 You guys know how in the movies, whenever the girl is being played by the bad boy, he always breaks down in some sad sob story where he's like, I'm just trying to be a better person. And you know he's completely full of shit. Well, let's say you're a decent human being and you really are trying to be a better person. How exactly do you do that? And where do you even begin? Hey guys, Alex Hine, author of the book Milk the Pigeon, a field guide for anyone lost in their 20s on Amazon, or if you want me to whisper in your ear at night on Audible. Now, before you jump in, check out the link below this video for a free goal-setting worksheet to plan out how to have the best year ever of your life and how to come up with daily rituals to make that happen. All right? First link below this video. Becoming a better person is about character first, not about goals. You know, think about someone who you think is just not a good person. Right? It's because they're unambitious. It's because they don't clean up the bathroom after themselves. It's because they pee on the toilet seat. It's because they don't clean up. Like, what is it specifically that makes them a bad person? Right? So when you don't like. It's probably something about their character traits. It's about they say things that are different than what they do. They lie. They're dishonest. They don't follow through with anything. They're not that nice, not that friendly. They're critical. You know, all of these things are character traits. And I think that's really, really important to hone in on, because our generation today is so focused on anything other than the essential piece of a human, which is one's character. Character becomes destiny as the saying goes, as the quote goes. You know, one thing I loved about the book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey talks about in the early chapters that when you look at the old school personal growth books, going back in the last hundred or last 200 years, what those old authors talked about, number one was what he calls the character ethic. So they weren't talking about tactics or strategies or how to charm people. What they were talking about is actually being a good person, a virtuous person. I know that sounds, you know, obvious, but in a world where we all watch videos on hacks and manifesting and getting more followers, these are all missing the point. This is all the facade of becoming a better person and not the core meat and potatoes, which is actually being a better person. So Stephen Covey emphasized focusing on the character ethic first, and then what he calls the personality ethic, the charmer, the superficial facade next. But what I would say is focus on character first and goals second. So a useful exercise that may help you that helped me is really to think about what traits you actually have to work on to become an unusually personally developed person. And I came up with three that really helped me because number one, the things I fall short on all the time, the things that I really admire in other people when I see them, and the things that I think are worthwhile to develop. So the first one I came up with is doing what you say, right? Because in this world, a person can tweet something in one second, like I'm going to go write a book, but it can take three years to write a book, right? They can say, I'm going to build a six-figure business with a tweet or an Instagram post or a text that can take one year, they can take 10 years, they can take someone a whole lifetime to do that. And so to me, doing what you say is purely being careful about letting your actions be bigger than your words and letting the evidence of your life show in your actions and not specifically the things that you say. The second thing is to be character growth-oriented. So not just growth-oriented, but character-focused growth-oriented. Because, you know, in the same way, let's say I'm struggling to write my book, I'm struggling to get fit, and I'm struggling to get a girlfriend, right? Well, one could argue that all of those are one character growth challenge, which is let's just say discipline. I'm not disciplined about writing the book. I say I want to write this fantasy novel, I haven't even spent one hour in the last week writing it. So how serious am I really about writing that damn book? Probably not that serious. Where I say I want to be fit, well, going back to principle number one, combined with principle number two, I say I want to be fit. And yet, the last four days ate completely unconsciously. And I've been to the gym since Monday and now it's Friday. Is that congruency with the kind of person I want to become? Probably not. So character growth-oriented is not about saying more things or having more goals. It's working on the fundamental traits that make you a more cultivated person, right? Because when you become a disciplined person, you can reach almost every goal just by developing that singular trait, which is why character is so essential as the foundation. And the third thing for me is to be constantly evolving and goal-oriented. All that means is that for me to be what I think is a personally developed person, I need to be someone who's always growing, both in terms of my character, those old school virtues and traits, as well as what I'm creating. Sometimes I'm not creating anything externally. I'm just working on being more patient or less judgmental. Other times I'm working on aggressive external growth, like I want to grow a bigger audience or I want to complete another new book, or I want to go to four new countries this year. So those things are really this continual evolution, both internally from the character perspective and externally from the goal or progression perspective. Now, maybe for you, this is a good video where you can take the time to figure out what character traits are really most important to you. And one of the ways you can figure that out is by realizing in other people what you like the most. Like maybe what you've decided is none of the things I just said, but you want to be a lighthearted, friendly, calm person that makes people feel at ease. That's an awesome trait. But just thinking about what you admire and respect or even envy in others is a really good focus for character traits. All right, you guys. So those are my personal thoughts on how to become a better person, focus on character, not what you say, not goals, but your fundamental character is usually the thing that people like or really dislike about you. And it's also the thing that will drive you towards the life you really want or make you stay the same or get worse as time goes on. All right, you guys. So check out the link below this video for the free goal setting worksheet on how to plan out and have the best year ever of your life. It'll help you have some exercises, figure out goals and rituals. You'll also get a weekly email on how to set goals that can improve your life. Now, before you go, check out these two related videos here as well.