 Hahahahahahahahahahah Somejust Six of the mighty Michael fully actual podcast and let me tell you something right now. All right. Oh fucking hell No! What? Give me a feel. Give me a feel as you stand. Oh, look at that. Look at these behind. It looks... What about the people on Spotify, Matt? Are you going to just keep saying shit like that and not explain yourself? So... Michael looks weird. We all look weird. Oh, Bosley. I would have fucking kicked you so hard. Good boy. Good boy, Bosley. No. Not good boy. Yeah. Good boy. Michael's wearing like a diaper and it just, the behind looks horrible. Check it out, YouTube. Feels alright. Anyway, episode six, Matty and Michael, fully actual podcast, how the fuck's it going? Can't... Fuck yeah, brother. Fuck yeah, can't. Fuck yeah, brother. Oh, stop it. We're fucking into the season now. That's cherished cracking before our eyes. I don't like that. We saw it cracking at the end of last episode. So we did think ahead and we have ordered another chair, an emergency chair. Yeah, holy shit. Is it here? No, it's not here yet. What's the point of that? I got a backup backup chair. Oh, yeah. And we also have another backup chair. Just let me have a normal one if this one breaks. Matt, shut up. Come on, man. Yeah. Anyway, six episodes into the season were well and truly in now. Last week's episode didn't get demonetized. What do you guys think of the season so far? Why don't you tell us in the comments what you like and don't like and what you miss and what you really like about the season? Because we don't fucking know. Yeah, about a round of applause. All right. Give us a fucking clap. Can't. And even everyone at home, stand up. Stand up and give us a clap and give us a like and a subscribe and a five star review on Spotify. I noticed this week that we've gone from 1.7 to 1.8. Oh, wow. Five star reviews. Very good. So we can get to 2K, but I want to see if we can get to 2K. Dude, you're just going to be disappointed. No, because this week they sort of helped me out a bit. How nice. I'm so fucking scared. Take your laptop out with you. I was going to pick it up, but I'm too scared to move. Well, just be still. You hear that? It's thunder. It's thunder. Dad, man. Little bit of lightning. It's probably my chair. Anyway, we got a jam-packed episode. We're going to get Jackson on, but he turns out he's busy. So next week we got Locky. Yep. Hopefully Locky. Gottfried's going to come on. And this episode, yeah, we've got a really cool Who's the Better Brown? What do you mean? Oh, we've got a special occasion. I'm not a family member, is I? I'm just going to tell you. I don't know. It could be. His name's Jonathan Brown. Does that ring a bell to you? What the AFL player? You know who that is. Oh, shit, it's Jonathan Brown. You know AFL? I knew Jonathan Brown. You know he's a three-time premiership winner? I know who he is. There's no way Jonathan Brown has messaged in and be like, yeah, I was gone at Jonathan Brown. Anyway, a very special Who's the Better Brown? What else have we got? We've got Matt vs. Michael. We've got fucking Michael's movie review. Which movie are you reviewing? 300. Oh, 300. What else? I reckon we'll throw in a lie to Locky. Yeah, we'll get shit-talked out of the way and then we'll fucking jump straight into that. And we're going to lie to him. Do you want to do it now because you're a bit on edge about it? No, no, that's all right. We can do a little bit of shit-talk. That's fine. We filmed a video with Steve-o. It's out on the website now. We did some stunts for him and we got him to rate out of 10 what he thought of the stunts. It was a fucking dream come true, can't. Yeah, we did it. On the website now, go and have a fucking gieze. We couldn't post it on social media. You'll see why. There's a 21-day free trial, so you don't have to pay, you can just watch it and then just unsubscribe if you couldn't be fucking staying on. But I just want people to see it. And yeah, we can't. We should probably, we should post it to fucking, after a while, let's post it to fucking rumble or Twitter or something. Maybe, but like it won't, yeah, we can't do it on YouTube either. No way. YouTube would delete us immediately. But we've got a YouTube-sensitive version that leads up to us meeting Steve-o and then the performance, which is too fucked for social media, will be on the website. And that's a whole range of fucked up shit. Sorry. So, yeah, it's rough going at the moment for a like, fuck me, the hard shit. So again, last week, oh, sorry, a couple of days ago, we were on the 24-hour heart rate monitor. So hard to sleep with, so itchy all fucking night. And then like I did some intense cardio in the morning to try and get my heart to do that thing that it does. I don't know if it did or not. And then had the heart echo and then just, it's just been thing after thing. And then Esther, my step daughter, she has gastro. So she's been in hospital the last two nights. So it's just been sleepless night. It's just been thing after thing. And we haven't really been filming that much because we haven't had time. And I just keep getting fucking no energy. And it's just hard to try and be funny when there's just so much shit going on. It's just thing after thing, cunt. It has been jam-packed for you. Also, did she get morphine? No, they don't give fucking kids morphine. Well, maybe they do. I got morphine as a kid when I had a hearing infection. Yeah, it was probably kids doses made me what like I've really gone into drugs from. But like, yeah, that's dark. It's yeah, I'm just saying if you're a kid and you get morphine, it changes your life. No, they just like had to get a blood sugar up. So they just put an IV drip in her and stuff. And because she couldn't keep anything down. And like, yeah, it's just stressful because if I get this gastro right now, well, I've got all these high blood pressure shit going on again. I'm measuring it like a madman. I do like 10 readings in the morning and then like work out an average. It takes me like fucking half an hour to an hour of taking my blood pressure every day. And it's not that bad. It's really bad after I eat. It's it's like 140 over 80. I probably doesn't mean anything to you. It doesn't seem like I know it's like meant to be 120 over 60 over 80. One 20 like 20 more. Who cares? Well, that's what I mean. But it does shoot up after I eat like especially it's a bad related thing. Well, that's what it could be. Yeah, it could be something spiking my food. Could you have diabetes? No, they checked it could be like I'm intolerant to something. I don't know. But anyway, do you know what you should do that food test? Yeah, I should do that. Yeah, Michael did that and carrots are a no go for nectarines. Yeah, yeah. Well, so guys, it's been a flat one. That's chair has broken. Matt's chair is broken. He said flat that happened. Flat and flat, Matt Brown. Oh, my God. It's stuck into me. Perfect timing. There you go, guys. So a bit of bad news and a bit of good news. Man, that was Croatian. You were just from Croatia for a bit. Can you help me? I'll go get a new chair. Poe, why are we helping you, Matt? Fuck that. Oh, fuck, that was good. Oh, it's stuck right into my mouth. Matt's chair is broken. We need to get him a new one. But yeah, we haven't been filming that much, but we're still getting some vids in the bank. But hopefully next week, after I get the results, it's back to fucking normal around here. And we start pumping out and we get back to high energy and fun loving, man, because I'm fucking sick of it. It's been a month of just nothing but worrying about health shit. It's not exciting. I get to cut your hair. I can't sit on that. He's never going to fit on that. Dude, I'm not going to be able to fit in that. Just have a go, Matt. Just have a fucking go. I'm going to have a go. Who is your sense of spirit? I can. I think a Michael can sit on it. Yeah, but you're a fucking... He rocks an everything. Sorry, I was about to get personal. Let me go. Come on. What were you going to say? Nothing. If he gets in or it might be on in person for permanently, I don't think there'll be any getting out of it. So... My dick won't fit. I'll put a pillow there for you. Hang on. Yeah, my dick won't go. All right, we'll just sit on the back of it. I can't. Try and figure something out. This is stupid. Oh, I've got it. Yeah. That's a massive dick. So for those wondering on Spotify, we've got a little tiny plastic rocking horse frame, but it's too small for him. So Michael's turned it on its side and now Matt's sitting on it. And he said it's very comfortable. We have a very good... You keep sending in your chair suggestions. Guys, there's been some absolute rippers. Let's do some sponsors, eh? All right, I'll do the sponsor. Which one? Do you want to do AG1 or would you like to do Manscaped? We can all do AG1, I think. OK, yeah, look. I just had it before. I did too. Oh, my God. I had no energy and I was thinking about having a mother. I was like, no, I want to be healthy. And then instant energy boost. I'm not guilty. I don't feel bad for what I did. No sugar in me. It's just health with wealth. I must say it's one of the good things that I go to, especially when I'm feeling a bit shit. And it immediately, it's gentle on the stomach and I've got the beginnings of gastro, I reckon. I've had two liquid shits today and I feel flat as fuck and haven't slept properly. Bit of fucking AG1. Peps me right up, you fucking cunt. He didn't have any. That's why. That's why. That's why you were like that. If you had had AG1, the chair wouldn't have broke. There's 75 vital nutrients in there to help you if you're lacking in shit. And people are lacking in shit. They don't even fuck know about cunt. So I have some AG1. Now, I did see a comment someone said, oh, it says $98, but then I got charged 140. It's probably $98 USD. So it's about 140 a month, but it's a daily thing you have, right? And it's fucking healthy for you. It's like having your veggies every day. So like there's probably people that have never had veggies. It helps you live longer. Those people that are having it, write in the comments what you think of the flavor because I don't fucking mind it at all considering how fucking healthy it is. Matt, it's the healthiest thing you ever have. Have you been having it? Yeah. Are you being honest? Yeah. Promise? There you go, guys. Even Matt Brown has AG1. That's how tolerable it is. So go to athleticgreenslashfullyactual and you'll get a free travel pack, which means you get one of them scoops and you can have shit on the go. You don't even need the little satchels. All right, so just have a look at it. Trust me, it's fucking healthy. It's seriously, we all have it here now every day. Even our editors are into it now. It's good shit. I have it twice, sometimes three. Yeah, depending on how busy and fucked we are. Three times a day. Once, I still recommend a dose. I think it's meant to be one a day, but if you're down, when I wake up before gym and then in the afternoon, it's not protein powder. Yeah, I meant to have protein one today. Yeah. Yeah, it's just really, really, I just get an energy kick. It's like having an energy. It's not getting sucked off by a prostitute on meth, can't, oh yeah, okay. That's exactly what it's like and I'm pretty sure that's their mission statement. Oh, okay. Maybe. Athletic greens slash fully actual, go and get your head sucked off health-wise. Oh, I'm all itchy. There's a link in the description, everyone. Go and have a look, all right? Click on it and go and have a fucking look. It's the only reason we can do this. Yeah, one of, oh, a website's probably the main. So, Edgy1 won't be taking that credit, thank you. So. So yeah. How are you, mate? Yeah. Have you really got on the tip of gastro? I don't know. I feel really shit today. Okay. So yeah. And of course, our other sponsor, which will be led by Michael today because you don't really have any energy right now. All right. So basically, let me put it this way. You're a man and you're hairy. You buy this, you use it, you are now non-hairy. What? That's crazy results. If you do this, you will be cleaner, clearer and cleaner. The three C's? That's unbelievable. Tell us more. You can do this and you'll be able to have confidence, cake and confidence. That's three, that's another, that's six C's now. That's three K's. That's triple K's. Three K's. Three K's, that's not at all racist. Back to back, three P's. Also, if you have... Manscaped won't mind having KKK in there and read. No, it's like Kmart or something. Yeah, I get it. Okay. You can buy normal shavers, but they're shit. All right? They always break, they rust and they're not rad, like manscaped. Because you can use them in water, can't you? Yeah. In your shower, I do it. All right. You know how hard, okay. I'm going to be honest with you. Before I had manscaped, I never shaved. And I'd have these wiry, they go yellow, my pears. They get like white at the end. I think it's all like the skin at the base. No, it's crabs. Different texture. I had like this weird rash disease where I could scrape, because I never washed there. I could scrape like this weird dust scab shit off at the bottom. STDs. No, it wasn't. It wasn't an STD because I got checked. It's just not cleaning. So like, when you have this, it makes it easier because you can still cut it when it gets to that stage, but you can just every day in the shower. Have a scrape. Just scrape with it. And then it goes over your balls. So all you dirty cunts out there with fucking skin hanging off your unwashed ball sacks, go to manscaped.com slash fully actual, and use our discount code fully actual 20 to get 20% off, man. I love the little light that is on it because you can see where you're going. Like it makes the path clear. Yeah, that's so true. That's honestly a great point. It's a smallest little like detail. Yeah, detail, but it's sci-fi new tech age. That's well said, man. It's also for women too. And those women with hairy breasts. Yeah, yeah. Give those breasts a shave. There's weird tits that have like, yeah, hair on them. Very unlikely to nick your nipples if you're shaving your breasts as a woman. And like for the old ladies. How's that going? He's uncomfortable on his chair thing. So shit. Manscaped, fully actual 20 for 20% off. Go there and have a look at the shit. There's a link in the description. Go and have a fucking look. There's bees, knees, can't. I'll be back next week for those who don't. Did you shit? Not yet. Oh, man. Fucking hell, I'm so thrown off that that prank all in work now. It's all right. We can just fucking literally just do I don't find feeling Randy at a massage parlor. What about we call prank or corner? Yeah. Prank or corner and say something like, we're being sued for the editing of the podcast. What about, yeah, we say we are being sued. We're being sued for- Oh, no, what if we tell him like, I'll just be like, oh, look, the podcast isn't going very well this season. I think we're going to have to like, can it. I'm thinking he can. Oh, we lost our channel. I'm thinking that he can. He's like, fuck, he just knows now because he's editing it. But we would have called him. Should we say we've lost our channel like it's been deleted? No, no, no. We're saying that let's do something about allies. We could say we've had we've got two strikes now and then we're going to have to fucking hold off from posting. Well, should we say allies is going to- This is more of a lying segment now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. All right, let's get the horoscopes out of the way, eh? This fucking pink thing sucks. Can you press the horoscopes button? Which one is it again? Red. Scopes. So this is a segment where I get compile all the most expert horoscopians information together and deliver the horoscopes for Michael's horoscope, Julian's horoscope and Matt just tells me what he did on the weekend. Can you just read me my horoscope? Well, Matt, this is what it's turned into. Your dad fucked it by fucking twist and all the horoscopes fucking up, remember? Don't fucking fuck me up. Yeah, and you've got to save Quelch. People want to know what Pisces. Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying. This is taken over in an entire horoscope sign. I reckon even the victims that you do have, they are all Pisces. You're making me out to be a serial killer. Matt, okay. I'm clearly not that. Yeah, look at the way you dressed, okay? All right, Taurus. As the cosmic energy of two raped sons screams across our galaxy, your scrot rot will fester and bleed into your nappy. Try and stay away from sexy animals as the perverted side of your personality will shine through over the next few days. Your family is dead. Fucking hell. Dude, that's like weird-ass spot on that is you're wearing a nappy. Fuck it, they are right. And your scrot rot that you just spoke about on Manscaped. And they're the right where it's W-R-I-T-E. They're right. Scrot rot, you just spoke about that. Yeah, yeah. So that's how accurate that fucking horoscope is. Dude, I'm not even kidding about that. I had this weird for, anyway. It was weird. Yeah, yeah, look, well, horoscope picked it up. And it's this shit. All right, Juliens, here we go. I forget what Juliens is. It's like fucking a dead rat or something. Solar winds will flare up your herpes. They get your roots in before Thursday. There's a dead cat rotten in your garage. So park on the streets for a bit. Mars walked in on the moon, wanking, which means you might never win a quino at the local RSL. Tell your mum you think about fucking blokes but then deny it immediately after. Saturn's a fucking pussycarnal fucking fuck that dog. All right, Julien. There's always a bit of like homoerotic-ness, yeah. Ever since he came back from Thailand. Oh, I think it was Bali, but yeah. It's the same country. Same place. Exactly the same country. It's just different like dialects of how you say, pronounce the name. All right, Matt's horoscope that he sent me. All right, are you right, Matt? Can I read? Yeah, like, you keep being ruckus and it's pissing me off. Sorry. I think I found the groove. Okay, you good? All right, let's hear what you've done. All right? All right, here we go. I was sitting in the food court and joined some thick chicken wings with gravy and mash. I gobbled down the chicken skin and eagerly sucked the juice off my swollen fingers. Delicious. My keen sight picked up movement in the distance. I watched the female toilet door open and a sweaty, morbidly obese lady waddled out. She was holding her ass and her face had an expression of shock and extreme pain. This indicated to me that the shit she had just done in there was nothing short of violent. I had to get a whiff. One last mouthful of mash and then I discarded my chicken carcass in the closest bin. Luckily for me, the men's toilet was right next to the female toilet. I urgently walked over and while no one was watching, I ducked into the female toilet. I opened the door and to my horror, another lady was there washing her hands. Our eyes met and I noticed her glanced down my shirt at the large grease stains I had just picked up with my lunch. I had to think quickly. Uh, I, uh, I'm a woman. The lady looked confused and scared. I mean, I identify as a woman. So I used the woman's toilet. Her face softened. She believed me. Good on you, she smiled at me. I can't believe that worked. What a dumb bitch. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I thought to myself, as I said it, sniffing the air impatiently. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I had to locate the toilet that the monstrous lady had just used. There were three toilet stalls, two of which were unoccupied. I pushed the door of the first stall open stuck my head in. I inhaled as deeply as I could. Nothing but a bit of piss sling it in the air. I moved to the second stall and before I even opened the door I am smashed in the face by what can only be described as the most intense smell I have ever experienced. It smelled of dark deep gut rot, burnt pus with fear, with hints of hot unwashed yeast slit. The smell fills my lungs and my skin oozed with cream. I spat and kept the door open and closed the door behind me. Oh my god. I nearly passed out as the scent contains barely any oxygen. Just pure scent. My hand shoots down my pants and I'm being squeezing my little brown. I bend down and open the toilet lid. My eyes bulge out of my head when I see that there are huge thick skid marks caked up the entire bowl of the toilet. I drop to my knees and as I continue milking myself I put my head inside the toilet bowl and inhale once more. I can't handle it. The smell saturates my shaking body and I lose control. Euphoria floods my system and tears spit from my eyes. I'm so hard it hurts and my hands are blur as I pleasure myself in a frenzy. What is that? I don't know run. I hear the women outside the toilet panic and sprint out. I lean right in so my nose is one centimetre away from the skid marks and inhale one last time. I black out. When I come to my mints is plastered all over the toilet stall and the toilet itself is smashed into pieces. I must have lost myself. Feeling a little ashamed, I quietly get up and leave the toilet. Once outside I see the women that were in the toilet with me. They were crying and shaking and speaking to security. I turn and bound backwards home. What a treat. Oh man, I already got a shit send at the end. What a dumb bitch. Don't look at me like that. Let's get a little concerning man. I feel like you're a drug addict. Just getting close to relapsing. That's what it feels like to me and I'm worried. Oh wow, that's cute. You better barrier. Better barrier. Anyway, what's next? Rebellio. Let's do, what's the time? Holy shit man, that was intense. Yeah, that was fucking walled, can't, all right let's do Matt vs. Michael and then we'll do Who's the Better Brown. Would you care to play the Matt vs. Michael song? Matt vs. Michael, it's Matt vs. Michael, it's Matt vs. Michael today. Matt vs. Michael, it's Matt vs. Michael, it's Matt vs. Michael today. Yay! Come, come, come have fun, come, come, come, oh, who wants to come, come have fun, come have fun, come have fun today Bottle of cum Where you going? Alright, sorry about that, I'll wait for Michael to see you back down Brown, brown, have, have, brown, have, have, brown today Oh man, that was fucking good, that story Thank you What you did on the weekend Very, very proud of you, Brown Go back, alright For today's Matt vs Michael, it's 3-2 to Michael overall And they are fighting for the most precious, valuable liquid ever stored in a bottle Right here we have Matt's mints, and the winner of this competition will get to keep it and do with it whatever they please So there's a lot up for grabs, and today's competition is Who can take the longest money shot I knew, I knew as soon as you said Where's the deer And I was like, bet you he's gonna fucking make it So we get aerosol fucking diseases I don't get it How bad this shit is for you How you gonna do it So, I will start spraying it into your face and I will start the timer at the same time When you lift your right hand, I will stop spraying and I will stop the timer And that is your time, you have to try and beat each other's time And that will, whoever has the longest time will indicate who can take the biggest money shot on their face On their face Where I come from, money shot Oh, we could light a Julian Hey dude, what's up Oh, are you sick? Yeah dude, it's not fucking good Oh really? Esa has gastro, so I'm pretty sure I'm getting it too Oh fuck, no good, I was calling to see if we were filming tomorrow Yeah, I think I'm gonna have to go to the fucking hospital at this rate Oh really? Yeah, Esa went to hospital and um, yeah fuck, I just can't keep anything down Oh true, so it's just like vomiting and diarrhea and stuff Yeah Fuck, that's no good bro I'm lying to you, can't you know on the podcast Fucking jots you Fucking idiot You fool Fucking cunt Go back to buying Damn it, I was about to start drinking beer I'm thinking that we didn't have to film tomorrow No, we're gonna try and get one done Alright, where were we? Ah yes, the money shot straight to the face Who would like to go first? I recommend holding your breath This is basically a breath holding competition Are you allowed to cover your nose? No Good Cause I had a feeling Michael was gonna do that I will win this Alright, here we go Michael, as well as You can't stand to close Matt, because you're losing, you get to choose Scissors paper rock No, Michael goes first, he's winning Scissors paper rock I wanna know what I gotta be Alright Matt, you will receive the first money shot This shit is honestly, this will give you fucking cancer No It can So as soon as you raise your right hand, I will stop You understand? In three, you must face the deodorant Two One That's five seconds It's a big load A big hot stinky load Yeah, that's it, 15 seconds there, Brown That's a massive load A huge basketball team They're all finishing Wow, this is a very good effort Fuckin' Elma, you didn't raise your hand up You didn't raise your hand I didn't know you were trying to breathe No, I was trying to keep going 30 seconds is pretty good, dude That's fucked I'm fucked, okay Okay, I'm ready for mine Alright, Matt got 30 seconds and 79 microseconds That's a massive load That's a big money shot Oh my god, yeah What's the score in fucking fuckins? It's 3-2 to you Alright, fuck that, I'm pulling out on this one Alright, here we go Ready And go He can win He can win Are you stopping? Are you stopping? Fuck, Michael Two seconds I'm fucking healthy, it's more important I'm gonna win in the end Oh my god, Matt, you won Matt won We should have made Michael go first That's bullshit, right? That's why I was playing I just wanted to make him do that You were breathing while I was doing it That's fucked Man, it's fucked the room now And also Wow, what a It's 3-all What a strong segment It is 3-all, Matt's won the last 3 in a row This is fucking crazy, man That's okay, I can, I want you to come back This is fucking crazy, bro Make sure that I win from now on That, that challenge is my weakness Because you know how scared I am of deodorant It's gonna be deodorant cans every episode now Alright, let me quickly Alright, alright guys, let's move on To a very special Who's the Better Brown Very, very special Now I'm gonna use my brain after a bit Yeah You've just gotten fucking minerals Oh, it's in the air, isn't it? Yeah, it's fucking phosphate Phosphate, back to fule cle Should I wash my face, isn't it? No, it's good Alright, can you press the button for Who's the Better Brown? We don't have one, do we? We don't have one Sorry Alright, guys It's time for Who is the Better Brown Where we contact Browns from all around the world And we call them And we ask them a series of Brown-themed trivia questions Whoever gets more right Not only gets money But is the better Brown Which is far more important than money We're up to $600 tonight, man Holy shit Yeah, exactly What happened? How does Brown get it If he for Cologne gets without If he gets to $2,000 It's so hard Yeah But he's got all season And he's a clever, clever Brown Alright Oh, not if it's AFL questions No, these aren't It's always Brown-related Alright, guys There we go, we're going to call Jonathan Brown As if it's Jonathan Brown It's going to be so funny if that's true Hello Hello, is this Mr. Jonathan Brown? It is How I am at You're on the Marty and Michael Fully Actual Podcast And we've got you here With our very own Brown The Matthew Brown How are you, mate? Some Matthew Brown brother Well, mate, it could be We don't know There are so many Browns That's why we started this segment Because we want to find out Who the very best Brown is Out of them all He could be a long-lost brother of mine Yeah, well, we've had your dad and sister on Just coincidentally So you guys could be related But as long as we're better than that Black that's just been put in jail The old American rapper Oh, yeah All right We're going to get into these trivia questions Jon, so the $600 It's jackpotted to $600 this week, Jon So if you win this Not only do you win $600 You also win the very prestigious Better Brown Award, all right? Yeah, I love it I'll learn a horse run on that Well, there you go All right Question number one Which song has more streams on YouTube? Is it Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison Or is it Charlie Brown by Coldplay Matt, old friend Franny All right, yeah, you go, Jon Yeah, yeah How are you doing this? You go first, Jon You go first, Jon You're the guest You get to go first It has to be What was the last one, Charlie? Charlie Brown by Coldplay Or Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison I think it's Brown Eyed Girl waiting the night Well, we've got a few And we get to Yeah I think so, I'm going to say Brown Eyed Girl All right, Brown Eyed Girl What do you reckon, Matt? I think Jonathan has gone with his heart And not with his head I think it's Coldplay All right, the answer Is Charlie Brown by Coldplay With 158 million streams That's fucking insane All right, one more to Matt One more to Matt Fucking hell, all right, here we go Question number two We'll throw it to you first, Jon What is a Brown Cafe in Amsterdam? Is it A, a breakfast bar that serves chocolate patisseries? Is it B, an English-style pub? Or C, a fast food chain? Brown Cafe I'm going to have to go with the first answer A breakfast bar Was it a breakfast club? A breakfast bar that serves chocolate patisseries Yes, I'm going to go with that answer I'm going to go with a English-style cafe English-style pub? Oh, a pub, what have you said? English-style All right, the answer Is fucking English-style pub I definitely would have thought a breakfast bar as well, because we've been to those cafes Yeah, it sounds like brown chocolate It's the same thing Isn't that the weed? That is called coffee shop cafes or some shit Why is it called a brown cafe? I don't know, you browns You browns of marks of the world in the weirdest way There's brown shit going on everywhere Anyway So there's going to have to be a three Yeah, you're going to have to get all these to beat in All right, here we go It's a comeback All right, question number three British fragrance company Malton Brown was founded in which year I'll take the closest answer 1963 has just popped into my head It was like that All right, 1963, Matt I'm going to go 1950 1950, all right, the answer It's 1971, John's comeback Here we go We've got a match All right, two, one now It's coming back All right, here we go Question number four So you're going to come back to the idea Popular cartoon character Charlie Brown wears a collared shirt that is which color? I'll throw it to you first, Matt Me? Yes, you I'm going to watch that Any time now, Matt I'm going to go black All right, black All right, John, what do you reckon? I'm Tio, I'm not I'm going to go with brown That's a clever answer But the answer is yellow You're both right It's still two one, two one All right, still tight You can go to it Yeah, if you get this It goes to a tire breaker All right Question number five Aunty Donna's sketch Morning Brown has how many views on YouTube? Matt will throw it to you first What's Morning Brown about again? Coffee Yeah, it's a comedy sketch about coffee I'm going to go 3.1 million 3.1 million is Matt's guess All right, John, what do you reckon? Jesus Jesus You boys would do You boys would do 3.1 million And then Aunty Donna's got you all covered I would have thought I'm going to say 8.9 million Actually, no I only need to cover 3.1 million So I only need to be high, don't I? I'm going to say 4 million The answer Oh, shit Is 1 million and 90,000 views Matt is Matt, he's done it again That's four in a row, Matt You're fucking sick, Brown You're fucking Brown, Brown, dude Morning Brown, morning Brown Have you had your morning Brown? He's fucking got it Unlucky, John He's fucking on song lately I'm sorry, John I get it I feel sad when I win It's gone to $800 for next week Yeah, that's $800 now next week That's very good So do you win anything, Mattie? Or are you just still for the love of it? Matt Just for the humiliation of us Matt Just the love If Matt can get it to $2,000 He wins the two grand Oh, he'll love it He's got to win ten in a row It's very tough for him But, Johnny So what's going on, mate? Since you've finished footy I've seen you on a few footy shows Now the season's about to kick back off What else are you up to? We're back into it I've just retired from Brecci Radio For November for seven years With champagne and crispy swan Yeah And just retired now To take the kids to school In the morning I don't know what's fucking worse Put them up with pang and crispy swan Or try to get your 13-year-old daughter Out the door after she's killed The lashes for half an hour Give me back to a 4 AM alarm clock He's driving me mad So, hey Spending time with your family Is overrated, boys So don't worry about it I'll let my misses know Yeah, fuck, now I'm not going to have kids Now you know what? Tom Brady, when he retired last year And he's married to a supermodel But he has got three kids He un-retired after 40 days Couldn't have bring to do it Couldn't have first off So what's the... Well, we're going to have to come up with something to do What's the next thing? Absolutely Well, we're doing the podcast at the moment, boys We'd love to be as big as you guys I do podcasts with Campbell Brown For the Hawthorne Gold Coast legend I'm not sure he'd remember his performances At the Gold Coast, but he absolutely Peelies that club with the paycheck Didn't do a lot on the field But he was an Hawthorne premium supplier And that's how we do that It's about footy, but general stuff Having plenty of fun, so... So what's that podcast called? Brownies podcast That's fucking awesome We're going to have to get Matt on As a special guest We just have three Browns On the same podcast Browns on the podcast There'll probably be an improvement, boys Don't worry about that So we have plenty of... We do that twice a week And keep these updated during the footy season Always sorts of things And following the mighty Brisbane Lions So we're excited about the footy this year So it's been 20 years Since we won a premium shoot You left It all sort of went downhill, didn't it? You've got to go back You might have to come out of retirement Like Tom Brady Yes, absolutely Since it's been in common with the family But it's been 20 years I caught up with all the boys We had a 20-year premium ship reunion This year Or just gone And Jesus, it was a big few hours I feel the boys have put on a bit of light I can still do it on handstands He's still cheating at golf, I think All those sorts of things But it was good to catch up with the boys But I reckon it's time for the new crop to move in To win their own premium ship Yeah, fuck it, man Well, I hope so It's been a bloody long... I didn't even realise it was that long But yeah, it's been 20 years Fucking hell Getting a bit long Getting a bit long on the tooth now But yeah, no So we got that We're still in Melbourne As I said, we've got the kids And cracking into footy seasons Apart from that, boys, not a hell of a lot else going on Not at all Well, fuck, mate Well, cheers for coming on And participating And there you go, everyone If you want to follow Brownie Doing his footy podcast What is it? Brownie's Boys On Spotify, YouTube And all your podcast streaming platforms Give him a gaze, guys That's right Brownie's podcast It'll be a good list We'll have a bit of fun And we'll get the great Matt Brown On at some stage Just to get a few more listeners in 100%, mate Get him on I appreciate that Power of the Brown Power of the Browns All right, mate We'll let you go But thanks again, mate And we'll chat soon, eh? Good on you, mate It's great talking to you All the best See you mate Catch you Bye Holy shit John Brown What did you know? How did you get Jonathan Brown? Pretty crazy What do you mean, man? It's just a Brown Man, I remember when... There's no way Jonathan Brown Just go there Oh, there we go We were fucking at high school Dude, I'm a boy I used to always talk about it I'd go to the games And I'd get there early To see him rock up And I'd be like, be my dad Be my dad I remember watching the footy With him You'd always be like That's Jonathan Brown I just love him Because he was a huge den He'd just bowl people over And he was always Just such a psycho He'd fucking He'd just fucking Because you... Like, AFL is scary If you're sprinting for the ball You're looking up And you don't know If there's some cunt sprinting At you in the other direction So Brown, he was literally known For fucking just sprinting As fast as he could And he would get fucking hammered Man, it was good to watch You'd feel safe with him In a room with heaps of priests Yeah, 100% He would protect you 100% He would, he'd be a protector Yeah Yeah There you go Jonathan Brown That's so crazy You beat Jonathan Brown, dude Jonathan Brown Who's the better Brown? That's crazy That is fucking crazy Jonathan Brown Oh, fucking hell Alright, let's fucking move along And fucking lie to some cunt cunt Yeah, so Connor Here we go Sorry, mate Let's lie to Connor You'll be editing this right now And you're gonna see that we got you Alright, so I'm gonna call Connor And I'm gonna say Hey, mate We've literally just had 3 strikes in the last 12 hours We're gonna have to They're going through all our old podcasts Yeah, we're gonna have to Stop the podcast for a bit On fucking For Klayla Kluflia Klayla Schnil Yeah Yeah, I guess that Alright That's that And a last quitting crack-a-mo Yeah, why? Hey, dude, how are you? You got a second? Oh, yeah, yeah, hey How are you? Oh, man A bit distressed, to be honest We've had two fucking podcasts From season one Removed in the last 12 hours And we're on two strikes now So we're just fucking I've just got Michael Putting all the videos on private Can they still delete them If they're on private, you know? I don't think so I don't When we got our little strike I put them all on private Knock them away Yeah, well, I think we'll do it And yeah, I was talking to Michael today I think we're gonna have to Like just Like, we're just gonna have to wait a month Because we can't post for a month now, obviously And yeah, we're just gonna have to reign it right in Because this is just unsustainable We're gonna get fucking It's just gonna get deleted And all our hard work's gonna You wanna reign it in Well, you know what I mean Like with the things that we say Like we can't fucking Like Matt's black book and shit Imagine if someone manually listening to that Of course they're gonna fucking delete that shit So I think it's fucking What are you gonna do? Like private all the old ab? I don't know Well, yeah, to start with And then when we come back in like a month or so We're just gonna have to be like really Really like, well not family friendly, obviously But just far less No sexual shit and just I don't know, man Like a fuck, what do you do? I'm gonna try and jump on rumble or something But like We're gonna have like fucking ten listens Yeah, I mean like Hopefully People just go there, right Because the majority of the people watching are On Spotify Yeah Well, yeah Dude, I just got so fucking high And now you're telling me all this Yeah, I'm so sorry, dude I was just calling to let you know like Obviously there's not gonna be a podcast To edit for the next month For the next month Is that how long the strike is? If you get two strikes Yeah, you can't post for a month No fucking way Yeah, no dude So like I literally don't know what we're gonna do now Why don't you upload like for The next month up to fucking rumble, mate Yeah, yes, yeah, possibly And then like release them all When the strike's up Yeah, I wanna try and like Just get a bit of an audience over there first And then, cause otherwise, yeah God, we've just sunk so much money In this fucking podcast And now this shit's happening I fucking called it How many strikes Like what, so two today in one day Two in one day One when I woke up And then got another one Like a couple of hours ago So we've just been fucking panicking Thinking like if we could Literally get another one right now And there's a channel gone This, is this your, are you having me on? Yeah Yes, we're lying to you, Connor We're lying to you That's very rude Okay Oh, my conny-conna You believed it for a bit, idiot Have an ice cream Have a twister Have an ice cream Have a magnum Have an ice cream What the fuck That's a weird insult, Michael A magnum A magnum That's a good little hot stopper there for a bit I'm so glad you just had weird You would have been fucking so wiggy now Oh, dude, that's unkind The only time this fucking podcast hasn't gone Is when I'm unbelievably faked Have you been harry potting? No, man, fuck that shit I'm out of that I've left it behind Did you finish it? It's gone No, didn't finish it Got over it Yeah, it's just not for me It's a little too much Okay, good I got half an hour in and turned it off, conny Oh, did you really? You stopped playing as well You got half way through to just Half an hour into the game And I was like, this is shit And I turned it off Yeah, so shit So I went back to Fortnite I'd need like two weeks of nothing to do And just weed, weed, weed Yeah, are you guys still sober? Yeah, day 52, baby Oh, holy shit Me too, actually Day 52 for me Unhealthy than ever Unhealthier Well, yeah, fucking health scares Left, right and center But anyway, we'll No, you're okay You'll be fine We'll push that to the back of our minds for now I miss you, Connor Yeah, just very, very deep I miss you too, man I'll let you guys Thanks for fucking with me Appreciate it so much That's awesome Right, it was over We're Jonathan Brown on You don't know who Jonathan Brown on Who Jonathan Brown is, do you? No, who's that? He's a... He used to be a really massive Big football player And he was on for Who's the Better Brown It was very funny Anyway, dude We'll fucking let you go We'll fucking let you go And suck down some bongs And you fucking have a bong And you think of us, cunt Sorry Thank you so much, fellas Sorry about that Sorry, sorry Have an ice cream, too, mate Sorry Have an ice cream Sorry about that Sorry Sorry Sorry It kind of... Like he was believing it, bro So we'll take you As long as you stress him out Then that's the point of a lie The goal is achieved You make someone uncomfortable Yeah, baby We want everyone to be uncomfortable And really not avoid... Want to avoid our cause Anxiety is key We want people to not want to be around us Mental illness, low I'm getting there No No, not really Sometimes No Sorry All right, guys Looks like we're going to move right along Hey Let's do a little bit Q&A Q&A, how long have we been going for? You fucking pig cunt One hour Just clicked over That's a fake client Is this a shit episode? I don't know Anyway All right, Q&A We're going to answer some of your questions If you want us to answer your question Comment on the Marty and Michael Fully Actual YouTube channel We answer the most liked questions first So after you've commented your question Have a scroll through and like The other questions that you want us to answer Can't... Yeah Why you're out of fucking Subscribe And five star review on Spotify Quickly do it now It only takes a second All you got to do on Spotify Is scroll to the very top Of our... Marty and Michael Fully Actual And you scroll to the very top And then you click on the star button And then you go five star rate show Yeah Please do it Sorry All right, Brown What do you got for us, cunt? Let's fucking hear you slag bitch Top question What did Teddy Gray on stuff? This question's sort of been asked before But in different ways But it did get top So If If you woke... If you woke up in an... If you had the chance to wake up In someone else's body Between Marty, Michael, me, Julian, James, Ryan And Cooper Who's would you want to wake up in? James's I just want to see what it's like To be that healthy And that muscle And just like It'd just be so... Especially at the moment It'd just be so... There'd be no anxiety Because you know You're going to live to at least 100 Yeah, yeah It would feel good to fucking feel He's like... And I'd wake up in James's body And I would go and fucking trash it For a good month Because you know It can take it And it's like There's so many drugs that James hasn't Like done much yet So it's still at the really fun stage That's your MD With James Yeah, I know You'd be peeking Having the biggest Peak ever It would be the best Does he remember it all? While you're in there Hey Would he remember everything That you did in his body? Do you get to live that forever? Imagine He'd be in one of our bodies And he'd be watching us Go fucking That's fucking shit Stop that I just have sex with heaps of men I just flex his muscle at people Or AIDS for him Fucking hell His immune system would fight it off Like that Bloody hell Can't off-scene it happen Sorry What about you Matt James as well I'd wake up in Julian's body And then I'd just dive head first Into an article Julian Nah, I'm sorry Julian I didn't mean that But I would But I would do it Shitman, shitman, shitman Sorry, Michael I'd go James And as I said, yeah, man I'd just fuck heaps of lobes Alright, next question is from Steven Klaus Oh, that's right Would you ever do a science experiment to see Which one of your editors Julie James or even Matt I don't edit Can stand the most amount of pain Nah, we can't do that to our editors They're too afraid to hurt James Well, not only that Even just fucking Ryan and Cooper They don't come here for that shit Like it's very It's intense Some of the shit that we do So it's like You wouldn't ever Ask that of them Because they're probably so polite They'd probably say Okay, I'll give it a go And deep down They'd be like No fucking way Just let me sit at my computer And do my work And go home, cunt Yeah, well, like I guess the only thing Similar to that is We did a video where We see who's the most Dangerous employee They hurt us To us Yeah So like that's as far as We'll go with the for client And that's on the website And they like You know, whip us And do all this sorts of shit With to us And yeah, we figure out Who the most Which employee hurts the most It's beautiful Next question is from Levi Levitova Sorry, Levi Levitova Depending where he's from Markle, does Markle ever Successfully run away from pain? Yeah Man, I guarantee If you get hurt If like Your dad or mom hurts you If your uncle comes into your room Run If you are like If you get broken up with by your girlfriend You run If you are like If you do too many drugs Run away If you see brown If you like If you feel sick Run away If something hits you If you're in a car accident Run Run for your life If a shark is about To attack you in the water Run away It's easy Run away And it works I promise you it works We know it works Because we've done An extensive experiment And the no reaction vids They fucking hurt more Yeah Yeah, like Because you can't move And then you just have to sit with the pain If your body is operating Sweat If your body is operating Then it's like Oh, fuck me I can forget I can forget about this trauma That's occurred on my body Mama Mama But yeah, back to If anyone who gets taken by a shark Run Fucking run away Next question Marty, what happened to the love potion You were using to cure your heart last time? Yeah, that was That worked for a while But it's sort of A lot of the natural medicines They lose their You sort of build up Tolerance up to them pretty quick So you've got to change it up But yeah The love stuff did work And I'm on I take magnesium now I take NAC Because NAC It could be spike proteins Attacking me in my heart That's what one of the doctors reckons I'm on all this natural shit Like NAC There's Hawthorne High levels of vitamin D help Fucking What else is there Yeah, all sorts of natural shit A bunch of magnesium To try and fucking Clear it out of my system And pussy Nah Next question is from Dylan S If you He says dog shot But he means king hit Depending on where you are I'm saying dog shots Anyone in the world Oh my god I fucking Wait Can you wait Queen Elizabeth's corpse If you could dog shot one celebrity Who would it be Man So dog shot is either king hit Or hero punch Fucking Bill Gates Or Fauci Oh man I would love to fucking lay one on that God I'd make sure I killed him with one hit Yeah I would make sure of it Fucking end his life Sorry Man It's a free hit A free hit I don't know Probably I know celebrities They're not really celebrities to me though They're like politicians You guys got to pick a celebrity Bill Gates isn't a politician Bill Gates is probably more of a celebrity I guess Alright Okay, how about we go We'll stick to like an actor An actor I would go Reese Witherspoon Poor Reese Marty No, I wouldn't go You guys didn't react at that It's okay to hit her There's no way I would hit Reese Witherspoon You've been serious the entire podcast She's fine Okay, sorry, you guys will think Maybe Fuck What about You know that actor from Breaking Bad Fucking Jesse Pinkman No The main guy His son Okay, I'm picturing Okay So the son of the dad in Breaking Bad Yeah, the main actor in Breaking Bad What's his name? My brain's not You've got to be able to remember that Yes it is Matt, you can do this I don't know a fucking actor that I hate that much I don't know, I was just Right now That's not true I was just trying to be funny Maybe, you know like I'd hit Will Smith at the moment He shat me with Slap and Chris Rock So yeah, Will Smith I'd go for Maybe that or like that fucking The girl from Matilda The new Matilda The old Matilda The girl The little girl So you're trying to be funny too You guys are not funny Sorry, sorry about that I'd probably go I would go Reese with a spoon With a spoon Sorry, I'm just trying to be funny Just fucking Bill Gates, man Oh, sorry That question got so boring Jeremy ruined it Jeremy Piven Okay, done I don't know who that is He's Ari in No, I love that cunt I fucking love that cunt It's the first Jeremy I can think of Mark Warburg No, I love that cunt Fuck, man, it's hard I can't think of people that I hate heaps What about, I would Look, I'll fucking Lizzo Tom Hanks cunt I'll fucking deal Yeah, I would fuck Yeah, Michael would do Tom Hanks I know that Yeah, I'd have a good swing at him He's wronged us He's a regular watcher of the show And if you're watching this I feel like everyone got So serious about their answers Who would you? I said Will Smith Cause he's slug He's rough and made a big deal Actually, Will Smith's wife Will Smith with his wife Yeah, it's next to each other So you get a freebie Use her as the fist Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Sorry, it's trying to be funny We're not very funny today Shall I open the mince bottle? No Final question Is from Tim Tim? Tim Mostre Mostre Mostre Mostre Depending where Tim is from Mostre If dogs could write books And stories What would Bosley's autobiography Be titled? I'm not sure Would be the title I'm not sure Cause he's a very timid If he doesn't understand something He fears it So it takes him a long time To trust objects And people and humans as well So yeah, he's always a bit unsure But when you do have his trust It's the most wonderful thing in the world Yeah, he's so beautiful Wonderful thing I actually abused him Before the beginning of this podcast So sorry about that But he would have deserved the abuse If he had stepped on that chord Like he nearly did Oh man, yeah I shouldn't have just Acted out a rage I reckon the whole set Would have gone with him Yeah, true If we yelled too much He would have brought it all down Do you remember that time you yelled When you got caught under the table In the first season of the podcast You were caught on the chords And you yelled him And he panicked And like couldn't get out Yeah, I felt bad for that Cause he reacts to yelling He's 10 in like In three weeks He's 10 years old Are we having a party? Yes Probably we're going to film A website video with it, yeah Like let's just give her a break Let's have bong break And then we'll quickly explain that Bong break, bong break Everyone enjoy Bong break, bong break Everyone enjoy Bong break Bong break Everyone enjoy Bong break, bong break Toy, toy, toy Oh no, I don't know about the ending on that And we're back By the way guys We still We have yet to start Matt's Tinder We're definitely still going to do that I didn't even know you said you were going to do that You haven't mentioned that to anyone? I think, yeah Someone mentioned it in a comment We said, yeah, yeah, yeah You haven't said you to anyone You're going to do that And I still said no I swear as in the podcast We said 100% We're going to get you girls I don't want you guys Hagged, hagged, hagged girls That's even worse They're going to rock up unannounced at all hours Oh, fuck off Yeah, we're going to fucking get him here And you're ready to suck your brown load down their throats Do not start a Tinder on my behalf No, I'm sorry Matt, it's too Do not bring anyone to this now Okay, we won't bring anyone here You won't get a relationship They will just be cum dumps for you Yeah, they'll just be c-pumps Connor cut cum dumps So you can't put that on the c-pump Connor, we're leaving that here Or just beep it Or can you beep it as he says it We can't That's where Matt draws the line He's such a gentleman Oh, I don't draw the line at cum dumps He's like a gentleman I don't draw the line at cum dumps I'm just saying we can't say it What do you mean? We're not going to get you normal women We're going to get you broken hagged bushes No, you won't make him say no I don't want any women for me You have to give me the choice If you have any inkling to bring them And you have to promise You have to run and buy me before you bring any of them That way I can say no Deal, Brown And it's just going to be no every time Deal, Brown You have our word You have our word, Brown Shake hands on this Before we shake What does that do to your little segment? What do you mean? I'm just going to say no at every single time I think it's just funny if we talk We'll just stir them up And then how's it going to come out on the podcast How are you going to show the pictures We'll read the messages We'll read the conversations out I don't know It'll be good Trust us, Brown Come on, shake on it, Brown 110% cannot bring anyone here without my permission You can't bring them or call them or nothing Without my permission I promise you I would never do that to you, Matt Fingers out front I want no cro- Michael I fucking hate you Both of you Sorry Honor and respect can't And that's what we're about Underneath our southern longed cross I should have asked for more We'll start that When do you start having your Mondays off? Not next Monday, the Monday after Not next week, the week after So in like, as you're listening to this In two episodes time We'll start that segment Alright, moving along Michael's movie Michael's movie Michael's movie reviews Michael's movies Michael's movies Michael's business reviews Alright, Michael is now going to Review the movie 300 Which is a task that Matt gave him last week Matt, what do you give the movie out of 10 Before we hear Michael's review? Well, a movie on itself You know, I really liked it It was the first time Zack Snyder did Like a comic book adaption Or one of the first anyway I don't think it was his first But a comic He made a movie from a comic And yeah, it was just fucking cool What? Shut up What the fuck was that? And Jared Butler has a six pack So out of 10, what is the forkliner? Six pack Seven Pack Wow, okay And this is Spider is amazing Now, I was going to Just randomly say that The movie is based off a comic book Without even knowing it's based off a comic book Yeah, it looks like a comic book Is it based off a comic book? Yeah, it's based off a comic book So it looks like a comic book I was just gonna say that But I was right Is that animated? No Sorry So I was right without even doing it Hang on, no, sorry It's not a comic book It's a fucking It's a story Adaptation It's a movie It's an adaptation We'll call it a movie It's a movie about Adaptation 300 men Sorry It's like a movie Anyway It's kind of like a movie And it's like a loosely true story I can't believe it I fucking don't even need to research I'm a fucking encyclopedia Leonardo is a real person The king Okay, there's a few things that I'm Okay One thing What was stupid about the film Was Jared Butler Has like a massive pride and ego issue He should have just given a bit of land And water to the king And then he's His wife wouldn't have got fucked He wouldn't have got all these Men dead He's selfish And it was stupid But he was standing up for his people Oh, pride And his principles Yeah, we'll see We'll see when we get invaded By China Yeah Yeah, true I'll be hiding Anyway, now I'm on the front line again And I can't wait, cunt I'm just gonna be so funny Dude, it'll be like one big video But if we fuck Yeah, we'll film it Fuck up Put some go-pros on the head Yeah Anyway, Julian Julian will be Sorry It's very, very sex Yeah, it's hot So I could tell I had to sit through a sex scene with James It's Greek And it felt like It felt naughty It's Greek James is in the room We're watching sex together James could be in 300 Anyway Okay, there's Fuck me Some fuck with says And I'm gonna say his name is Michael Fassbender Yeah, good actor Oh, fuck, dude It's so, he's cringe and What does he say? You haven't said what he says You say he's cringe We are with you, Sire We are with you, Sire For spot, yeah To death Like, dude It made me Fucking I wanted to bash him Because as warriors, the greatest Achievement is to die in battle Shit, it's so like, want to be like Oh, yeah, but fuck you Don't talk like that first off And don't have that facial expression And it just came out of blue and it pissed me off And I just got real rage to bash him And dying in battle is not that hard Just don't fight back God, dude, it was so stupid It was just cringe and shit And yeah, it was That's it, that's the whole thing He said that And he's fucking German No Yeah Where's Deutsch? So he's fucking, he's German Fastbender Yeah, he's a good actor Yes, but Fastbender That's one of his earlier films Michel Fastbender This just explains a lot The cringe Well, come on, that's all you've given me I like him now When Astinus loses his head It was just silly Oh, the son of the captain there If you wouldn't hear a fucking horse Riding Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude Standing looking at his dad like a dickhead Fucking dumb Why didn't he run away or duck or some shit? Why didn't, have ears Use your ears Fucking so shit, dude This is the thing with action films, man It's so unrealistic And it pisses me off The only thing that saves this film Is that they all die 300 men can't win And it's good, they didn't So fine, but they killed far too many men Early on It should have died in the first Ten minutes, dead, done Apparently that's what happened in real life They stood their ground That's not a real story Yeah, the story of the 300 That's so fucking bad, man Especially the creatures and shit Yeah, it's too, oh I must say, and look The movie would have been good If I could have smoked weed If I could have got high as a kite I could have got into that Because I liked the whole, you know Your comic book shit and all that It was like, wow, this is trippy I'm enjoying this But it was, yeah, I couldn't I'm off weed for a bit So it was like, oh, yeah I'm just watching an action film It's unrealistic And the colors are different and weird I wonder if you'd like John Wick Because the fights are really real Yeah, I can't take action Is that what you want? Is more realistic action films? I've heard John Wick's He kills like a thousand men And it's one man Yeah, I know, but the fight scenes They do really well, like very realistic Really? Like, yeah, I can't take action I never will like it That's what I mean Is it just action or is it because it's fake? Just because it's so unrealistic One man can't beat a thousand men Three hundred men can't beat thirty thousand men They would have just Oh, I don't know Oh man, anyway, that happens And then what else? Couldn't hear the horse coming I can't believe that Can't hear a horse That's the whole film for him Is that he didn't hear that horse coming Do you stand up when you saw that? No, I just got like Oh, I even said to James watching I was like, that's fucked Like, use your ears You've got two You've already lost your head You couldn't use your head at all, did you? All right, and oh dude The narrator needs to be like Fucking bashed Yeah, he's Australian His voice is so cringe Do the voice I don't know His name is David Winner So storyteller fuck off, man Just blah, blah, blah, blah Can you do the voice, Matt? I can't be true It was like trying to be real mystical Oh, I'm glad you said Lord of the Rings He's in Lord of the Rings Do the voice, Matt Oh, I was like And King Leonite I can't do a video on me He just does it Is that it? Dude You are sick when you do that King Leonite Yeah, he's got a weird accent in it And um Yeah That did the voice But on a high, okay Dude, that narrator fucking needs one hit Did you like the King? All these little piercings and shit? I felt like he would have, I don't know, associated with him I like how the, you know He throws that spear at him at the end So glad that didn't kill him Cause it's like, it's too much It just grazed him And I'm sure that would have maybe Showed his people that he Cause he says that to him He goes, by the end of this war They'll show that a god can bleed Oh, okay, that's linked up That's gotten a bit sexier for me I like cause then the people go Oh, you're not a god anymore Cause you can bleed I liked it, didn't kill him And then he died, it was good Look, this is the best film You've given me so far Oh, better than Back to the Future That's wild Shit's all over Back to the Future Honestly, like it was Right now, it goes This 300 Then I'm pretty sure it's three masqueteers You didn't like Spotlight? Spotlight was just a bunch of office And fucking pedos Michael likes movies with the number three In the title So you want a bit more action in the films? Is that what you're telling me? Yeah, well this is too much action I like realistic action The departed when Leonardo DiCaprio gets shot That got me off See, that's why I think you would like John Wick Because it's better than that What about a romcom for Michael? Yeah, I've got one lined up Anyway, 300 gets a 5 out of 10 I'm getting through some of my like Childhood favourites first And then I'll start moving into that 5 out of 10, you guys are pretty close In the rating now What do you give him for next week? One of my all-time favourite films Oh, don't be so passionate about movies It's not cool Now, I have to admit I wanted to give you the third one in this series But I can't do it Hang on, wait, wait, wait You're annoying me Wait, but I couldn't do that Because you just wouldn't understand anything And we've already done that joke Oh So Gypsy Close We are going to watch It's like if I could look like a dick to somebody Straight out in front of him We're going to watch You're going to watch The very first Indiana Jones film I've seen him They're good Fuck off They're not bad Really, Indiana Jones? Should we cut that then and see something else? What? Fuck you They're great You like Indiana Jones But you don't like the mummy with Brendan Fraser Indiana Jones is Indiana Jones is alright Because I was a kid when I watched him As soon as it starts, you know he's going to succeed Anyway, cut that, go to another film Fuck You don't watch films and you watch Indiana Jones? When I was a little girl He had breasts One breast on the centre of my back Oh god, I have to think now Oh, clutch my ruch What about a rom-com man? I need to think about this Because it has to be something that I enjoy I think we had one lined up last week What about love? We literally had another Not love actually, I do enjoy that Oh yeah, come on Okay, this is a rom-com I do like Clueless Not clueless But I generally like this one I don't know what you're going to think But the movie, The Holiday With Jack I've seen it For fuck's sake I can live this bit in It's good, even the other bit I can even leave the other bit in That's what I reckon You can do that with a nappy on No, no, because it's too thick, it's hard to get in there Oh shit What else you got, Matt? Have you ever seen Gone In 60 Seconds? Yeah, that's a great scene I'm keen for this Yeah, what is it? It's called the horse soldiers Oh my god, that's... Okay, so this is... This only works if you think it's good This is a childhood film, I really enjoyed it It is really old though, it's a John Wayne film Don't say like John Wayne like it's someone I don't give a fuck who that is And it's a Western Okay, I can get into a Western if it's good See, I know you can get into a Western But this is an old Western that I used to watch And I was like a little baby girl What's it rated? Probably like PG It's gonna be under a one There's action though It's gonna be under a one What do you think he likes action? Alright, so we're watching the horseback or some shit The horse soldiers Basically, a union battalion goes down To get behind enemy lines and take out a railway station Wow, that sounds so shit And they pick up a racist white lady on the way But she becomes good in the end So you're giving me the pot They sing at the start You've given me the plot, now I'm gonna watch that And then I'm meant to say that's good They sing at the start, so when they ride And they're travelling, they all sing They go, well don't give it away They go what, Matt? What do they say? I left my lover letter in a hollow of a tree Jesus Christ, God They told her she would find me in the US Cavalry If you were closer to me, I'd kill you Anyway Fucking hell, this is gonna be the worst yet This is gonna be a tough watch I will watch it with you, I always put it up But you don't want it, it's okay I wish we would let me watch with you I can't believe we've Jonathan Brown's number Fucking hell, this is gonna be the shitest waste of a fucking night Alright, so finish with guys today We've got the prank call And we're gonna do a prank call It'll be a character because it requires a little too much energy right now I know we keep saying this, but when Matt has his Mondays off We're gonna do like 10 prank calls and pick the best one So it won't be a gamble if it's gonna be a good prank call or not anymore We will be a good prank call every week I'm really looking forward to doing that But for this week, we're gonna revisit one that we've done before Mark was gonna write words on a whiteboard And I have to insert them in conversation Hey Sam, I'm just not feeling the best My septoid has just had a bit of gastro, go figure And I think I've started getting it too So I'm just having a bit of trouble standing And I've got some sort of pink painkillers But they're not really working, they've got this huge headache And so I've sort of lost my faith in them Do you guys have anything that sort of covers all the gastro symptoms? There's like a ringing in my ear So you got a ring in your ear as well Yeah Well that doesn't sound too good Not any fever or chills or anything like that I think I'm getting a bit of a fever, yeah But this could be, I've recently diagnosed with an STI And I'm pretty old too, so it could be that Yep, so you can definitely get something to sort of help the symptoms of the gastro You can get something like gastro stop if you were sort of having Is it like tape? Is it tape that you put on? Oh no, sorry, that's ignore me No, no, no, it's like a tablet Generally you try and let something like that run its course But if it is like a bug, you probably need antibiotics to fix it If it is like a bacterial thing They're those round tablets, eh? Yeah, so we can really only give pain relief And some symptom relief for any diarrhea over the counter Other than that, you'd have to go to the doctor And the only other advice I could give is just trying to stay as hydrated as possible So using like some sort of hydrolyte Okay, is it possible that I could be getting these symptoms from an insect bite? Or it would really depend what insect was it And if you had any allergies or anything like that Or it could be like a combination of like that And then your daughter having gastro Yeah, well I was listening to John Lennon And they got bitten by like a bunch of mosquitoes So I was just trying to rule that out Okay, so have you ever had like any issue with Roth River fever or anything in the past? Horns Davidson, no, nothing diagnosed But like, yeah, I just sort of write it out And I got a jab for it So like I don't know If it doesn't go away by the morning I'd definitely recommend a doctor's appointment Especially if you have been bitten by possibly mosquitoes Because it could be like definitely Roth River or something If you're feeling sick in the stomach also With like the fever and everything as well Yeah, okay, alright, go figure Yeah Alright, well that's completely killed my faith in the medication that I have at the moment So I might just have to pop in and just see what you guys have, eh? Yeah, okay, no worries Alright, well I might come in soon And yeah, I've got to go on holiday to Japan next week So yeah, I better get this sorted Yeah, no worries Alright, well I'll see you soon I'm gay, I'm gay, see ya Okay, bye I got a mole I got a mole You fucking went all through a fucking round ringing Horns Davidson, jab, tape, I'm old Insect Japan, STI Standing Pink Faith, John Lennon, Roundhouse And I'm gay Oh, that was very good That was very good She was lovely She was very lovely Let's buy her something Milk No, let's buy her like a brick Maybe she wants to go on a date Or an ice cream Connor Do you reckon we could do more with that but like really put some words in to go through Yeah, I was trying to not go too fucker fucker Yeah, go as fucker as you want The best was Horns Davidson I think you need to start off the way you did and then go, yeah Yeah, I think I need to give you time to write them all first And then I'll just, you just reveal them one by one I think that'd be a good idea for prank calls on the Monday Write out a whole list of words See, see what we mean? Now it's already like 8pm And now we don't have time to do another one Cause we have to get up in the early in the morning and start filming Can't Yeah, we got website for client and everyone Relentless, isn't it? Oh, I might have a sleep in from gym though Oh, man, I should really go to the gym but I'm really tired, aye Man, it's so warm Yeah, glazed with sweat Matt Brown Oh, Matt Brown What are you gonna have for dinner? Chicken, I'm so hungry, but I'm not gonna eat Alright everyone, sorry for the flatness I swear to God, we're coming back soon, stronger than ever Bear with us and let us know in the comments Give us some feedback, guys Will I get a new chair next week? Yeah, hopefully Cause I'm in No, you will I'm broken You will, cause you broke the chair, it's pretty The chair's broken but my back is ruined And my last depression Alright guys, Matt's life is depression So don't forget to like the video And we'll see you guys next week everybody Have a great week We're the best, we're the best, we're the best We're the best, we're the best, we're the best We're the best, everybody We're the best, everybody Bomb break! And we're back, we're the best