 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay comment I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic stop Being so nice with men stop being so nice to men and here's why okay? Really quickly if after this video you go this content resonates with me and I'd like to you Talk to a coach to get some advice and see if working with the coaches right with you Check out the link below to schedule a free discovery call all right stop being so nice to men and here's why Listen, I if you've been following my work You know that I talk significantly about childhood wounds and traumas as well as adult traumas that happen And what if and from first off to the importance of understanding this is that we are all wounded on some level in our childhood And there could be some traumas that even if you had the best parents in the world and you had the best relationship You could have had some issue that happened in your childhood That may cause you to have negative patterns and limiting beliefs in adulthood Okay, or maybe an adulthood you had an experience. Maybe you lost a job. Maybe you Got wiped out in the market crash in 2008 like I did maybe you went through a divorce Maybe you had health issues. So a lot of times there's stuff that comes up and I'm all about having compassion but here's the thing about being nice and it's there's a difference between Having compassion for another human being and being nice to them and what I mean by being nice is Well, actually, let me stop for a second. I once heard Someone once told me 20 30 years ago being nice is not telling someone how you really feel Being nice is not telling someone how you really feel and so that's what I want to lean into today because here's the deal You all have childhood wounds and traumas. We've had experiences. We've had adult experiences and maybe we haven't healed it But that doesn't mean you can't be a grown-up in relationship Okay, and I'm talking about men right now because quite frankly I talk to women all day long and I'm listening to the behavior from these guys and it is Incredibly selfish and this is selfish meaning. It's only their point of view and they're not being very considerate to women And I want you ladies to stop giving men a pass for this stuff again It's okay to have compassion but stop giving them a pass for bad behavior You know if his actions doesn't match it and you know, of course you can bolt on the relationship You can disappear, but I'm here to say call them out on their shit You know if a guy pulls away, don't do the I'm gonna pull away You know, I'm gonna lean back and be in my feminine energy and wait for him to come back Wait for him to come back because you're leaning back. No, call him out on his shit You know, here's the deal if a guy pulls away you want to lean in now You definitely want to lean into your sovereignty yourself worth I'm all in favor of that and if you're not familiar with my book what the heck is self-love anyway Definitely lean into this lean into this But what you can also do is call him out on his shit. Look you send a message Hey, I noticed you pulled away. What the fuck is going on now? Please forgive my French You don't have to be that Caustic to a man, but call him out on it and Here's the deal the sooner you call him out The quicker you can get to a decision of whether or not you were gonna want to invest in this relationship anymore If you're leaning back Leaving back and living your own life. You're gonna be I trust me. You're gonna be going in the back of your mind What's going on with him? What's going on with him? What's going on with him? Instead cut to the chase go look I've noticed you pull away or by the way, I mean let me get centered here I'm very passionate. I'm a little parental in the way. I coached. Please forgive me I'm like to think of myself as your big brother. I'm looking out for your best interests Okay, if you appreciate me being a big brother, please post a comment below if this resonates with you if you actually feel like I am being protective in the in a very Conscious, you know gentlemanly way except for my cursing Because here's the thing Men need to be called out for their behavior and you can do it in a very Polite way in fact in my book what the heck is self-love I say speak your truth do it with kindness That's chapter one in my book Another chapter in my book is when it's sincere and from the heart you can never say the wrong thing to the right person So if a guy has pulled away Okay You don't have to you know You don't need to pull away as well You can be not you know stop being nice and giving them a pass call them out on it and say look I Noticed you felt I've noticed you be a little distant recently is something going on That you'd like to discuss with me. I'd be one way of approaching it You can also say I've noticed you've been distant with me and I don't find that acceptable because we've made a Commitment to each other and now you're backing off and I just want to know are you in or out because if you're not in I'm gonna pursue a relationship with someone who actually wants to be in relationship with me You got to comment out on their shit You don't need to be nice and leaning back is another way of being nice because you're Allowing him to come to you. No, you got to cut to the chase right away I'm gonna do another video on this when he goes distance and distant what you should do I'll go into this a little more detail But stop being so nice to guys be compassionate be conscientious be kind But don't nice is not telling him how you feel Okay, start telling him how you feel and again if it's sincere and from the heart you can never say the wrong thing to the right person So don't be afraid because it's not being nice is not telling him how you genuinely feel and that's really the point I'm trying to make in today's video All right, did you get value from this did this help any please post a comment or if you have a question I read I do my best to read every single one. I try to respond to many Again, if you find value in this and you go god I'd like to have a personal touch, but I can't afford a dating coach then do me or dating a relationship coach Then check out the link to my VIP group midlife. Love Mastery. It's $20 a month and you can have access to me on a regular basis All right, I'm gonna sign up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic job The mirror hug of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love I'm gonna ask you to turn to somebody and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can All use more love in our lives. Thanks so much and wishing you a fabulous day. Bye. Bye now