 24. Disappointment. It was not till the little family were seated at the dinner table that Pitt alluded to the object of his morning ramble. I went to see Colonel Gainsborough this morning, he began, and to my astonishment found the house shut up. What has become of him? Gone away, said his father shortly. Yes, that is plain, but where has he gone to? New York. New York? What took him away? I believe a desire to put his daughter at school, a very sensible desire. To New York? Pitt repeated. Why did you never mention it, Mama? It never occurred to me to mention it. I did not suppose that the matter was of any great interest to you. Mrs. Dallas had said just a word too much. Her last sentence set Pitt to thinking. How long have they been gone? He asked after a short pause. Not long, said Mr. Dallas carelessly. A few months, I believe. A man told me you had bought the place? Yes, it suited me to have it. The land is good, what there is of it. But the house stands empty. What will you do with it? Let it, as soon as anybody wants it. Not much prospect of that, is there? Not just now, Mr. Dallas said dryly. There was a little pause again and then Pitt asked. Have you Colonel Gainsborough's address, sir? No. I suppose they have it at the post office. They have not. Colonel Gainsborough was to have sent me his address when he knew himself what it would be, but he has never done so. Is he living in the city or out of it? I have explained to you why I am unable to answer that question. Why do you want to know Pitt, his mother imprudently asked? Because I have got to look them up, mother, and knowing whereabouts they are would be rather a help, you see. You have not got to look them up, said his father gruffly. What business is it of yours? If they were here, it would be all very well for you to pay your respects to the Colonel. It would be due, but as it is, there is no obligation. No obligation of civility. There is another, however. What then? Of friendship, sir. Nonsense. Friendship ought to keep you at home. There is no friendship like that of a man's father and mother. Do you know what a piece of time it would take for you to go to New York to look up a man who lives you do not know where? What a piece of your vacation? More than I like to think of, said Pitt, but it will have to be done. It will take you two days to get there and two more days to get back, merely for their journey, and how many do you want to spend in New York? I must have two or three, at least. It will swallow up a week. Out of your little vacation? said his mother reproachfully. She was angry and hurt, as near tears as she often came, but Mrs. Dallas was not want to show her discomforture in that way. Yes, mother, I am very sorry. Why do you care about seeing them? Care so much, I mean, his father inquired, with a keen-sud glass at his son. I have made a promise, sir, I am bound to keep it. What promise, both parents demanded at once, to look after the daughter in case of the father's death? But he is not dead. He is well enough, as likely to live as I am. How can I be sure of that? You have not heard from him for months, you say. I should have heard, if anything had happened to him. That is not certain either, said Pitt, thinking that Esther's applying to his father and mother in case of distress was more than doubtful. How can you look after the daughter in the event of her father's death? You are not the person to do it, said his mother. I am the person who have promised to do it, said Pitt quietly. Never mind, mother. You see, I must go, and the sooner the better. I will take the stage tomorrow morning. You might wait and try first what a letter might do, suggested his father. Yes, sir, but you remember Colonel Gainsborough had very little to do with the post office. He never received letters, and he had ceased taking the London Times. My letter might lie weeks unclaimed. I must go myself. And he went and stayed a week away. It was a busy week. At least the days in the city were busily filled. Pitt inquired at the post office, but, as he more than half expected, nobody knew anything of Colonel Gainsborough's address. One official had an impression he had heard the name. That was all. Pitt beleaguered the post office, that is, he sat down before it, figuratively, for really he sat down in it, and let nobody go out or come in without his knowledge. It availed nothing. Either Christopher did not at all make his appearance at the post office during those days, or he came at some moment when Pitt was gone to get a bit of luncheon. If he came, a stupid clerk did not heed him, or a busy clerk overlooked him. All that is certain is that Pitt saw and heard nothing which led to the object of his quest. He made inquiries elsewhere, wherever he could think it might be useful, but the end was he heard nothing. He stayed three days. He could stay no longer for his holiday was very exactly and narrowly measured out, and he felt it not right to take any more of it from his father and mother. The rest of the time they had him holy to themselves, for Miss Frear was hindered by some domestic event from keeping her promise to Mrs. Dallas. She did not come. Pitt was glad of it, and, seeing they were now free from the danger of Esther, his father and mother were glad of it too. The days were untroubled by either fear or anxiety, while their son made the sunshine of the house for them, and when he went away he left them without a wish concerning him, but that they were going to, for it was to be another two years before he would come again. The record of those same summer months in the house on the bank of the Hudson was somewhat different. Esther had her vacation too, which gave her opportunity to finish everything in the arrangements at home, for which time had hitherto been lacking. The girl went softly round the house, putting a touch of grace and prettiness upon every room. It excited Mrs. Barker's honest admiration. Here it was a curtain, there it was a set of toilet furniture, in another place a fresh chins cover, in a fourth, a rug that matched the carpet and hid an ugly darn in it. Esther made all these things and did all these things herself. They cost her father nothing or next to nothing, and they did not even ask for Mrs. Barker's time, and they were little things, but the effect of them was not so. They gave the house that finished comfortable home-like air, which nothing does give but the graceful touch of a woman's fingers. Mrs. Barker admired. The colonel did not see what was done, but Esther did not work for admiration. She was satisfying the demand of her own nature, which in all things she had to do was call for finish, fitness, and grace. Her fingers were charmed fingers, because the soul that governed them had itself such a charm, and worked by its own standard, as the honey bee makes herself. Indeed, the simile of the honey bee would fit in more points than one, for the cell of the little winged worker is not fuller of sweetness than the girl made all her own particular domicile. If the whole truth must be told, however, there was another thought stirring in her, as she hung her curtains and laid her rugs. A half-recognized thought, which gave a zest to every additional touch of comfort or prettiness which she bestowed on the house. She thought Pitt would be there, and she wanted the impression made upon him to be the pleasantest possible. He would surely be there. He was coming home. He would never let the vacation go by without trying to find his own friends. It was a constant spring of pleasure to Esther, that secret hope. She said nothing about it. Her father, she knew, did not care so much for Pitt Dallas as she did. But privately she counted the days and measured the time, and went into countless calculations for which she possessed no sufficient data. She knew that, yet she could not help calculating. The whole summer was sweetened and enlivened by these calculations, although indeed they were a little like some of those sweets which bite the tongue. But the summer went by, as we know, and nothing was seen of the expected visitor. September came, and Esther almost counted the hours, waking up in the morning with a beat of the heart, thinking, today he may come, and lying down at night with a despairing sense that the time was slipping away, and her only consolation that there was some yet left. She said nothing about it. She watched the days of the vacation all out, and went to school again towards the end of the month, with a heart very disappointed, and troubled besides by the feeling of unknown, and therefore unreachable hindrances, which is so tormenting. Something the matter, and you do not know what, and therefore you cannot act to men matters. Esther was sadly disappointed. Three years now, and she had grown, and he had changed, must have changed, and if the old friendship were at all to be preserved, the friends ought to see each other before the gap grew too wide, and before too many things rushed in to fill it, which might work separation and not union. Esther's feelings were of the most innocent and childlike, but very warm. It had been very good to her. He had been like an elder brother, and in that light she remembered him and wished for him. The fact that she was a child no longer did not change all this. Esther had lived alone with her father, and kept her simplicity. Going to school might have damaged the simplicity, but somehow it did not. Several reasons prevented. For one thing, she made no intimate friends. She was kind to everybody. Nobody was taken into her confidence. Her nature was a part from theirs. One of those rare and few whose fate it is for the most part to stand alone in the world. Too fine for the coarseness. Too delicate for the rudeness. Too noble for the pettiness of those around them, even though they be not more coarse or rude or small-minded than the generality of mankind. Sympathy is broken and full communion impossible. It is a penalty of eminence to put its possessor apart. I have seen a lily stand so in a bed of other flowers. A perfect specimen. In form and coloring and grace of carriage distinguished by a flawless beauty. Caring its elegant head a little bent, modest, but yet lofty above all the rest of the flower bed. Not with a loftiness of inches, however, for it was of lower stature than many around it. The elevation of which I speak was moral and spiritual. And so it was alone. The rest of the flowers were more or less fellows. This one and its apart elegance owned no social communion with them. Esther was a little like that among her school friends, and though invariably gracious and pleasant in her manners, she was instinctively felt to be different from the rest. Only Esther was a white lily. The one I tried to describe, or did not try to describe, was a red one. Besides this element of separateness, Esther was very much absorbed in her work. Not seeking, like most of the others, to pass a good examination, but studying in the love of learning, and with a far-off ideal of attainment in her mind, with which she hoped one day to meet Pitt, and satisfy if not equal him. I think she hardly knew this motive at work. However, it was at work and a powerful motive too. And lastly, Esther was a favorite. No help for it. She was certainly a favorite, the girls pronounced, and some of them had the candor to add that they did not see how she could help it, or how Miss Fairbairn could help it either. Girls, she has every right to be a favorite, one of them set forth. Nobody has a right to be a favorite, or is the counter-cry. But think, she never does anything wrong. Stupid. Well, she never breaks rules, does she? No. And she always has her lessons perfect as perfect can be. So do some other people. And her drawings are capital. That's her nature. She has a talent for drawing. She cannot help it. She just cannot help it, Sarah Simpson. That's no credit. Then she is the best Bible scholar in the house except Miss Fairbairn herself. Ah, there you've got it. That's just it. She is one of Miss Fairbairn's kind. But everybody can't be like that, cried the objector. I, for instance, I don't care so much for the Bible, you see. And you don't, if you'll tell the truth. And most of us don't. It's an awful board, that's what it is, all this eternal Bible work. And I don't think it's fair. It isn't what I came here for, I know. My father didn't think he was sending me to a Sunday school. Miss Fairbairn take care you should learn something else besides Bible, Valenders, to do her justice. Well, she's like all the rest. She has favorites, and Esther Gainsborough is one of them. And there ought to be no favorites. I tell you she puts me out. That's what she does. If I am sent out of the room on an errand, I am sure to hit my foot against something just because she never stumbles. And the door falls out of my hand and makes a noise just because I am thinking of how it behaves for her. She just puts me out. I give you my word. It confuses me in my recitations to know that she has the answer ready, if I miss. And as for drawing, it's no use to try, because she will be there to do it better. There ought to be no such things as favorites. There was some laughter at this harangue, but no contradiction of its statements. Perhaps Esther was more highly gifted than any of her fellows. Beyond question, she worked harder. She had motives that wrought up on none of them. The idea of equaling, or at least a satisfying pit, and the feeling that her father was sacrificing a great deal for her sake, and that she must do her very utmost by way of honoring and rewarding his kindness. Besides still another loftier feeling, that she was the Lord's servant, and that less than the very best she could do was not service good enough for him. Papa, she said one evening in October, don't you think Pit must have come and gone before now? William Dallas? If he has come, he has gone, certainly. Papa, do you think he can have come? Why not? Because he has not been to see us. My dear, that is nothing. There is no special reason why he should come to see us. Oh, Papa, cried Esther, dismayed. My dear, you have put too much water in my tea. I wish you would think what you are about. Now Esther had thought what she was about, and the tea was as nearly as possible just as usual. Shall I mend it, Papa? You cannot mend it. Tea must be made right at first, if it is ever to be right. If it is not right, it is not fit to be drunk. I am very sorry, Papa. I will try and have it perfect next time. It was plain her father did not share her anxiety about Pit. He cared nothing about the matter, whether he came or no. He did not think of it. And Esther had been thinking of it every day for months, and many times a day. She was hurt, and it made her feel alone. Esther had that feeling rather often, for a girl of her age and sound health and every respect, bodily and mental. The feeling was quite in accordance with the facts of the case. Only many girls at seventeen would not have found it out. She was in school and in the midst of numbers for five and a half days in the week, yet even there, as has been explained, she was in a degree solitary, and both in school and at home Esther knew the fact. At home the loneliness was intensified. Colonel Gainsborough was always busy with his books. Even at mealtimes he hardly came out of them, and never, either at Seaforth or here, had he made himself a companion of his daughter. He desired to know how she stood in her school and kept himself informed of what she was doing, what she might be feeling he never inquired. It was all right, he thought. Everything was going right, except that he was such an invalid and so left to himself. If asked by whom he was left to himself, he would have said, by his family and his country and the world generally. His family and his country might probably have charged that the neglect was mutual, and the world at large could hardly be blamed for not taking up the old soldier whom it did not know, and making much of him. The care which was failing from all three he got from his daughter in full measure, but she got little from him. It was not strange that her thoughts went fondly to Pint, who had taken care of her, and helped her and been good to her. Was it all over, and no more such kindly ministry and delightful sympathy to be ever hoped for anymore? Had Pitt forgotten her? He gave extra pain that nobody guessed, to be obliged to moot this question, and it busied her a good deal. Sometimes her thoughts went longingly back beyond Pitt Dallas to another face that had always been loving to her, soft eyes and a tender hand that were ever sure to bring sympathy and help. She could not much bear to think of it. That was all gone, and could not be called back again. Was her one other earthly friend gone too? Pitt had been so good to her, and such a delightful teacher and helper and confidant. She thought it strange that her father did not miss him. But after the one great loss of his life, Colonel Gainsborough missed nobody anymore. End of Chapter 24 Recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen Gilbert, Arizona Chapter 25 of A Red Wall Flower This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen Gilbert, Arizona A Red Wall Flower by Susan Warner Chapter 25 Ahead of Lattice One afternoon in the end of October, Esther, who had just come home from school, was laid hold of by Mrs. Barker, with a face of grave calculation. Mrs. Esther, will ye approve that I send Christopher over to that market, ladies, to get ahead of Lattice for the Colonel's supper? There's not in the house, but a bit of cold green tongue. Save it, of course, tomorrow's dinner. I thought he might fancy a salad. Tongue, said Esther. Haven't you a quail or a sweet bread or something of that sort? I haven't it, Mrs. Esther, and that's the truth. Forgotten, said Esther, smiling. Mom, I couldn't forget the likes of that, Barker says hollily, which I mean, as I haven't that to own up to. No, mom, I didn't forget. What's the matter, then? Some carelessness of Christopher's. Yes, have a salad. That will do very well. Then mom, said Barker, still more constrainedly. Could you perhaps let me have a six-pence? I don't like to send and ask a stranger like that to wait for what's no more than two pence at home. Wait, repeated Esther, didn't Popham give you money for the housekeeping this week? Mrs. Esther, he did, but I have an ascent. Why, he did not give you as much as usual? The housekeeper has the day with the troubled face. Mrs. Esther, he did give me as much as usual. I would say as much as he uses to give me nowadays. But that ain't the old sum, and it ain't possible to do the same thing with it. And Mrs. Barker looked anxiously and doubtfully at her young mistress. I wouldn't like to tell you, mom, but in course she must know, or you'd maybe be doubtful of me. Of course I should know, repeated Esther. Popham must have forgotten. I will see about it. Give me a basket, Barker, and I will go over to the garden myself and get ahead of lettuce. Now, before I take my things off, I would like to go. Seeing that she spoke truth, Mrs. Barker's group holds gave way. She furnished the basket, and Esther set forth. There was but a field or two to cross, intervening between her own ground and the slopes where the beds of the market garden lay trim and neat in the sun. Or rather, today, in the warm, hazy, soft October light, the sun's rays could not rightly give through the haze. It was one of the delicious times of October weather, which the unlearned are want to call Indian summer, but which is not that, and differs from it essentially. The glory of the Indian summer is wholly ethereal. It belongs to the light and the air, and is a striking image and eloquent testimony of how far spirit can overmaster matter. The earth is brown, the trees are bare, the drapery and the colors of summer are all gone, and then comes the Indian summer, and makes one forget that the foregoing summer had its glories at all. So much greater is the glory now. There is no sense of bareness any longer, and no missing of gay tents, nor of the song of the birds, nor of anything else in which June reveled, and August showed its rich maturity. Only the light in the air, filling the world with such unearthly loveliness that the looker on holds his breath, and the splendor of June is forgotten. This October day was not after such a fashion. It was steeped in color. Trees near at hand showed yellow and purple and red. The distant Jersey shore was a strip of warm, sunburnt tents, merged into one. Over the river lay a sunny haze that was, as it were, threaded with gold, as if the sun had gone to sleep there and was in a dream. And mosses and bushes and lingering asters and golden rod, on rocks or at the edges of the fields near at hand, gave the eye a welcome wherever it turned. Not a breath of air was stirring. The landscape rested under a spell of peace. After walks slowly, every step was so full of pleasure. The steps were few, however, and her pleasure was mingled with an odd questioning in her mind. What all this about money could mean? A little footpath worn in the grass led her over the intervening fields to Mrs. Blumenfeld's garden. Christopher must have worn that path, going and coming, for the family had been supplied through the summer with milk from the dairy of the gardener's wife. Mrs. Blumenfeld was out among her beds of vegetables Esther saw as she drew near. She climbed over the fence, and in a few minutes was beside her. Wow! F. you ain't what I'd call a stranger, said the woman, good humoredly. I don't see you no more in the angels for all you're so near. I am going to school, Mrs. Blumenfeld, and that keeps me away from home almost all the week. How do you do? Dear me, I durnched to be anything but well, said the gardener's widow. If I ain't at both ends of everything, there ain't no middle to them. There ain't a soul to be trusted, thou didst yourself. It's kind of tedious. I get to the wrong end of my patience once in a while. Just look at them raspberry canes, and I sent a man only yesterday to tie him up. They ain't done know-how. But your garden always looks beautiful. Can you see it from your windows? I want to know. Not very much of it, but it always looks so bright and trim. It does now. While, you see, said Mrs. Blumenfeld, a garden ain't nothing if it ain't in order. I do despise shiftless ways. Now, just see them raspberry canes. What's the matter with them? I don't suppose you'd know if I showed you, said the good woman, checking herself with a half laugh. And there ain't no need, as I know, why I should bother you with my bothers. But it's human nature, ain't it? Is what human nature? Just that same? Or don't you never want to tell no one you troubles? Maybe you don't have none? She added, with an inquiring look in Esther's face. Young folks, the time for trouble ain't come yet. Oh yes, said Esther. I have known what trouble is. Have you, said the woman with another inquisitive look into the fair face? Maybe there is folks that don't show what they go through. I guess I'm one of that sort myself. Are you, said Esther, smiling? Certainly, to look at you. I never should think your life had been very crooked or very rough. You always seemed bright and peaceful. It was true. Mrs. Glugmanfield had a quiet, steady way with her, and both face and voice partook of the same calm, though energy and activity were at the same time as plainly manifested in every word and movement. Esther looked at her now, as she went among her beds, stooping here and there to remove a weed or pull off a decayed leaf, talking and using her eyes at the same time. Her yellow hair was come smooth and flat at both sides of her head and knotted up firmly in a tight little business knot behind. She wore a faded print dress and a shawl, also faded, wrapped around her, and tied by the ends at the back. But both shawl and gown were clean and whole, and gave her a thoroughly respectable appearance. At Esther's last remark, she raised herself up and stood a moment silent. While, she said, that's as far as you can see. It's been both crooked and rough. I may at look at it. Where's the use? And I don't talk of it, for I've nobody to talk to. But, as I said, human nature'd like to if it had a chance. I hate a soul in the world to speak to, and sometimes I feel as if I'd give all I've got in the world to talk. Then, mostly, I go into the garden and ride off the weeds. I tell you, they have to fly those times. But I believe folks was made to have company. Have you no children? Five of them, over there, the woman said, pointing away. Esther could only guess where, as it was not to the house. She was sorry, she had asked, and stood silent. Five of them, Mrs. Blumenfeld, repeated slowly. I had them, and I haven't them. And now, there is time when the world seems to me that's solitary that I'm a most scared at myself. Esther stood still, with mute sympathy, afraid to speak. I suppose, to you now, the world is all full of friends. The other went on more lightly, turning from her own troubles, as it were. No, said Esther gently, not at all. I am very much alone, and always have been. Maybe you like it? No, I do not like it. I sometimes wish very much for one or two friends who are not here. There came a sigh from the booze mug, the other woman, unwanted, and tail-telling, and heavy. My marriage weren't happy, she said, lower than her usual tone. I can manage the garden alone, and I just as leave. Two minds about a thing makes unpeace, and I set a great deal by peace. But it's awful lonely, life is, now and then. It is not that to me, said Esther sympathizingly, she was eager to speak, and yet doubtful just what to say. She fell back upon what perhaps is the safest of all, her own experience. Life used to be like that to me, at one time, she went on after a little pause. I was very lonely and sad, and didn't know how I could live without comfort. And then I got it. And as I got it, I think so may you. I think so may you. The woman looked at her, not in the least understanding what she would be at, yet fascinated by the sympathy, which she read plainly enough, and held by the beauty, by something besides beauty too, which she saw without being able to fathom it. For in Esther's eyes there was the intense look of love and the fire of joy, and on her lips the loveliest lines of tenderness were trembling. Mrs. Blumenfeld gazed at her, but what almost as soon have addressed an angel, if one had stood beside her with wings that proclaimed his heavenly descent. I'll tell you how I got comfort, Esther went on, keeping carefully away from anything that might seem like preaching. I was, as I tell you, dark and miserable and hopeless. Then I came to know the Lord Jesus, and it was just as if the Son had risen and filled all my life with sunlight. The woman did not remove her eyes from Esther's face. I want to know, she said at last. I've heard tell of such things, but I never see no one afford that had the knowledge of them like you seem to have. I've heard parson talk. This is not parson talk. I see taint, but what is it then? You see, I'm as stupid as a bumblebee. I don't understand nothing without its drove into me, unless it's my garden. If he asks me about cabbages or early corn, I can tell you, but I don't know more than the dead what you were talking about. Esther's eyes filled with tender tears. I want you to know, she said. I wish you could know. How am I going to do what I did? I prayed the Lord Jesus to let me know him. I prayed and prayed, and at last he came and gave me what I asked for. And now, I tell you, my life is all sunlight because he is in it. Don't you know, the Bible calls him the Son of righteousness. You only want to see him. See him? Echoed the woman. There's only one Son I can see, and that's the one that rises over in the East there and sets where he is going to set now, over the Jersey shore across the river. But when this other sun rises in the heart, he never sets anymore. And we have nothing to do with darkness anymore, when once we know him. Know him? Mrs. Blumenfeld again repeated Esther's words. Why, you're speaking of God, ain't you? You can know a human critter like yourself, but how can you know him? I cannot tell, said Esther, but he will come into your heart and make you know him. And when once you know him, then Mrs. Blumenfeld, you'll not be alone anymore, and life will not be dark anymore, and you will just grow happier and happier from day to day, and then comes heaven. Mrs. Blumenfeld still gazed at her. I never heard of such talk in all my life, she said. And that's the way you live now? Esther nodded. And all you did was to ask for it? Yes, but of course I studied the Bible to find out what the Lord says of himself, and to find out what he tells me to do and to be, for of course I must do his will, if I want him to hear my prayers. You see that? I expect that means a good deal, don't it? Yes. Maybe something I wouldn't like to do. You will like to do it, when once you know him, Esther said evenly. That makes all the difference. You know, we always love to please anybody that we love. The gardener's wife had become very thoughtful. She went along her garden bed, stooping here to strip a decayed leaf from a cabbage, and there to pick up a dry bean that had fallen out of its pod, or to pull out a little weed from among her lettuces. I'm much obliged to you, she said suddenly. You see, said Esther, it is as free to you as to be, and why shouldn't we be happy if we can? But there's those commandments. That's what scares me. You see, I'm a kind of self-hold woman. It is nothing but joy, when once you know him. But you say I must begin with doing what's set down? Certainly, as far as you know, or the Lord will not hear our prayers. Wouldn't it do after, said Mrs. Blumenfeld, raising herself up, and again looking Esther in the face. There was an odd mixture in the expression of her own, half serious, half keenly comic. It is not the Lord's way, said Esther greatly. Seek him, and obey him, and you shall know. But if you cannot trust the Lord's word for so much, there is no doing anything. Without faith it is impossible to please him. I don't suppose you come here just for to tell me all this, said Mrs. Blumenfeld. After again a pause. But I'm really bleached to ye. What's to go in that basket? I brought it to see if you could let us have a head of lettuce. I see you have some. Yes, and crisp and cool and nice, they be, just right. Well, I guess we can. See here, that basket won't hold no more than a bite for a bird. May I get you a bigger one? As Esther refused this, Mrs. Blumenfeld looked out her prettiest head of lettuce, skillfully detached it from the soil, and insinuated it into the little basket. But to the inquiry, how much was to pay, Mrs. Blumenfeld returned a slight shake of the head. I should like to see myself taken ascent from you, just you send over, or come, that's better, whenever you'd like a leaf or salad, or anything else, and if it's here, you shall have it, and glad. You are very kind. Well, no, I don't think that's my character. That'll tell you I'm honest. Well, goodbye, and come again, she cried after Esther. It's more than likely I'll want some more talking to. Esther went home slowly and musing. The beauty around her, which she had but half noticed at first coming out, now filled her with a great delight. Or, rather, her heart was so full of gladness that it flowed over upon all surrounding things. Sunny haze, and sweet smells of dry leaves and moss, and a mass of all rich neutral tents in browns and purples, just touched here and there for a painter's eye with a spot of clear color, a bit of gold, or a flare of flame. It all seemed to work its way into Esther's heart, and make it swell with pleasure. She stood still to look across the river, which lay smooth like a misty mirror, and gave only a rich, soft, and determinant reflection of the other shore. But the thoughts in Esther's mind were clear and distinct. Lonely? Had she ever been lonely? What folly! How could anyone be lonely who had the knowledge of Christ and His presence? What sufficient delight it was to know Him, and to love Him, and to be always with Him, and always doing His will, if poor Mrs. Blumenfeld only knew. End of Chapter 25 Recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen, Gilbert, Arizona Chapter 26 Of a Red Wallflower This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen, Gilbert, Arizona A Red Wallflower by Susan Warner, Chapter 26 Ways and Means Esther walked slowly home, delivered her basket to Barker, and went to her father. After the usual kiss and inquiry about how the week had been, he relapsed into his book, and she had to wait for a time to talk of anything else. Esther sat down with a piece of fancy work, and held her tongue till tea time. The house was as still as if nobody lived in it. The colonel occasionally turned to leaf. Now and then a puff of gas or sudden jet of flame in the Liverpool coal fire gave a sort of silent sound, rebuking the humanity that lived there. No noise was heard from below stairs. The middle-aged and well-trained servants did their work with the regularity and almost with the smoothness of machines. It occurred to Esther anew that her life was excessively quiet, and a thought of Pitt, and how good it would have been to see him arose again, as it had risen so many times, and then came the thoughts of the afternoon. With Christ, was not that enough? Doing his will and having it? Could she want anything more? Esther smiled to herself. She wanted nothing more. Barker came in with the tea kettle, and the cold tongue and the salad made the supper table look very comfortable. She made the tea, and the colonel put down his book. Do you never get tired of reading, Papa? Yes, my dear. One gets tired of everything. This was said with a discouraging half-breath of a sigh. Then you might talk a little for a change, Papa. Hoomph, whom should I talk to? Me, Papa, for one of somebody else. This suggestion fell dead. The colonel took his toast and tried the salad. Is it good, Papa? Esther asked, in despair at the silence. Yes, my dear, it is good. Vegetable salads are a little cold at this time of year. Papa, we were driven to it. Barker had not money enough this week to get you a partridge, and she says it has happened several times lately that you have forgotten to give her the usual amount for the weeks housekeeping. Then she says wrong. She told me several times she has not had enough, sir. In that, she may be right. Esther paused, questioning what this might mean. She must know. Papa, do you mean you give her insufficient money and do it at the time? I knew it at the time. There was another interval of greater length. Esther felt a little chill creeping over her. Yet she must come to an understanding with her father. That was quite indispensable. Papa, do you mean that it was inadvertence or was it necessity? How could it be inadvertence when I tell you I knew what I did? But Papa, Esther's breath almost failed her. Papa, we are living just as we always have lived. Are we? Somewhat dryly. There is my school in the course. And rent, and a horse to keep, and a different scale of market prices from that which we had in Seaforth, everything costs more here. There was the money for the sale of the place, said Esther vaguely. That was not a great deal, after all. It was a fair price, perhaps, but less than the house and ground were worth. The interest of that does not cover the greater outlay here. This was very dismayful. All the more because Colonel Gainesboro did not come out frankly with the whole truth. Esther was left to guess it, to fear it, to fancy it more than it was, perhaps. She felt that she could not have things left in this indeterminate way. Papa, I think it would be good that I should know just what the difference is, so that I might know how to bring in our expenses within the necessary limits. I have not ciphered it out in figures. I cannot tell you precisely how much my income is smaller than it used to be. Can you tell me how much we ought to spend in a week, Papa? And then we will spend no more. Parker will know when I give it to her. The Colonel had finished his tea and toast, which this evening he certainly did not enjoy, and went back to his book and his sofa. Though indeed he had not left his sofa, he went back to her climbing position and Esther moved the table away from him. She was bewildered. She forgot to bring for Parker. She sat thinking how to bring the expenses of the family within narrower limits. Hospital things alternated with the impossible in mind. She amused a good while. Papa, she said, breaking the silence at last. Do you think the air suits you here? No, I do not. I have no cause. You were better at seaforth? Decidedly, my chest always feels here a certain oppression. I suppose there is too much seer. Was not to see quite as near them at seaforth and saw there quite as much at hand, asked her thought. However, as she did not put entire faith in the truth of her father's conclusions, it was no use to question his premises. Papa, she said, suddenly, suppose we go back to seaforth? Suppose nonsense. No, sir, but I do not mean it as nonsense. I have had one year schooling. That will be invaluable to me. Now, with books, I can go on by myself. I can, indeed, Papa, and will. You shall not need to be ashamed of me. You are talking foolishly, Esther. I do not mean it foolishly, Papa. I do not mean it foolishly, Papa. If we have not the means to live here, and if the seaforth air is so much better for you, then there is nothing to keep us here but my schooling. And that, as I tell you, I can manage without. And I can manage right well, Papa. I have got so far that I can go on alone now. I am seventeen. I am not a child any longer. There was a few minutes silence, but probably that fact that Esther was a child no longer. Impel the Colonel to show her a little more consideration. Where would you go, he asked, a trifle dryly. Surely we could find a place, Papa. Couldn't you, perhaps, buy back the old house? The dear old house? Has Mr. Dallas took it to accommodate you? I guess he would give it up again. My dear, do not say, guess, in that very provincial fashion. I shall not ask Mr. Dallas to play at buying and selling in such a way. It would be trifling with him. I should be ashamed to do it. Besides, I have no intention of going back to Seaporth till your education is ended. And by that time, if I live to see that time, I shall have so little of life left, that it will not matter where I spend it. Esther did not know how to go on. Papa, could we not do without Bonaparte? I could get to school some other way. How? Esther pondered. Could another range to go and Mrs. Blumenfeld's wagon when it goes in Monday morning? Who is Mrs. Blumenfeld? Why, Papa, she is the woman that has the market garden over here. You know. Do I understand you are right, said the Colonel, laying his book down for the moment and looking over at his daughter. Are you proposing to go into town with the cabbages? Papa, I do not mind. I would not mind at all. If it would be a relief to you. Mrs. Blumenfeld's wagon is very neat. My dear, I am surprised at you. Papa, I would do anything rather than give you trouble. And after all, I should be just as much myself if I did go with the cabbages. We will say no more about it, if you please, said the Colonel, taking up his book again. One moment, Papa. One word more. Papa, I am so afraid of doing something I ought not. Can you not give me a hint what sort of proportion our expenditures ought to bear to our old ways? There is the rent and the keeping of the horse to be made good. Those are additions to our expenses, and there are no additions to my income. You know now as much as I can tell you. The discussion was ended, and left Esther chilled and depressed. The fact itself could be born, she thought, if it were looked square in the face and met in the right spirit. As it was, she felt involved in a mesh of uncertainty. The rent, she knew how much that was. No such great matter. How much bonaparties keep amounted to she had no idea. She would find out. But how to save even a very few hundred dollars, even one or two hundred, by retrenchment of the daily expenses Esther did not see. Better, she thought, make some great change, cut off some larger item of the household living, and so cover the deficit at once, then spare a partridge here and a pound of meat there. That was the kind of petty and vexing care which revolted her. Far better dispense with bonaparte at once, and go into town with the cabbages. It will be seen that Esther as yet was not possessed of that which we call knowledge of the world. It did not occur to her that the neighborhood of the cabbages would hurt her, though it might hurt her fastidious taste. It would not hurt her, Esther thought, and what did the rest matter? Anything but this pinching and sparing penny by penny. But if she drove into town with the cabbages, that would only dispose of bonaparte. The other item, the rent, would remain unaccounted for. How should that be made up? Esther pondered, brooded, tired herself with thinking. She could not talk to Barker about it, and there was no one else. Once more she felt a little lonely and a good deal helpless, though energies were strong within her to act if she had known how to act. She mounted the stairs to her room within an unusual slow step, and shut her door, but she had brought her trouble in with her. Esther went to her window to look out. As we all are so apt to do when some trouble seems too big for the house to hold, there is a vague counsel taking in nature, to which one is impelled at such times, or is it sympathy-seeking? The sweet October afternoon had passed into a sweetened evening, the hazy stillness was unchanged, and through the haze the silver rays of a half moon, high in the heavens came with the tenderest touch, and the most gracious softness upon all earthly things. There was a vaporous glitter on the water of the Broad River, a dewy or hazy veil on land. The scene could not be imagined more witching fair or more removed from any sort of discordance. Esther stood looking, and her heart calmed down. She had been feeling distressed under the question of ways and means. Now it occurred to her, take no thought for the morrow, what ye shall eat or what ye shall drink. Your father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. And as the words came, Esther shook off the trouble they condemned, shook it off her shoulders, as it were, and left it lying. Still she felt alone. She wished for pit Dallas or for somebody. She had no one but her father in all the world, nor the hope of anyone, and happy as she really was, yet the human instinct would stir in Esther, the instinct that longs for intercourse, sympathy, affection, somebody to talk to, to counsel with, to share in her joys and sorrows and experiences generally. It is a perfectly natural and justifiable desire. Stronger perhaps in the young than in the old, for the old know better how much and how little society amounts to, and are not apt to have such violent longings in general for anything. But also to the old, loving companionship is inexpressibly precious, the best thing by far that this world contains or this life knows. And Esther longed for it now, even till tears rose in dimmed her sight, and made all the moonshiny landscapes swim and melt and be lost in the watery veil. But then, as the veil cleared and the moonlight came into view again, came also other words into Esther's mind. Be content with such things as you have, for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. She cleared away her tears and smiled to herself in happy assurance and wonder that she should have forgotten, and with that other words still came to her, words that had never seemed so exceeding sweet before. None of them that trust in him shall be desolate. That is a sure promise. Fear not, Abraham, I am thy shield and thine exceeding great reward. Probably when this word was given, the father of the faithful was laboring under the very same temptation to think himself alone and lonely, and the answer to his fears must be sufficient, or he who spoke it would never have spoken it to him just at that time. Esther stood awhile at her window, thinking over these things, with a rest and comfort of heart indescribable, and finally laid herself down to rest with the last shadow gone from her spirit. It could not be, however, but that the question returned the next day what was to be done. Expenses must not outrun incomeings. That was a fixed principle in Esther's mind, resting as well on honor as honesty. Evidently, when the latter do not cover the former, one of two things must be done. Expenses must be lessened, or income increased. How to manage the first, Esther had failed to find, and she hated the idea, besides, of a penny-a-penny economy. Could their incomeings be attitude? By teaching, it flashed into Esther's mind with a disagreeable illumination. Yes, that she could do, that she must do, if her father would not go back to Seaforth. There was no other way. He could not earn money. She must. If they continued to live in or near New York, it must be on her part as a teacher in a school. The first thought of it was not pleasant. Esther was tempted to wish they had never left Seaforth, if the end of it was to be this. But after the first start of revulsion, she gathered herself together. It would put an end to all their difficulties. It would be honorable work and good work. And, after all, work, in some sort, is what everybody should have. Nobody is put here to be idle. Perhaps this pressure of circumstances was on purpose to push her into the way that was meant for her. The way in which it was the Lord's pleasure she should serve him and the world. And having got this view of it, Esther's last reluctance was gone. For, you see, what was the Lord's pleasure was also hers. Her heart grew quite light again. She saw what she had to do. But for the first, the thing was, to go as far in her learning as her father desired her to go. She must finish her own schooling. And if Esther had studied hard before, she studied harder now, applied herself with all the power of her will to do her utmost in every line. It was not a vague thought of satisfying Pitt Dallas that moved her now, but a very definite purpose to take care of her father, and a ready joy to do the will of him whom Esther loved even better than her father. The thought of Pitt Dallas, indeed, went into abeyance. Esther had something else to do. And the summer had passed and he had not come. That hope was over. And two years more must go by, according to the plan which Esther knew, before he would come again. Before that time, who could tell? Perhaps he would have forgotten them entirely. It happened one day, putting some drawers in order, that Esther took up an old book and carelessly opened it. Its leaves fell apart at a place where there lay a dry flower. It was the sprig of red charanthus, not faded, still with its velvety petals rich tinted, and still giving forth the faint sweet fragments which belongs to the flower. It gave Esther a thrill. It was a remaining fragment of Pitt's Christmas bouquet, which she had loved and cherished to the last leaf as long as she could. She remembered all about it. Her father had made her burn all the rest. This blossom only had escaped, without her knowledge at the time. This sight of it went to her heart. She stood still by her chest of drawers with the open book in her hand, gazing at the wallflower in its persistent beauty. All came back to her. Seeforth, her childish days, Pitt and her love for him, and his goodness to her, the sorrow and the joy of that old time, and more and more the dry flower struck her heart. Why had her father wanted her to burn the others? Why had she kept this? And what was the use of keeping it now? When anything, be it a flower, be it a memory, which has been fresh and sweet, loses altogether its beauty and its savor, what is the good of still keeping it to look at? Truly the flower had not lost either beauty or savor, but the memory that belonged to it? What had become of that? Pitt let himself no more be heard from. Why should this little placekeeper be allowed to remain any longer? Would it not be wiser to give it up and let the wallflower go the way of its former companions? Esther hath thought so, almost made the motion to throw it in the fire, but yet she could not. She could not quite do it. Maybe there was an explanation. Perhaps Pitt would come next time when another two years had rolled away and tell them all about it. At any rate, she would wait. She shut up the book again, carefully, and put it safely away. End of Chapter 26, Recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen, Gilbert, Arizona It seemed very inexplicable to Esther that Pitt was never heard from, not a scrap of a letter had they had from him since they came to New York. Mr. Dallas, the elder, had written once or twice, mostly on business, and said nothing about his son. That was all, Mrs. Dallas never wrote. Esther would have been yet more bewildered if she had known that the lady had been in New York two or three times and not merely passing through, but staying to do shopping. Happily she had no suspicion of this. One day, late in the autumn, Christopher Bounder went over to Mrs. Blumenfeld's garden. It lay in pretty fall order, trim and clean, bushes pruned, canes tied up, wines laid down, leaves raked off, all the work done up to the very day. Christopher bestowed an approving glance around him as he went among the beds. It was all right and ship shape. Nobody was visible at the moment, and he passed on round the house to the rear, from whence he heard a great racket made by the voices of poultry. And there they were, as soon as he turned the corner he saw them, a large flock of hens and chickens, geese, tucks and turkeys, all wobbling and squabbling. In the midst of them stood the gardener's widow with her hands in the pockets of a great canvas apron, or rather with her hands in and out, far from the pockets which were something enormous. She was fetching and distributing handfuls of oats and corns to her feathered beneficiaries. Christopher drew near, as near as he could, for the turkeys, and Mrs. Blumenfeld gave him a nod. Good morning, ma'am. Good day to ye. Thumbs afire in a lot of turkeys. Christopher really had a good deal of education, and even knew some Latin. Nevertheless, in common life, the instincts of his early habits prevailed, and he said them by preference. Ain't they, rejoined Mrs. Blumenfeld. They are ought to be, for they have given me plague enough. Every sprang, I think, it's the last turkeys on race, and every winter, just as regular, I think it'd be well to set more turkey eggs next year than I did this year. You see, a good fat roast turkey is what you can beat. Not in this country. Nor can't he cool in England. But aren't you? Go to the game covers for it. There for the market, I suppose. Well, I calculate to send some of them. I do kill a turkey once in a while for myself, blah. How long do you think it takes me to eat up a turkey? I got sick of it before I'm done. Yvonne Company suggested Mr. Bounder. But to this, the lady made no answer at all. She finished scattering her grain and then turned to her visitor, ready for business. Christopher could nod but look at her with great approbation. She was dressed much as Esther had seen her a few weeks before. A warm shower, wrapped and tied around the upper part of her person, bareheaded, hair in neat and tight order and her hands in a capacious pocket. Now I can attend here, she said, leaving the chickens and geese, which for the present were quiet, picking up their breakfast. But Mr. Bounder did not go immediately to business. That's a capital notion of an apron, he said admiringly. Ain't it? She answered. Oh, I'm great on notions. I believe in saving yourself all the trouble you can, provided you don't lose no time by it. There is, folks, you know, that Airsoft had it enough to think they can get rid of trouble by losing their time. I know that sort. I should say you have none of that sort of people about you. Well, I don't, not if I can help it. Anyway, if I get him contrived to losing him again, but what was he wanting? I came to see if he could let us have our winter's onions. White onions, you know. It's all the sort we can do with, about the house. Onions, said Mrs. Blumenfeld. Why, hey, you raise your own onions. I want to know. You've got a garden. That is true, Mum, said Christopher. But all the onions, as was in, it is gone. Then you didn't plant enough. And that's true, too, said Christopher. But I can't say, as I take any blame to myself for it. Sakes alive, man. Ain't you the gardener? At your service, Mum. Well, then why, when you were about it, why didn't you sow your seeds according to your needs? I said all the seed I had. All you had, cried the little woman. That sounds kind of like shiftless. And I don't take you for that sort of man, neither, Mr. Bounder. Much obliged for your good opinion, Mum. Then why didn't you give more onion seed, do tell, when you knowed you hadn't enough? As I said, Mum, I much obliged for your good opinion, which I hope I deserve. There is reason which must determine a man, upon occasion, to do what you would not approve, unless you also know the reasons. This sounded oricular. The two stood and looked at one another. Christopher explained himself no further, however. Mrs. Blumenfeld's understanding appeared to improve. She looked first inquisitive and then intelligent. That comes kind of hard upon me, at the end, she said with a somewhat humorous expression. You see, I've made a vow. You believe in vows, Mr. Bounder? I do, Mum, of the right sort. I don't make no other. Well, I've made a vow to myself, you see. Look here. What do you call that, Saint Euron? Up to your house? I don't follow you, Mum, said Christopher. A good deal mystified. You know you've got a saint there, I suppose. What's her name? That's what I want to know. Do you mean Miss Esther? Ah, that's it. I never heard of a saint Esther. There was an Esther in the Bible, I'll tell you. She was a Queen Esther, and that fits. Ain't she kind of a Queen? But she is the other thing, too. Look here, Mr. Bounder. Be you all saints up to your house? Well, no, Mum, not exactly. That's not altogether the description I'd give of some of us, if I was stating my opinion. Don't you think you had ought to be that? Perhaps beyond, said Christopher, with a wondering, slow admission. I can tell you, there ain't no questions about it. Folks had ought to live up to their privileges, and you've got a patent there right before your eyes. I have no opinion of you, if you ain't all better than common folks. It'd be, I know, if I lived a bit where she was. It's different with the young lady, Christopher began. Why is it different? said the woman sharply. You and me, we've got as good right to be saints as she has, or anybody. I tell you, I've made a vow, I ain't no saint, but I'm going to sell her no onions. Mum, said Christopher, astounded. Nor nothing else. Mrs. Blumenfeld went on. How many do you want? Mr. Bounder's bits were not quick enough to follow these sharp, yanky turns. Like the shapes his countrymen built, he could not come about so quick. It is curious how the qualities of people's mind get into their shipbuilding and other handicraft. It was not till Mrs. Blumenfeld had repeated her question that he was able to answer it. I suppose, Mum, a half a bushel won't be no more than enough to go through with. Well, I've got some. The Godner's widow went on. The right sort, white and as soft as cream and as sweet as onions can be. I'll send you up a bag of them. But then I must be allowed to pay for them, said Christopher. I tell you, I won't sell her nothing, neither onions nor none else. Then, Mum, it's very handsome of you, Mum, that I must say I won't deny, but in that case, I'm afraid Miss Esther would prefer that I should get the onions somewhere else. Just you hold your tongue about it, and I'll send up this ass, and if your Queen Esther says anything, you tell her it's all paid for. What else do you want? That's my way. While she spoke, Mrs. Blumenfeld was carefully detaching a root of celery from the rich loose soil which enveloped it, and shaking the white stalks free from their encumbrance. Mr. Bounder, though while looking on approvingly, both at the celery, which was beautifully long and white and delicate, and at the condition of things generally on the ground, all of which his eyes took in, although he was too much of a magnate in his own line to express the approval he felt. There, said Mrs. Blumenfeld, eyeing her celery stalks. Can you be that where you come from? It's very fair, said Christopher. Very fair. But England can beat the world, Mum. In gardening and that, I suppose you can't expect it of a new country like this. Can't expect what? To beat the world? You just wait a bit, till you see. You just only wait a bit. What do you think of England and America going into partnership? Asked Mr. Bounder, pending to pick up a refused stem that Mrs. Blumenfeld had rejected. Think we couldn't be a match for most things united? I found myself a match for most things, as it is. Returned the lady promptly. But you must want help sometimes, said Christopher, with a sharp and somewhat sly glance at her. When I do, I get it, or I do without it. That's when you can't get the right kind, just so. It ain't for a man properly to say what he can do or what he can do. Words is but breadth, they say, and those as know a man can give a pretty good guess what he's good for. But, however, when he's speaking to them as don't know him, perhaps it ain't no more but fair that he should be allowed to speak for himself. Now, if I say that according to the best of my knowledge and belief, what I offer you is the right kind of help. You won't think it's a brag or bustler, I hope. Why, shouldn't I? said the little woman. But Christopher thought the tone of the words was not discouraging. They does all his practice fence, he thought to himself. Well, ma'am, if you have ever been up to our place in the summertime, you may have seen our garden, and to elate your experience, I need to say no more. Well, said Mrs. Blumenfeld, by way of conceding so much, I'll allow Colin O'Gainesborough has a pretty fair gardener, if he is some foreign notions. I'll bring them foreign notions to your help, ma'am, said Mr. Boundary eagerly. I know my business as well as any man on this side or that side, either. It's no boasting to say that. Sound something like it? But will the colonel do without you or the colonel's garden? That's what I can make out. Have you and he had a falling out? And the speaker raised herself up straight and looked full at her visitor. There is nothing like that possible, said Mr. Boundary solemnly. The colonel ain't going to do without me, my woman. No more can't I do without the colonel, I may say. I've lived in the family now just twenty years, and as long as I can grow spinach, they ain't going to eat no other without its yours, ma'am. Christopher added, with a change of tone, or yours and mine, you see, the ground is so near, that going over to one ain't forsaken the other, and the colonel, he hasn't really space and plays for a man that can do what I can do. And what is your propose? That you should take me, ma'am, for your headman. The two were standing now, quite still, looking into one another's eyes. A little sly audacity in those of Christopher, while a smile played about his lips that was both knowing and conciliating. Mrs. Blumenfeld eyed him gravely, with the calm air of one who was quite his match. Christopher could tell nothing from her face. I suppose, she said, I'll want ridiculous wages. By no means, ma'am, said Christopher, waving his hand. There never was nothing ridiculous about you, or punch anybody's head that says it. Mrs. Blumenfeld shook the last remnant of soil from the celery roots, and handed the bunch to Christopher. There, she said, you may take them along with you, I'll want them for dinner, and I'll send up the onions, and the rest I'll think about. Good day to you. Christopher went home well content. End of Chapter 27 Chapter number 28 of A Red Wolf Flower This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Shashank Jagmola. A Red Wolf Flower by Susan Warner, Strawberries. The winter passed, Esther hardly knew how. For her, it was in a depth of study, so absorbing that she only now and then, and by minutes gave her attention to anything else. Or perhaps I should say, her thoughts. For certainly, the colonel never liked his ordinary care, which she gave him morning and evening, and indeed all day. When she was at home, with a tender punctuality, she proved the utmost attention. But even while ministering to him, Esther's head was up to be running on problems of geometry and ages of history and constructions of language. She was so utterly engrossed with her work that she'd gave little heat to anything else. She did notice that Pettalis still sent them no reminders of his existence. It sometimes occurred to her that the housekeeping in the hands of Mrs. Berger was becoming more and more careful, but the only way she saw to remedy that was the way she was pursuing, and she went only the harder at her constructions and translations and demonstrations. The colonel lived his life without any apparent change. And so went weeks and months. Winter passed and spring came. Spring ran its course, and the school year at last was at an end. Esther came home for the long vacation, and then one day, Mrs. Berger confided to her reluctantly that the difficulties of her position were increasing. You ask me, why don't I get more strawberries, Miss Esther? My dear, I can't do it. Cannot get strawberries, but they are in a plenty now and cheap. Yes, ma'am, but there are so many other things, Miss Esther. The housekeeper looked distressed. Esther was startled and hesitated. You mean you have not money, Barker? Papa does not give you enough. He gives me the proper sum, Miss Esther. I'm certain, but I can't make it do all it should do to have things right and comfortable. Do you have less than you used at the beginning of winter? Yes, ma'am. I didn't want to trouble you, Miss Esther, for to be sure you can't do nothing to help it, but it's just growing slimmer and slimmer. Never mind. I think I know how to make matters by and by. If we can only get along for a little further, we must have some things, and my father likes fruit. You can get strawberries from Mrs. Blumenfeld down here. Can you not? No, ma'am, said the housekeeper, looking embarrassed. She won't sell us nothing. That woman won't. Will not sell us anything? I thought she was so kind. What is the matter? Is there not a good understanding between her and us? There's too good an understanding, ma'am, and that's the truth. We don't want no favors from the likes of her. And now, Christopher, what of Christopher? Han said nothing to the colonel. To Papa? No. About what? He's gone and made an ass of himself, asked Christopher. Send the housekeeper coloring with displeasure. Why? How? What has he done? He ain't done none yet, ma'am, but he's bound he will do the foolishest thing a man of his ears can do, and he wants me to stand by and see him. I do lose my patience whilst where I can't find it, as if Christopher hadn't enough to think of it without that. Man is all just creatures without the power of thought and foresight. Todd? Why, that is precisely what is supposed to be their distinguishing privilege, said Esther, a little inclined to laugh, and Christopher was always very foresighted. He ain't now, then, muttered his sister. What is he doing? Miss Esther, that yellow-haired woman has got hold of him. That was said with a certain sobnity. So that Esther was very much bewildered and most incoherent visions flew past her brain. She waited dumbly for more. She has, ma'am, the housekeeper repeated, and Christopher ain't a babby no more, but he's stuck, and that's what he is. I wish, Miss Esther, as if that would do any good, that we'd stay in Seaforth very well. I'm that provoked. I don't rightly know myself. Christopher ain't a babby no more, but it seems that don't keep a man from being wuss on a fool. Do you mean—yes, ma'am, that's what he has done, just that, and I might as well talk to my spoons. I've known it a while, but I was purely ashamed to tell you about it. I always gave Christopher the respect belonging to a man of sense, if he weren't in high places. But what has he done? Didn't I tell you, Miss Esther, that yellow-haired woman has got hold of him? Yellow-haired woman? Yes, ma'am, the gardener woman down here. Is Christopher going to take service with her? He don't call it that, ma'am. He speaks gay about being his own master. I reckon he'll find two ain't as easy to manage as one. She knows what she's about, and that woman does, or my name ain't Sarah Barker. Do you mean, cried Esther, do you mean that he is going to marry her? That's what I've been telling you, ma'am, all along. He's going to marry her. That he is, and for as old as he is, I should know better. Oh, but Christopher is not old. That is nothing. He is young enough. I did not think, though, he would have left us. And that, ma'am, is just what he's above all sure and certain he won't do. I tell him a man can't walk two ways to once, nor he can't serve two masters, even if one of them is himself, which that yellow-haired woman won't let come about. No, ma'am. He's certain sure he'll never leave the colonel, ma'am. That ain't his meaning. Esther went silently away, thinking many things. She was more amused than anything else, with the light-heartedness of youth. Yet she recognized the fact that this might introduce other changes. At any rate, it furnished an occasion for discussing several things with her father. As usual, when she wanted a serious talk with the colonel, she waited till the time when his attention would be turned from his book to his cup of tea. Papa, she began, after the second cup was on its way. Have you heard anything lately of Christopher's plan? Christopher's plan? I did not know he had any plans, said the colonel dryly. He has Papa, said Esther, divided between a desire to laugh and a feeling that, after all, there was something serious about the matter. Papa, Christopher has fallen in love. Fallen in what? shouted the colonel. Papa, please take it softly. Yes, Papa, really. Christopher is going to be married. He has not asked my consent. No, sir, but you know, Christopher is of age, said Esther, unable to maintain a gravity in any way corresponding to that of her father's face. Don't take that folly. What do you mean? He has arranged to marry Mrs. Blumenfeld, the woman who keeps the market garden over here. He does not mean to leave us, Papa. The places are so near, you know, he thinks, I believe, he can manage both. He is a fool. Barker is very angry with him, but that does not help anything. He is an ass, repeated the colonel hotly. Well, that settles one question. What question, Papa? We have done with Christopher. I want no half-service. I suppose he thinks he will make more money, and I am quite willing he should try. Esther could see that her father was much more seriously annoyed than he chose to show. His tone indicated a very unusual amount of disturbance. He turned from the table and took up his book. But Papa, how can we do without Christopher? There was no answer to this. I suppose he really has a great deal of time to spare. Our garden ground is so little, you know. He does not mean to leave us all. I mean he shall. Esther sat silent and pondered. There were other things she wished to speak about. Was not this a good occasion? But she hesitated long how to be gin. The colonel was not very deep in his book. She could see. He was too much annoyed. Papa, she said slowly after a while. Are our circumstances any better than they were? Circumstances? What do you mean? Money, Papa. Have we any more money than we had when we talked about it last fall? Where is it to come from? Sit the colonel in the same short, dry fashion. It was the fashion in which he was worn to treat unwelcome subjects and always drove Esther away from a theme, unless it were too pressing to be avoided. Papa, you know I do not know where any of our money comes from, except the interest on the price of the sale at Seaforth. I do not know where any more is to come from. Then, Papa, don't you think it would be good to let my schooling stop here? No. Papa, I want to make a very serious proposition to you. Do not laugh at me. The colonel looked like anything but laughing. But listen to me patiently. You know we cannot go on permanently as we have done this year, paying out more than we took in. That is my affair. But it is for my sake, Papa, and so it comes home to me. Now this is my proposal. I have really had schooling enough. Let me give lessons. Let you do what? Lessons, Papa. Let me give lessons. I have not spoken to Miss Fairburn, but I am almost sure she would be glad of me. One of her teachers is going away. I could give lessons in Latin and French and English and drawing and still have time to study. And I think it would make up perhaps all the deficiency in our income. The colonel looked at her. You have not spoken of this scheme to anybody else. No, sir. Of course not. Then do not speak of it. You do not approve of it, Papa? No. My purpose in giving you an education was not that you might be a governess. But, Papa, it would not hurt me to be a governess for a while. It would do me no sort of hurt, and it would help our finances. There is another thing I could teach. Mathematics. I have settled that question, said the colonel, going back to his book. Papa said the girl after a pause. May I give lessons enough to pay for the lessons that are given me? No. But, Papa, it troubles me very much to thought that we are living beyond our means and on my account. And Esther now looked troubled. Leave all that to me. Well, it was all very well to see. Leave that to me. But Esther had a strong impression that matters of this sort so left would not meet very thorough attention. There was an interval here of some length during which she was pondering and trying to get up her cottage to go on. Papa. She broke the silence doubtfully. I do not want to disturb you, but I must speak a little more. Perhaps you can explain. I want to understand things better. Papa, do you know Barker has still less money now to do the marketing with than she had last year? Well, what do you want explained? The tone was dry and not encouraging. Papa, she cannot get the things you want. Do I complain? No, sir, certainly. But is this necessary? Is what necessary? Papa, she tells me she cannot get you the fruit you want to have. You are stinted in strawberries and she has not money to buy raspberries. Call Barker. The call was not necessary, for the housekeeper at this moment appeared to take away the tea things. Mrs. Barker said the colonel, you will understand that I do not wish any fruit purchased for my table, not until for their orders. The housekeeper glanced at Esther and answered with her decorous, certainly, sir, and with that, for the time the discussion was ended. Hay and Oats But it is in the nature of this particular subject that the discussion of it is apt to occur. Esther kept silence for some time, possessing herself in patience as well as she could. Nothing more was said about Christopher by anybody, and things with her old train, minus peaches to be sure, and also minus pears and plums and nuts and apples, articles which Esther at least missed, whether her father did or not. Then fish began to be missing. I thought, Mrs. Esther dear, said Mrs. Barker when this failure in the menu was mentioned to her. I thought maybe the colonel wouldn't mind if he had a good soup, and the fish ain't so nourishing, they say, as the meat of the lamb creatures. Is it because they drink so much water, Mrs. Esther? But I think Papa does not like to go without his fish. Then he must have it, Mum, to be sure, but I'm sure I don't know just rightly how to procure it. It must be done, however. The housekeeper's face looked doubtful, notwithstanding her words of assurance, and a vague fear seized her young mistress. Do not get anything you have not money to pay for at any rate, she said impressively. Well, Mum, and there it is, cried the housekeeper. There are things that cannot be dispensed with in no gentleman's house. I thought maybe fish need me counted among them things, but now it seems it must. I may as well confess, Mrs. Esther, that last barrel of flour ain't been paid for yet. Not paid for, cried Esther in horror. How came that? Well, Mum, just that I hadn't the money, and bread must be had. Not if it cannot be paid for, I would rather starve if it comes to that. You might have got a lesser quantity. No, Mum, replied the housekeeper. You have to have the whole barrel in the end, and if you get it by bits you pay every time for the privilege. No, Mum, that ain't no economy. It's one of the things that kills poor people. They have to pay for having every quart of onions measured out to them. I'm afraid Christopher ain't had no money for his hay and his oats that he's got laterally. Hay and oats, cried Esther. Would he get them without orders and means? I suppose he thinks he has his orders from nature. The horse can't be let to go without his vegetables, Mum, and means Christopher hadn't. Mourn a quart enough, what was he to do? Esther stood silent in pale, making no demonstration, but the more profoundly moved and dismayed. And what's harder on my stomach than all the rest, the housekeeper went on, is that woman sitting us milk. That woman, Mrs. Blumenfeld? Which it was her name, Mum. Was? You do not mean, is Christopher really married? He says that, Mum, and I suppose he knows. He's back and forth, and I'll live nowhere as I tell him. And the milk comes plentiful, and to be sure the colonel likes his glass of a morning. And curds, and blommage, and the like, I see he's no objection to, but thanks I to myself, if he knowed, it wouldn't go down quite so easy. If he knew what, don't you pay for it? I pay that, Mrs. Esther, if I paid nothing else. But Christopher's beyond my management and won't hear of no money, nor his wife neither, he says. It's uncommon impudence, Mum, that's what I think it is. Set her up to give us milk and onions and celery, and she would send apples too, only I durson put him on the table, bein' forbidden, and so I tells Christopher. Esther was penetrated through and through with several feelings while the housekeeper spoke. Touched with a kindness manifested, but terribly humbled that it should be needed, and that it should be accepted. This must not go on, but in the meantime there was another thing that needed mending. Have you been to see your new sister, Barker? Me? That yellow-haired woman? No Mum, and have no desire. It would be right to go, and to be very kind to her. She's that independent Mum, she don't want no kindness. She's got her man, and I wish her joy. I am sure you may, said Esther, half- laughing. Christopher will certainly make her a good husband. Hasn't he been a good brother? Miss Esther said the housekeeper solemnly. The things is different. It's my belief there ain't half a dozen men on the face of the earth that is fit to have wives, and one and a half dozen I never see yet. Christopher is a good brother, Mum, as you say. As good as she'll find, maybe, I've not against him, as such, but then I ain't his wife, and that makes all the differ. There's no telling what men don't expect of their wives, when once they've got them. Expectations ought to be mutual, I should think, said Esther, amused. But it would be the right thing for you to go and see Mrs. Boundary at any rate, and to be very good to her. And you know, Barker, you always like to do what is right. There was a sweet persuasiveness in the tone of the last words, which at least silenced Mrs. Barker, and Esther went away to think what she should say to her father. The time had come to speak in earnest, and she must not let herself be silenced. Getting into debt on one hand and receiving charity on the other? Esther's pulses made it bound whenever she thought of it. She must not put it so to Colonel Gainesborough. How should she put it? She knelt down and prayed for wisdom, and then she went to the parlor. It was one Saturday afternoon in the winter, school business and full course, and Esther's head and hands very much taken up with her studies. The question of ways and means had been crowded out of her very memory for weeks past. It came with so much to sharper incisiveness now. She went in where her father was reading, poked the fire, brushed up the heart, finally faced the business in hand. Papa, are you particularly busy? Might I interrupt you? You have interrupted me, said the Colonel, letting his hand with books sink to his side and turning his face towards the speaker. But he said it with a smile and looked with pleased attention for what was coming. His fair, graceful, dignified daughter was a constant source of pride and satisfaction to him, though he gave little account of the fact to himself, and made scarce any demonstration of it to her. He saw that she was fair beyond most women, and that she had that refined grace of carriage and manner which she valued as belonging to the highest breeding. There was never anything careless about Esther's appearance, or hasty about her movements, or anything that was not sweet as balm in her words and looks. As she stood there now before him, serious and purposeful, her head, which was set well back on her shoulders, carried so daintily in the beautiful eyes intent with grave meaning amid their softness, Colonel Gainsborough's heart swelled in his bosom for the delight he had in her. What is it, he asked? What do you want to say to me? All goes well at school? Oh, yes, Papa, as well as possible. It isn't that, but I am in a great puzzle about things at home. Ah, what things? How about we want more money, or we need to make less expenditure? I must consult you as to which and the how. The Colonel's face darkened. I see no necessity, he answered. But I do, Papa. I see it so clearly that I am forced to disturb you. I am very sorry, but I must. I am sure the time has come for us to take some decided measures. We cannot go on as we are going now. I should like to ask, why not? Because, Papa, because the outlay and the income do not meet. It seems to me that it is rather my affair, said the Colonel Cooley. Yes, Papa, said Esther, with a certain eagerness. I like it to be your affair. Only tell me what I ought to do. Tell you what you ought to do about what? How to pay as we go, Papa, she answered in a lower tone. It is very simple, the Colonel said, with some impatience, that your expenses be regulated by your means. In other words, do not get anything you have not the money for. I should like to follow that rule, Papa, but then follow it, said the Colonel, going back to his book, as if the subject were dismissed. But, Papa, there are some things one must have. Very well, get those things. That is precisely what I mean. Papa, flowers, one of them. Yes, very well. What then? Our last barrel of flowers, not paid for. Not paid for? Why not? Barker could not, Papa. Barker should not have got it then. I allow him no debts. But, Papa, we must have bread, you know, that is one of the things that one cannot do without. What should she do? Esther said gently. She could go to the bakers, I suppose, and get a loaf for the time. But, Papa, the bread cost twice as much that way, or one-third more if not twice as much. I do not know the exact proportion, but I know it is very greatly more expensive so. The Colonel was well enough acquainted with the details of the commissary department to know it also. He was, for a moment, silenced. And, Papa, Bonaparte, too, must eat, and his oats and hay are not paid for. It went sharp to Esther's heart to say the words, for she knew how keenly they would go to her father's heart. But she was standing in the breach, and must fight her fight. The Colonel flew out in hot displeasure, sometimes, as we all know, the readiest disguise of pain. Who dared to get hay and oats in my name and leave it unpaid for? Christopher had not the money, Papa, and the horse must eat. Not without my order, said the Colonel. I will send Christopher about his own business. He should have come to me. There was a little pause here. The whole discussion was exceedingly painful to Esther, yet it must be gone through, and it must be brought to some practical conclusion. While she hesitated, the Colonel began again. Did you not tell me that the fellow had some ridiculous foolery with a market woman over here? I did not put it just so, Papa, I think, said Esther, smiling in spite of her pain. Yes, he is married to her. Mary, cried the Colonel, Mary, do you say? Has he had the impudence to do that? Why not, sir? Why not Christopher, as well as another man? Because he is my servant, and had no permission for me to get married while he was in the car. He did not ask permission. I suppose he dare not, Papa. You know you are rather terrible when you are displeased, but I think it is a good thing for us that he is married. Mrs. Blumenfeld is a good woman, and Christopher is disposed of whatever we do. Disposed of, said the Colonel. Yes, I have done with him. I want no more of him. Then Papa, said Esther, sinking down on her knees beside her father, and affectionately laying one hand on his knee. Don't you see this makes things easy for us? I have a proposition. Will you listen to it? A proposition? Say on. It is evident that we must take some step to bring our receipts and expenses into harmony. You are going without fruit and fish will not do it, Papa, and I do not like that way of saving, besides. I had rather to do it. And besides, I had rather make one large change, cut off one or two large things, than a multitude of small ones. It is easier and pleasanter. Now, so long as we live in this house, we are obliged to keep a horse. And so long as we have a horse, we must have Christopher or some other man. And so long as we keep a horse and a man, we must make this large outlay that we cannot afford. Papa, I propose we move into the city. Move? Where? asked the Colonel with a very unedified expression. We could find a house in the city somewhere, Papa, from which I could walk to Miss Fairbairns. That could not be difficult. Who is to find the house? Could not you, Papa? Buon aparthe would take you all over. The driving would not do you any harm. I have no idea where to begin, said the Colonel, rubbing his head in uneasy perplexity. I will find out that, Papa. I will speak to Miss Fairbairn. She is a great woman of business. She will tell me. The Colonel's still rubbished head thoughtfully. Esther kept her position. And readiness for some new objection. The next words, however, surprised her. I have sometimes thought the Colonel's fingers were all the while going through and through his hair. The action indicating, as such actions do, the mental movement and condition. I have sometimes thought lately that perhaps I was doing you a wrong in keeping you here. Here, Papa, in New York? No, in America. In America? Why, sir? Your family, my family, are all on the other side. You would have friends if you were there. You would have opportunities. You would not be alone. And in case I am called away, you would be in good hands. I do not know that I have the right to keep you here. Papa, I like to be where you like to be. Do not think of that. Why did we come away from England in the first place? The Colonel was silent with a gloomy brow. It was nothing better than a family quarrel, he said. About what? Do you mind telling me, Papa? No child, you ought to know. It was a quarrel on the subject of religion. How, sir? Our family have been independents from all time. But my father married a second wife, belonging to the Church of England. She won him over to her way of thinking. I was the only child of the first marriage. And when I came home from India, I found a house full of younger brothers and sisters, all belonging, of course, to the establishment, and my father with them. I was a kind of outlaw. The advancement of the family was thought to depend very much on the stand I would take. As after my father's death, I would be the head of the family. At least my stepmother made that a handle for her schemes, and she drove them so successfully that at last my father declared he would disinherit me if I refused to join him. In being a Church of England man? Yes. But, Papa, that was very unjust. So I thought, but the injustice was done. And you disinherited? Yes. Oh, Papa, just because you followed your own conscience, just because I held to the traditions of the family, we had always been independents. Fought with crime well and suffered under the stewards. I was not going to turn my back on a glorious record like that for any possible advantages of place and favor. What advantages, Papa? I do not understand. You spoke of that before. Yes, said the Colonel a little bitterly. In that particular, my stepmother was right. You little know the social disabilities under which those lie in England who do not belong to the established Church. For policy, nobody should be a dissenter. Dissenter, echoed Esther, the word awakening a long train of old associations, and for a moment her thoughts wandered back to them. Yes, the Colonel went on. My father bade me follow him. But with more than equal right, I called on him to follow a long line of ancestors, rather hundreds than one. Papa, in such a matter surely, conscience is the only thing to follow, said Esther softly. You do not think a man ought to be either independent or Church of England, just because his fathers have set him the example? You do not think example and inheritance are anything, said the Colonel? I think they are everything for the right, most precious, but they cannot decide the right. That a man must do for himself. Must he not? Republican doctrine, said the Colonel bitterly. I suppose, after I have gone, you will become a Church of England woman, just to prove to yourself and others that you are not influenced by me. Papa, said Esther, half laughing. I do not think that is at all likely, and I am sure you do not. And so that was the reason you came away? I could not stay there, said the Colonel, and see my young brother in my place, and his mother, ruling where your mother should by right have ruled. They did not love me either, why should they? And I felt more a stranger there than anywhere else. So I took the little property that came to me from my mother, to which my father in his will had made a small addition, and left England and home forever. There was a pause of some length. Who is left there now of the family, Esther asked? I have not heard. Do they never write to you? Never. Nor you to them, Papa? No, since I came away, there has been no intercourse whatever between our families. Oh, Papa, I am inclined to regret it now, for your sake. I am not thinking of that, but Papa, it must be 16 or 17 years now, isn't it? Something like so much. Oh, Papa, do write to them. Do write to them and make it up. Do not let the quarrel last any longer. Write to them and make it up, said the Colonel, rubbing his head again. In all his life Esther had hardly ever seen him do it before. They have forgotten me long ago, and I suppose they are all grown out of my remembrance, but it might be better for you if we went home. Never mind that, Papa. That is not what I am thinking of. Why, who could be better off than I am? But write and make it up, Papa. Do. It isn't good for families to live so in hostility. Do what you can to make it up. The Colonel sat silent, rubbing the hair of his head in every possible direction, while Esther is fancy for a while busyed itself with images of an unknown crowd of relations that seemed to flip before her. How strange it would be to have aunts and cousins, young and old family friends, such as other girls had, instead of being so entirely set apart by herself as it were. It was fascinating, the mere idea. Not that Esther felt her loneliness now. She was busy and healthy and happy, yet this sudden vision made her realize that she was alone. How strange and how pleasant it would be to have a crowd of friends of one's own blood and name. She mused a little while over this picture, and then came back to the practical present. Meanwhile, Papa, what do you think of my plan about getting a house in the city and giving up on a party and his oats? Don't you think it would be comfortable? The Colonel considered the subject now in a quieter mood, disgusted a little further, and finally agreed to drive into town and see what he could find in the way of a house. End of Chapter 29, recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen, Gilbert, Arizona. Chapter 30 A House. Yet the Colonel did not go. Days passed and he did not go. Esther ventured some gentle reminders, which had no effect. And the winter was gone and the spring was come, before he made the first expedition to the city in search of a house. Once started on his quest, it is true the Colonel carried it on vigorously, and made many journeys for it, but they were all in vain. Rents in the city were found to be so much higher than rents in the country, as fully to neutralize the advantage hoped for in a smaller household, and the dismissal of the horse. Not a dwelling could be found where this would not be true. The search was finally given up, and things in the little family went on as they had been going for some time past. Esther at last, under stress of necessity, made fresh representations to her father, and besought leave to give lessons. They were running into debt, with no means of pain. It went sorely against the grain with the Colonel to give his consent. Pride and tenderness both rebelled. He hesitated long, but circumstances were too much for him. He yielded at last, not with a groan, but with many groans. I came here to take care of you, he said, and this is the end of it. Don't take it so, Papa, Pride Esther. I like to do it. It is not a hardship. It is a hardship, he retorted, and you will find it so. I find it so now. Even so, Papa said the girl with infinite sweetness. Suppose it be a hardship. The Lord has given it to me, and so long as I am sure it is something He has given, I want no better. Indeed, Papa, you know I could have no better. I know nothing of the kind you are talking folly. No, Papa, if you please. Just remember. Look here, Papa. Here are the words. Listen. The Lord God is the Son and Shield. The Lord will give grace and glory. No good thing will he withhold from them that walk up brightly. Do you mean to tell me, said the Colonel angrily, that, well, that all the things that you have not just now and ought to have are not good things, not good for me, or at least not the best, or I should have them? This answer was with a smile so absolutely shadowless that the Colonel found nothing to answer but a groan, which was made up of pain and pride and pleasure in inscrutable proportions. The next step was to speak to Miss Fairburn. That wise woman showed no surprise and did not distress Esther with any sympathy. She took it as the most natural thing in the world that her favorite pupil should wish to become a teacher and promised her utmost help. In her own school there was now no longer any opening. That chance was gone, but she gave Esther a recommendation in person to the principal of another establishment wherein consequence Miss Gainsborough found ready acceptance. And now indeed she felt herself a stranger and found herself alone. This was a different thing from her first entering school as a pupil. And Esther began also presently to perceive that her father had not been entirely wrong in his estimate of a teacher's position and experiences. It is not a path of roses that such a one has to tread, and even the love she may bear to those she teaches, and even the genuine love of teaching them, do not avail to make it so. Woe to the teacher who has not those two alleviations and helps to fall back upon. Esther soon found both, and yet she gave her father credit for having known more about the matter than she did. She was truly alone now. The children loved her, but scattered away from her as soon as her tasks were done. Her fellow teachers she scarcely saw. They were busy and jaded, and with the world outside of school she had nothing to do. She had never had much to do with it, yet at Miss Fairburns she had sometimes a little taste of society that was of high order, and all in the house had been at least well known to her, and she to them, even if no particular congeniality had drawn them together. She had lost all that now. And it sometimes came over Esther in those days the thought of her English aunts and cousins as a vision of strange pleasantness, to have plenty of friends and relations of one's own blood, and therefore inalienable, well bred and refined and cultivated, whereby I am afraid Esther's fancy made them a multiplication of Pitt Dallas. It looked very alluring. She went bravely about her work, and did it beautifully, and was very contented in it, and relieved to be earning money. Yet these visions now and again would come over her mind, bringing a kind of distant, sunshiney glow with them, different from the light that fell on that particular bit of life's pathway she was treading just then. They came and went. What came and did not go was Esther's consciousness that she was earning only a little money, and that with that little she could not clear off all the debts that had accrued, and were constantly accruing. When she had paid the butcher, the grocers bill presented itself, and when she had after some delay got rid of that, then came the need for a fresh supply of coal. Esther spent nothing on her own dress that she could help, but her father's was another matter, and Taylor's charges she found were heavy. She went bravely on. She was young and full of spirit, and she was a Christian and full of confidence. Nevertheless, she did begin to feel the worry of these petty, nine money-cares, which have broken the heart of so many a woman before her. Moreover, another thing demanded consideration. It was necessary, now that she had no longer a haul with Ms. Farmer, that she should go into town and come back every day. And, furthermore, as she was giving lessons in a school, no circumstance of whether or anything else must hinder her being absolutely punctual. Yet Esther, of course, saw that as the winter came on again, it would be very difficult sometimes to maintain this punctuality, and it became clear to her that it would be almost indispensable for them to move into town, if only a house could be found. Meantime, Christopher went and came about the house, cultivated the garden, and took care of the horse, and drove Esther to school, all just as usual. His Wylo master never having, as yet, said one word to him on the subject of his marriage and consequent departure. Whether his wages were paid him, Esther was actually doubtful, but she dared not ask. I say Wylo master, for there is no doubt that Mr. Bounder in these days felt that nobody was his master but himself. He did all his duties faithfully, but then he took leave to cross the little field which lay between his old home and his new, and to disappear for whole spaces of time from the view of the Colonel's family. It was one evening in November, Mrs. Barker was just sitting down to her tea, and Christopher was preparing himself to leave her. I should remark that Mrs. Barker had called on the former Mrs. Blumenfeld, and established civil relations between the houses. Won't you stay, Christopher? asked his sister. No, thank ye. I've got a little woman over there who's expecting me. Does she set as good a table for you as I used to do? In those days when I could, the housekeeper added, with a sigh. Well, she ain't just up to some of your arts, said Christopher, with a contented face, in which his blue eyes twinkled with a little slowness. But I'll tell you what, she can cook a dish or pot pie that you can't beat nor nobody else, and her rye bread is just uncommon. Rye bread, said the housekeeper with an utterance of disdain. I'll bring a loaf over, said Christopher, nodding his head, and you can give some to Miss Esther if you like. Good night. He made a few steps of it through the dark cold evening to the house that had become his home. The room that received him might have pleased a more difficult man. It was as clean as hands could make it, bright with cleanliness, lighted and warm with a glowing fire, and hopeful with the most savory scent of supper. The mistress of the house was busy about her heart, looking neat and comfortable enough to match her room. As Christopher came in, she knit a candle that stood on the supper table. Christopher hugged himself at this instance of his wife's thrift and sat down. You've got something that smells uncommon good there, said he approvingly. I always do think odd supper is comfortable at the end of cold day, returned the new Mrs. Bounder. I don't care what I do as long as I'm busy with all the world all the day long. I can take a piece and a bite and go on. But when it comes night, and I have time to think I'm tired, then I like a good hot something or other. What have you got there, said Christopher, peering over at the dish on the hearth which Mrs. Bounder was filling full of pot before the fire. She laughed. You wouldn't be any wiser if I told you. It's a little of everything. Give me a good garden, and I can live as well as I want to, and cost no one more than a few shillings, neither. Take difficult, if you know how. Now see what you say to that. She dished up her supper, put a plate of green pickles on the table, filled up her teapot, and cut some slices from a beautiful brown loaf, which must have rifled the rye that was not that color. Christopher sat down, said grace reverently, and attacked the leons, while the mistress poured him out a cup of tea. Christopher, she said, as she handed it to him, I'd just like to ask you something. What is it? I'd like to know just why you go through that performance. Performance, echoed Christopher, what are you talking about? I mean that bit of a prayer you think it is right to make whenever you're going to put your fork to your mouth. Oh, I couldn't imagine what you were driving at. Why do I do it? I'd like to know, as you think you can tell. Respectable folk always does it. Hmm, I don't know about that. So it's for respectability, you keep it up? No, said Christopher, a little embarrassed how to answer. It's proper. Don't you know the Bible bids us give thanks? Wow, have you set out to do all the rest of the things the Bible bids you do? That's just what I'm coming to. A surly man would not perhaps have answered at all, resenting this catechizing. But Christopher was not surly and not at all offended. He was perplexed a little, looked at his wife in some sly wonder at her, but answered not. If I began, I'd go through. I wouldn't make no halfway with it. That's all I was going to say. His wife went on with a gray face that showed she was not jesting. It's saying a good deal about Christopher still looking at her. It's saying a good deal to make the first prayer. But if I made the first one, I'd make all the rest. I don't abide no half work in my garden, Christopher. That's what I was thinking. And I don't believe him you pray to likes it no better. Christopher was utterly unprepared to go on with this subject and finally gave up trying and attended to a supper. After a little while his wife struck a new theme. She was not a trained rhetorician. But when she had said what she had to say, she was always contented to stop. How are things going up your way today? She asked. My way is down here, I'm happy to say. Wow, up to the colonel stand. What's the news? Ain't no sorta news, never is. They're always at the old things. The colonel he lies on is Sophie. And Miss Esther, she goes and comes. They want to get a house in town. Now she's going so regular. Only they can't find one to fit. Can't find a house? I thought there was houses enough in all New York. House is enough. But they always is set up so high in their rents, you see. Is that the trouble? That is exactly the trouble. And Miss Esther, I can see. She doesn't know just what to do. They ain't getting along well, Christopher? Well, there's no doubt they ain't. I should say they was getting on uncommon bad. Don't seem as if they could anyway pay up all their bills at once. They pay this man, and then run up a new squirrel with some other man. Miss Esther, she tries all she knows, but there ain't no one to help her. They get this house cheaper than they get anyone in town, I guess. They'd best stay where they be. Yes, but you see, Miss Esther has to go and come every day now. She's teaching in a school, that's what she is, said Christopher. Letting his voice drop as if he were speaking of some desegration. That's what she is, and so she has to be there regular. Rain or shine makes no difference. And if they was in town, you see, they wouldn't want the horse, nor me. You don't cost them nothing, return, Mrs. Bounder. No, but they don't know that. And if they knowed it, you see, there'd be the devil to pay. I wouldn't give myself bad names if I was you, Mark, Mrs. Bounder quietly. Christopher, what then? I'm just thinking. What are you thinking about? Just you wait till I know myself, and I'll tell you. Christopher was silent, watching from time to time his spouse, who seemed to be going on with her supper in orderly fashion. Mr. Bounder was not misled by this, and watched curiously. He had acquired, in a few months, a large respect for his wife. Her very unadorned attire, and her peculiar way of knotting up her hair, did not hinder that he had a great and growing value for her. Christopher would have liked her certainly to dress better, and to put on a cap. Nevertheless, and odd as it may seem, he was learning to be proud of his very independent wife, and even boasted to his sister that she was a character. Now he waited for what was to come next. I guess I was a fool, began Mrs. Bounder at last. But it came into my head, if they're in such a fix, as you say, whether maybe they wouldn't take up with my house. I guess, hardly likely. Your house, inquired Christopher in astonishment, but his wife calmly nodded. Your house, repeated Christopher, which one? Well, not this one, I guess, said his wife quietly, but I've got one in town. A house in town? Why, I never heard of it before. No, because it's been standing empty for a spell back, doing nothing. If there had been rent coming in, I guess you'd have heard of it. But the last folks went out, and I hadn't found no one that suited me to let have it. Would it do for the Colonel, I miss Esther? That's just what I don't know, Christopher. It would do as far as the rent goes, and it's all right in tight. It won't let the rain in on them. I've kept it in order. I should like to see what you don't keep in order, said Christopher, admiringly. Well, I guess it's my imagination. For, come to think of it, it ain't just such a house as your folks are accustomed to. The thing is, said Christopher gravely, they can't have just what they're accustomed to, least ways I'm afraid they can't. I'll just speak to Miss Esther about it. Well, you can do that. Don't do no harm. I always think, when anybody's grown poor, he'd best take in his belt a little. End of chapter 30, recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen, Gilbert, Arizona.