 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. Feeling low, feeling tense, these eight words are common sense. Small or level best, that's just how you'll feel when you light up a lucky. You see, lucky's fine tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms you down when you're tense. Put you on the right level to feel and do your level best. It's important to know that fine tobacco can do this for you, and L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, smooth, mild, thoroughly enjoyable tobacco. So next time you buy cigarettes, remember, lucky's fine tobacco puts you on the lucky level where you feel and do your level best, where things seem right and are right because you feel right. Yes, smoke a lucky to feel your level best. Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, for years, millions of people have heard Jack Benny on the radio. Last Tuesday night, our star made his debut on television here on the West Coast, and the reaction to Jack's first television appearance was electrifying. One man prominent in the entertainment world is Mr. Bertrand Scott, who said... I think Jack Benny going on television is going to be a wonderful thing for our industry. And what is your occupation? I'm a theater manager. Thank you, Bertrand Scott. And now, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, we bring you Jack Benny. Thank you. Thank you, Bob. Hello again. This is Jack Benny talking. And, Don, without trying to sound hammy, I want to say that my first show was a success. I know it was. Jack, it was wonderful. Did you see it? Oh, yes, Jack. I invited 25 guests over to watch you on my television set, and I thought you were terrific. Well, thank you. What did all your guests think of the program? They didn't see it. They were sitting behind me. I bought a television set just so I could see your show last Tuesday. Oh, that's nice, Mary. How'd you like it? Well, I don't think they got it installed right. I kept getting three stations at the same time. Well, gee, didn't you see me at all? Yes, but all night long, you kept fighting with hop along Cassidy to see who would marry gorgeous George. Oh, I get it, wrestling. Gee, that's a shame, Mary. And everybody was so good on that show. Oh, Jack, there was one thing I noticed on that show. You look so much taller than usual. Well, actually, I was a little taller, Don. Oh, were you wearing elevator shoes? No, he was so busy he couldn't get to the bank to make a deposit. Make a deposit. Make a deposit. Some joke. You know, Mr. Benny, my whole family watched you on television Tuesday night. Oh, did they, Dennis? What did they think about? Well, my mother said if you're really 39, our television set has a wrinkle screen. Your mother. Your mother. She doesn't know anything. That's a fine way to talk about a poor woman who's in the hospital with 72 stitches in her hand. Oh, I'm sorry, Dennis. That's a shame. How'd your mother happen to cut her hand? When you came on, she took a swing at the screen. Certainly glad I went out of here. Well, look, Dennis, I don't care what your mother thinks. Everybody else. Hey, look, Jackson, don't let them kid you. I saw you on television. You're pretty good. Thanks, Phil. By the way, how did you like the ending when I played my violin? I didn't see that part. Just you picked up your fiddle. A bartender turned off the set. Oh, so you, uh, you were in a bar? No, it was Tuesday. That's the night the bartender comes to my house. Oh, fine. Phil, I never saw a guy like you. If it isn't drinking, it's pool. If it isn't pool, it's horse racing. If it isn't horse racing... Wait a minute, Dad. Don't blow your artificial top. You know, you went to the races yourself, Saturday. I know. Well, by the way, Jack, I meant to ask you, uh, how'd you make out at Santa Anita? Never mind, Don. Now, let's forget it. Let's get out with the show. Now, for heaven's sake, Jack, are you still upset about losing? Mary, I'm not upset, and I never was upset over losing. Oh, you weren't, eh? Don, you should have seen the way Jack moped all the way home from Santa Anita. Really, Mary? What happened? Oh. Well, Jack won on the sixth race, but he lost it all back and little more in the last two. When the races were over, Jack, Dennis, and I were riding home in Jack's car. We rode for about 15 minutes in silence. It's fun going to the races once in a while. Yeah. I had a wonderful time. How much did you lose, Mr. Benny? Only $4.75. It was nothing, really. Well, Jack, I'm glad to see you taking it like a good sport. Of course, Mary. What's $4.75? It's just the deposits on 237 Coca-Cola bottles. That's all. How'd you make our Dennis? I won $8. Oh. You won, eh? Well, I only lost $4.75. Did you win, Mary? No, I lost $12.00. Good, good. I mean, that's too bad. That's too bad. Jack, I think you really are mad because you lost. Don't be silly, Mary. It doesn't bother me at all. You know, I feel about money. Hey, you know, easy come, easy go. Let's forget it. Rochester, did you lose much? No, boss. I won $29.00. Look, Rochester, you have no business betting on the races because you can't afford to lose. But, boss, I told you I won. I won. All right, all right. Just watch your driving. That's what you're here for. Look, Jack, if losing bothers you so much, we won't discuss the races anymore. Mary, I had completely forgotten about losing that $4.75 who you brought it up. Now, let's change the subject. The only thing on my mind now is that I want to get home for dinner by 6 o'clock. What time is it now? 4.75. I mean, look, once and for all, let's forget about the whole thing. What was that? The exhaust pipe dropped off the car. You know, Jack, Ronald Colm was sure mad at you for touting him onto the wrong horse. He wasn't mad, Mary. It was Benita who slugged me. Anyway, I tried to help him all I could. What was that? The generator dropped off. Even sake, first the exhaust pipe drops off, then the generator. I don't see how this car keeps going. It's a Maxwell that's good to the last drop. But you know, boss, I think this car needs a check-up. Well, perhaps it could use some oil. Why don't you give it some serratin that's old enough? All right, don't you remember we tried that once, and Maxwell spelled backwards means nothing. Now, let's drive right on home and step on it, will you? Gee, we sure must be going fast. The foxtail just blew off the radiator cap. Lucky I caught it. That's not a foxtail and put it back on my head. Oh, Rochester. Rochester, there's a man standing there motioning for us to stop. Pull over to the curb. Okay. Yes? Mr. Do you know how to get to the public library? No. No, I don't. Well, you go back two blocks, time left, and you can't miss it. Turn around, Rochester. What? The library? That's the silliest thing I've ever heard. Come on, let's get going. Gee, I'm getting kind of thirsty. Well, if you're thirsty, Jack, there's an orange juice stand right up ahead. Oh, yeah, look at that sign. All the orange juice you can drink for 10 cents. The belly's stepped on the brakes. Of course, I'm thirsty. Say, Jack, I... Yeah. Hey, Phil! Live behind, Jackson. Hey, Phil, this is really a surprise, seeing you drink orange juice. How come? Well, I've been living in California 15 years, and I thought it's about time I found out what the stuff tastes like. For nothing proof, it ain't bad. Well, you ought to know. Say, Phil, how'd you make out at the races today? Great, kid. I won 90 bucks. I won 90 bucks. I won 90 bucks. Big show off. What's eating him? What's wrong with my winning 90 bucks? I think it's a dirty trick. It puts Alice in a higher bracket. Jack's upset because he lost 4.75. He even got mad at the horse. I was not mad at the horse. Then why did you shove your hand down his throat to get your lump of sugar back? Oh, stop. Now, look, kids, I don't want to hear any more about my losing money. It isn't such a terrible thing. Oh, Jack! Jack! Hey, Don! Hey, Don, what are you doing out this way? Well, it's such a nice day. I thought I'd take the sportsman Quartet out for a ride. Take the Quartet for a ride? Where's your car? No car. Piggyback. Oh, yes. Yes. Certainly, the tenor's sitting on the rumble seat. Hello, fellas. Say, Don, have you and the boys thought about a commercial for Sunday? Well, no, we haven't, Jack, but we'll work out as soon as we get home. Well, say, Mr. Benny, since it's so close to St. Patrick's Day, I've got a song we can all sing. Really? What is it, Dennis? Clancy, Lord the Boomer. Oh, that'll be swell all of us, huh? Oh, you start it off, Dennis. Go ahead. Okay. Now, Clancy was a peaceful man, if you know what I mean. The cops picked up the pieces after Clancy left the scene. He never looked for trouble. That's a fact you can assume. But nevertheless, when trouble would press, Clancy lowered the boom. Oh, that Clancy! Whenever they got his eye reached up, Clancy lowered the boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Now, Mr. Benny's very good at telling jokes and such. In fact, he's good at everything, except perhaps a touch. One day I asked to borrow tent, was then I sealed my doom. I reached for the cash, then quick as a flash, Benny lowered the boom. If ever you look in his pocketbook, then he will lower the boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Now, they can kid him all they please by saying that he's tight. But they should see him when he buys his dinner every night. He gives the girl a dollar, though you may think it's strange. Although the check is 95, he tells her to keep the change. Oh, that Benny! If ever he spends a buck and a half, we'll know we're in for a boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I went to Jackson Benny's house and walked right through the door. What's that effect? And there at my feet, a dollar bill was lying on the floor. I looked around, but couldn't see nobody in a room. So trusted my luck, I reached for the buckets of one Lord of all. I ran to the middle of some poor fiddle and called it loving. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Now, when you want a cigarette, here's something I suggest. What is this? Why don't you lie to Lucky Strike and feel your level best? They're made of fine and light tobacco that you will agree. And I will. So listen to Jack and buy a pack of LSMFP. Oh, the luck piece, oh, the luck piece. We're sure to like a lucky strike. It'll chase away your gloom, gloom, gloom, gloom, gloom, gloom, gloom, gloom, gloom. Sure, and Clancy smokes them, too. And that's why he's so round, so firm, and always feels his level best. I shouldn't be got it. That was cute. Me old mother used to sing that to me. Talk ya. I love those special lyrics. Now come on, kids. Hey, kids, let's have some orange juice. I gotta run along, Jackson. See ya later. Okay. Hey, Phil, wait a minute. Say, Mary, watch me catch him this time. Oh, Phil. Yeah, Jackson? Uh, do you know how to get to the public library? Sure, you go back two blocks, turn left, and you can't miss it. I ran into the same guy. Oh. And next week I'm going up the high seas and hunt bears. Do you want to play some more? Oh, no, go on home. Go on home. We're getting close to home, kids. And I'm really tired. What's wrong? I think we're running out of gas. You think we're running out of gas? What does the gauge say? Put something in the pot, boy. Oh, look, there's a gas station, so pull in. Rochester honked the horn so the attendant forgets. So I didn't know you worked in a gas station. Well, it belongs to my brother-in-law. I'm only helping out. Oh, do you like this type of work? Sometimes you meet such silly people. You do? Yes. This morning a fellow drove in with a brand new Cadillac, and he said, fill her up. Uh-huh. So I put in 582 gallons. 582 gallons? Oh, I could have put in even more, but one window was open a little. Mr. Kitzel, you're joking. Yes. I'm madly being... Also, Mr. Kitzel, how about the gas? It's going in now. Good, good. Oh, Mr. Bene, while you're here, how is your brother-in-law's job? You know, I'll check your differential, your universal joints, spring shackles, wheel bearings, and your axle bolts. Well, Mr. Kitzel, how did you learn so much about what's under a car? From trying to cross Hollywood Boulevard. Maybe it's better if I don't grease your car. I always have trouble with the hydraulic lift. You do? Yeah. First, it lifts the car too high, and I can't reach it. So I push the button, and then it goes too low, and I almost break my back. Then it goes too high, then it goes too low, but I finally found a way to make it just right. What do you do? I like to look here to find my best level. Well, that'll do it. Say, how much do I owe you for the gas, Mr. Kitzel? $4.75. Well, here you are. Come on, Rochester. We'll drop Miss Livingston and Dennis Day off, and then get me home. I'm so tired, I want to go to bed. Oh, it's nice being home, and it'll feel good to get undressed. Gosh, what a relief to get this high-starch collar off. I only wore it one day and almost drove me nuts. I wonder how Hoover stood it all the other day. Off with my sweater, off with my shirt. Gosh, when I tell people I used to be a lifeguard, they laugh at me. Just look at those muscles. Look at those muscles. How they bulge. Hard as rocks. I got to stop wearing them in the shower. The buckles are getting rusty. I feel good to get my shoes off. Aren't the tracks sure tires you out, then? It burns me up the way everybody thinks I'm mad, because I lost $4.75. $4.75. I'll make that up in no time. One guest appearance with Bob Hope, and I'm all set. See, it's good to get in bed. Yes, sir. I'm tired. I'm tired. What a day. There's nothing I like. Make a good night's rest. $4.75. $4.75. $4.75. $4.75. $4.75. $4.75. $4.75. $4.75. Gosh, what a crowd at the track. Oh, mister. Mister, would you like to buy a program? A program? Yes, how much is it? $4.75. Oh, is that all? Here you are. Here's a dollar tip. Gee. Is the next race about to start? No, it don't start for 20 minutes yet. What are the people cheering about? They saw you give me that tip. I got a win today. I got a win today. The horses are coming out on the track for the next race. Johnny Lunden looks nervous on autographed. Eddie R. Carroll looks anxious on triplicate. Ralph Neves looks calm on Hedgewood. Jack Benny looks beautiful on television. Gee, I do, don't I? Gee, I got a win today. I got a win today. Hey, bud. Bud. Huh? Come here a minute. Who are you betting on? Hedgewood. Uh-uh. Bet on orange juice. Orange juice? Look at the odds. All you can drink for 10 cents. Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. You're Mary Livingston. What are you trying to do? Just a minute, bud. Leave her alone. Who are you? I'm her sister, babe. You're prettier than your pictures. You're confused, old boy. I'm Ronald Coleman. Well, if you're Ronald Coleman, where's your mustache? Washington took it. Income tax, you know. Oh, yes, yes. I got a win today. I got a win today. I know what I'll do. I'll go to the paddock and look at the horses. Here's the horse I'm going to bet on. Hello, horsey. You know, you know, I bet a lot of money on you. Are you going to win today? Oh, horse. How come you can talk? I can't. The horse next to me is a ventriloquist. That's an old joke. I can't help it. The other horse is Fred Allen. My bet. My bet. I got to make my bet. I got to win 475. Hold down if the window is closed. I'll wrap on it. Open the window. Open the window. What happened? When you opened the window, the gasoline ran out. Oh, here's the betting window. Mr. Mr. Here's $10. Give me a ticket on library. You got the wrong window. Go back two blocks and turn left. I just had the most exciting dream. I won't be able to go back to sleep now. Give me some oval team. Yes, sir. Oh, by the way, boss, after you went to bed, a special delivery came for you. Special delivery? What was it? A refund from the income tax bureau. How much? How much? $4.75, sir. Never mind the oval team. I can sleep now. Good night, Rochester. Good night, boss. Ladies and gentlemen, once again, the American Red Cross is in the midst of one of its most important campaigns to continue helping our hospitalized veterans to say nothing of its many other services to our communities. The Red Cross in action is America in action. So won't you please give generously to your Red Cross chapter? Give through the Red Cross the heart of America. Thank you. Jack, we'll be back in just a moment. But first, small ones. When you're feeling low, luckies find tobacco picks you up. And when you're tense, luckies find tobacco calms you down. That's why it's so important that you select and smoke the cigarette of fine tobacco, lucky strike, for as every smoker knows. L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T. Lucky strike means fine tobacco. No wonder more independent tobacco experts, auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemen smoke lucky strike regularly and the next two leading brands combined. Yes, luckies are the overwhelming choice of the men who really know tobacco. So when you choose your cigarette, be sure to make it lucky strike and get on the right level, the lucky level, where you feel your best and do your best. Yes, next time you buy cigarettes, ask for a carton of lucky strike. Feeling low, feeling tense. These eight words are common sense. Gentlemen, we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time, and we're going to have a special guest star. Who's it going to be, Jack? I'm not going to tell you, Mary, but I'll give you some clues. If he isn't tall and thin, he'll have red hair and freckles. But, Jack, that's so confusing. Well, Mary, next week for our guest, we're going to have either Van Johnson or Gary Cooper, whichever one I can get cheaper. Good night, folks. We're going to hear Dennis Day in a day in the life of Dennis Day. Stay tuned in for the Amos Nandi Shaw which follows immediately.