 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with no wonder. I don't know what the words trademark stand for, but just for fun, I looked up the actual definition yesterday and I found something I liked. Well, the dictionary says that by association, the trademark becomes a symbol of goodwill. Well, the name Jell-O is a trademark and we hope that for you it is a symbol of goodwill and also of good-eating. And if you always insist on genuine Jell-O by name, you're sure of good-eating every time. Well, that name is the property of general foods and it tells you here is the real thing. The one and only Jell-O. It tells you that here's a grand dessert, bright with cheerful color, delicious with extra rich fruit flavor. If you hear any other Jell-Oton dessert called Jell-O, you'll know that's incorrect. There is no other Jell-O. So don't accept any substitutes. Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. There's no wonder played by Phil Harris in his orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, hey, Jack, Jack. Oh, Phil, where's Jack? I don't know. I got enough trouble taking track of my hillbillies. Oh, I know where Jack is. He's in the next room talking to Barbara Whitney on the telephone. Oh boy, is he gaga about her. Well, she's beautiful. It's a shame the way Jack is falling for her. I think she's nothing but a gold digger. Well, she'll have to use a dredge to get any out of him. Say, fellas, let's open the door and listen in on him. Oh no, that wouldn't be nice. Ain't that too bad. Open her up, Mary. Yes, Barbara? Yeah? Oh, you don't really mean that. You do? Uh-huh. Uh-huh? Uh-huh. Gee, that was cute. What a sap. Oh, let him alone. He's only young twice. Oh, oh, you know I do, Barbara. I called you four times today, didn't I? That's four nickels. That's 20 cents. What a Romeo. He keeps books yet. Now look, honey, am I going to see you tonight? Oh, you're going to a cooking school? Well, that's encouraging. How about Monday night? I'd see. Well, Tuesday night? Wednesday night? When you get to Friday, it's me. What's that, Barbara? Oh, you can see me Thursday night? Well, that's swell. Shall I bring you some more peanut brittle? Oh, it's no trouble. I insist. I'll bring you a great big bag. Gee, he must get it wholesale. Well, Barbara, I have to hang up now. I'll see you Thursday. Bye-bye, honey. Let's get back here. Hurry up. See you, what a gal. I got a pocket full of... Oh, fellas, I'm sorry I'm late. I just bumped into an old friend of mine out in the corridor. Old friend, eh? Yeah, I haven't seen him in years. In fact, I used to go to school with him. I bet he was surprised to see you got out. Hey, that's a good one. Let's get started with the program. I'm raring to go. Oh, you certainly look at Jack. I've never seen you so radiant and happy. Why, you're positively beaming. Well, why shouldn't I be happy? It's Thanksgiving. The frost is on the pumpkin. I'm going to have turkey and dressing and cranberries. Nuts. And nuts and raisins. Oh, boy, it's the holiday season. All right, Jack. All right, cut the kid. We know you were talking to Barbara on the phone. We heard you mention her name. Barbara? Oh, I know what you mean. It was Taylor and Santa Barbara. It was a long-distance call. You're Taylor? Yeah. Do you always pay for your suits with peanut brittle? Peanut brittle? Oh, oh, I just sent him that for a gag. He's a nice fella and I like him. You must like him all right. You kept calling him Honey. Honey? Yeah, we heard you. Well, why sure I call him Honey. That happens to be his name. Honey Boy Ginsburg. Now listen fellas, I was just a business call, so let's forget it. Well, if it was a business call and he's your Taylor, why couldn't he see it tonight? Because he's busy. He's working on my suit. That's why. Well, if he's working on your suit, why is he going to cooking school? He's making panties for lamb chops and shut up. Gosh, you think this was a quiz program? Well, Jack, the whole thing is your fault. Now, why didn't you come out in the first place and admit that you were talking to Barbara? You're not ashamed of her, are you? I was talking to my Taylor, his name is Honey Boy, and he lives in Santa Barbara. How do you mind if I get off the witness stand? No, say Jack, did he make that suit you've got on now? This one? Yeah, but the cuffs on the sleeves are my own idea there. It's the latest thing, too. Not bad, huh? That's the only mac-a-no I ever saw with pants. Well, that's just sour grapes. You don't know what you're talking about. Say Jack, it's not a bad looking suit at that, but isn't it just a little loose on you? It's a little loose on, but it's supposed to be. You see, this is an English drape model. It's not supposed to fit snug, you know. Just the same. You look like you were punctured. Well, Mary, if I were you, I wouldn't pass any remarks about anyone else's apparel, especially with that hat you've got on tonight. Where do you get them all? You ought to see this one, folks. It looks like a bird's eye view of a knit on a nap. Oh, what a lid. Oh, oh, hello, Kenny. Hello, Jack, how's your love life? What are you talking about? Did you buy that ring yet? Ring? What ring? Oh, I saw Jack in a jewelry store the other day looking for some rings. Don't get excited, Kenny. He's buying it for his tailor. Oh. Well, Jack, I hope you'll both be very happy. Now, Kenny, just relax and don't get all confused. What's that you got in your hand? Well, I'm selling some tickets on a turkey raffle. You want to buy one? That was two turkeys, wasn't it? Well, one ticket on a turkey raffle. Oh, well, well. Oh, come on. How about it, Jack? They're only a half a dollar. Isn't that cute, Kenny, running your raffle? Are you having any trouble selling tickets? Not until now. I was talking to Kenny. Kenny, it's time for your song now, and I'll buy a ticket right after you finish. How's that? I'll buy it now, Jack. What's three minutes' interest on 50 cents? Mary, I'm not going to interrupt the program on a personal matter. I'll buy a ticket later. Go ahead with your song, Kenny. Okay. Wait a minute. I'll take it. Hello? Who? Oh, hello, honey. Boy. I said hello, honey. Boy, you're my glad to hear from you. Who is it, Jack? My tailor. He's calling from Santa Barbara. What? What's that? You can't make my soup Thursday night? Nice work, Jack. We don't catch on. Mary, quiet. Well, gee, I wish you could make it. I've got reservations at the Copeland Grove. Oh, he dances, too. Well, look, honey, boy, how about Friday night or Saturday night? I smell a rat. Does anybody else? Quiet. Look, Mr. Ginsburg, I'll have to call you back later. What? Yes, I like the soup. All right, I love the soup. What? All right, I love you. Goodbye. Well, sing, Kenny, what are you looking at? Gosh. Well, I gotta have soup, don't I? What am I, a nudist? Then I'll build such a nest in the place I love a bandit on Maryland Just a wonder what it seems And I care not for him or Rina There's little town in Old County Down sung by Kenny Baker and very good Kenny And now, folks... Hey, Jack, what about that raffle ticket? Kenny, I'll take care of that later. Well, you said you'd wood right after my song. Why don't you buy it now? Oh, tell him why, Don. Because if Jack took the time out to buy a raffle ticket, I wouldn't be able to say the Jell-O is the most economical and popular dessert in America today. You see, Kenny? It is tempting, delightful, and comes in six delicious flavors. So look for the big red letters on the box. There you are, Kenny. I understand. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as our feature attraction for this evening is rather long, tonight, the Benny Whiteface Minstrels will present their version of Metro Goldwood Mayor's current film achievement. That stirring drama of newsreel cameramen and their adventures in the jungle. That sensational story too hot to handle. Thank you. As you may remember, this picture starred Clark Gable and Myrna Lloyd. I will play the part of that ace cameraman as portrayed on the screen by Mr. Gable. Myrna Lloyd's role will be enacted... Wait a minute, Jack. Why do you always grab the star part for yourself? Now Myrna Lloyd's role will be enacted... One week you're Bob Taylor, this week you're Gable. Why can't I have a part like that? Now Myrna Lloyd's role will be enacted... What am I around here astooge? Definitely. Now, Mary. Mary, you're going to play Myrna Lloyd's part. That's a relief. I thought you were going to grab that, too. No, that's all yours. Now you're going to be Myrna Livingston, that daredevil flyer. Now in this play, you have a brother who is also a flyer. What are we, a trapeze act? Mary, you're an aviatorix. In fact, you're just as much at home in the air as you are on the ground. That's fine. I get dizzy when I eat a three-decker sandwich. All right, you'll only be acting, and we'll get a better joke for tonight. Now let's see. In the last scene, we go into the jungles of Africa. So Kenny, you'll have to play the part of a cannibal. A cannibal? What's that? The cannibal, Kenny, is the kind of a guy who'd go into a restaurant and order the waiter. Now, Don, Don, you'll have to be a cannibal, too. Oh, Jack, I don't think I'd like to do that. Cannibals have no class or dignity. Well, Don, we'll let you wear spats. You'll do all right. Jack, I can't play the part of a savage. I'm not vicious enough. Don, you'll be vicious if I have to cut your salary. Which threw me a thought. Now, let's see. Who else do we need? Say, Jack... What is it, Kenny? If you cut Don's salary, will you buy a raffle ticket? Maybe. Well, so much for the casting of our play. So now, folks... Say, Jack, not that I care, but is there a part for me in this taffy pole? Oh, yes, Phil. Yeah, you're going to be my boss, the head of the Union Newsreel Company, and your name is Phil Fathead. Fathead? Yes. Well, you better call me by my first name or I'll knock that gold tooth right out of the front row. I haven't got a gold tooth, Smarty. I've been eating salmon. Now, our play, spawn of the North... I mean, too hot to handle it... will go on immediately after the next number. Are you ready, Maestro? Yeah, but I don't like the idea of being cooped up in an office. Isn't there any other part for me? Yes, Phil, if you can stand a crank in your ear, you can be a camera. Now, go ahead and play. Hold it a minute. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes? Are you going in the jungles tonight to visit the cannibals? Yes, I am. Why? Well, I'll be seeing you. Yum, yum. Fine cannibal. I hope I give him into gesture. That was Jeepers Creepers, played by Colonel Corn and his orchestra. What a leader his baton says ever sharp on us. You know, Phil, you'd think you could buy a real baton with what I pay you just about. Phil, I could answer that remark, but you wouldn't appreciate it. And now, folks, we will proceed with our play, Too Hot to Handle, or Sleepy Time Down South Africa. The opening scene is the office of the Union Newsreel Company, New York City. As the curtain rises, we find the editor, impatiently awaiting the arrival of his ace cameraman, Clark Benny, who needs no introduction. Curtin Mayuzzi. Union Newsreel Company. Mr. Benny? He's not here. He's in China. Yes, I'll tell him when he gets back. Mr. Stewart, who is that calling Benny? His tailor, Barbara Whitney. Oh. Well, Clark better get here today. I sent him to China five weeks ago to get some more pictures. We need them right away. Here he comes now. Hi, you cheap old boy. How's the old kid? He is good to be back. It's about time you got here. Have you got the pictures with you? Yes, sir. And I got some swell stuff. Boy, did I have a time there. Well, tell me, how did you find things in China? China? That's what all me. I thought you sent me to Chinatown. Well, well. Chinatown? Why you blundering idiot? You're fired. Now calm down, Chief. You don't want to fire me. Well, I'm the best cameraman in the business and you know it. You call yourself a cameraman. Yeah. Why you were on the SS Roxbury when it sank last year and you didn't even get a shot of it. Well, naturally. The Captain hollered women and children first and I felt young. Anyway, if you'd give me a little more dough, I could do better work. More dough? Yeah. My camera's been in the hot shop so much the soundtrack is coming out in dialect. What do you expect anyway? I've had enough of your alibis, Clark. You're through. Oh, you can't fire me, Chief. Imagine how my wife and kitties will feel. You haven't got any wife and kitties. That's why I said imagine. Anyway, Chief, I've got an idea that'll give us the greatest scoop of the year. What is it? You know, I just ran into Myrna Livingston, the famous flyer. You know, the girl whose brother was lost in the jungles of Africa four years ago? Yeah, I remember. Here's the dope, Chief. She knows exactly where her brother is. Now, if you let me go down there and save him and get pictures of the rescue, it'll make news real history. What do you say? Oh, you couldn't find her, brother. You haven't got one chance in a million. Go on. That's what you said when I bought that ticket on the Irish sweepstakes. Well, you didn't win, did you? No, but I turned green. Now, look, Chief, Myrna'll be here in a few minutes. I don't want to disappoint her. Come on. What do you say? It's a deal, but remember, this is your last chance. Thanks, boss. You'll never regret it. Here she comes now. Hello, Myrna. Hello, Mr. Clark. That's Clark. Now, listen, Myrna, I got great news for you. The Chief is going to let us take that trip to Africa and save your brother. Isn't that great? My brother? Yes, your brother, Ignat's Livingston. Remember? Oh, yes, Ignat. Well, why can't you go alone? You've got to come with me. Your brother's been there four years. I will be able to tell him from a cannibal. We couldn't do that at home. Oh, come on, Myrna. Come on. It'll be a great experience. But, Clark, what about clothes? I don't know what to wear in Africa. All you need is a ring in your nose and that hat. Come on, let's go. Okay. Wait a minute. I'm not taking any chances this time. I'm going with you. Hurray, Attaboy Chief! Hey, Myrna, where's your airplane? On my charm bracelet. Not that one. Where's the real one? The one that goes up in the air. It's in the elevator rehearsing. Good. Come on, Chief. Come on, Myrna. Come on, Chief. Come on, Myrna. We're off to Africa. Two weeks later, Clark, Myrna, and Fat Head land in Africa. As we pick them up, they've been fighting their way through the jungle for several days and have almost reached their destination. Here, I'm tired. I didn't think it was going to be like this. Three days of walking through this infernal jungle. Yeah, me with no shoes on. That's your fault. My fault? What am I, a weather vane? It's dangerous, too, with all those wild animals prowling around. Oh, boy, am I hot. Well, you ought to be hot. What's the idea of wearing a fur coat? Can I help it if this lion wants to play piggyback? Oh. Get off of there, lion! Get off! This wouldn't happen if it wasn't an MGM picture. Gee, I hope we get there pretty soon. Hey, listen to that. Careful, there must be snakes. Could be our audience, you know. Quiet, Myrna. Hey, Fat Head, what'd you do with the movie camera? Where is it? You know that hippopotamus we passed a little while ago? Yes. Well, he yawned. Oh, that's fine. I'm here to get pictures and no camera. Darn those gazelles that are always running between my legs. What's the matter? Look, there's my brother Igna. Where? Right over there. That's a baboon. Oh, look at him. Isn't he cute? Hello, baboon. Hello, Uncle Jack. Uncle Jack? Now, that's just a wild guess. Oh, yeah? How's everybody in Waukegan? Oh, a wise guy, eh? Let's get out of here. Relative. That baboon don't look a bit like me, does he, Mary? He would if he'd shaved. Oh, you've been reading Darwin. Hey, listen to that. Listen to those tom-toms. They must be almost there. What's that right ahead of us? A village. And there's a whole tribe of natives. Gee, they're fierce-looking. Yeah. Here comes one of them this way. Now act nonchalant. Let me do the talking. I can speak their language. Hello there, Goomba. I'll find out where Ignax is. Uba-gooba-lalimono-i-gnax? Ignax-gooba-boola-ki-ki-floy-floy. You hear that? We're just in time. Ignax is still alive. I'll find out where he is. Uba-gooba-lomo-chi-chi-i-gnax? Walla-ki-ki-zooba-frigidaire. Frigidaire? What does he mean? They're keeping your brother on ice. Why are they keeping him on ice? So he won't be too hot to handle. Thanks, nephew. Here they go again. Look, the natives are coming towards us. Yes, and they're carrying a white man on their shoulders. You're right. That's my brother. Clark, do something. Take it easy, Myrna. Don't get hysterical. I'll talk to the chief of the tribe. I think that's him in front. Halt! Ni-wana-toka. Are you the chief? Goomba! Uba-gooba-zama-pow-ow-chi-chi-u-la-mo-na-tala-muga? Would you mind saying that again? He talks English. Yes, I went to college, but I came back to the jungle to govern my people. Good. Then we can talk. Now listen to me. The white man you are holding prisoner is this girl's brother, and I want you to release him immediately. Oh, no, we're going to eat him. Eat him? Then you're still a cannibal. What good is it to do you to go to college? I use a knife and fork now. I'll get this you. We came here to rescue that white man, and he's going back with us. Sorry, old man, but he's on the menu for tonight. Oh, you can't do that. Well, then at least, at least let us talk to him. Oh, please, please. After all, he's my brother. All right, but make it snappy. Come on, Myrna. There he is. Gee, he looks weak. His face is so pale and thin. Oh, brother, brother. Who is it? Ignats. Ignats. It's your sister, Myrna. Gee, I'm glad you folks got here. It's been terrible. What happened? What did they do to you? Well, after my plane cracked up, they grabbed me, and then they probably seated right in my solace center. It wasn't them. Oh. And they called the center, and they can't be right in my solitude, and the family seated rig was right in the solace center. Oh. Oh, it was ghastly. I can imagine. Why, the brutes, what else did they do? You haven't heard the worst. Last night they came. Yes. And they took my farmer seat right into my center. Oh. And you know that round of this? Yes. Well, the whole privacy was taken right out of the plastic bag. Oh. And the freezer feet, my hand was stolen, and the whole freezer bag. Oh. Well, did they rouse friend the jizz-jizz-jizz? They certainly did. That's a lie. You keep out of this, chief. I've had enough from you. Oh, yeah? Where do I get you in a casserole? I'm not afraid of you. Now, come on, fathead. Let's grab Myrna's brother and go. They're starting again. Stop that noise. Quiet. My people are getting ready for the dance of death. The dance of death. Listen. Full of mud. Cha-cha. The greatest compliment your dinner guest can pay you is to eat with a hearty appetite. And here's a dish they'll all enjoy right down to the last delicious spoonful. It's a brand new idea, too, a luscious combination of two jello puddings, chocolate and vanilla. Just picture to yourself bright yellow desert saucers filled with creamy swirls of rich chocolate pudding and smooth, delicate vanilla pudding, inviting and tempting to look at in a grand flavor combination, for the new jello puddings are tops in mellow goodness. The chocolate is rich and delicious. The vanilla is fresh and full-flavored, for it's made with real vanilla. And jello puddings are so quick and easy to make, you can prepare two flavors in next to no time. When you've tasted the vanilla and chocolate, you'll want to try butterscotch, too. For it has that real, old-fashioned butterscotch flavor that tastes just swell. So ask your grocer tomorrow for all three jello puddings, chocolate, vanilla, and butterscotch. We're a little over time, so good night, folks. This is courtesy of Mervyn LeRoy Productions. This is our actual broadcasting company.