 Let's talk about he day wa katiyo me toka hindi So alikwa na takakuji choma kwenyumba na wa toto yei na wa toto That's the thing I didn't get because afterwards alik Muma li chomika? Muma li chomika but moto ilikwa ina kukamdeli ya wa toto Then I was handling so many things and remember my child alikwa na tumia dawa 7,000 every week The one with the skin condition Ya Nime jeribu dawa zingini una pata ina wa kukimoja then the only one that works with him ni yo wa kanzaku semasiji na muafek sub internal organs but right now na una ukitumia yo dawa anani ni ana kako much better kanaeza lala na sainaeza kacha So now let's ask you after the request Now that was the end of the story with the guy It wasn't the end because alishiku ku apologise but to me and my heart that was the end because nidi ona what matters in this life to me is my kids and as long as my kids are in danger I'm in the wrong place You see the most important person should be you as long as you're not okay you can never be okay to someone else be okay for you then the right person will come because even now I normally say I won't close all the doors yet I won't open because I don't know the person I'm opening for Right now I've given it a try and people have wicked ideas and thoughts so I just pray that the young mums don't be desperate and don't think that a man can come to change your life because another issue onona iliki tu piina inna leta izi issu zote it's you as a lady una katini instead of you thinking of what you can do with your life unafkiri achani taf temu tu ani saide kuchens life yango nothing counts for free statistics have it that roughly 40% of femicide stories are from a marriage and today we have an amazing guest who has gone through the same in marriage so welcome guys to SPM Buzz my name is Shiko Gitao na piya tum karibisha wgeniwe tu karibusana thank you so much hello guys and my name is Kimberley and I'm so happy to be part of this conversation karibusana thank you so much you're looking amazing you're looking beautiful wow thank you thank you now maybe Kimberley turn the two straight to the point of course we all know what has been happening of late stories of femicide last week we had a match in town and also across the country hashtag end of femicide and Kimberley you partly or rather you have been in such a situation labduneza traeleza hasupalivo konziat klazei when you had your first rape case but before that mebuneza tumbioleza liwa wapi until now you found yourself now in the situation ok my full name is beach is ongeshi Kimberley beach is ongeshi but ok I was born in actually my grand I was born and raised by my grandparent na wali baisha mbakirini agaba they are from niri so now I found myself there for couple of years but the people who took care of me are those people two great people although they passed on but they still live in my heart they were really great and I normally say I am who I am because of them and now ok me from way back then I used to love art I loved writings for Kenwa's music and movie scripts and all that so there is this day when I was coming from a studio and I met these are nun call of mine who used to stay in the US and every time I went to Kenyanya to see a certain grey car so this day I went to a studio it was around 4 4 ish there in the pm na kuli kwa kuna nyesha so when I went to Kenyanya I thought it was him so when I approached actually in my mind I didn't know what I was doing sorry so when they came they actually took me to Kenyanya but they grabbed me they started calling me and they came to deliver and they called me not knowing the other people from as in the back of the ninika so when I approached they told me that actually I didn't know what I was doing because when they were talking when they made sense it's like this person knows me still I was young and naive I was that kind of a person if I went to school I would stay at home so actually it was it was just a normal day to me so when I came to Kenyanya I guess the conversation I had was too long I might end up discovering what I was doing what I was doing when I started as in arguing I started fighting them off when I came to Kenyanya they had a gun? yes they were they were armed and then after that they did what they did after that I went to Nairobi women's hospital next to my neighbour she told me that I was going to go to the hospital and I was going to go to the hospital so that time what really pains me was you see I normally ask these guys when I came to Kenyanya they are ladies out there because you can't tell me if you really want to sleep with someone who is not there but when I go to a person an innocent person take it forcefully because actually they ruined my life till today I just wish I can turn back the hands of time when people are discussing when your friends are discussing about your first day and all that as for me I just have to just walk away because I have no idea as in the first day I could have enjoyed was through number of monsters then after that after after I finished my test after you have to go three tests after every three months so that you can be safe then after that I went to school thinking that women are the people who are supposed to stand with one another when I was going to ask for permission one day I remember my card dropped so a woman teacher saw my card since it has details of everything the date you are supposed to go for that check up and all that alitawatu akawambia they should keep off for me because I am a prostitute oh no so this was after that story because I had to go back to school but from there I really changed because I used to love isolating myself me I am a fun person but that part of me that loves being alone and when I am alone there is nothing positive I think about so from there people started knowing imagine people knowing everything about you and the worst part is I was telling God you knew what I wanted with my life because I always wanted to prove to people that you can have everything but still don't be all over but that changed on that day and then here comes a teacher who is supposed to work with you she is against you now everyone knows about you and they are actually they are judging you according to an incident that you are innocent about so after that I told myself when I have been too good for no reason as in I have gained nothing but what really changed I told myself every man who comes my way I will make sure that I will revenge so you were now on a mission of revenge what was your plan maybe with this revenge against men actually funny enough I wanted to prove to to people that men are really weak because no man can say no I know there are few men but trust me as a lady you know if you want a man they don't know how to say no okay they may try but if you are persistent enough trust me you will end up falling so my agenda was I will make you fall there is nothing you can't do and then I will leave but one thing I was pissed me sleeping with men na na something that never broke when it came to me I used to hate like me sleeping with men was I was I saw them as animals so me I used to make people you fall in love then I will just disappear so you make them fall in love have feelings for you then leave and it was a fun game until I did it twice and then when I saw how the person was broken I told myself this is not me and I am revenging with the wrong person because they are not the people who really hurt me ya sure so what I did I let it go now I went off I used to avoid male like completely me even my own relative as long as your man I couldn't sit down with you so now what what I did my dressing code is what changed like me I used to wear like me na skiyanga bitu haki se mati atia mewa bibaya me there is nothing me kuhu buri shote and crop and I am very comfortable and down there like approach me because of the way I am wearing like kusini katie I am not wearing I am trying to seduce anyone ya so mind wise I was telling myself I want to show you what you destroyed but you won't get it ya like I developed a part in me that till today most of the time I feel I have to prove to people that I am good enough and when you approach me and tell me I am beautiful and all that I go back to the mirror and I am like ah those guys are just kidding so my self esteem wears off and on as in it sees on me at times it is up there at times when something triggers na routing it down like una pata whatever I do I will never appreciate me so now it was really hard for me to get over that that was not even was enough I get raped again just when I was trying to feel after how long? in form 4 I get raped again and this time I normally say it wasn't even in the car it was somewhere so filled that till today na shindango umtu alini angali aka una na ka na ka unezani degrade that much because there are some things you do in life they will always be there you try to get over them you try to get over them you try to be better to better yourself but you can't wear so right now after that nika katu my life ika kuasa sa nasa yoko shule and maybe let me take you back a little bit during the first rape case awa watu ali patikana no so it will be better too and that's why I didn't even bother the second time because I knew let me tell you one thing it really pisses me off polisi aki perekewa kesi ache kufuatili aki si kamaio does that person even put her mum her ma daughter, her ma sister in the shoes of that person who has come to complain because there are some cases if it was me it would be the last thing I'll do in this life to make sure such a person because when I hear it because of what they did to Mindafil either the government or my friends or people who cares there's someone who had my back sure but right now no complaining, no nothing like it's like you're not even human and then the same beast is in a pit so if you're angry what are you up to? what do you want now? actually you took the best part of me what else do you want? what else? now in this is another rape case still someone you knew no actually I was I don't know what's wrong because every time I was coming either from a studio it was that time I was coming to deliver I was coming from there's a movie I had written called Going Down River Road actually I had come from that meeting to deliver the script and then I came back on my way back home I was in a slim bag when I came back home I was in a slim bag and then normally I was rude to men so I tried to approach them I was rude so I didn't know it was a turn on to that idiot but I just followed because he could leave the traces so what do you do and what do you do there's nothing he can do until I knew where he wanted me to go because that place was that place was Magari but that's where Chukurawa was and Chokurawa was like it was filthy how many were there? 6 around 6 it was not hardly then I was trying to make sense out of everything not even God know and cares because I had made a covenant with God but then I was not I was not into all those stuffs so I was asking myself as in what I did to deserve that every time when I wake up that's what I I was asking myself because I needed some answers but there is no one who could answer me so I grew up with this a bitter person a revengeful he told me when you blow when you are 20 years old when you are 20 years old you are 20 years old but in this life the only person who can love me and never rape me or hurt me is my own blood so the people who used to follow me I need to choose one person for just one reason just to get pregnant so you just wanted to have a child? I have never I am not that person that person I have never you okay you find it on your way there actually I don't know how to beg a man like why should I beg you and you are the one who destroyed me so that time when I got pregnant actually I thought that's the start of good things happening to me but that was a big big lie I go to the hospital I went to the hospital another man came to me and told me I want to have a child and I won't say that hospital because I just wish God dealt with them from now on you don't know me I've never met you then you come in and I say I want to have a child for me I want to take it seriously because you don't know me and I have not done anything to you so you want money and you want to have a child so I relaxed day I went to the hospital I went to the hospital when I told them that I want to have a child not now, the nurses till today I have not planned what went wrong I want to have a child and I said I am feeling I want to have a child and I want to have a greenish trust you me I could feel my baby struggling I felt her taking her last breath there is nothing I could do as a mom and to me I was telling myself that's the only thing it can pejo in my life and then after that I want to tell them I think she is normal she is normal after a while she comes to me and says I want to have a child and then she goes to the desk and I told her all day a dead child I told her I had the best maternal heart beat so I want to have a child and then they do that because that's the only thing I could actually I did nothing I was not rude to anyone I was innocent it was from high school so I didn't know much and I was alone then after that a doctor from Kenyatta who was direct to where I was I told him excuse me why are you still here? I was in an emergency he said no but no one was to attend to me and I said have you been rude? I said no funny enough I am smiling even when I am hurting I find myself smiling so I didn't find any time I was rude to anyone I told him you know what? I will make sure I go to the theatre I will make sure I talk when I am alive that time I was begging for God to take me when I went there the whole theatre was closed the whole theatre was closed the whole theatre was green and I was very lucky because in a few minutes he was going to die so it was from the injection you said it had great substance I don't know I don't know I don't know who I offended because now it wasn't even about the child because if it was a child he would have told me so now it's me then when I heard that I said everything and I went off when I went off when I went on the road that was after I met the child today I don't know whether it was a prank maybe after I left I don't know because they never will listen to me they will say you are very young who does that and I didn't see the only picture I saw she was very pretty she was very brown that's the only picture I saw but the rest I didn't see after I met her she was gone she was gone so you also didn't have that chance what happened I never got access kabisa from there after I left no one answered me and it was September 29th I'll never forget that's when I left kuru di kwa mukave ni nilidito abitu ni kanda completely off till today's dream nili ndanga happy for some few minutes kus kuru di kwa li kua so sure I was dead ilo na mukave mefuniko then that lady doctor told me trust me you're not yet done with what God's on you to do and until that wezi nda maali but I was craving for death kwa mukave then waka ni kata tumbo remember I used to wear crop tops upo actually they don't know what they did to me una mukave tumbo umeka toa toka juhadi u kuchini then wame kushona ifi siyo ifi sayu kikata wezi una wame kata ifi wame ka uzi za blue red na green uzi zenezi kuazi nas mama ifi and after 8 days una tolewa then ni za uzi they are painful wezi nama wezi for anything ikiguzo nichungu kwen dakwarum na angaliawa toengine they are okay so the third day nika uzi za dr.imozia ampuna ni na skimchungu bado naawa na tembe na tulifanya siyes the same day timi ebi kuna kitini ilisa ulika na nina kakuna kitini ilisa ulika ina oza tu una kufa hee hee so me I could ushe feel yo wa rufu haiko leika could feel myself smelly me even from kwa wame kuika yo mentality kuna kitu ikondani nika ka haiponi nili kwa ni ende ku tolewa after 8 days but nili nda skuia tisa kwa pali nili nda nili ambiwa the muu na kanaazo the mozi na shkilia so it will be even more painful ku tolewa ikika si mi nika nda ku tolewa kwa nda ku tolewa the nas muu ni kwa nitoa nani toa kiliya kwa na toa ina tokana na nili za who did this to you trust you me I'm getting used to the pain aga ni ebi so wrong kwa alitoa ukichungulionu unandani ina toa damu naka ni ebi ya now I have to go back again wa nifani operation attishono sayo na jwa naski angati jiya dawa probabili wa niza kusaku ganisha kwa zbado ika kwa muli then nika kumbuka zile matazili ni mulika nika wami am good ni mumia dress mi ali ni dress na nika panda gari nika nda kwa njomba kwa njomba remember am asthmatic so the moka baridi kana yi gya the muu na una kohoa una kohoa ina raruka una ski ina toka ina toka tumaji damu ku nda ozi nili nda dawa ni mepoa ya pain ui anani ebi this is the best pain killer we have so kama this is not working this is nothing else we can do like nili kwa na feel pain ina toka kwa kwa kido ina kwa kichu wa na pass out but singa nda ene maali kwa I found myself just waking up after a while one day ni kwa mungu me actually am done with the pain and even am going through pain na singa nda ui so it's a done deal I didn't get what I want if you feel like the pain was into a bit yeah exactly and then ni kwa nangali atumbu angu na jambia this will never be my tummy again like completely one never so after that nisi jia ta by the god sayen yu me kasi rika na jibingi kus I can't tell you how it happened but nili nda kudresiwa ni kambu e me fungana yeah after all that lamentation and all that I guess a liona ni me fika muisho ika fungana after e me fungana ni kakaka I went back ni kafanya jobs angu and then after a while ni kajambia I just need to disappear for a while before ni rode then kuli kwa na historia venye mademo li kwa na tesuwa uko saudi uko nika sema ata ni nda gaza the stories zida kujaku sa idea maybe the government wakiona story wana eza find out eza kukumisha waseku nda uko I went to a certain agency and I signed actually I was going as an English teacher but when I got to saudi it was my signature but a different kind of job kufika uko I was a nani but ea Kenya ni me say ni kiwa an English teacher but is my signature that is still there so one thing nili juli is that these people can even they forge your signature because as long as it's your signature there's nothing you can do trust you me 9 months felt like 9 years remember kidonda zasa jusikuwa na lala umejipata place wa mechukua passport there hulali kidonda ikanzaku bleed from inside tumbo ikanzaku fura ikifura wana sema uko na ball na since they always tried repping you there like it's something adi those people are beast so nili umetoka kwa shetani inja shetani ukanda sa kudain nae visuri when I managed to run away kuku jauku kidonda ikatulia but I was telling God now I can't even tell whether it may because of the bleeding and the bleeding lucky enough kidonda tasi kuhenda scan tumbo ikarudisawa after that my mission of sealing my head I get pregnant again when I got pregnant when I got pregnant yonai kakua uzaipata na na shetani when you you don't know who to complain to because ono na vinyati chaliakone zambia one zambia mamake mamake na kwa mbia you even lucky akunawewe time na afiu so sharing is not a bad thing where? so you live with this guy now? actually I have never like shifted from my place nimutu anaji leta unonamtu kujas kumbili skutatu evo and then nini umbayaku na patangu za commissing amu na patangu yonaji kwae probabili leta mtu so nikanza kwa ambiwa niki muna kwa gana ropua lakini there's something you need to know so nini naji wa hatiangu miu you cannot hurt me as a man utahat the fact that I regret uta ni heartbreak so after that nika tokana nika tafta another place alone nika patangu sasa ilesies kuguzu ikaruditena so from there mtu ya kaguro pole pole sa zingine niko job zinginesko job but you can't complain until after some years almost four years I lost my grand my grand dad iyondyo sasa was iyondyo unaji when you think you'll never live then all of a sudden he's not there iyosa sasa ilini udisha square zero so from there the person I met I thought that person you replace my grand dad so for the first time I gave that person my heart that's the first relationship I invested my emotions so he was like the dad figure in your life but no one understood the reason why I was sticking by him everyone is against you but you're still there because I was telling myself for my grand dad left so the only person I know can never hurt me so when I got pregnant alafu mian nakuangana shida moza once I'm dating you atokun unafanyanini I'll never cheat unless it's over na mimi uta iskiyati atokyemboa story about me that's a lie nakuambianga the moment I feel I can cheat I'll leave you so you can never say that I cheated mitoia kanini time ilikuwa issue koz ukonam toi ukonaki donda then from now I'll never get someone who stood by me akachen so na juna nambi angwa mituwa nezakwambia but they never get someone mwenyanakwambia even if the whole world is against us as long as nakupenda that's a big lie because zile wituwa nambi o one day zita ingi a kwa maindi ake because he kept ignoring until one day naku patiyawadzu na jua naku judge through your past amavdru kenyem tu mingini amesema alafu di isa person that unatukano juyake but ukitoka wajava nyumefuni kiyavitu inji unaka you the bad person ukitoka ana kufuata no he became violent because ana try kujagul na zile wituwa nambi o one day ikaku wasusa lavi ake it's not love it's obsession ilem sead nakwambia if it's not me I'd rather kill you when I wanna onani jokes until sasa it became practical you know reminds me of someone mwenyal kwa na ni ambia actually someone in Instagram I posted something about whatever is going on and they were like it's hard for them to deal with a cheating partner for example a cheating partner and I was like if someone is cheating on you instead of it being hard on how you'll deal with it first of all live so now this guy is confused between whatever he's hearing and the fact that he loves you alafu anana pombendi yo solution alafu anzio wengi no ufichata bia mimi one thing I know there is nothing that you can't tell me ati if you are under the influence you know what you're doing so the fact that unanda kukunya ni ukuzi ati ufanya kitu uni danganya ni pombi that's bullshit because that's the real you unan kuzi unan zakuagiyu petty issues alafu one thing the man I left so remember that man I will never look for you no matter even if I'm dying now I notice wana ume wana penda sana kusumbu liwa aki anza kwenbi ati my ex ana ni sumbuwa somehow you furaishandi wafil they are significant or something because una patanga uki acha kum sumbuwa anata ftaweza kukutafuta because I wanted it's a kwa issue you can move on he started looking for me na nimi mi simiangu no the father of kwe first na ui simiangu aliki wana isina ati nikto ke apa even aliki wana pianata nambayangu myself ati kiwa namba haina password haina anything so now ana pata message na mi sita delete because ni memblock nambasote anata fta nambayangu ingini anata to ma text maharasi jui I just want to see the child ati neza sa idea and I'm like you are there and you did nothing right now you claim you can do it and they'll never he wasn't it's a trap so mi ni nika muliza suoli moja if I wanted anything to do with him unge kuna pata nikiyongi ana e sijai save na any number I don't talk to him I don't respond ame enda me kuza ati ame kunyo sija kumbe actually I get pregnant again no the third kabui and then kakazali waga kwa na konditionia skin that child ok I'm not saying ati na kabulem but na konditionia ke ilikua konditionia and very expensive to maintain na what was happening it's only you who knows what to do with your child but that is not concerned concernment ni kama kama kuna isu kama ame tu ukuna ati mi kuskiza inje kuskiza ame tu mwingine hao kus that I remember nikwa ni metoka usi kidonda ati na toa maji ni metoka tini story alie enda katu wacha then mtu anarudi sa nana usiku ame ulizi akuto kakabishite za koko nye unaishi from the blue ame kuza usiku just to prove that ukuna maunaume to his disappointment just me and them ati hadia na ulizi ati akuna mtu nikam uliza you think everyone is like the ones you meet me I don't depend on men so usidani ati ukitoka na tafta mtu story haiku ishia povenia li shuka do you know alie enda stories hau usiyo na wala watu na taftili makosa kikosa makosa and you approve a point alie ni nyonga ni kapasaut no this is the second guy after Meachan that was after four years now I hooked up with him and he is the dad to the those two kids nao nime pasaut chini na mtu hi ako fourth floor na kuna balcony taime nye akili angu atasi juangi ni nini li kuza kwa mindi angu ikani ambiya esa kuka moja kanaeza akaisi toka nikadogo bada kuka dem kako 2-3 years aneza toka ko balcony mulangoya balcony nene ngeza nga kichwa na means kichwa ikingia ni ivo nili kimbiana ki donda angu hadi kwa numbaku kufika hapo dioka na toa step kutoka inje apo ni nili anzaku sense apapana and then sae ni unaji ambi apana anzaku apologize yana nga kwa maeshta so use the opposite yana do you do another chance so ena rudi ana kwanza that's the most stupid thing ae keria koi yaku shindaa mta kia kufanya kitu na na life is a trick mona na rudi ana koma india kiyanajuwa as i loma to do anything I want to do because at the end ni kipigama goti Ata kusame hiya? Ata nisa me hiya Na oye nye ili ni break ni Uto me toka vizuri Yo good, yo in good terms Then kuru di Anarudi Mume kusana Then anango zewtoke Anafunga mulango Kufunga mulango anawasha moto Kidogu tu Kidogu tu Now this is the guy, the second guy Ya that's the guy Mume kusana Uyo tu liya Wakwanza to li Yo story li siya kitambu So me kusana mukarudiana Anafu anango zya Uto So now to tokarudiana So anomali tukanza Nye kawahida tu Then a day comes umeto kakunyan Amarafkizako Agakuza we have a small argument Unango zyan kutoka kumuagamaji Kwa balko nio never forget Then anafunga mulango And that day bahati Gas aiku anda nia nyumba Kuzmuse manga Iona ni koshu ingelipuakila kitu Eventu dene zaku perega koyo nyumba Niliambuani toke Watarinovet How did he do? Ali funga Alingya nakafunga mulango Nakawasha moto Ums, ako kadem Atoki kongelesha That's the only Umeto imo nye nasemanga Kana issues but Issues aiku zake nimekam kujua It's emotional because Anakanga iwa naniambia Mam, babahata choma Nilale Ali kujanga kali kujanga Kwa dirisha kakani ekele Kono evika naniambia Mam, babat choma I cried Use unalia umes mama Maindiako haifani Watu anapiganduru Uana gongamilango uko apo Like I couldn't move Kutoka apo Maindiango ili switch Nika shindanga usi Siji depression, siji bipole I couldn't I couldn't faction again as a normal person Kus the only thing iliuli za mungu These are my kids And I cannot Imagine giving birth again Ataki donde ijapona And now I have to watch them Burn and die Taime niwa li tolewa Alafu everyone was telling Mi enda polisi Bido na jua ushe yonawale watu Mimi Nili yonawato iwangunimawapata That's good enough Alafu na jua nikpeleke polisi Kwekesi you come with your backup As usual You always Ushe notice them and are losing it all the time Unless ni enda na ileka dia Mini dem Na idawon that will happen Na idawon Mitu aishinki kuwandani Alafu ni blamei wena familiar Actually I kept telling God You're the judge of everything that happens Because it's you who knows Everything that I go through Hulali lakini unatu kano Marame kuja na kisu Teza taima li enda na mtoto Nani hi kato hi kadem Ame beba mtoto My question is How safe is my child Marame wutanisha unonata Katiku na muatiliya Ilif kamahali I was just living Until nili Nili anzaku kana Kaka first born kaka ni ambiesku moja Ali patatuki Ali ni patan Yani ameni nyonga na nani konga Beli aako Nono jesasa unim kubo Ane elewa Ali ni ambia Afu kali mombia Siwacha wakasi rika Siwamba God na atafanya wakasi rika Wow Lemi let's talk about he day Wakati umetokaini So alikwa na takakuji choma kwenyumba na watoto Yei na watoto That's the thing I didn't get Because afterwards Ali Nima li chomeka But moto iliku inanku kambiliwa watoto Then na funguana Enda kwa balkoni Anewa chandani Are you serious? Then that's a person Anakwambi umesame e Ukiwa binadamu Do you really think you can forgive Or forget about that? Can you be safe around that kind of a person? Naturally Na sayo unambuwa wendi umbae You even ask Ula jwa watu aneza fanya You double doubt yourself Na sayo ma Maybe I haven't Maybe ni mimi So when my mind started Preaching things in my mind Nikauna Now I'm heading to losing my mind Na my kids need me But one day Jwa watu aneza manga As long as you're staying in someone That person can never rape you I was After now Alafu si sahau I've already gone five operations Ia mwisho kwanza ya Akakadogo Nili fanya operationu waka sema Tiwa na shuku Ile gozi ile ak panguza dhamu dani Ti mesawili kandani Na oniki donda wa ikua meshindoku Na nisha kwa zitu was Delicate wana sema Venya imesono wa rea scared Then again They come with a pep tokati wana faku rudisho Waka ni pelika scan ni kawne shuati Na onikana ikondani After three hours They took me back to theatre After that Hakuna kitua li pata So yo kidonda it was Yeni uliku na yangali ono Neneza tokana anytime Then after a while After the five incidents Ya Kus nili fukamahali Unaha mamtu wa nakuza kuapolojizi Na pretenda me change Na nzakushi pamoja Ya That day I remember the Funganga It was Ili kwa bade ake Halfu nili na mamu bia As in Venya skiamu liyango You know what I've gone through Like he's the last person Who'd want to put you in that condition Trust you mi ali Funga na kai kafungu wo Then ali kwanakunu A kavunja yo chupa Kani ambia Atani wa na jihue He raps me and I get pregnant Actually nili kahaivi Nika ambia mungu Sita fanya anything Kus mi atapins zi kwa sakuak Kwangu The doctors told me I'm CG fertile CG So you backfire I didn't do anything after a month I'm pregnant So yo kidonda I'm sure it's a easy hole Ata ilu na semanga God I knew it can't Kus it's painful Ina toa maji I was in pain Na amkasi Nili kwa kama muji Nkwa na kati Nisku ina isha Una lala Nika unatumbu mi nzaku akubwa Nika ambia mungu nao If this is my way of dying it's okay But at least you know Sita wai yenda nia boat muntuhi I gave you a promise I'll never abort So if you'll watch me die Jyaku beba ball Yene Oku me pangi Ya It's okay Kufikaivi 5 months Kumoza tu ni meka atuchi Ni nika nzaku stuchungu Nika semasta nda usi Sai kwa ambiwa Nini toa yama ni ambiwe bedrest Nani kona atui Iskui apili I couldn't do anything Nika nda home Nika nda usi Kwenda usi Daktari ku nda kuni angaliata Ilewa na kupimanga na mkonoa ikuru di Katoka yote Then nika nzaku feel like Maybe it was my fault That was God answering my question Kus mini kwa mambia I will never do abortion But I didn't know it would grow up Kwenda wana ni ambiwa It was 5 months It was heading to 6 months And I didn't even know It was that Nini gond kus Onajiwe onaka na daktaris Inaka wanga different So from there Kidonda ikaleta shida Since that time Inaka wanga issue Kukachini sana Uno mwana mkongo Kidonda inafura Inanza bleeding from inside Nika ambu ala zima Zini pikuwe picture Ziu nda through Menda kansi Izoma vitu How do you get bored So now I couldn't go through that Because right at that time I was handling so many things And remember my child Alikwana tumia dawa 7,000 every week The one with the skin condition Ya Nime jeribu dawa zingini Una pata inawakui kimoja Then the only one that works with him Niyo Wakanda kusimasi Jina muafek sub Internal organs But right now Nuna ukitumia yo dawa Anani ni Anakako much better Kana eza lala nasaina eza kacha Kuzingekwa kitambungeku There is no way I could leave him But right now at least Ukitumia dawa Kana eza kanam tu mwingine Ya So now Let me ask you After the rape case Now that was the end Of the story with the guy It wasn't the end Kozalishi ku Apologize But to me and my heart That was the end Kusniriona What matters in this life To me is my kids And as long as my kids Are in danger I'm in the wrong place So I told myself I don't care how long it will take For me to come out of this place But I'll find a way Alafu ni kapata These are the day Gmela ala Amela piloa meka kisu Jeanie Nekamu eza Una fine ni na kisu Mam Akunam tu adaku cha patena Daku protect Tintamu dunga na kisu That's when I realized As for me I'm mature enough to handle things But ina ende a uyo And they see They see And the problem is We ignore na jifanya we are strong but maybe I don't know everyone has their capacity of the pain you can take but for her child he or she is just a child Is something you mentioned to me about your first child because everything that happened to you ime ma effect in one or another Kame kuwa nga na mimi since the issues ime me petia ni kiwa ya nga kikiwa kaya nga so ya na kwa nga very emotionally attached na mimi right now 8 years old na safa from depression na pressure sayu kama kasi risha yeu nose bleed na yezi acha until wanzasasa kumambia kitumuzuri then na na pass out na it can take for a long time so yei yei hadrui nili yambu na adakta re prenyake prenyake mefkama ali hi cannot digest anything else right now ni membu nafa kumpe kufa nafa homeschooling kuz any ukimpe leka shule ako sa nena wa toi na toa io range na muna peta meza nose bleeding muna rudi square zero so the ones who have been talking to the kus kama kwa kakiwa na nini when I told you awa kumgele shawatu the ones who have been taking through counseling ya ali ni ambi ride nao yes na need kusoma but unless a fa ni homeschooling so at the ride now I am working on a way that that can happen for him kuz ime miss life ya ke kuz iwi ki ako shule so ni kambu usim rudi she kuz sasa aki rudi square zero kwa ni ni kuz ana kunyua nga dawa za depression na mu eki anga kwa ni ni kuz kuza kwanza ali anza kunyua za mam kwa ni mini mukon juo na ni eki anga dawa na mam biya pana so ni kambi wa ana kunyua asi juo ni dawa na kunyua daily na ya sasa yo dawa what it does ina fanya brain ya ke ya che kwa kusana ikwe sasa wana ni ambi ina taka ita fanya irudi ya mutoto so aki kunyua na lalanga nezalala even a holding no kimuita easy jis kia mi kambu a when he is like that acha relax ndi yo sasa ache kufkiri ya kamtum zima kuzi e kuza kwanza kiyu unge leshwa na na kansula ikwa mam biya ati muta saidi ya mam kuru disya pesa ake ya ni yae e unona wene a man will take care of you that's him mi kwanza unge ni uliza kiyua he used to take that ata ange ni mutu aki uliza lantloda kuzeku ni uliza na mam biya mama yuko then na kuza na ni ambi mam sukuena stress situ taomba God alafu then my kids love God they know suwishonia wana mukanga wana ni ambi a nichora e Jesus so normally he say they are where they are because of God iola biya onaku trust in him that's why normally always come through so maybe Kimberley this homeschooling you know you live alone with your kids how many? three how is it for you? not even go there because there is that picture kuna wene God upe mtu grace kusmi ya tani kikiya mahali people have another idea about me wene zenda na mutua saidi ke na mi niko saidi ka to them they think and I have to put that face because even for them I have to be that because right now your dawa yam toto I have to find a way in the party homeschooling he needs a laptop alafu you know how expensive it can get na dawa zake and alafu iso dawa zina ampe they keep eating dawa kuna kitu na fanya kumili ake na kikosa food afu na fruit na maji so you are supposed to be okay and now you come here you find that you are not working, you alone like it's been hell nile unasemanga nuki niliza how I do it mi na kwa mi atuni God na patanga at times wana duwa at times you can even go without unapata hauna food but akunam tuwaneza believe unapata hauna lipa rent but no one can even believe it like it's just too much na you'd rather even be going through that a lot na una issues our toy but right now I'm trying to ma dawa zao maintenance na sasa situation do you have any job so far so far what I'm doing I told you niki anza nili kwa mi to writing right now I actually I looked for a guy who's good in cameras and another one he's a director for me I write I do everything so what we've been doing your place because it's more of a deserted place I look for a crew what I do nikuwa fuza acting kwa fuza acting na dances na iso V2 so far to me shoot actually I'll send you the link it's one of the best movies we do it in kikuyu though I'm not that fluent kikuyu kiswa ili English if there are movies that can be sold anywhere so but the problem is now getting the access because right now we were trying to push to inoro or maisha magic but it's been hell you see the most important person should be you as long as you're not okay you can never be okay to someone else be okay for you then the right person will come because even now I normally say I won't close all the doors yet I won't open because I don't know the person I'm opening for right now I've given it a try and people are people have wicked ideas and thoughts so me I just pray that the young mums don't be desperate and don't think that a man can come to change your life because another issue unona iliki tu pina ina leta isi issuesote it's you as a lady unaka chini instead of you thinking of what you can do with your life unafkiri achani taf temu tu anisei deku change life yango nothing comes for free and another thing if someone comes in your life that person practically owns you so be like have something to offer so that even that person can respect you nijuata ki endaku reizm kono ya kia na jua I know because right now me I know a man can never raise a hand on me because I took it and I know the feeling so I would never wish even my worst enemy for that if a man raise a hand on you no that's not a man enough because a man enough will always have time to talk because you don't fight someone you know you're weaker than so if you can't talk to me raise a hand on me you're not a man so live as far as you can be and if you have kids lale ni injay kainibila kukula but don't stay somewhere thinking that that man will change a man can change to something worse but taking him back to a good person very hard it's a decision too now maybe it came back because you've told us you do script writing movie production things like that where how can people reach out to you maybe you also have someone who probably has a job offer for you and he's a pataji okay right now maybe I can give out my number it's okay you can reach me via 0745 141 128 0745 141 or 0728 72 7220 0728 7270 or else either there's even some movies we've uploaded you can check these are another YouTube channel by the name TeenWords TeenWords production TeenWords production it's from Nini Tinganga Kembu you can check the movies trailers kuna zaki tambo nili wapata nazo there are so many things we've done so ni ile atam ni kaitisha mubika 30 we have something we have a lot of scripts ready we have like we have a lot alright that's the story of Kilmagi and I hope anyone out there especially ladies you have learned something into kimbali thank you so much for that taking that bold step of living because that's what we are advising women when you kimbali to a mesema the red flag is not there for you to watch it's for you to take action and the action is to reports the matter and live do not stay in an environment that you are being abused physically, emotionally so thank you so much kimbali for sharing your story thank you for being strong for people out there inspiring people out there thank you for being strong for your kids thank you so much and everything will be okay thank you so much na sema si omuisho they still hope and we are praying with you we are praying for you and thank you thank you for having me and to anyone who has watched these videos in Tunisana at the time I've been a host Shiko Gitao on all platforms you can find us at spmbazke you can find me too at i underscore I'm Shiko Gitao