 This morning a video popped up in my feeds on YouTube and I was listening to this gentleman Should I actually say gentlemen this person this man? espousing the fact that men are predisposed to sleep with as many women as they can that men are Hardwired to sleep with as many women as they can and he talks about how he has multiple girlfriends Communicating to a group of women in this particular case as if these women should accept this behavior this experience as just being the reality of things and To just deal with it and I wanted to lean into this conversation because it made me really think about What does a commitment mean? What does a promise mean? When two people engage in a relationship and they make certain agreements with one another Do they keep these agreements with one another because quite frankly? How can you build trust with another person if you can't keep your agreements? Now when a man is genuinely in love with someone and he makes a commitment to him His word is his bond. Oh, let me let me backtrack when I say this when an emotionally healthy man Makes a commitment to someone his word is his bond Meaning that when he says the words I love you and he's expressed an agreement to be monogamous and exclusive with you He's not going to break that promise And that doesn't mean that we as humans don't occasionally make errors that we might say something and didn't follow through with it Well, we might make minor commitments. We certainly recognize the difference between. Hey, I'm you know, I'm gonna pick you up You know, I'm gonna pick you up after work at six o'clock and they don't show up till 6 30, okay? Well, that's breaking an agreement certainly in this particular case and there might be some extenuating circumstances But when you make big commitments to another human being both men and women alike an Emotionally healthy person his word is his bond their word is their bond when they make a commitment It comes from an honorable place Certainly those big commitments So a man who loves you isn't going to break commitments with you and again I should preface this by saying an emotionally healthy man The reality is is we're swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality And we're certainly swimming in a sea of rhetoric out there like this man Who's espousing how men are hardwired to sleep with as many women as they can okay? Well, that's true. We men do desire that But an emotionally mature man has what's called self control. He has that capacity to go. You know what? What's more important to me? Does anyone remember that TV show? God, I can't remember it was called tool time. That was actual show inside the show I was with oh god I can't think of the actor's name But he had a neighbor where you can only see the top of his head and he would talk to his neighbor every day And I remember the neighbor said something he says, you know You can sleep with a thousand different women or you can sleep with one woman a thousand different ways And that got me thinking, you know in an emotionally healthy relationship Couples actually find variety within their relationship So there isn't that need to go out and spread your seed with everyone else Okay, like this man was I said espousing earlier See when you make a real commitment to someone Your word is your bond and yet sadly today We don't see this and I think part of the problem is couples aren't they're they're they're dating from a short term mating strategy They're dating from a short term mating strategy now I know women have a propensity to desire commitment much more than men and yet this short term Mating strategy for example is if I have sex with them that will make him want to come back for more and Certainly that can in some cases be true But that's not a tool to guarantee Real trust real bond in a relationship. So how do we make this happen folks? I think it's important to recognize that love happens through a deeper emotional connection with someone That's right a deeper emotional connection Now I want you to think of the emotional connection you might have with a very good friend in your life Maybe your best friend think of that emotional connection. This is a person That you feel safe enough to share your intimate secrets and not that you have to share everything But you have the you're willing to share the intimate sides of who you are Knowing that you're not going to be judged knowing that you're not going to be rejected knowing that you're not going to be abandoned from this person Because speaking your truth from a kind place and that's what we do when we speak to our friends We speak typically from a kind place We know it's safe. So then how do we build friendship with someone because folks? I'm here to say that the real The real Keystone to a healthy happy relationship Ultimately boils down to am I with my best friend now? It doesn't mean you start off as best friends But am I with the person who's literally as close to my best friend or one of my closest friends? That's what it should feel like. I'm just simply talking about what it should feel like Now I watched a video with Jay Shetty and he talks it He says it takes about 40 hours of face to face time just to begin to get to know someone And let me be clear when I say face to face time. It's not done through our devices It's not done through text messaging Now face time is close to this but ultimately it's that face to face time now if you watch my channel I've always said it takes about a hundred hours of face to face time just to build the first layer of trust The first layer of trust trust isn't just about fidelity. We talked about fidelity earlier Trust is can I count on this person to have my best interest at heart? So and then Jay Shetty goes on to say it takes about 200 hours of face to face time to build a good friendship with someone. So what does that look like? It looks like doing social activities. It's looks like doing hobbies It's mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in your personal and your professional life That's what it looks like in those 200 hours By the way, my coffee mug says don't make me go all psycho roommate on you I know how to compare that way in some of my videos. I go. I rate I get very passionate But I'm here sometimes screaming at the top of my lungs to encourage a More effective way to approach the mating process because as I said earlier if you're if you're operating from a short-term mating strategy and a lot of men do operate from a short-term mating strategy Because we are a society of almost self-centric people It's almost all about our own needs and not caring about the other person needs. So coming back to trust Trust is saying the other person's feelings matter to me as much as my own feelings matter to me and How do we get there? Well, I think it's more important these days to have a long-term mating strategy And a long-term mating strategy includes right from the get-go being radically honest with the person laying your cards on the table and Establishing the rules of engagement when two people like each other and decide that they want to explore a relationship with one another Then create the agreements within that framework So, you know, you're on the same page instead of this just sitting back in your friend in an energy and waiting for a man to claim you Okay, a man knows very early on an emotionally healthy man knows very early on if he likes someone enough to explore a relationship And if this man is emotionally healthy, he has the capacity to keep his penis in his pants Okay, and not have that need to go spread the seed, you know, the thing is One of the fundamentals of being a man is self-control It takes self-control just to navigate our emotions to regulate our emotions. We have these capacities to do this for ourselves Now for some people they have to go through Training to get there. Maybe they go through therapy. Maybe they go through personal development work self-help and spiritual work That's just kind of the crux of my book what the heck a self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book and the recommended book section Why am I sharing all this with you because it's time for a more grown-up approach? Sadly, we've been bombarded with this extra stimuli this belief system that we have so many options because the swipe culture has created this Misconception that we have so many options this this Paradox of choice by the way right after this video I invite you to go look up the video called paradox of choice on Ted talk I See men oftentimes believe that if it doesn't work out with one person because it isn't easy They can go find another one another one another one and let me tell you something after a while This wears on our emotional well-being this belief that we can have someone that you can really literally replace And when I say it wears on our emotional well-being what happens is a Lot of men lose favor in even wanting a long-term mate This is why I invite you all to ask deeper questions in the early stages of dating instead of this Cavalier approach that we should just have a good time Focusing on having a good time, you know, let's just have a good time in the dating process and the cream will rise to the top Well, I know for many of you women you've approached it that way only to find out You've been hurt one time after another after another and after another and that can wear on your emotional well-being So how do we approach the process differently? All right simply put since online dating dating represents probably 60% of all new Relationships out there is put together a stellar representation of yourself so you can be seen by single eligible men The reality is is in our daily lives We are not in environments where we're surrounded by typically single eligible people Certainly for those of us in our 40s 50s and 60s Certainly 20 year olds 30 year olds when they're going out to clubs. They're socializing. They are they have a propensity to meet more people But for those of us older, it's a little bit harder. So yes online dating represents the number one place to meet people So put a good representation of yourself Also be open with your criteria I will tell you that men and women are so darn picky these days partially because the fact is Everybody desires the most attractive made out there Reality is is as we age we don't look as good as we used to so we have to remember that a good heart is Better than a good-looking face if you will an Honorable person is more important than a good-looking face or the height of a person and A person with character is more important to how much they have in their bank account See these days dating often times for men and men by the way men are guilty of hyper focusing on looks So let me not you know Throw them under the bus. They do this as well, but the end of the day I invite you to just open your make your net a bit wider From your current stance, and I know many of you say well Jonathan. I do that and I still meet a bunch of duds Yeah Emotional maturity is quite lacking today dysfunctionality is what we're swimming in Now this can just we can actually start to believe there's no one else out no one else no one out there for us Yeah, you can start believing that and guess what if you believe that there isn't anyone for you Remember those that achieve what they want they set an inner goal for themselves from a positive perspective from an Optimistic perspective I've often said in my videos. I want you all to start saying it's reigning great men It's reigning great men. It's reigning great men Because all you need is one great guy. You don't need to meet all of them So if you start viewing men from a more compassionate place and by the way We have a significant percentage of the population that is bitter and jaded towards men and women alike and in no wonder It's a dysfunctional dating pool out there. I Just want you to know this When a man genuinely cares about you and he makes a commitment to you his word is his bond He doesn't want to break his promise and what's what's lacking today for all couples Even those emotionally mature couples. They don't have a blueprint of how to build a healthy happy relationship This is why I want to recommend one more book before I wrap up today Look at I know the title says seven principles for making marriage work by John Gottman Take out the word marriage and just replace that with serious Relationship the seven principles for making a serious relationship work Why is this critically important? Because when you understand the blueprint to a healthy happy relationship when you understand the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship You can actually start adopting a long-term mating strategy if for those of you who have a desire to be in partnership with one another and Then in the early stage of dating I recommend I'm now I'm going to recommend one more book. It's again by the Gottmans It's eight dates. These are the critical conversations to have in the early stage of dating To determine if you're on the same page because remember when I said Jay said he said Jay Shetty said it takes 200 hours to get to know someone Well, how do you get to know them is buying being inquisitive? inquiring into who they are When I talk about radical honesty laying your cards on the table and the rules of engagement radical honesty simply means being vulnerable Authentic and transparent to another human being and transparent is simply if it's material to the relationship or the Forming of a relationship, then it's important to dive into it. That's number one Laying your cards on the table look we have to unpack our past Relationships to get assessment of who this person is and where their past lies to see how their future Will most likely unfold and the rules of engagement is simply establishing your standards right in the book in the get-go Especially before you become physically intimate with someone because by doing this work you build the deep roots of trust To form a healthy happy relationship. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know Please don't buy into the rhetoric that men are just Predisposed to spread their seed and they have no self control when a person makes a commitment to you And you make a commitment to another person, of course, we're going to falter to some degree but not on the big things and Sadly all too often men are listening to rhetoric like that women are listening to rhetoric like that And it's no wonder we have a dysfunctional dating pool. I invite everyone to operate from a long-term mating strategy To ensure greater success In their love life is this sinking in thank you All right, I guess If it did, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel Please hit that notification bell as well and I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off Give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love If that's okay, I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow Give it or them a hug of love I guess hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye