 السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على أنبياء الله جميعا وعلى سيدهم وخاتمهم حبيب إله العالمين أب القاسم المصطفى محمد وعلى هل بيته الطيبين الطاهرين المعصومين وعلى الصفوة من أصحابه الأخيار المنتجمين ومن تبعهم بإحسان وإيمان إلى يوم الدين أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم وقضى ربك أن لا تعبدو إلا إياه وبالوالدين إحسانا إما يبلغن عندك الكبرة أحدهما أو كلاهما فلا تقول لهم أفن ولا تنهرهما وقول لهم قولا كريمة وخفض لهم جناحة ذلي من الرحمة وقل رب رحمهم كما رب يان صغيرة صدق الله العلي العظيم أردت أبوك وأبوك على هذا اليوم اليوم حيث نميز أبوك وأبوك أبوك is a blessing and a gift it's a gift from God, it's a blessing, it's a privilege to be a father at the same time it's an important responsibility too, it's a commitment it's a commitment and sometimes God bestows this gift and this responsibility on some and sometimes God does not give it to others and this is what he says in Surah Ashura chapter 42 God says if I give children to someone, to a family, to a father, to a mother then there is a reason, there is wisdom in that, there is wisdom if I decide not to give, also there is a reason, also there is wisdom so you should not be upset, sometimes the reason it's not known for us we don't know about it, we get upset, we think this is deprivation God is depriving this family from children depriving this father from being a father depriving this man from being a father, depriving this mother or this lady, this wife from being a mother but there is a reason he says in Surah Ashura لله ملك السماوات والأرض everything in this universe belongs to him, he is the owner لله ملك السماوات والأرض يخلق ما يشاء he creates what he likes what he thinks is worthy يخلق ما يشاء يهبوا لمن يشاءوا إناثن ويهبوا لمن يشاءوا الذكور he begins with females in a society, the Arab society of Makkah where they had no respect for females here God begins by mentioning females before mentioning males يهبوا he bestows for whom he likes only females ويهبوا لمن يشاءوا الذكور some other families he bestows on them only males do you see some families, they have three males five, six, seven sons no females and sometimes other families they have three, five, nine I know some family who had 12 daughters no single son this is God's choice يهبوا لمن يشاءوا إناثن ويهبوا لمن يشاءوا الذكور I will use a widget of them ذكرانا وأناثا and listen to the most important part ويجعلوا من يشاءوا عقيمة and he makes whoever he wants barren barren means without children he bestows neither males nor females on them neither sons nor daughters there is a reason also what is the reason we really don't know we do not know because God's one of God's characteristics is far sightedness God looks at the end of the road at the end of the journey we don't see the end of the journey we saw we see only few meters ahead of us we don't know what is good for us sometimes we think boys are good for us they turn to be disaster for the family sometimes we try to avoid females not knowing that a female a daughter could be a source of strength and assistance and affection to her family we don't know we don't know what God has saved for us so we have to be thankful if God gives your children you have to be thankful you have to be responsible and committed to your children and if he decides not to give you also of course you have to try today with modern science you can get help but if let's say for some reason you tried and it didn't happen again be thankful to God there is a reason there is a reason for that fatherhood is commitment my friends and we have to put our children if you are a father today inshallah many of those who are sitting in front of me they are going to be fathers soon inshallah in this life we live in the age of speed believe me when I came to Irvine 20 years ago 21 years ago some of those kids were still in their mother's womb they were not born now I see them they bring me their kids today they show me their kids so alhamdulillah one good thing about America that we move forward our children they grow faster inshallah they get married sooner inshallah a big responsibility is to take care of your children is to raise them is to commit yourself to put your family as a priority I don't only mean to be a breadwinner to bring money or food home to bring values to and teachings you are not just a breadwinner some people think my responsibility as a father just to go and work hard so I can help my family financially of course this is one of his duties but this is not the only one I think the bigger duty of a father is to be a role model an example a teacher murshid murshid means giving direction a source of inspiration a source of strength in the family when the family feel weakness when the family are distraught when the family is confused they come to the father he is the pillar of power and strength and enthusiasm the father should be strong when one of the sons one of the daughters they have problem in their life they must rush to the father because he is not just a father he is a friend he is a consultant he is a senior aide senior advisor this is the real father the real father is not just the one who just work and brings money the real father is the one who inspires his family ethically inspires them he gives direction to his family he is a source of encouragement when a member of family when a member of the family feels weak confused the father is there to save him or her to induce them with inspiration this is the job of the fathers my friends I want the new generation to hear what I am saying to listen to it so you know that when you get married it's not just working it's not just your paycheck and you have to buy them clothing and food and take them to you know Disneyland and these places you have to be a teacher you have to be an educator this is your role this is the role of a responsible and committed and successful father not only the family they need his wallet not only they need the wallet of the father they need his wisdom too his wisdom father's wisdom sometimes is more important than his money some of our children today they can make money at the age of 16 minimum wage they don't die of starvation but nobody can provide them with wisdom the wisdom they find it with their fathers at home and if you think your dad is not like that if you think your dad he failed in his moral responsibility he wasn't a good father he wasn't an example he wasn't a source of inspiration he wasn't a source of encouragement he never talked to you he never gave you direction he never shared good time with you then you have to be like that you learn a lesson from your dad say whatever I experienced with my dad was not good I didn't have good experience with him may God forgive him for what he did but I'm going to be a different father I learned lessons from other people's mistakes I learned a lesson I tried to avoid them if you think your father some people they come to me they said my dad didn't do anything whatever I am it's because of me although I don't believe you because at least your father brought you into this life your father brought you to America otherwise you would have been in the jungles of one of these countries your father was the one who sent you to school gave you food although we tend to deny and forget the blessings and the favors of our parents but suppose your father didn't do anything and your father was mistaken and your father failed you here and there you should not do these mistakes and repeat them with your children tomorrow try to learn try to learn from the deficiencies of your parents so-called deficiencies now what is the right of the father sister سمانة رد a passage from رسالة الحقوق the treaties of rights one of the most magnificent one of the most powerful source of inspiration رسالة الحقوق للإمام علي يبن الحسين زين العابدين عليه الصلاة والسلام 50 right he puts 50 rights in his this thesis and one of them is أما حقوا أما حقوا أبوك عليك the right of your father is such and such and such and it is mentioned only in the Quran how do we respect our fathers it is mentioned here chapter 17 صورة الإسرار وقضا ربوك God uses a beautiful term God says I have decreed your Lord has decreed قضا meaning more than recommendation it is not just recommendation it is an obligation sometimes God says I would love for you to do this and that recommendation but sometimes وقضا it is a must you must do this that is the only way of success وقضا ربوك علي وقضا ربوك what did he decree وقضا ربوك اللى تعبدو إلا إيه that you worship none but him and immediately he turned from him to your parents to your father and your mother واب الوالديني إحسانا be virtuous to parent to your parents إحسانا virtuous واب الوالديني إحسانا and then he tells you how to respect them look at these beautiful steps because sometimes we get confused what is respect respect is a broad term what is it send them money this is respect saying salam to them and how are you my daddy I love you kissing them on the cheek you know is that the only thing we have to do greeting them in the morning say hey I have to go to work daddy hello and then coming back from work hi daddy I am tired you know or there is something more into it definitely there is something more into it look at what God says God gives us a good lesson good direction good decree وقضا ربوك اللى تعبدو إلا إيه واب الوالديني إحسانا being virtuous to your parents إحسان إما يبلغن عندك الكبرة أحدهما أو كلاهما once إما means once once they attain an old age either one of them or both فلا تقول لهم أفن never say a word of of it means the least expression of contempt the least expression of irritation and annoyance when someone is today though let's say the weather is not very good you say of your space is not very comfortable you say of the food that your mother cooks for you every day and puts on the table you don't like it your majesty today the food you say of okay of is the least expression of unhappiness or discomfort the least least I know some of them they don't use the least they use the strongest they bang their hand on the table boom I don't like this food or sometimes they break the plate because they don't like the food Allah says do not say even the least expression of contempt do not say it فلا تقول لهم often any expression of complained or annoyance or sometimes irritation and some of the some of the commentators in the Quran they say this this word فلا تقول لهم of it's a reference to a specific situation what is it they say when sometimes your parents attain old age you have to take them for their personal hygiene you know take them to the bathroom help them hold their hand to walk with them they are in the hospital at home you know they are sick and some people get irritated I don't like this this is ugly this is you know gross never say this to them فلا تقول لهم often this is number one God gives five steps how to respect our parents our fathers and our mothers step number one فلا تقول لهم often ولا تنهرهما nor try them or rebuff them ولا تنهرهما do not speak ugly or harshly with your parents many of us many of us who are children who are sons and daughters at the time of anger we disrespect our parents we say bad terms to them we speak profanity we use words that we should never use with any person let alone your father or your mother we have to be respectful to them even you think your dad did something wrong you are not allowed to tell your dad you are stupid you are not allowed to use this with your dad neither with your mom even if you think they are mistaken even if you think they did injustice to you ولا تنهرهما never tried or rebuff your parents never use dismissive expressions against your parents never ever there are other ways if you disagree with your dad there is another way of telling him I disagree with you be polite be polite you don't have to agree with your parents who said you have to agree all the times with your parents on all issues no you may disagree but the disagreement has to be very polite God has given us intelligence we have a huge vocabulary we can use you can use there are many synonymous rather than saying stupid say daddy maybe maybe there is something wrong with this idea that you are telling me that's okay you may say this to him but never use never tried ولا تنهرهما never repel your parents ولا تنهرهما and then number three instead of repelling them وقل لهم قولا كريمة speak to them address them with an honorable honorable speech honorable word noble word قولا كريمة always speak to them spoil your parents use the best in your vocabulary the best terms of respect use them with your parents I know some people they use the best terms of respect with their girlfriends and boyfriends but they don't use them with their mothers and fathers when it comes to his girlfriend she's the sweetest on earth he's too afraid of saying something so she runs away from him but when it comes to his dad his dad is an easy target his mother is an easy target why because they said my dad he's stuck with me he has to pay me he has the only I'm the only son or I'm even if he's not the only son this is his responsibility to sustain me to pay for me see this is not right this is not right because you're going to see the result of all these actions in your life before you die if you do good to your parents you will see it if you do evil you will see it too definitely you will see it there is no escape from that the way you treat your parents your children are going to treat you tomorrow I've seen in my life siblings belong to one family siblings from the same father same mother same house same family one of them is beautiful to his parents the other is any beautiful or less caring I would not say end beautiful but less caring and I've seen the result of both in their life someone who is more caring more compassionate more affectionate with his parents I see the success in his life and I see the failure in the other one's life you will see it definitely be careful of how you treat your parents how you speak to them وَقُلَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا always speak to them in good terms always respect them even if we disagree with them I know when we love them when they give us money definitely you say daddy I love you but not only when they give you money suppose they don't have money that said he's not a father anymore she's not a mother anymore how about when they raised you when you were baby and you knew nothing about this world you knew nothing and they changed your diaper they took care of you they fed you they put their life in jeopardy because of you because of you and your happiness and your comfort be beautiful to your parents وَقُلَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا and then number four وَخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَا حَذْذُلِّ مِنَ الْرَحْمَا look at this a beautiful expression beautiful proverb and parable lower for them out of humility lower for them the wings of humility out of mercy وَخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَا حَذْذُلِّ meaning you have to be very humble before your parents very humble before your mother before your father I know some kids they treat their mothers like slaves believe me the way a master and owner treats his or her slaves the way they talk to them the way they give them orders you must do this for me or if they come home and that thing is not ready they go mad and they start insulting and cursing their parents you are not going to be a good mother if you do this with your mother you are not going to be a good father if you treat your parents in this miserable way believe me you fail you lose your family you lose your future you lose your happiness even if you are rich even if you think that you don't need your parents you are rich this is wrong you need to respect them وَخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَا حَذْذُلِّ مِنَا رْحْمَا lower for them the wings of humility humility see God says I don't want you to disrespect yourself I don't want any person to humiliate himself or herself except before their parents the only people that you must humiliate yourself before them your parents your father and your mother don't do that before any person don't do that to your girlfriend don't do that to your boyfriend to your husband to your wife never humiliate yourself before your partner before your friend before your boss but your mother your father they deserve it they deserve it and that has nothing to do with religion sometimes a person is religious but he is disrespectful to his parents he loses all his credits he is not religious this is what God says God says if you do the work of all the prophets all the virtuous acts you perform them and you come to me on the day of judgment you are disrespectful to your parents you lose all your credits you have no credits with me don't tell me that I spend the nights of Ramadan in adoration and worship and I have a credit with God if you don't respect your parents you have no credits you have no credits and if someone if someone is a disbeliever in God he doesn't believe in God but he or she is a dutiful to his parents God will bring him success God will still bring him success because this has nothing to do with being religious or irreligious disreligious has nothing to do with that it has to do with parents having rights upon you why? because they brought you into this life they took care of you they invested their energy their life their efforts their concerns to bring you up to protect you وقل لهم قولا كريمة always speak to them nicely as Samana mentioned I know some we are close to each other parents are close to their children but still you are not allowed to call your father by his first name or your mother by her first name sometimes I know the mother she gets excited they call her by her first name but this is not an Islamic adab I don't know about other cultures maybe it works in other cultures but in the Islamic culture it does not work of course neither you have to tell him your majesty or honor you know you don't have to you know Baba is a good term when the Quran came asking the Muslims not to call the Prophet Ya Muhammad the following morning all the Muslims they started calling him يا رسول الله accept his daughter Fatima his daughter Fatima also she called him يا رسول الله but the Prophet came to her he said to her يا Fatima you are an exception do not call me يا رسول الله call me يا أبا oh daddy because I'd love to hear this from you I'd love to hear my daughter calling me daddy I'm a father and I'd love for my children call me daddy so all the Muslims including Imam Ali they had to address the Prophet يا رسول الله one exception one exception that was Fatima she would call him يا أبا the Prophet said I really enjoy when I hear it from your mouth you call me daddy we have to respect when we address them we must respect them address them in good term one of the Islamic adab is when your father comes into the room you stand for him you stand but what we do today we watch television we are busy with television with the games the father comes 50 times and goes out and we never pay attention and the mother has to bring us the food like a servant she puts the breakfast in front of us the lunch, dinner, drinks this she cleans after us you know she comes into our room the room is a mess we have a servant in the house the servant her name is mother we treat them like servants this is not good this type of Islam is invalid this type of Islam is barbaric it's not civilized it's more important to bring your dad a cup of water than doing two rakah of Salat do you know if your dad you know he's thirsty you bring him some water it is more rewarding and it has more thawab than standing and doing Salat or reciting Quran this is what religion tells us and teaches us وَقُلَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا وَخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَا حَدْذُلِّ مِنَ الْرَّحْمَا out of affection and humility lower for them the wings of humility out of mercy and then last thing وَقُرْ رَبِّرْ حَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِ صَغِيرًا always pray for your parents why? when we pray when we pray for someone it means we love that person especially when you pray privately تهجر صلاة الليل when that person is not there but you remember him or her it means you love them and the first people that you must love are your parents so you have to pray for them during their lifetime and after their departure always وَقُرْ رَبِّرْ حَمْهُمَا say my lord bestow mercy on them كَمَا رَبَّيَانِ صَغِيرًا as they bestowed their mercy on me when I was a child they raised me they had love for me they had care for me وَقُرْ رَبِّرْ حَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِ صَغِيرًا there is a hadith of the prophet I must mention this hadith before I conclude the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم says يُقَالُ لِلْعَقِي يُقَالُ لِلْعَقِي it would be said by God to someone who is disrespectful to his parents عق it's the opposite of بر بر الوالدين وقوق الوالدين بر الوالدين is to be virtuous and kind and beautiful عقوق الوالدين is when you are and beautiful disrespective God will say to one who is disrespective to his parents يُقَالُ لِعَقِ الوالدين اعمل ما شئت فإني لا أخفر لك whatever worship you want to do it's not going to help you I'm not going to forgive you God who is very forgiving God who is very merciful he says to the person who wishes with his parents disrespectful he says to him I'm not going to forgive you whatever you do of prayers unless you go to your mother and you're to your dad and tell them I'm sorry and you change your behavior you behave in the front of your parents you behave you respect them this is the key for success if you go to the college the college teaches you key for success is money is education money that's it but when you come to the masjid the masjid says education plus اخلاق plus manners plus being beautiful beautiful to your parents and to your family members اللهم اخفر للمؤمنين والمؤمنات والمسلمين والمسلمات الأحياء منهم والأموات تابع لهم بيننا وبينهم بالخيرات اللهم أمونا على مرضانا بالشفاء والعافية وعجل في فرج سيدنا ومولانا صاحب العصر والزمان وإلى أرواح المؤمن والمؤمنات ثواب الفاتح مع الصلاة على محمد وآل محمد