 Hey fam happy new year and welcome to the very first video of 2024 It's been a minute since I've posted since you've seen anything from me And I wanted to give a little personal vlog style update on what's been going on in my life Bo my boyfriend and I a recent Cancer diagnosis with dookie. What kind of content you can expect from me this year and some overall goals of mine I have some saucy spicy interesting things to talk about so stay tuned. Here we go. Okay, so First up, let me apologize for being MIA for the last, you know, two months or so Frankly, I did have some burnout for various reasons. I've been overwhelmed Both with work financially then the holidays came and that's a whole whirlwind. I'm sure you guys know how that goes Regarding weekly news updates. I haven't done that in quite some time. I will be getting back into that Those aren't going anywhere. So be on the lookout for that Shooting for this week the interviews. I believe I'm sitting on like four or five completely Recorded areas. They just need to be edited and then put up I know some of you like to watch them or listen to them while you're doing your cardio So that's coming soon as well I also really want to get back into what I originally did when I started this channel and what A lot of you have come to love which is my vlog style content That's just me doing what I'm doing in like in this video talking to camera talking about myself my personal life My thoughts my feelings My fitness journey could be part of it my hiv journey And not necessarily just sitting here But sometimes like I'll do a walk and talk with the camera different locations and stuff like that So I do want to get more into vlogging honestly the biggest hurdle for me has just been The time constraints and the lack of energy just because I have so much going on All right. I just posted that I Recently hit four million views on my youtube channel. That's awesome because in 2023 I had posted that I had hit three million so Over the course of 2023 alone that one year I had 1.3 million views So that means that the amount of views that I'm getting the rate at which I'm getting views Is definitely increasing and that's always a great sign If you you know you're trying to get your youtube channel to grow and also the subscribers have been growing as well So I'm really really heartened by that. Thank you to all of you who have supported me shared my content Faithfully watched for so long and also my subscriber count in 2023 from the beginning at just over 23 000 By december 31st. I was just over 36 000. So that's you know, that's a What a more than 50 increase in my subscriber subscriber count. That's huge I'm so excited about that and where things are headed in the right direction so I wanted to talk about I don't think I've mentioned this before on any of my platforms but in 2023 I had been struggling financially In large part mostly because I had a huge hit to my income Pretty early on in the year. I had one of my annual contracts because I do a lot of like partnerships And some of them are like on an ongoing annual basis. One of them decided not to renew Okay, and then another one They wanted my they wanted me to shift my content the focus of my content in a really negative direction That is just not I mean if you know anything about me in the kind of content that I produce negative focused content is definitely Like the opposite of what I focus on so I knew that was gonna be that that was like that was really hard honestly to walk away from But it was it was the it was the choice between having this source of income that I needed and wanted or sticking with my brand and for me I'm always trying to think about the long term investing in myself and my brand and in you guys and also like maintaining a certain level of trust and integrity and responsibility in my content because You know the day that I just start doing things for a paycheck is the day that I'm no longer doing the content I initially set out to do So it was a pretty hard decision for me, but and my agent supported me, but I had to let that go so that was too major sources of income that just Over the court it was the same weekend too in the same weekend gone and then I was left with Less than half Of my income from the previous year So I mean if you can imagine your income More than half of it going away in the course of a weekend That was very challenging for me so I You know I've been trying to spend the the better part of the year trying to you know get my financial house in order And stuff like that not an easy feat and it was also the main trigger for why I And bow decided that we should move we both felt it was in the interest of each other That we look for a place that's cheaper And but still nice Still living in downtown l.a. So we found a spot in downtown l.a quite a bit cheaper In a smaller apartment community And so back in november we made we made the final decision to move So we moved out of our recent place that I showed you in the video I haven't done a tour of this place or shown you much of it, but i'm so happy that we did It was it's absolutely helped financially and on top of that We gained like 200 square feet of space and then I think more importantly the the people that live here and the management like they are like It's night and day between where we were living before and where we are now They're so communicative and they're so nice and they're so warm and kind and welcoming and the tenants are great too I was shocked on the day that we moved in because Every time we got in the elevator because you need your little key to like choose the floor um Every time we got in the elevator the resident would would be like oh what floor are you on and they would like get it for us And I was like wow like At my old place. I can't imagine people going out of their way to a talk to you and b um do something like thoughtful that wasn't just like completely selfish um Because that was just the vibe at the old place. It was really nice place But everyone was just so into themselves and so it's nice to just Be in a place that feels a little more down to earth and that was the other thing Yes, I had that huge hit to my pay and that was a reason to move But the other kind of like background Motivation for wanting to to kind of reign in our finances a bit is because bow and I both feel like We have the feeling that our country the u.s. Is headed for some Challenging times whether that's a recession a depression Whatever, um, it seems there's like there's a lot of Cracks in the foundation of our economy and although all the headlines say everything is great unemployment is at an all time low Blah blah blah like actually hearing real people and how they're doing day by day today and struggling with inflation and And housing and rent and all these things it just doesn't add up So I think it's better to just play it safe and just be really cautious with our spend So super happy here. I should do a little Walkthrough of the apartment or something in one of my upcoming blogs since that's what i'm going to be Doing more of this year. Okay. So my big goal for 2024 is to go full time in content creation right now I do have a survival job. I'm working with my parents at their manufacturing company They scooped me up during the pandemic when the restaurant that I was bartending at went under But now it's time for me to kind of move forward with my career and things are kind of building I mean I say that after I told you that I lost more than half my income but When I say things are building, I mean like the connections the opportunities Like I've said the view count and the subscriber growth and all these things So things are happening. It may it may not be like Manifesting in the form of a check in the form of money in my bank account yet But I can feel it and there's some opportunities possibly coming up knock on wood I don't want to jinx anything that I'm hopeful about for this year So my goal is by july 2024 that I'm able to segue out of my parents business And commit full time to content creation and that is great for several reasons For first of all, it will help me free up so much time I mean It's a 40 hour a week job that I do with my parents to have that back And to be able to focus that time and energy on content creation is massive because right now it's just a matter of Okay, I work Monday through Friday eight hour days Normal kind of work schedule and then I have the weekends And nights to kind of figure out everything else And I've been working on my fitness journey as you know And that's like two hours committed to the gym And so if you throw that in every night two hours two hours towers And then just regular errands and just like normal shit that you have to get done. I mean, you all know this um, and then try to also Film edit record research and do all that stuff. It doesn't leave like any time for Being um, mentally healthy emotionally healthy. I'm in a relationship You know giving time and energy to that that can cause some strain Just that I'm always like either at work. I'm sitting in this office. I'm on my computer whatnot, so it'll be really nice to kind of at least attempt to carve out some boundaries as far as like when I'm going to work and when I'm going to dedicate time to You know myself and spending time with bow and duke and all that here's to That big goal in 2024. My weight loss journey is still a journey. I'm still mid Stride here But I can definitely see that there has been an improvement in 2023 for those of you who have been watching my Content, especially on instagram. I've been posting pictures of the zozo fit That is this like it almost looks like a onesie leotard. Is it two pieces? It's a shirt and pants It's skin tight and it's got all these like dots on it Dot matrix of sorts and then I stand in front of the camera and then I rotate and the my iPhone camera will take pictures at each rotation and it puts it all together and it creates this 3d image of my body And so I've been doing like comparisons of you know every few months or so Of the 3d image and you can you can definitely see that my body is changing in the right way But when I step on the scale Um, I'm still in the 190s. It's been that way for a year and that's it's crazy I mean, I know this on an intellectual level I get what's going on because I'm losing fat But it's also being replaced by by muscle and muscle is more dense. So you don't need as much muscle To weigh the same as a volume of fat So I I'm getting smaller in certain areas and my muscles are getting bigger But my weight's staying the same. It's hard to wrap my my mind around that even though I understand it Um, but that's why I always say, you know, you can't If you're trying to lose weight or you're trying to Lean up or you're trying to put on muscle You can't just look at the scale and say look, I'm you know, I'm cutting right now So but the scale is not moving and then allow yourself to get Discouraged by the fact that the the number on the scale isn't going down the way you think it is because just because That's not happening doesn't mean that there are real changes happening in your body So just like me like there are things that I can See and then when I'm doubting myself I can kind of go. Oh, no, no, no That's like for sure like I'm starting to see some vascularity pop up Meaning I'm starting to see the veins in my arms Starting to peek through the skin and get more pronounced and all of a sudden new veins that I hadn't seen Since pre-pandemic are starting to pop up again That only happens when the fat underneath your skin gets Thin enough that the the vein can finally start to push through so I know I'm losing fat And then also the obvious stuff like putting a belt on like I'm able to put it on tighter belt loops And my clothes are fitting and they're they're a little more like loose In some areas and stuff like that. So it's good progress, but like I said before I'm taking it slow I'm not like putting too much pressure on myself just because I have so many other things going on at the same time I don't want to overwhelm myself or make myself crash Or like what tends to happen is if I go too hard Then I'll I'll swing the other way violently and just in like this rebellious streak and just I would end up just like binge eating and not working out at all because It was just too much all at once. So I'm going very slow gradual increase and gradually increasing the intensity of my workouts and gradually Reigning in my eating to make make sure it's more healthy just very slowly over time so that it's kind of a pleasant experience But it's definitely my goal to get into competing again. I'm thinking probably sometime in 2025 I'll really start thinking about competing again on a professional level Same federation that I did last time when I was in Muscle Beach Venice, California And see where that goes. Hopefully yeah, especially if I'm going full time at that point and I can Really, I mean the thing I'm really looking forward to about going full time. This is kind of a tangent. Sorry is that I can Do what I want when I want. What do I mean by that? I mean, I don't have to worry about like requesting time off Am I able to go to this conference that's really important? Well, I need time up. Oh, I don't have pay time off available So then there's this friction at work and then I have to make sure that someone can cover me and All of that. I just want to be able to say this is my job. This is my career I'm going to this conference. I am going to prepare for this competition I'm going to go I'm going to do it and it's all my decision. I'm in control. Anyway back to Fitness, okay, so I'm going to compete. Yes, that's great. Everything's on track. I will I that reminds me I got a post a new zozo fit update. So I'll do that if you follow me on instagram You'll see that soon and then I also want to do a more in-depth Vlog style kind of showing you how I do the photo Set it up with the zozo fit camera on the tripod go through that whole thing Maybe show you a little bit of the app not because I'm sponsored. They're not paying me a dime But just because I really like it and I think it's really it's kind of simple tech But it's really cool and helpful on to the next About two or three years ago. I was on social media and I saw that a friend of mine had posted that her cat Had been diagnosed with cancer I don't know if the cat had had surgery or what but They were at the point where the cat needed. I don't know if it was radiation therapy or chemotherapy But it was very expensive. It was like 30,000 dollars and they did not have insurance They didn't have any way to pay for it. So they were desperately asking people online They were crowdsourcing crowdfunding to try to get This treatment for their cat and it's my friend and her sister And I know they were completely devastated by that Completely emotionally traumatized. It was like part of their family, you know I don't think that it was successful and I just remember over weeks seeing them like asking repeatedly and You know trying to share the story about what was going on and it really impacted me And when I was thinking about my little dookie boy, huh, baby? Um, I just thought if that ever happened to me I would be I would be devastated. I would be destroyed inside And so I thought let me look into health insurance for duke and see what's out there and how much it costs and you know really consider it because god forbid i'm ever in the position where Something major like that happens and I can't afford it and I have to like make a decision based on You know money and not like what's best for dukey So I looked and I ended up finding this really really great insurance policy The deductible was $250 and that would cover the whole year And then the insurance would cover 90 percent nine zero percent So I would only be out of pocket for 10 percent amazing So for example in this like 30,000 dollar Treatment if that were the case with duke, I would be out of pocket $3,225 That's it's a lot of money still don't get me wrong but it's small enough that I can Make a level-headed decision based on what's best for dukey rather than going well Guess there's nothing I can do gotta let it go. You know what I mean? And the policy was $140 a month not cheap by any stretch of the imagination And there were times even in the last year where I was like especially after What happened with my income where I'm like do I need to keep paying this like what? I could put that money in a savings account and save it and then Have that for duke, but then I'm like, okay But rave are you really going to be that discipline to do that all the time and never touch it? And always put that money in there no matter what Um, and I wasn't I was kind of hesitant about that especially when I'm struggling financially So I'm like if I can just continue to make this payment It's in his best interest and anything could happen at any time But there I definitely had the doubts and I definitely had those days where I was like Maybe I should just cancel it like maybe I'm going overboard. Well, guess what? Two weeks ago I took Bo and I took duke to a new vet called modern animal and Met the new vets. They were super sweet and super kind They really spent a lot of time with us, which was really great and I had noticed in the past I want to say year probably some bumps on his body now. I know dogs get these like fatty masses on their body sometimes And um, they can be benign or it could be something cancerous So I was just taking note of that and I was really honestly in the back of my mind kind of worried about it a lot so I was really wanting to get into this appointment and the first Two I was able to find and then they checked it and the doctor was about to leave Then I was like, I know there's another one, but I can't find it right now I don't I don't know why and then like five minutes later. I was petting duke while One of the assistants was helping with something And then I found it and I was like, oh, yeah, it's right here And so I brought the vet back in and she checked it and she's She kind of got a little quiet and she said, hmm This one's like the other two masses were kind of like soft and malleable and this one's was firm And I told her that at some point, you know, it had been bugging duke and he was Like licking almost like biting at it and it was bleeding and stuff then she was like, okay, then she got really concerned because um, that's often a sign of A mass cell tumor And so they took a needle to each of those lumps to like check it Put it on like a glass slide and look under a microscope And the first two were fatty So nothing to really worry about there at this point And then the third one they She was like, yeah, that's I think it's a mass cell tumor And she said I think we should send it out to have it to have confirmatory testing Um to confirm that that's that's what it is and I was talking to her and she was explaining things to us and out of nowhere The waterworks just happened. I just just tears started streaming down my face I had this like, um I just had this like, I don't know like built up anxiety and fear about That being the case I was so worried about it And then to hear her say that that's what it was was like Uh, it was like I was really I was upset But then I was also like so glad that I brought duke in and I'm like just praying that you know Um, it's something that we can treat and take care of and then it's not going to be something Really crazy or advanced or aggressive or whatnot So she was really sweet. She gave me a hug several hugs Since I couldn't stop I wasn't sobbing like I was just talking like this but the tears just kept coming Then she said what we should do is set him up for staging, which is where they You know really go through A little bit more in detail with x-rays and ultrasound to see if there's any else That it may look concerning or not normal Before he goes in for surgery and we set that surgery date immediately like the first available date Locked it in in january So we can get that on that as soon as possible. Well, he went in for staging last week Had his x-rays ultrasound and everything looks good kidney liver His intestines They didn't notice anything abnormal except there was one thing that she was kind of concerned about which was his heart size It seemed a little enlarged But she said that might be because of the way he was positioned He was like in a sling and kind of like stretched out back So it might have kind of like from this one particular angle made it look enlarged even though it's not She was worried that maybe he was on a grain-free diet and I checked and it's grain inclusive So she's like, okay now i'm like really now i'm really reassured and not not worried about it So the next step is he's going to go in for surgery on tuesday And They're going to remove The two fatty masses Just to be safe like might as well do it all in one treatment And then they're also going to remove the tumor and she said they have to remove I think Is two centimeters To I think two centimeters around it because those Tumors tend to have like little tendrils that you can't see that are growing outward in the skin So if you don't get enough of a margin around the tumor There could be some left and then you could have regrowth happening there It's in the back of his left leg right by his But so they're going to take that out and then send it in for biopsy to see how aggressive it is So it could be grade one two or three One is relatively benign high survivability rate And then grade three is very aggressive and that's like A pretty low survivability rate She seems pretty hopeful that it's going to be grade one or grade two Especially after the x-ray and ultrasound But obviously we won't know until we know so Fingers crossed I appreciate any good good will good energy For dukey not just for that but also that you know, he comes out of it and He's in his bed looking at me every time I say his name Just so that he you know, isn't totally miserable after I did buy him one of those donuts So that he doesn't have that rigid cone. I know he's going to hate it anyway, but It is what it is. I'll update you on you know, how Duke surgery goes And then the biopsy you know that I just remember That day when I got the diagnosis of his tumor thinking. Oh my god, like I am so So glad I'm so thankful to the universe to myself For keeping that policy that insurance policy Holy shit Like I would be so incredibly stressed out already Based on how much money it would cost me already Just for what we did on that initial visit And then on the x-rays and the ultrasound for him And then also now that there's going to be the surgery and the biopsy and who knows if there's anything else after that It would be completely Soul-crushingly overwhelming right now financially if I didn't have that insurance So I'm very grateful for that now. I'm done with that traumatizing update now for something completely opposite of that Those of you who have been watching my content for years know that everyone's know. I like to do a little Some-something little procedure or something to spruce up the old mug It's fun to me. I like it. I enjoy it It's not something to overthink Or read into too much. I love myself Yolo, you only live once you're only you only get to exist once and If this is something that I enjoy doing it's it's It makes me feel good Then why not and I don't really care like if people think that I'm vain or Insecure or what how I don't that has no bearing on my life and my experience of life So I enjoy doing it. I can so I will Anyway, so last year in 2023 Someone reached out to me on instagram From the hair center of turkey And invited me to come in for a hair transplant I was like, oh my god amazing How nice of them to reach out to me and offer me Wait someone Someone was on instagram and saw me and was like I can fix that So I'm like am I is this is this a compliment or what's happening? But look, I appreciate the gesture. It's very nice Um, I know I have a five head All my life I've had a five head as a kid. I was made fun of for it now It's like I don't really care that much. It's distinguished. Okay It means I have a big brain. I have a big cranial space in my in my skull for a big brain Um, and then some of you who haven't seen my hair back are like, what are you talking about? You don't have a five head, but look if I have my hair back You can really see especially when I get my hair cut short It's like really obvious and this isn't like I don't have a receding hairline. It's always Um, it's always been like that since I was a kid and it's just genetic It's it's always been that way. So I've come to accept it. It's not a big deal Sometimes I have thought about I wonder what it would look like if my like hairline was lower Not here But lower than it is Um, that might be like that might look nice. I might be interested in in a hair transplant for that One day, but it wasn't something it was a it wasn't a priority I wasn't really focused on it But then when someone reached out and said hey, we want it We would like we would love for you to come We'll invite you and take care of you and get this procedure. I was like hell. Yes sign me up So it is on it's been in motion for like I've want to say six to nine months. I got a ticket That's the only thing I had to pay for was to go out there fly out there They're gonna pick me up from the airport house me Well, I shouldn't say house me that sounds like they're putting me in some like house. They're not They're gonna take care of my accommodations And then they'll do the surgery and all of that and they're also gonna take me out into Istanbul it's in Turkey And go sightseeing grab some amazing food hang out with them chat get to know them So I'm really looking forward to that and obviously I'm gonna be vlogging all of it for you So you can come along this journey with me. I'm really excited, but I'm also Really nervous because There's just so many things going on. I'm going to another country. I've never been to before For this random company that reach. I mean, they're not totally random They have a legit like major following and tons and tons and tons of really good reviews But I mean just you know in my head in the in the space of doubt. It's like random country random company getting a hair procedure But like what is happening? But hey YOLO, right? um I try to say yes to things when I can and it usually leads to really cool experiences And opens up a lot of doors that I wasn't expecting. That's how I got here With you on youtube in the first place is by saying yes to things and not being scared So that's what I'm gonna do. I will keep you posted on that as well. That's happening I'm flying out on february 5th so Godspeed to me think of me on february 5th as I'm traveling across the the world To change my five head into not a two head just a four head Just want four head Okay, and last but not least you guys have been so patient with me on this. I know this is running long This year. I have an opportunity At the international AIDS conference, which happens every year in a different city around the world This year, it's going to be july 20th to july 26th in munich, germany I've been asked to moderate a panel of I believe scientists to talk about HIV cure research. How cool is that? As some of you know, I'm the co-chair for the HOPE Collaboratory here in the us Which focuses on HIV cure research. It's it's funded by the NIH here And so I've I've had I've been doing a lot in that field and I love it. It's so exciting It's there's so much groundbreaking research So I love dabbling in that and learning about the science of that and sharing that with you And so now they're asking me to come to this conference to moderate the panel I'm really looking forward to that and while I'm there I'm also going to be participating with the HOPE Collaboratory They're also going and we're setting up in the global village and the global village is this free open to the public space in the convention center Where there's tons of booths and little zones and there's a stage and they have all this content that's really focused on community And so we're going to set up a booth or a zone or something. Actually, let me rephrase that we are applying To to get a booth or a zone whether we actually get approved is up in the air at this point Also send us good energy for that because that would be a really great experience for us to be able to to be there Have a zone and then really engage with community members educate them about HIV cure research And HIV in general and then I would also love to host some interviews there Maybe have some like guests and do some panels and things like that So and that's obviously stuff that I would share with all of you guys. So look out for that I know that was a lot. Thank you all so much for being patient with me these last couple months I haven't had a lot of content coming out I'm really excited for this year. Happy new year I hope you all have your goals and are really just as excited as I am for all the opportunities That are just to await us around the corner. We never know what's going to happen, right? All right Like this video if you liked it subscribe if you haven't already hit that bell So you get a notification every time a new video comes out and please Continue to share this with anyone who might find value in this content Those are as always the best ways that you can support me and my channel until next time. Cheers