 I fucking dragged it into the woods and And I buried it there. Was it dead before? Oh shit. Hey guys, it's fucking. It's the fucking Marty and Michael fuck off Can't fool coming at you coming at you straight out of the streets. We got hood rats. We got hood rats today. We got the beef Sorry about the late Podcast coming out. We were in Sydney and it was also a real fucked up story on there So it's hard to edit. Yeah, we had to cut a fair bit and if yeah, and if for some whatever reason and we Can get into trouble. It's not true But if we can't get into trouble then it is all it definitely happened 100% true. Anyway, what this I think we lost subscribers from that story. We definitely lost dignity dignity and Like pride that we don't have any or self-respect and like we didn't yeah have any anyway Yeah, well I had a little bit, but yeah, no that's gone No, my mind went as soon as I ripped the actually soon as I ate dog shit. Yep So when you were seven hmm, we were at a Facebook event with lots of other fucking people lots of other fucking Facebook So I come come around content creators from all over Australia to Facebook headquarters in Sydney And we'll have a chat about everything and then about 80 of us rocked up and you know lots of cool people there Some like, you know T old TV celebrities lots of people from Facebook and Instagram And then they taught us how to do Instagram stories. Yeah, which we already knew how to do and they told us like how to Monetize Facebook videos, which we already do. Yeah, we do know how to do that But you have to do most things but we sort of met some cool people, I guess Yeah, we met some cool people. So that was nice. Yeah, but yeah seven hours of listening to things that we already know how to do Yeah, and the flights each way costs about 150. Yeah, so we got to invoice him. Yeah. Yeah, they'll send an email I think you can invoice for such a small amount Yeah, true because I don't think 150 is even really like to that $1.50 $150. Yeah. Yeah, what are they like coins or something $150 coins? I don't know. I don't really use anything under them $500. Yeah, I don't even mention it. I usually don't even say the number unless it's 500 Yeah, yeah, I've seen you tell people to add on more money to pay for things. It's sometimes I'll drop $400 Just it falls out of my pocket $400 worth of coins and I don't pick it up You order a meal pay for it eat it then you'll pay for it again and not even get that meal again You'll just pay for it twice. Sometimes I just like to order things. Yeah, and then you'll throw it in the bin Or just leave it like I'll just order and then walk away ordering is the best part It's quite fun. Anyway, what else happened this week? You went to the movies and saw a Toy Story 4 Yeah, is it good? Yeah, it's all right fucking What else I am not drinking for Six weeks six weeks gone sober. It's one week yesterday No, even a problem. He's fucked. He's he wouldn't even attempt to do that because he's fucked use every day two cartons a week But yeah, I'm just not touching it for six weeks. It's not that hard. It's not that hard What do you replace it with water and Milk my milk. I don't know. There's just goats in our neighbor's yard. No, you know cows thing fuck. Yeah. Yeah. No, there was but They were escorted away, I think you were escorted away someone in the area was Sexually assaulting them. Did they kill him after they fucked them? No, no, they got roughed up a bit though Hey, they got fucking roughed up good Bruce is all over their hips One had a snapped hoof One's face was beaten so badly both its eyes were closed in And you could hear it new and all night, but So they had to yeah someone in the area there was doing that to them So they had to remove them from the neighborhood So now you can just have goat milk. Yeah. Yeah, I just gone feed on the goats It was the person fucking the cows interested in the goat. No, no go to like it's like another animal Disgusting yeah, okay pretty gross. You even think like that. Yeah yuck, but cows are fine, right? Oh, you know, obviously People out there do that. That's that's up to them. Maybe maybe they shouldn't have been so violent, but at the end of the day Some things get people off something yeah, some things don't some things don't get them off Some things do the cows might have liked it as well until they got beaten up after I think they like that too Like they can take quite quite a hefty beating like they're heavy solid creatures quite a hefty beating. Yeah, like it was it must have been 45 to an hour's worth of haymakers just left right hooks to that fucking things head To get it to the state that it was Lucky was it cornered in a small little backyard so the guy Whoever did it just had to sort of herd it into the corner isolated and then just fucking lay into the thing Bang bang bang bang God he was puffed. He was so puffed after who did it was so physically exhausted Had to go lie down for two didn't fuck it after he beat it Oh, no, that was a bit of fondling and fucking halfway through it. Okay. I would imagine will the cow be able to see I'm not sure to be honest. I haven't spoken to it. Well, no one has spoken to it. Whoever did it, but it's alive Yeah, yeah, yeah last I saw it was still moving Oh All right, that's shit talk today's date is the 27th of the 6 2023 and on this day the world's first ATM was installed in London in 1967 and that ATM is still there Imagine seeing the first ATM. You wouldn't trust it. You fucking trust it Do they have cards back then or do you just go and say what like what has a work back then? That's like like 50 years ago. So what they put cards in like I wouldn't trust an ATM It was the very first one. I would never use it. Oh my god I think I think a really clever thief had installed it and that wanted to take my money Anyway in 1979 heavy heavyweight Muhammad Ali retired for the third time What why would he oh, I guess he's what you got bored and he didn't have any enough Parkinson's yet Who would win out of Floyd Mayweather? The two different weights Just everyone be the same weight Yeah, well he would win because he's just so much bigger doesn't he what he flies like a butterfly and then he He stings like a cockroach In 1988 Mike Tyson KO's Michael spink in 91 seconds Did you know that Mike Tyson is a convicted rapist? Yeah, I did know that anyway famous birthdays Chloe Kardashian turns 34. Well, there you go. She's only four years older than me So when I was she thought she's the prettiest one to me. No, she's um, she looks like the What's it called the fucking thing that runs through the bushes the yaoi. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like a yaoi Chloe Kardashian. I'm pretty sure that's the one. Okay. Toby McGuire who played original Spider-Man turns 43 That's how old he is now 43. Whoa When he played spider-man the original he was only 19 No, yeah, I was like 15 years ago. So he would have been shit. I'll age 19 We're gonna be 43 like that There you go guys those are your birthdays and to anyone else's birthed out there statistically some of our viewers It will be their birthday because we have millions of millions of views and listened So happy birthday average your birth out there you get out there and you got you fucking you have a you're gonna Have a good day you get put them put your mates around it and you have a party celebrate it put a drink Put a drink down and drink it and then don't Don't go to work Well, you'd hope not on your birthday, right? All right, then that brings us to our next segment which has been yep. It's got a new name short though Yeah, yeah, well, it's just it just simply says here in brackets The noise that's a llama would make if being chased by a wolf That's the new segment name No, that's not the name, but he wants we see wants me to try and make that noise All right, so I imagine that noise would be so this is the title of segment would be And of course this segment we just answer fan questions So we have some fan questions sent in via Instagram and now we answer them right now First one is from Francis X co she or he is asked when are you're going to do some crazy shit like you've been doing? We can't really do that crazy shit no more cuz Facebook YouTube Instagram tick tock won't let us but Here's the but we are starting our own little subscription website www.MartyandMichael.com we got merch there. We got other shit there go and have a cheeky look guns We sell guns we sell guns real guns So if you and also we're going to be starting a sip all of our deleted shit all the shit We can't put online anymore. We're gonna upload there. So and all you have to do is like $5 a month or some shit It's not available right now. We'll let you know where it is. But yeah, so that's what we're putting on that crazy shit But yeah, the reason we can't do as psycho a shit anymore is because we will get deleted from the internet Yeah, we'll lose everything. Yeah, it sucks Now the next question is from Tyler underscore hill with four L's God my eyesight is going and He or she has asked why are you guys so much better than Paris Hilton? well Paris Hilton is partly responsible for the fucking chain of hotels that she owns the Hilton's and Part of the reason I guess that we're much better than her is because she runs a Disgustingly shit unorganized fucked up hotel chain and charges people thousands of dollars. That's why no her parents do she's an Entrepreneur fuck off. She is going here a song that she made like ten years ago. It is fucked Even though the stars are blind or some shit. It makes me sick. Yeah, look She's she was a sex symbol when we were growing up, but fuck me She's far from a business person and her chain of hotels can get fucked and get fucked hard Did you ever watch the simple life with her in it? Yeah, I did I love that show Next quick or check out this this is one of our fans she probably listens and watches, but anyway One of our fans Michael's got is his screen saver on his phone because she's so fucking morphed and fucked in the face. Oh Man, we'll probably have to blur that so it killer or him. I don't know what it is now That's what we love to talk about. Yes. Yes. Oh, I need a shit. Yes. Oh Wait, did you hear that? No fucking cut. This is from T. A. E. T. A. A. A. A. E. E. E. E. Which of course spells Is cereal considered soup great question I think maybe the devil we'd have to look up the definition of no because you Serials got crunch soup is like a syrupy What about what about pumpkin soup with croutons in it? What's what's it? I've never heard of croutons a small dry bit of bread very crunchy very crunchy Yeah, you mainly have bread with soup. Yeah, well, there you go So you're saying it's not soup because it's crunchy pumpkin soup with croutons is also crunchy I think we need no because you don't have milk in soup. Yeah, you can what about if you had a creamy Asian type of soup. I'm sure there will be some sort of cream creamy milky dairy product in there for shizzle We'd have to look up the definition of soup to answer this properly But I don't think that cereal is soup because maybe it's not something that's cooked It could be a criteria of soup. You know cold soup. Yeah, but it's already been cooked Next question. Ha is from Lachlan McDonald. It's Donald with a triple D on the end How do you come up with your pranks? Great question. Great question. Great question. Great question. It's just been years of just we've always fucked with each other since high school Yeah, so it's just a matter. It's just an opportunity. It's just a matter of fucking We just around each other so much and then we like to fuck with each other. So We just randomly just I don't know. It's hard to explain something will just happen We'll be in a certain scenario and then there will an opportunity will spring up where one of us can fuck with the other And then it'll be like, oh, that's a good idea. Let's keep doing that It's constant too with Marty because what he'll do is even I was at the airport the other day And I had to go through security and he just yell out at me as I went through and since I've beat because I got so much Jewries that he's like, oh get rid of the drugs Michael get rid of the drugs and they're begging begging the staff to strip Search him. He was there for a long time kept me there for like 15 minutes, which was hilarious hilarious almost missed the plank Very funny very very funny joke I don't know. I'm friends that you can prank and don't take life too seriously and then it becomes like just every day Every day thing you got to be a bit twisted on all but always be looking for a way to fuck with someone always It's always on your mind. All right. That's that's questions All right, the next segment has been renamed and this time. It's a foreign word. I believe I'll have to check my pronunciation, I'm not sure what language it is, but It looks a heavy a heavy word. So the next segment is called That sounds a bit German I'd say maybe like Turkish Turkish. Yeah, maybe like the Turkish way to say Hello, do you want to come over for a cup of tea? Yeah, that sounds like the way they talk, I guess And that's how you accept in Turkish. Yeah, I tell you say yes I would love to come over for a cup of tea in Turkish. I think we're not a hundred percent sure 97 percent sure Yeah, we're almost almost sure. All right, and this is a segment of course where we just read news headlines and And then just comment on the fucking things All right, our first headline is from the daily mail And they have said trying to pop it was the worst thing I could have done How a man's tiny pimple turned into a lump the size of a golf ball and it could have killed him Holy shit this in six weeks a Queensland man's small zip turned into a golf ball size pimple Oh, it turned out to be a common type of cancer called squamious cell carcinoma So it's not a fucking pimple daily mail. It is a cancer. Jesus Oh god that headline is so misleading and that I want to just fucking hit someone Yeah, dude, if I ever met someone that worked for that company, I would go and do jail time Jesus It's not a pimple at all. Yeah, nothing that next story is from Metro. I'm to death by a pet camel All right, it was fucked to death You've done that to many animals now it's the animals getting back at humans Oh, look if I was put in a room with a camel, I think I can fuck it to death before it fucked me to death It'd be it'd be fun trying I'm not a hundred percent sure but it'd be a bloody good laugh trying What a way to die a Randy camel has killed its woman owner after apparently trying to mate with her The ten month old animal weighing a hundred and fifty kilo knocked exotic pet lover panweaver to the ground before trying to straddle her Husband Noel who gave her the camel as a 60th birthday present in March returned home to discover his wife's body on Saturday That's fucked up. That's one of the worst ways to go. I think oh Like imagine if you could choose your like how embarrassing also, dude, the husband would be so like firstly He created that situation by buying the camel, but imagine like he'd be a little bit jealous, too Cuz it's like you you five and he got I let I let the creature in or the man If it was a man camel in to fuck my wife and then kill it Yeah, he got the last the camel got the last fucking the last load up her and then she died Yeah, and imagine the funeral the Snickers that you'd be snickering everywhere. I wouldn't I want to be able to keep a straight face She died doing what she loved I Getting fucked by 150 kilo camel. Oh And they'd have a huge they would have a huge fucking dick The the animal had a history of erratic behavior often trying to straddle other species doing the Including the family's pet goats. Wow. So this camel is just a fucking freak Look at a very muscular hind legs Taught tight up a body a little bit like a cow long thin muscular neck. Mmm. Yep That's a good-looking thing there To volumptuous thumbs on its back Yeah, well I want to long thick hair. Oh, we're gonna run your fingers through nice big bulging white eyes. Yeah Clean white teeth. Yeah, that's it Whoa, whoa There you go there. So don't get it go near fucking camels anyone who lives near camels Don't go near them or don't turn your back to them because they could fuck you to death Yeah, well you could get fucked to death by a camel if you Lay your guard down you always be on guard you always be ready for a cock if you're around a camel So Egyptians be careful pretty sure we've got camels in Australia course We do they're everywhere all through the fucking middle of it all through the middle of it near the big rock Yeah, all right the next story is from the Daily Mail It kept me to eat later a Russian man looking like a mummy is rescued after spending a month inside a bear den After the predator broke his spine and saved him for a future meal Whoa, actually saw this on Facebook, and I think this is semi legit. Yeah, he looks quite dirty Doesn't he they've just got photos of him and he looks like a he looks like a he's alive Yeah, it looks like he's a very thin old man He's balding and he's just covered in dirt and blood and wow there you go The bear was saving him for a future meal. How did he get out? I think the someone must have found him. Oh my dude He's rescued from bad and that is that's a story. Wow you think that fucking that would be you think you become friends with it Yeah, I know what you'd fucking do to the bear. What would I do with it? You'd try and fuck it mate He's got a broken spine. Yeah, you got arms free. I guess. Yeah You try and toss it off for sure. Well, yeah, you could still perform I would definitely try and befriend it and if that meant performing sexual acts to survive. Yeah, of course I would do that. I think anyone would you do okay, so I would I would try and convince the bear that you know It's better keeping me alive by tossing it off giving it Flating it would you suck it off? Yeah, of course. Yeah, I Would suck a bear off to save my life. I think anyone would you do it because you okay? Yeah You like okay, I guess it's not a cow a bear's not a cow. I say that with pride I would suck a bear off to save my life. Yeah But yeah, it bears aren't cows fine. I'm curious Anyway next story is from US news Florida man with no arms charged with stabbing man with scissors How the fuck does this work a 46 year old homeless man with no arms was arrested Miami Beach, Florida for stabbing another man with a pair of scissors using his feet Whoever got stabbed is a fucking idiot. Yeah. Yeah, just walk away from if you see a freak with no arms Sprinting towards you or crawling towards you or whatever you call it and it's got scissors in its toes back up first of all and or like run away or or just like Punch it like if it's not arms shoot it dead. It's already half dead It's got no arms. So you just like it's only got a little bit of range with its legs So you can just easily avoid it dodge use your fucking dodge ball and get it to the ground Remove the scissors and then just fucking have a feel of it You can easily sexually assault that anything anyone tries to kill you you have a license to sexually assault them. That's true You can feel them up put your thumb in them do whatever you want because they've just tried to hurt you Yeah, they're not gonna go to the cops. They just tried to kill you and put away this put it this way like Murder is worst and sexual assault. Yeah So you haven't really done anything wrong or they've done just a little bit more wrong. So you'll be fine Or get the scissors and cut his legs off. See how he stabs people then The mirror and they have said you can now buy a scented flatulence pills which make fart smell like roses Jesus, you'd have to be so fucking worried about your Farts not to buy these some people like have bad farts all the time Yeah, or how have undies not been invented that that just hold on to it Holy shit, we'll put that on our shop. We'll put that on our merch store. Check our shop. We'll have absorbing smells Fart absorbing underwear for the sick fucks of the world. Hmm. That is the end of story time for this week Which brings us to our next segment which has been renamed So this segment is called And basically this is a segment where we just talk about an old story and this week The story is about love. Oh, this is not this is about hate bad. This is bad shit This is a story about love compassion. It's a story about hope. It's a story about Inspiration It's the time we it's our favorite brawl that we've ever been in Cuz we won We've been many of brawls not for a long time, but Because we were quite cheeky back when we used to get on the fucking diesels And more often than not we get the shit beaten out of us Yeah, we did but this time we won all right, so this is a particular story Let me set the scene for you. This happened about three weeks ago How long ago do you reckon ten years fuck? I was probably ten years. I was 19 I reckon happened about ten years ago. We were at the races. It's like a big you just go and watch horses run around Fucking field and get pissed during the day you pay like yeah for your ticket and you get free piss all day We were with a big group of friends and which helped and I can't even remember how it started Oh, no, I can see how it started Michael is usually the beginning of all of our brawls So go on Michael take it from here Well, I was I I had One of our dear friends at the time Jessica her name was got bullied by another girl for her skin She had bad skin at the time so she had pimples and it upset her and I felt bad for our friend So I went and hurt the other girl who paid out our friend. Would you say with a physical feature about her? Would you say to her? Well, yeah, she had a bad haircut. So I just said, you know You like what was bad? There's a bowl cut a girl had a bowl cut So that's that you're worthy you should be bullied if you have a bowl cut Especially even both sexes if you're a dude or a chick, it's shit to have that haircut Anyway, she hit me and I said that doesn't change the way you look still and she then she's hit me again She slapped you. Yeah, she kept started slapping Michael I just she had like fucking a group of guys behind her and then So everyone just sort of came together. There was lots of pushing and yelling and but we it was sort of cool Down fizzled out and then we went our separate ways and then about three hours later We um, I was you know with our group of guys and Michael was a couple of meters away And I remember seeing their group of guys talking and edging closer to Michael And then I was like watch this is gonna be a fight here There's gonna be a fucking fight and sure enough seconds later. They Okay, would they went straight to the back of my head started punching And like I was like I had a rip shirt. I was so fine I went down to the ground and yeah Michael went down We all ran in and just picked them all off and it was one by one Yeah, just like and we were like and just beat the fuck out of them and this never happens in brawls Yeah, we were and we were left completely unscathed and that's not even the best part They were all fucked up and then and then the cops came with cops Yeah, and then bought us all apart. Yeah, and then the witnesses were like no no these guys started it So they all got fucking kicked out and scored it out by cops probably rest fully piss and blood all over his shirt We were just laughing and smiling. Yeah Oh, I love doing the kiss blowing a kiss to someone when they're like walking away with security or a cop has them Is the best feeling they would have felt like shit. Oh start a fucking fight And then oh get kicked out and a scored out by cop then touch any of us apart from me But oh like I'm invincible. So it's fine. Yeah, anyway, this shows that Get into fights kids and win Only get into fights that you're gonna win And if someone's throwing a fist at you get out of the way dodge it and make sure you connect with your fist Yeah, so and then throw a punch back and hit them in the face Don't not hit them and if you miss then you could be off balance and then they could try and hit you again Which in which case you again just move your head out of the way and only do it if they Deserve it. Yeah, which is most people so do it to anyone that pisses you off Even if they haven't thrown the first swing just go up and king hit people usually when they're not looking I find is most effective if they have their back to you a big wind up fucking let them have it right at the base of the spine Try and kill them Yeah, so if if you're if you're listening out there Just just fucking go out and fucking start king hitting cunts practice on your parents Oh And that's the time that's our favorite brawl story all the others are shit because we get our asses kicked by yeah I've had locked jaws remember the time I couldn't eat for like three months. We've usually but we are usually Overwhelmingly outnumbered. Yeah, one time I got hit and I couldn't open my mouth for three months All I ate was McDonald's chips because he could slide. I mean true I lost a lot of weight But yeah fights don't get into them really kids unless you're gonna win Yeah, we were joking don't get into brawls unless you are confident that they deserve it and that you're going to win Yeah, unless you have to hmm self-defense And or use a gun to shoot them. Yeah. Yeah always be packing heat or if you're in a you can't afford a gun You like there's fucking your kitchen that has so many what there's like an array of different types of knives Go on just to have one or the garden shed axes a good rakes. I've killed someone with a rake was it a human No I bet you was a fucking water cow. Oh No, it wasn't a cow. It was like a Car I don't even know what it's called. It's like a little possum thing. Okay sugar glider. No, it was like it had like a beak Platypus now I had feathers and um, oh Duck no, no, but it was running on two human legs So a mythical creature. Maybe I don't know whatever it was. It's dead I've got the rake and I slapped it I slapped it to death That's cute I like that All right, this brings us to our final segment Which of course has been renamed to segment five prank call There you go. That's actually what it's been renamed to let's hope that that name sticks and this yeah, it's pretty self-explanatory It's nice having a segment that actually applies to what the segment is about. It's just a prank call It's just a prank. Oh, yeah, I'm proven kind of their office in Milton there in in Brisbane Of course a cell concrete and yeah, just let him know that he's he's doing better All right for this week's prank call I'm going to have Tourette's Is this offensive? This is very offensive, but there's probably like what zero point zero zero zero one percent of the population have Tourette's Yeah, so but yeah life This the if you have Tourette's and you hear this you shouldn't be offended by this It's just what fucking people with Tourette's sound like sometimes if I had Tourette's and someone was making fun of me And will not make him funny me was trying to sound like someone with Tourette's That'd be funny because it is funny. Fuck's sake Well, it's like sometimes you get like you pretend to have a lazy eye and like that's does that mean that everyone with a lazy eye should be offended? Yeah, well, yeah, that's the thing about being offended. It's a choice choice. You're offended. Fuck you I don't need to be offended. Just choose not to be offended. So for this week I will be pretending to have Tourette's whilst ordering pizza from Domino's Should we go with an Asian restaurant again? All right, here we go. We're calling a Thai restaurant this time just because the pizza places are on to us I've got Tourette's. I've got Tourette's Hey, would I be able to please place a pick up order? Do you guys have what sort of curries do you guys have again? Which which are the main types of shit fuck it Oh Can I just get the green curry, please? Can I get do you guys have prawns fucking shit all over the bricks pardon All right, sweet. Can I just get a prawn green fuck it piss it up the wall Can I just get what are the levels of of spicy tits tits and milk? All right, let's go fingers fingers super hot, please And then do what what types of rice what rice do you guys are fucked it up on this one guys I'll just have the coconut rice, please I'll just have the regular Yeah, yeah, can I also get Let's go I'm fucked. Oh, there's a brick in my house. You guys also get some spring rolls, please And I'm just waiting for my friend Also a What are the curries do you guys have sorry? I'm sorry, I've just Oh Muscle man curry, that's the one muscle my shit. Yeah muscle and curry, please Beef please Pissing my shit hole. I fucked a bitch to death Just a for beef, please beef curry with that. Um, can I get it? Super spicy fire. There's a brick in my house. You bitch. I'm gonna snap myself over your car Um Can I also get What other entrees you guys What sort of drinks you Can I also get the prawn rolls did you say you have Oh Sorry, I'm just hey, sorry, I'm just gonna have to cancel that or the my mother's mother's just come home with a gun And she said I'm not allowed to order any food. So Sorry about that Fucking hell man timing to rats I can't stress me out that stressed me out man. We are that is That's our new place to call screenshot that number. We are calling them every week Yeah, well, they're just up the road. She's put up all with a lot of shit I don't know what I said. I can't even remember what I said. Yeah, you got pretty fucked up It was really heart distracting at how cool. She was with you know Like it was just like I couldn't I was like kept thinking to myself other fuck Is she okay with me saying I reckon she caught on to the fact that you were mentally disabled or some shit Yeah, definitely got a little more intense as it went, but anyway, man. Well, that was impressive like yeah, you had me in stitches Yeah, she was she didn't find it very funny. She's one of that cash Very good call it a good. She's a good colleague a good. She's a great colleague. She's a good work colleague great colleague All right, so this week coming up. We have we filmed two videos today. You might be able to see my lips are very bruised We did the Kylie Jenner video the challenge and it works Yeah, for certain people that can get their lips in there. I couldn't get the suction Well, I think that Michael was a little scared of what he was going to look like so he didn't really commit So I choose look server science. Yeah But yeah, so new videos coming down next in there, but you're going to see my man I'm back to normal upload time every Monday for podcasts and if you have time go to our website and Don't buy anything. Just have a have a look like most people do they you know They'll put it there the products in their cart and then come check out time. They won't fucking press the button And don't forget that we are The best We're the best We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best with the best with the best Yes