 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike... Sturks-Stur, blablabla, blablabla, blablabla... ...Luckies are milder... And science provides the proof! Yes, scientific tests prove LuckyStrike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarettes. Tests after tests produced conclusive evidence of LuckyStrike's greater mildness. But that's not all. These scientific tests are confirmed by independent consulting laboratories and they prove lucky strike mildest of six major brands tested There's no doubt when you light up a lucky you get a smoother smoking milder tasting cigarette and you enjoy the rich taste of fine tobacco because LS MFT LS MFT Lucky strike means fine tobacco fine light naturally mild tobacco that gives you more real deep down smoking enjoyment so for the rich taste of fine tobacco for smoothness and mildness with never a rough puff light up a lucky yes prove to yourself what scientific tests prove lucky strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarettes make your next carton lucky strike so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw the lucky strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston Phil Harris Rochester Dennis Dean yours truly Don Wilson Ladies and gentlemen it isn't often that our star goes out on a personal appearance tour but having decided to go a lot of preparations have to be made at the moment Jack is in conference with Steve Bradley his publicity man yes if any this is the greatest idea ever had you just listen to me and we'll pack every theater from the sun kishaws of California to the rock found coasts of Maine but Steve what an idea hand me that phone I'll order the posters right now we'll have billboards all over the country but Steve look Steve look I've never been billed that way before Jack Benny the platinum ball of fire I mean it's ridiculous I've never worked with fans or balloons I'm way ahead of you Benny now instead of fans or balloons you'll come out in a blue spot and do your stuff with two violins why at the end of the dance the violins open and pigeons fly out pigeons certainly we got to do something to take their attention away for those skinny legs of yours now look Steve I'm not going to go for any of your crazy excuse me there's someone at the door what a silly idea Jack Benny the platinum ball of fire hello Jack oh hello Mary come on in where's Rochester that's what I'd like to know last night he asked me if he could have the evening off I haven't seen him since well Jack maybe Steve Steve Bradley Mary Mary Livingston long time no see Mary Mary you know Steve Bradley well certainly he was my publicity man when I worked at the May Company no yes sir I gave this little girl one of the most extensive publicity campaigns in my career in two short weeks I raised her from the bargain basement to the stock and counter on the fifth floor well and this mind you're during the heat of a presidential campaign all right calm down I don't doubt that you're a great publicity man but you'll have to think of another stunt for me I'm not going to go for those pigeons what's that supposed to be I don't know Steve's got some ideas about my personal appearance he wants me to work with pigeons well I think that's a great idea what are you laughing at I could just see the finale a pigeon swoops down takes off your toupee and lays an egg in it Mary this is going to be a high-class show just wait till you see it you know we open Wednesday night in Pasadena by the way Steve how are they doing at the box office great great I had 50,000 tickets printed up I'm going to need another 50,000 50,000 how do you expect to sell all those tickets easy on the face of the ticket instead of printing Jack Benny I put Rose Bowl games what they're going like hotcakes Steve we're not going to do our show at the Rose Bowl we'll be at the Pasadena Civic Auditorium and I better book something in the Rose Bowl it'll be jammed now look Steve are you working for me or Mary would you get that please okay hello well lucky me every time I get a wrong number it's a dame Phil it's me Mary okay okay you're not a bad number either live well thanks Jack is busy right now he'll call you back well look Libby I'm not at home I'm at the photographer Steve Bradley called me this morning told me I had an idea it was going to talk over with Jackson but in the meantime I should rush down and have publicity pictures taken so tell Jackson to hurry I can catch cold standing here like this what these pigeons ain't keeping me warm okay I'll tell them Jack Phil wants to talk to you alright have me the phone here if a pigeon answer hangs up instead of Pasadena we should be playing in Czechoslovakia hello Phil what hello Phil Mumble's Livingston's getting hard to follow ain't you hey Jackson I want to talk to you about the band arrangement on that personal appearance tour you got a minute sure what is it well look how do you want my orchestra to dress in blue suits or sport clothes neither Phil I want them to wear evening clothes look Jackson the only evening clothes they got are pajamas what and they can't wear those half the draw strings are missing look Phil let them wear whatever they want but look at but half Sammy now look half Sammy the drummer in a blue suit because he'll be sitting up high okay and Phil when I'm out on the stage telling jokes I want your boys to act as though they're enjoying it it looks good to the audience alright took care of that Jackson I even thought of the people in the balcony so I painted a smile on the top of Sammy's head oh wonderful another thing dad we're gonna have a little problem with Remly a problem yeah but everything will be alright if we let him sit behind the piano but Phil I want to look like we got a big orchestra why shouldn't Franky sit out in the open because every time a spotlight shines in his face he jumps up and yells I didn't do it I didn't do it no the only way we can calm him down is to beat him with a rubber hose well I'm busy arranged the orchestra the best way you can so long so long Clyde don't forget to bring the hose that Phil is the craziest guy if I use on the phone I got a sensational idea huh oh Nellie now listen when you get to Milwaukee it'll be the start of fire prevention week yes yes yes so for a publicity stunt we'll have you jump from the top of a 12-story building into a net it's never been done before what do you mean it's never been done before many people have done stunts like that jumping off a building into a net a hair net what maybe the publicity why are the paper will be full of it not only the story but the pictures I can see the flowers now now cut that out I want my publicity simple and dignified so now who can that be come in oh hello Jack hello Barry hello Don come on in fellas hello boys hmm hello boys hello Barry they talked Don Don they talked it's the first time I ever heard them talk Mary Mary they talked hello fellas hmm so good to last now Don I know you brought the boys over to try out the commercial but I'm busy right now Steve Bradley my publicity man is laying out my personal appearance to her you know I opened in Pasadena Wednesday night Wednesday night oh darn it I wish I could go then why can't you I bought two tickets to the Rose Bowl game Don you'll still see my show I'll explain it to you later now take the boys home oh but Jack this will only take just a minute now the reason I want you to hear the commercial is because for the past few weeks they've been singing popular songs and this time they have something classical something that even Toscanini would be proud of Toscanini alright Don Steve this will only take a minute we can talk later Don what's the title of this thing the boys are gonna do don't kill his dance of the hours from Lajaconda when this we've got to hear take it boys tiffic tass are smoother than all milder by test gee this is beautiful Mary give me your hand that never is wrong but you take a puff take a puff cause you'll never ever find a puff that's rough never take a puff that's rough never take a puff that's rough take a puff cause you'll never get enough made up of smoker lucky when are they true life of the lucky don't be late start today cause we know you're gonna say you like a mess lucky strike is much the best take a like a mackerel bag make a test you'll agree they are the best for lucky strike means fights a lot Don take them home five and five and miles of mackerel la la la la la la la la really a great number well thanks Jack well we gotta be running along now so long Mary so long Don bye fellas goodbye Mary so long fellas now where where were we Steve is there any other idea you've got for publicity just one what is it when we arrive in Kansas City I want you to walk down the street playing your violin and lead a thousand cows into the slaughterhouse into the slaughterhouse how do you know they'll follow me follow you they'll be pushing you oh wait a minute oh Jack what when you go out to buy a wardrobe for your stage show I'd like to go with you wardrobe well certainly aren't you gonna buy some new suits Mary I just bought a new suit in fact you were with me Jack that was in 1936 time flies I haven't even started to wear the second pair of pants but maybe you're right Mary this suit I'm wearing now is old enough to send to Fred Allen hey wait a minute Benny wait a minute you're gonna send that old suit to Fred Allen yes why that's a great human interest story Benny it'll be the biggest thing since that panhandler asked you for a dime and you gave him 50 cents Steve don't mention that in this house it's costing me a fortune in dishes now look Steve oh heaven come in hello Dennis hello Mr. Benny look out for these firecrackers Dennis what are you doing I'm celebrating the 4th of July 4th of July this is only the 7th of May it is well certainly boy the state light saving time sure has me mixed up look kid don't blame it on daylight saving time you're always mixed up what'd you come over for anyway oh I come over to warn you about a new quiz program it's a fake a new quiz program uh-huh I answered every question right and they didn't even give me a refrigerator a bendix or anything what station is it on oh it isn't on the radio these people ring your doorbell come right into your house and ask your questions Dennis that was the census taker census taker sir every ten years the government goes all over the country counting noses why don't they just count people what suppose somebody does have two noses it won't throw them off much counting noses is just an expression oh hello Mary I didn't see you I know I was hiding I don't blame you neither do I who's he this is Steve Bradley my publicity man oh yeah you know my father does that kind of work for universal studios he does I didn't know that sure right now he's publicizing a picture called Coca-Cola for Mark Anthony what it's a sequel to champagne for Caesar oh yeah it's a cycle now they're working on a new one called Strongheart for Lassie now Dennis I gotta go and buy some new clothes now let's hear your song you're gonna do on the program okay and when you finish I want you wait a minute kid hold it well what's the matter I just heard the back door open and close it must be Rochester sneaking in oh Rochester yeah is that you sneaking in the back door it ain't Georgie Jack Rochester come in here I want to talk to you yes now Rochester last night you asked me if you could have the evening off didn't you uh-huh now that was last night now it's eleven o'clock the next morning uh-huh now where have you been well boys we're going away soon and some friends of mine on Central Avenue gave me a farewell party now wait a minute Rochester every night this week you've been to a farewell party it's the same one we just adjourned during the daytime what when the gold of the day meets the blue of the night I go where the wild goose goes well look Rochester I haven't got time to talk to you now I gotta listen to Dennis sing your song let's have it kid just a minute Dennis give me that firecracker okay here you are now go ahead with ow silly go ahead and sing very good Dennis so now that you've used your beautiful voice to win yourself back into my favor would you do something for me oh sure mr. many what is it go home yes sir see a man about those pigeons look Steve you can forget it I'm not going to do a strip tease act with a bunch of pigeons okay okay I'll be at the office if you want me Jack if you want me to go downtown with you to pick out a suit we better go now okay Mary oh Rochester where's the car in the garage well come on we want you to drive us downtown yes sir Jack why don't you keep your garage cleaner I'll straighten it up someday come on get in the car go ahead start the car Rochester yes sir but first I gotta get a little water oh is the radiator dry no I'm taking an aspirin I know what's coming never mind that just start the car yes sir it works every time try it again Rochester yes sir say Jack there's something wrong here why is the car leaning way over to the left I don't know Rochester why are we leaning over to the left remember last week when you sent the car to the garage to have the wheels aligned yes well only three came home starring Claudette Colbert stop being silly how can a car run with a missing wheel I stepped a roller skate under the axle slow down when you cross the car tracks well here we are Mary there's the store across the street Rochester there's a parking space where between that truck and the convertible but I can't get into that space it's too small well put our bumper up against the truck and push it oh boys come now well Miss Livingston and I'll get out here and you find a parking space yes sir here's the store Mary let's go in well let's see where is the hiya bud what's new huh oh hello hello come on Mary let's get out who is that that's that racetrack cow I'm always running in now let's see I wonder oh good afternoon may I help you sir yes yes I'd like to buy a new suit I don't blame you what I'm Mr. Kerns and I'll be glad to show you our new spring line good but first tell me what is the price range here oh our suits start at $25 and go up to $150 well I I wouldn't want to wear anything as cheap as $25 and yet I wouldn't want to go way up to $150 I understand I'd like something in the middle say about $30 oh Jack why don't you get a good suit for a change after all you're going to wear it on the stage every night stage are you an actor well yes yes yes I am my name is Manasha Skolny I mean Jack I just happen to be thinking of him I was reading I'm Jack Benny now Mr. Kerns what color suit would you suggest that I get well now a lot of men select a color to match their hair or their eyes let's see your eyes are blue aren't they bluer than the lips of a schoolboy at 40 below oh Jack what is it Mary here's a very pretty suit it's gabardine oh good good I like gabardine well I'm sure that suit would look very nice on you Mr. Benny yes but it's $45 well there's a whistle in the pocket well I don't care so much about that but I think I'll take a suit oh fine fine I'll go upstairs and get our tailor so he can measure you for any alteration thank you Say Mary I'm gonna walk to the back of the store see if there's anything else I'd like want to join me I'm tired I'll just wait right here okay da da da da da da da da da da da da grease paint da da da da da da da count the house yup and gabardine suit looked nice Forty-five dollars though. Oh well There's no Hey bud But huh Come here a minute Oh me. Yeah What are you doing? I'm uh, I'm buying a suit. What kind? Gabbardine, uh-uh What? Get a wool suit Why why should I get wool? I'm a kind of pants. They're great in the back stretch But I I like Gabbardine look I'm telling you for your own good get wool But don't take my weight for it. Look at the breeding The breeding it's out of Mary's little lamb by Bob Bob black sheep Well, look, I'm gonna buy a Gabbardine suit and that settles it. Okay. It's your dough What a guy Whenever I run into my oh There you are, mr. Benny. Yes. Yeah, I was just looking around Well, I'd like you to meet our tailor. Mr. Benny. This is mr. Nelson. How do you do? How do you do now? I don't want to seem impatient, but But I'm in a hurry. Can we get on with the measuring? Why certainly mr. Nelson. Do you have your tape measure with you? Yeah, now hold still little man little man. You're buying the one with the whistle in the pocket, aren't you? Mr. Nelson just take the measurement very well a collar 60 collar 60 shoulders 18 Shoulders It says it says Never mind that a right sleeve 34 right sleeve 34 a left sleeve 21 Left sleeve 21. You want people to see your wristwatch, don't you? Don't stop wasting my time. Oh by the way, mr. Benny, would you like wider narrow cuffs on your trousers? Why what's the difference? Well, there really isn't much difference, but most people prefer the wide cuffs. Why? Well, haven't you had it happen that you accidentally drop a coin and it falls into the cuff of your pants? No He always catches it before it hits the ground Yes, now mr. Nelson, when will my suit be ready in two weeks two weeks But I wanted it for my personal appearance. I'm sorry, but it'll take two weeks You mean I can't have my brand new suit for my opening in pasadena No, but if you like we'll run an ad in the paper telling them you bought one Life had enough of this. I'm not going to buy the suit at all But jack if you don't have a suit to wear what you can do about your personal appearance in pasadena I'll show you. Let me use that phone Hello, steve buy some corn. We're going to use those pigeons after all Come on In a cigarette mildness and enjoyment go together so light up a lucky because Lucky strike is milder. Yes scientific tests prove lucky strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarettes These scientific tests are confirmed by independent consulting laboratories And they prove lucky strike mildest of six major brands tested and no wonder it takes fine tobacco to make a fine cigarette And ls mft ls mft lucky strike means fine tobacco fine light naturally mild tobacco So for a milder tasting cigarette with never a rough puff smoke a lucky You'll enjoy the smooth rich taste of lucky's fine tobacco You'll prove to yourself what scientific tests prove Lucky strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarettes. Try a carton of lucky strike I'm glad I didn't buy that suit from those smart alec guys in that store. Oh jack forget it Gee, I wonder where Rochester parked the car. I guess we'll have to walk clear around the block to find it No, we won't marry. Wait a minute. I got something here that'll bring Rochester right to us Jack you didn't take right out of the pocket Those guys aren't going to push me around Be sure to hear Dennis Day in a day in the life of Dennis Day Thank you to the ms man who shall always follow us immediately. This is cbs the columbia bop casting system