engaging in the army should think himself highly honored in being under his command after his stay of two months in Flanders he proceeded to Paris and far from taking up his habitation in the suburbs of Saint-Germain according to the custom of English travelers he hired a private lodging on the other side of the river and associated chiefly with French officers who their youthful sallies being over are allowed to be the politest gentleman of that kingdom in this scheme he found his account so much that he could not but wonder at the folly of his countrymen who lose the main scope of their growing abroad by spending their time and fortune idly with one another during his residence in Holland he had made himself acquainted with the best authors in the French language so that he was able to share in their conversation a circumstance from which he found great benefit for it not only improved him in his knowledge of that tongue but also tended to the enlargement of his acquaintance in the course of which he contracted intimacy in some families of good fashion especially those of the long robe which would have enabled him to pass this time very agreeably had he been a little easier in point of fortune but his finances notwithstanding the most rigid economy being in a few months reduced to a very low ed the prospect of indigence through a damp upon all his pleasures though he never suffered himself to be thereby in any degree dispirited being in that respective so happy a disposition that conscious poverty or abundance made very slight impressions upon his mind this consumption of his cash however involved him in some perplexity and he deliberated with himself whether he should return to general collier or repair to london where he might possibly fall into some business not unbecoming a gentleman though he was very much mortified to find himself incapable of gratifying an inordinate desire which possessed him of making the grand tour or at least a visiting the southern parts of france while he thus hesitated between different suggestions he was one morning visited by a gentleman who had sought and cultivated his friendship and for whom he had done a good office in supporting him with spirit against a brutal german with whom he had an affair of honor this gentleman came to propose a party for a fortnight to fontain blow where the court then was and the proposal being declined by m with more than usual stiffness his friend was very urgent to know the reason of his refusal and that linked with some confusion said perhaps your finances are low him replied that he had wherewithal to defrate the expense of his journey to london where he could be furnished with a fresh supply and this answer was no sooner made than the other taking him by the hand my dear friend said he i'm not unacquainted with your affairs and would have offered you my credit long ago if i had thought it would be acceptable even now i do not pretend to give you money but desire and insist upon it that you will accept of the loan of these two pieces of paper to be repaid when you marry a woman with a fortune of twenty thousand pounds or obtain an employment of a thousand a year so saying he presented him with two actions of above two thousand lever each in was astonished at this unexpected instance of generosity in a stranger and without suitable acknowledgment for him to relate refused to incur such an obligation but at length he was by dint of importunity and warm expostulation prevailed upon to accept one of the actions on condition that the gentleman would take his note for the sum and this he absolutely rejected until him promised to draw upon him for double the value or more in case he should at any time want to further supply this uncommon actor friendship and generosity afterwards had an opportunity to repay tenfold though he could not help regretting the occasion on his friend's account that were the man having by placing too much confidence in the villainous lawyer and a chain of other misfortunes involved himself and his amiable lady in a labyrinth of difficulties which threatened the total ruin of his family in felt the inexpressible satisfaction of delivering his benefactor from the snare being thus reinforced by the generosity of his friend in resolve to execute his former plan of seeing the south of france together with the seaports of spain as far as cadiz from whence he proposed to take a passage for London by sea and with this view sent forward his trunks by the diligence to leon determined to write post in order to enjoy a better view of the country and for the convenience of stopping at those places where there was anything remarkable to be seen or inquired into while he was employed in taking leave of his Parisian friends who furnished him with abundant recommendation a gentleman of his own country who spoke little or no French hearing of his intention begged the favor of accompanying him in his expedition with this new companion therefore he set out for leon where he was perfectly well received by the intendant and some of the best families of the place in consequence of his letters of recommendation and after a short stay in that city proceeded down the road to avignon in what is called the coche d'eau then visiting the principal towns of dauphine long doc and provence he returned to the delightful city of marseille where he and his fellow traveller were so much captivated by the serenity of the air the good nature and hospitality of the sprightly inhabitants that they never dreamed of changing their quarters during the whole winter and part of the spring here he acquired the acquaintance of the marquis d'argent attorney general in the parliament of aches and of his eldest son who now makes a so great a figure in the literary world and when the affair of father gerard and that was a cardier began to make a noise he accompanied these two gentlemen to to long where the marquis was ordered to take a precognition of the facts on his return to marseille he found a certain noble lord great fortune under the direction of a swiss governor who had accommodated him with two of his own relations of the same country a way of companions together with five servants in his train they being absolute strangers in the place him introduced them to the intendant and several other good families and had the good fortune to be so agreeable to his lordship that he proposed and even pressed him to live with him in england as a friend and companion and to take upon him the superintendent of his affairs in which case he would settle upon him four hundred a year for life this proposal was too advantageous to be slighted by a person of no fortune or fixed establishment he therefore made no difficulty of closing with it but as his lordship's departure was fixed to a short day and he urged him to accompany him to paris and from thence to england him thought it would be improper and indecent to interfere with the office of his governor who might take umbridge at his favor and therefore excuse himself from a compliance with his lordship's request until his minorities should be expired as he was within a few months of being of age however he repeated his importunities so earnestly and the governor joined in the request with such appearance of cordiality that he was prevailed upon to comply with their joint desire and in a few days set out with them for paris by the way of leon but before they had been three days in the city him perceived a total change in the behavior of the swiss and his two relations when all probability became jealous of his influence with his lordship and he no sooner made this discovery than he resolved to withdraw himself from such a disagreeable participation of the young nobleman's favor he therefore in spite of all his lordships and treaties and remonstrances quitted him for the present alleging as a pretext that he had a longing desire to see switzerland and the banks of the rye and promising to meet him again in england in uh chapter 98 part 1