 When the narcissist realizes they messed up when they realize that they didn't treat you right When they realize that they made the wrong decision by leaving you it's a nice idea To think that the narcissist will one day realize that they messed up But in most situations this will never happen. They're never going to come to that conclusion They're never going to realize that they messed up The narcissist has to see you in a certain way in order to function When they first met you they idealized you In that moment you were perfect They had to see you that way In order to obtain their supply if they saw you as anything less than perfect You wouldn't have been good supply So in that moment You had to be everything they wanted you to be You couldn't be anything less than perfect Because then that wouldn't feel of them of course no one is really perfect We all make faults and mistakes We all have flaws and imperfections But the narcissist denies reality They exist in this fantasy world Where everything is either good or bad perfect go flawed Which includes themselves? This is the failure in their thinking They cannot bring together the positive and negative qualities of themselves or other people Into a realistic whole It's a defense mechanism Against how they really feel about themselves Deep down they feel completely worthless and insignificant But they created a false self Who is everything they wish they were They created this false character who is perfect in their minds and This is just a compensate for how they really feel about themselves Whenever they are around people They will project their positive or negative qualities onto them They can never interact with a separate individual person You can only ever be an extension of them and when they first met you They saw you as an extension of their false self In that moment you are perfect, but they cannot do this for long periods of time They will eventually start comparing themselves to you they will start competing with you Because they start observing how you do certain things Or they become aware of your qualities abilities or achievements And then it makes them feel inferior to you They have a black and white mentality in their world. You are either all good or all bad So when they start comparing themselves to you it makes them feel inadequate It makes them feel completely worthless They are constantly fighting against This distorted idealistic image of you in their minds Which is why they become so bitter and resentful towards you Which is why they hold grudges against you Because this ideal image of you is making them feel inferior to you That's what they're comparing themselves to and it's something they can never live up to Because in reality No one can be perfect But their disorder is designed to block them from seeing this They created their false self Because they couldn't accept being anything less than perfect And when they first meet a target They have to see them as being perfect They have to see things in this way In order to function Even when they're devaluing you once they start comparing themselves to you They have to compete with you they're fighting against these thoughts in their minds Of how they really feel about themselves They're shame-based They will do whatever they can to avoid reflecting on their shame It's too painful for them to deal with Which is why in most situations They're never going to realize they messed up There might be small windows where that idea does surface in their minds But they're not going to entertain that over a long period of time They're not going to accept that they were the cause of the problem They're never going to see it that way For them to function They have to continue seeing you as the problem They have to see it as though you're weird or crazy Or as though there's something wrong with you because if they don't It's just going to trigger them to look themselves They're going to experience shame and it's just so painful for them to deal with That it comes out in aggression It results in them taking it out on you or someone else They refuse to self-reflect or look within And even if the narcissist did come to you and say they messed up They don't really believe that It's just a part of their manipulation Their disorder is designed for them to survive It's designed to get them what they need So when they need supply from you They will feel compelled to say or do whatever they think will get you back They will give you fake apologies fake epiphanies. They will future fake But they're not serious about any of that The only thing they care about is supply It doesn't matter what the narcissist says to you or does for you. It's not because they care about you It's not because they've realized they've messed up That's still a part of them in a relation It's designed to fool you When they hover you it's just because they've re-idealized you They see you as being perfect again Because they need supply But then never go to entertain the idea that they messed up over a long period of time There might be small windows where they experienced this But they quickly push it away They don't reflect on it They make up excuses or justifications for their actions Or they blame it on someone else They're never going to sit down And think that maybe they shouldn't have done that They're just going to see it as though they were just reacting to something you did But it wasn't that bad If it was bad you deserved it There's always some excuse They always have some way to justify it They feel entitled to do whatever they want Because in their minds their false self is so desirable and attractive So special and important That it deserves a certain level of treatment And it shouldn't be restricted by the morals or rules that everyone else has to follow In their minds they're above that And they can do whatever they want They have to see themselves in this way in order to function If they didn't look at themselves in this way They wouldn't be narcissists But then they can't deal with a pain and shame They don't want to self reflect or look within They'd rather just project everything outwards At least then they don't have to deal with it They were taught from a young age That they don't have to be held accountable for their actions Or maybe they weren't allowed to make mistakes in their childhood Either way This led to them creating a false self who can't do anything wrong This character who was perfect They're never going to realise that they messed up They're never going to look at it that way Even if they did the same thing as you They would look at it as though it was okay for them to do it They have an exaggerated sense of their own abilities and importance Which makes them feel inherently deserving of privileges and treatment It makes them feel like they should be able to do whatever they want And not be held accountable for it And that is why they're just never going to see it that way They're never going to look at it as though they messed up Thank you for watching I hope this video resonated with you Please like, comment, share and subscribe If you would like to donate My PayPal link is in the video description CoachingInquires You can email me at coachingatnarksurvivor.uk Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon