 Like okay, if it works Is it working? Does it know that I'm here streaming where streaming streaming to YouTube? Yeah Can you check to see if it's uh, see if we're on there? It says that I'm live right now on YouTube you yeah dashboard. This is the first time Helena and I This is the first time. Yeah that it's let Let's do the live stream But it looks dark. I'm not seeing a picture. Do I have to click on it? Dark it is dark, isn't it? Why is it so dark? It does I can't see anything. Yeah, they can't see us see see we already have people on here telling us that they can't see us So we know that we're live Let's I'm gonna hit the broadcast thing. Maybe that'll help G can you hear us? Can you hear us? It says it says live on my computer screen, but I still can't see anything On YouTube is a problem. I don't know why it's not working. Oh They said that they can hear we can hear but no video Ah Well, let's see. Let's us see. I Don't know why it won't show the video It should it should Okay, hold on a second. Let me start over and there's people people watching it So there are there are 10 people watching right now. The lack, please Please make it live stream offline. Yeah, look at it now. They're working. It's a working It's a working. Can you see it? See it says hey, can you see us? It's just live stream Can you see us? No, I think it's I think it's online. Oh Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I see something here a computer screen. Something's happening. Yes. We're here. We're here It's not perfect. I kind of have no idea what I'm doing here, but it's somewhat somewhat here Oh So, uh, so hello, hello everyone I'm here. I'm my name is Matthew coast if you don't know who I am and I'm here with Helena Hart. Can you say hi Helena? Hey, everybody, is this the same live stream or do we start over on a new one? Is this been going the whole time the whole time? I have no idea to be quite honest. We are new Um, we are new to live-streaming and so we kind of have no idea what we're doing Hello, hello there We've got a few people on Hello So hopefully this ends up Working out better than than what we did last time Um, okay, can you is there any way you can make whatever the Google Hangouts thing is? Like the full screen because I'm looking at it and it's like half the screen and half the screen is something else. Yeah But you'll have to take care of the Like any chats and stuff or if you want to listen to what people are saying and tell me what people are saying we can You're gonna you're gonna have to look at that Look at what like are you looking at? Are you looking at the the live stream dashboard? Like on Google on Google Just in case anybody's wondering right now. This is normal with I Experience this a lot where I'm like, okay, what is it that you're seeing over there? What is it that you're doing? And then she explains to me what she's seeing and what she's doing and I'm like, okay. No, now this is what you should try and Okay, so I See a little chat box with there's four. Do you see that or is that something? I see so so right now if I change it from this screen right here like from this screen It's gonna be cut off to back to what we were looking at before, right? because I haven't been able to figure out how to get the Program to just look at this screen for some reason so it's it's capturing my entire screen So if I pull this down and look at the chats then it's gonna Make it so that we're looking at everybody's looking at the chats, right? And so When you say the chats, what are you talking about the chat? I'm talking about any other screen than this you will see that screen if I go to it. Okay, okay Okay Okay, there you are So bad, okay, okay Yes, yes, the screen that's on the screen that's on Live stream right now Okay, so Helena so Helena so we got to get serious here We got to get serious because there are Women in our community that are relying on us for quality information They've got questions. We've got answers. They want to they want help and so Let's help them out. Let's help them out. So okay typing questions Questions right now. Yeah, they can type in questions. Are you on? Again, are you on the live? I find it I found it I found it. It was just a thing called live chat that I had Okay, that's wonderful. I'm glad that you got it. Yeah Typing questions everybody and I can I can read them That'll be great. Helena can read the questions and we can talk about them. Yeah I don't know if my phone is gonna show me the Hold on Hopefully I can get there as well. Maybe I can get there on my phone. Oh I'm such a computer nerd Live chat live chat, that's what you went to right? Yeah. Yeah Potentially inappropriate stuff. I don't care about potentially inappropriate stuff. Oh, that's the settings. I wonder Hey Are you seeing any questions yet? Yes, what are your thoughts about reaching out to an ex is the first question I see okay Did you want to talk about that or do you want me to talk about that first? Do you have some I would love to hear what I would love to hear you have to say about that, okay? So X's so should you reach out to an ex? I guess it depends. Are you talking about? You're trying to get back together with an ex and you want to know if you should be the first one that initiates contact Is that what you're asking? Are you asking? Is it okay to be like friends with an ex and like reach out to an ex and talk to your ex? Yeah, give us some more give us some more details about that Yeah, some more details and while we do there's another one. I was and He dumped me because I told him He could how do I say something bothers me? I didn't hear what you said He said a guy I Was dating a guy and he dumped me because I told him he complained too much How do I say something bothers me? How does she tell a guy that something bothers her without it coming across like complaining? I think is what that that is a great question for Helena. I think she's got a Fantastic answer for you. I don't want to put too much pressure on you though, Helena, but I do know that you have a good answer How to how to so About that I was dating a guy. He dumped me because I told him he complained too much. How do I say something bothers me? Yeah, basically what she's asking is how does she? Tell a guy Something about how she feels right? Yeah, without putting him off, you know and Making him Yeah, so, you know, I always say if you can't express how something feels to you without if you can do it without even referring to his behavior at all so there's a difference between telling a guy he complains too much and Saying you know, I feel triggered when I hear a lot of complaining doesn't feel good to be around Complains or it doesn't feel good to be to you know, talk about negativity rather than telling a guy you complain too much If you it would for anything if you can keep it about yourself and your own feelings that's going to I Think Matt, what do you think? Yeah? I mean, you know if if you tell a guy that he complains too much and I'm just gonna Throw this out there If you're like, yeah, you know, you really kind of complain a lot and you tell a guy that You know, he's not gonna dump you for that Right, that's not why a guy would dump Somebody, you know, I mean like yeah, he might be annoyed by it. He might be like Yeah, yeah, I'm just trying to like get things off my chest I want somebody that I could talk to you know, or whatever whatever the guy is feeling, right? But at the same time, he's not gonna dump you for that, you know, so My guess is that there's more going on there Probably a lot more than just that going on there because there's no way that some dude is, you know Going to be like head over heels in love with some woman be like she's the one for me I'm so in love with her and then be like, you know, she comes over and she's like, hey You kind of complain a lot and you'd be like, that's it. It's over. I'm done with you You know, I mean like there's there's a probably a lot of other things going on there But yeah, I think what Helena said is really really good and keeping it about like what's going on with you and kind of your feelings It you know when when you tell a guy You complain a lot or you tell anybody you complain a lot There's a bunch of like underlying kind of communication things that are going on there And one of them is that you're like annoyed with it, right? And that to a lot of guys the way that they'll hear something like that is like, I'm trying to change you Right, which is like the biggest thing that guys don't want to hear is that a woman's trying to change them And so when you throw it at them like that, it's like, you know, the guy's like, oh, you know Like she's always nagging at me, you know, she's she's complaining about me complaining And I'm just trying to like get something off my chest. Whereas if You talk about it in terms of how you feel, you know, like when a Guy hears that you feel bad He doesn't think in his mind. She's trying to change me. He thinks in his mind. I want her to feel good, right? And so when you say something that's about your feelings Instead of making it about what he's doing or him or who he is, you know, if you call him a complainer, for instance If you talk about your feelings, he's more likely what gonna want to Change his behavior if that's your ultimate goal there then There will be if you're talking about who he is who what he's doing and With kind of this assumption that you want him to change in some way because if he feels that you're trying to make him change There's gonna be resistance, right? Whereas if he cares about you and he really does care about you and you say that you feel bad He's gonna want to make you feel good And I'm just gonna throw another little technique thing in here just because I kind of like techniques I'm Mr. Technique guy and so The the technique that I I'm gonna tell you about and maybe you've heard that I talk about this in some of my programs and It's this it's actually a frame, right? I have a program called the love frames and one of the ways that you frame things is by Talking about it in terms of how it makes you feel Right. So if if you like something, right, which is a better way to talk about things Is in terms of liking things you can also talk about things in terms of not liking things, but like if You you're better off doing it if you're gonna talk about things that you don't like you're better off doing it talking about it in terms of either other people or When it's not Right then and there right so if you if you're like really like if you hate people that complain Right a way that you could say it is is you could say oh, yeah You know there's this woman in my office and she was complaining about this the other day And and you know like or you can say there's this guy that I know that I met You know blah blah blah and he was complaining about this and it you know It just I just find it so unattractive when guys complain like that it just it's just this total turnoff for me And it just you know like I I don't know like I just don't like I if I feel like attracted to a guy and he starts complaining It's like I totally I totally lose this feeling of attraction that I have for him, right? And when you do that It's kind of like this sneaky little way of like telling somebody Like letting them know that you're not that you don't like it and When you say it about that like somebody else or some other situation and a guy hears that he's gonna be like Oh, I don't want to make her feel less attracted to me You know and it's the same way with the other thing like if you like things that guys do You know you can talk about it in terms of being attractive or unattractive like you know like oh I just love it so much when a guy, you know puts his arm around me and You know like pulls me in close and like you know It just makes me feel so So girly and it makes me feel like I'm just being protected and you know like any time you like or dislike something You can put it in terms of Attractive or unattractive Man I totally went off on a tangent there didn't I No, no, no, that was really good. I totally agree that there's something else going on It's not like you you know, there's something else going on in the dynamic So I would just break up with someone if things were perfect and going really well over something like that But I was trying to think of this thing you told me once and I I just I can't remember something about like Bad about but it was like about appreciation or gratitude or something like that like how to frame it Yeah, yeah, it's just it's very very similar. That's it's very very very similar. Um, you can do that with appreciation like In the exact same way like It can be really really powerful just I mean in any way actually saying like oh, thank you for this or like, you know like I really love it when that or Anything positive anything negative when you're framing in those sorts of ways it can be really really powerful Not even just in your romantic relationship with but with anybody So I hope we kind of answered that question. Do we answer that question? I think so what okay, so the one with the X He wrote in some more stuff. She said I haven't spoke to my ex in five months. He refused to talk to me There was no cheating just a stupid text argument our first fallout. We were together five months Can she reach out to him? All right, do you want me to answer that Elena? Is that what you're doing you're waiting for me to answer Yeah, sure, what do you what do you think I feel like I'm doing all the time You can't you can You can reach out to him But if I mean as long as you don't have this agenda, you know, I personally think The whole closure thing is a little bit overrated some people might disagree with me on that But if he isn't talking to you and he hasn't talked to you, you know, that's kind of giving me It's all the information you need right there in my opinion. I don't know the details of the situation But sure if you want to reach out you can reach out But I wouldn't do it with any sort of agenda or expectation And if you're going to be completely devastated if you don't hear back from him, then I wouldn't I Wouldn't do it What do you think? Yeah, so I kind of want to talk about Why somebody like the situations when it would be good to like talk to your ex or try to get back together with your ex or Try to create some type of even if it's a platonic relationship with your ex, you know, like Getting so breakups are really painful, you know, I get it I think everybody's gone through a break up where they've been broken up with before in their life And and it can be really really a painful thing and I think the question really is, you know, should you? talk to your ex again and It so it kind of depends, you know, like, yeah, you can you can reach out to him. Sure You know, have you done Have you done some work on yourself in the last five months? Have you Healed over the breakup, you know, have you went so when two people break up with each other, right? They've done some studies on this and and When you are in a relationship, it's almost like you kind of form this bond where two people become one, you know And and you actually feel like your identities are Connected with each other, right? And so when you break up, it kind of feels like you're actually losing a part of yourself You know, like you've actually lost this piece of you, right and so When that happens, there's like this big space that comes where you feel like there's like this emptiness You're like, I feel like I'm missing something, you know, and I want to get it back And I want in which is why a lot of people do like rebound relationships because they like You know want to get those those feelings back of being with somebody and Having that shared identity And when you go back to talk to your ex, you know, assuming that you want to get him back There's a few things that need to happen before you do that And one of the things that needs to happen Is you need to do some healing work on yourself. You need to get back to a space where you feel whole again You know, you need to Regain That part of yourself that you feel like you lost so that when you communicate with him It isn't coming from a space of neediness, right? If you come from a space of neediness He's going to feel that and he's gonna run away, right? but if you're coming from a space of wholeness and you're coming from a space of like, you know, like Like, you know, I know things didn't work out between us and I'd love to, you know, just chat with you again and You know, I've no expectations around it, but you know, you're a really cool guy and you know, like I Enjoyed the friendship that we had together You know, even if you're doing that because you're trying to get back together with them You have to come from that space Otherwise it's it's you're just gonna push them further away, right? I Was gonna say one other thing too. What was it? What was it? So there's the feeling like you're whole again Spot I you know what I lost the other They were friends first it sounds like she has done work on herself She doesn't have an agenda. What is it that you want from him? Do you want to get back together? Do you want to just be friends? To know Let us know there's a there's another question that came in you want me to read it. Yeah, go ahead Okay, let's see she says if your gut tells you that a guy likes you even if he State maybe he moved to another state was in an on and off relationship But he tells you he really likes you and wants to have babies with you Does he really? So so can you rephrase what I got lost? Her gut Her gut tells her that this guy likes her even though he's in another state or moved to another state He was in an on and off again relationship Tells you he really likes you and wants to have babies with you because he wants to know if he's really into her So so there's a guy and you think that he's into you and he's telling he lives in another state and He told you that he wants to have babies with you But he was in an on and off. He was in an on and off again relationship. It sounds like with with her or with somebody else Type in some more and let us know if we're somewhere. Yeah, you know one thing I want to say about that is So so there's this kind of confusion thing that a lot of people have a lot of women I've talked to have kind of this confusion around Around around love around feelings around desire You know a lot of guys will And I'm not sure if this is the situation or not because I don't think I fully understood what you were saying, but guys can Guys can you know be into Or date or you know even be in love with more than one person at a time and You know if a guy is into you he might be into somebody else If you know you're talking about you know is he in specifically into you He said he wants to have babies with you, but he's like in another relationship on and off like I mean They were together seven months, and he moved to another state. Oh, they were together for seven months, and he moved to another state You know, why did he move to another state like what's going on? I feel like we're missing a lot of background information here trying to talk about Yeah, it's hard. I know it's hard without the background I mean, I would say he can I mean a lot of guys talk a big game But if he's in another state and he's is he making moves to come see you is he trying to spend time with you? If he's not I you know, I don't know somebody someone else said I'm trying to keep track of all of these What if I get the feeling a guy likes me, but he's not speaking up So so you've got a shy guy is that what you're you're trying to tell me I think I think so So she's she's got a shy guy Who likes her probably But isn't speaking up so There's I always go back to these studies. I love studies. Um, so there's a study where They they go to like bars, right and they like watch people's behaviors and they like track Like how many like if if a guy like when does a guy go approach a girl? When does a guy, you know show that he's interested when does a guy do this? What is you know all these different things and and one of the things that they found is that? Guys and especially in this day and age you have to realize like right now With all the crazy stuff going on in the news all the sexual harassment stuff all the You know all the stuff where there's a lot of people that are like I don't know attacking men for like even approaching women or Showing interest in women especially in like work environments There's a lot of hesitation right now with a lot of men to do anything at all to make any moves to move forward at all and You know going back to the study one of the things that they found is that most guys like you know It's funny talking to women who are like yeah if a guy's a real man He'll just like come over and like approach me and like be a man You know and take me in his arms and you know, it's like no No No, not at all. You know, I mean and it doesn't even necessarily Matter with confidence, you know it there's so many different factors there and the biggest factor as to whether a guy will pursue a woman is Whether he thinks that she's interested to or not right if a Guy looks at you and he's like man. She's so hot I want to go and talk to her and you know start a conversation and You know, whatever if he thinks that he's gonna go over and say something to her and she's gonna be like, you know, uh-uh You know, I'm rejecting you. You know, I mean like he's probably not gonna do it You know, there's like unless he's like really really aggressive dude. He's probably not gonna say anything to you And so guys are constantly looking for little cues, right and If he is actually interested in you and you want him to Kind of a pro. I don't know what this situation is You know, if it's at work or what my my guess would be it would either be some kind of friends group or work If you're talking about a guy that you think that likes you, but he's not approaching you or he's not saying anything about it and so there's kind of this like if You don't open Kind of the door. He's not gonna walk through type of thing, especially if he's shy or introverted and so You know, the best thing that you could do is give him some signals, you know and And let him know, you know or or give him some kind give him something You know, maybe you don't even necessarily need to like, you know, let him know completely but He needs to know he needs to think at least that it's gonna go well guys like to win, right? And if he feels like he's gonna win You know, which you know, for instance, one of the things that guys will do a lot with girls on a first date is they'll Like start talking about things that they like or things that they are planning on doing in the future That they want her to go and do with them, but they won't mention that, right? They'll be like, oh, yeah You know, I really like this concert. There's this one concert coming up or like, yeah I you know go and hike every Saturday and it's so much fun You know the area I go and so is so beautiful, you know And and what they're doing is they're trying to gauge a woman's interest, right? Like is she interested in it too if I asked her to come with me Would she say yes or no, right? And if he feels like she's gonna say yes, there's a much much much higher chance that he might actually ask And if he doesn't know or feels like she might say no Then there's a much much much less likely chance that he'll say anything at all. And so You know, yeah, there's some There's a lot of timid behavior going on right now in men You know, there's a lot of feminine men out there You know, I'm not saying that this guy is one of them, but You know our our society and our culture is in a very strange place right now and You know guys are looking for Signals guys are looking for like green lights that say yes, I can do this and I'm not going to be You know fired from my job. I'm not going to You know have a glass thrown on, you know glass a drink of some sort thrown on me. I'm not going to You know have something really bad happen, you know look look a Total embarrassment to all of my friends and so they're looking for signals, you know And if they don't see them they might be interested But they might not take it any further and so, you know, depending on the guy depends on how much How how many signals he might need or how much of a green light he might need to see So it just kind of depends on him and Do you have anything else to say that Helena I'm talking a lot again. Great. No, no, it's great That was okay. It's the kind of stuff we talk about all the time. This is so fun. This is great The one with the guy that moved out of state She's he moved for the job. He had to move before we met once Then he moved Are there are there plans for you to be together in the same place at some point like is he you know? Yeah, I mean you definitely want to look at effort when if a guy's not putting effort in, you know It doesn't matter what he says You know, I mean like guys get excited about ideas, right? I get excited about ideas all the time and You know, I come up with things and I'll say it. I'll say I'll be like, yeah, you know I think I'm gonna do I'm gonna get to do this. I'm gonna do that, you know But it's like what do I actually do and what I actually do Shows you my priorities, right? And so if I'm super interested in someone and I don't Make it a priority to Create an environment or situation You know where we're connecting together or whatever it's just it's not it's not a priority You know and that goes with any kind of relationship and so You want to look at what he's doing? You know, is he and if he's not If he's not doing anything then it's either not a priority or Maybe he's not he doesn't have the desire yet or at all and Maybe he's you know, there's this thing that guys have which I think a lot of people kind of don't Talk about very often and it's this We have needs right we have needs that can get fulfilled through fantasy, right and so if I Am just talking to you Over the phone and we're just chatting, you know, I might be getting some needs fulfilled Through just that right you Know, there's there's plenty of men and women out there that try to just be pen pals You know like with online dating or something and it's because they're getting some kind of need filled through that experience that they're having without Getting really serious about it. Elena. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah I know there are couples who are married and live in different countries and the problems happen when they come back together because of some kind of like He might be saying all of this stuff because of the distance It might be easier for him to open up and say he wants to have babies with you and everything because There's maybe no risk of it actually working out. We don't know Somebody else asked how can I look for actions more than words in a long-distance relationship? Same person How can I look? How can I look for actions more than words in a long-distance relationship? I'll just do it don't invest in him based on what he's saying unless he's showing you with his actions that he wants to follow through and move things forward What do you think? Yeah, I mean it's with a long-distance relationship. You're looking at like You know You need you need to come together You know, I mean there needs to be this time when you guys are meeting up with each other, you know It pretty much it's a necessity right for the relationship to continue and for the bond to stay strong is that you guys need To get together like once a month or something at the least, you know I haven't seen relationships last long-distance that Don't get together at least once. I mean there are like, you know some military Relationships that I've I've seen have worked out but I've seen a lot of them that haven't worked out because of the lack of closeness, you know, and when person gets lonely and Things happen long distances hard long distances hard So yeah, I would Think that's the last one. Oh, let's see. Thank you very helpful. You're welcome. Yeah, so fun Yeah, so, um, how long have we been on here, I don't know All right, I think we're gonna stop this for right now Thanks everybody for your questions If you if this is your first time to our channel make sure that you hit the subscribe button to get more videos and stuff on how to have the relationship you want and if you want To have your questions answered we have Go go sign up for feminine enchantment Elena answers questions every week on Feminine enchantment. There'll be a link underneath this video and Or you can go to feminine enchantment calm Anyway, that's it. Thanks everybody for being here and thank you, Helena for being awesome and We will chat with everybody again soon Don't get soon. Okay. Bye everybody