 You know how I keep trying to teach all of you about the prefrontal cortex which is responsible for a little thing called self-awareness and how it doesn't fully develop until your mid to late twenties? Well, that's why we're going to be talking about tanimojo today. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, my channel is all about mental health and what I like to do is pull different topics from the YouTube community trying to teach you how to improve your mental and emotional well-being. So if you're into that stuff, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. So busy day today. This is my third video of the day. I took a pretty long afternoon break hanging out with Tristan and the kid and I cooked dinner and all of that stuff, but anyways I had a lot of requests from you guys on Twitter and Instagram. If you're not following me on Twitter and Instagram yet, go ahead and do that. It's at the Rewired Soul and you guys keep me in the loop and you let me know topics. I'm going to pop up a poll over on my community tab asking what you guys wanted me to talk about exactly with the tanimojo video, but there's a few things I want to talk about even though you guys basically voted on open relationships, all right? So like, I want to throw out a disclaimer real quick because I'm going to explain how open relationships are messy, but the disclaimer is listen, I have nothing against open relationships. I have nothing against polyamory. Do yo thang boo, but here's the thing. Most of the time from my experience, they end up messy, all right? And I know some of you are going to clap back at me and tell me how you're polyamorous or you've been in an open relationship and I dare you. I dare somebody in the comments down below to lie to me and tell me that you've never had somebody you were in an open relationship with fall in love with you and catch some feelings. All right? Don't worry. I'll wait and be looking forward to your comments. Okay? I think it's very difficult. It's possible, but it's difficult. All right? It's kind of like driving your car with your feet. So I want to talk about a few different clips in this video. So first, Tana Mojo talks about her relationship with Bella Thorne and one of Tana Mojo's issues and this is an issue that a lot of, I don't know, young people struggle with. I think a lot of YouTubers especially struggle with where they want everything. They want everything in life. Okay? So her and Bella had an open relationship and that was cool, right? Her and Bella could just do their own thing. They respected it and that was fine. You know, they just pick up where they left off. They were just friends. Bella was dating her own dude and that was totally cool, right? But what we see later is that that became an issue with her and Hunter, okay? So as of right now, one of the most liked comments on the video is, to everyone asking the difference between Tana being open with Bella and her wanting Hunter to not date other girls, the difference is communication, consent and respect. Tana and Bella know what their relationship is. Mojo left Tana in the dark while still playing with her feelings. If Hunter had come forward with the idea of an open relationship and been honest, maybe things would have been different. Tana isn't a hypocrite. The key to relationships of all kinds is communication. While I agree that the key to relationships is communication, Tana herself said this. It became clear to me over time that Hunter wanted to be just friends, I guess you would say. Before I dive more into this video, again, this video isn't for Tana, this video isn't to spill tea, it's video isn't to spill gossip or anything like that. I want to talk about this because I have a lot of audience members who are 18 to their 20s. I have audience members of all ages, but my primary demographic is young people. And more specifically, my demographic is like, I believe around 80% female too. All right? So I'm going to share some stuff from my experience as well. So I want you to learn from these experiences and my own experiences with Tana's going through and what a lot of other young people go through. This could all just be from my perspective. His could be completely different, but I was made to feel like I was crazy because we were just friends even though everyone around us 24-7 was like, you guys don't act anything like just friends. You guys are going to end up together. You guys are going to get married. I've never seen two people look or act more in love. Tana says that quite a few times throughout this video, quite a few times, she talks about how everybody says they'd be such a great couple. They look so cute. You know, she says everybody's shipping them. That's a term that the young folks use that I'm just now learning. But anyways, let's talk about confirmation bias real quick. All right? So confirmation bias is when we want to believe something, all we hear about is all the good things, right? So Tana wanted to be with Hunter, so she focused primarily on all the people saying how great of a couple they'd make, right? But since she didn't have that same kind of feeling towards Bella, like, I don't even follow all the stuff going on with Bella and Tana. But I'm sure some of you who do, like, tell me, tell me, I wish somebody would tell me that people weren't saying the same thing about Tana and Bella, right? Like, they must have been. They must have been. It's just Tana felt a certain way towards Hunter, so her mind focused on that. And this is important for anybody who gets into any kind of relationship, toxic relationship, like, we, we are so emotionally driven that we'll focus on all of their good qualities. A great example is any of you who have ever been in a toxic relationship has your mind chosen to negate all of the bad traits of the person and focus on all of their positive traits, right? So you're like, oh, yeah, well, they did this, this, this, this, but, you know what I mean? That make me feel a certain way or they do this or that, right? Our brains can lie to us and only focus on the things because of confirmation bias. In the sense of he definitely wanted to hook up with other people and be more wild and not answer to anyone, but also not hurt me. But at the same time, he wasn't very good at acting like just a friend to me. Now, I'm going to share with you a real quick, real quick story time. And it was funny because I actually talked to Tristan about this before. I'm like, are you cool with me talking about this? But anyways, for all of you women out there, maybe some men, like, listen, like I'm telling you right now, like I sucked. I sucked at the Friends with Benefits thing. And here's why, even though I was a terrible person back in my drug addiction and alcoholism and stuff like that, like I've mentioned in videos before, like one thing that you have to do is just be honest about what you want, right? So I had no problem telling women, like when I wasn't ready to date, I just got out of a long-term relationship or whatever it is, right? And I would say, like, listen, I don't want anything serious, okay? If you want to, like, you know, hook up or whatever that's cool. But my problem was, is that like, I would like cuddle and stuff. Like, I couldn't not do those things. And I felt like such an ass because I'm like, I know I am playing with her mind because I'm saying one thing, but my actions are doing the other. And it sounds like Tana was going through the same thing with Hunter, where this dude was saying that he didn't want anything serious, but he was like holding hands with her, having these long conversations with her, you know, spending the night and cuddling and hanging out and all that other stuff. So like women, like on behalf of all the guys like me who do that or did that, I apologize, all right? Like it was messed up. But that's, you know, as I matured and got older, I had to realize, like, you know, that's one of the reasons why this type of open relationship or friends with benefits thing doesn't work for me because like I do those things and I give mixed signals. And so many of us are just so damn selfish. We don't realize that. Like you guys, when I talk about staying single, like one of the main reasons I stayed single was because I knew it would be unfair to the other person because I didn't have my head on straight yet. You know what I mean? So like one of the reasons why I stopped doing like the whole hookup thing or whatever like that is, is because I would unintentionally lead women on. All right? Let me, let me repeat that. I would unintentionally lead women on, but I developed the self awareness that that's what I was doing. So I had to cut that out because part of improving your mental health is causing minimal wreckage in other people's lives as well as your own. All right? So I want you to remember that when it comes to this whole like, you know, hooking up open relationship type deal. And it's painful. Every day I work on falling out of love, I guess you would say, with someone who made me feel like we would end up together for a really, really long time. Right there, I want to focus on that real quick because this is something a lot of people struggle with. I talked about it a little bit in my Erica Costell video. One of the best quotes I heard like ever about love is this. Okay? And I think this is why people get so messed up after breakups or moving on or whatever is you never fall out of love. Okay? So like, I think a lot of people judge themselves because they still love somebody. But what the speaker I heard say was you never follow out of love, your love for that person just changes. Okay? A great example of that is my son's mom. Right? My son's mom and I have been broken up for seven, eight years now when Dylan was two or three years old. Okay? Now I'm in a beautiful relationship with my amazing girlfriend Tristan, who I love more than anything. Like, but I still love my son's mother, but it's in a different way. Okay? So I think it's important to understand that you don't fall out of love. That love just changes for the person. So don't judge yourself for still loving an old, an ex or, you know, whoever it was or somebody that you love before and they don't want to reciprocate the feelings like you guys. That's just not how it works. Again, after spending the last year with someone too, who was so afraid of communication, everything ended up making me just like feel crazy for loving someone who was making me fall in love with them. I had to include this clip and I have to, I have to like quote Tristan on this. I'm like, we heard Tana say like he made me fall in love with him. Like Tristan said, like that's a you thing and like yeah, damn right. That's why that's my baby girl right there. Okay. Like that's a you thing. I talk to you guys all the time. Nobody can make you feel a certain way. Like, could you imagine that? Could you imagine me like stalking someone down the street in my like single days? And then she's like, ah, get away from me. I was like, yo, you made me fall in love with you. Like what? Tana, nobody makes you fall in love with them. Relax a little bit. Okay. One of the issues that a lot of us have is a lack of empathy too. So like I am planning on doing some like Reddit videos like r slash nice guys and r slash nice girls. Like I'm like, oh my God. I made a video a while back. Confessions of an r slash nice guy, but we lack empathy. So like Tana, she feels so hurt by Hunter by not reciprocating those feelings. And as Tristan and I were watching this, I'm like, how many guys do you think have professed their love for Tana? Right? They've told Tana how they love her and they've never felt this way before. And Tana's like, yo, sorry, just want to be friends. But then when it happens to Tana and how she feels about Hunter, she doesn't have that empathy. And I'm not just pointing all of this at Tana either. Like you've probably done that too. Like for example, one of the things that helped me quit being such a jackass when I was dating was like, if I hit up a girl like on the online dating website and she wasn't into me, rather than getting angry, I realized that other women had flirted with me or been attracted to me and I wasn't interested in them. I'm like, oh, okay. So not only is it that not every woman that likes me, I'm going to like them back, but not every woman that I like is going to like me back. Like it's this amazing thing called empathy. So the next time somebody doesn't reciprocate your feelings, remember, unless you are attracted to 1000% of people, which is a percentage that doesn't even exist, then you need to practice empathy and realize that sometimes people just aren't attracted to other people. You know what I mean? Then as you guys may or may not know, I very recently started dating a very cute boy named Brad. Oh, right here. Oh my God, Tana. Like when I turned, when I, when I heard this, I paused the video and I turned to Tristan. I'm like, Tristan, imagine you and I were dating for just a couple months. My YouTube channel was where it's at now. And you knew I had a YouTube channel and you came across a video and like 15 or 20 minutes of it was explaining how much I was in love with somebody else. Like what? Like, oh my God, like Tana girl, you didn't need to make a video about this. You just started dating some dude. So this is a lesson for any of you out there. Men, women, whatever, like don't do that. Like that is disrespectful to the person you are entering a monogamous relationship with. Okay. Talk to your friends about it, right? Talk to your friends about how you still have feelings. Like journal about it. Talk to your therapist about it. Don't make a video about it. You know what I mean? Like, could you imagine that? Like, could you imagine the disrespect that you might feel when somebody did that to you? And again, like that's one of the reasons why I can see that Tana lacks this self-awareness. You know, like to end this video, I want to talk about something Tristan and I were talking about is, I don't think that Tana knows what love is. And this is more of a young people problem. You know, like when I talk about the development of the prefrontal cortex and all that stuff, you know, when you're young, like you're so filled with emotions, right? So aside from self-awareness, the prefrontal cortex is responsible for emotional regulation. So it's common for young people to feel extremely attracted to somebody, right? But through what I see of Tana, it feels, it feels and like I don't know her personally. This is an assumption, but if you can relate to Tana and if you were talking to me, I would say it feels like you mainly have a problem with being alone. All right? That seems like your issue. It seems like you always need somebody around. It seems like you feel like you need somebody to be there with you, to show you that affection, to show you that attention and all that. And like, we think that that's a need, but that's a want. And that's one of the main reasons why I stayed single for so long is because I'll tell you this, when your brain tells you that you need somebody in your life like that, you lower your standards. And when you lower your standards, you're more at risk of getting your heart broken. But worst case scenario, you're more at risk of being in an abusive relationship. All right? So like, again, I don't think she fully knows what love is. I think she knows what a strong attraction is. And by no means am I saying that no young person has ever fallen in love based on what I'm hearing. Okay? So if you were to come to me and you have the exact same scenario, I'd tell you the same thing. All right? But anyways, anyways, let me know down in the comments below. Like, do you have an intense fear of being alone? And that's why you're constantly looking for someone new to date. All right? Or if you want to blow my brain up, tell me about the open relationship or friends with benefits situation that you had that worked out amazingly. All right? But anyways, that's all I got for this video. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. If you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos. And make sure you follow me on Instagram and Twitter after we were in Seoul. I'm all up on there and you send me recommendations and it's amazing. And a real quick huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on Patreon. You are all amazing. I'll see you next time.