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He's not literally in the house, and if he was in the city, he'd be doing his best to not let us know and avoid us. Can I? OK, let's just explain it. For Sam's benefit, right? So what happened was, just to bring up to speed, is that I was in Liverpool just before Christmas. And it was a work's dinner, right? Literally, I arrived at about five-ish, and we were out for dinner at about quarter past six. Went out next morning, up and out. But unfortunately, I made the mistake of going the new ground and putting some photographs up. And it was a lovely sunny day, and it really narks the lads in particular. I'm fine, mate. I'm fine. Exactly. I'm fine, but I couldn't give a toss to be honest with you. But you're a busy, famous man. That says more about him, though, Dave, don't you think? No, it's talking about ice skating royalty. I know, I know that. Not the sort that would Photoshop themselves in a... Well, I don't know where that... That was Photoshopped by that person. Well, I don't know. I don't think. I think it's probably been Photoshopped by the crown. Carry on, Dave. Anyway, so that's what they're referring to, Sam, in terms of, you know, arriving and not making time for them, which is not normally my style. You know, I've been known to pop in and see them in the studio. And have a sleep on the couch. And I try and, yeah, absolutely have a little kip on next week's episode. Anyway, I'm going to have to do some making up because it's caused problems. But, you know, we're working through it, you know? It's an undercurrent, Dave. Let's leave it there. I'm of the age now where my best case scenario is when an old friend just lets me know over the last minute, oh, I'm in your city, and I go, I can't meet you, and they go, never mind. We'll do it next time. Done. Done. Easy, easy. Job done, yeah, job done. And just for those watching also to make sure everyone knows, Sam isn't in a detention cell. I know it very much looks like an ITV drama with that grey wall. It looks like a hostage video. It does, doesn't it? It's just a grey wall behind them. At any minute, someone's just going to come in from the left and put their demands... They normally say they're being treated well, don't they? You know, they're treating me really well as a handcuff to a radiator. Yeah, it's still got all... Jos Elaine's been putting ciggies out on my chest all night. Still got all his own teeth, which is good, haven't they? Yeah, so there you go. Just a bit of the purpose of this recording, yeah. Yeah. 1204. I'm sat with Sam Avery. Yeah, that way. I'm using it. I'm using it. One of those lights, it's called a ringing selfie light, which needs to be a little bit like I'm going on some examination. That's fine, listen. Have you got your... Have you got your response? Is it a responsible adult with you? A day around. The other one, like Fred Westard. Hey, hey. There's three other... All the responsible adults are available. On this podcast and I'm not sure any of them are that responsible. That would be great. That is a great show. Can I just say how nice it is to be here with Dave as well? Cos it's like, what was that day when the Beatles did the first gig together? That's what this feels like. It was a wooden village church or whatever. Yeah, very much. It's got that kind of ring of... Seminole moments. Yeah, definitely. I wonder likewise. Does that make... It's like a skiffle. Does that make Andy Bush do you with Suckliff? Andy Bush has been. Pete Best. Pete Best, he is. Don't even think he's Pete Best, to be honest. No. He's the one who thought he was too good for us and got off with the GM and photographer. That's it. His vision is to follow Jane McDonald as like doing my cruiser and the Canaries and stuff. That's his long term goal. Why wouldn't it be? But he's planted himself with a Chelsea fan. I think he is that bitty in the over, ever. No, he's Arsenal. Oh, Arsenal is he, Billy. You go up the road and say. He just looks like Jason Cundy. Yeah, he does. Andy, yeah. Jason Cundy, I thought it was a different thing to say. With a D. Yeah, yeah. I didn't know what I was thinking. Yeah. So there he is. But hey, listen. You know. I mean, we've made it on that, haven't we? We have. Let's just quickly, let's quickly get on to this week. Great start at the show. Strong start. I think they say a strong start. Lads, let's go to Dave first because he wasn't here last week. Dave Saturday after 12. It was a difficult game on paper. The results proved it was a difficult game on paper. To me, it just felt very grand, dog, Dave. Opportunities didn't take them and I've lost another game. And it's now 11 games without a victory, which is embarrassing. Yeah, nothing else to add to that. It's just terrible as usual at the moment. I mean, I quite fancy this on Saturday to be honest with you. Not to win, but to, you know, give a good account of ourselves and possibly come away with a hard end point. And to be honest with you, you know, I think we would have done if it wasn't for the, you know, the risk of staying in the bloody obvious, but if it wasn't for the two penalties, I think we would have done. I think we were in the game. Granta didn't create a huge amount, but you know, it was the two, it was the two penalty decisions that just completely, I mean, you know, the only word for it is shooting yourself in the foot and they did completely shoot themselves in the foot. And it was disappointing because, you know, as soon as that first one and I just saw, Christ, you know, that one, that's, that's it. And I wasn't expecting another one, but obviously then, you know, Goughry then gives away another one and then that just sort of seals the whole thing. And, you know, it was just, I just, I think you said before, it was just really flattening and it was just, you know, I just, I think that we would have got a point if it weren't for that, but we didn't. And as you say, it's now 11 games without a win. We could have really done with one then as well in terms of this massive gap that we've got, you know, from a psychological point of view, as much as anything else, but it's not to be. And we carry on and we try and work out where the next points are going to come from, you know, and it's looking grim. You know, um, Luton have got forest, haven't they? With the weekend? Borma thon wedyn sy'n ffordd, on Saturday. Yeah. So, I mean, Luton are my biggest concern, I think in the moment, just because, I mean, they're far better to watch than we are, they're far more exciting. They've got the patience and whatnot, you know, I genuinely really enjoy watching Luton whenever I do, you know, they're good to watch and they're never out of it and they don't give up, you know, all the things that we're not really. So I don't know. I don't really know what else to say to be honest with you. I haven't got anything much more to add other than I just found the whole of Saturday just, just deeply flattening and depressing really from the moment that the penalty was given away by Charks. Sam, I mean, Dave, Dave's right, isn't he? When we give the penalty away and you're looking and my thing is, well, we aren't going to win them because, you know, we're one down. So we're not, we ain't scoring two here. But I did, I did fanciers for the draw on Saturday just mainly because I don't think United have been very good at all. And I haven't been great at all. I think they've lost eight home games this season in all competitions. So they're not amazing their own. And yet if you took this game in isolation, you'd look and go 23 shots, you know, add some chances, lost by penalties, talk it off, move on. But I think we're past the stage where you can take these games in isolation when you are 11 games without a win. I think a pattern has developed and something's got to, I mean, I don't know, I don't know things again, captain of you. Something's got to change, hasn't it? Yeah, it's 11 games a long time, isn't it? The last time we won, I still haven't watched Love Actually. The first time before. It kind of gives you the indication about longer screen. Yeah. And Saturday was like another, it's like Dave was saying, it's the same, same issues coming up, same problems, lots of shots. But I don't know if the shots were really, you know, a shot is just an attempt and an attempt could be a poor attempt or a good attempt. And you know, it's not an isolated game, is it? Because it's the whole, you've got to look at this pattern that's developing where we just, we're in games generally until we can see it anyway. And we look defensively all right. A couple of bad penalties given away, but there's not really going forward. We're being called toothless, which I think is an affront to people who have missing teeth because we're mouthless. We are faceless. Yeah, now you're right. In fact, Astro, big friend of Toffy TV did a great video and he was talking about, you want them out of the owners, but we don't know who they are. We are like a faceless. It's like, you know, you lose the TV in a moat and you can't find the volume button. You've just got to like caress your own telly, like fondling it, trying to find a little. That's what you're going to find the best complaint to have about is at the moment because we don't know who's in charge. So there's all sorts of issues. Either beautiful, it wasn't a beautiful moment, but it was certainly a poetic moment because I couldn't watch the game live on Saturday because I had one of my lads, I've got twin boys who were eight, one had a party, one didn't have a party. They're in different classes at school. So I went out with one of the lads and I was just, you know, making sure he had the fun time as well. And then I was sort of keeping a track on the score. And then the lads had gone to the party. The party was at this place in the Baltic quarter called Arcane's, which is a retro gaming place. They have barriers so you can't just waltz in. He's going to pay. So he's in the party. So we go to pick him up at one o'clock and as the game's about to finish. We're in the pub next to where the Arcane's is. My lad, who hadn't gone to the party is looking through the barriers tarbroken all of a sudden. He's not at this party. I'm facing the other way, watching Everton, feeling exactly the same. And one of the mums who was waiting to pick up a lad up just went, look at the state of you two. I just thought both of us are in bits here and it's dead depressing. That's two different reasons, but synergy on the left. I mean, Ped, it is the, you know, the shots thing. People will turn and go, that's 23 shots. Man, just for context, only Sheffield United have allowed more shots at their goal in Manchester United this season. So it's not as if we told them apart. But just once a goal goes in, the game plans gone because you don't know about you, but I'm just watching it. And it's not like we're getting rolled over and we can't get near them. There's none of that. But I just don't know what we're doing. I honestly don't know what we're doing. I think there's like, when you watch 14 now, you don't really see too many games where one team absolutely destroys another team anymore. I think that's why Sheffield United have stood out in so many games this season because that's so unusual for the Premier League. You see two teams who have got a lot of tactical nows. So it is quite tight. Games that aren't massive score lines. Most games are two teams who know what they're doing and it's normally like little fine margins and things. You know, the opposition having, or whatever team having really good players. And that's what we are. And I think sometimes people confuse like the fact that we're in games for quite long with being good. And it's not, it's just functioning, isn't it? It's just doing, but we all deep down now that once we go one nil behind, that we're in real trouble and the team were out of it. And funny enough 12 months ago when Sean Dice came in, that was the thing he changed. He managed to change that. From when you went one nil behind to suddenly going, actually we're not out of this game. And you know, the likes of thing forest away and Chelsea away. We're suddenly you went, we're not out of this game. Yeah, we led twice for forest, but yeah. But when it went to 1-1 now it forested. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Normally we just fold to bits but we went and got the second goal. Brilliant, maybe with that. So it changed that, but this season, the longer it's gone on, it's gone back to the way it was. And you know, just picking up the points there. I think my biggest problem is, is that it is the same every game. And the manager just keeps on coming out going. What do you want? Like, what do you want? Like, he just keeps going. Like on Saturday I listened to the Pescomers afterwards and he's basically saying, just try a bit harder. And it's like, what are you talking about? Like, no one can doubt these plays are working really hard. Yeah, yeah. But it's like, you've got to be prepared to get hurt. And I'm like, what's the stack? Did you just open a book of like, stereotypical manager things and go you've got to be prepared to get hurt. It's like, well, it's not like crosses are going in and my place aren't thrown in shells, are it? That's a bit. Going back to what Sam said there, it's like the chances, if you want to talk XG, no point, no six, that's our chance for each chance. That's nothing, that's rubbish. Yeah, yeah, terrible. It's having the ball and doing something with those two different things. We know that ourselves, we don't mind the opposition having the ball and that's what Manchester United did to us on Saturday. They basically said, you have the ball, we're really good to counter attacking. And I think the manager now has to start looking at doing something a little bit different. And that's why this break will be good. Is that, you know, whether that's going to three at the back for some games, whether that's playing two upfront, whether that's putting an actual right back at right back out. I mean, that would be revolutionary, wouldn't it? But he's got to change something because just doing the same thing, but then just like blaming like little tiny things because maybe that's what he thinks the fans want to hear. I don't think that's good enough personally. And I know I asked the question on Twitter on Saturday what's the issue? Is it the manager not being good enough or is the team just simply not good enough and the manager is getting the most out of them? It was a good split actually 50-50, but I think it's a little bit of both. I think the team are really, really average. I think we all know that and the manager has pulled moments, but I don't think there's that consistency anymore. And sometimes when he finds something, he's like, he doesn't mind throwing it away quite quickly. Like he had the right back situation and it was like, well, it's probably his shameless. And then the next minute it's Ben Goffrey and Ben Goffrey, I think he's been pulling the last couple of games. Now it'd be interesting to see what he changes and that means Nathan Paterson is just being abandoned. I just find that incredible that a kid. I don't understand the Nathan Paterson thing at all. And to be honest with you, he never really have done because for whatever reason he's never really been the first choice. Never. It's not terrible, is he? It's not terrible. He seems like a decent lad and he works hard. He seems to have all of the different attributes and you would assume that what he needs is time and experience in order to improve his game and craft what he's about. But for whatever reason, he's just never had it. Frank never played him either, did he? He started the season with him and then he got an injury. And he started the season brilliantly and he got injured under Frank. That was it then, he was back out. He came in under Benitez, though, didn't he? Yeah, yeah, but Benitez never really. Well, I don't think he ever actually had a game under Benitez. No, I know, but he was during that spell. Yeah, yeah, well, I mean he was... Frank inherited him. Yeah. And he didn't play until the next season and then he got injured after. But you're right about that, I think. Like, well, she met you at a Brantwaith this season. Brantwaith's brilliant, but he's put him in and just left him. And he's, okay, he's performed well. People, I, when people were going out, Paterson early on, he's causing us a problem. I didn't see it. I just saw a lad who we don't allow to go and do what he naturally does for Scotland. Because the brakes are put on him. You can see Dytelon to come back instead of raiding forward. So I just slightly, because I watched while I was doing stuff after him. I watched Crystal Palace feed Luton and although Palace should have had the game wrapped up five or six nil, just knew the longer it went on Luton. Because what Luton did, he just stayed in it. But the point I'm mentioning Luton is he know how to go forward. And now those players, I wouldn't go bar Ross Barclay. I wouldn't go through their plays and go, yeah, I'd have him, I'd have him, I'd have him. Because I wouldn't. The Ogbenny's all right because he's quite quick. And yet they have, you know, they have got life forward. Yeah. Robert Woods has done brilliantly with them. They know what they're doing. They attack, they bore pace. And we haven't. And it's as simple as that. And pace can come. And they're brave. There's no, they're no. And we're just playing within ourselves to try nicking nil nil or a 1-1. There's none of that. They just go for it. Does that speak to the sort of limited nature of Sean Dices, a manager though? Because obviously we know he's kind of his levels probably. Everton is probably his level at the moment. You know, if you look at, he was a bernie for a long time, but we're not really in the position to be getting a world-class manager at this point. So he's the kind of level that we get. But then what that brings is you've got a stubbornness that can be a strength in managers, but can also undo them. We've seen loads of managers. You've just stubbornly stuck to the guns and you know, kept kind of going down the same road that's not working for them. And as much as he's got strengths in that certain aspects of how he sets teams up, you know, they can be all about winning that second ball. It's all about the defensive strength. There's a massive weakness and a massive gap in adapting to what's in front of them and adapting within the game, which you know, everyone's talked about a lot about kind of just making substitutions far too late, not reacting to when there's a moment in the game that you could tweak something. When you look at that though, Sam, is the fact that there's been so many managers who have all suffered from this situation of Everton being a sort of heads-down team and lacking confidence and lacking belief and not having the bravery and the guts and you know, don't want to keep going about Luton but you know, all of the things that they possess under Rob Edwards. So while I agree with you in terms of Sean Dice, it's just like, but there's been, you know, there's been all these different managers in the last few years and actually the mentality of the playing squad and the 11 players that you've got out on the pitch largely hasn't really changed, unfortunately. Yeah, I think what it is, Dave, is it's the weight of expectation on the players who were just not good enough to play for Everton Football Club with the pressure that had demanded. I've said that for some time and I don't think that's the player's fault but it's because we're playing, because we're buying a calibre player now, just as a fan base, I personally believe we can't adapt as a fan base to the players we have and don't let me wrong, we've seen lots of drops but I think this is these years in the last three years or two years, whatever, we're seeing a collection of players that we know aren't good enough for our expectations and I think that must be tough on some of those players because taking a week in and week out it's almost impossible to impress us as a fan base and the manager has to cope with that as well because I don't think that many people are impressed with the manager either in terms of where he's come from or what his ceiling is and I think that's difficult to like rationale all that together. I think it's a real struggle. I think you look at some of like Branthwaith where you see a player who's just literally playing games without any issue and you know his level is so high and I think fans enjoy that. But he can deal with it some of that I just look at some of our plays and think you can't cope with this and I don't know whether the manager can quite grasp that as well because he's a manager who's at Burnley for so long. This will be the biggest job he'll ever get, let's be honest. I just think that where we want to be none of these people can take it there and that's a really difficult situation for all of us. I personally would let the manager go at the end of the season because I just I don't think he's got enough to take us forward as a football club because I do feel sorry for him at the moment. He's got the entire football club on his shoulders. He really has like we've gone back to then. There's nobody else. There's no spokesman for the club. There's no owner for the club. There's no CEO. There's no chairman and I feel really sorry for Sean Dyson that in that situation because I watch his press conference every week because I have to edit them and he talks quite a lot. He makes jokes and then he has to then he tells everybody that that was a joke. And it's just pathetic at times because it's like I don't want to get picked up for that. And it's like I find that is like saying almost like you already understand that the fan base just don't like you but there's no like connection there enough to go. Yeah, it's fine what he says whereas I think when we have a manager that we truly get behind we'll we have no issue with stuff like that. And it's I find it. I find the whole thing quite weird. I've said a few times Sean Dyson he feels like a man who lives out of a suitcase. He's not quite got both feet in the camp at Everton and it's to me I think I don't know whether other people feel that but I feel that and I don't he feels like a fella that it is at the end of the season just ready to get off and I I'll be honest right and I have no issue with saying this I'd take David Moyes back in a heartbeat because at the end of the day I think he perfectly fits what we are he is an Everton man and I think he puts his heart and soul into it and I'm not saying Sean Dyson isn't going to put his heart and soul in it but I just think he put absolutely every last thing and doesn't mind having an argument with the fan base because he knows he can sort of get away with it and I think he just fits Everton and by the way that's not a long term plan because I don't think we are a long term club at the moment we are a club fighting a fire here and then there'll be another fire next season and we aren't I've seen people say I'll go after the Ipswich manager and stuff like that and I'm like why? these fires are just paying them we need a guy we've seen it with Marko Silver and you know Marko Silver would have been a guy that probably should have been the future of Everton but the club just wasn't set up for him and I don't think there's anyone out there that you go ah he'd be a great manager nobody would we need a fella who understands but there'd be there's some of I say I'd love I'd love Naeglesman and someone like that but you need to be able to laugh his head off if you rang it exactly so you'd have no chance of getting him you know social what a manager but you'd have no chance people keep mentioning Marina all I think he might go to the Chelsea on Newcastle but Marina would be in the club down in the year himself he'd just set the club on fire literally because he'd just be like what is this? because until I think Sam said it right at the very start we are we're rudderless and faceless no one knows who's doing what we can't Sean Dites rightly or wrongly he's probably the safest man in football right now and that's fair enough Mishiri was still hands on I believe Sean Dites would have been sach by now because Frank Lampard never went 11 games without winning a game and he got sach Rafa Benitez didn't go 11 games without winning a game and he was chased as well so I'm not saying Dites should be what I'm saying is that's just an indictment of where we are as a football club right now is that there's nothing in fact it is Sean Dites who's driving the boat because nobody else is helping him such a strange combination though to have the weight of expectation but no resources to back it up no youth academy the youth academy where did it read that someone saying the youth academy it's dried up or something it was a poor judge piece wasn't it and again Sean Dites he said that so I mean what does that say for the rest of the club and again he's got every right to say if he's the manager if he feels like that if he's trying to temper expectations of young players coming through I understand that and apparently today Sean James Vaughan's been made head of youth recruitment because obviously they see him as the future of the they obviously see James Vaughan as a future sport director and I'm clearly trying because you've done that at Tramid before it was and there has been rumours that he was looking elsewhere to fear that his own career because of what he's doing so obviously they want to see they're seeing him and you can see him replacing Kevin Felwell in the not soon near future so obviously they're getting him up the ladder one bit of a time because they obviously I see him replacing Governor Cal that Lewis soon the way he's going I've got to plan Sam he's injured he's injured mate he gets injured he pulled his hamstring coming up the carpark of Finch Farm no I think that it is frustrating and again you know just to my issue is I understand all of the all of the stuff that's working against Sean Dites I really do but there was a lot of stuff working against Frank Lampard and everyone just skated over that Frank Lampard didn't have a sense of forward everyone was ready to burn him because we went three or four games without winning a game he literally was living out of his suitcase normally he was I didn't want Rapha Benitez it was the thing that began the decline of the football club simply by simply by appointing him don't get me wrong he's not the reason but we appointed him and that was the kind of signal yeah that's down to that that's when the slides were coming off the side of the airplane exactly yeah I wonder if you get I wonder if you get Frank and Big Sam and Carlo and Marco and whatever all sat round having a coffee yeah a big podcast a big podcast that yeah but whether they all ultimately go back to what we've been saying or what you were saying Ped in terms of that weight of expectation they would all say do you know what you're right because it will never work because of x, y and z I wouldn't swap positions with Sean because they all know they've all been there they've all experienced the same thing it's the great unsaid isn't it you know they all leave but they never really say what what the problem was the problem was ultimately the problem as you said and then the expectation whereby we're not in a position now to be anything like the club that we should be or feel we deserve to be and how on earth do we get ourselves to that position and again for the final mention of Luton I apologise but you know when you've got a club like that who deal with every game almost like an underdog cup final because they don't have that weight of expectation because to be honest with you if they're enjoying being where they are they and their fan base don't expect that they're never favourites you know I mean really I mean with the exception of going up against Sheffield or Burnley or something at the moment at home they're never going to be favourites they're always the underdogs and therefore they think well we've got nothing to lose and we'll go for it and that I guess is we don't have that situation my only thing especially not 40,000 people at home is that I just want to see us attacking teams and I know the limitations but I still believe we can be more offensive than what we are I just think the safety first thing to me doesn't work overall because you might get a lot of draws in those games but the teams you play win lose end up being alright because it's like Brentford Brentford are rubbish this season and there's been reasons for it but on Saturday he could have been 5-0 down after half an hour but he went and he won and then Ramsdale does what Ramsdale does throws one in his net and then Arsenal are waiting for 10-15 minutes before the end to Nick a winner but Brentford will attack and go at teams and they'll win some games where I look at us and I just think a MO very much is nil nil for as long as you can on Saturday we can Nick a set piece and I'm not having to go with the manager for that because I think away from home that's fine and he's done a really good job away from home and he's done a good job of creating that kind of we stay in games like you said if we go behind it isn't over that and he's got a good mentality there but I just think certainly for this season when we're looking at four home games we're fairly chef united and Brentford they're the four games that are probably going to define where we are because we're going to lose points again and yet if we play the safety first in those four games we'll get beef or we'll draw and that won't be any good Sam you're a comedian, cheer us up for God's sake Go let's Sam I've got this funny cat video to show you because I wanted to offer a slightly optimistic counterpoint to all of it I've agreed with everything that's been said and this isn't necessarily my stance Is that what you're that's what it's pre-sold them Is that what they're telling you to say? Isn't it love actually kind they're just holding Keira Knightle is like Keira Knightle's got the cards They've locked me wife under the stairs so unless I say something optimistic they're not going to lie about it So because the caveat to this is that I admit that we're not living in this we're living in the reality that we're living in so this is just but hypothetically Dwight McNeill scores a second goal against Westam with that miss there's been multiple other occasions where we could have put again to bed or we could have held out for a win instead of a draw like going against Brighton three of those occasions and there's been more than three just say three of them going our favour we've got seven, eight, nine more points that we have we're not panicking about this next points deduction all of a sudden we're looking at Daish and still appreciating his limitations but we're actually thinking maybe he's the person to get us into the new stadium that's kind of there that was your kind of point which is just someone who's going to study the shape and keep us solvent until then the flip side of that is of course none of that happens so we're living in where we're living but it's the fine margins so what do you think because how do we score goals what are your thoughts on if someone like an Ellis Sims was still at the club like getting him on I know he's not at the right standard but could he have potentially scored two goals and made a massive difference to our points Tally I think Tom Cannon would have been the one I think he would have had a season where gradually over the season he would have emerged but then he's not really used Chimity that much as he so Chimity was I know Chimity was probably less not as good as Tom Cannon but he's been brought in as a long term project and he gets a couple of minutes I find it again Baz will probably even be more on this it's like on Saturday you're two and Neil Daly taking a centre forward why not just play both of them and pump it long every time you get it or just do something a little bit different near the frustration but I do agree what you're saying there are so many sliding doors moments I think that week the Brighton and the West Ham week I'm hoping it doesn't but could play out to be one of the most pivotal weeks in the season you hang on for three points of Brighton and then you beat West Ham and I think we're safe I honestly think we're safe at the end of that week everyone's like you said Dave, once you've chilled out a little bit you've got the points already you just need those final ones to get you over the line but now you're looking over your shoulder and you spend all weekend you see Boam of equalise you see West Ham equalise even even though games where you think those teams are never going to catch us but you're still delighted you're still delighted that those teams haven't got any closer to you you're made up Brighton of held on I slightly disagree with you Dave because of the points deduction it makes it very hard to pick a winner next Saturday when they play to you there but I think Forrest are but it's deciding who you want to win isn't it I think Forrest are the ones because I think Forrest are like us I think you're absolutely right Luton are the ones where they're just playing for fun they don't care Forrest there's a bit more expectation on them and because of that points deduction I think they're the ones that we should be not focused on but clearly when it all plays out and who knows when it's all going to play out so do we lose six do you think no I think I don't know I think they're going to lose six I think Forrest are going to lose six and I think if they do lose six then that puts them way behind that puts them behind Luton now won't it and that's where it becomes all really difficult and again that's where the fans are suffering all of us are suffering is none of us now none of us now we'll see what happens let's move on because a scene of story what do you think of this scene of story with a dad had suck a six year old for a game in knock and run oh yeah if you said eight year old dad has said some possibly when the man didn't want to true boy he's got two he can have one knocking and the other one like having to keep a lookout down the street the other one was at a party the other one was at a party just do that just do and the reason why he had a little bit of stick off from people you know shouldn't be doing that what he said was he got in and his kid was just sat in front of the telly all day wanted to get them out away from the telly and like this is what we used to do all of that so I mean I haven't got kids I'm going to leave this all right as a non parent get them a bit of exercise bit of sprinting and then if you go like as a game and reference next level take them home and bargain sticks up in the pocket don't tell them when the alarm goes off see how fast he can run and I think that's good exercise with a little bit of danger thrown in and the kid is really stealing anything easy and at the end of the day you're teaching the child a lesson about stealing be dead faster running Sam is this something you're going to be looking at a game of knock and run with your eight year olds I mean potentially we have a day especially if the last like four years with lockdown and stuff like that and actually knock and run in lockdown would have been very very covid safe getting away we're gloves for the knock like the old bargain idea I think picking mix is a good starting point because you know that's easy to steal from and it's just easy that's why bullish with bust Sam you're doing a sinny weld sinny weld and speak the problem is though can I just pick a mix of 33 quid you've got the danger factor what I do like about that Sam is anyone who knows sinny weld and speak it has an escalator so you're throwing that element of danger in your kid up for gladiators exactly for a stunt double for the born identity but there you go Dave is this well that's like elite level if that's where you're going innit Dave I mean as someone who fumes when the bell goes as we've shown on this podcast a couple of times what would be your take on the knock and run well I don't think my daughter would be interested in it anymore because she's 16 now she's probably passed that but when we're looking at it as being a comparison to just sitting on your ass playing games all day which is ultimately what this dad was trying to shake up and change then yeah I'm all for old fashioned pastime you know as long as you don't try to get the one address you know what I mean absolutely and you sort of mix it up a little bit and as you say it's no different to when I'm sitting here and then the doorbell will go and then it will be the amazon delivery driver who will have actually knocked again by the time I get down there that really pisses me off I'm coming you know but to be fair to them they do have a window of you know whatever it is 10 seconds per parcel and they have to move by the time you open the door all you can see is the van going out the end of the close getting out the end of the close getting out the end of the close you've got you're adding an intelligence factor in because you've got to make sure you get the door that hasn't got a ring doorbell because in this day and age in this day and age they've got you're on camera straight away and that's it so you've got to maybe the element might be you have to throw a bell clap I mean that it makes it more interesting isn't it it does unless you go to a home and bag and with that you know or you keep that up when you get a sand elite level it's like a game generally or you can just have the mask we're still living Covid times don't we there you go all these old class times though as much as the press weren't that wholesome we don't let any of our kids do that anymore don't play knock and run don't play KB, don't play on the road no ballgames here's an iPad, go on the internet with unregulated websites where kids pretend to be kids kids pretend to be adults there's AI all over the place that's really fine I've said this loads of times Sam again as a non-parent the amount of times that kids get stick for stuff that basically our generation has put onto them these kids these days only do it's like yeah cos we told them to do that we told them not to go outside we told them not to play footy in the park we told them not to go on the railway line you know these things let's move on cos I just wondered that we ever done this you know the way things are getting smaller it's badly for money's goal well as we speak once you get old that happens but this woman this woman got a bag of McCoy's Chris all the Chris's are available not for air obviously and counted how many Chris were in the pack cos he thought that feels a bit light so how many well there you go you can get them in toilets now in a machine three I don't think that's true anyway you three are going to guess how many Chris were in the bag so go on Pedd you start to stop I'm going to go with nine David Witty I'm going to go slightly higher I'm going to say twelve is the number that I have Sam Avery it's like being at a summer feed this I'm going to say eight David Witty is on the note there was twelve McCoy's Chris in the bag twelve there you go so I mean I haven't got a reference on this I don't know what was in the bags previously no but I'm just saying are you surprised that it's only twelve Chris or are you pleasantly surprised are you thinking twelve it's like not long ago when to accompany my lunchtime wrap because I work from home you'd actually get a packet of crisps and create a crescent of crisps which used to be a sort of garnish sometimes if you went for certain meals was that garnish with shortle no not with shortle there was none fresh in but the thing is that I was amazed and disappointed at how little content product came out of that one bag and you would expect to empty the bag and suddenly it would fill half the plate and it was literally like a handful I think it's cheating because it's all just air isn't it it is air would they say that they're trying to do us a favour by reducing sizes they're just maximising profit aren't they exactly sometimes you get those crisps where it says healthy option lower calories and then you feel the packet and you're like that because it's just the A that's the non-calories the A less sugar yes because there's less marzbar you tit put that on a t-shirt the marzbars have gone smaller years ago when you used to see the woman eating them and they had bits with the vine down the middle that one was quite big but obviously like before the vine down the middle was a Ben Elton reference of how seductive marzbars were with the woman eating them and putting the vine in her mouth but they have gone smaller not everything has gone smaller hasn't it everything has gone smaller people counting jaffa cakes and things like that Sam I believe you did a an interesting gig at the weekend in the beautiful town of Harrogath did yeah mother's day wasn't it I mean what a day to do a gig but tell us about it tell us about it so I finished my tour so I'm doing some support stuff for a comedian called Sophie McCartney very funny female comedian she's got this incredibly huge following of it's mainly mums so this massive theatre in Harrogath there's like a thousand people there it's mother's day and on the support act no one knows A that I'm on, B who I am the lights go down everyone goes whooo because they've all been drinking mimosas since they were like gymsons midday or whatever with the kids and I went ladies and gentlemen please welcome and they all went whooo and I said my name and the disappointment I've never, I mean I'm used to disappointing women but only on an individual basis and this was a thousand women at once going who and I walked out and I was hung over as well and I was expecting it to be a much more pleasant gig and it I had to really work hard I got them by the end they were enjoying themselves but not necessarily from what I was saying so proud Sam having a lovely day despite you that's all that's it yeah I did sort of make the joke I'm like an inset day because you didn't expect me and you don't want me and you've just got to get through it you've just mentioned something there Sam that I was going to mention and it always fascinates me when comedians have to introduce themselves do you change your voice for that moment? I do but I'm a bit of a tit so I think some people leave it to say some people are shocked though when they realise it's you doing your own intro but like who do they think I am I think I'm James Brown I've got like Bobby in the back he just does me intros and then he plays me a foot rub at the end of the show someone comes on and puts a towel round you and takes you off that went you for it so yeah but I do put a voice on sometimes just for the comedy just for the for your messes my own voice for the intro and a different voice for the whole show that's nice so I can just put him in his house going on it's Sam Avery making a cup of tea and he just like comes in anyone want a power bar and a lucasade that's our now's joke always a good one I've got a question here from Julian Clark who says hi guys as the legend goes Saint Patrick banished snakes from Ireland if you could banish any animal what would it be and why for me it would be the persistent nuisance that our seagull says Julian well Ned's going to try and play his part in Ned versus seagull in May at Landau Dnod we can't wait for that but Dave go on we'll start with you I think seagull is a good shout actually to be honest with you because I do find them a pest you know and they must be the scourge of ice cream or chips or chips so yeah they would be one for the for the band list I mean wasps is an easy one to say just get rid of them because they don't really contribute anything other than just sort of your pub guard and experience yeah that's exactly what they do what else don't we like you give us two there you go there's two flying things that I think that the world would probably be better off without I don't really see their contribution in a positive aspect fair play Sam what would be yours I agree with both of them too it would be interesting to see actually one of them if you chain and if you take one animal out it wrecks everything I'm sure we'll be fine without seagulls and wasps I'm sure we've already killed off something in between anyway so look everything's fine everything's great in it so here we are so wasps are just like bees you've had the bevy aren't you that's what they feel like it's just angry I used to have a joke years ago I used to say wasps are like let me get this right wasps are like you know when you're at a barbecue and you're like ah there's a wasp and then you realise it's a bee you're like oh no it's not a wasp it's a bee that's like when you meet them when you go ah no I thought he was American but he's actually Canadian do you know what they like but it's against America they're like wasps are very much gammon bees aren't they gammon, gammon bees big red face it just dates everything just dates everything I just want to tell you how much they ate just not I get rid of pigeons pigeons government spash death out I'm going to go probably like rats because they're getting too big for the boots they're getting cocky remember the ones we saw in Washington they were horrible they were huge and they're just going round shoulders up do you know what I mean obviously in American accent they're all stoned what we saw it was another thing rats getting big for the boots and slugs I mean what's that about you've got to piss off because you've lost your shell is that what it is the homeless you can't have a go you can't have a go you can't have a go I don't really like it I don't know any call a Katie then I mean there might be a Katie in Philly come now and price them out because the shell was probably in some hamlet like where Dave lives in the next you know what I mean it's been bought out by someone who only rented out once a year that's the way we live like a second homing slug appear to tear for a slug there's a snail out there getting a summer holiday someone else so slugs and rats see spiders and after bin I know they're probably good at what they do you know what I mean they're up there I can't have them if they just stay somewhere where you went listen if I go over there I know I'm going to come across spiders that's fine it's when they're coming your house exactly Australia they're coming your house you don't want them you know what I mean well if you're there just go get under the floor stay out the way come out in the middle of the night when it's pitch black and I can't see you the ones who come up and you throw them out and they turn and you leg it back to you the fuck are you doing I threw you out why are you coming back why are you running back to ours you haven't got a key you don't pay people eating capsules maybe they're playing knock and run maybe if all the spiders could talk to each other they could basically kill everyone on earth like in no time at all I mean that's a sobering thought isn't it that's the answer another reason on planet earth at any one moment there's 18 billion chickens so if they all got together I mean Colonel Sanders would be in for it would they be in on them maybe don't there should another couple of quick ones for how you finish Carl says I understand the whale record for the number of live scorpions you can hold in your mouth for 10 seconds is 22 what random skill do you think you have with more practice you could hold the whale record that's tough isn't it do you know what I've got to go for this is as random as it gets the amount of 10 peas I could stack on my elbow and then scratch you think you could break a whale record a bit of practice bit of practice because I think it's died out that's like a pub game isn't it that is a pub game now will be the time as well I've got nothing else to do nothing else to do you could hone your skills now will be the time to actually make the most of this the elbow money catching skills but now in our football club that's probably what Dwight MacNeill's doing for the next three weeks Sean Dyche is going to no, no, forget practicing with your right foot just see how many 10 peas you can get on your elbow I'm not convinced do you think you've got up your sleeve or not up your sleeve I'm pretty good at loading dishwashers so you think you could break the whale record I'm just fast anything that's like when I've had enough practice also loading the trolley at Aldi at the tilt you've got to be really quick dry stone wall as they say they never touch a stone twice because they get it and they find the place straight away and that's me I'm the same I used to be one of those people that used to panic in the supermarket where you couldn't in the days where they would give you bags without having to ask for them and they were the thin ones and the stuff would start coming down and you'd have that panic and then you've got people looking at you and it's an anxiety situation so you've got good at it I got good at it but now when I go to Aldi as well you have to perform to their level because they are so good and you're there and they kind of go how are you going to say I'm fine and you're thinking I'm ready now let's go and he or she is slamming the stuff down and you're quickly putting it all in the thing and no bags for me and Ikea bag in the boot of the car so it all goes dry into the trolley the big blue one it's a way forward right so I've got the big thing so everything goes in dry in the trolley then I get to the car, everything goes in no bags, no wastage, no landfill all into the Ikea bag in the back and then it's all good and then when I get home I just have to hoit this thing in on the kitchen floor done Ikea bag back in the car no mess, no fuss I think you could smash that absolutely and the final question well I've been informed the world record for coins is 328 set in 1993 by Michael Torres but the fact that it was the fact that it was 1993 says that it's dried off 31 year old record and I think but also I imagine the size of coins have probably got smaller as well that's going to be an advantage to me because nobody said the size of the coin so I think now that the coin size will be smaller and that's an advantage to me it's a great way of looking at it it's a fascinating concept exactly right, last one if you could wipe one vegetable or meat from existence what would it be for me for him it would be Brussels sprouts and mutton as the meat he's given you two but it can be just a vegetable or a piece of meat go to Sam, Sam go on mate vegetable and loose would be parsnips no brainer awful and then meat you don't have to do two but you can if you want I'm just thinking of that really really cheap ham with a bear's face on it reflection in it there you go I'd go celery from a vegetable just shout that it's like soil just crap celery and if I was to go for a meat it would have to be and this is potentially controversial but anything that's sort of awfully like kidney that's not meat that's an organ people eat chunk people eat chunk all of that can go for me I don't think anything's organs it's not great it doesn't seem to be great anyway is avocado a vegetable don't care too many all this avocado and toast shite nonsense so your life's got a bit of jam on you toast your gimps I mean again copy on a t-shirt if avocado was any good it would have made jam out of it I think you probably can get out of that no you can isn't that what guacamole is that's what it is that's jam that's avocado jam no wonder why I spread it on toast that proves it shite being it people do eat guacamole on toast but you go for avocado I think I'm with Dave celery or parsnips I'm not sat at home every week going I'll try it again this week but I just miss it she likes roast parsnips they're amazing and all that the gated community are known for their roast parsnips and I just can't get on board with it and celery has just got such a bitterly horrible even though again that's very good I'm going for spam as well cos as I've said many times any food that you could only get with a ration card is should be bint simple as that you should get condensed milk years ago but if you're strawberry's in that was naughty that but spam I'm with you could be left from and what's with those tins when you have to get the weird like key but that was because the war time so it was giving people things like trenches so a bit of bomb work you know what I mean let's go do you have a twist on a canpole on metal I was just training it up you didn't realise it it was the winch it was a small business of a winch so we have to get out and winch this show we don't need these skills anymore we can't do anything but who knows we're getting back to knock and run spam's coming back we're trying to get rid of the spiders and rats and snakes this just sounds like four middle age complaining maybe that could be the name of the podcast ultimately it is isn't it from the first point in which we press record today we've complained about football we've complained about animals and celery sound complaining about women does what it says on the tin very much like spam your tit and we started by complaining about bush so there you go let's leave it there I mean that'll carry on that'll run and run there wouldn't be bush in there it was mother's day he knows ladies and gentlemen wax or no wax that would have gone down tremendously figure it out let's move on say what you see hold your plums we are done thank you very much to Sam and Dave make sure you give this a like subscribe give it a five star follow Dave and Sam on all of their socials just watch him brilliantly like a 3x4 Sam and Dave do soulman did Sam and Dave they were like yeah by the way when I say Sam and Dave I mean two people one called Sam and one called Dave not Sam and Dave Sam and Dave brings the fish out of the well he's the fella that dives on he thinks the dive has gone down the river he comes outside you know opens the back doors of his car leaps in he's got a crack he's great me Sam and Dave Sam and Dave will get there he stinks though this is getting very fishy let's leave it there we'll see you all next week take it easy bye